About Me

Where to start?…

From an early age, I was different. Looking back, I exhibited many of the typical gay indicators growing up. I watch home movies of myself, and I notice a certain flamboyance that makes me cringe a little inside. Ironically, the typical male/female roles are quite reversed in my family. My sister is a hardcore football fan, and I’m much more of the artistic/design/film oriented one. While I did very well in school and sports, I was always on the more artistic side of the spectrum. Growing up, I wasn’t bullied or picked on a great deal. However, I can remember a few instances of being called gay, but it was more in the generic lame delineation kids use versus a homosexual connotation.

I don’t know when I discovered my attraction to men, but I remember paying more attention to the men than the women in my uncle’s porno mags around the age of 12. At that age, I thought it was something I could suppress or get over as I got older. I thought it was just a secret I would take with me to the grave. I even had a long-term relationship with a girl through my junior and senior year. While I strongly appreciate my upbringing on a farm in the rural Northeast of the United States, I knew it wouldn’t be my home forever. I knew I needed to branch out.

I left my home state to attend a small liberal arts college known for their communications program — My major. Throughout college, I didn’t pursue men, even after learning one of my best friends/roommate was gay. I still wasn’t comfortable with my sexuality. I secretly watched porn and snuck glances at the guys on the football team showering in the locker room. In the meantime, I found myself falling for a few of my close female friends/teammates, only to have my advances spurred by them. I tried to foster relationships with a few girls, but it never seemed to stick.

My sexuality was questioned on more than one occasion in college, at times publicly, and I denied my attraction to men every time. I compelled my accusers to point out any time they saw me doing anything inappropriate with another guy or even an instance where they caught me checking out another man. I think I even started to believe the web of lies I was spinning at one point.

After I graduated, I moved to Hoboken, NJ in the shadow of NYC. Every weekend I went to the bar unsuccessfully pursuing women. I was alone, and I wanted a relationship desperately. There were a few hookups and make out sessions, but nothing that lasted. I spent a lot of time in online chat rooms and eventually forged a strong connection with another man. So, at the ripe age of 26, I came to the life-changing conclusion and finally admitted to myself my true self — A gay man. This by no means defines me, but it is a part of me and a part of who I am.

I don’t like to define myself as gay and even struggle to say the words “I’m gay” out loud. I feel we are all on a spectrum. No one is 100% gay. No one is 100% straight. And, no one is 100% bi. I still find women attractive, but they don’t excite me like a man can. I fall just right of center on the gay side of the spectrum — I yearn for male companionship and sexuality over the relationships I forge with women.

Since then, I’ve been riding the roller-coaster known as the New York City gay dating scene and sleeping with the city that never sleeps. This blog is an anonymous account of my dating life in NYC and what happens next…

  1. #1 by Jarryd on June 22, 2011 - 11:06 AM

    I really enjoy reading your blog! I think you write about a good variety of stories of what is going on in your world!

    • #2 by One Gay at a Time on June 22, 2011 - 11:16 AM

      Thanks for the kind words. This process has been great personally, but it really makes my day when someone else enjoys my blog!

      • #3 by Jarryd on June 23, 2011 - 12:27 PM

        You’re welcome! I definitely agree with you! It’s validating to know someone else likes what you write!

  2. #4 by Mark Littel on August 29, 2011 - 2:56 PM

    I left a comment on another post… but really enjoying reading your blog. Glad I stumbled across it! I’m in the same boat… just 10 years later + wife and kids. I’m glad you realized this now. 🙂

  3. #5 by Andinho. on September 7, 2011 - 5:34 PM

    Hey! How are u doing? Well, man! I have read your story in What Gay Means Blog and it’s also so interesting your blog, I am your new blog follower, and you’ve got different things to share, please check out my blog. That’s my world. I’m sorry my written words. Feel free for commenting in my blog.

  4. #6 by Nate Smith on January 28, 2012 - 12:38 AM

    What sport did you play in college? I’m a swimmer myself just starting to come out and accept who I am. I know how being a part of a men’s athletic team makes it that much harder!

    • #7 by One Gay at a Time on January 28, 2012 - 1:01 AM

      Swam in college too! What was your event? I came out to my classmate teammates first, then the rest found out slowly over a year ish. It was easier than I thought it would be! Hope it’s going well for you!

  5. #8 by Quin Stringer on February 11, 2012 - 6:43 PM

    I look forward to reading your blog. I have been toying around with telling my story I moved to NYC a few years ago and was my first exposure to gay life. Prior to that I served in the United States Army and then as a Government Contractor that augments the Army which is what I do now again after a break and realization that I need more money to stay afloat in the City. Anyway I look forward to reading more once I finish my shift in Kuwait best of luck and keep you your journey!

    • #9 by One Gay at a Time on February 12, 2012 - 5:32 PM

      Glad to hear! Thanks! Alway have a lot of respect for servicemen! Good luck in Kuwait.

  6. #10 by Zohan on February 22, 2012 - 2:18 PM

    Great writing style. I don’t precisely remember how I stumbled on your blog however I am happy its not at a waste of time.

    You’re inspired in your writing style and keeps a lot of us going.

    I am also going through similar phase and its not easy. 🙂

    • #11 by One Gay at a Time on February 22, 2012 - 7:18 PM

      Glad you did stumble and very happy you like my style. Appreciate the compliment! Hope you pull through whatever you’re facing right now!

  7. #12 by Cameren Kahler on February 25, 2012 - 7:32 AM

    Wonderful title. I am 27 years old now, living in the Inland Empire (L.A., California), and I am starting the abatement of my sexuality. It’s an inner controversy which as you wrote, “I think I even started to believe the web of lies I was spinning at one point.” As I implore the desires of mine, i find that I receive reprisals from people like you. Amidst the flew with-in the internet, I am happy to have found someone, around my age, assailing the past and making an illustrious account, as it may be, on finding himself. I hope to be of affordable amenity.

  8. #13 by DressySJP on March 5, 2012 - 11:48 AM

    hi there! Found your blog somehow through similar tags from my blog and I’m in NYC too. I love your story and look forward to keeping up with you. I think you would be great for an NYC based blogging network called Single Edition. Check them out online SingleEditionMedia.com
    I’m on twitter as well, @EXGFprblms

    See you around 🙂

  9. #14 by Laura on March 13, 2012 - 10:16 AM

    That’s brave of you to open up. I understand what you mean about not liking the labels or wanting to use the label “gay”–I was anorexic and feel the same way; not wanting to define myself by the term “anorexic.” good luck; congratulations.

    • #15 by One Gay at a Time on March 13, 2012 - 12:39 PM

      Thanks. I really appreciate your support!!! Thanks for reading

      • #16 by Laura on March 13, 2012 - 1:32 PM

        Yep! You’re welcome.

  10. #17 by BoyinPlaid on April 5, 2012 - 12:33 PM

    So awesome, this blog. Keep on writing! 🙂

    • #18 by One Gay at a Time on April 5, 2012 - 12:44 PM

      Thanks!!! Glad you enjoy it!

  11. #19 by Scott on October 15, 2012 - 10:44 AM

    I stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago and when I find the time to read them I am always inspired. I know this is probably korny, however my heart, mind and body seems so free and lifted up. I have learned in life this past 40 YOUNG years. That in life, one must kiss a lot of Toads to find their Prince. Good luck in your journey and please keep being honest and open.

    • #20 by One Gay at a Time on October 16, 2012 - 7:05 PM

      I’m so happy I could inspire you and lift your spirits. That really means the world to me. It for people like you I write this blog. I have also learned a lot about kissing toads. I have my fair share of scars from the warts left behind. Trying to put all that behind me and move on to something so much more meaningful and solid. I will always be honest and open. You can count on that!

  12. #21 by Kelly Thornton on December 2, 2012 - 6:19 AM

    I love your blog. Good work hunny 🙂

    • #22 by One Gay at a Time on December 4, 2012 - 12:01 PM

      Thanks for the love!!

  13. #23 by Anonymous on March 22, 2013 - 3:28 PM

    Awesome blog, I check ever now and then and catch what I missed. I’m not sure on my sexuality but that doesn’t matter right now. Keep blogging, very interesting. Well done. 🙂

    • #24 by One Gay at a Time on April 15, 2013 - 1:34 PM

      Thanks for the kind words. I hope you come to figure out what you really want in life and go after what makes YOU happy! Life’s to short to worry about making everyone else happy!

  14. #25 by Anonymous on March 22, 2013 - 3:30 PM

    Amazing blog! I have to say, I’m not sure on my sexuality but that doesn’t matter I’m still interested in your blog and I visit now and then to catch up what I have missed. Keep blogging and well done! 🙂

    • #26 by One Gay at a Time on January 7, 2015 - 1:11 AM

      Thanks for the love!!! Hope you find what you’re looking for!

  15. #27 by Anonymous on June 29, 2015 - 1:53 PM

    I’m 27 years old and have been in a relationship with a great guy for three and a half years. Things are going well and we still love each other to death. I never had much of a single life and didn’t let myself experience too much in the dating world after I came out, for whatever reason. I’m realizing, as I get older, that I may have missed out on a lot, though I still wouldn’t trade what I have for anything. I started at the beginning of your blog and am working my way through it. It’s been really cathartic for me to read and I hope you continue actively writing. Best of luck with everything – keep writing!

  16. #28 by Anonymous on June 29, 2015 - 1:56 PM

    I’m 27 years old and have been in a relationship with a great guy for 3 and a half years. I never really let myself have much of a single, fun dating life. As I’m getting older I’m realizing that I may have missed out. I’m really happy where I am and wouldn’t trade my guy for the world, but your blog has been really cathartic to read. Hoping you keep on writing!

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