Posts Tagged Coming Out
The Navigator
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 4, 2012
In my Grindr surfing, I’d hit up more than a handful of guys. I struck up a few conversations and blocked a few I wasn’t interested in, but since I don’t pay for Grindr Xtra (I refuse to pay for the service on principle), there were a lot of guys floating around my screen in no man’s land. I casually kept a conversation going with a handful since I’d be there a few days and wanted to keep my options open.
On in particular didn’t really stand out from the crowd. We had weak conversation going — Just the pleasantries. “Hey. What’s up? What brings you to Grindr?” etc.
When I woke, I called Hertz and confirmed they would be picking me up that morning to take me to the lot. A woman drove me while I chatted some more on Grindr. Of course, when I got there they upsold me: “My only compact is at the car wash. You can wait, or for $10 more a day, you can take the convertible.” “Sold!” I exclaimed. I was like a kid in a candy store. I immediately put the top down and sped off back to my hotel. I couldn’t wait to hit the beach!
While I ate my breakfast in the hotel restaurant, I continued to poke around Grindr. I had plans to go to the beach that day, but I would be returning in the evening. Maybe I could find someone to hang out or hit up the bars.
The guy I’d briefly chatted with the previous evening messaged me once again and said, “Good morning.” We talked about what we had planned for the day. I mentioned my plans to hit up the beach when he replied, “What time should I be ready.”
A huge smile lit up my face. “How bout now?” I quickly shot back. Much to my surprise, he was just as serious as I was. “I have a few errands to run, but I can be ready at 11:00,” he added. That was in a half hour. “Perfect. I just got back from picking up my rental, and I’m eating breakfast now. Shoot me your address, and I’ll swing by around 11:00 to get you,” I said.
I gathered my beach things, hopped in the car and sped off to pick up my beach buddy. When I arrived in front, I called him, and he came out. I had only seen a few pictures, but was pleasantly surprised that he was a masculine good-looking man. This was going to be a good day!
We introduced ourselves, and I thanked him for joining me. I immediately asked him if he knew the area and told him my plans to go to Manhattan Beach. He agreed that was the best idea, but told me he had no idea how to get there. I told him he’d be playing navigator while I drove.
We talked casually about our different and similar Grindr experiences. This guy was real. He was very open about things and seemed very smart and very savvy. The longer the conversation drew on, the more I liked this guy. It was an extremely risky move to pick a stranger up in a car and spend the day with him, but it was really paying off. For once, luck was in my favor.
I learned a lot as we drove to the coast. He told me all about his job and what he wants to be doing in the future. I told him about my job, and he asked a lot of questions. He really wanted to know the intricacies of my day-to-day. It was quite apparent we were both really digging each other, and the conversation was so casual like we were friends for years.
On top of it all, he was chivalrous and super sweet. Everything he said came with a gentleman’s tone. He wasn’t self-centered, and from the stories he told, I could tell he was a popular, well-liked guy.
This was turning out to be a pretty great trip, and I was just getting started…
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on March 30, 2012
Today is another Fast Forward Friday!!!
Hope you are enjoying these. It will help bring the blog a little closer to real-time. If you’re keeping up with the stories chronologically, please skip down to this morning’s post first, then read this one. I think it’s a good one! Enjoy!
Back to your special edition of One Gay At A Time…
After a relaxing afternoon of fine food and poolside tanning, I’d already wet my appetite with some Armenian. It was a speedy delivery, and I enjoyed it. But, it left me still desiring more. If I was going to do this, I was going to do this. I was going to fully take advantage of my hotel room.
I hopped back on Grindr and decided to have some Asian delivery as well. We chatted a bit, and he sent me some pictures. I don’t typically go for Asians, but I liked his eagerness and spunk. He was hungry, and I still had an appetite.
After exchanging pictures and chatting a bit, I told him to come by. I showered to get the smell of sun screen and Armenian off me while I waited for him to arrive. I was already feeling like a bit of a hustler, but I also wanted to give myself a high-five in the same turn.
When he arrived, I answered the door and he came in. We chatted a bit on the bed before finally making a move and making out with him a bit. Slowly but surely, I got him naked. He was eager to please, and I really appreciated that. I think he cared more about how much I was enjoying it than he did himself.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. We tried numerous positions with each other. We never did anything really complicated, but I could tell this guy liked to have fun — And we were. However, I think he was enjoying it far more than I because he finished in no time flat. He really loved to bottom, and it showed.
I didn’t finish, but I couldn’t keep going after he finished. I’d have him in pain in a few minutes if I kept going. We laid there next to each other chatting a bit more about what we did for a living and where we lived. I was still really horny and I wanted to keep going. I knew my body was capable of rallying the troops again after at least two hours since the Armenian. I wanted to keep going.
I gave him some time to recover while we chatted. When I thought enough time had passed by, I asked if he wanted to go again. I asked if he was able to rally the troops again. He said, “Sure. If you wanna go again. Pretty sure I can do it.” I proposed we move things over by the window. I was feeling quite adventurous now. I was on the 19th floor. I knew it wasn’t likely we’d be spotted, but the chance of it happening made the sex that much more exciting. He agreed with a grin from ear-to-ear.
We moved to the window with both his palms pressed against the glass and his legs spread. We had a really hot time with my arms wrapped around him. It was one of the most fun positions/situations I’d been in. With a fresh condom, we went at it again. This time, I wanted to see him finish. I used my hands to pleasure him while he moaned loudly. I wondered if my “neighbors” would hear us. He finished on the carpet below as he let out a loud moan, but sadly I wasn’t quite there yet. I continued to attempt to see if I could finish, but something just wasn’t quite there. I couldn’t concentrate, and I knew this was a lost cause.
I’d already been talking to a guy who asked if he could come by late night. I decided to stop trying and save up for the next guy’s arrival. He turned around and expressed his gratitude and told me how hot that was. He cleaned up and got dressed, and I said goodbye to yet another guy whose name I didn’t even remember.
I was such a whore! I’d just been with two strangers in the same evening, but I told myself I was on vacation. I justified it in my mind by telling myself when I returned to New York, I was going to be a good boy. I gave myself a weekend pass and decided to get it all out of my system. The maid at the Hilton was certainly going to have a large pile of towels to clean up in the morning…
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on March 30, 2012
Yesterday I was shocked to receive a comment telling me I’ve been nominated for the TMI Award. I was pleasantly surprised from this great honor.
Id like to thank sensiboutique.com for blowing my mind with this great award.
The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well. These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing and intimate experiences with honesty, humor and little to no filter.
Here are the rules
- Thank the person who presented you with the award.
- Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
- Share an awkward, embarrassing and intimate story in 250 words or less.
- Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.
- Present the TMI Blog Award to 5 – 10 deserving blogs.
- Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.
Back to your regularly scheduled (oversharing) program…
After yet another failed date, I tried to see what other fish I could snag. It’d been a few months since my last relationship, and I was hungry for something real. It’d been even longer than a few months since I had that.
I was spending a lot of time on Grindr, Manhunt, Adam4adam.com, and OKCupid searching for Mr. Right while trying to convince myself to ignore Mr. Right Now.
I started to chat with a few guys, but work had other plans for me. I was being sent out to L.A. for a few days. I’m certainly not complaining, because this is one of the best places I’ve been sent to date. I even decided to extend my stay while I was out there. I told my boss I would be staying through Sunday night and coming back on the redeye (on my own dollar of course). The few guys whose interest I peaked would have to be patient and wait until I returned to the East Coast.
I chatted with my roommate before I left for L.A. I was debating how to spend my time out there. I knew I wanted to bask in the sun end get a head start on some color. But, would I be consulting Grindr while out there, or would I be using the time to find my center once again? A big part of me noticed I was getting out of control again, but another part of me asked, why not? I was single I could live it up. I decided I would make a game-time decision.
I landed a few hours ahead of the rest of my team. This was by my own design so I could relax by the pool for a few hours before digging in. It was one of my better ideas recently, because when I landed, the weather was gorgeous. After two short hours, I got a text from the team they’d arrived. I met them at the conference room, and they all commented on how I’d already gotten some color.
I continued to work the rest of the evening, and we went out for dinner after a longs day’s work. I had fun with this team. It wasn’t the usual stuffy crowd. This crew had level heads on their shoulders.
The next day, we presented like rock stars. I told my team how great they did and how I was going to use them as a case study going forward with all my other teams.
After we all went out for a spectacular lunch, I said goodbye as they all jetted off to the airport. For me, it was back to the pool.
While I laid there, of course I pulled out my friend Grindr. I wanted to see the talent in the Glendale area (where my hotel was). I managed to find a decent amount of guys and even started chatting with a few of them. Of course, against my better judgment, I decided to have some fun. I found a guy who was looking for fun as well, and I told him to come by. He happened to be driving through the neighborhood, so he obliged.
I made my way back to my room and waited for him to arrive. When I heard a knock at the door, I greeted a man who I can only guess was some sort of Armenian type. I really had no clue though. He had a decent body, and we got right down to business.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. We made out a bit until he laid back on the bed with his legs in the air. I pulled out a condom and gave him what he was asking for. He certainly liked it — I could tell because he continued to tell me how much he enjoyed it. He was a good bottom, and I had a good time. After some time, he finished all over his chest. Shortly after, I added to the fun as a smile crossed both our faces. I handed him a towel and he cleaned up in my bathroom.
As he dressed himself, he mentioned how nice it was to have a good top around. Apparently, the Glendale area had too many bottoms and not enough tops. I wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing for me concerning the remainder of my trip.
He was also very realistic about what transpired. We both treated it very transactional. He didn’t stick around afterwards or linger. He realized we were both there to satiate the animal within, and when we’d had our fill, he peaced out. He was a body, and I was a body. That’s all. I never knew his name. I didn’t even have his phone number.
I never would have thought I could have this mentality when I think back a year ago. I was telling N nearly a year before this how I don’t think I could ever have emotionless sex. I always thought I would only have sex with passion and love back then. I wasn’t thrilled with my transformation. I would have preferred to stay the same, but I’d already realized how enjoyable sex can be.
Follow @onegayatatimeIs This Going to Become a Trend?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on March 29, 2012
Once again I had a Friday off from work, and once again I found my libido taking over my ability to reason. I woke up that morning feeling frisky, and of course I pulled up Grindr to see who was around.
I went through a lot of guys and even started acting like all the other guys I hate on Grindr. I was skipping the pleasantries and getting right to the point. I knew I needed to find a guy who was simply looking for one thing. I didn’t want a guy who would linger or keep calling. I just wanted my libido satisfied.
I finally found a guy who seemed to be interested. He was a black man who had an amazing body. When I gave him my proposition, he surprisingly responded with a reasonable response. He didn’t normally seek out hookups, but he understood the periodic need to satiate the animal within. He wasn’t completely comfortable with just coming to my apartment and jumping into bed. He wanted to meet me in person first. I learned we both went to NYSC, so we agreed to meet at the gym and take things from there.
I get no service when I’m at the gym since it’s completely underground. I texted him just before entering “the cave” telling him what I was wearing and that I’d arrived. I worked out for nearly an hour, and he hadn’t made an appearance. I assumed he stood me up. I actually walked upstairs until I got service to exchange a few texts with him. He was on his way. I informed him I was nearly done my workout. I guess my libido was slowly fading with the endorphins of working out.
I was doing my last circuit of abs before I was ready to head out when I finally saw him emerge from the locker room. He came right over to the mat. I smiled as he approached, and he laid down next to me. He started doing sit-ups at a rapid pace — So much so that his shirt began to lift and expose his abs and the tiny shorts that barely covered him, exposing a majority of his jock strap. It certainly wasn’t anything I’d attend the gym wearing, but I could tell he was a bit of an exhibitionist.
The whole time, I waited for him to get my attention and say something, but he never did. After a few sets, he got up and walked away. I assumed he wasn’t interested. Apparently, I’d just been rejected without a word. It was quite a blow to the ego. Maybe I needed to stay at the gym a little longer.
I made my way into the locker room to change when I discovered him getting undressed right next to my locker. He was standing there in his jock strap putting his clothes into his locker when he stepped back and removed the jock as well. He was quite the “gifted” man. Of course I was sneaking a peek every chance I got. It’d been a while since I’d seen someone so “gifted” in person. It was very difficult to hide my own excitement in my gym shorts. I needed to leave before I got really excited and someone took notice.
He grabbed a towel and made his way towards the showers. It was just the tease I needed to get my engine revving again. Looks like it was going to be the computer and me when I got home.
As I left, I texted him declaring my disappointment at his lack of interest. He responded back almost immediately, “Did you leave?” I explained to him I was done my workout and thought he wasn’t interested, so I was heading home. He told me he was definitely interested, and he just didn’t want to interrupt my rhythm. He told me he’d be over in a short bit.
When he arrived, we sat on my bed chatting a bit. He was a freelance journalist over in New Jersey covering the Whitney Houston funeral. He seemed like a really intelligent down-to-earth guy. It made the hookup a little more relaxed and less transactional.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. Things started to get hot and heavy, and we both found ourselves naked enjoying each other’s embrace. After a short while, I took out a condom and some lube while he relaxed on his back. We were going at it for a little while when I accidentally slipped out of him. I wasn’t the only thing to fall out however. I sincerely hope my face didn’t show what was going through my mind at the time. This wasn’t as bad as the guy in San Francisco, but it certainly wasn’t pleasant. There was a pea-sized nugget laying on my sheets at the base of his behind. If this was going to keep happening, I was going to learn to be celibate.
I quickly improvised and suggested we continue our activities in the shower. We had some fun in there until we returned to the bed. I did my best to avoid the nugget while we both tried to finish ourselves off. Finally, I climaxed (I’m amazed I was able to with everything going on around me).
He informed me it would be a long time before he was able to finish himself. Apparently, he had similar issues to my own. I was happy in the realization my symptoms were finally lessening, and I was able to relax and finish more readily.
He got dressed, and I said goodbye to him. About ten minutes later, after immediately throwing my sheets into the washing machine, I received a text from him. He’d left a bracelet behind — And it was very important to him.
DAMNIT! I was going to have to see him again. I told him I’d bring it into the city sometime, but he suggested he would collect it over the weekend the next time we were both heading to the gym.
In the end, we needed to plan an evening for him to swing by and pick it up, but this time I told him, “No sex.” He stopped by for all of thirty seconds while I handed it to him through the door, never to be seen again.
Follow @onegayatatimeHard Candle Shell
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on March 28, 2012
After realizing PR wasn’t the one for me, I was ready to move on. I liked him a lot, but I felt we’d be sacrificing ourselves to stay together, and that’s not fair to either of us.
I had been talking to a cutie with glasses on OKCupid for a little while before finally asking him for his number and ultimately to go out for a drink.
Wednesday night after work, we made plans to meet down near his neighborhood for some cocktails. I let him pick the place, and he told me where to meet him. When I arrived to the corner where he was, he immediately came off as shy. We shook hands and introduced ourselves, which always feels forced and awkward for me. I sometimes wonder if a hug may be more appropriate considering we’re about to embark on a date, but I never have the guts to go in for it from the start.
We walked towards the bar he had in mind while we struggled to make small talk. I asked him about his day and how work was. In turn he asked the same questions, and I detailed my boring day at the office.
Finally, we arrived at the establishment, The Dove Parlour and took our seats on two bar stools on the corner of the bar. We ordered our drinks and returned to our awkwardly forced conversation. Again, we returned to the topic of work. Every question I asked him was returned with a quick short response. It was like pulling teeth to keep the conversation going. There were long periods of silence I wasn’t sure how to deal with.
When we finished our second drink, the bartender approached and asked if we’d like another. This is where I failed miserably. This is why I’m too nice. I defaulted to him, expecting him to have felt as awkward as I did, but instead, he asked for another round. I was shocked. Did he think this date was going well? How could he?
I sat there and struggled to find a subject to continue to talk about over the next round of drinks. I was ready to leave, but I felt I’d be rude. I was in for another night of wasting my own time due to my lack of confidence to say, “I’m sorry, but I think I’m going to go.”
I ended up staying for two more rounds — Four in total. Things were slowly improving. As the drinks passed his lips more words finally came out the opposite direction. He was finally starting to hold a real conversation. The topics were nothing exciting, but at least it was bearable.
By the end of our fourth round, he wanted a kiss. He moved in to make a move, and I allowed it. It’d been a while since a man kissed me, but I wasn’t entirely weak in the knees from it. He really did have soft lips and was a good kisser, but that didn’t negate the fact that our date was not going well.
He beckoned me to change stools so we weren’t straddling the corner. He wanted me to be closer. At this point, he wanted a makeout session. I wasn’t having any of that. I don’t make out in bars (not unless I’m hammered and don’t know any better, and the last time I did that was with a woman).
I told him I thought it was bad manners to make out at the bar. I pointed out how it always turns into a spectacle, especially when it’s two men kissing each other. He pointed out the lack of people in the bar and asked if I wasn’t comfortable with my sexuality in public. I pointed out if he was a woman, I’d feel the same way. There’s never a need to make out at the bar. Take it outside. This was going to be a point we differed on, because he did not stop attempting to convince me to lock lips. This is when I basically told him to back off. It wasn’t going to happen.
When we were ready to leave, he decided to walk me to the PATH — The complete opposite direction of his apartment. He was going to take a cab home and mentioned something about his supervisor paying for it.
When we got to the PATH station, he took the opportunity to pin me against the fence so he could have his makeout session. Again, I’m too nice and too accommodating, but at least he was a good kisser. It was an amazing change of pace from the night before, in which my “date” tried to eat my face.
Finally, I pulled back and said goodbye. He mentioned his desire to meet again in the near future, and I left that door open for possibility (seeing the too nice trend beginning here). When I got to the other side of the Hudson, I had a text waiting for me: “In spite of being terrified, I had a really good time! Hope to see you soon!” I simply responded, “Terrified?” “Oh, I have panic attacks before dates,” he added.
I didn’t respond, but in the morning, I had another text waiting for me: “Those French Lavenders (the drinks he was having) pack a punch. Sorry :/” I simply put his mind at ease and said, “No worries.” That would be the last I would hear from him. I was happy to skip all the awkward texts and requests. He simply took the hint I wasn’t interested and moved on…
Follow @onegayatatimeGay Terminology UPDATE
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay News on March 24, 2012
A little while ago, one of my readers read my post about gay terminology and slang. I was new to the gay community, and I was hearing a few new words I didn’t know the meaning of. I asked my readers to respond with their favorite obscure or trendy gay words. He responded with a few links to interesting dictionaries. I found them to be both informative and entertaining. I thought I would share them with you. Enjoy!
The Lounge: Glossary of Gay Slang Terms
http://andrejkoymasky.com/lou/dic/dic00.html
Gay-Mart: Queer Slang in the gay 90s
http://www.gaymart.com/6fun/slang.html
Online dictionary of playground slang: The Gay Slang Dictionary
http://odps.org/glossword/index.php?a=index&d=8
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My California King
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on March 22, 2012
Things were going well for PR and I. He was turning out to be a great guy.
He’d been out with my friends and fit in. We’d had fun in the bedroom, and living room for that matter. I still had yet to meet any of his friends, but so far I was liking where things were going.
One evening after work, we made plans to finally go see The Woman in Black in the city. We both shared an interest in horror/scary movies, so I agreed. It sounded like a nice date too. I was sure it would involve some intimate hand holding in the theater and a nice night on the town for us.
I stayed at work killing time by writing a few blog posts until the time came to go to the movies. We agreed to meet in midtown by the PATH station and walk to the theater together. I didn’t hear from him for quite some time. It was getting very close to showtime, and I was getting annoyed. Why wasn’t he answering me? We were going to miss the movie.
Finally, I got a call from him. I met him on the street after learning he’d already started walking towards the theater. When I met him, I informed him we missed the movie. We needed to go to a different theater or find somewhere to grab a bite before the next showtime. He was very apologetic, but I was okay with everything. I didn’t have a schedule for the evening. I was just happy to be spending it with him.
We altered our plans and started walking to the theater on 42nd street. This would work out well because we could just hop on the bus at Port Authority to head back to Hoboken after the movie.
PR tried to pay for my ticket, which I thought was very sweet of him, especially since he was just working part-time until he found a full-time position. I thanked him for offering as I put my own credit card into the ticket vending machine to buy my own ticket. He tried to fight me, but it was no use.
We grabbed a big bag of popcorn and sodas and found our seats. I enjoyed holding his hand or rubbing his arm while we watched the movie. He was an affectionate guy like me. I liked that we were a match in that department. I was falling for him pretty fast, and we were spending a lot of time together over a short period of time.
The movie was decent. I don’t know that I would have picked it, but I was entertained and was happy to be out with PR.
We decided to grab dinner back in Hoboken. PR had only lived there a short period of time. He was anxious to get a lay of the land, so I suggested a few places we could hit up along the way. We settled on It’s Greek to Me and rode the bus through the Lincoln Tunnel. We hopped off the bus at our stop and went into a convenient store to grab a bottle of wine to take to the restaurant.
We sat at a table and decided on our meals. I insisted he try my favorite appetizer there, saganaki cheese. It was perfect with the wine we bought. I was really enjoying a casual night with him. The conversation was so relaxed and easy. We’d already gotten well past the awkward date stage. I was happy to just sit there with him at times, not even talking.
After we split the bill, we made our way home. We chatted more while we walked, and when we got to the intersection between our apartments, he was ready to say goodbye. I questioned him, and asked, “Aren’t you going to spend the night?” He replied immediately, “Do you want me to?” To which I confirmed and pulled him towards my apartment immediately. He asked if my roommates were home, but I told him that wouldn’t matter. They were cool and had people over all the time. He had no worries.
He’d forgotten to call his sisters to wish them a happy birthday, so he made a few phone calls to them while I answered a few emails and checked up on the blog. We relaxed on the couch for a little bit before making moves to the bedroom to go to bed. We watched Archer and Chelsea Lately in bed together, and laughed at all the same parts. It was nice to just sit and watch TV with a man.
When a commercial break came, I asked him what his “roommate” thought about him not being home all the time lately. “I told him I’m sleeping in a cute guy’s California King bed,” he quipped. I laughed and joked with him: “Is that all I am to you — A comfy bed?” He laughed and kissed me to show the contrary. Shortly thereafter, we dozed off and went to bed.
When my alarm went off in the morning to get ready for work, I looked back to the bed and smiled. I was happy to be waking up next to him. Of course I hopped back into bed and started to get a little frisky, but that wouldn’t make me late for work. I planned ahead and set the alarm a few minutes early.
I always leave room for play time…
Follow @onegayatatimeMy Adult Book Report
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay News on March 21, 2012
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. It is of a sexual nature. Proceed with caution!
A few months ago, the fine folks at Tickle Kitty approached me. It seems bestselling author and sex educator, Dr. Sadie Allison published her fifth book, Tickle My Tush: Mild-to-Wild Analplay Adventures for Everybooty. They offered to send me her latest paperback that helps men and women learn the true pleasures of the under-explored “seat of love” for review on my blog.
I enthusiastically accepted the offer, and anxiously awaited its arrival in the mail. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was getting myself into, but how bad could it be? I’m gay. If I had an aversion to anal play, I’d be a very lonely man the rest of my life. Maybe I could learn a thing or two from the book as well.
I wasn’t the only one anxiously awaiting my new book. My roommates were also waiting with bated breath to see what the book was all about. When it finally arrived, we all passed it around paging though to see what exciting new tips we could learn. After we’d all had our fun like immature high school students in the locker room, I took the book back and began reading it.
Tickle My Tush is a light-hearted fun look at anal sex for mainly heterosexual couples, however, a homosexual man can learn a lot from this book. Dr. Sadie covers a lot of material in this quick read — The 14 chapters of this book cover everything from safety and heinie hygiene to toys, strap-ons, and positions of pleasure. And, Dr. Sadie takes a light-hearted approach by using playful language instead of some complicated medical jargon no one understands or uses.
This book does a wonderful job removing the stigma from anal play/sex. I can think back to when I was first experimenting with homosexuality, I wanted nothing to do with anal play. I watched it in porn, and it really just seemed like something I didn’t need. I could think of many other things I could do to satisfy my sexual urges. It was something I saw as overwhelming and uncomfortable. Frankly, I was scared of it. If you find yourself in that position, reading this book will answer a lot of the questions and will clear up a lot of the misconceptions you may have.
What I really like about this book is that it pushes straight men to open their minds and their bottoms to the idea of anal play with their female sex partners. I enjoy sex, and even as a “top,” I enjoy many of the pleasures my bottom has to offer. Having your prostate stimulated for the first time is a mind-altering experience. Many straight men don’t realize the potential their bottoms have for pleasure. I would hope books like these remove the stigma and open their minds to anal play. This book also removes the stigma for women to explore. It takes away the idea that enjoying anal sex makes you dirty or a slut. It’s simply exploring all the pleasures you body has to offer.
As you read, the book certainly gets more adventurous. It starts with safety, hygiene, anatomy and the basics and moves through finger, oral, genital, toy and strap-on pleasures.
One of my favorite chapters is 6: Sensual Booty Massage. It has always been something I’ve enjoyed. “As an often overlooked erogenous zone, those two cheeks are always eager for sensual arousal from kneading, squeezing, kissing, licking, spanking, gentle biting, father-light touching — or simply calming moments of warm-handed stillness. Why stop at the cheeks? Lustily arousing the hips, waist, small of the back, inner thighs and A-spot can add thrilling new dimensions to your lovemaking.” Some are tried and true methods I’ve been using forever, and some are a few new methods I’m dying to try.
Some of Dr. Sadie’s advise is spot on! One of my favorite parts of the book acknowledge the problem I have relaxing during sex. It’s the root of my inability to climax at times. Her best advice — UN-focus.
This book is a great read for the anal play beginner. I can think back to the guy who inserted himself with great force inside me with no preparation whatsoever. I ran out of the room in pain. I can think of the virgin who allowed me to penetrate him for the first time and how scared he was until he learned how much he loved being penetrated. I’ve been with a few newbies in my days, and there is a lot they can learn from this book. On top of it all, the illustrations that ensue are purely erotic. I think they are my favorite part of the book!
There are a few things in the book I disagree with on some level. For instance. in regard to the question, “Do you really need an enema before anal sex?” Dr. Sadie says no. But, after a few of my own horrific experiences, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.
Overall, I must say, I didn’t learn a whole lot from this book I didn’t already know. That is because the first guy I slept with was a very good teacher, and I have a curious mind that has been satiated by experimentation. But, not everyone is as lucky as I am. If I had this book from the start, it certainly would have made for many less awkward situations. The thing I most learned from the book was anatomy. In fact, I often refer back to it to make sure I am giving my man the most pleasure I am capable of.
Dr. Sadie does an excellent job giving you the basic tools you need to be confident, succeed in anal play in the bedroom and know you can enjoy the untapped pleasures your bottom holds. She gives you invaluable tips that help get you in tune with your partner. She answers a lot of the embarrassing/uncomfortable things that may arise with anal play so that when you encounter them in the bedroom, you can proceed past them without the interrupting the fun. So buy it — Read it — And for heaven’s sake, try out all the new things you learn with someone you feel truly comfortable with. You’d be surprised what exciting new experiences you can unlock.
Follow @onegayatatimeA Perfect Weekend
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on March 20, 2012
PR and I had a lovely dinner and topped out night off with a scary movie marathon. When we were sufficiently scared and tired, we went to bed.
I purposely turned off my alarm that night because there was nothing pressing to wake up for in the morning. We could sleep in and enjoy each other’s company in my uber comfortable bed.
I liked sleeping with PR. We snuggled and cuddled before finally dozing off. He didn’t wake me throughout the night with tossing and turning like so many others do. We slept well together. Of course, in the morning, we shared more than just cuddling or spooning. There was still plenty of snuggling, but things escalated to a new level with the discovery of his matching morning libido. We didn’t have “sex,” as in we didn’t have penetration, but we did just about everything else.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. While our mouths went wild exploring every inch of each other’s bodies while our hands enjoyed the touch of skin in symphony. I was constantly lingering at his back door as well. I was testing his limits. I wanted to see how comfortable he was with me back there.
He even mentioned his interest in bottoming for me, but it wasn’t going to happen immediately. He needed to warm up to it first; rightfully so, considering it’d been years since someone penetrated him. I was willing to be patient. I was just concerned that it would happen at all. His willingness to play ball in down the road was reassuring.
It was late when we finally motivated ourselves to get out of bed. I think it was our grumbling stomachs that finally inspired us to make moves. I cooked us another breakfast while he sat on the island chatting with me. I was getting used to having him around, and I liked it. He was a very caring and sweet guy — A hopeless romantic much like myself.
After we ate breakfast, we cuddled a lot on the couch. I was still horny from the morning romp and started to get frisky, pulling down his shorts and exposing his ass. He was getting a little bashful since we were in front of my apartment widows with the street below, but chances are no one was able to see him. At one point, I even completely removed his shorts. It was cute watching his bashful squirm. I was starting to get off on it.
We decided to go to the gym, so we finally picked ourselves up off the couch and went to the bedroom to get ready for the day (now that it was about 3:00). Of course we didn’t simply get changed and head to the gym. We got frisky once again as I pulled him onto the bed. He certainly wasn’t complaining.
My motivation to have bigger biceps finally overtook my sexual desires, and I suggested we finally get ready for the gym. He went home to change, and I got dressed. He was starting to take a long time, so I told him I’d just see him there — I was on my way.
I nearly finished my workout before he arrived. It was slightly awkward cause I wanted to kiss him when I saw him, but I didn’t want to make a scene. We had plans to go to a Super Bowl party together, so I told him I was going to head home to shower and get ready. I implored him not to doddle since I didn’t want to arrive at the party after the start of the game. He assured me he’d be ready in time.
Once again, he was running behind, but after hopping in a cab, we arrived at the party just in time for kickoff. A lot of my friends were there, so I introduced him to everyone. This was going to be a test. He would he interact with my friends? Would he be outgoing? Would they like him? I care a lot about what my friends think of the guy I’m dating. I was trying out a new strategy this time around. I was introducing him to them much sooner than guys past.
The whole time, I sat next to him on the couch watching the game, I wanted to hold his hand or have him sit in front of me in my arms, but it wasn’t that kind of party. I would keep my hands to myself. I wanted to jump his bones the whole time we were there. I was showing restraint however.
When the game ended, we walked home with D. The majority of the second half, I kept expressing my desire for cake, so we decided to stop at the A&P and grab something. D got some cake as well, and since he lived nearby, we made a pit stop at his place to relieve our bladders and snag a bite of his cake.
PR came back to my apartment to share the carrot cake I bought for us. While we walked, he asked me the most forward question any guy on a date has ever asked me: “Have you ever had any STDs?” I paused for a moment in shock. I indeed did, and it was an embarrassing story. I wanted to know if he equally shared in my shame before I would volunteer that information. He told me he did, so I explained the time I contracted chlamydia. He then recounted the story of the time he got crabs. It was a bizarre but interesting conversation.
While we ate cake, we discussed zodiac signs. We looked up each of ours and checked the compatibility. I don’t believe in that sort of thing, but it was fun and something to pass the time. We moved things to the couch to relax and discussed everything. I told him about all my exs and he told me about all his. We sat there talking until we realized it was 2:00am. I asked him if he was going to stay the night, and he graciously accepted.
Sleeping with him just felt so right. I was happy to have him there. He was a good guy, and I was really enjoying his company. I liked where this was going, but his future was a little uncertain. He was applying for numerous jobs and attempting to figure out a more permanent living solution. For the meantime, we were meshing so well, and I was enjoying every minute of it.
Follow @onegayatatimeNot Tired of Me Yet?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on March 16, 2012
Apologies for all you who got my draft post sent out today. I didn’t realize I had it scheduled for release before finishing it. Please disregard! And apologies for the late post today.
Back to your regularly scheduled program.
So last we left off, my Grindr friend/neighbor, who I will now call PR (short for Puerto Rican), and I were making out on my chair in my living room after a night at the bars and some Cluck U chicken.
I’m sure you’ve been wondering what happened next. Well..
After some making out, I grabbed his hand and led him to my bedroom. We had our fun letting our hands explore the other’s body. Things escalated from there until we finally dozed off for the night. He wasn’t the sexiest guy to enter my room, but we certainly had a good time together. I really enjoyed cuddling and making out with him, as well as many other things we experienced that night.
When we woke in the morning, we didn’t get out of bed. We spent a majority of the afternoon laying there spooning and cuddling and just talking. I really liked how frank he was about things. He didn’t sugar coat or try to impress me. He was being real. This is a quality I seek out in men. It’s very important.
After some time, he asked the question I knew was coming, “Soooo, are you a top or bottom?” I told him I was a top. I quickly learned he too was a top. This, of course, was followed by a long awkward pause on both our parts. I wondered in the back of my head if he was convertible. He told me it was nine years since the last time he’d done it. That left a glimmer of hope that he had done it in the past, however, nine years is a long time! Maybe this was doomed before it even got off the ground. Maybe we were simply sexually incompatible. But, I liked him. I wasn’t ready to walk away from it just based on this.
After more chatting, we started to fool around some more. Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. We orally pleased each other for some time. He felt so good. Finally, we finished ourselves off laying next to each other. It took some time for both of us. When we did, he mentioned how it takes him a long time to finish. I kissed him strongly. I told him how good it was to hear him say that since we both shared that “malady.” I was happy he was understanding.
Around 1:00, we finally got out of bed. I offered to make him breakfast. I cooked up some of my homemade sausage, eggs, avocado, English muffins, coffee, etc. This was serving as our lunch and our breakfast. We watched some TV on the couch while we ate.
Finally, he decided to head home and get ready. We made plans to go out for dinner that night. I had a Living Social I was ready to burn up at Trinity, a nice restaurant on the Hoboken waterfront.
Around 6:00, I met him on the street corner between my apartment and his friend’s apartment where he was staying for the time being. We took a leisurely stroll towards the waterfront, talking the whole way. When we arrived at the restaurant, it was closed for a private event. We decided to go elsewhere rather than wait for dinner because we were both starving. He wanted to go to East L.A. for margaritas. It sounded like a good plan, so I agreed on that.
That night, he had plans to go see a movie with one of his friends. His friend wasn’t getting back to him, so he asked if I wanted to go instead. It wasn’t a movie I was looking forward to seeing, but I had no plans and was enjoying spending time with him. I agreed to go. We talked about many other things over dinner, including the other gay date we were sitting next to. The two guys were younger and we could tell it was a date by what we saw and heard. It was very cute to see — Not something you see every day in Hoboken.
When we finished dinner, we started walking down the street towards our apartments. He decided against the movie since he was tired, so we agreed to just stay in and watch TV instead. I’d never seen the Paranormal movies, and he liked them. We decided to make a Paranormal Activity marathon night of it. We snuggled on the couch the entire night. I was very happy being in his arms, and he in mine.
When the movies were over, it was late. We decided to just go to bed, and I asked him to stay the night…
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 