Posts Tagged lying

Meeting the Hatfields

Today is another Fast Forward Friday!!!  

Hope you are enjoying these. It will help bring the blog a little closer to real-time. If you’re keeping up with the stories chronologically, please skip down to this morning’s post first, then read this one. I think it’s a good one! Enjoy!

Back to your special edition of One Gay At A Time…

Southern Drawl was very anxious to see me. Before our last date ended, he asked me, “So, when do you get to see me again?” It was a bit egotistical, but it was also a little cute.

I had plans with other guys for the rest of the week with the exception of my volleyball game on Thursday. We agreed to do happy hour after work on Friday to get the weekend started off right. He was going to the Frying Pan, a permanently parked barge on the Hudson River that doubles as a restaurant/outdoor bar, with a group of his coworkers. Apparently, he was comfortable enough to introduce me to them.

He was already there when I made my way across town to meet him. He worked right across the street, so there was a solid crowd present from work. I found them in the crowd and pulled up a chair to the table. Everyone was very welcoming and nice. They immediately offered me a cup of sangria, and I settled in. I joined the big conversation, and Southern Drawl and I had a few side conversations not meant for the table.

I wasn’t sure to what extent he was out to his coworkers, so I played a vague roll. I didn’t show any signs of affection or do anything that would be a severe tell. I had a good time.

When everyone was ready to go, we started walking. We were heading to his apartment, but we walked with the others until they peeled off to head in separate directions. It was then I was informed that this was a big deal. None of the other guys he dated had met his coworkers. Only one or two of them knew he was gay, so this was somewhat of a public coming out. I’m sure his coworkers would put two and two together if he was inviting a man to join them for drinks. It was flattering he was willing to do that with me.

Since before I met S.D. in person, I’d learned of his incredibly flamboyant and promiscuous roommate. We talked about him to quite an extent on the walk.

I could not have been prepared for his apartment when I walked in there. It was an utter dump! His roommate was lounging on the couch when we arrived. S.D. needed to change before we went out for the rest of the evening. I chatted a bit with his roommate, and he certainly had a strong unwarranted air of superiority. We didn’t get along, but we didn’t clash either. He was a non-entity to me.

Meanwhile, I made a comment about S.D.’s shoes, and I was ripped a new one. He went off on me how expensive they were and how dare I downplay them. I was dying to get out of that apartment, and S.D. was dragging his feet.

He told me his friends from back home in the south were going to be out on the Lower East Side since one of them worked at Brother Jimmy’s. We decided to pick a place in the neighborhood to grab dinner before drinking our faces off. We found a nice Italian restaurant, Pete’s Tavern and shared a delicious pleasant meal. Things were starting to feel comfortable with him. All the awkwardness melted away. We had great conversation and kept each other on our toes. The conversation was great, but I began to wonder if I was sexually attracted to him. When he sent pictures to me, I found him to be quite attractive, but since being with him, I didn’t get excited or aroused by him. We hadn’t crossed that bridge yet, but I wondered if when I came to that bridge, would I even want to cross it. On top of that, we hadn’t discussed positions since we first spoke on the phone. He told me he didn’t have much experience in the bedroom originally. He said he never really bottomed, but he may be willing to experience it. Since then, I got a different picture learning about the long-term relationships he’d been in. I wondered if they were sexless, or was he lying. We were two tops, and that was going to pose a problem as some point.

After we finished dinner, we walked to Brother Jimmy’s to meet his friends. He was excited to introduce me to them. They’d already seen pictures of me and predicted I was a far better man for him to date than the one he just let go. They already loved me before even meeting them, so it was my game to lose.

S.D. introduced me to them, and we hit it off pretty swimmingly. His best friend, a female, pulled me aside to talk and gossip. We chatted, and she expressed how much she liked me. “You’re just the right amount of gay,” I was told. I’d always thought that about myself, but it was still interesting hearing someone say this to me. Even the friend, the girl who was working behind the bar planted a kiss on me, right on the lips. It was a pleasant surprise. I was a hit!

S.D. also told me his friend from work, “his little buddy,” was joining us. This kid was gay and even lived with S.D. on the couch for a period. They were very close and best friends of sorts. When this kid arrived, I was introduced to him. He seemed very nice, and we exchanged small talk. Almost immediately, S.D. and he separated from the group and began chatting the night away. It was obvious to me S.D. had a crush on him. I wondered if the little guy just wasn’t interested in S.D. and that was the hangup for why they weren’t together. I felt incredibly neglected. I was getting quite drunk, and that usually peaks my emotional state. I was very close to walking out the door and going home without a word but better judgment kicked in.

After we watched someone who looked like Snookie do an amazing rendition of Adele for karaoke, I was ready to go home. I was drunk, and I was trying to see past how he ignored me. Even after all I drank, the bartender charged me seven dollars.  I’m still not 100% sure why, but I asked S.D. if he wanted to come back to my place and spend the night. I think I wanted to test our sexual chemistry. I wasn’t looking for sex. Clearly that wasn’t possible in the state I was in. I just wanted to get somewhat physical with him.

We made out way back to my place and quietly made our way to my room. We climbed into bed to spoon, and I passed out quickly.

Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. When we woke up in the morning, we started spooning and fooling around. There was a lot of heavy petting and oral pleasuring. It wasn’t long before he was straddling my chest fondling himself. It also wasn’t long before he excited himself so much he finished right on my chest. He asked for my permission, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen almost immediately.

We lounged in bed for some time before I made us breakfast. There was a bit of a schedule for the morning, however. My parents were coming into town for Easter weekend. I needed to get him out of there before they arrived. Just as we finished eating, I got a call from my parents. They were downstairs. I told S.D. to quickly get dressed and make his way down the back stairwell. He was fine with this, and we agreed we’d chat later on the phone. I hustled him out the door and kissed him goodbye.

One minute later, I threw on flip-flops and went down to greet my parents. They didn’t make a single comment about the guy leaving my building. I had yet another celibate weekend in front of me, and this was a good thing.

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I Think We Need to Talk

Finally, Tuesday night, N agreed to come by so we could talk. When he arrived, we exchanged a quick kiss on the lips. You could cut the tension with a knife. We started with some banter between us and my other roommate while I finished emptying the dishwasher. When I finished, I asked him if he wanted to go out on the balcony.

I knew what was coming, and I knew what I needed to do. I also knew a lot more than he thought I did. I let him go first, fully giving him the opportunity to come clean about his transgressions.

He opened with many, many praises. Two that stood out in my head were good-looking and disgustingly generous. I liked that part. At least he acknowledged what a full package I was, but apparently he didn’t realize it if he was there to break up with me.

We started to chat about his weekend and why he never called like he said he would. He recounted the story as the following: Friday night I passed out on the couch. T woke me up in the morning at 7:30 on the couch with a dead phone. We drove down to Amanda’s and the day got away from me. I didn’t call because I didn’t know what to say to you.”

IMMEDIATELY, I called him out on his lies. I pointed out I knew he never saw Amanda all weekend. He copped up and told me he went down the shore with his family. The way his new story progressed, he got a ride down the shore with his roommate after being woken up on the couch and met up with his parents for the rest of the weekend.

Things still weren’t adding up. I shook my head and told him I knew he still wasn’t being honest with me. He looked at me with a questioning expression. I explained how Grindr pegged him 17 miles away at 2:00am. Immediately, he shook his head and said, “I’m such a bad liar. Why am I lying!? Ok. So Friday night, I met a guy at Elmo in the city with two of his friends for dinner. Afterwards, we went back to his place on Staten Island. Nothing happened. We just hung out and then I went home.” Even then, he was still lying. No one comes back from Staten Island to Hoboken at 2:00. It would take four hours. You’d have to be insane to do that. Inside, I was crying. It was hard to hear. Outside, I was strong.

Going into this conversation, my goal was friendship. I knew we could not date any longer, but I hoped to still have him in my life as one of my best friends. However, he was making it very difficult by lying to me. My friends were much more honest with me than that. I knew what I knew and that’s all that mattered. If he was going to continue to lie to me, that was his choice.

He said, “This is not how I expected things to go.” I said to him, “You thought you were just going to come over here and rip off the band-aid?” His response: “Touché. This isn’t who I am. I don’t lie. You can ask [my roommate].”

Now, it was my turn to come clean. I had to tell him about Mr. Grindr, and I did. “I’m not going to stand here and pretend to be guilt free.” I told N I met him on Grindr. It started innocently, but when he started to suggest otherwise, I went along with it. I told him it was no emotional connection, just sex, and it was just my way of evening the playing field when I suspected him of cheating on me. I only told him about the first time we hooked up. He had no idea. I think I blindsided him with this information. My intent wasn’t malicious. But if I was going to cheat on him, I was going to have to deal with the consequences. After all, we weren’t exclusive, so I did nothing wrong according to “the rules,” but we all know what I did was wrong. I apologized for hurting and betraying him.

He asked if we hooked up in my bed and if he slept in my bed the same night. I simply replied, “I’m not going to get into the details.”

We began to talk about how we were going to proceed. It was going to be difficult at first, but eventually, we would be friends. He apologized for our timing being off. He told me he really liked me and spending time with me, but he just ended his long-term relationship with his last girlfriend shortly before meeting me. He was not ready for another serious relationship.

I took the opportunity to give him some advice. I’m not sure whether he appreciated it, but I think he did. I told him if he got into a relationship with anyone else, he owed it to them to be honest about extra curricular activities. We live in a climate when HIV is a serious threat to both his and his partner’s safety. I also told him I didn’t think he was scared enough of the possibility of HIV. Furthermore, I explained to him how wrong he was for hitting on my close friend Boston. He apologized emphatically. I explained to him if he wanted to have a more open relationship, he should have spoken up. I would have been open to that from the start, but when I thought we were progressing towards a serious relationship, how would I know to act any other way.

Finally, I told him if we were going to be friends, he needed to be more honest with me. “What do you mean?” was his response. I had my next words planned precisely. “Grindr is a small world. That’s all I’m gonna say.”

“What does that mean?” I told him I wasn’t about to elaborate or sell someone out, but I knew he still wasn’t being honest with me. He really wanted to know more details, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. I already knew what he was trying to do behind my back, and in the end, I got the guy he was chasing.

At this point, he had to go home and do some work before the morning. He turned to me and said, “Can I have a hug?” I happily responded “YES!” and we shared a nice embrace. We walked inside, and as he walked out the door, we shared one more long embrace and a sweet kiss goodbye.

I finally got to say my piece, but I wasn’t fully at peace. His dishonesty still bothered me. I thought he had more respect for me — Obviously not. It just proved to me we weren’t meant to be together. Deep down I still had affectionate feelings for him, and that would take time to get over. But, we were over. Only time would tell how our relationship would evolve.

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Darkness Falls

That weekend, N was going down to the Jersey Shore. His roommate has a house in Manasquan, and he was planning to possibly go Friday evening with one of his other roommates.

After my Friday off, and my new-found clarity, I didn’t care what N did anymore. I lost all the emotional attachment I had towards him. It was over. I just needed the opportunity to tell him. To be honest, for my own self-esteem, I needed to break things off with him before he tried to break it off with me. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

Once again, I want to point out that I take full responsibility for my actions. I was wrong to cheat on N. It still bothers me to this day. It’s not who I am. Goes to show what happens when you act on suspicion.

When Friday evening arrived, I was at the gym. I got a text message from N explaining he didn’t know if he would be going to the shore that evening or the next morning. He wasn’t sure when his roommate wanted to go, but if he was staying in town for the night, he wanted to meet up.

I told him my plans for the night. I was going home, showering, hitting up the Zepplin Hall Biergarten with my sister and some friends. I told him he was welcome to tag along if he liked. I wanted to see him because I needed to talk to him, but I debated in my mind if a public setting was the place to have this chat. I was almost to the point of not caring. It was a monkey on my back and I needed it OFF!

While en route to the biergarten, I received a text from N telling me he would meet me there with his roommate. This threw a wrench in my plans because he wasn’t out to this roommate. It would be hard to have a serious conversation.

As time progressed, I texted asking him where he was. He told me he decided to stay in Hoboken and was drinking in his apartment. He was going to meet me when I got back to Hoboken. After arguing with my sister about our planned time of departure back to Hoboken, I finally made my way back. I was going to meet more friends at 1 Republik.

I texted N telling him my plans, but received no response. I sent numerous more texts asking him where he was, asking if he was still planning to meet up with me. But again, darkness. I started to check up on him on Grindr, but he was offline.

Finally, when 1:30am rolled around, I went home. When I got to my room, I laid on my bed and poked around Grindr a bit. All of a sudden, N popped up, and he was 17 miles away. Where the hell was he? Manasquan is not 17 miles away from Hoboken. We went from meeting up in Hoboken, to him being 17 miles away, obviously on his phone not responding to my text messages. What an as$hole! He was obviously up to no good at this point. I sent him a text message, “Well… Have a good weekend I guess…”

Over the course of the weekend I received one text Saturday afternoon from N. “We’re pulling up to Amanda’s house now, but I’m in the car with T. We’re going to get food soon. I’ll call you then.” When I didn’t hear back from him for the next day and a half, I called his roommate the morning of July 4th. She told me she hadn’t heard from him nor seen him all weekend. This was an interesting turn of events, considering he was supposed to be spending the weekend at her house. Pretty sure they should have run into each other at some point if that was the case.

On Monday afternoon, I received a text. N told me he was back from the shore. I texted him back immediately to come by so we could talk, but I got no response.

Later that afternoon, I received another text telling me he passed out on the couch all day and was running late for a party to watch the Macy’s fireworks. I decided to use his roommate for information once again, since when we spoke earlier, we talked about possibly meeting up later. I texted her asking if she’d seen N yet. She told me he just got back from the gym and was making food down in the kitchen. They must have spoken shortly after that because she texted back telling me he was going to a friend’s party. I never let on to either of them I knew he was lying to me about his weekend. I wanted to see his face when I called him on it.

After the fireworks, N decided to come back to Hoboken. He texted me to tell me so, but caveated it by telling me he smoked and was quite drunk. “I know we need to talk and it will prob be serious. I want to be somewhat coherent when we do.”

I begged him to just come over. I needed to get this monkey off. The more I learned about the deceit, the more twisted I felt. He didn’t respond to my texts. Once again, I would have to wait to have the discussion to end my insanity.

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