Posts Tagged volleyball
Let me first start off today’s post by apologizing for my extended absence. I’ve been quite busy as of late and have a lot going on in my life right now. I promise you I will make a more concerted effort to dedicate time to the blog. I am truly touched by those who reached out to me expressing both concern and unhappiness regarding the lack of posts. I will do my bet not to let you down. That being said, on with the show…
I’d been dating CK for 2.5 months. To some, that may seem like a long time. To others, it’s the lifespan of a fruit fly. For me, I didn’t see it as a definitive amount of time. I saw it as a period during which my relationship was growing and evolving. Over the course of that time, I was learning. I was learning a lot about CK and about myself. I was learning what it takes to be in a real relationship of substance. I was trying to do things the right way this time, however, there is no right way. You just make it work. I was struggling with trusting CK.
I was constantly aware of the medium in which we were introduced to each other, and I was relatively aware of CK’s past. They didn’t instill the greatest of confidence in me. On top of that, I was still carrying issues with me from the other men who hurt me. I’m sure, by now, you’re tired of hearing about that, but I can guarantee you weren’t as tired of carrying that around as I was.
I had a few suspicions. I chalked them up to my over-active imagination, and I managed to put them aside.
One thing CK and I differed on was gay friends. I didn’t really have too many of them in my posse. Sure, Boston always gave me sage advice, and one of my volleyball teammates I’d known since high school was gay, but it’s not even enough to field a full team. Since I didn’t have too many gay friends, I never did get some of the idiosyncrasies that came with them, such as calling my gay male friends gerrlll. It just wasn’t part of my vernacular. But, one slow day at work, I pulled out my headphones and watched The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert on HBOGo, and finally I got it. It made sense to me. I didn’t see myself throwing it around all the time, but I finally got the bond it signified.
Speaking of gay friends, one of the few I had was visiting New York that weekend. It’d been a long time since I last saw Boston. I was very excited anticipating his arrival. I hoped we could hang out while he was in town. We’d both gotten rather busy, and we found it hard to make sure we kept in touch. However, he wasn’t arriving until the weekend.
Friday morning, I woke up to the sound of CK’s alarm blasting while he laid sound asleep. I roused him to turn it off, and I was wide awake. I motivated us to get out of bed and toss around the medicine ball while watching TV and eating breakfast. When we finished, my blood was flowing, and I was feeling rather frisky. I attempted to seduce CK, and it worked. We had less than little time since we’d already leisurely worked out and ate, but I could tell he was also feeling frisky. I didn’t have to go to work because I had a random day off, but CK did. He conceded to having sex, but insisted I give him a ride to the PATH on my motorcycle before we continued. It was a deal.
With that, I pounced. There was little I enjoyed more than morning sex. I was almost always horny and raring to go first thing, but after working out, I certainly needed a release. We had GREAT sex that morning. It was passionate and rough and gentle in all the right ways. I couldn’t get enough, and I couldn’t keep my hands off him. As amazing as it was, the clock was ticking, and CK had a meeting to get to at work. We needed to stop. That certainly wasn’t an easy decision to make, but I knew it was the right thing to do. We hopped in the shower, and he finished getting ready for work.
When he was ready, I drove him to the PATH and kissed him goodbye. I sped home and finished myself off. It was all I could do to last that long. He really got me going, and like I said, I needed a release. After all the foreplay and sex with CK, the explosion was quite forceful and bountiful. It was a shame he wasn’t there to witness it.
CK texted me from work asking me if I wanted to see Magic Mike that night. I figured it’d be a really fun experience for us to go, so I was definitely in. What I wasn’t aware of was that he was planning to invite his old fling, Old News. I wasn’t thrilled with this idea, but I went with it because he was a friend. What I was thrilled with was Hip and Old News setting up a date, but when I learned that never really took off, I was disappointed. I didn’t really have anything against him. He was a nice guy, but he was a nice guy who happened to like my man. This was going to be part of growing for me. I needed to learn to trust him. But, it wasn’t really CK who I didn’t trust — It was Old News. In the few interactions I had with him, it was clear to me he wasn’t over CK yet. He wanted more, and I was clearly in the way of that. When CK opened up movie night to other friends, I did the same. I reached out to P to see if she wanted to join us, and I was thrilled to hear she would be joining us.
Before we went into the city to meet up with the other two, I prepped P. I asked her to do me a favor. I asked her to watch the interaction between CK and Old News. I wanted someone else’s perspective on the situation. I needed to know if it was just my imagination or something I needed to keep an eye on. She agreed to observe and report back.
P wasn’t the only one to whom I’d brought attention to my issue with Old News. CK knew I thought he still had a crush on him, but he was in denial. He didn’t agree with me. He pointed out the frank conversation they’d had in which CK explained to him extensively their friendship and nothing more. I wasn’t convinced, and that night, someone else would determine for me once and for all how to proceed with Old News.
The next morning, I woke up early to work out with CK in his rooftop gym. It was our first time up there, and we were finally going to workout together, or at least we both thought so. It turned out, we had different ideas of working out. While CK was on his cleanse, I too was trying to lose weight. That was only going to happen for me if I did cardio workouts. Lifting wasn’t going to help me shed any pounds, and that was the priority over bulking up. He wasn’t willing to join me for cardio, and I wasn’t willing to lift, so we worked out at the same time on opposite ends of the gym. When he finished, I was nearly done my three-mile run, sweating profusely from head to toe. I wanted to take off my shirt and use it as a sweat rag, but I wasn’t sure if that was P.C. in his gym, and there were others working out as well. When I finished, we rode the elevator back down to his place so we could shower and get ready for work.
As per usual, we showered together. This had become a regular thing for us. We rarely showered alone anymore. We weren’t always making out or having sex in there: It just seemed a better use of both our time to shower together. We were beginning to work out a system between us. Our routine was falling into place.
The one thing I slightly resented when sleeping over at his apartment was the lack of breakfast. It was getting expensive for me to continuously purchase breakfast every time I slept there. I made sure to provide him with the necessary items for breakfast, but we hadn’t seemed to get to that stage at CK’s apartment. I wasn’t going to make a stink about that. One thing at a time. I was happy he finally had all his boxes unpacked and a bed to be honest. Breakfast could be dealt with down the road.
We got ready and were out the door. We’d also managed to figure out we could commute together to work. Originally, he was walking to a different subway than I was, but after further investigation, I learned we could both catch the necessary subways from the same station, and it would be the same distance for CK. Every morning we walked together and said goodbye with a kiss on the platform. It was a simple routine, but I was already thoroughly enjoying our morning walk to work together.
That night, CK had to work late. I went home and went to free outdoor yoga on the pier in Hoboken with my roommate instead of CK. We were spending the night apart. He had to be at work early the following morning for a pitch. When I got home from yoga, I made dinner, watched TV and fell asleep in my bed alone after chatting with CK about his day.
I woke up early the next morning feeling lost. The man I loved wasn’t there. It was shocking how much of a difference it made having him in my bed. I didn’t sleep nearly as well as I did when he was present. It was like I was an infant all over again missing my mother’s heartbeat. I needed to feel him close to me to get a good night’s sleep. I forced myself to get out of bed and motivated myself for a nice morning run along the Hudson. I stopped to take pictures for Instagram of the city where I knew my boyfriend was still soundly sleeping.
I ran back home, finished getting ready and stopped by the allergist for my shot before heading to work. I was really committing to getting in shape and losing weight, so that afternoon, I took lunch at the gym. I wanted a six-pack again, and I wanted shoulders, arms and pecs I could be proud of again. When I finished, I was in a spectacular mood. I shot CK a text to remind him how much I love him. I was also horny from the endorphins running through my veins. I started to sext him, telling him all the things I wished I could do to him in the gym shower.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. That’s always been a fantasy of mine, however, I never had any desire to do it with complete strangers. In an ideal world, CK and I would go to the same gym. We’d walk in together, but not acknowledge each other while we were in the gym working out. When he was finished, he would head into to the lockers to shower. He’d strip down in front of me, not acknowledging my existence before strutting to the shower of his choice. I would follow just behind and slip into his shower stall and close the curtain behind me. We’d have sex under the hot water without causing too much commotion to attract attention from others. After finishing inside him, I would rinse off and leave the shower like nothing happened. He would finished washing up and recovering from our tryst while I got dressed and headed home like nothing happened to start making dinner. He would follow a few minutes behind, and the first time we would acknowledge each other would be at the door where I’d welcome him home from a hard day’s work at the office with a big kiss. We’d eat our dinner with big smiles knowing we have an epic sex-life. Some day…
So in shorter terms, I described this situation to him over text. When I first began, he thought I meant to text someone else. He must have thought I was cheating on him with someone at the gym. I assured him the texts were for him and reminded him how the conversation begane explaining that this was my fantasy. I also pointed out the irony of the situation and detailed how he was the one who sexted the wrong person, not me (just like the first day we started chatting and he wanted me to come over for sex).
That night, I had plans to see Porgy and Bess with my coworker, so I didn’t see him again. I think he felt a bit left out, but I’d been coworkers with this girl for over five years, and the two of us had never hung out outside work together. I also had to head to our Chelsea office to work early in the morning. I took the opportunity of being off the radar a bit to hit the gym again that afternoon, this time for a run on the treadmill. I began thinking about CK and I in the gym once again, but it would remain a fantasy.
When I finished work, I went to my volleyball game, came home to shower and made my way into the city to spend the night in CK’s bed. We’d spent a decent amount of time apart considering we’d been spending every waking minute together outside our workdays. I was thrilled to see him and even more ecstatic I was sleeping with him that night. After a late-night romp, we dozed off in each other’s arms. When we woke in the morning, we hit the gym once again. Alas, we worked out on opposites sides of the gym once again.
When we finished, we continued our routine of getting ready for work and were out the door. That night, after work, I ran home and grabbed my things for the weekend. We had a big weekend coming up, and I had to pack for many different options. It was EXTREMELY frustrating because I wasn’t sure what we’d be doing, I wasn’t going to be home again until Sunday at the earliest, and it was Pride Weekend. I asked CK for help on what to pack, and he was of no use. The fight was quickly escalating over the phone, and my frustration level was at its peak. I wasn’t used to going to gay events and circuit parties, and I was feeling a lot of pressure. This was a burden I’d been carrying around for weeks, and the moment of truth was arriving. This was going to be my first full Pride Weekend, and I had no idea what I was about to get myself into. I was scared sh*tless!…
After a night apart from CK, there was nothing I wanted more than to be with him. Days apart from him drug on incredibly slow. Work was what I did between spending time with my man.
We were really finding our relationship groove, spending nearly six nights a week together. I was a little worried I was losing touch with friends because I was spending so much time with CK, but I put in extra effort to make sure I found time to spend with them, especially if the opportunity arose for me to integrate CK with my friends. We didn’t live together, but we might as well have. After work, he’d come to my place, or I’d go to his. We watched TV together in the evenings and even turned some special TV events into romantic date nights, such as the season finale of Revenge or catching up on our new favorite cable series, Game of Thrones.
Couples that play together, stay together. We went for runs and worked out together. I was also taking the time to teach him some of the knowledge I collected over the years in the kitchen while we cooked dinner in tandem. We were a bona-fide happy couple. Rarely a moment passed we didn’t tell each other how much we loved each other. I’m sure everyone was jealous of our love or disgusted by our cuteness.
I started taking a passive interest in his hobbies. I went with him to the comic book store and watched him with great pleasure looking like a kid in a candy store. He too took an interest in my hobbies as well. One Thursday, he came to my weekly recreation league volleyball matches. He sat in the bleachers cheering me on taking pictures. I knew he was going to be bored out of his mind, but it meant the world to me having him there. What made it even more special was that I didn’t even ask him to come. He asked me if he could come some time. It really proved to me he loved me. It was also quite an ego boost having him there as well because he was turned on by my “jockness.”
On of our shared hobbies, we shared something else incredible — Our sex life. It was very healthy, and while we didn’t have sex every time we saw each other, we came close. We had sex sometimes before bed and sometimes sex when we woke up in the morning. At times, I even ended up going to work late because I couldn’t keep my hands off him, in the bed or in the shower. I’d also found the ideal sexual partner. Between us, there was no top, and there was no bottom. We both experienced sex with each other to the fullest. Our sex was passionate and fun. We never took things too seriously. We had fun in bed, taking pictures and tickling and wrestling. At times, sex got messy. This isn’t the most pleasant thing to write about, but it’s a fact of life when you’re having homosexual intercourse. We learned to deal with this without the embarrassment. We took care of things and moved on. I tell you this because I think you should be prepared for it to happen. Know you’re not the only one, but it is a very important step in a relationship when you can be so comfortable together.
We’d been together only a month, but I felt like I’d known him for years. Never before had I felt so comfortable with someone or loved them with all my heart. Never before had I felt so loved. I even went so far as to give CK a key to my apartment, and I cleared out a small space in one of my drawers to store clothes at my place.
On our days off, we’d lay around most of the morning before getting in gear to head out into the world, sometimes not leaving my bed until 1:00. If the weather didn’t cooperate, we’d stay on the couch watching movies all day snuggled in each other’s arms.
Since we first started having sex, we talked about getting tested. It was the responsible thing to do. I trusted him, but you can never be sure. I’m sure he felt the same way about me. Before we met each other, we had sex with multiple partners, so getting tested wasn’t a question. We’d also had unprotected sex, so that made it even more imperative we get tested.
One Friday, we had the day off and had plans to head into the city to see an off-Broadway show, The Accidental Pervert with my friend P. I had the idea to call the clinic and see if the had any appointments later in the day that we could be go in and get tested. I did this without consulting CK, but I didn’t think it was a big deal considering I made the call in front of him. If he was opposed, I would simply change the appointment, but I was certainly not going to cancel it. I needed the peace of mind knowing we were both clean and HIV negative. We had a discussion about the testing and agreed to keep the appointment I made. We both got tested and made our way to the show. We’d have to wait a few days for the results, but at least we were making big progress. Knowing is love. After the show, the three of us all went out for a lovely dinner at Boquiera in the Flatiron District.
I had never been so happy before in my life. I had a great man. We were being responsible. He was becoming a greater part of my life. Things were finally looking up for me. I have dated a lot of guys int he past and had sex with even more. Looking back, I’m not proud of a lot of what I did, however, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I was better for the experience, and if all that lead to meeting CK, it was all worth it. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. I’d finally found the man of my dreams, and we were in love.Follow @onegayatatime
We made our way to the PATH to go to work — Late, of course, from fooling around. I’m always horniest in the morning. I simply can’t keep my hands off him.
We texted back and forth all afternoon, talking about how much we missed each other already. We were that sickening couple who are so incredibly happy together you want to hurl, but then you recognize the love, and it makes you all warm inside.
Just as I suspected, I had to work late. I wouldn’t make it to volleyball that night, but I still held out hope I could swing by his place before heading home when I finished work, if even just to give him a kiss.
When I had a break in the evening, I stepped away to call him. I thought I’d be done at a fairly reasonable hour to swing by, but as time progressed, that seemed like less and less of a good idea. I felt bad because I felt like I was letting him down.
I finally finished around midnight. I called him on my way home to say goodnight. He asked me about my day, and while I was explaining it to him, he fell asleep on me. I couldn’t be mad about that. He didn’t do it on purpose. He was tired. I found it cute and funny actually.
I did really need him though. It was a very stressful day at work, and all I wanted was his warm embrace to make it all melt away. I wasn’t going to get that though. It made no sense for him to come out to my place that night because I had to head to the pitch out in Jersey early in the morning. I would have to be patient and wait until Friday evening to see him again.
I finally made it to bed around two am. I had to get up at six am. I am not a morning person, so clearly I wasn’t a happy camper. All I wanted to do was stay in bed with my babe. I hopped in the car service and made my way out to the offices of the company we were pitching.
As I was setting up the room for the meeting, I noticed a text from CK wishing me luck. It was incredibly cute and sweet. My heart melted a little, and I couldn’t wait to see him and thank him for his words of encouragement. They meant the world to me. He was considerate enough to remember what I was doing and wish me luck.
When my meeting ended, I called CK on my ride home. I didn’t need to go back to the office, so I had some time to myself. He told me his two friends, who were dating each other, wanted to go see another movie with us. They wanted to see Battleship. I wasn’t entirely thrilled to go see this, but I had no better plans or idea, so I agreed. I didn’t care what we were seeing. As long as I was sitting next to CK, I was happy.
We decided to grab dinner before the movie. We went to a cute Greek restaurant not far from his apartment, Ethos. We were seated and ordered our appetizers. The food was great, and the company was even better. Our conversation flowed like the wine over our lips. We were so entranced with each other, we didn’t realize what time it was. We had very little time before the movie was about to start. We flagged down our waitress and asked her to pack up our entrées to-go. We would drop them off at his apartment on the way to the theater and have them later. We quickly paid and flagged down a cab.
He stopped in front of CK’s place while he ran upstairs to put the food in the fridge. The movie was starting in two minutes. I sat in the cab waiting and waiting. I knew he wasn’t just putting the food in the fridge. That’s when I realized he was smoking. I texted him and told him to stop smoking and get his a$$ back down to the cab. He came down, and we continued on to the theater. Boy, did I have him pegged already. We picked up our tickets quickly and made our way upstairs to the theater. I told him I needed to use the facilities before heading in, and he gave me an annoyed look. I wasn’t going to feel one ounce of guilt for that considering what was part of the reason we were late.
We got into the theater just as the last preview was playing. Luckily we didn’t miss anything. I enjoyed holding CK’s hand throughout the movie, but the movie itself left a lot to be desired. I jokingly equated everything in the film to Top Gun while he responded with jokes of his own. I was dozing off about half way through. I only had four hours of sleep the night before, and a boring movie was not going to keep my attention. I went out to the snack stand to get a Coke to keep me awake.
Although the movie was bad, I still had fun with him. It was a good time. When the movie ended, we said goodbye to the other couple and made our way back to his apartment. Surprisingly, I wasn’t hungry, so I elected to save my dinner for breakfast the following morning.
I was so tired, I also elected to forgo dessert — Sex. We cuddled in bed for a little while CK watched TV on his iPad. We talked a little, and he mentioned how his friend had mentioned the idea of the two of us living together. He responded to his friend, “Things are going great right now. I’m not about to ruin things right now. We’re not ready to live together. Not yet.” I agreed it was too soon, but I admitted to him I had entertained the idea. I wasn’t the happiest with my living situation, but we weren’t at that place yet. We chatted about living together down the road. He was surprised to learn that was something I’d be interested in. He thought he’d drive me nuts. There was nothing to date to make me think I couldn’t handle living with him. We’d spent a lot of time sleeping over at each other’s places. I looked forward to living with him one day.
He continued watching TV. I was exhausted, so I laid down and fell asleep within minutes.Follow @onegayatatime
Things between PR and I seemed to be something of a fairy tale. We’d met months earlier on Grindr after he had a very rough breakup, and I was just getting my relationship off the ground with Smiles. He temporarily moved a few blocks from me, and after a night out as friends, we’ve been spending a lot of time together as love interests.
After our night out to the movies and dinner, PR spent the night once again. Why should he sleep on a pull-out when he could be sharing a California King with me. I got ready for work, and he made his way home to figure out his day. He was on-call that day, but ended up not having to go into work. Instead, he went shopping with his mother.
When he returned to Hoboken Wednesday night, he came over to hang out. We watched TV in each other’s arms on the couch and he spent the night once again. Things were getting hot and heavy with us, and fast. We still hadn’t had “sex’ in the traditional penetration sense of the word, but we were fully enjoying each other’s company.
Thursday night I have volleyball. This was good because it offered a natural break for us. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t tired of me yet. We’d been spending A LOT of time together, and I’m not always the easiest to be around. I was happy to have the time apart – Not because I didn’t want to see him, but more so because it made me look forward to seeing him again that much more.
When I got home from volleyball, he started texting me. We texted about the shows we were watching until he added, “So, I miss you.” I quickly replied, “Stop being so adorable. You know I can’t resist it!” And then he called it spot on. I love how real and upfront he is about things. “Is today resist each other day? If you need a break, I understand. I find you intoxicating in the best sense — Like happy,” he texted. I told him I did not need a break, and I in fact did miss him. But I also told him I wanted to make sure we didn’t tire of each other. He told me he was having a rough day. He heard back about a job he applied for and was told he didn’t get the position. I felt really bad that was the night we decided to spend apart. I’m sure he just needed a hug. He was depressed. I told him. “I can try to hug it away.” He asked if we could hang out the following night. I told him I had no plans and would love to.
When he stopped responding to my texts, I joked, “Replaced me with pizza?” He apologized since his pizza was delivered, and he added, “Food won’t comfort me as much as you.” And with a smile on my face, I dozed off for the night.
The next night, he came over. I made dinner for us both, and we watched movies. It was nice to have someone to spend my evenings with. This is what I really wanted in a relationship. This is what I was looking for. I was happy!
When we woke the next day, I made us breakfast. He spent the afternoon with me, and we finally motivated ourselves to hit the gym. He went home and changed while I showered. We met at the corner and walked to the gym together. He was very quiet and solemn that morning. We didn’t work out together, but that’s because I like to do my own thing at the gym. We finished at the same time and walked home together.
That’s when he dropped a small bomb on me. He told me he was moving back home. I didn’t quite know how to take the news. I wasn’t thrilled with it. It meant he would be much further away, and we wouldn’t be spending evenings together so readily. I knew why he did it, and I realized he needed to get his life back on track. But, I selfishly didn’t like the idea.
That evening I had a bunch of friends come over to pregame before hitting up my friend’s birthday gathering at a bar a block away. He met many of my friends and seemed to fit in, but I still had the idea of him moving home in the back of my mind. When the time came, we all made our way to the bar. It was a fun night, but PR was being standoffish. He wasn’t mingling with my friends and was only talking to me a majority of the night. I was a little disappointed. On top of this, he was getting pretty inebriated and flirtatious. I’m comfortable with my sexuality, but I don’t like PDA in a “straight” bar. I feel all eyes on me, and it hinders me from enjoying myself. Nothing he was doing crossed the line, but it also was edging further and further.
By the time we moved to a friend’s bar (after hours) he was being overt. Granted it was a much more exclusive group and mainly my friends, but he was drunk and making me uncomfortable. I tried to just look past it.
Once again, we went to Cluck U to get a late-night snack. He was so drunk he couldn’t stay awake long enough to eat his. I carried him to my bed and tucked him in. He wasn’t happy because he wanted his chicken, but soon enough he dozed off. I put it in the fridge until the following day. I wasn’t resentful at all of this. I actually enjoyed taking care of him. I knew if our relationship continued, he’d be doing the same for me down the road. I sat in the living room and ate my chicken with the company of my thoughts. I had a lot on my mind since he told me he’d be moving back home. The news he didn’t get the position he applied for was a little unsettling as well. On top of this, there was the incompatibility we shared in the bedroom that hadn’t been resolved. This wasn’t the stability I was searching for, but I was still enjoying his company.
When I had my fill, I tucked myself in bed in quickly dozed off.
The next day, we woke, and he continued to give me $hit for not allowing him to eat his chicken the night before. He ate it for lunch instead.
We got dressed and ready for the day finally. I needed to go grocery shopping, so we walked to Garden of Eden together. His mother was coming in an hour to take him home. It was a bittersweet day. We’d spent more than a week straight together with the exception of one day. Things progressed quickly, but then again, they were about to change drastically.
I said goodbye to him as we made plans for the coming days. We were a few days away from Valentine’s Day, and he really wanted to celebrate it together. I obliged.
I thought about him the rest of the night and what this new arrangement would mean for us. I was quickly coming back down from the clouds…Follow @onegayatatime