Posts Tagged Middle Eastern
Tying Up Loose Ends
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 31, 2012
It was happening. I was falling for this great guy who managed to find me on Grindr. Who would have thought? I was still quite unsure how he felt about me, but I still had no luck finding a single fault in him.
I was prepared to take things slow with Clark Kent. I saw no need to rush things. Dating all these men in NYC helped me relax and enjoy things in real time. I didn’t need to think about what was coming next. I only needed to think about what was happening now. I was enjoying his company immensely.
That being said, I needed to tie up some loose ends. I had no desire to see any other guys while seeing CK. He was great, and he kept my attention. I didn’t want to wander and philander. I wanted him and him alone.
The first loose end to tie up was Southern Drawl. It took me two weeks to realize he wasn’t right for me. He’d gone home to the South to visit family, and it offered me a necessary reprieve from him. He sent me a few pictures from down there and a few texts. I responded in turn, but they were very short. When he asked how my day was going, I responded with what I’d done that day. “Well thanks for the play by play. Enjoy the rest of your week. Let me know if you wanna hang out again when I get back,” he responded. I wasn’t going to take that lying down. “Whoa! Where’s the hostility coming from?”
He apologized and explained he didn’t mean it that way. “How bout enjoy the rest of your week, and I look forward to hanging with you sometime when I get back 🙂 xoxo,” he added. I told him we only knew each other a short period of time and warned him not to get ahead of himself. I was using this turn of events to drive a rift between us.
He texted: “Well, that was a joke, but point taken. Wow! So I’ll go back to your statement from a few months ago. Ball is in your court. Otherwise, you won’t be hearing from me.” I reminded him to recall who picked that ball up again in the end. Then came the clincher: “Well, I guess I dropped it cause I’m being drunk and stupid again. Oh well. That ‘let’s not get ahead of ourselves’ $hit just irked me. So Grindr away, do your thing and hit me up if you want to hang out sometime. No hard feelings if not. I’ve learned my lesson about guys in the city and was a dumba$$ to think you could be different. But that’s my fault, not yours.”
I had my out. I wasn’t going to let him talk to me like that. I wasn’t going to try to foster a relationship with someone who made such accusations. We’d known each other two weeks, and I was already getting drunken rants. This wasn’t a good sign of what was to come.
In my book, he was done. I deserved an apology, and until I got one, I wasn’t going to communicate with him. I was going to give him a day to apologize. Just when I was about to inform him he’d killed any chance with me, he texted, “Had a rough night last night. Whiskey on the river. Bad combo.” This was an excuse, not an apology — Unacceptable. Two days later, I responded, “Still waiting for an apology. You were way out of line, and I did nothing to deserve your assumptions!”
He apologized profusely and cited more reasons why he’d been so harsh. “You’re an incredible guy, but if you never want to hang out again, I get it. But, for the record, I did miss talking to you and stuff this week,” he texted. He still seemed to be making excuses for himself. I didn’t respond. A day later, he said, “So, I guess that’s it then, huh?”
I was done with him. I told him from the start I don’t play these games. It seemed to be his mode of operation. I simply replied, “I think we should try friends for a bit. I get that you were drunk, but drunk minds speak a sober heart…” He asked if we could talk and tried calling me. I texted back telling him I was still at work, which was the truth. He started playing the martyr and going off on me. I told him to stop being so melodramatic. When I left work to grab dinner before returning to the office, I called him.
We talked for about a half hour. I explained to him all the things he did and how they were wrong. He didn’t even realize all the things he was doing. I pointed out how he was unloading all his baggage on me and how unfair that was. I did nothing to deserve that. I proposed we take a big step back and work on a legitimate friendship first. In reality, I was pretty much done with him. I was purely being polite. He was a decent guy, but he was a little broken.
He wasn’t satisfied with this and wanted to redeem himself, but I gave him an ultimatum. I said we could either be friends, or we could be nothing. That was his choice. It all depended on his future actions toward me.
As time progressed, and I was too busy to hang out with him when he asked me to, he began getting very snippy with me. I suggested a happy hour drink, but that went south fast. His sarcasm came out in full force until I said, “On second thought, maybe that was a bad idea.” I pointed out to him how combative he was toward me and said obviously this wasn’t going to work out between us. I gave him my work address so he could mail me back the sunglasses he borrowed from me. I didn’t even want to have to go through seeing him again. He’d gotten on my last nerve.
He told me how hurt he was by the whole thing, but I pointed out to him it was all of his own doing. He never treated me with trust and respect before he even had any reason to doubt me. I wasn’t going to take any more of his crap. I’d already dealt with enough. He couldn’t understand how his going off on a drunken tirade toward me was such a deal breaker. “It just doesn’t add up,” he said.
He was clearly hurting. I know this because he typed it out in black and white. “I’m miserable right now,” the text read.
He told me to delete him from my phone and he planned to delete me from his. In another instance, he said, “And for the record, I’m truly upset. You’re one of the good ones. And I’m a piece of $hit to write off apparently.” He wasn’t going to guilt me into liking him again. It was OVER!
That left two other loose ends to tie up. I had been meaning to text the Jersey City athlete for some time. He seemed like a really nice guy, and we got along great, but he was no CK. I needed to be fair to him and let him know what’s up. I texted him and said, “Hey dude. I def owe you a text and an explanation… I had a great time with you that one night, but at the same time, I’d also just met someone. I want to let you know I think you’re a great guy, but things have progressed. And, I want to give this a shot. I hope you understand and don’t take it personally! And I apologize since this message is long overdue!” He responded quickly, saying, I completely understand. I’m in a similar situation myself actually. When it rains, it pours, right?” I was happy to hear he was cool with things. I added, “LOL. Yes. Glad to hear. Maybe we can hang out again sometime and build a friendship?…” He responded, “I’d like that.”
After that, we chatted a few times on Facebook. I asked him how things were going with his new man, but learned the guy simply stopped responding to him. Turns out it was one of my neighbors. We still haven’t found time to hang out as friends, but I’m sure it will happen sometime. I need to have a gay friend nearby these days…
Middle Eastern and I hadn’t seen each other in quite some time. He’d text periodically to see how I was doing, but we made no plans to see each other. I was still a little put off from the time he told me he’d come over and never did.
At one point, he asked if we could hang out again. I told him that would definitely work. I was not opposed to hanging out, but that would be all that transpired between us. No more sex. No more intimacy. We’d purely be friends. It wouldn’t be easy, because we did have a great deal of fun in bed, but I had faith I could do it.
The time came for me to tell him I’d met someone else. “So anything new?” he texted one day. “Actually, yes. I’ve recently started dating someone. Been trying to figure out a way to bring it up… I hope you understand,” I responded. Immediately, he shot back, “Well, I’m definitely happy for you :). And I’m glad you told me. Kinda stung a little, not gonna lie about that.”
I felt really bad. I did like him a great deal, and I didn’t want to hurt him. There was no easy way to tell him, so honesty would be the only way to go. “Sorry! Hence my hesitation. You’re a great guy, and I hope we can be friends!! You kinda disappeared on me. Seemed like you met someone else. I put myself out there and met someone…” I added. He expressed how he was really happy for me and pointed out it just wasn’t meant to be. I told him he deserved someone young and fun and told him I really meant it about being friends. “Maybe. When I get over you. Of course I wanna be friends with you. We discussed grabbing a drink sometime, but that still had yet to happen. Some day we’ll find the time to hang out and become good friends.
And just like that, all loose ends were tied up. It wasn’t easy, but it was over. Now, I could concentrate all my efforts on the new man in my life — Clark Kent. The man who cut the roster down to one.
We tried to make plans to see each other during the week, but it never seemed to work out. Instead, we’d have to wait until the weekend to see each other again. It wasn’t easy, but it would have to do. I didn’t want to do anything to scare him off. I was too infatuated to lose him already. I would be patient. I would wait for things to happen naturally. I would finally do things right, and hopefully, by putting everything I’d learned from all the men I dated, I would find true love.
P.S. I still don’t have my sunglasses…
Follow @onegayatatimeA Child’s Plaything
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 25, 2012
A Thursday finally arrived where I didn’t have volleyball. I thought I would capitalize on this opportunity and do something with my night.
Southern Drawl was visiting home in the South, and I was in the process of dissolving things between he and I. Slowly but surely, I would draw back communications until it was over. I had a great date night with the Jersey City athlete the night before, and only time would tell where that was headed.
That left Middle Eastern. Things between he and I had become purely physical. I liked him, but I was not interested in a relationship with him. He was still in college and apparently entertaining other offers. We had chatted about us over text. He said, “I was just keeping my distance because I am getting too attached to you. And I don’t know what’s happening between us. It sucks because I miss you. Have you slept with someone else in the past week?” I said no. I lied because in truth I had slept with S.D., however, we didn’t have sex. “So what’s happening between us. I get nervous when I think about it. I have an amazing time every time I see you. I don’t want to get stuck in the just friends phase,” he stated.
I had been waiting for this question for some time. I told him, “To be honest, I don’t know. I’ve taken things too fast in the past, and I’m trying to get away from that.” I was being honest now. I didn’t know what we were. We were both on the same page that we enjoyed each other’s company, and we were having fun together in bed. He would send me scandalous picture messages of himself and tell me how much he wanted to see me. I’d put him on the back-burner for a little bit since he grew quite attached. We also went through the Grindr thing, so I wanted things to cool down. He added, “I honestly still don’t know how you feel about me. I’m not asking you to be in a relationship or anything. I know you’ve told me where you stand.” I reassured him, “Just taking it one day at a time and enjoying it along the way. I like you, and if I didn’t, I’d have moved on a long time ago. He responded, “I’m enjoying this too. I don’t know. Like it’s a little hard because I wanna have fun, but in my mind, I have fun and emotions kind of together. So, it’s hard for me to say I’m not emotionally attached to you in any way. So I just get a little scared because I thought you’re going to move on when you get bored with me.”
I explained further, “I never said I wasn’t emotionally attached to you. I don’t know what this is, but I can assure you it’s more than just sex!” He apologized for being a head-case, and we began to discuss our plans for the evening.
That being said, I did want to be with him. He was great in bed, and it had been some time since I last had sex. I texted him to see what he was up to. “Busy tonight?” I texted. He was still in class, but he had plans to come to Hoboken later that evening. I told him, “So I take it you met someone else…” He adamantly denied meeting someone else and told me he would possibly be able to swing by after class. “Maybe I can sneak out. I really want to see you,”he added. We continued to talk over text trying to make plans to see each other. I didn’t really fit into his plans that evening, but he was making an effort. He got me horny, and I sent him some of my sexier pictures. He responded, “No, no. Don’t do this to me! I’m in class, and I’m wearing tight pants!” I laughed at the thought and continued to send more pictures.
Eventually, he had to bail on coming to see me before going out with his friends in Hoboken. I had been sitting on the couch waiting for him and was quite disappointed. “I hate disappointing you,” he shot back. I simply sent him another sexy picture. He told me he would sneak away from his friends and come see me at some point. When 9:30 rolled around, I sent him a text telling him to have a fun night. Around 11:00, I texted him again. “Wish I didn’t get my hopes up, ” I added for dramatic effect. He apologized, but I was already quite disappointed and ready to move on from him.
He texted the following day to let me know he was using my picture to pleasure himself. I didn’t respond. He told me he would swing by the previous night, and he didn’t deliver. I sat at home alone on the couch in hopes he’d come, and he never did. I was angry with myself for getting so caught up in him. I decided I needed to move on from him. My roster was now cut down to one single possibility.
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 18, 2012
Before my trip to Washington DC, I started chatting with a few guys on Grindr. It was bad timing for the trip to come right after “meeting” them, but it would have to do. On my way back home, I made plans with a few guys over text for dates to get to know them.
One of the guys I was talking to was a bit older. He seemed like a great guy, and he was very interested in me. Of all the guys I started talking to, he texted the most. He seemed sweet, caring and attentive. While away, he asked how the blossoms were. He genuinely took an interest in me. He was texting me like a high school girl. I wasn’t annoyed. I was flattered. We made plans to grab a drink Wednesday evening after work.
Since Southern Drawl didn’t want to go to The Breslin, I proposed he and I meet there for a drink. It wasn’t far from my office, and it was pretty centrally located in Manhattan. We set a time, and I stayed at the office to kill time until he could make it there.
He ended up arriving early, and he texted me to let me know. I quickly left my office and speed-walked the ten blocks to the bar to meet him.
I wasn’t sure what I’d be meeting that night. From his picture, he looked like a very mature man. He had white hair, and he told me he was possibly getting a haircut before we met. I encouraged him to keep his longer hair since I liked it, but it was his hair. I didn’t know which hairstyle I’d be meeting.
I walked in to find him standing leaning against the wall. It wasn’t too difficult to pick him out of the crowd, however, he looked much older than I originally expected. I invited him to follow me to the bar and ordered us drinks. I managed to snag two bar stools just as someone was getting up to walk away.
We dove right into conversation about work. We both worked in advertising at one point, so we discussed that for a while. The more we talked, the more relaxed the conversation became. I didn’t see this conversation growing into a relationship, but he was a really nice guy. There was no reason why I couldn’t share a few rounds with a nice guy. I really didn’t think we were compatible.
Somehow we got into philosophical conversation talking about life in general. He really liked my outlook on life. I wasn’t putting on a show or anything. I was just being myself. He really responded well to this.
During our conversation, he came clean on his age and informed me he was 36. That’s how old Smiles was, so it wasn’t the issue for me. He did, however, look more like he was 42. I wasn’t sure if I believed him about his age. I wondered if he was lowballing it.
We started talking about family and his family house in the Hamptons. We got on the topic of coming out, and I told him how fresh I was to the gay world. He responded well to this and told me he was new himself. He came out to a few of his high school friends, and apparently it didn’t go well. For them, it became a problem of an identity crisis. They didn’t know who he was anymore. I told him how positive my experience was coming out and conveyed my sympathy about his experience. He also told me his family didn’t know either. It appeared I was more gay mature than he was. This was a first. This was a 36 year-old man who was still living in the closet. I didn’t think I could handle that. If he couldn’t accept himself by that age, the road was only going to get rockier as we went along.
After three rounds, the time came to go home. He expressed his desire to go on a second date, and I let on that this was a possibility. I didn’t want to lead him on and seem overly zealous about it, but I didn’t want to break his spirit. We walked to the corner and said goodbye with a hug. We exchanged a few texts after that, but obviously nothing ever materialized.
It wasn’t that late, so I decided to text M.E. and see if he wanted to come over. He did, and when he arrived at my apartment, we immediately went to the bedroom. Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. We stripped each other naked and got right down to things. There was a bit of foreplay and a lot of making out before I reached for the condoms and lube. Since being with him, I had unprotected sex with someone else. I needed to keep his safety in mind. While in DC, my results came back with no STDs and HIV negative, but I didn’t want to take any chances. We had amazing protected sex that night and fell asleep in a spooning position.
When we woke in the morning, we fooled around until we hopped in the shower. There, we had sex once again. I’m always horny in the morning, so this was even better than the night before. When we finished showering, we went back to the bed and had sex there. At one point, I even turned over and let him penetrate me. I felt I owed it to him. He was incredibly excited about it. This didn’t last long because, as he told me, he had a hard time keeping an erection after he’d been penetrated. I was okay with this, being as it’d been a long time since I bottomed.
We laid with each other, and I tried to finish myself off but to no avail. I had a dentist appointment to get to that morning, so I could no longer dawdle. I was already late the way it was. This was going to be a rough day. How was I ever going to concentrate on anything!?
M.E. gave me a ride to the dentist, and I gave him a kiss goodbye.
Follow @onegayatatimeRevisiting the Past
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 15, 2012
Relationships aren’t easy. No matter whether you’re friends or lovers, each relationship is accompanied by its own set of issues. When you introduce sex into these relationships, things get exponentially more complicated.
Tuesday, I engaged in unprotected sex with M.E. It happened in the middle of the night in the passion of a moment, however, there is never an excuse. People’s lives are at stake. I tell you about the poor decisions and the mistakes I’ve made because I hope you can learn from them.
From that morning on, I was on damage control. I’d already talked to him about what transpired between us, and we agreed to get tested and share our results to ensure we were safe going forward. I called a doctor’s office and made an appointment that Wednesday following work to have an STD test.
As I walked into the doctor’s office, I noticed a few other men sitting in the waiting room. I had never been to this facility before. I was curious if they were there for the same thing I was. I began to wonder what was going through their heads. Were they petrified? Were they already infected? etc. I myself began to worry a little. I wasn’t particularly worried until I walked into the waiting room. There was nothing I could do at that point, so I tried to calm my nerves. The only good part about this was it made me quite ready to fill a cup with my urine sample. They also drew blood and told me to call in three days for my results.
Now, it was the waiting game. I couldn’t do anything and would have to wonder for three days.
That night, I had plans with P to go see Silence, The Musical. After my tests, I walked all the way downtown to meet her for dinner near the theater. Dinner was very nice. I got her caught up on all the latest action in my life. She’s always incredibly supportive, even when I make poor life choices.
We went to the show, and about two minutes in, I noticed how attractive one of the male actor/dancers was. It was a small theater, and any time he was on stage, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. When they came out for curtain call, he caught my eye, and we made eye contact. There was a bit of an awkward moment, but I was crushing a bit.
I wasn’t intimidated because I’d already dated someone who worked on Broadway. This was Off-Broadway. I didn’t think twice about what I was about to do. That night, when I got home, I decided to do some research (and when I say research, I mean stalking). I pulled out the Playbill and looked to see if I could find him on Facebook. Much to my surprise, he was on there. I decided to message him. What the hell, why not? What did I have to lose?
I’m sure you’re wondering who this is, and I really hope this doesn’t come off incredibly creepy. I myself can’t believe I’m about to send you this. (And, something tells me I may not be the first).
First off, I came to see Silence tonight and thought you were incredibly cute and incredibly talented. Your mother must be so proud.
Second off, I have no idea if you’re single or even gay. But gay or straight, single or taken, I’d love to strike up a conversation with you. On the flip side, I fully understand if this makes you uncomfortable.
Anyway, with nothing to lose but a little dignity, I thought I’d give it a shot. Hit me back if you’re interested in chatting some time. If not, enjoy the flattery…
Then, I noticed he was a friend of Broadway, the guy I dated for ten months. I pulled out my phone and texted him to see what their relationship was. His response was, “Who is that?” I explained who he was and how they were Facebook friends. “Oh yes. We audition together. HOT!! You dating?” I told him, “No. I just cold called him on Facebook after seeing his show… LOL. We’ll see what happens. Think I creeped him out?” He felt I did creep him out, but I explained how I had nothing to lose.
Sadly, I never heard back from him. It just wasn’t meant to be.
Much later that night, I received a text from the guy I had sex with when I cheated on N. We’d been texting a bit recently after noticing each other on Grindr. He asked if I was up. I replied, and he asked if he could come over. Apparently, I was getting a booty call. It was about 11:30, but I didn’t see the harm. After all, I did fantasize about the first time we had sex quite often. It was something my mind went back to many times. This isn’t because of the cheating. It was simply because the sex was that good.
He came over, and I could tell he’d been drinking a bit. He immediately commented on how crazy it was that my new apartment looked exactly like my last. He began taking his shoes off before hopping on the bed with me. He immediately began making out with me interspersed with conversation. He never got closure with how messed up things ended between him, N and myself.
He wanted to talk a lot about him. I would have been fine if N never even came up in conversation. I learned they got together once after I told him to take a hike. It was hysterical how much their accounts of this encounter were completely different. The only commonality was how much disdain they had for each other. At one point he mentioned how dirty N was. I asked him to clarify as in physically or as in naughty. He then went on to describe a particular body part that would only have been encountered during sex and how disgusting it was. He then went on to tell me they never had sex. He told me N just gave him a blowjob and he finished on his face. He pointed out his surprise I ever dated N. N’s account of the story was they met on the street. After seeing him, he couldn’t believe I would hook up with someone so ugly, let alone cheat on him with someone of that caliber. All I could do was laugh my a$$ off in my head. These two were ridiculous. I was so happy I cut things off with both when I did.
After the N conversation concluded, he really wanted to have sex with me. He mentioned how amazing it was the last time we hooked up, and he told me he hadn’t had sex with a man since the previous summer. I told him how hot it was last time we hooked up and how I referred back to it many times in my mind. With that, the clothes began to strip off.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. We were intertwined in each other’s embrace making out. I found myself lying on my stomach with him on top of me. I knew he would try to penetrate me, but I wasn’t game for that. The last time he did that, I sprang from the bed because he did it with no preparation and full force. I wasn’t about to let that happen again. He tried and tried, and I never relaxed to allow entry. I think he got embarrassed with his fumbling, and he made a comment. I complimented him and told him he was too large for me. We switched positions, much to his chagrin, and now I was the one on top. He was on his back, and I put his legs up on my shoulders.
He told me how much he enjoyed me inside him because I hit his prostrate just right. With that, I slipped inside him. It felt amazing. It was just as good as the last time I played over and over again in my mind’s eye. He loved it too. After a short while, he finished on his abdomen. Seconds later, I alerted him I was about to finish. He replied, “I want you to shoot inside me,” and I did. For me, this was a first, and it felt incredible.
I’m not sure why, but I had no problem finishing this time. It completely came naturally and without over thought. I felt amazing and incapacitated all in one. We lay there next to each other speechless for a minute before even moving or talking. We were in euphoria.
When that wore off, I became the topic of conversation. N told him about the blog when everything went down. He told me he read part of it and still didn’t understand why I wrote it. He also asked this story not make an appearance, but I find it too important to exclude. He pointed out I was looking for a boyfriend, and that was not what he was looking for at all. He pointed out how I was going about things all the wrong way if I wanted to find love. I explained to him all my trials and tribulations and what I was looking for in the end. He fully understood.
Then he made a comment about how stupid we were to not use a condom. I agreed. I’m sure he was far more worried about the situation than I was since I finished inside him. Apparently, with everything I’ve been through, I still didn’t learn my lesson. I wasn’t being responsible.
This was my wake-up call. I’d hit rock bottom. I’d gotten so reckless with my life. I needed to stop before I did something that could end my life. What was I doing? How could I be this stupid? This wasn’t how to find love — Having unprotected sex with the guy I cheated on my ex with. No more excuses. No more Grindr hookups. No more strangers. If I wasn’t finding love, I would be single and celibate for some time until I got myself under control. This was my turning point.
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 14, 2012
Things with Middle Eastern certainly weren’t leaving us holding hands skipping down the beach. I really liked him, but I never really saw the potential for a strong relationship with him. I would like to think I wasn’t leading him on. I would like to think he was well aware we were casual and enjoying each other’s company. But, who could be sure what’s going through someone else’s head?
I invited him to come over for dinner Tuesday night after work. A part of me was horny, and he is really great in bed. Another part of me wanted his companionship — Just someone to watch TV with and cuddle. He was in class and would come by a little later. This worked out because it would allow me time to make us food.
When he arrived, we immediately went into my bedroom and fooled around. We didn’t have sex, but there was a lot of kissing and groping and cuddling. He told me about his day, and I got him caught up on what was going on in my life since I’d last seen him. When we had our fill, I tossed him a pair of my shorts to put on, and we made our way back out to the living room to eat and watch TV. I learned he’d already eaten, and I made a plate for myself, and we sat on the couch watching TV.
When my roommates made their way to bed, and it was getting later, I turned off the TV and led M.E. to my bedroom. We hopped into bed and watched some more TV before we were no longer watching because other desires took over. Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. The kissing and heavy petting led to stronger desires. I grabbed a condom and lube, and we went at it. It was extra passionate this time, We were thoroughly enjoying each other. We went through many permutations of positions. Every one was better than the last. His body felt amazing, and he seemed to really be enjoying it.
I was disappointed he never finished with me, but I fully understood. I’m not quite sure he did. “I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like I have a full-body experience, but I never cum,” he expressed. I told him I knew exactly what he meant. I never brought it up myself, because I knew that was the exact opposite of a solution. In all the times I’d been with him, he never finished. He told me it was nearly impossible for him to accomplish after I penetrated him. We both went to bed that night without finishing. The sex was so great I didn’t feel the need to finish myself off. I was also hoping for some morning nookie, so I knew I would be hornier if I left it til the morning.
In the middle of the night, he did something that woke me up. I glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly four am. He began grinding against me and grabbing hold of my member. He was massaging his backside with it. When I woke, I began to engage in this activity as well. I was grinding on him until all of a sudden I found myself inside him. It was pure bliss. We both enjoyed this in the spooning position for some time before finally withdrawing and going back to sleep.
In the morning, we woke to the sound of my alarm. I had to go to work. He didn’t have any obligations that morning. As I predicted, I woke up hornier than ever. The middle of the night sex had my engine revving extra hard. We engaged in a lot of foreplay. I started orally pleasuring his backside before climbing on top of him and penetrating him once again.
This time, I did not reach for the condom. I know this isn’t the smartest. I let passion get the better of me. In the back of my mind, I trusted him. I didn’t think he was having sex with anyone else. I also know I’d done a lot to make sure I was protected with all the sex I’d recently engaged in. I had no signs of an STD and no reason to believe I contracted HIV.
We let out synchronic moans of pleasure. It felt amazing. We had lots of sex before he needed to take a break. He caught his breath as we exchanged how much we enjoyed sex together. When he was good again. He laid on his back while I lifted his legs up on my shoulders. I enjoyed looking into his eyes and kissing him while we had sex. He was pretty amazing in bed, and I loved his passion. We stopped when he needed a break again.
I didn’t want to be late, but I still wanted to continue the fun. We hopped in the shower and bathed every inch of each other’s bodies. I was still incredibly horny, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate at work if I didn’t finish. I tossed him down on my bed and pulled his towel off. We got right back into it for a bit before I withdrew and finished myself off. He was thrilled. He really enjoyed all of it, but I could see there was something else going on there. I knew we didn’t discuss the lack of protection, and it needed to be brought up. I was in a rush to get to the PATH to go to work, so I made a mental note to call him later to discuss.
He gave me a ride to the PATH, and I kissed him goodbye. When I got to the other side of the river, I’d received a text from him expressing his concern. He wasn’t worried, but he just wanted to discuss it. I explained to him I too had been meaning to bring it up, and I’m glad he did. I told him I’d always used protection with anyone else I’d been with, and he needn’t worry. I told him I trusted him, and after it happened in the middle of the night, I let my guard down about it in the morning. I told him I was going to get tested in the next few days so both of us could be certain he had nothing to worry about, and he told me he planned to go as well. He told me the last time he had been tested, and I told him mine. I had a strong feeling I had nothing to worry about with him, so scheduling a test felt more routine than anything. He’s a bit younger, so I’m sure he was worrying a bit more. I wanted to be sure to get results as soon as possible so I could give him peace of mind.
He was a good kid, and I really enjoyed being with him. I never wanted to do anything to hurt him. After we chatted over text, he told me he felt a lot better and wasn’t so worried. I apologized for putting him in that situation, and I told him we should discuss things after we both got our results back. I found it to be a very healthy conversation we probably should have had earlier, but I was happy we had it.
Letting Him Down Easy
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 7, 2012
Monday, I decided to be a good brother and pick my sister up from the airport. I drove her to Newark Airport early Friday morning before all of my Grindring, and she was arriving around 2:00.
Before I hopped in the car, I made plans with M.E. to meet up later that day. I wasn’t planning to tell him I knew about his Grindring from my bedroom. I was just going to keep that in mind when interacting with him. I wasn’t going to let myself fall for a guy like that. For us, it would be purely fun. He told me he had class that afternoon, but he would come meet me on the pier when he finished.
I was regretting agreeing to pick my sister up since it landed smack in the middle of my day. I wanted to head out to the pier and get some color while I was off from work. The forecast was looking gorgeous for the week, and I planned to take full advantage. I decided not to waste the morning and went for a run around 1:00. I came back to my apartment, showered and packed a bag for the pier. I hopped in the car and headed to the airport. My sister was delayed, so I spent about a half hour circling the grounds. When she finally touched down, I parked in front of her terminal and began reading my first Out magazine. I was becoming a full-on gay man. I finally subscribed to a clearly homosexual publication.
She came out, and I drove her back to Hoboken. We swung by the pier to drop be me off so I could get some sun, and she went home.
Around 3:30, M.E. joined me on the pier. We laid next to each other talking for a bit. I gently stroked his hand with mine. We weren’t being blatant or obvious, but we still found ways to show affection. It was a nice time. Around 4:30, the sun was beginning to set. The temperature was dropping, so I suggested we head back to my apartment. I wasn’t even thinking about this in terms of sex. I was just cold.
He gave me a ride back to my place and decided to come up for a bit. He couldn’t stay too long because he had plans for the evening. We ended up in my bedroom fooling around a bit. It was nice to have him in my bed again. Every time we were together, I enjoyed myself.
The time came for him to leave, and I said goodbye to him at the door with a kiss.
Over the next week, I didn’t really reach out to M.E., and he didn’t really hit me up either. When enough time had gone by, I assumed he met someone else. I was trying to get away from the relationships based on sex, so I wasn’t exactly protesting or questioning why his calls stopped.
One day I got a text from him asking me why we hadn’t been in touch in some time. I told him I assumed he met someone else. He assured me this wasn’t the case. He told me the reason he was so quiet was because he was trying to create distance. He was beginning to fall for me and didn’t want to get hurt. This is when I pointed out to him I knew he was on Grindr when he was at my apartment. I didn’t tell him how I knew this information. At first, he denied it and told me he was chatting with his friends about his spring break trip postponement. I acknowledged that, but also pointed out he was on Grindr while he was in my apartment. I told him how insulting that was to me. I pointed out how, by no means, were we exclusive, but to be on the app while sitting with me was not something I looked kindly upon. He apologized profusely. I told him I noticed he blocked me on Grindr as well. He told me the reason for this was because he saw me on there periodically, and it was killing him. He was imagining me with other guys, and it was getting to him so much he blocked me so he wouldn’t have to see it anymore. I told him I wasn’t holding anything against him, but it was shaping how I looked at whatever was going on between us.
He was completely torn up about it. I had a lot of other things going on in my life at the time, and I didn’t really feel like getting into it with him. I was partially using this as a way to make a clean break from him. I liked him and cared about him more than a one-night-stand. I considered him a friend who I also happened to enjoy in my bed. He was more friend than benefit. I didn’t want to hurt, but I also needed separation. There was too much going on in my life at the time. He begged me to talk on the phone, but I told him that would have to wait. I lied and told him I was with friends and didn’t want to be rude by taking a phone call.
I knew he wasn’t happy, and it wasn’t what he wanted. I needed to think about me for a change. I needed to put more effort into the men I was meeting and looking toward a long-term relationship with, rather than the men I just enjoyed having around for sex and a little companionship. It wasn’t fair to him, and it wasn’t what I needed. The time came to move on. How that would shape my relationship with M.E. was yet to be determined…
Follow @onegayatatimeTwo Hours
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 1, 2012
After coming to the realization Middle Eastern was not dating material, I began my search for a boyfriend once again. I thought I’d give him a second chance, and he proved to me he wasn’t worthy of that.
I went back to my matchmaker once again – Grindr. I was a little addicted. I found myself spending hours out of my day on the app. I was searching with great fervor. When I woke in the morning, the first thing I did was reach for my phone and fire up Grindr. The next thing I did was grab my tablet and fire up Grindr on that. It was even better on my tablet. The pictures were bigger, I could multitask with my phone, etc. I fully realized how much time I was spending searching for a man. I saw how much of my day was stolen from me. It was like a second job.
On a few occasions, I would strike up a conversation with a guy I thought worthy of my time. One such man lived nearby in Jersey City. We started chatting on Grindr, and I did what I always do. I asked him for his number so I could take things out of the Grindr app and start a conversation over text. I always asked for a picture from the start so I could keep the guys straight in my phone contact list. I kid you not when I tell you I have around 100 contacts from Grindr, Adam4adam.com, ManHunt and OKCupid. I had a system in place as well. Everyone’s name began with where I met them. I was cataloging these guys in theory. Some I never spoke to on the phone, let alone met them in person, but they were saved no less.
After getting this guy’s number, We texted about chatting on the phone some night. He picked up the phone and called me. This earned him a lot of brownie points in my book.
We started with the superficial things – Where we lived. He told me all about his building. I was quite familiar with it. I’d run past it on many occasions. This morphed into a discussion about where we grew up. He was fascinated to learn I grew up out in the country on a farm. Through texting, I’d already learned he was from Canada. I told him how surprised I was he didn’t have a Canadian accent. It popped up a few times, but quite infrequently for someone who grew up there.
I quickly learned he certainly fit the Canadian nice guy stereotype. Everything he said was sweet and polite.
I learned he was slightly older than me. This wasn’t an issue for either of us. I had always liked slightly older men, but I am always leery that older men aren’t thrilled with dating a younger man. I’m quite mature for my age, so I hope my personality can make up for the age gap.
We chatted about our jobs, and I learned he worked in the travel industry. He jetted around the country and internationally quite frequently. He even mentioned the possibility of taking someone like me with him on said trips. I wasn’t getting ahead of myself, but I did enjoy the idea of traveling with my boyfriend to far off locations. He detailed many of the perks, which I really enjoyed, but I didn’t want to let that cloud my perception of him. On the flip side, I told him one of my most embarrassing secrets. I told him I’d never left the country with the exception of Windsor Canada from Detroit. He told me it wasn’t a big deal, and he would help me remedy that issue.
Somehow we got on to the topic of dating and being single and previous lovers. He wasn’t very forthcoming with the information of his major heartbreak, but all it took was one question for him to tell me the overarching story. It seemed it was a sensitive subject, but he was willing to tell me the story. He was dating a man for seven years. This was before he was traveling for work. He was scheduled to go away for work, and at the last-minute, his trip was cancelled. He came home to their shared residence to find his boyfriend in their bed with another man. I expressed my grave sympathy. After seven years with someone he must have been crushed. My heart broke for him. He told me he simply told his boyfriend he needed to move out and that was the end of them.
I tried to lighten the mood and asked him what he likes to drink. Ironically, our lists shared a lot of the same drinks. It was uncanny how similar our pallets are. I learned he too is a fan of Malbec. We discussed how it would need to be present on our first date. I was happy we were on the topic of meeting for a date. He seemed like a great guy. Maybe he was the ship I was searching for in the storm.
I asked him what he was looking for, and he described his ideal situation. Amazingly, our perfect pictures lined up quite impressively. I was really excited to meet him. I only had one picture, and he appeared to be an attractive man. I was more excited to meet him to see how strong the chemistry would be. It was already pretty strong considering we spoke on the phone for two hours.
Only time would tell, and we made tentative plans to grab a drink or dinner in the near future.
Follow @onegayatatimeBack to School
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 30, 2012
With things gently crumbling between Chelsea and I, I decided to give Middle Eastern another chance. I enjoyed spending time with him, and he certainly was a nice kid. I wasn’t sure if I could see myself dating a guy still in college, but I figured it certainly couldn’t hurt to give it a shot.
Wednesday morning while I was on my run, I did a lot of thinking. I was trying to clear my head. I realized I wasn’t all that into Chelsea after all. There were a few things about him I liked, but there was nothing there that got me truly excited to see him again. I didn’t want to waste either of our time, so I decided it was best to tell him how I felt.
While at work Wednesday afternoon I thought about him a M.E. He was such a sweet guy, he was quite interested in me, he was smart… There were a lot of great qualities there. The big question — Is he mature enough for me. I’d never dated someone that much younger than me before. I wasn’t basing this on a number. I was basing it more on his personality.
The other side of the coin was how great he was in bed. I really enjoyed being with him the first time. I fantasized about he and I having sex in the locker room shower of my gym.
When I got home that evening, I told him to come over. He didn’t hesitate. He finished what he needed to do, and he made his way to Hoboken.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. When he arrived, we immediately went to my bedroom. He was hungry for sex. We quickly stripped each other until we were naked and enjoyed kissing, groping, sucking, etc. It was nice to be with a man who was so passionate once again. He loved to kiss and was good at it. I didn’t have a single complaint about him. After ample foreplay, we had sex. It appeared I created a bottom. He was all about it now, even begging for it this time. It was hot. I really like how masculine he was, but also how much he was willing to bottom for me. This was an unusual combination from my experience. [I actually had to walk away from the computer for a minute because I was thinking about the fun we had and getting a bit too excited while writing this].
Afterwards, I went into the bathroom to relieve myself. I came back to my bedroom to find M.E. on his phone. He was doing a lot of typing. I encouraged him to come to the living room with me to watch TV and be somewhat social with my roommates, but he told me he’d be out in a minute. He had a few messages he needed to reply to.
Since I last saw him, he sprained his ankle. I’d been giving him some advice, having sprained both mine multiple times and being related to a physical therapist and someone who teaches athletic training. As a result of this sprain, he wasn’t able to go on his planned spring break. He told me he was working out the logistics of rescheduling the trip for another time.
I left the room and went to the living room. I’m not 100% sure why this idea popped in my head, but I wondered if he might be on Grindr. I had my phone and tablet with me, so I pulled up the app and checked it out. He didn’t show up on either. Maybe he wasn’t on there, but my suspicions weren’t fully satisfied. When about ten minutes passed, I went back to the room to see if he was coming. He put some of my clothes on and joined me. We watched another episode of Modern Family together.
While he watched, he sat behind me in the chair, and I laid between his legs watching the show. We both laughed a lot. By the time the show was over, it was late. I suggested we go to bed, and he agreed. I asked him what he’d told his roommates about where he was going. He told them he was heading home for the night.
While he was brushing his teeth, he left his phone on my night stand. My mind shot back to the chance I had to look at N‘s phone the night I witnessed him kissing another man in front of me. Boston convinced me it was a bad idea. I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. I had no problem if he was using Grindr. We were not exclusive. I was seeing other people. I just found it incredibly offensive if he was cruising Grindr from the comfort of my apartment. That was not okay in my book. I needed to know. I turned his iPhone on, and sure enough, at the top of the screen was an icon for Grindr showing he had 23 messages. I placed the phone back down on the night stand and processed what I just learned. Not only did he have messages, but he blocked me on both my accounts so I couldn’t see that he was cruising Grindr.
It was that exact moment I decided M.E. and I wouldn’t date after all. It was fine if we spent time together and enjoyed having sex, but I wasn’t going to date him long-term. I couldn’t trust him. I wasn’t mad he may be seeing other guys or even having sex with them. I was mad he was attempting to line up other guys from my bedroom. I decided not to say anything right then and there. It would simply form my future behavior.
He came back to the bedroom, and we both climbed into bed. I wrapped my arms around him and he climbed into the natural crevice I created as big spoon until we dozed off.
When we woke in the morning, we fooled around a bit. I had to go to work, but I made sure to set an extra early alarm to allow for a little fun in the bed followed by a shower with each other. It was sexy and a nice way to start my day.
We left together, and he gave me a ride to the PATH. Since he told me last time he wished I kissed him when he dropped me off, I decided to oblige that request. I gave him a nice smooch before heading into the city to start my workday. I liked M.E., but not enough to make him my boyfriend — Not after what I learned. But, it would be nice to have someone around regularly to share affection and pleasure with on occasion. Maybe this was the start of a beautiful friendship…
Follow @onegayatatimeStood Up Twice But Third Time’s a Charm
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 13, 2012
So much for getting things out of my system while in California. I was supposed to find myself while I was out there. I was supposed to calm down with the hookups. If anything, it had a converse reaction. Maybe it jump-started my libido. Since I arrived home, I had one meaningless one-night stand/hookup, and hooked up with a guy I could possibly considering seeing again. What was I, in college?
Wednesday at work, I was back to my old habits. I was all over Grindr searching for guys to go on dates with. The problem was none of them were looking for dates, so I decided to fill the time between dates with more hookups.
I hit up one of the guys in my favorite list, but he was really just interested in sex. We tried to make plans to meet up, but were having a hard time finding a location. He proposed an adult video store booth, but as you can imagine, I wasn’t onboard. He also wanted to go bareback, but I’d learned my lesson with that. No more taking those kinds of chances. When I tried to make more realistic plans, he flaked.
I started talking to one guy who was really hot. He wanted to hookup badly, but he needed time. He needed to prepare, which I can heavily respect, but he was also visiting. He needed to go out and get supplies to perform said preparation and needed to find poppers. It was pushing 6:00, and I wasn’t going to hang around the city any longer. He ended bailing on me, so I made my way home alone.
Two guys flaked on me; however, talking to them got me riled up. My libido was hungry. When did I become such a horn ball. After 25 years of basically no sex, you think I’d be fine going home with just my right hand.
I had an ace in the hole though. I texted the Middle Eastern guy from the pervious night and asked if he wanted to come over again. I don’t think I lifted my finger off the send button before I got a response back. He was certainly interested, but had to come over later after class. He wouldn’t arrive until around 10. That was fine. I figured out other things to do with my time, like eat dinner.
When he arrived, we went straight to my room, but I’m sure, much to your surprise, we didn’t immediately jump in the sack. We kissed for a bit, but then we simply laid next to each other cuddling while we watched Modern Family. We are both big fans!
Every time there was a commercial, he took the opportunity to kiss me passionately. There were no complaints from me. He was a great kisser. He had perfect lips and knew what he was doing. We also took the time to chat a bit. I wanted to get to know him a little. He lived with a bunch of guys in an apartment and even shared a room with a guy. None of them knew he was gay, and he recently broke up with a girl. He told me he’d been on a handful of Grindr meet-ups, but none were anything like what we shared. He told me how much he enjoyed the previous night and how much he thought about me all day long. It was very flattering, and a little alarming. This kid was falling for me — and fast. I needed to make sure things didn’t get out of control because I didn’t want to hurt him.
I couldn’t tell him what I was looking for because I didn’t know what I was looking for. I really wanted to find a boyfriend, but I wasn’t sure he fit the bill. This was new territory. I’d never dated anyone so much younger than me, let alone still in college. He was a really nice guy, and I could tell his friends loved him, but I was still conflicted. He was very mature, but nonetheless, he was still in school.
When the show was over, the making out led to heavy petting. Things escalated, and I invited him to spend the night. While naked, he walked to the bathroom to take out his contacts. I watched him from the bed, staring longingly at his body. I told him how hot I thought he was. He really riled me up. I loved the innocent confidence he exuded. It was incredibly sexy.
He told me he wanted to go to bed horny so we could wake in the morning and have some real fun. It was late, and I was tired, so I didn’t oppose. With that, he rolled into little spoon position, and I pressed my naked body against his in big spoon position. It felt so comfortable. It felt so right.
In the morning we both woke to the sound of my alarm — strategically set early to allow for time to play. We were both in a very frisky and playful mood. He certainly wasn’t shy about kissing. He loved it and did it often.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. While we embraced each other, he whispered in my ear how he wanted to ride me. I certainly was in no position to deny him this privilege. I was looking forward to it. I was shocked, him being so new, how much he was gung-ho about bottoming. I think he discovered he’s really a bottom. He hopped on, and it felt great. He came really close to finishing, but never did. I knew exactly what was happening, so I didn’t put any pressure on him or comment on it. That would only bring it to top of mind and make it worse.
He had to stop. He wanted to keep going, but told me he was sore. He informed me that I was a big guy. I’d never really thought of myself as big. I always thought of myself as average. But, as of late, I was informed otherwise. (This is not something that is important to me, but it is quite the ego boost to hear).
We laid next to each other once again pleasuring ourselves while he laid in the crook of my arm. I finished after a few minutes. I was happy things were turning around for me. It wasn’t taking a long time for me anymore. I was far from a one-minute man, but my mental block was easing. This wasn’t the case for Middle Eastern (will be called M.E. from now on). He never finished, but also never complained. He noted, “I can never [finish] after you’re inside me. I can’t explain it. It feels amazing, like a full body orgasm, but I just never shoot.” I knew exactly what he meant. I told him it’s just part of sex sometimes. I wanted to ease his mind.
With that, we both hopped in the shower, and I took the opportunity to wash him from head to toe with a bar of soap and my hands. It was really sexy and slightly romantic. We both enjoyed it. Then he did the same to me. It felt great!
While I get ready in front of the mirror, he noted its existence. He complimented me on what I was wearing to work. He really was charming and sexy. I was really starting to like this kid. I just worried we wouldn’t be able to have a real relationship. He was in the closet and in college. He told me he wasn’t hiding it anymore, but he was advertising it. I understood, but I just wasn’t sure if it was for me
Follow @onegayatatimeHalf Day Fun
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 12, 2012
Monday at work, I received a email from UPS notifying me a delivery attempt was made. When I arrived home Monday night, I had a notice on my door from UPS. They’d been there earlier in the day and attempted to deliver the leather chair I ordered. No one was home, but luckily the driver gave me his cellphone number so I could call him when I got home. I called him, and he delivered my chair around 7:30 at night. (I love my UPS man!)
I’d already informed work I’d be taking a half-day to accept the chair, so I kept those plans. It would allow me to take care of a few things after my emotional trip to LA.
Since I didn’t have to get up early Tuesday morning for work, I decided to reach out to a guy I’d been chatting with for quite some time on Grindr. I was very apprehensive because he was so young. He is 22 and is still in college. I told him straight up my hang-up with his age. That being said, I still agreed to meet him, but I explained it wasn’t an ideal situation.
When we first talked on Grindr, he was looking mainly for a hookup. He had an amazing body, but I was making an effort to calm down with the hookups. I told him I was looking for something more substantial. He was very interested in this response, but he already showed his cards. I knew he was there more for sex. We agreed to meet up for a drink sometime, and I went to bed.
Tuesday morning, I let my hormones get the better of me. I woke up horny as usual, and I found him on Grindr once again. I asked him if he wanted to come over. The conversation quickly morphed into sexual territory.
We both talked about a few fantasies, and I quickly learned he had an adventurous side. I was very turned on, so I told him to come over. He explained he needed to shower but would be up for coming over. I too showered in anticipation of his arrival.
While we talked about our fantasies, we discussed a little fun when he arrived. I told him how hot it would be if he undressed in the hallway before entering my apartment while I watched through the peek hole. He was more than enthusiastic about this and agreed.
When he arrived at my apartment, I buzzed him in. He came to the door and did exactly as we discussed. I was so incredibly turned on watching from the other side of the door. When he was left in his boxer briefs, he knocked. I let him in and led him to my room. We chatted very short bit before we started making out. He stripped me down to my boxers as well, and we embraced each other while we made out on the bed.
He had a great body — Plenty of muscles and lots of definition. He had the cutest smile as well! Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. This escalated, and the boxers ended up on the floor. I couldn’t keep my hands off him. He was the best looking guy I’d been with in a long time. He was also one of the best kissers I’d been with since I can remember.
Before he came over, we chatted about positions. He told me he usually was a top, but he wanted to bottom for me. He told me he had little experience in the area, but wanted to try it out with me. As things escalated, I whispered in his ear my desires and asked him if I should get a condom and lube. He enthusiastically said yes.
I made sure to take things VERY slow. I was treating him as if he was a virgin — Not my first. It took a little time, but after a short bit, he was very much enjoying himself. I could see waves of goose bumps flowing over his body. It was incredibly sexy. I’d finally found a match for passion in the bedroom. He had the right mix of intimacy and sex, and I was thoroughly enjoying myself.
It became necessary to take a break so he could catch his breath. We talked while he relaxed, mixed in with some more passionate kissing. After some time, we made our way to the edge of the bed and tried a new position, which we both thoroughly enjoyed. It’d been a long time since I was with a man in which I felt our bodies become truly one.
When he had his fill and couldn’t take anymore, we laid next to each other and pleasured ourselves. For once, it didn’t take me too long before I finished. He made a comment about being impressed, but was unable to finish himself. I immediately pegged him as someone who had the same problem I did.
We laid there for some time cuddling. I took a lot of time to take in his smile. It lit up his entire face. He was very cute. He is of a Middle-Eastern decent, which I would never say is my type, but I was really attracted to him.
This guy was one of the few who would be a repeat offender. He too expressed his desire to see each other again as we both got dressed. I was still incredibly turned on watching him stand naked in my room while he put on his clothes. I wasn’t just attracted to him sexually. I could tell he was a special guy. I was attracted to him on an emotional level as well. I just worried about our compatibility. I’ve been out in the workforce for nearly six years now. He still hadn’t even graduated college. I’m not one to discriminate based on age, but I do discriminate on life stage. This would either be a guy who expanded my horizon, or proved my rationale — Only time would tell…
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 