Posts Tagged California King

Separate Battle Camps

After spending a nice night at CK‘s apartment, I had a very hard time waking up the following morning. CK was fully motivated and had to be at work early, so he persisted in waking me up. This was quite the role reversal, as I was often the one dragging him out of bed (sometimes physically). I just wanted to spend the entire day in his bed wrapped up in his arms. Going to work was the last thing I wanted to do.

Social-media_zpsecb53ca4Things were improving on that front. I was making a lot of headway with my social media endeavors, and I had two interns to help me with this massive roll-out. I was developing a presence on Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, WordPress, Instagram and SlideShare while revamping our presence on YouTube and Twitter. That being said, I still wanted to stay in bed all day.

CK finally motivated me to get out of bed and into the shower. I always enjoyed showering together, and today was no different. As I slowly emerged from my slumber under the warm jets of water, I began to fully appreciate CK’s body. I pressed it against mine while my soapy hands explored all his crevices. Being a water conservationist certainly had its benefits. I think CK was starting to regret waking me once he realized I couldn’t keep my hands off him. I was awake, and I was horny. I tried to get some action, but CK was on a mission to get ready for work. I needed a release. There was no way I was going to be able to concentrate the entire day at work.

SheetBonerI laid down on the bed and began to take care of myself. CK immediately noticed and inquired what I was doing. I explained my situation, so he decided to pitch in on the effort. While I manually stimulated my member, he got to work on my prostate. Turned out, my libido was contagious, as CK began to pleasure himself as well. After a few minutes, I climaxed, only to be followed close behind by CK. Now, we could finally go about our day. I felt like I was awake, and I finally had a clear head (literally and figuratively). Nothing quite motivates you like a good morning orgasm.

We finished getting ready and were out the door rather early. We swung by our favorite place to grab breakfast before heading to work, Pick-A-Bagel. It sounds incredibly cheap, but it never disappoints. After we grabbed our food and coffees, we made our way to the subway. His train always came first (or I would narrowly miss mine), but today was my day. We parted ways, brown bags in hard, with a kiss as he waved goodbye from the subway platform.

That night after work, we planned to hit up yoga on the pier. As the day progressed, I learned CK probably wouldn’t be able to make it since he had to work late. I was still committed. I tried to encourage other friends to join me, but it was no use. Regardless, I still went and had a great workout. On my way home, I swung by the grocery store to get a few things for dinner. On my way into my apartment, I noticed a package for me. Like most people, I love getting mail. It always makes me feel special for some reason — The novelty has never worn off. When I got upstairs, I immediately opened my package.

12It was the highly anticipated package from aussieBum. I’d been anxiously awaiting its arrival ever since they promised to send me some of their best underwear and bathing suits so I could review them on my blog. But, however large my excitement, I put the package aside and began working on dinner immediately. I wanted to food to be ready when CK arrived from a long day at work.

When he arrived, I showed him the package, and he grew quite excited. “I want a full fashion show when we’ve finished dinner!” he exclaimed.

As per usual, we ate our dinner in front of the TV, exchanging stories about our days. When we finished, we moved to my bedroom to lounge about. While he laid on the bed, I began to strip so I could model my new wares for him. As I moved from pair to pair, CK must have felt left out and asked if he could try some of them on. I asked that he not do so. I knew I’d want to include pictures of myself in them for the post, and I didn’t want anything to happen to them until I had time to snap the pictures. I’m not sure why, but this put his panties in such a bunch (pun intended).

I didn’t understand where his frustration was coming from. I thought my request was completely reasonable. He’d done nothing to deserve the underwear. They were not his. Why was he getting so bent out of shape. This, of course, led to an argument, and now, something so fun as modeling new underwear had now turned into a fight.

Gay FightI’d had enough. I left the room with him in it so he could be miserable by himself and went back to the couch to watch TV. I know I was being as childish as he was, but I’d had enough. There was no reason we should be arguing about anything so fun. Sure, I could have just relented and let him try on the underwear. But, I wasn’t in the mood. If he was going to be so miserable, he could do so by himself.

That night, we went to bed not speaking to each other. There was no sex and no cuddling – All over a few pairs of underwear. Rarely had my California King felt so big, but that night, we might as well have been sleeping on opposite sides of the Hudson.

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Hoboken Seconds

Today is another Fast Forward Friday!!!  

Hope you are enjoying these. It will help bring the blog a little closer to real time. If you’re keeping up with the stories chronologically, please skip down to this morning’s post first, then read this one. I think it’s a good one! Enjoy!

Back to your special edition of One Gay At A Time…

After our date on Monday, I wasn’t sure when I’d see Chelsea again. Things were moving forward at a nice pace, but I still wasn’t diving in like I normally do. What was holding me back? Was I finally going about things the right way? Was I not fully interested in him?

That Tuesday was his last day in his current role at his job. He went out celebrating with coworkers, and when they were nearing the end of their evening of drinks and fun, he texted to ask if he could come by. Two days in a row. I certainly didn’t have a problem with that. He obviously wanted to see me, and I was very happy about that. One of his coworkers lives across the street from me, and they were able to share a car. I told him I’d be thrilled if he came over.

When he arrived, I could tell he was quite tipsy. It was cute how he couldn’t hold his liquor. Alcohol gets him quite lubricated. He was very flirtatious once again, as he was at the end of our first date. Everyone was buying him drinks since he was no longer be working out of that office. His new territory was Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire, etc.

We started with some kissing when he walked in the door. I took his hand and led him to my bedroom. He was wearing a full suit, so I found him some more comfortable clothes. In the middle of changing, we began to fool around. It was fun. He was a good kisser, and we were making out all over my bed. I liked having someone of the same size to hold, kiss and roll around with. This time around, he certainly wasn’t shy about being in just his briefs. We had a lot of fun with each other and still no sex. And, I was fine with this. I knew things would progress slowly, and I was quite happy about that. ( I was missing sex a little).

He was a sweet guy, but that night was a little different. I saw a side of him I hadn’t only caught a glimpse of. A lot of his drama started pouring out, and I realized he had just been trying to keep it all down in an attempt to not scare me off. Now, I was getting to see the real Chelsea. I went to bed with a different picture in my head. Was this what was holding me back? Did I think maybe he was a bit too gay for me?

We watched TV and ate some dinner. a lot of the little things I ignored previously were bothering me that night. We went to bed at a reasonable hour. After sleeping together twice and it not ending well, I made a suggestion at the risk of sounding cold. I told him there was no need for us to snuggle while we slept. I tried to be honest and realistic about it. I said, “We can cuddle and snuggle, and when we’re ready to fall asleep, we can curl up on opposite sides of the bed. That way you will get a good night’s rest.” I also took this as the opportunity to tell him I wanted to go for a run the following morning. I was finally getting into a workout groove, and I didn’t want to throw it off. I could sneak out while he was still sleeping, and when I returned we could get ready to head into the city together. With that, we both went to sleep on opposite sides of my California King bed.

I woke in the morning and quietly snuck out to pound the pavement. I had a good run. I needed to clear my head, and the run was just the ticket. When I returned, I hopped in the shower. When I came out of the shower, I gently woke Chelsea. Normally, I would have slipped back into bed with him to cuddle, but I wasn’t feeling it. It was then I realized I wasn’t particularly sexually attracted to him. He was very shy about his body, and while I enjoyed the slower timeline and waiting, a part of me knew it was an important part of the relationship I couldn’t ignore. I’d sacrificed that in the past too many times. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.

I continued to get ready. I was pretty quiet, but then again, I usually am after I work out. I’m also not a morning person to begin with. I either get quiet or I become combative, as my mother learned many a time riding home from swim practice in high school. There was little talk and discussion as we got ready for work/for him to head back home. When we emerged from my room, I found a mess left by my roommate. I detailed to him why I was so annoyed and how this was a common occurrence.

The walk to the PATH wasn’t exactly full of chatter either. I struggled to think about things to talk about. I fixated on his new job and asking the questions about how he was going to handle it. Subconsciously, I was noticing all the things in the back of my head I’d brushed aside once again. Now, my cons list was growing.

When we got to his stop, I gave him a quick peck on the lips. I could tell it made him uncomfortable, but I was trying to force myself to stop being ashamed of being gay. If he were a woman, I’d have had no problem kissing her to say goodbye on the PATH. Why should I censor myself just because he was a man?

Later that day, I received a text from him asking me if everything was okay, or was it my roommate. I blamed my quietness on being annoyed with my roommate, but in reality, I was no longer looking at him as a prospect.

That weekend, I went shopping with my friend, P. While at the Woodbury Common Outlets, I got a text from Chelsea asking, “Will I see you at the end of the week?” I didn’t want to drag this out. I decided in my mind I was no longer interested. It was going to be tough to convince myself otherwise. I replied, “[Chelsea], I don’t want to lead you on or anything, but I’ve been giving it some thought. I just don’t know if we’re a strong match. You’re a really nice guy, I just don’t know you’re the guy for me. I want someone who is going to be around more… That’s important to me. Hope you understand.” Immediately, he responded, “Yup. I feel the same way :). Anyways, all good here. Please do me a favor and put me in touch with your friend about subletting my apartment, and I’ll see you sometimes in the city :).” I don’t know if that was his way of protecting himself emotionally or if it is how he truly felt. Either way, it was a clean break. All was good, and we could still be friends if we ran into each other in the future.

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My Week with PR

Things between PR and I seemed to be something of a fairy tale. We’d met months earlier on Grindr after he had a very rough breakup, and I was just getting my relationship off the ground with Smiles. He temporarily moved a few blocks from me, and after a night out as friends, we’ve been spending a lot of time together as love interests.

After our night out to the movies and dinner, PR spent the night once again. Why should he sleep on a pull-out when he could be sharing a California King with me. I got ready for work, and he made his way home to figure out his day. He was on-call that day, but ended up not having to go into work. Instead, he went shopping with his mother.

When he returned to Hoboken Wednesday night, he came over to hang out. We watched TV in each other’s arms on the couch and he spent the night once again. Things were getting hot and heavy with us, and fast. We still hadn’t had “sex’ in the traditional penetration sense of the word, but we were fully enjoying each other’s company.

Thursday night I have volleyball. This was good because it offered a natural break for us. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t tired of me yet. We’d been spending A LOT of time together, and I’m not always the easiest to be around. I was happy to have the time apart – Not because I didn’t want to see him, but more so because it made me look forward to seeing him again that much more.

When I got home from volleyball, he started texting me. We texted about the shows we were watching until he added, “So, I miss you.” I quickly replied, “Stop being so adorable. You know I can’t resist it!” And then he called it spot on. I love how real and upfront he is about things. “Is today resist each other day? If you need a break, I understand. I find you intoxicating in the best sense — Like happy,” he texted. I told him I did not need a break, and I in fact did miss him. But I also told him I wanted to make sure we didn’t tire of each other. He told me he was having a rough day. He heard back about a job he applied for and was told he didn’t get the position. I felt really bad that was the night we decided to spend apart. I’m sure he just needed a hug. He was depressed. I told him. “I can try to hug it away.” He asked if we could hang out the following night. I told him I had no plans and would love to.

When he stopped responding to my texts, I joked, “Replaced me with pizza?” He apologized since his pizza was delivered, and he added, “Food won’t comfort me as much as you.” And with a smile on my face, I dozed off for the night.

The next night, he came over. I made dinner for us both, and we watched movies. It was nice to have someone to spend my evenings with. This is what I really wanted in a relationship. This is what I was looking for. I was happy!

When we woke the next day, I made us breakfast. He spent the afternoon with me, and we finally motivated ourselves to hit the gym. He went home and changed while I showered. We met at the corner and walked to the gym together. He was very quiet and solemn that morning. We didn’t work out together, but that’s because I like to do my own thing at  the gym. We finished at the same time and walked home together.

That’s when he dropped a small bomb on me. He told me he was moving back home. I didn’t quite know how to take the news. I wasn’t thrilled with it. It meant he would be much further away, and we wouldn’t be spending evenings together so readily. I knew why he did it, and I realized he needed to get his life back on track. But, I selfishly didn’t like the idea.

That evening I had a bunch of friends come over to pregame before hitting up my friend’s birthday gathering at a bar a block away. He met many of my friends and seemed to fit in, but I still had the idea of him moving home in the back of my mind. When the time came, we all made our way to the bar. It was a fun night, but PR was being standoffish. He wasn’t mingling with my friends and was only talking to me a majority of the night. I was a little disappointed. On top of this, he was getting pretty inebriated and flirtatious. I’m comfortable with my sexuality, but I don’t like PDA in a “straight” bar. I feel all eyes on me, and it hinders me from enjoying myself. Nothing he was doing crossed the line, but it also was edging further and further.

By the time we moved to a friend’s bar (after hours) he was being overt. Granted it was a much more exclusive group and mainly my friends, but he was drunk and making me uncomfortable. I tried to just look past it.

Once again, we went to Cluck U to get a late-night snack. He was so drunk he couldn’t stay awake long enough to eat his. I carried him to my bed and tucked him in. He wasn’t happy because he wanted his chicken, but soon enough he dozed off. I put it in the fridge until the following day. I wasn’t resentful at all of this. I actually enjoyed taking care of him. I knew if our relationship continued, he’d be doing the same for me down the road. I sat in the living room and ate my chicken with the company of my thoughts. I had a lot on my mind since he told me he’d be moving back home. The news he didn’t get the position he applied for was a little unsettling as well. On top of this, there was the incompatibility we shared in the bedroom that hadn’t been resolved. This wasn’t the stability I was searching for, but I was still enjoying his company.

When I had my fill, I tucked myself in bed in quickly dozed off.

The next day, we woke, and he continued to give me $hit for not allowing him to eat his chicken the night before. He ate it for lunch instead.

We got dressed and ready for the day finally. I needed to go grocery shopping, so we walked to Garden of Eden together. His mother was coming in an hour to take him home. It was a bittersweet day. We’d spent more than a week straight together with the exception of one day. Things progressed quickly, but then again, they were about to change drastically.

I said goodbye to him as we made plans for the coming days. We were a few days away from Valentine’s Day, and he really wanted to celebrate it together. I obliged.

I thought about him the rest of the night and what this new arrangement would mean for us. I was quickly coming back down from the clouds…

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My California King

Things were going well for PR and I. He was turning out to be a great guy.

He’d been out with my friends and fit in. We’d had fun in the bedroom, and living room for that matter. I still had yet to meet any of his friends, but so far I was liking where things were going.

One evening after work, we made plans to finally go see The Woman in Black in the city. We both shared an interest in horror/scary movies, so I agreed. It sounded like a nice date too. I was sure it would involve some intimate hand holding in the theater and a nice night on the town for us.

I stayed at work killing time by writing a few blog posts until the time came to go to the movies. We agreed to meet in midtown by the PATH station and walk to the theater together. I didn’t hear from him for quite some time. It was getting very close to showtime, and I was getting annoyed. Why wasn’t he answering me? We were going to miss the movie.

Finally, I got a call from him. I met him on the street after learning he’d already started walking towards the theater. When I met him, I informed him we missed the movie. We needed to go to a different theater or find somewhere to grab a bite before the next showtime. He was very apologetic, but I was okay with everything. I didn’t have a schedule for the evening. I was just happy to be spending it with him.

We altered our plans and started walking to the theater on 42nd street. This would work out well because we could just hop on the bus at Port Authority to head back to Hoboken after the movie.

PR tried to pay for my ticket, which I thought was very sweet of him, especially since he was just working part-time until he found a full-time position. I thanked him for offering as I put my own credit card into the ticket vending machine to buy my own ticket. He tried to fight me, but it was no use.

We grabbed a big bag of popcorn and sodas and found our seats. I enjoyed holding his hand or rubbing his arm while we watched the movie. He was an affectionate guy like me. I liked that we were a match in that department. I was falling for him pretty fast, and we were spending a lot of time together over a short period of time.

The movie was decent. I don’t know that I would have picked it, but I was entertained and was happy to be out with PR.

We decided to grab dinner back in Hoboken. PR had only lived there a short period of time. He was anxious to get a lay of the land, so I suggested a few places we could hit up along the way. We settled on It’s Greek to Me and rode the bus through the Lincoln Tunnel. We hopped off the bus at our stop and went into a convenient store to grab a bottle of wine to take to the restaurant.

We sat at a table and decided on our meals. I insisted he try my favorite appetizer there, saganaki cheese. It was perfect with the wine we bought. I was really enjoying a casual night with him. The conversation was so relaxed and easy. We’d already gotten well past the awkward date stage. I was happy to just sit there with him at times, not even talking.

After we split the bill, we made our way home. We chatted more while we walked, and when we got to the intersection between our apartments, he was ready to say goodbye. I questioned him, and asked, “Aren’t you going to spend the night?” He replied immediately, “Do you want me to?” To which I confirmed and pulled him towards my apartment immediately. He asked if my roommates were home, but I told him that wouldn’t matter. They were cool and had people over all the time. He had no worries.

He’d forgotten to call his sisters to wish them a happy birthday, so he made a few phone calls to them while I answered a few emails and checked up on the blog. We relaxed on the couch for a little bit before making moves to the bedroom to go to bed. We watched Archer and Chelsea Lately in bed together, and laughed at all the same parts. It was nice to just sit and watch TV with a man.

When a commercial break came, I asked him what his “roommate” thought about him not being home all the time lately. “I told him I’m sleeping in a cute guy’s California King bed,” he quipped. I laughed and joked with him: “Is that all I am to you — A comfy bed?” He laughed and kissed me to show the contrary. Shortly thereafter, we dozed off and went to bed.

When my alarm went off in the morning to get ready for work, I looked back to the bed and smiled. I was happy to be waking up next to him. Of course I hopped back into bed and started to get a little frisky, but that wouldn’t make me late for work. I planned ahead and set the alarm a few minutes early.

I always leave room for play time…

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Fillet Mignon and Baked Potatoes

After breakfast at the hotel, we got back on the road to my great-aunt’s house in Mount Vernon to drop off the keys and make our way home. It was surprisingly fast.

I was really disappointed I never got to chat much with the bride. It’d been years since I’d last seen her, and we only speak on the phone about once every four or five months.

During the whole ride, I had a lot of time to think. For me, this is deadly. When I have time to think, I crawl up into my own head and start digging around where I shouldn’t be digging — This is why I lead such an active lifestyle. Thinking depresses me.

A lot of thoughts about Smiles were going through my head. I was a little hurt and upset my advances were rejected in the morning. I also was very disappointed I didn’t get to grab brunch with him. Overall, I guess you could technically deem the weekend with him a success, but I still wasn’t thrilled. I was on unstable ground. I had no idea where I stood with him, and it was getting to me. As usual, I was over-thinking everything.

When we got back to Hoboken, we stopped at the grocery store. I decided to call Smiles to see if he wanted to come over that night. I wanted to make him a nice home-cooked meal since he never cooks for himself. We always go out for dinner or order take-out. He agreed to come by. I also had ulterior motives. I wanted make-up sex for Saturday morning when I was denied.

That evening, when he got off the PATH, I hopped on the motorcycle and rode down to pick him up. I was happy to finally get him out on the bike. He’d been on one before, so it wasn’t as exciting as the first time I’d taken motorcycle virgins on the bike, but it was nice to have him so close to me. We rode back to my apartment with his arms tightly around me. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I started us off with some artichokes while the fillets finished grilling and the rest of the meal finished cooking. I made more food than the two of us could possibly finish. When we had our fill, I cleaned up, and we made our way to my bedroom for the night. He asked if he’d be spending the night. “Of course you’re spending the night! Did you think I was going to kick you out now?” I responded. “I don’t know. Some people need their rest before Monday morning,” he said. I reminded him the size of the California king bed and assured him he wouldn’t disturb my slumber. If anything, he would enhance it.

Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. I started getting frisky. After not getting any the morning before, I was even more geared up for some great sex. We undressed each other and jockeyed for position once again. I wasn’t making the same mistake again. I made sure I was in position to top this time. When I pulled out my night-stand drawer to get a condom and some lube, he made a comment about the large dinner and not sure it was a good idea. I surrendered, and we decided to use alternate methods. He climbed on top and used his hand behind his back. I was impressed with his ingenuity and his willingness to try alternate methods. However, it wasn’t quite enough for me. It felt great, but I couldn’t quite get over the final hump, as is my issue often.

We stopped and just enjoyed each other’s bodies laying next to each other before we both cleaned up and hopped into bed.

When I woke in the morning, I snuck quietly into my bathroom to shower so he could fall back asleep. If he wanted, I was going to let him sleep as long as he wished and just pull the door shut behind him. However, he had a few things he wanted to get to Monday morning, so he joined me on my morning commute.

We casually walked to the PATH and hopped on. When the time came for him to get off, we exchanged a quick kiss. A lot was going through my mind before that. I was a little afraid to do it because I knew all eyes would be on me as soon as he got off. However, I was the one who initiated it. It was subconscious, but I wasn’t going to let fear of others’ reactions rule my actions anymore. I didn’t care who knew I was gay anymore.

I rode the rest of the way to work not making eye contact with others. I wasn’t 100% comfortable in my own skin, but I was still growing with every day. Things were progressing nicely with Smiles, and they could only get better with added confidence.

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Sick to My Stomach

Monday morning, I woke to the sound of my alarm clock. The night before, N entertained the idea of taking the day off or working from home, however, this morning, his tone changed. He rushed to get ready for work since he was late, as usual. While he got dressed, everything from the night before slowly bubbled up in my brain. My disposition changed as I realized the hell my relationship was in. He gave me a kiss goodbye, and I gave him a forced smile as he walked out the door. I could tell by the expression on his face he knew how I was feeling.

Besides feeling like someone ripped my heart from my chest, I was feeling even sicker than the day before. My stomach was turning. I had so much work to do that day, but I couldn’t fathom going into the office. All morning, I was back n forth to the bathroom. I also realized sitting at home all day by myself with just my thoughts for company would be THE WORST thing possible for me at the time. The distraction of work would be a good for me, but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t know if I could make the walk to the PATH, let alone make it through the whole day, so I called in sick.

All morning, I curled up in a ball on the couch watching TV. I tried to eat a bowl of cereal, but after four bites, I felt nauseous. I really did a number on myself that weekend. I drank very heavily both Friday and Saturday well into the morning, as well as a few cocktails on Sunday, which was because I thought a little hair of the dog might help. NOPE!

After a while, I tried to fall asleep, but sadly all I could do was think about N. I started to tear up again, but refused to let myself cry. Finally, out of exhaustion, I fell asleep.

After some time, my roommate’s girlfriend came by. She was packing their things for their move to a new apartment. I needed someone to talk to, so I told her what happened. She gave me her take on the situation and offered advice. I didn’t fully agree with her on some things, but I knew she was right about most of it. It just wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I knew in my brain I needed to break up with him — the guy in which I had zero trust to be faithful to me. But, my heart was not in sync. It still wanted him — this great guy I met and integrated into my life so easily. I was torn. I knew if I just had hard proof, it would be the closure I needed to get over it and end things with him.

Nevertheless, I didn’t think our conversation was over. I didn’t have all the answers I needed, and if I was going to be treated like a second string booty call, this relationship was over. I asked him if he would be around that night since he couldn’t spend the day at home with me. He responded by telling me he completely forgot, until his roommate reminded him, he was going to her brother’s graduation party and would be spending the night. I would not see him for at least another 36 hours.

A big red flag went up in my head. Since I had no trust in him whatsoever, I began stalking him on Grindr. Was he meeting up with a man? Grindr would tell me how far away he was. I knew his job was 6 miles from my apartment. At one point that evening, he was 10 miles away, and then it jumped to 33 miles away. Of course, my brain racked over what the pit stop was. Did he stop at a Grindr friend’s apartment on the way to the party for a quickie? Who knew? This is was I was reduced to.

I was driving myself insane, so I took my frustrations out on someone who was bothering me for some time, Gatsbie69. The week before I met N on Grindr, I met what seemed to be the perfect guy for me also on Grindr. He was 28, and his name was Tim, or so he said. We talked for hours between Grindr and AIM. He emailed me numerous pictures of him and his hot body, but something never quite added up. Long story short, we discussed our lives and interests and matched up quite well. I was excited to meet him, except he always had an excuse why he couldn’t. Over two months, I did some research and came to find how much of a fake he was. I couldn’t figure out what he was getting out of this arrangement, and in my agitated state, I ripped into him that night on AIM. He denied the accusations, but with little fervor. When I finished telling him what an awful person he is, I made sure to make a full report to Grindr for impersonating someone else.

I needed to get out of my apartment. I was driving myself crazy. I texted my friends to see what everyone were up to. I didn’t care what it was. I just needed a distraction. K finally answered. I told her how much of a wreck I was. I explained my lack of appetite during the day (K knows how much I love to eat, so she knew how out of sorts I was), so she invited me over for dinner. I jumped at the invitation. I was at her apartment in five minutes. She made lobster ravioli, and I was able to stomach four of them. So if you’re keeping track, I had four spoonfuls of cereal and four raviolis. But, I couldn’t help it. The thought of food made me nauseous. At this point, I knew it was more than just a hangover. I was causing myself so much emotional distress; it was beginning to affect my digestive system.

I was stronger than this. I didn’t do this. This is not who I am. Why was I letting one boy’s folly tear me down? It was ridiculous! But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake it.

After dinner, I laid on her couch watching TV with her. We didn’t talk, but it was just nice to be with someone and watching mindless TV. She doesn’t realize it, but she really helped me that day. I haven’t felt that depressed in a long time, and I really needed a friend to be there. Thanks K!

When N posted pictures of the party to Facebook, I knew he actually went to the party. When it started to get late, I walked home. I didn’t want to keep K up, and I knew it would probably do me good to get more sleep.

When I got back to my room, I hopped into bed. My California King never felt so empty as it did that night. I know I didn’t want N in my bed that night, but I also know I didn’t want to be alone either. The nightmarish thoughts that were my love life ran though my head until I was finally able to doze off to sleep.

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