I spent the majority of my day and a good portion of my night celebrating the marriage of two of my best friends, J and his new bride. It was a beautiful ceremony and the reception was off the hook. After a chat with the mother of the groom, the music ended, and the time came for us all to make our way home.
Originally, I reserved a room because I thought the bridal party would be staying in the same hotel and there would be post-reception festivities. I was worried about my roommate or I driving home drunk, even though it was only a twenty-minute drive. After talking to the groom, I learned that wasn’t the case, but I was also confused what their plans were in general. I thought maybe we could grab breakfast with them before heading home in the morning. On top of this, I already paid for the room, so I figured we’d crash at the hotel. While my roommate drove, I called CK to see how his night was going. The response came as quite a shock.
In our conversation, I learned he would not be going to the circuit party, Allegria. I was not expecting this at all! A small part of me felt really bad because I knew how excited he was to go, but I have to admit, my heart fluttered for joy. I felt a huge weight lift off me. I was petrified of the result of that night, and now all that worry was gone.

When I inquired as to the reason he was forgoing the circuit party, he cited the fact that I wouldn’t be there. He told me if I was going with him, he’d still go, but it would be no fun without me. I wondered then and there what his original intentions were. Did my statement of “behave” make him change his priorities? Was he originally giving himself a free pass for the night since I wouldn’t be there? We had only been dating two months.
I didn’t know this at the time, but I later learned he would have been going with a guy he used to hook up with regularly — Someone who had actually come up in conversation between us in the past. When CK and I were discussing our relationship status a few weeks in, he was the other guy CK was “seeing” since the new year. He was the guy CK detailed in our conversation in the Sonic parking lot, noting they would see each other about once a month, which I could only assume meant hooking up as well. Had I known that, I would not have been okay from the start. Granted we’d moved past the conversation. We were exclusive. But, that message may not ring loud and clear with this other guy. He might try to seduce CK, and the temptation may have been too much to fight.
More importantly than all this, he decided not to go in the end. Regardless of what he was planning to do or what was possible, he chose me. That’s all that matters. He chose me. He put his own desires aside in order to ensure our relationship would survive. This was a huge moment for me. The other guy was irrelevant. My man cared more about my state of mind and the state of our relationship than he did about going to a party he’d been looking forward to for weeks.
We talked a bit at length about his decision. “Baby, you mean so much more to me than this. My priorities have changed since I originally decided to go,” he added. I could tell he was really disappointed, but his act of love made me the happiest man on Earth! I was so touched.
In the middle of this conversation, we pulled up to the hotel. It was a DUMP! I couldn’t believe this was the suggested hotel. Now I know why the room was $97 for the night, but still. We walked into the lobby to find no one there. As I looked to the left, I noticed the reception desk behind the bullet-proof glass. There were a few people milling about the lobby, but no one who actually worked there. I told CK to hold on a second while I processed the scene, turned to my roommate as we made horrified faces at each other, and we walked right back out the door. At this, I returned to my call with CK and told him what just happened. I told him we’d be driving home, especially since my roommate was sober. She didn’t really want to stay at the hotel from the start, so she already cut off her drinking earlier.
As we drove back to Hoboken, I had the great idea to tell CK to come spend the night at my place. If he got ready quickly, we’d arrive in Hoboken at the same time. We’d be able to pick him up at the PATH and give him a ride to my apartment. He told me he needed to gather some things and shower before he came over, so he would just meet me at my apartment.
When the buzzer rang, I jumped for joy. I was so excited to see him. I had a great night at the wedding, and after receiving the relieving news he wasn’t going to the circuit party, I was purely elated. I greeted him at the door with the biggest kiss and strongest hug I could possibly muster. I made him some food and we snuggled up on the couch to watch a few episodes of Game of Thrones until we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Before this night, I certainly knew I found a keeper, but after his decision, I realized I may have found a for lifer. I had never dated someone who would make a sacrifice like that for me. I truly felt what it was to be loved. I don’t think CK realizes how much that gesture meant to me, and I’m not sure he ever will. But, I will certainly continue to show my appreciation by giving him my undying love every day.
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Over the course of time, I began talking to a guy who’d been in and out of my life for almost a year. I think I started talking to him on Grindr first. We then found each other on adam4adam.com. Finally, we became Facebook friends.

You would think with all this contact, we’d be best friends or lovers by now, but that wasn’t the case. Whenever I was between guys I was dating, I would once again hit him up. He was very attractive and seemed to have a very level head on his shoulders. I really wanted to get to know him better, but I got the feeling I was going to have to pursue this one. I wasn’t going to win him over overnight.
For some reason, this time around was a little different. He was much more receptive to my advances. When the conversation would die down, I would prod him about losing interest. He would deny it and pay a lot of attention to me. He was constantly asking for me to send him pictures of myself and sending me compliments. It was nice to have a man tell me I was attractive.
We spent many evenings chatting on a4a and Facebook. I got to know a lot about his sexual side through those conversations. They would start innocently enough about our typical lives and somehow they’d always segue into our sex lives/desires. I was okay with this because I wanted a good man with a healthy sexual appetite. This was something I’d come to learn as of late. I needed to stop sacrificing good sex for a decent guy. I needed both.
I was also trying to juggle him in with the other guys on my roster. It is always such a challenge to get gay men to commit to anything. They never seem to want to be locked down to anything. I would schedule a date, and sure enough they’d always cancel or postpone. I was really getting tired of flakes running my social life. When my Friday night date cancelled, I tried to see if he was free for a drink.
I wasn’t able to meet him when he was free. He already had plans to go to Sugarland, a gay club in Brooklyn with a friend. He reported to me about his night with texts and pictures. Apparently he wasn’t having the best time and told me it was “Indian night.” Not his cup of tea. Since we couldn’t meet on Friday, we agreed to try for Saturday night.
It was going to be tough however. I was supposed to be attending my sister’s birthday gathering at a local bar. He had plans to go into the city. We agreed to try to meet up later, but who knew if that would come to fruition. He said, “I may head into the city, but we’ll both probably be out late… Let’s keep in touch and see where we are at later.” Of course, we’d never find each other that night. He still insists he sent me text messages to meet up, but I never received them.
Instead, when I got home, I texted my new “friend with benefits” to come by. I even volunteered to let him spend the night so he wouldn’t have to walk in the cold. He agreed and came by.
We had a great night together. He was really a passionate lover. It’s too bad he was so old. Instead, we’d simply just take care of each other’s physical needs.
At 6am, we woke and fooled around some more. Again, we never had sex because we are both tops, but he did mention the possibly of bottoming for me in the future.
At 8:30, he left to go home to get ready for church. I stayed in my bed and went back to sleep.
When I woke up later, I told him and my new southern friend about my upcoming work trip and how I really wanted to meet them before I went away. The southerner had to pass because he was helping move a good friend into her apartment. We agreed to grab dinner Monday, Martin Luther King Day in the evening. Hopefully this date would finally come to fruition…
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