Posts Tagged roommate
Keeping a Level Head
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 10, 2012
I spent the majority of my day and a good portion of my night celebrating the marriage of two of my best friends, J and his new bride. It was a beautiful ceremony and the reception was off the hook. After a chat with the mother of the groom, the music ended, and the time came for us all to make our way home.
Originally, I reserved a room because I thought the bridal party would be staying in the same hotel and there would be post-reception festivities. I was worried about my roommate or I driving home drunk, even though it was only a twenty-minute drive. After talking to the groom, I learned that wasn’t the case, but I was also confused what their plans were in general. I thought maybe we could grab breakfast with them before heading home in the morning. On top of this, I already paid for the room, so I figured we’d crash at the hotel. While my roommate drove, I called CK to see how his night was going. The response came as quite a shock.
In our conversation, I learned he would not be going to the circuit party, Allegria. I was not expecting this at all! A small part of me felt really bad because I knew how excited he was to go, but I have to admit, my heart fluttered for joy. I felt a huge weight lift off me. I was petrified of the result of that night, and now all that worry was gone.
When I inquired as to the reason he was forgoing the circuit party, he cited the fact that I wouldn’t be there. He told me if I was going with him, he’d still go, but it would be no fun without me. I wondered then and there what his original intentions were. Did my statement of “behave” make him change his priorities? Was he originally giving himself a free pass for the night since I wouldn’t be there? We had only been dating two months.
I didn’t know this at the time, but I later learned he would have been going with a guy he used to hook up with regularly — Someone who had actually come up in conversation between us in the past. When CK and I were discussing our relationship status a few weeks in, he was the other guy CK was “seeing” since the new year. He was the guy CK detailed in our conversation in the Sonic parking lot, noting they would see each other about once a month, which I could only assume meant hooking up as well. Had I known that, I would not have been okay from the start. Granted we’d moved past the conversation. We were exclusive. But, that message may not ring loud and clear with this other guy. He might try to seduce CK, and the temptation may have been too much to fight.
More importantly than all this, he decided not to go in the end. Regardless of what he was planning to do or what was possible, he chose me. That’s all that matters. He chose me. He put his own desires aside in order to ensure our relationship would survive. This was a huge moment for me. The other guy was irrelevant. My man cared more about my state of mind and the state of our relationship than he did about going to a party he’d been looking forward to for weeks.
We talked a bit at length about his decision. “Baby, you mean so much more to me than this. My priorities have changed since I originally decided to go,” he added. I could tell he was really disappointed, but his act of love made me the happiest man on Earth! I was so touched.
In the middle of this conversation, we pulled up to the hotel. It was a DUMP! I couldn’t believe this was the suggested hotel. Now I know why the room was $97 for the night, but still. We walked into the lobby to find no one there. As I looked to the left, I noticed the reception desk behind the bullet-proof glass. There were a few people milling about the lobby, but no one who actually worked there. I told CK to hold on a second while I processed the scene, turned to my roommate as we made horrified faces at each other, and we walked right back out the door. At this, I returned to my call with CK and told him what just happened. I told him we’d be driving home, especially since my roommate was sober. She didn’t really want to stay at the hotel from the start, so she already cut off her drinking earlier.
As we drove back to Hoboken, I had the great idea to tell CK to come spend the night at my place. If he got ready quickly, we’d arrive in Hoboken at the same time. We’d be able to pick him up at the PATH and give him a ride to my apartment. He told me he needed to gather some things and shower before he came over, so he would just meet me at my apartment.
When the buzzer rang, I jumped for joy. I was so excited to see him. I had a great night at the wedding, and after receiving the relieving news he wasn’t going to the circuit party, I was purely elated. I greeted him at the door with the biggest kiss and strongest hug I could possibly muster. I made him some food and we snuggled up on the couch to watch a few episodes of Game of Thrones until we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Before this night, I certainly knew I found a keeper, but after his decision, I realized I may have found a for lifer. I had never dated someone who would make a sacrifice like that for me. I truly felt what it was to be loved. I don’t think CK realizes how much that gesture meant to me, and I’m not sure he ever will. But, I will certainly continue to show my appreciation by giving him my undying love every day.
Follow @onegayatatimeHigh Anxiety
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 9, 2012
After my amazingly awful date with CK, we went home and went to bed. Waking up the next day with him in my bed was my true heaven. Not a day went by I didn’t appreciate waking up next to him, whether in his bed or my own. We were growing inseparable, however, that night we would spend apart.
When we woke, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Since we didn’t have sex the night before when we got home, we were both particularly horny. Our sex was becoming so much more than sex. We started making love. We started becoming one. This was something completely new to me. I have had sex with more than a handful of guys, but I never felt the connection CK and I have in the bedroom. We share a strong unbreakable bond as a couple, but when we’re making love, it feels like we could move mountains.
We spent the morning being lazy. That night, I was taking my roommate to J’s wedding. I’d planned to take her before I even met CK. Part of me wanted to pull her aside and ask if she minded if I took CK instead, but another part of me wasn’t sure I was ready for that. I wanted to be ready for that, but it was a big step. Just thinking about it, I could feel the eyes of the people around the room watching us — The two ‘mos dancing up a storm. I know I shouldn’t care about that. I know I need to get used to that, but I wasn’t quite sure I was ready yet.
We watched a few episodes of Game of Thrones while I got ready for the wedding. When the time came for me to head out with my roommate, I had a conversation with CK about his plans for the night. He was planning to hit up a circuit party. I was incredibly uneasy about this. I’d never been, but from the pictures and the stories I’d heard from others, as well as from CK’s own mouth, I was very apprehensive about the whole idea. I trusted CK, but then again, I didn’t. We’d only known each other two short months. Who’s to say he wouldn’t pop X and grind up on some guy all night? Who’s to say he wouldn’t fool around with said guy in the bathroom? Who’s to say he wouldn’t go home with said guy? We were growing very close, but I had no idea how CK would react to the temptations placed in front of him. All these thoughts, and many more, were swarming in my head. But, in spite of all this, I tried to be cool. I had to learn to trust CK. My baggage was not his fault. I would never tell him I didn’t want him to go without me. Hell, I didn’t even want to go myself, even if I was available. It would purely be his decision, however, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be a nervous wreck about the whole thing.
When the time came to say goodbye, I simply gave him some parting words gently expressing my concern. “Behave tonight,” I added. “What does that mean?” he asked. I simply just repeated myself. He knew what it meant, but he wanted me to prescribe for him exactly where the line was drawn. The thought of him in another man’s arms made my heart palpitate and beat uncontrollably. It gave me incredible anxiety to picture him sweaty and shirtless with his tongue in another man’s mouth. I wouldn’t be there to hold him back, and my imagination was running wild to fill in the blanks. Because of this, and because I didn’t want to seem psycho to him, he would have to define behaving. It didn’t instill confidence in my mind when he asked me “Well, what exactly is naughty?” If he had to ask, there was a good chance he’d cross the threshold of my comfort zone. I feared for the life of my relationship with CK. I was jealous of faceless men, and he hadn’t even walked in the door.
When I commit to a relationship, I commit fully to it. There are no other guys for me. That doesn’t go to say I don’t notice/admire a hot guy walking by, but I won’t ever act on my admiration. I won’t smile at him or wink. I’ll simply admire him as a gorgeous specimen of a man. I have had my transgressions in the past, but I have learned from these mistakes. I have committed to my man, and he is who I am with. This is incredibly frustrating because I have a very traditional view of a relationship, and the majority of other gay men have quite the opposite. To many of them, boyfriend just means the guy the spend more of their time with than the other guys they see/have sex with. I digress…
Between my regret of not taking him and his going to what I equate to a rave without me, I was an anxious nervous wreck. I kissed him goodbye as we dropped him off at the PATH to head back into the city. My roommate and I sped off to the wedding location and arrived just in time.
It was a gorgeous ceremony and the reception was a blast! I nearly cried watching J tear up as his gorgeous bride walked up the aisle. I pictured myself in his shoes with CK coming to meet my arm and knew I would be a complete mess. I tear up now just writing about it. There were parallels between this wedding and my relationship with CK as well. It was a marriage between a white bread dude and a Puerto Rican fireball (CK is Cuban). For instance, the ceremony was bilingual, as I imagine a ceremony between CK and I would be.
After one of the toasts, I even sent CK a text saying “Te amo con todo mi corazón.” (I love you with all my heart). I was really missing him and wished he was by my side.
When the time came to head home from the wedding, I said my goodbyes and reveled in the love and joy I witnessed between J and his wife. I hoped I would get to the blissful place they were someday. In the car on the way to the hotel, I called CK. I figured he’d already be at the circuit party or wasted or high, but I needed to try. As the phone rang, all my anxiety rose back to the surface. I certainly was not prepared for what was about to happen next…
Follow @onegayatatimeHappy Birthday to Me!
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 18, 2012
My birthday finally arrived. Normally, I don’t celebrate my birthday much. But, this year, I had more to celebrate. I had a loving boyfriend who treated me very well. I’d already received a birthday present more than I ever could have expected. Clark Kent was everything I wanted in a man, but unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to spend the day with him.
I left him that morning as he went to pick up his mother from the airport. I spent the night before in his bed and got quite a birthday surprise — Trapeze School tickets. He needed to fully utilize the time his mother was visiting to find a new apartment. He’d been dragging his feet, and the time came for some serious looking. I fully understood.
I made my way home early that morning. My old roommate started off the social media messages with a text to wish me a happy birthday. He was shocked I was up so early. I made my way home and began to get ready for my plans. I was heading to the pier for the day for a picnic of sorts. I grabbed my beach chair and packed a blanket, bocce ball, speakers, wine and food into my beach bag and asked my sister if she’d give me a ride so I wouldn’t have to lug everything to the pier in Hoboken.
As the day went on, friends came and went. They’d spend some time with me relaxing in the sun and chowing down on snacks.
At one point, we all got into a political discussion about gay marriage. It was interesting. I’d never really thought about marriage before because it wasn’t a priority. I didn’t even have a boyfriend. Marriage was something far, far away. I assumed by the time I was ready, the rest of the country would accept that choice and allow me to do so. Now that I had a boyfriend, things were different. I was a lot more passionate about the topic.
I had a blast. Many friends showed up and clinked Solo cups with me to celebrate another year on Earth. I was very happy so many showed up for my low-key celebration. There was no big destination. There was no cover. There was no commitment. It was simply a relaxing day doing what I wanted. If others felt inclined to join, they knew where to find me.
When we got bored, we broke out the bocce balls and played a few rounds. As the sun was setting, we decided to pack up. My sister contacted K to see if she would be willing to host a BBQ in her back yard. She was thrilled with the idea and began preparing immediately. I brought over some food to cook and everyone else pitched in. Even my old roommate, who I hadn’t seen in about a year, showed up.
We ate our fill of picnic food and played beer pong. I played with one of my old college teammates. Whenever we played together, we usually cleaned up. We started a little rusty, but we were doing pretty well against my sister and one other girl as well. It was great to finally play again. I have such a competitive streak in me, and it’d been some time since we played.
When it was nearly time to go, we gathered everyone around the table for a few rounds of flip cup. It was getting late, and we decided it was time to hit the bar. The whole group packed up and headed out the door.
I was missing my man. We checked in with each other over text throughout the day, but the search wasn’t going well for him. I was having a great time, but I felt bad for him. I wanted him by my side, but priorities were in order.
Some people split off from the group to head home for the night. On the walk to the bar, I heard a crash right in front of me at one of the cars. All I could think about was, “What drunk a$$hole just slammed into a parked… W!?” “Hey guys,” he said as he popped up from between two cars with his bike. I was laughing hysterically. He was just in a BUI incident. He’s lucky he didn’t cause serious damage to the car or himself, but it was still very humorous.
We continued to McSwiggans, my favorite Hoboken bar, and met up with more of my friends who were already there. We had a blast drinking and dancing all night. I was hanging out with my old roommate reminiscing about the good ol’ times. I stepped outside at one point to call CK to say hi and see how things were going. He was happy to hear I was in good sorts, but sad he couldn’t be there with me. I too was sad he wasn’t there, but I understood. We didn’t talk long cause I was neglecting my friends, and he was neglecting his mother.
I went back inside and joined the fun once again. I was getting drunk quickly. People were constantly buying me drinks, and I can’t drink like I used to. I’m getting old. At 28, you’re no spring chicken anymore.
The time came for me to go home. I said goodbye to the remaining people at the bar and walked home. I didn’t want to be hungover the next day, so I kept things in check. It was going to be a big day for me. I texted my boyfriend while I walked home. I wished he was waiting for me in my bed, but I knew it was quite a different scene. He was in his apartment sharing his with his mother.
Overall, I had a great birthday! They aren’t usually this cheerful — Usually, I’m quite glum on my birthday. I think I purposely downplay my birthday so I’ll never be disappointed. This one was pretty great, starting with waking up next to my Superman. I would end the day a happy man, and looked forward to tomorrow, the next time I’d get to see CK, as well as meet his mother…
Follow @onegayatatimeGlued to the Bed
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 5, 2012
Waking up with one of the sexiest men I’d ever met, Clark Kent, in my arms would make any morning spectacular. On top of that, I had no obligations to fulfill that day. It was Saturday, and I was ready to lounge around. Sure I had plans to go to the gym and grocery store, but that would wait until much later. Right then, there was a gorgeous specimen of a man in my bed, and I wasn’t going to let him go to waste.
I cuddled and snuggled with him. It was finally 11:00am when I was conscious enough to remain awake for more than a few seconds to shift our spooning positions. I don’t think there was a moment we weren’t in contact with each other throughout the night. Even when we were sleeping on opposite sides of the bed, my hand was on his thigh.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. When we woke, things started slow and progressed rather quickly. We were both naked before we knew it. Eventually, we found ourselves in a familiar position. I had my face buried in his backside. He always derived great pleasure from this, and I wasn’t shy about delivering. I even pulled out some of the tricks I learned in the Tickle My Tush book once again. Oral penetration eventually led to full penetration. He felt amazing, and I was not in any hurry to stop. Every thrust was better than the last, however, whenever I slowed the pace to both give myself a break and to enjoy the friction, he would protest, “DON’T STOP!” I picked the pace back up again and pushed as deep as I could go. He let out constant moans of pleasure, this time at a decent volume until he needed to stop to catch his breath.
He immediately turned over to face me with a look of exhaustion/excitement in his eyes. “Baby! You feel AMAZING!” he exclaimed. I dove on top of him and began to kiss him passionately. I told him how great he felt as well between zealous kisses. I took his legs and lifted them high and began to penetrate him again. It felt incredible. When I finally stopped, he said, “I love when you take me from behind, but this way… I dunno. You just hit the spot every time!”
We laid intertwined with each other enjoying the moment. We had great sexual chemistry. It had been such a long time since I’d shared that on top of chemistry outside the bedroom. Standard issue seemed to be one or the other as of late. CK was the full package.
After considerable amounts of cuddling, he climbed on top of me while I arched my back and gave him everything he wanted. I knew that morning my roommate’s friend slept over. I’d already heard them up and talking. I was a bit reserved in my morning romp with CK out of slight embarrassment. While I didn’t care if they knew I was having sex, I didn’t want to be overly loud about it. I buried my face in the pillow and let out my grunts and moans through a heavy down filter. When the moment hit, he pulled out and finished on my back.
Most straight women don’t understand this, but when a guy finishes on you, it can be incredibly hot, not something to turn your nose up at. It is a sign that you truly excite them. For me it’s validation, and it’s an incredible aphrodisiac. Many times, seeing a guy shoot is what it takes for me to finish as well. He asked where I kept the towels, but I was incapable of words. Only grunts came out. I tried with all my might to use my arm to reach down to my nightstand drawer, but no matter how much I concentrated, I could not move. I finally gave in and just lay there accepting defeat. “I’m glued to the bed,” I told him. “You will be glued if you roll over onto your back,” he added through a laugh. My body was in full orgasm. After about ten minutes, I regained composure and handed him a towel to wipe my back.
We rotated and lay in each other’s embrace. I was enjoying everything about him. He was witty. He was fun and adventurous. He was smart. He was incredibly sexy. Most of all he was passionate and caring. He was exactly what I needed – Exactly what I was looking for. We enjoyed the embrace for some time before he finally began orally pleasuring me – One of his favorite activities.
This time it felt amazing. I closed my eyes and concentrated on how good it felt. I imagined penetrating him and his mouth being his insides. It felt amazing. I thought about how good it would feel to explode inside of him, and that’s when it finally happened. I gave out a warning, and began to explode like a fountain. CK was greatly excited by this and took advantage. “Wow! You really weren’t kidding. Hidden talent indeed,” he added. I simply smiled and began giggling from his gentle touch tickling me.
I was so incredibly relieved. I’d finally finished with him. I didn’t want him to take it personally or worse, think I was broken. I told him early on of my issue, but he seemed to be quite understanding of it. That doesn’t mean he didn’t bring it up periodically, further stressing me on the issue, but regardless, I finished and made him happy.
We made our way to the shower, where the fun only continued. We quickly found ourselves back in bed together sans clothing or towels. We just lay intertwined for almost an hour. We’d already spent the entire morning and part of the afternoon together in bed. He was answering texts on his phone periodically and showed me a text from his mother. It mentioned being at [One Gay At A Time’s] and her reply was: “Hoboken sounds nice. Why don’t you look for a place there?” However, he told me he couldn’t afford any studios in Hoboken. I was touched he’d mentioned me to his mother and was excited he actually entertained the idea of living in Hoboken.
When my empty stomach couldn’t take it anymore, I suggested I make us breakfast. I told him to stay in bed while I whipped something up. I took some of my world-class pork and apple sausages out of the freezer, scrambled some eggs with cheddar cheese, and buttered some toast. I returned to the room to get his coffee flavor or choice and let him know breakfast was ready. He emerged shortly thereafter and joined me for breakfast. “If you’re trying to win me over, you’re going about it all the right way!” he said after shoveling some of the sausage into his mouth. This was the second time I’d heard him say this.
After we finished eating we made our way to the couch. We were both shirtless the entire morning and afternoon. My roommates and their friends came and went and we paid them no attention. We watched TV and movies all afternoon. When it was getting to be about 4:00, he admitted defeat and suggested he just stay. He wasn’t going to make any progress finding an apartment at that point, and he much rather stay with me anyway. With that, we both smoked a little and enjoyed each other’s company in front of the TV.
We ordered Mediterranean for dinner, opened a special bottle of Malbec I’d been saving for the right guy and had more of the pineapple upside down cake for dessert. We watched Bridesmaids and other movies the rest of the night. We stayed on the couch all day until we both passed out. When he finally woke me, it was 1:30am, and we made our way to bed. I was exhausted, and I’d done absolutely nothing all day long. It was some of the best absolutely nothing I’ve ever done. Every last second of it.
Follow @onegayatatimeThings Are Starting to Look Up
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 24, 2012
Wednesday afternoon, I went from having no dates to having two. I managed to schedule seeing two guys in the span of a few hours. I was being efficient at my “job.”
On my way home from a purely average date in Hell’s Kitchen, I once again checked Grindr for messages. The guy who I spoke to that morning happened to be on. We chatted a bit, but again, that’s another story for another day.
I already lined up a date with the guy I’ve been talking to for about a month. We texted a few times about meeting up but nothing ever materialized. I Facebook stalked him and found him very curious. He was VERY athletic, which I liked a lot, but we didn’t share a lot of the same athletic interests. He’s into skiing and cycling. I am not. It seemed we would get along, but I just wasn’t quite sure about him. The night could go either way.
He agreed to come over and share a bottle of wine. It was a little unconventional, but it was getting a bit late for a coffee shop, and this was a much easier solution. He was fully onboard.
He drove over and found parking rather quickly, which is a miracle in Hoboken. When he arrived, I buzzed him in and greeted him at the door with a hug. We went into the kitchen and sat at the counter to chat a bit. While we talked, I opened a bottle of wine, opened a box of wheat thins and cut up some cheese.
The conversation began with my neighbors. He used to live with one of the gay men my roommate and I spotted across the street in another apartment. I detailed for him how we watch them periodically since they’ve peaked our curiosity. I told him about the St. Patty’s party he missed and how we tried to get their attention.
Then we started talking about work. I learned he pretty much did exactly what Smiles did. It was that moment I noticed how he somewhat resembled Smiles in stature and look. He too had a shaved head. On top of that, there was the commonality of the excessive training and triathlons. It didn’t bother me because there were distinct differences, but it caught my attention. They were similar in job, lifestyle, legal problems, look, hobbies, etc. It was uncanny.
Through our conversation I immediately noticed his sense of humor. He seemed like a really great guy. I was consistently laughing with him about things, and we were hitting it off pretty swimmingly. I loved his sense of humor. We got each other pretty well.
When my roommate came home, he jumped right in with her, chatting her up while she navigated the kitchen. I found this very attractive. He could start a conversation with someone on the fly well. It was kind of a turn on.
We talked for hours, and I was really shocked how well we were hitting it off. He had to teach a spin class in the morning, and it was nearing midnight, so he told me he had to be going soon.
After a long awkward pause, we both went in for a kiss. I liked that I wasn’t kissing him. We were kissing each other. We both came to the same thought at the same time. We kissed passionately on my bar stools for some time before we stopped. He said, “We should have done that sooner.” I agreed through my smile. With that, we continued kissing each other. He was a decent kisser. I wished he was better because I was really enjoying his company. I just wished I could teach him to open his mouth more when he kissed. We kept kissing for a long time before it was finally time for him to go home. I kissed him goodbye and said goodnight. After he left, he gave me his phone number. Apparently, the number I’d been given was his “office” line through Google. I told him I had a really great time and apologized for keeping him past his curfew. He responded, “Me too. Looking forward to getting to know you.” I responded, “Likewise. Still smiling.” He told me he was as well, until his class in five hours. “Goodnight handsome,” he added.
In the morning, he was up early for spin class. I texted him when I woke to see if he made it through spin class. Not only that, he made it to yoga as well. We texted back and forth and discussed when we’d see each other again. We made tentative plans for the following week. Finally, I met someone who got my blood flowing — Someone who got me excited!
Follow @onegayatatimeMeeting the Hatfields
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 18, 2012
Today is another Fast Forward Friday!!!
Hope you are enjoying these. It will help bring the blog a little closer to real-time. If you’re keeping up with the stories chronologically, please skip down to this morning’s post first, then read this one. I think it’s a good one! Enjoy!
Back to your special edition of One Gay At A Time…
Southern Drawl was very anxious to see me. Before our last date ended, he asked me, “So, when do you get to see me again?” It was a bit egotistical, but it was also a little cute.
I had plans with other guys for the rest of the week with the exception of my volleyball game on Thursday. We agreed to do happy hour after work on Friday to get the weekend started off right. He was going to the Frying Pan, a permanently parked barge on the Hudson River that doubles as a restaurant/outdoor bar, with a group of his coworkers. Apparently, he was comfortable enough to introduce me to them.
He was already there when I made my way across town to meet him. He worked right across the street, so there was a solid crowd present from work. I found them in the crowd and pulled up a chair to the table. Everyone was very welcoming and nice. They immediately offered me a cup of sangria, and I settled in. I joined the big conversation, and Southern Drawl and I had a few side conversations not meant for the table.
I wasn’t sure to what extent he was out to his coworkers, so I played a vague roll. I didn’t show any signs of affection or do anything that would be a severe tell. I had a good time.
When everyone was ready to go, we started walking. We were heading to his apartment, but we walked with the others until they peeled off to head in separate directions. It was then I was informed that this was a big deal. None of the other guys he dated had met his coworkers. Only one or two of them knew he was gay, so this was somewhat of a public coming out. I’m sure his coworkers would put two and two together if he was inviting a man to join them for drinks. It was flattering he was willing to do that with me.
Since before I met S.D. in person, I’d learned of his incredibly flamboyant and promiscuous roommate. We talked about him to quite an extent on the walk.
I could not have been prepared for his apartment when I walked in there. It was an utter dump! His roommate was lounging on the couch when we arrived. S.D. needed to change before we went out for the rest of the evening. I chatted a bit with his roommate, and he certainly had a strong unwarranted air of superiority. We didn’t get along, but we didn’t clash either. He was a non-entity to me.
Meanwhile, I made a comment about S.D.’s shoes, and I was ripped a new one. He went off on me how expensive they were and how dare I downplay them. I was dying to get out of that apartment, and S.D. was dragging his feet.
He told me his friends from back home in the south were going to be out on the Lower East Side since one of them worked at Brother Jimmy’s. We decided to pick a place in the neighborhood to grab dinner before drinking our faces off. We found a nice Italian restaurant, Pete’s Tavern and shared a delicious pleasant meal. Things were starting to feel comfortable with him. All the awkwardness melted away. We had great conversation and kept each other on our toes. The conversation was great, but I began to wonder if I was sexually attracted to him. When he sent pictures to me, I found him to be quite attractive, but since being with him, I didn’t get excited or aroused by him. We hadn’t crossed that bridge yet, but I wondered if when I came to that bridge, would I even want to cross it. On top of that, we hadn’t discussed positions since we first spoke on the phone. He told me he didn’t have much experience in the bedroom originally. He said he never really bottomed, but he may be willing to experience it. Since then, I got a different picture learning about the long-term relationships he’d been in. I wondered if they were sexless, or was he lying. We were two tops, and that was going to pose a problem as some point.
After we finished dinner, we walked to Brother Jimmy’s to meet his friends. He was excited to introduce me to them. They’d already seen pictures of me and predicted I was a far better man for him to date than the one he just let go. They already loved me before even meeting them, so it was my game to lose.
S.D. introduced me to them, and we hit it off pretty swimmingly. His best friend, a female, pulled me aside to talk and gossip. We chatted, and she expressed how much she liked me. “You’re just the right amount of gay,” I was told. I’d always thought that about myself, but it was still interesting hearing someone say this to me. Even the friend, the girl who was working behind the bar planted a kiss on me, right on the lips. It was a pleasant surprise. I was a hit!
S.D. also told me his friend from work, “his little buddy,” was joining us. This kid was gay and even lived with S.D. on the couch for a period. They were very close and best friends of sorts. When this kid arrived, I was introduced to him. He seemed very nice, and we exchanged small talk. Almost immediately, S.D. and he separated from the group and began chatting the night away. It was obvious to me S.D. had a crush on him. I wondered if the little guy just wasn’t interested in S.D. and that was the hangup for why they weren’t together. I felt incredibly neglected. I was getting quite drunk, and that usually peaks my emotional state. I was very close to walking out the door and going home without a word but better judgment kicked in.
After we watched someone who looked like Snookie do an amazing rendition of Adele for karaoke, I was ready to go home. I was drunk, and I was trying to see past how he ignored me. Even after all I drank, the bartender charged me seven dollars. I’m still not 100% sure why, but I asked S.D. if he wanted to come back to my place and spend the night. I think I wanted to test our sexual chemistry. I wasn’t looking for sex. Clearly that wasn’t possible in the state I was in. I just wanted to get somewhat physical with him.
We made out way back to my place and quietly made our way to my room. We climbed into bed to spoon, and I passed out quickly.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. When we woke up in the morning, we started spooning and fooling around. There was a lot of heavy petting and oral pleasuring. It wasn’t long before he was straddling my chest fondling himself. It also wasn’t long before he excited himself so much he finished right on my chest. He asked for my permission, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen almost immediately.
We lounged in bed for some time before I made us breakfast. There was a bit of a schedule for the morning, however. My parents were coming into town for Easter weekend. I needed to get him out of there before they arrived. Just as we finished eating, I got a call from my parents. They were downstairs. I told S.D. to quickly get dressed and make his way down the back stairwell. He was fine with this, and we agreed we’d chat later on the phone. I hustled him out the door and kissed him goodbye.
One minute later, I threw on flip-flops and went down to greet my parents. They didn’t make a single comment about the guy leaving my building. I had yet another celibate weekend in front of me, and this was a good thing.
Follow @onegayatatimeBack to School
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 30, 2012
With things gently crumbling between Chelsea and I, I decided to give Middle Eastern another chance. I enjoyed spending time with him, and he certainly was a nice kid. I wasn’t sure if I could see myself dating a guy still in college, but I figured it certainly couldn’t hurt to give it a shot.
Wednesday morning while I was on my run, I did a lot of thinking. I was trying to clear my head. I realized I wasn’t all that into Chelsea after all. There were a few things about him I liked, but there was nothing there that got me truly excited to see him again. I didn’t want to waste either of our time, so I decided it was best to tell him how I felt.
While at work Wednesday afternoon I thought about him a M.E. He was such a sweet guy, he was quite interested in me, he was smart… There were a lot of great qualities there. The big question — Is he mature enough for me. I’d never dated someone that much younger than me before. I wasn’t basing this on a number. I was basing it more on his personality.
The other side of the coin was how great he was in bed. I really enjoyed being with him the first time. I fantasized about he and I having sex in the locker room shower of my gym.
When I got home that evening, I told him to come over. He didn’t hesitate. He finished what he needed to do, and he made his way to Hoboken.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. When he arrived, we immediately went to my bedroom. He was hungry for sex. We quickly stripped each other until we were naked and enjoyed kissing, groping, sucking, etc. It was nice to be with a man who was so passionate once again. He loved to kiss and was good at it. I didn’t have a single complaint about him. After ample foreplay, we had sex. It appeared I created a bottom. He was all about it now, even begging for it this time. It was hot. I really like how masculine he was, but also how much he was willing to bottom for me. This was an unusual combination from my experience. [I actually had to walk away from the computer for a minute because I was thinking about the fun we had and getting a bit too excited while writing this].
Afterwards, I went into the bathroom to relieve myself. I came back to my bedroom to find M.E. on his phone. He was doing a lot of typing. I encouraged him to come to the living room with me to watch TV and be somewhat social with my roommates, but he told me he’d be out in a minute. He had a few messages he needed to reply to.
Since I last saw him, he sprained his ankle. I’d been giving him some advice, having sprained both mine multiple times and being related to a physical therapist and someone who teaches athletic training. As a result of this sprain, he wasn’t able to go on his planned spring break. He told me he was working out the logistics of rescheduling the trip for another time.
I left the room and went to the living room. I’m not 100% sure why this idea popped in my head, but I wondered if he might be on Grindr. I had my phone and tablet with me, so I pulled up the app and checked it out. He didn’t show up on either. Maybe he wasn’t on there, but my suspicions weren’t fully satisfied. When about ten minutes passed, I went back to the room to see if he was coming. He put some of my clothes on and joined me. We watched another episode of Modern Family together.
While he watched, he sat behind me in the chair, and I laid between his legs watching the show. We both laughed a lot. By the time the show was over, it was late. I suggested we go to bed, and he agreed. I asked him what he’d told his roommates about where he was going. He told them he was heading home for the night.
While he was brushing his teeth, he left his phone on my night stand. My mind shot back to the chance I had to look at N‘s phone the night I witnessed him kissing another man in front of me. Boston convinced me it was a bad idea. I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. I had no problem if he was using Grindr. We were not exclusive. I was seeing other people. I just found it incredibly offensive if he was cruising Grindr from the comfort of my apartment. That was not okay in my book. I needed to know. I turned his iPhone on, and sure enough, at the top of the screen was an icon for Grindr showing he had 23 messages. I placed the phone back down on the night stand and processed what I just learned. Not only did he have messages, but he blocked me on both my accounts so I couldn’t see that he was cruising Grindr.
It was that exact moment I decided M.E. and I wouldn’t date after all. It was fine if we spent time together and enjoyed having sex, but I wasn’t going to date him long-term. I couldn’t trust him. I wasn’t mad he may be seeing other guys or even having sex with them. I was mad he was attempting to line up other guys from my bedroom. I decided not to say anything right then and there. It would simply form my future behavior.
He came back to the bedroom, and we both climbed into bed. I wrapped my arms around him and he climbed into the natural crevice I created as big spoon until we dozed off.
When we woke in the morning, we fooled around a bit. I had to go to work, but I made sure to set an extra early alarm to allow for a little fun in the bed followed by a shower with each other. It was sexy and a nice way to start my day.
We left together, and he gave me a ride to the PATH. Since he told me last time he wished I kissed him when he dropped me off, I decided to oblige that request. I gave him a nice smooch before heading into the city to start my workday. I liked M.E., but not enough to make him my boyfriend — Not after what I learned. But, it would be nice to have someone around regularly to share affection and pleasure with on occasion. Maybe this was the start of a beautiful friendship…
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 27, 2012
Today is another Fast Forward Friday!!!
Hope you are enjoying these. It will help bring the blog a little closer to real time. If you’re keeping up with the stories chronologically, please skip down to this morning’s post first, then read this one. I think it’s a good one! Enjoy!
Back to your special edition of One Gay At A Time…
After our date on Monday, I wasn’t sure when I’d see Chelsea again. Things were moving forward at a nice pace, but I still wasn’t diving in like I normally do. What was holding me back? Was I finally going about things the right way? Was I not fully interested in him?
That Tuesday was his last day in his current role at his job. He went out celebrating with coworkers, and when they were nearing the end of their evening of drinks and fun, he texted to ask if he could come by. Two days in a row. I certainly didn’t have a problem with that. He obviously wanted to see me, and I was very happy about that. One of his coworkers lives across the street from me, and they were able to share a car. I told him I’d be thrilled if he came over.
When he arrived, I could tell he was quite tipsy. It was cute how he couldn’t hold his liquor. Alcohol gets him quite lubricated. He was very flirtatious once again, as he was at the end of our first date. Everyone was buying him drinks since he was no longer be working out of that office. His new territory was Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire, etc.
We started with some kissing when he walked in the door. I took his hand and led him to my bedroom. He was wearing a full suit, so I found him some more comfortable clothes. In the middle of changing, we began to fool around. It was fun. He was a good kisser, and we were making out all over my bed. I liked having someone of the same size to hold, kiss and roll around with. This time around, he certainly wasn’t shy about being in just his briefs. We had a lot of fun with each other and still no sex. And, I was fine with this. I knew things would progress slowly, and I was quite happy about that. ( I was missing sex a little).
He was a sweet guy, but that night was a little different. I saw a side of him I hadn’t only caught a glimpse of. A lot of his drama started pouring out, and I realized he had just been trying to keep it all down in an attempt to not scare me off. Now, I was getting to see the real Chelsea. I went to bed with a different picture in my head. Was this what was holding me back? Did I think maybe he was a bit too gay for me?
We watched TV and ate some dinner. a lot of the little things I ignored previously were bothering me that night. We went to bed at a reasonable hour. After sleeping together twice and it not ending well, I made a suggestion at the risk of sounding cold. I told him there was no need for us to snuggle while we slept. I tried to be honest and realistic about it. I said, “We can cuddle and snuggle, and when we’re ready to fall asleep, we can curl up on opposite sides of the bed. That way you will get a good night’s rest.” I also took this as the opportunity to tell him I wanted to go for a run the following morning. I was finally getting into a workout groove, and I didn’t want to throw it off. I could sneak out while he was still sleeping, and when I returned we could get ready to head into the city together. With that, we both went to sleep on opposite sides of my California King bed.
I woke in the morning and quietly snuck out to pound the pavement. I had a good run. I needed to clear my head, and the run was just the ticket. When I returned, I hopped in the shower. When I came out of the shower, I gently woke Chelsea. Normally, I would have slipped back into bed with him to cuddle, but I wasn’t feeling it. It was then I realized I wasn’t particularly sexually attracted to him. He was very shy about his body, and while I enjoyed the slower timeline and waiting, a part of me knew it was an important part of the relationship I couldn’t ignore. I’d sacrificed that in the past too many times. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
I continued to get ready. I was pretty quiet, but then again, I usually am after I work out. I’m also not a morning person to begin with. I either get quiet or I become combative, as my mother learned many a time riding home from swim practice in high school. There was little talk and discussion as we got ready for work/for him to head back home. When we emerged from my room, I found a mess left by my roommate. I detailed to him why I was so annoyed and how this was a common occurrence.
The walk to the PATH wasn’t exactly full of chatter either. I struggled to think about things to talk about. I fixated on his new job and asking the questions about how he was going to handle it. Subconsciously, I was noticing all the things in the back of my head I’d brushed aside once again. Now, my cons list was growing.
When we got to his stop, I gave him a quick peck on the lips. I could tell it made him uncomfortable, but I was trying to force myself to stop being ashamed of being gay. If he were a woman, I’d have had no problem kissing her to say goodbye on the PATH. Why should I censor myself just because he was a man?
Later that day, I received a text from him asking me if everything was okay, or was it my roommate. I blamed my quietness on being annoyed with my roommate, but in reality, I was no longer looking at him as a prospect.
That weekend, I went shopping with my friend, P. While at the Woodbury Common Outlets, I got a text from Chelsea asking, “Will I see you at the end of the week?” I didn’t want to drag this out. I decided in my mind I was no longer interested. It was going to be tough to convince myself otherwise. I replied, “[Chelsea], I don’t want to lead you on or anything, but I’ve been giving it some thought. I just don’t know if we’re a strong match. You’re a really nice guy, I just don’t know you’re the guy for me. I want someone who is going to be around more… That’s important to me. Hope you understand.” Immediately, he responded, “Yup. I feel the same way :). Anyways, all good here. Please do me a favor and put me in touch with your friend about subletting my apartment, and I’ll see you sometimes in the city :).” I don’t know if that was his way of protecting himself emotionally or if it is how he truly felt. Either way, it was a clean break. All was good, and we could still be friends if we ran into each other in the future.
Chelsea Early
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 26, 2012
Saturday morning I woke up at a decent hour. It wasn’t easy sleeping with Chelsea. He thrashed constantly.
We quietly chatted for a few minutes lying face-to-face before I told him to go back to sleep while I made breakfast. I whipped up some of my famous homemade pork and apple sausage, scrambled eggs and sliced up an avocado. I brewed him coffee and went back into my room to rouse him. I slowly slid into bed and nuzzled with him to gently wake him. He was really cute, and I enjoyed doting on him a little.
When I finally woke him, we embraced and flirted a bit. I was feeling a bit randy and naughty, and I was trying to get a little frisky with him — Nothing serious… just a little heavy petting. He was quietly protesting, but he was enjoying it. When I finally managed to sneak his briefs down to his knees, he gave in. It was better than I expected. We had a little fun, but again, nothing serious — Just a lot of groping. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. After a bit, I made my way to the kitchen, and he joined me. He was very grateful for the breakfast spread and raved about how good it was.
After we finished eating, we moved to the couch to relax in front of the TV. My female roommate woke up and came into the living room. I introduced her to Chelsea, and they hit it off immediately. We had our laptops out, and we were playing on Facebook. My roommate was telling him all about her dating life, and Chelsea was trying to think of guys he could set her up with. I became a non-participant observer at this point while the two of them had girl talk. She apologized for monopolizing our time, but I didn’t really mind. It was nice to see him interacting with her. I always put prospective men through a litmus test. They must meet my friends and get along with them before I will fully accept them.
The time came for him to head back into the city. He needed to do a bunch of things before he started his new position in Connecticut. He was also looking to find a sublet for his apartment while he was traveling for work Monday through Thursday. I told him I’d talk to my friends about renting it out, but I wasn’t thrilled he was about to start a job that would have him traveling far away. This would most likely mean I wouldn’t see very much of him. He would only be around on the weekends. If I went away for the weekend, I wouldn’t see him for a long time. It was a tough obstacle I could see in the near future.
When he got back to the city, he texted me about his conversation with his friend. He was talking about where he was the previous night, and the friend asked him how we met. He was embarrassed we met on Grindr and lied. I texted him back telling him he need not lie in the future. He should simply tell people we met through a mutual friend. He also realized he forgot his toothbrush. We made plans to go out again on Tuesday, and I told him I could either bring it to him, or he could leave it at my apartment until the next time he spent the night. I was being slightly presumptuous, but he decided to leave it at my place.
That night, I went to one of my best friend (and avid blog reader), J’s surprise birthday parties hosted by his fiancée (another avid blog reader). It was still March and still cold outside, but there was no way I was taking the train out to where he lived. Every time I took the train there, I ended up sitting at the train station for roughly and hour or so, and then spent over an hour on the moving train. He lived a 40 minute drive away, so I decided if I bundled up, I could brave the cold and ride the motorcycle out there. Boy was I way off.
I froze my a$$ off. I was incredibly cold the entire ride. I couldn’t wait for it to be over, but my friend, J is well worth it. I also got to hang out with one of my other college teammates who just moved back from California. I hadn’t seen him since I went out there for a trip with friends and met up with him for an afternoon.
J was so surprised to see both myself and our other teammate. He didn’t even know he came back from CA. I was thrilled to see him so happy and glad I made it out there to witness it. When everyone was packing up to head home or off to the bowling alley for some more fun, I decided to split. It was already nearly midnight, and it was only getting colder. I said goodbye and sped off for home trying to avoid hypothermia in the process.
When I got home, my roommate and I chatted about how much she loved Chelsea. She thought he was a good fit for me and thought he was a really great guy. It was nice to hear her glowing review. I had nothing but positive reviews as well, but only time would tell if this was meant for the long haul.
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 
Ladies and Gentleman, My Boyfriend
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 13, 2012
The morning after my “wild night,” I woke early. I was happy to realize I didn’t have a hangover, but I had a lot to do. I sat at my desk and went through circulars to make a grocery list, I went over my to-do list, I cleaned my bedroom, did two loads of laundry and sorted through my clothes to get rid of some of them. It was a very productive morning. The only thing I didn’t get done was to make it to the gym.
I planned to head over to the Hoboken Arts and Music Festival around 2:00. That’s what I told P and my sister. As I was walking out the door, he called to apologize for running late. He was just walking out the door to hop on the PATH. Obviously he wasn’t going to arrive at 2:00. I told him I’d be at the festival, and I would make my way to him when he arrived.
I managed to find P, my sister and her friend without much effort. P had her dog, Baby, with her and needed to find her water. I told them I needed to make my way to the PATH to get CK, and they were welcome to join me. They all followed. We waited at the PATH for some time before he finally arrived. It was close to 3:45 before he finally arrived. He was running late as usual. I happily introduced him to the three of them, and we made our way back to the festival to find lunch.
That being said, I greeted him with a hug, and we spent a large portion of the day holding hands and our arms around each other. This was a first for me. I did relax a bit and began to let my guard down.
We found the steak sandwiches I’ve gotten many years in the past and hopped in line. My old roommate (also my favorite roommate) was making his way toward us, so I told him where we were. I introduce him to CK, and he reminded me I’d met the girl he was with in the past.
As we ate, we walked uptown chatting. He mentioned wanting to do something special for my birthday that Friday. He asked if I’d be able to get out of work early, and I told him it shouldn’t be a problem. All I knew about this surprise was that it would cater to my adventurous side. I thought it was incredibly sweet of him to plan something special for me.
P, my sister, her friend, CK and I were all heading to City Bistro to grab a drink on the rooftop bar since it was such a nice day. We found a seat and relaxed. I could tell one of the guys on the roof was making comments about CK and I, but I didn’t care. I continued resting my hand on his leg or putting my arm around him. I noticed two guy I thought might be gay and informed CK of the “Pickle game” I’d learned from Boston in Miami. We agreed they were gay.
The time came for us to head out. CK wanted to go for a ride on the motorcycle, and I needed to start dinner. We had to stop at ShopRite on the way home for supplies, and it was a bit of a walk home. CK wasn’t happy, but he did it — Not without complaining most of the way.
When we got home, we cuddled in bed for a few minutes before I told him I wanted him to help me with dinner. As I put the beef roast in the oven, I asked him to slice the potatoes for the scalloped potatoes on the mandolin. I warned him quite pointedly to be careful since the blade was so sharp, and I’d already cut myself pretty severely on it once, as did my mother. When he was cutting the last potato, he sliced his finger pretty badly.
When dinner was ready, we ate in front of the TV. He raved about how good dinner was. We watched the shows I normally record on a Sunday night. It was really nice to have him fit so nicely into my routine. That was a sign our relationship had a solid foundation.
When we got tired, we made our way to my bedroom. He must have been really tired, and he kept dozing off. I wanted sex, but it was quite obvious that wasn’t going to happen. It’d been quite some time since we had sex, but I would have to settle for some cuddling instead.
He was out cold, so I brushed my teeth and came back to bed. I must have roused him, because he too got out of bed to brush his teeth. We turned out the light and fell asleep in each other’s arms.
“Baby. You taste so sweet today!” he told me. I was a bit shocked to hear this considering N told me I tasted awful. This made me like CK so much more in that moment. Seconds later, he exploded all over his own abdomen. It was incredibly hot to watch.
We went back to the shower and cleaned up. That morning, we joked about water sports. He threatened to pee on me in the shower. I told him if he did, I would certainly be returning the favor. When I saw his warm stream hitting my feet, I delivered on my promise. Both of us immediately got weirded out, and that ended immediately. “Yea. That’s definitely not going to be a thing!” I exclaimed. He nodded his head in sever agreement. Afterwards, I bandaged his finger once again and gave him a band-aid for the road.
We got ready and made our way to the PATH. I had to say goodbye to him in Hoboken to get my allergy shot, and he hopped on the PATH.
Monday, he called me as I was picking out a wedding card at CVS. He wanted to know if I was still in the city so we could meet up for a bit. I’d just gotten off the PATH five minutes prior. He was hopping elevator, so he told me he’d call me when he got up to his apartment, but I didn’t hear back from him.
We made plans for Tuesday, but work got in the way for him. I proposed getting together Wednesday night at my place for Revenge again instead. I also left work early to pick up my new custom-made bed. I was so excited! I brought it home and assembled it. It was amazing. I sent him pictures, and he responded, “Can’t wait to break it in!” He also asked me if I would be interested in a show at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade. I told him that sounded great. Later Tuesday night, I texted him, but got no response until 12:30, just after I dozed off.
The question of fidelity did cross my mind for a hot second. I wondered if we needed to have the exclusivity conversation or was that covered under the can I be your boyfriend conversation? It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, but my mind can run wild at times. I was just going to keep it in the back of my mind until I decided whether it was necessary to bring it up…
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