Archive for September, 2011
Party Like a Rockstar
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 30, 2011
After my post car-ride romp with Closet, I set off for the city to meet up with the tattooed, long-haired hunk I’d been chatting with for months. He sent me some of the sexiest pictures I’d ever seen. He was nothing like any type of guy I’d ever dated, but there was something about him that really drew me in. Every time I showed my friends/roommates his picture, they exclaimed their disapproval and pointed out how difficult it was for them to picture us fitting together.
However, I don’t always listen to my friends. He was both sexy and stimulating on a conversational level. I am an equal-opportunity dater. I will meet with almost anyone to see if chemistry exists. Everyone deserves a chance.
I texted him as I walked to the PATH to find out what the plan was and where we were headed. Earlier in the day, he asked what I had in mind. I knew he didn’t drink, so I suggested grabbing coffee or a bite or taking a walk. He responded to my texts explaining a friend was feeling a little down and wanted to hit up a movie. Would I be interested in something like that? I wondered what was up here. Did he feel a chaperone was necessary? Was he not that interested after all? You can’t exactly chat much in a movie. It’s perfect for a third or fourth date. You just sit and hold hands/stroke each other’s arms and enjoy just being with each other, but as far as a first date goes, it’s not the best option.
I agreed and asked him to tell me where to meet him. He gave me the cross streets that are near his apartment. I hopped on the PATH, got off at Christopher Street and got in a cab to cut across town to the Lower East Side. I wasn’t particularly thrilled with where he lived. It was a very inconvenient neighborhood for me to reach on a daily basis, but again, I couldn’t let something like that get in the way. And, who knows? Maybe he would just become a booty call.
I arrived at the corner to find him in an old rocker tee with the sleeves cut off, safety pins joining a big tear in the material, ripped jeans and boots. He was in great shape as well, with his biceps exposed. He was nothing like the guys I’d ever gone on dates before, but I was entranced. He looked great. I examined his tattoos as we walked.
In the biggest twist of irony, we skipped the idea of hitting the movies. There was no mention of it at all. Instead, he turned to me a proposed, “Wanna go grab a cupcake?” It was precious to hear those words coming out of this tough, hard rocker guy. It was a big part of what drew me to him. Rough exterior with a soft cream filling. I graciously obliged, and we made our way to the coffee shop. He ordered a tea and a red velvet cake while I grabbed a slice or tiramisu and a SmartWater. We sat on the two seats sitting on the sidewalk outside the shop and began chatting.
I learned about his job and his hobbies. He is a songwriter in his spare time, and a few years ago, he was part of a rock band. He took the time to show me some of the videos he cut together with their music as well. I was duly impressed. He shot almost all the footage himself and edited the videos together to the soundtrack he wrote and his band (or him solo) performed. I actually liked many of the tracks and appreciated his talent. I think he was impressed a piece of white bread like myself would be interested in music of that genre. I genuinely liked it and would have put some of them on my iPod. I told him he’d have to send me some of them when he got home later.
We chatted about what I do for work, and it segued into some of this other projects as well. He did screen prints and tee shirts as well. I liked this guy’s entrepreneurial spirit on top of his day job (not including for anonymity’s sake). When they were ready to close up shop, we made our way down the street. He was looking to buy cigarettes, so we walked to a few shops to find his brand.
In the meantime, we saw two brightly lit flying objects hover over a highrise building and then disappear. I am in no way saying this was an alien, but it certainly was a UFO. He pulled out his iPhone and captured some quick video of the incident and immediately posted it to Facebook. We were both baffled as to what they could be, as well as where they disappeared to.
As we continued to walk, we somehow got onto the topic of his celebrity. He happened to be a contestant on a reality competition show on Bravo. I was now beyond impressed by his talents. He detailed some of his creativity through the challenges and told me how far along he made it. I don’t know why he didn’t bring this topic of conversation up earlier. Some of the previous conversation was dry, and this would have breathed new life into the conversation. I was more interested in the idea of the competition than I was with the fact he was on TV.
After sharing a cigarette and looking at some of his artwork on his iPhone, the time came to say goodbye. I was a little disappointed I got no action. It was obvious he wasn’t that interested in me, but I was still attracted to him. He gave me a hug, and I flagged down a cab.
Since the date, we’ve become Facebook friends and have chatted a few times, but I don’t see a second date in our future. However, that doesn’t mean a friendship won’t blossom where a relationship would fail…Follow @onegayatatime
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 29, 2011
On Labor Day, we began our journey home early in the morning. It was a fun week in Martha’s Vineyard. It wasn’t quite the same as other years. Outside my dalliances, the week seemed very tame. I wondered if it was because some of the group are now paired up, or if it was because we are getting older. Either way it was a great way to end the summer, even if I’m not exactly proud of how I behaved this summer.
I spent the five and a half hour ride in the back of the car. While I was on the island I found a guy on Grindr who lives on the mainland. I tried my hardest to get him to come visit for dinner/drinks/more, but no bites. I talked to him the entire ride home, but that’s another post for another day.
I knew I’d arrive home mid-afternoon. I didn’t want to waste the day unpacking and lounging in front of the TV, so I tried to lay some groundwork for an evening date with some of the candidates still on the roster. When none of them replied, I was quite disappointed — And, horny. After chatting and exchanging pictures with my Massachusetts mainlander and other random Grindr men I encountered on the road home, I was in the mood for some action. I didn’t want to pull in another random from Grindr or adam4adam.com. I was trying to curb sex with strangers. I did however have two friends with benefits still in my back pocket. They were itching to hop in the sack with me as much, if not more than I was with them. They both messaged me numerous times while I was in Martha’s Vineyard to inquire about my return home.
I called up Closet Guy and told him to come over. He jumped at the opportunity, but needed to run home and shower before he could come over. And, just my luck, one of the guys on my roster took that moment to respond about meeting up that evening. He had been on the roster for MONTHS. He was one of the first guys I talked to, and we had been trying to meet up ever since. I wasn’t going to turn down the opportunity to finally meet up, but I also had to deal with Closet. So I did what any horny, selfish guy would do — I scheduled both back-to-back. I told Closet to hurry because I needed to go into the city to meet up with a coworker to discuss everything I missed over the week before heading back the next morning. It was perfect. He would come over, have sex and leave without any of the post sex chatter.
(Warning: The following may be too graphic for some) When he arrived, I brought him straight to my bedroom. He stripped, and I threw him down on the bed. We made out like we hadn’t seen each other in months. Hands all over each other. It wasn’t long before he was begging for me to be inside him. He hopped on top of me and went to town. It was just what I needed after a long car ride. Shortly after, I rolled him over and we tried a few other positions, ending with him on his back. That’s when things got slightly messy. It’s always unfortunate when that happens, but it happens. It’s the nature of the beast. It’s quite a mood killer, but I always try to be dignified about it. I’m sure it was a learning experience for him, as I was the only one to penetrate him. I asked him if he wanted to move things to the shower and conveniently laid the hand towel I had at my bedside over the spot on my comforter as to not draw attention and embarrass him further.
Once in the shower, we lathered up and continued the fun until we were both fully satisfied. It actually worked out quite well because I love shower sex, and I needed to shower before heading into the city to meet the long-haired hunk I texted earlier. It was both fun and a time saver.
We toweled off and got dressed. I kissed him goodbye at the door and continued to get ready for my date. I thought things would change when I arrived home from vacation. I thought I would get back to my old self where I could only have sex with someone I truly had feelings for, but I was wrong…Follow @onegayatatime
Sex On The Beach
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 28, 2011
Friday had come and gone on the island, and I behaved myself. I was trying to enjoy my time with my friends and stop thinking about finding a guy to hang out with, hookup or not. But, when Saturday rolled around and most of my friends were all coupled up, I started feeling lonely once again.
We went to a bar in Oak Bluff, Offshore Ale Company, to pregame for a night on the town. We ordered plates of french fries and tried some of the many beers they offered on tap. Everyone was well on their to a drunk night.
Throughout the night, I texted the Russian and tried to get him to come out to the bar. He wasn’t interested. However, he was quite horny and was looking to meet up with me. He proposed we hit up a remote stretch of beach between Oak Bluff and Vineyard Haven. He told me he’d drive over and pick me up in twenty minutes. I had patchy service everywhere on the island (Thanks for nothing T-Mobile!), so I was worried he wasn’t going to be able to reach me. Ironically, that night at the bar, I had exceptional service, but almost forty minutes passed by with no word from him. I texted, but I received no response.
I figured he was either running behind or something came up, so I contined to hang out with my friends. Ironically, I ran into my college teammate’s best friend whom I’ve drank with many times in Hoboken. We chatted a bit before he needed to leave, and then I made my way back to the rest of the gang.
I excused myself to go outside to call the Russian and see what was up. I told everyone I’d be back in a minute after I made a phone call. When I got outside, I saw him standing by his car. He apologized for not getting back to me because he forgot his phone at home. I hopped in his car, and we left for the beach. I texted one of my friends to explain I wasn’t coming back in the bar, but I would join up with them later in the night.
We pulled off the road into a small parking lot by the beach. Just as we were walking down to the sand, another car pulled up. We figured we’d need to walk a bit to get out of site of the new arrivals. It didn’t help the moon was bright that night. (Warning: The following may be too graphic for some). When we found a spot, we started to make out. He unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants. He got down on his knees in the sand and went to town. He felt amazing. Already, this was much better than the ginger and the construction site. All attention was coming to me, and I was basking in it. He took off his sweatshirt and laid it on the ground and laid down on his back on top of it. I laid on top of him. By now, both our shirts were off and our pants were around our ankles.
We agreed there would be no penetration, but we were going to have our fun in other ways. And, boy did we. We tried many positions and permutations, trying to avoid getting sandy at all times. After we finished decorating the sand, we got dressed carefully and walked back to the car. The last thing I wanted was to spend the rest of the night at the bar with sand in my clothes and boxers. We sat on the hood of the car and shared a cigarette. When it was finished, we hopped in, and he drove me back to town where my friends were drinking and dancing at the bar.
I arrived too late and was not granted access, however, this worked out well because some friends were heading home anyway. I joined them to head home for some late-night mac n’ cheese.
It was nice to have a friend with benefits on the island. He lived on the island year-round and makes his living in various ways, one of which is photography. This would be the last action I got on my vacation, but that didn’t mean the conversation ended there.
Since leaving Martha’s Vineyard, I became Facebook friends with the Russian. The Boston guy with the girlfriend has made it a point to text and email me the dates he is coming to New York City. The ginger photojournalist has texted me once to reiterate the good time he had and to ask how the rest of my vacation was going once he arrived back in D.C. Overall, it was a nice ego boost. Apparently I’m that good and hot enough they felt the need to followup.
Most likely, I will never see any of them again, but I take with me some fun memories and new experiences. Just as my vacation was ending, my priorities began to shift. Sex was starting to severely lose its mystique. It tends to do that when you have meaningless sex. I needed a change and this was a good transition point. When I got home, things were going to be different — Or at least that was the plan…Follow @onegayatatime
Is This A Porn Shoot?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 27, 2011
After meeting the ginger, I was talking to a very attractive resident of Martha’s Vineyard who is originally from Russia. He is very attractive and very sexual. I attempted to invite him to meet us at the beach or come out with us to the bar for two straight nights, but he declined every time.
Instead, while out to dinner one night before hitting the bar scene, I came across a guy on Grindr who happened to be at the same restaurant. He seemed nice enough. When we finished our meal, I walked up to the bar to meet him and introduce myself. My friends weren’t far behind. It took all of three seconds to realize I would not be interested in this man from New York City.
As soon as he opened his mouth, it was quite evident he was a big ol’ mo. He is a 6’4″ ball of flaming queen. I couldn’t get out of there soon enough. Of course, I was too polite to simply walk away, and we exchanged numbers. And, just my luck, he was heading to the same bar my friends and I were going to. I did my best to hustle my group along except one of my friends stepped in to “help me out.” She didn’t quite realize how uninterested I was in this guy.
Our group split, and half of us went to the bar — The other half went home to bed. The Grindr guy and his straight friends followed shortly behind us. All the straight guys began hitting on the girls with me. I put a pylon between the Grindr guy and I so I wouldn’t have to engage him on conversation further. He started to chat with one of my female friends while I stood in the background and made myself as unattractive as possible. My friends and I were trying to see who could look more pregnant. Classy, I know. When we all finished our one beer, we moved on, but not before Grindr Guy grabbed me and tried to plan a beach trip for the following day. He was going to text me where they were, and we were expected to join them. That never happened.
So, just when I didn’t think I could dive any deeper into casual sex, I come to surprise even myself. The following morning, I was chatting with a good looking guy from Boston who was very discreet and had a girlfriend. He was looking for some action. I was only half interested. I was still trying to make things happen with the Russian. We were heavily flirting and exchanging pictures. He asked if I found any other hot guys on the island. I replied, “I’ve yet to see any serious talent since I’ve arrived.” I wasn’t about to share the Russian with him. That’s all I needed was for him to scoop him out from under me. He was very interested in me, but explained he was already making plans with another guy to have some fun in the woods.
At that point, he proposed the three of us get together. I didn’t know how to react. He already established he was not interested in sex but was looking just to fool around — “circle jerk” as he put it. I cautiously agreed to participate but needed more specifics before I would feel completely comfortable. At that moment, the Russian started responding.
I tried to see if he was interested in meeting up that morning instead of the party in the woods. I would go for a run to his place and spend some time there before anyone was even out of bed. That’s when I found out he was going to be the third party in the circle jerk. It’s also when the guy with the girlfriend started scolding me for trying to steal the Russian away from him. I explained I had been talking to him for some time. He of course called me on my earlier comment about the island’s lack of talent. It was slightly awkward, but we got passed it.
I learned the other two had already chosen a spot in the woods to meet. It happened to be 3.5 miles from where I was staying. I also learned I had slightly less than a half hour to get there. I threw on shorts, shoes, popped in my iPod and took off towards the site. I arrived shortly after the other two. The spot they chose was a construction site in the middle of the woods. It looked like a giant sinkhole.
When we all gathered, we tried to find a place to get out of site. I vetoed the original plan of walking into the woods, namely because I didn’t want to spend the rest of my vacation covered in poison ivy rashes. In the center of this hole in the ground were construction vehicles. Although they were the center of attention from all sides of the site, we managed to duck between them and get out of site.
(Just a warning, the following may get graphic) Almost immediately, the other two dropped their shorts to their ankles and began to jerk off. I followed suit. Every began to participate and aid each other in different combinations between the three of us. I was dripping with sweat from my long sprint, which surprisingly was a turn on for the other two. It brought me a little more attention as well. This was the first time I participated in anything with more than one other, so I was slightly intimidated. However, it was easier to relax a bit because I knew it wasn’t going to escalate to penetration. We all had our fun and eventually finished ourselves off in succession. I was on quite a high. Between hooking up in public, doing it with two guys, the run, and climaxing, I was in a different world. I had no idea how I was going to make the run back home. My legs were weak.
We decided it wasn’t a good idea to linger, especially the paranoid guy who had a girlfriend. He split off and the Russian and I casually walked back to the highway. He offered to give me a ride, and I graciously accepted. This would also help cut down on the time I was away. We had casual conversation the whole way back about our inability to connect with just the two of us earlier in the week and the other guy’s situation playing both sides of the fence. He dropped me near the house I was staying at, and we agreed to touch base later about hanging out.
I ran back to the house and hopped right in the shower. While I stood in the shower, I thought back on the morning’s events. It played out like a Sean Cody gay porn. The only thing missing were cameras. Everyone was just waking up and getting ready for the day. It wasn’t even the weekend yet, and I already had my first ginger and my first three-some. Who knew what the rest of the trip would bring. Only time would tell…Follow @onegayatatime
Can I See Your Press Credentials?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 26, 2011
That time of year finally arrived — The end of summer. It’s always both a sad time and a happy time for me. I am a sun worshiper. I love the beach, and I love a good tan. It means the days get shorter, and the nights get longer, which isn’t necessary a bad thing when you have someone to share those nights with. Of course if you’ve read this blog at all, you know I don’t have that someone. However, it is a happy time for me because it means the annual Martha’s Vineyard trip many of my friends and I take has arrived. We always have a blast, and it’s one of the best crews I’ve ever traveled with. Everyone is mature and responsible, yet they still know how to have fun.
Since things ended with N, I kinda went on a whoring rampage. My time in OCMD was nothing short of scandalous. But, I was having fun. And, why shouldn’t I? I’m a single 27 year-old who is still finding himself in this new gay world. While everyone was having sex in high school and college, I was a good boy. I had my share of awkward hookups with women, but nothing successful enough to blossom into a relationship and rarely something worth revisiting again. Plus, the only way I would get better at sex was practice. So practice away I shall.
We hopped on the ferry to the island, and I fired up Grindr. I was beginning this trip with five other straight friends and ending it with ten. I knew I would crave some stimulation from other like-minded gentleman. Many of my friends were in relationships, some of which were tagging along on the vacation. I didn’t want to always be the third wheel. I made an effort to find someone to maybe sneak off on my own with.
Of course I found a few attractive men right off the bat, but pickings were actually quite slim. Many of the attractive ones happened to be on the mainland. One guy in particular messaged me. He was on the Vineyard covering the President’s vacation and had stayed on longer to cover Hurricane Irene as a photojournalist for CNN. He was staying in Vineyard Haven, where we were pulling into port around 9:00am. He could see my ferry coming in to port from his hotel window. He suggested I come by. I was definitely intrigued since he appeared to be quite an attractive man — Fit and handsome. I was also intrigued because originally he told me he was a CNN journalist in the President’s press corp. I thought it would make for an interesting story for the blog (This thing can be such a bad influence on my decision-making process sometimes!). He was a bit older, but I was on vacation, so my standards could also take a vacation. I explained to him I was just arriving on the island and would need to get settled in. Coming over for a quickie was not a solid option. That didn’t deter him. He certainly was persistent. He was waiting for a ferry, but was unsure which one he would get on due to the cancellations from the hurricane.
We arrived at our house and began unloading the car. We settled in and unpacked. I was originally under the impression we’d be heading directly to the beach, but everyone seemed to be lounging about. I inquired if I would have time to go for a run before we went anywhere. Everyone agreed they weren’t heading anywhere fast. I wasn’t really all that into meeting this guy, but at this point, there was no reason why I couldn’t. Am I proud of this? HELL NO! I was stupid and saw it as a challenge. So, I told the guy I was on my way.
In my haste, I left for the run shirtless. I hate running in a soaking wet t-shirt, so I left it behind. I wasn’t thinking ahead to the part where I would be walking into a hotel without a shirt on soaking wet from a run.
I texted him the whole way, almost getting hit by a car twice. He told me his room number and planned to leave the door ajar. He would be waiting for me in the bed. I was not really comfortable with this. I really felt like a gigolo, only I wasn’t getting paid. I explained my need for a towel when I arrived to help with the sweat from the 1.5 mile run, so he left one hanging on the door knob for me.
When I arrived, I walked right past the front desk straight to the elevator. When I go to the door, I entered the room. He was waiting on the bed for me. I removed my shoes and began to take off my shorts. He pulled me in, and we started to make out. I didn’t realize from his pictures he was quite the redhead. His entire body was freckles. He was my first ginger. Without getting into the details, we had our fun. SAFE fun. When all was said and done, I picked up the towel again and cleaned up as best I could. He couldn’t stop telling me how sexy I was and how great my body was. I don’t embarrass easily, but he was certainly making me start to blush. He told me if he didn’t get on the ferry that night, he would be calling upon me to go on another morning run the following day. I knew this wasn’t going to happen, but I humored him anyway. We exchanged a kiss, and I was back off on my run home.
Of course, the second I left for my run, everyone back at the house began speculating on my reason for leaving. I knew this was going to happen, and I could tell the second I walked back into the yard they had been discussing this. One my friends, a very loyal reader, immediately grilled me on how my run was. I saw right through her intentions, and I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of being right — Until now. I lied. I denied any lewd behavior on my part. I simply told them I was stuck on the other side of the drawbridge and had to wait for it to be lowered again. They bought it, and with that, I went in the house to shower and get ready for the day.
Ironically, later that night we had dinner on the beach in Menemsha. We stayed to watch the sunset and had a blast. We had no cellphone service out there because it is a remote part of the island. When I arrived home, I notice a message from the ginger mentioning seeing me on the beach that night. It was a little creepy knowing he didn’t take a ferry that day and saw me that evening. I was very grateful he didn’t walk up to me and say anything. And, of course, the following morning I had a request for a repeat, but there was no need to revisit that again.
I wasn’t on the island an hour, and I had already gotten myself into trouble. This was certainly going to be an interesting vacation…Follow @onegayatatime
The Closet Turns in His V-Card
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 23, 2011
Just when you thought you heard the last from N, he’s made his way right back into the blog. You certainly weren’t the only one. We hadn’t spoken in a while. I got tired of his constant insinuations I was a whore. I was finding myself, and he was certainly not someone who should be judging me. I was over him, but I still wanted his friendship. But, if that meant dealing with the harassment I was receiving, I didn’t need his friendship that much.
On a random Thursday night at 12:30am I received a text from N. This is the conversation that ensued:
N: “Wanna go out? Cmon! Lol. I just got in from dinner with French coworkers.”
“Lol. I took tomorrow off.”
Me: “Haha. Me too.”
N: “Hahahahah. Let’s gay bar. Lol. Jk. N’ play with men.”
Me: “Haha. Where’s your boy?”
N: “My boy?”
N: “He’s home. I just said I wanna play. Not hookup.”
Me: “I wasn’t saying that.”
N: “I’m not a slut.”
Me: “I didn’t say you were. Don’t put words in my mouth.”
N: “Can I put something else in your mouth instead?”
Me: “Lol. I’m not a slut. Haha.”
N: “I bet. ;)”
Me: “Okay. Maybe a lil”
Me: “You at home?”
Me: “Not going to the bar, but I’ll hang on the balcony if you’re down… Bored…”
Me: “Ha! Waiting for a better offer?… Haha”
N: “STFU. I’m smoking with my roommate.”
THE NEXT MORNING
N: “God, I was wrecked.”
Me: “Any interest in a trip to the gym uptown?”
N: “I’m going into work in five. Taking a cab. Or else I would.”
Me: “I thought you took the day off?”
N: “I think I’m going there from now on. I saw your old roommate there Wednesday.”
Me: “I know. Don’t change your gym for him. He’s not gonna blow you in the sauna…”
N: “Okay. I wasn’t changin’ for your weird unattractive ex-roommate, or for a sauna blowjob. But thanks for looking out.”
Me: “Any time.”
He may have gotten his jibes in, but I certainly didn’t stand there and take it this time. I started out playing along to try to show him the comments didn’t bother me. I thought if I played along, maybe they’d stop. I was wrong. That’s when I realized I needed to throw it right back at him. It seems to have worked. At this point I needed a break. His drunk texts may have been sober thoughts, but I wasn’t playing that game! It just proved to me once again I was the guy who conveniently lived across the street. Only time would heal that wound.
That entire week, Closet was texting me asking for sex. That Friday night I was free, and once again, I was home alone. I told him to come by.
This time, when he arrived, we went straight to the bedroom. We chatted while he took his shoes, shirt and pants off, but that didn’t last long. He lunged for me on the bed and was immediately on top of me, passionately making out. We stripped each other of all clothing and enjoyed each other’s company immensely.
Then, out of nowhere, he informed me he had been doing some preparation that week and asked me to try penetration again. I knew he was a virgin to this and it would certainly be a learning experience for him. I debated if I wanted the responsibility of being his first. He was a really nice guy, and we were having fun. In the five seconds I thought about it, I convinced myself, “Why not?” We were both here just to hook up. Why shouldn’t it be educational as well?
We both prepped, and I began slowly. VERY slowly. He of course winced at first, but soldiered on. I was impressed. After a while he really enjoyed himself, but then all of a sudden he asked to stop. He said he felt the need to urinate. He ran into the bathroom but nothing. He came back, and we began again. He apologized once more and said he had to use the bathroom. Again, nothing. He came back perplexed. I explained it was something he needed to get used to feeling. I was possibly pushing on his bladder or prostate. The whole time we were hooking up, I was slightly distracted. I kept thinking about how much he felt like a kid. He is older than I am, but he certainly felt like the much younger student. It was a strange dynamic. I barely knew what I was doing. How was I teaching someone else?
We began again, and he started to relax and enjoy himself. By the time we finished, he was enjoying himself full force. And thus, a bottom was born!
We laid there and chatted a bit. I got us glasses of water while we talked. After some time passed, we both showered, got dressed, and I gave him a kiss goodbye. I didn’t want to get in too deep with him, but for the time being, we were having fun. I wasn’t going to stand in the way of that. I had a feeling as well, this wouldn’t be the last time I saw Closet…Follow @onegayatatime
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 22, 2011
On my walk home from work, I called my new Grindr friend to see if we were still on for drinks that evening. Sadly, however, he told me he wasn’t sure he would be able to make it. He still had to walk his two dogs and had a few things he needed to take care of. I was very anxious to meet him that night because it was the last opportunity I would have before heading to Martha’s Vineyard for a week. I know when momentum breaks, enthusiasm also wanes. I told him, “Well, go take care of what you need to do, and if you still think you can do it later, let me know.” He was worried I was missing out on other plans waiting around for him, but I assured him I had nothing planned for the evening. He wasn’t keeping me from anything. Such a gentleman.
As time passed, I had the idea to just invite him to my apartment to share a bottle of wine. It was a very nice night, and I have a comfortable balcony we could sit and chat on. I texted him the idea, and he happily agreed. An hour passed, and I heard nothing from him. I cut up different cheeses and laid them out on a nice platter with grapes, crackers, and chocolate covered espresso beans. Just as I was about to call him, I heard a buzz at my door. I buzzed him in and told him to come to the second floor. I opened the door to find exactly what I expected to see. He threw his arms open and gave me a big hug, exclaiming, “I made it!” I’m a big fan of hugs and feel people don’t hug enough theses days. After a sweet embrace, he sat and I poured him a glass of wine. He commented on how nice my apartment was and told me how easy it was to get there.
I asked if he wanted to sit on the balcony and he graciously obliged. We grabbed the cheese platter and wine and made our way outside.
He began by asking my family background. I told him my father’s side is German and my mother’s side is Polish, Irish and Welsh. I am a European mutt. He told me his grandfather was a Nazi who escaped Germany once he realized what was going on and that he was in over his head. He came to the US and started a famous steakhouse. His grandmother was a Native American bootlegger from who made moonshine. I’ll let you figure out how the two met. They then divorced when she ran away with a man in a terrorizing biker gang
The previous night, he told me he was a cowboy at one point in high school in another county. He explained how similar this was to Brokeback Mountain (minus the sex), as men were paired up. Like all the other pairs, he developed an extremely close bond with the man he was paired up with much akin to a brotherhood. When the time came for “Indiana Jones” to move back to the states to go to college, he had to say goodbye to this close friend. They stayed up all night reminiscing and crying about how much they would miss each other. I was so very touched by this story. I asked where his friend is now, and I was shocked and disappointed to find they haven’t been in touch since he left. I scolded him and told him to rebuild that connection.
When he came back to the states, he went to art school. He was always fascinated by art, anthropology and archeology. After he graduated, he traveled to India and fell in love with the culture. He told me about how ingrained in the local society he became. He wasn’t simply a tourist.
When he came back to the states, he was setting up his studio. He was cleaning things up and came across a windfall possibly worth millions. Instead of taking this money and living a high life, squandering it on a lavish lifestyle, he did the unthinkable. He took the money and built a hospital in the remote areas of India. When I learned of this, I was truly amazed. It was an ultimate act of selflessness. I was sitting next to one of the greatest men of my generation. After building the hospital, he decided to start a charity. I watched multiple videos on YouTube describing the work he is doing. He has built schools and hospitals and set up women’s centers. Someone even followed him around for five years and made a film about his life and his work.
The previous night, I was watching Labyrinth. The subject of David Bowie came up. Indiana Jones not only worked with him, but knew him on a more personal level. He worked with many celebrities beyond Bowie. Through his charity, he has worked with people from Bono to the Dalai Lama. Through his work and art, he has worked on many movie sets, such as Beloved and Chicago. He’s actually close enough friends with Renee Zellweger that she texted him when she started dating Bradley Cooper. When I asked him who his favorite person to work with was, he replied, “No one’s ever asked me that before. Hmmm. Mother Theresa. She has this sexiness about her. And, not in the typical sense obviously.” I retorted, “No. I completely understand. She’d have to have a certain charisma about her to produce such a following. She has to be persuasive. I see that same charisma in you. I can see why you are so successful.”
I’m not a celebrity whore. They are people just like you and me. I treat them as such. I definitely respect their work, but I’m not going to go crazy just because they scribbled on a piece of paper for me. This man is a worldwide celebrity, but I don’t think he knows it. I made it a point to tell him. He’s known by people all over the world from the most remote corners of India to the Himalayas to Africa to the U.S. People greet him with warmth and respect. He truly is doing good all over the world.
I, of course, asked about the Oprah thing. He was very humble about the experience and tried to downplay the whole thing. I am most impressed by the media impressions something like that generates. His story reached so many people. I can’t imagine what it did for his organization. He was also in O magazine. When he was telling me about the movie about his life and the need for distribution or a venue, I simply suggested he contact Oprah’s people and get it on her new OWN network. He thought it was a brilliant idea and said he would make a point to mention it to the director/producer.
I asked him about his charity and how much overhead he had. He explained that a majority of it is simply him. I asked, “Well, who answers the phone?” He detailed a small staff, but it really all boiled down to him and his board of directors. We talked about his need to find someone who could take over the reins when he was no longer able to do so. It would be a shame for all that hard work to just stop because the driving force behind it disappeared. He needed to find a protegé.
He took the time to tell me not only about all the good works his charity is involved with, but also about his personal life too. We talked about his partner and he showed me some pictures of him, his dogs, his house in Vermont he tries to escape to, etc. It was nice to get to know him on a personal level.
When we finished the bottle of wine and the entire cheese plate, it was time for him to head home. He had to pack for his upcoming trip to India. As he stood up, he said, “We spent so much time talking about me, next time I want to hear all about you!” I joked, “You’re life is slightly more interesting than mine!” I walked him to the door, and we exchanged another embrace.
As I walked to my room, I had a smile from ear to ear. Who would have thought I was capable of finding such an amazing friend on Grindr? But, I did. This would be the start of a beautiful friendship, and I looked forward to every minute of it!
You Were on Oprah!?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 21, 2011
Sometimes someone comes into your life and just simply blows you away. You have no idea where they came from, and you have no idea why they are talking to you. They are simply amazing, and you feel you don’t deserve a minute of their time.
On a random Monday night, while watching Labyrinth with my roommate, I was poking around on Grindr. I came across a good looking torso so I messaged him my standard message, “Hey stud.” I don’t know why, but that line always seems to work. I think men can’t resist being called stud. I know I would be highly flattered if someone said it to me.
We began chatting. He was a really nice guy and quite a gentleman. I learned he lived not far from me in Jersey City. We started flirting a bit and swapped a few picrtures. I told him why I was on Grindr: I am looking to meet guys and see where things go. I told him about my sordid dating life, and what I was really looking for in a man. He told me I seemed like a really great guy and asked why I was still single. I told him I was hunting for my unicorn, a monogamous man who acted like a man and was willing to give me as much as I was willing to give him. I then turned the question on him. He said, “I never said I was single.”
This is the part of the conversation when my heart sinks. Every time someone says something like this to me, a little piece inside of me dies. There have to be guys out there who are happy with their relationships and aren’t involved in extra-curricular activities outside their relationship.
I asked him to elaborate. (I apologize if this gets vague, but I am doing so to protect this man’s identity… He is somewhat of a public figure as you will come to learn) He explained his partner is a performer who continued to work beyond the typical age of retirement in his field. Because of this, his partner has to take a lot of medication, and he thinks it has severely effected his libido. As a result, after seven years together, they haven’t had sex in a year and a half. On top of that, he travels the world for months at a time (he was gone for 5 months when we started chatting). My heart went out to him on this one. That is a long time. But, I still don’t see that as an excuse to sneak around and find sex outside the relationship.
Every time he asked for sex, his partner was always too tired or not feeling well. A year and a half of that is unacceptable. They needed to talk about it with each other, even if it was something his partner wasn’t interested talking about. He rationalized being on Grindr by saying he needed to feel sexy, so why couldn’t he flirt a bit. We had a very adult conversation about the whole situation. I told him he needed to force his partner to address their problems. Relationships are about two peoples’ happiness. If he wasn’t getting everything he needed in the relationship, he needed to speak up more forcefully. Basically, I talked him out of doing anything he would regret down the road. I never want to be something someone regrets. No one wants that negative energy associated with himself.
He replied, “Okay. Sorry for the pictures! Just friends!” I needed friends just as much, if not more than I need a lover. I was excited by the prospect because this man seemed to lead an exciting life. He was an amazing man who had a weak moment. I told him not to worry about the pictures and made sure to reiterate I thought he was a very sexy man. He loved his partner, and it was apparent. From then on, we had a friendly conversation to get to know each other. I could tell we both have very curious minds. I wanted to hear all about him and his life’s adventures.
In high school, he moved to another country for some time and was a cowboy. After that he went to college in the states. Following, he made an extended trip to a remote part of India and fell in love with the culture. When he came back to the states, he came upon a windfall amassing him a very large sum of money. Instead of squandering it, he put it to good use and started a charitable organization.
The man is basically Indiana Jones. I almost didn’t believe his story, but then discovered someone made a movie about his life. But the coup de gras was when I found out he was on Oprah. Not that she is the end all and be all, but she added legitimacy to his story no one else could equal. I was honored a man of this caliber was interested in being my friend.
We talked about the celebrities he’s worked with and the good he’s done in the world. In the back of my mind, all I could think about was the medium in which I met this amazing man. To anyone who says Grindr is simply a hookup, I feel you are sorely mistaken. Grindr is what you make it. It is simply the medium for communication. You choose the messages you send.
After I finished watching the movie, I called him on the phone to chat more. I was purely fascinated. Before hanging up, I made plans with him to grab a drink the following night. He agreed to come to Hoboken, as he had to travel to Edgewater to meet a friend. We would find a nice quiet bar to grab a glass of wine and chat. I was elated. The following night, I texted him to confirm our plans, but those plans would have to change…
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 20, 2011
When it comes to men, I don’t have a type. The only real parameters I put on men are strong masculinity and that they take care of themselves. I’m very turned off my feminine, flamboyant men, and I lead a very active lifestyle, so I need a man who can keep up.
That being said, I message a lot of people on Grindr my friends would be shocked to find me with. One such man is a VERY muscular and looks like a total meathead. But, that was just my first impression. I try not to judge a book by its cover, so I attempted to investigate if there was more to this guy.
Surprisingly, he responded to my messages. He seemed like a really nice guy. We had a fair amount in common, and he didn’t live far from me. I learned he is an ex-marine who works in finance and travels quite a bit for work. He is very successful at his job as well. We exchanged pictures, and I found him very sexy. He is much bulkier than I am used to, but if he was okay with my body, I was certainly okay with his.
We attempted to find time to meet, but failed due to busy schedules. It just never quite seemed to work out. When he returned from a business trip, we finally picked a day to catch up. He proposed we meet at Energy Kitchen in Hoboken early Sunday afternoon (okay, so maybe he is a little bit of a meathead). This worked out well for me, so I gladly agreed. He was going to go for a bike ride and would start there for lunch, and it would be good motivation to get me out of the apartment earlier and get moving. I was going to head to the gym following our lunch.
I rode my motorcycle to meet him. We both arrived at the same time. He was a beast of a man, and somewhat intimidating. We went inside and ordered. We sat and started to chat about work, where we lived, what bars we went to, what we did for fun, etc.
Much to my surprise, this guy was a big ol’ softie. He loved gay clubs. This big marine dude went to some of the worst gay bars I’d heard of. I had a hard time picturing it all in my head.
We also talked about Grindr and a few of the guys we’ve spoken to on there. He talked about a few dates he’d gone on with guys from there. Ironically, I was chatting with one of them the night before. He saved me a lot of headaches by telling me the guy was incredibly sexy but completely fem and a total clinger. We continued comparing notes for a little, each getting a good laugh or chuckle here and there at the other’s expense.
When we finished eating, he was anxious to get out on his ride. He asked if I ride and encouraged me to do so as his biking buddy. I explained I didn’t have a road bike and had no desire to invest in one, but was always up for a good workout otherwise.
We said our goodbyes with a handshake, and he suggested we meet again soon. I didn’t think he was all that interested in me. We had good conversation, but I didn’t see strong chemistry/potential. However, he could certainly be a good friend.
Much to my surprise, after his bike ride, he sent me a text: “Hey stud. Was good to do lunch. 🙂 You got looks and personality. Are you on Facebook?”
I figured, what the hell. He seemed nice enough. Let’s keep him around and see what develops…Follow @onegayatatime
Visit From the Closet
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 19, 2011
As I watched my roster shink over the summer, I began to revisit old friends. Adam4adam.com came back into my daily routine. I noticed I received a message from a 28 year-old guy who was still in the closet. His profile read: “Just lookin around, new to hookin up with guys and not out at all, so not really sure where I’m at right now. I do know I’m definitely extremely discreet and expect the same. Other than that, just playin it by ear.”
I knew this guy was going to be a delicate dance. His picture looked pretty good, and I was interested, so I reached back out to him. We exchanged a few emails about our current situations and talked about how fresh we both were in the gay world. I think that’s what he was looking for. Throughout every conversation we had, he stressed his need for discretion. I explained, “I spent 26 years in the closet. If anyone knows discretion, it’s me.”
We never made any plans during any of our initial conversations, but on a random Friday night, I found myself not interested in going to the bar. I had the apartment to myself, and I was bored so I hopped on a4a to check my messages. He happened to be online at the time, and I happened to be very horny, so I told him to come by. He had to shower and drive to Hoboken, but he was game.
This wasn’t my first rodeo. I was finally comfortable with these situations (not that that’s a good thing), and I realized I didn’t need to put in so much effort. When he arrived, I was sitting on the couch in gym shorts and a tank watching Jurassic Park. I poured us both a drink, and he joined me on the couch. We had casual conversation for a bit. Surprisingly, he made the first move. He put his hand on my leg when we were talking and left it there. As the conversation progressed, we stopped paying attention to the movie and began making out on the couch. Shortly thereafter, I pulled him over so he was straddling my lap, and we began an intense and fun make-out session.
When things got heated, and we were down to our boxers, I took his hand and led him to my bedroom. The boxers came off and the real fun began. We both had fun exploring the other’s body. He certainly was no Adonis, but he had a tight body nonetheless. I was enjoying myself, and he seemed to be as well.
At one point, he asked if I wanted to attempt penetration, but added a big disclaimer about his complete lack of experience in that realm. He was skeptical it was actually going to happen, and because of his comment, I knew it wasn’t. If that was going to be his first time, it certainly would take more prep. Five seconds after my initial approach, our suspicions were correct. He apologized, as he did a lot in bed. He was embarrassed by his lack of experience, but I actually found the role of teacher satisfying. I wasn’t the first guy he slept with, but I also wasn’t at the end of a long list, that’s for sure.
I often think back to everything I learned from Broadway and how absolutely patient he was with me from the start. I always try to embody that when dealing with someone new to the gay world, both in the bedroom and out.
When we realized penetration wasn’t going to work, we moved back to foreplay. After we both finished, we cleaned up and laid next to each other talking. I wasn’t thrilled with this. I wanted to have sex, not a long dialogue about being a closeted gay. However, I’d never be so rude as to say that or scoot him out the door. He was fresh, and I needed to be gentle with the delicate situation. I was also trying to find someone I could call on regularly for sex instead of random new guys all the time, so I didn’t want to do anything to mess this up. We talked for a half hour before he realized how long we’d been chatting. We got dressed and went back out to the couch to watch TV.
He sat down and I laid my head in his lap. It felt very comfortable, and I certainly didn’t mind that. He pet my head while we talked and watched TV. Eventually I fell asleep in his lap until he woke me to tell me he was heading home. I apologized for dozing off on him, but he was actually quite delighted it happened. I walked him to the door and kissed him goodbye.
He was a really down-to-earth guy and a big sweetheart. I liked him, but not enough to want to date him. And, the whole still in the closet thing was not something I wanted in a relationship.
Going forward, I was still searching for my unicorn, but in the meantime, he would become my go to on those lonely horny nights…Follow @onegayatatime