Posts Tagged waterfront

We Kiss, We Make Up

When last I wrote about my budding relationship with Clark Kent and myself, we had gotten well past the honeymoon stage. We were trying to maintain a relationship across state lines, and it wasn’t easy. That being said, we were still seeing a lot of each other, and I started to wonder if maybe it was too much. I often wondered, maybe there is such a thing as too much of a good thing…

balance-rock-feather_zps9de02a2dWe needed to find balance, and that wasn’t going to be easy. We’d been dating four short months, but, in reality, it felt like we’d been dating for close to a year, even though we were still figuring things out.

That Thursday night, my old roommate was gathering with friends at the new waterfront biergarten in Hoboken for drinks to celebrate his birthday (which I was unaware of until deep into the night). I mentioned it to CK and asked him to join me when he finished work. He agreed, but he had to work later.

When I arrived, I didn’t know too many of my old roommate’s friends in attendance. I began texting and calling other friends to join us. P and S both responded, “On my way.”

As you can imagine, it takes a lot of time to write a blog, so I was utilizing my free time during the day at work to accomplish this. Apparently, my boss took notice to my poor use of free time since he wasn’t seeing any productivity coming from my time between projects. (Perhaps you can understand why I have been neglecting this blog for the past few months).

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This is relevant because I was also coming off a really rough day at work. I received my review that morning, and it was not positive. My only saving grace was a preemptive strike made a few weeks earlier.

I noticed an opportunity to take over our social media duties (which were being completely neglected) and asked my boss if I could take them on. During my review, when he pointed out my poor utilization of free time, I countered with the argument, “That’s why I approached you about taking on the social media duties.” I thought maybe I’d saved my a$$. He countered with, “I only wish you’d come to me about it three years earlier.” I was defeated.

As if this wasn’t bad enough, I learned later that day we’d be merging with another company. So, on top of a bad review, I was petrified of being labeled a redundancy. Two weeks earlier, my career looked to be shaping up. I was taking on a new role, and finding early success. My experience with this blog and other social media was really paying off. Now, it looked as if my whole world could be crumbling around me.

HobokenPier13A majority of it was out of my hands at that point. All I could do was put my nose to the grindstone for the coming weeks. But, on a Thursday night, I needed to forget. That meant I needed more than a few stiff drinks!

I drank beer after beer while mingling with old friends and some new ones. I was having quite a good time, but I was missing CK. I was texting with him back and forth discussing his arrival.

When he finally arrived, I was thrilled to see him. He could be comfort after a rough day, and I was finally properly lubricated enough to have a good time and forget about work, enjoying a night out with my man and friends.

CK grabbed a beer and immediately dove right into the conversation with all of us. I was chatting with S’s roommate, and the discussion quickly changed to his tattoos and body piercings. CK was a bit fascinated by tattoos at that time. He detailed for me the elaborate tattoos he was dreaming of getting.

TattoSleeveRolledUpS’s roommate was very much Mr. Machismo. I wasn’t sure how comfortable he was with the whole “gay thing.” There was just something about his attitude and the way he carried himself that I didn’t think he’d be too comfortable. I never formally came out to him, as I’d only met him a handful of times, but I assumed S clued him in. I was very pleasantly surprised just how cool he was with the whole “gay thing.” He turned out to be quite a laid back guy. It just goes to show you can’t judge a book by its cover.

The two quickly formed a bond. At some point in the conversation, the roommate started talking about his anxiety over having to fly the next. CK took it upon himself to aid in this situation.

AirplaneSeatImmediately, I was unhappy. My mood shifted abruptly. I shut down. I’ll never quite understand why I react in this way to these types of situations. I think it stems from striving to suppress my feelings at the moment so I don’t create a scene in public. The deeper question is why do I become so enraged in the first place?

This time, CK wasn’t exactly participating. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, however, aiding and abetting someone else’s wrongdoing was equally as bad in my mind. He was enabling behavior he knew I was opposed to. I wasn’t just feeling anger. I was scared. I was afraid I was going to lose him. We’d had this discussion time and time again. If we continued to have the conversation, eventually, he would be faced with an ultimate decision, and there was a chance I would be a casualty of that decision. All of my emotions tied back to this very thought. I was afraid in the end he wouldn’t choose me, and as a result, I would have to choose me. I’d have to say goodbye for my own sanity, facing my greatest fear in life, being alone, on top of losing a man I loved. Obviously, I never wanted it to come to that.

I managed to suppress this anger and feeling of betrayal. My mind was jumping back to all the other times we discussed this very topic. This was only exacerbated because I’d written the blog post about our night at Matinee that afternoon. One of those very conversations was fresh in my mind.

I managed to suppress all this until we walked in the door of my apartment, and then I unleashed. I told him how unacceptable his behavior was, and he was completely dumbfounded. He had no idea why I could be so enraged.

Angry BedOf course this only fed my fury. Had he forgotten all these other times we’d discussed this? Was I living a broken record? We argued extensively about this, and CK threatened to leave multiple times, making it to the door a handful of times.

We finally had a breakthrough at some point when he either feigned to understand my stance, or what I was so vehemently explaining finally sunk in.

We argued a lot about a lot of small things —Things I felt were very important. He felt I was trying to change him. I wasn’t. Honestly! I loved him. I just felt he needed to grow up in some aspects of his life. A person needs to adapt and evolve when entering a relationship, and I still wasn’t sure he was putting in the effort. I wasn’t trying to mold him into my ideal mate. I didn’t have a preconceived notion of who he should be. But, I felt there were some sacrifices he’d need to make to make me happy.

QuestioningManPerhaps I was the one who needed to change. In reality, we both needed to. Only time would tell if we could come to consensus on these types of issues.

Regardless, after fighting, we kissed and made up. Well, we more than made up. This was all followed by a lively romp in the sack. It was so incredible, we both finished at the same time for the first time. As we showered, we discussed our epic make-up sex. “And don’t think you can start picking fights with me just so we can have make-up sex buster,” I punctuated. We both had a good laugh.

No matter how much we fought, at the end of the day, I loved him. He made me happy. I loved that no matter how many times we fought, we always found a way to make up. I wanted to grow old with him, but the key word in that phrase for us would be grow…

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One Giant Misstep for Mankind

Tuesday arrived, and that meant back to work after the holiday weekend. It’s always harder to get back into the groove when you’ve been away from the office for some time. Everything takes just a little bit more effort.

That morning, CK and I woke, and although we didn’t have sex, we certainly fooled around a bit. After showering together to conserve water 😉 we got out the door at a decent hour for once. This is quite an occasion for us. It’s normally tough balancing our responsibilities and our libidos, but at times, we manage to master the scale.

We both needed a bit of help getting through the day, so a Starbucks pit stop on the way to the office was essential. We hopped in the long line waiting to order a caffeinated beverages. I would have taken mine intravenously through a central line at the door if given the option. Alas, we filled the time with chatter amongst the two of us. That is, until one of my coworkers walked by.

This wasn’t just any coworker. This was a coworker I’d been on many pitches with. She is one of the biggest names in my agency, running a global piece of business across multiple agencies. Over time, she’d grown to be a fan of mine, but not without hiccups first. Days earlier, her husband entered the hospital with heart issues. This was the first time seeing her since we heard of the incident, so I wanted to giver her space. Anyway, enough back story.

She passed me with two coffees in hand, and we said hi to each other. She sat right next to where CK and I were standing in line. When her son came and joined her at the counter, she took a second to introduce me to him. We shook hands, and they went back to enjoying their morning. In the five seconds for all this to transpire, I panicked.

I am not “out” at work. A few coworkers know I’m gay, and I assume most/the rest suspect. But, in that moment, I didn’t know how to handle the introduction of CK. He was standing right next to me, and in my panic, I acted like he didn’t exist. I failed to mention him at all.

I didn’t want to say, “Oh hi! And this is my friend, [CK].” If he’d done that to me, I would have been quite offended. We were much more than friends. This was the man I was in love with, not simply a friend.

On the other hand, I didn’t want to say boyfriend. I didn’t think that was the moment I came out to her. When the time came for me to be courageous and stand up as who I am, I was a coward.

I try to be strong and proud of who I am, but sometimes I really disappoint myself. I have tried to keep some separation between my personal and work life, but standing there with CK next to me, I should have stood proud. It didn’t matter what I said. She knew who he was in the end anyway.

CK was very upset. We’d had a discussion about my poor introduction skills over the weekend, and then I pulled that stunt. I knew instantly he was upset, and I knew I failed. I started to talk to him about it, but I could tell he was fuming. We talked about it for the rest of the time we were in Starbucks, with the exception of the moments we stood in silence because of the tension. As we walked to the subway/my office, the conversation continued as I explained what happened and how I panicked. I also explained that I wasn’t making excuses for myself, and this was something I needed to get over. I am going to be gay for the rest of my life.

In the end, he understood and accepted my apology. I asked for his patience. I have only been out for two years. He, on the other hand, has many more years on me being openly gay. I even went as far as to publicly chastise myself in Twitter that day to show him how sorry I was. Earlier in the weekend, we discussed opening our relationship up publicly to Twitter. I’d admired how @AustinWilde and @AnthyRomero send each other messages and love across Twitter. I wanted to share that with CK. We started sending each other messages publicly expressing our love for each other. When he sent out the message, “@Onegayatatime baby, i love you,” I melted a bit. As a joke, I responded, “Who is this?” He didn’t appreciate the humor, and immediately deleted the tweet. From the other room, I discovered this and asked him about it. He was angry, and I began to cry. That message meant the world to me. It was the first time he expressed his love for me in a public forum, and it was gone. Or at least I thought so. I did, however, manage to save it by screen-grabbing my phone before it was gone forever. We both took a step back and realized what happened and how much we loved each other and moved on.

That day, CK met my old coworker who left to go work at his agency. After meeting him, she reached out to me to tell me how cute he is. I was thrilled. She’d heard me talk about him quite a bit when I first met him, and now she finally got to meet him. After messing up the morning, failing to share my joy and the love of my life with a current coworker, at least I could share it with a previous one.

That night, we discussed going to an event together, but in the end we didn’t go — I think possibly out of anger for the morning. We spent the night apart. I filled my free time with a late night run. As I ran along the waterfront in Hoboken, I wondered what he was up to in the city. Any time we were separated, I wondered what he was doing with a twinge of suspicion. It was hard not to. Guys in my past treated me poorly, so my self-esteem was very low. The thought of me not being enough for him was not so far-fetched, however, I just left these at suspicions. I never acted on them or accused him of anything. They were simply figments of my imagination…

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A Night Off

CK and I had been spending a lot of time together. That’s what happens when you’re in love. But, that also means there’s a transition period where one goes from being single to being in a relationship. This transition takes some finesse. When you’re as used to being as independent as I was, it’s a serious adjustment.

I was used to working out on my own schedule. I would watch whatever TV I wanted whenever I wanted. I would go to bed when I was tired and wake up when I wanted. I would make dinner and not have to worry about catching a train to go see someone. That doesn’t go to say I wasn’t happy. Quite the contrary. It’s amazing the amount of free time I had by not hunting for a man all the time. I had an amazing man who loved me. Who could ask for more?

Wednesday morning, I woke up in CK’s bed by the sound of my alarm. I reach across him to grab it from the charger and turn it off. It’s safe to say, at that point, we were both awake, however, we were both incredibly groggy. It was hard to wake up. It’s also safe to say, with my libido, I was horny. After a few permutations of snuggling configurations, we started escalating the cuddling. This turned into grinding which led to sex.

This wasn’t exactly a quickie either. We had sex for quite some time. So much that it made us both late for work. We quickly showered and got ready to get out the door. It’s not the easiest to get ready with CK either since he’s such a distraction. I catch a glimpse of his sexy body out of the corner of my eye, and I can’t help myself. I find the gravitational pull too strong to resist, and I quickly find him in my arms with my lips traversing his neck. When he asked me what we were doing that evening, I gently pulled him away and suggested we take a night apart. “Don’t take this the wrong way! I’m not sick of you, nor am I trying to put distance in here. I just need to do my own thing tonight. I want to go for a run and do all the boring things you need to do in life that I don’t feel the need to put you through. Is that cool?” “Yea. I guess that’s fine,” he responded. I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with the idea, so I explained how a little distance may be good for us. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” I added while explaining how I was shocked I actually hadn’t grown tired of him. In the end, he agreed it was probably a good idea.

We finally made our way out the door, and he walked me to my office. I said goodbye to him with a big kiss since we were planning to take the night off.

After work, I made my way home. I took some things out of the freezer to make for myself for dinner. I was trying to eat healthier and work out more. I was starting to get pudgy again. I wanted to look hot for my man. On top of this, NYC Pride weekend was a month away. I couldn’t look like a fat mess. It was safe to say I’d be dragged somewhere I’d have to take my shirt off. I would already feel uncomfortable the way it was. Having to take my shirt off in a crowded bar would only make it more stressful.

I put on running shorts and my shoes and took off into the hot night shirtless to run along the waterfront. I felt great. It’d been a while since I worked out like that. I missed it and needed to get back to it. My body needed it too. Every song I heard made me think of Clark Kent. They made me miss him, but they also made me wonder what he was up to. Since I was still carrying around some light luggage, I have to admit I was a little worried CK may be engaged in some extra curricular activities. He gave me no real reason not to trust him, but I couldn’t quite get passed the fact I met him on Grindr. I know how I was on Grindr. I know how I’d cheated on N because of my suspicions he was cheating on me (which were rooted in fact, but still not excusable what I did). There was a small shadow of doubt in the back of my mind. In time, I would learn to fully trust him, but I was still a little broken from my previous experiences with Grindr guys.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I had nothing to do but run and think. This is why I don’t do well alone. I crawl up into my head and start causing problems. I even paused to take a picture of the Empire State Building in the NYC skyline to post to Instagram. I tagged him in the picture and sent it out to my Twitter followers. Just when I was missing CK the most, my phone started ringing. I was in the middle of my run and came to a screeching halt. I picked up, and we chatted a bit. It was very reassuring to me he wasn’t up to no good. He wanted to let me get back to my run, but I wanted to talk some more. I was happy to hear the sound of his voice. I told him how it was a dumb idea to take a night apart, but it did help me realize just how much I love him. I didn’t even want to spend one night away from him.

He asked me to send him a picture of me all sweaty and shirtless, but I declined. Instead, I dug into my pictures on my phone and sent him a sexy picture from there after we hung up. We said goodbye, and I continued on my run home.

I do find it’s necessary for parties in a couple to do their own thing sometimes. I had a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in some time because I was spending a lot of time with CK alone. I didn’t want to be one of those people who gets into a relationship and falls off the face of the earth. It was a delicate balance I needed to figure out. I hadn’t had many relationships over the span of my life, so this aspect was a bit new to me, however, I would figure it out. I had plenty of love to go around for all since CK made me the happiest man on the planet.

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From Metropolis to Hoboken

On April 20th, my blog turned one year old. I didn’t even realize the milestone was coming up until I looked back at the calendar on a whim one day. I felt the need to celebrate, but I hadn’t told Clark Kent about my blog yet. How could I tell him I wanted to celebrate something I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with him yet?

Instead, I celebrated privately with messages from friends and readers on the blog and over social media. I also had a date night planned with CK.

I invited him to come out to Hoboken for an evening ride on the bike since we weren’t able to do so the previous Sunday. This would be the first time he came out to Hoboken and would see my place. I was quite excited. I came home for work early after a pitch and made sure my place was acceptable.

He had to work slightly later and had to swing by home before he came over. It was a Friday night, and he would be spending it in my bed. As time passed, I sat on the couch patiently awaiting his arrival as the clock ticked on. I had no word from him. I tried calling, but no answer. Where was he? What was he doing? What was taking so long?

Since I was a little broken from previous relationships, my mind began to get creative with where he may have been or what/who he may have been doing. Finally, I convinced myself to put those thoughts out of my head. They weren’t born of any behavior he exhibited. They were simply a spawn of his presence on Grindr. I needed to learn to trust again. The thoughts were gone, and all I could think about was seeing him.

He finally arrived in Hoboken around 8:00. I wanted to watch the sunset with him. The way it reflects off the city skyline is breathtaking, however, the sun had completely set. We’d be taking a ride in the dark.

I picked him up on the bike at the PATH, and we set off along the waterfront to the palisades of Weehawken. I wanted to show him a spectacular view while taking the bike out for a spin. He’d been so excited about it ever since he first learned of its existence.

I really relished having him ride behind me. He pulled himself in tight against me. It was incredibly romantic, and I loved how he wrapped his arms around me. I felt like a great protector.

When we got to the palisades, we parked the bike and took a short stroll along the cliff. We talked while hugging and kissing each other with the spectacular NYC skyline in our periphery. We happened upon a family taking pictures of each other with the city in the background. He offered to take the picture so everyone could get in the shot. I thought it was incredibly sweet of him, and I fell for him a little more at that moment. Every moment with him made me want him all the more. Again, I wouldn’t let myself get too wrapped up in him. It was still early. I didn’t even know if he was interested in a relationship, let alone one with me.

After taking the picture, I told him about my desire to prank tourists in NYC. I would offer to take a picture of them. Just as I was about to snap the picture, I would turn as if to run. When they began to chase after me, I would turn around and snap a picture. It would give them a great experience and a fun story to tell for the rest of their lives, and they’d have a picture to accompany it. He thought this was brilliant and commented on his desire to do this himself.

That’s also when I told him about my life’s to-do list. I told him I wanted to share it with him later because it spoke volumes about me.

We made our way back to the bike and decided to grab dinner back in Hoboken. I knew of a great spot everyone had been telling me to check out but had not been to yet, Bin 14. We rode down the hill from the palisade and made our way back to Hoboken along the river.

I found a spot to park, and we walked to the restaurant holding hands. I wasn’t yet comfortable doing this in Hoboken, but it was something I needed to get over. I would be gay for the rest of my life. If I wasn’t okay showing affection in public, I was in for a lot of headaches going forward. Since we didn’t have a reservation, they asked if we minded sitting outside. I preferred it actually. However, this posed a new situation for me again. We would be street side, and if I wanted to show affection, all of Hoboken could see — Or at least that’s how it felt.

Slowly but surely, I got over this. I was rubbing his knee under the table and exchanging kisses over our meal. I didn’t care who was looking. I still felt a little self-conscious, but I was proud of myself for getting over this.

After discussing wine at length, we agreed upon a nice bottle of Malbec. It took us some time to figure out how to order from the tapas like menu. We still hadn’t figured out our sharing dinner groove, but it was fun to learn this together. I came to find we shared a lot of the same tastes and likes. It also helped we were both share quite an adventurous palette. We ordered a few plates and told the waiter we would continue to order until we had our fill.

The food was great, and the conversation was even better. I was still getting to know him, and I was mesmerized by his smile the entire meal. I was gaga for this guy. If it turned out he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with me, I was going to be heartbroken. I was past the point of protecting myself. I’d already cracked the candy shell. Now, I was in his hands.

We declined dessert, and I made sure to give the waiter my credit card to pay the bill before CK even had a chance to think about it. This date was going to be my treat. I liked this new system. With all the other guys I dated, we both threw down our credit cards and split everything. This felt more like dating and more like a relationship. Each date felt special because one of us was treating the other to it.

We hopped back on the bike and rode back to my apartment. When we got there, it was already fairly late, so we headed straight to my bedroom. I was just finishing removing my shoes when he shoved me backward onto my bed. Since it was up on risers, the bed shifted to the side and collapsed. He was so scared he’d broken my bed, but I assured him it was already an issue. This had already happened with N once before. I’d already been searching for a new sturdy bed not on risers, and this would be the impetus that forced me to address the issue with much more vigor.

We fixed the bed as best we could and continued to make out. It’d been a week since we were last together, so of course we were both horny for each other. I hadn’t had sex since we last saw each other, but I wasn’t sure I could say the same for him. We hadn’t crossed the monogamous relationship bridge yet, and I had no right to ask that question yet. We’d only been dating a week. One step at a time I told myself.

Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. Regardless, we found ourselves naked, and I was grinding on his backside. Our passion was elevated to a new level, and we were all over each other. I couldn’t get enough of his body — It was purely amazing. I’d never been with someone so handsome, so sexy, so fit, so sexual. He was like nothing I’d ever experienced before.

Eventually, he reached behind himself, grabbed hold of my manhood and directed it in until I found myself deep inside him. Amazing sex ensued until we both had our fill.

I was incredibly happy once again. I had a man who could come to dinner and hold a great conversation, and a man who could satisfy all my sexual desires. He was the best of both worlds.

With that, we cleaned up and climbed back into bed. I was happy to finally be sharing my bed with him. This would be the first time in a long time my California king was being put to good use. We fell asleep in each other’s arms. He was my little spoon. Throughout the night, we changed positions many times, but never fully woke up. We slept great.

When we woke in the morning, CK had to head back into the city to begin apartment hunting. He’d been putting it off and needed to put his nose to the grindstone. We stopped for a delightful breakfast at Ganache while we got to know more about each other. When we finished, we rode through the Lincoln tunnel into the city. I couldn’t drop him in front of his building because there was a parade going up his street, so we said goodbye to each other in front of the Empire State Building. I couldn’t think of a more romantic way to begin my Saturday…

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Not Tired of Me Yet?

Apologies for all you who got my draft post sent out today. I didn’t realize I had it scheduled for release before finishing it. Please disregard! And apologies for the late post today.

Back to your regularly scheduled program.

So last we left off, my Grindr friend/neighbor, who I will now call PR (short for Puerto Rican), and I were making out on my chair in my living room after a night at the bars and some Cluck U chicken.

I’m sure you’ve been wondering what happened next. Well..

After some making out, I grabbed his hand and led him to my bedroom. We had our fun letting our hands explore the other’s body. Things escalated from there until we finally dozed off for the night. He wasn’t the sexiest guy to enter my room, but we certainly had a good time together. I really enjoyed cuddling and making out with him, as well as many other things we experienced that night.

When we woke in the morning, we didn’t get out of bed. We spent a majority of the afternoon laying there spooning and cuddling and just talking. I really liked how frank he was about things. He didn’t sugar coat or try to impress me. He was being real. This is a quality I seek out in men. It’s very important.

After some time, he asked the question I knew was coming, “Soooo, are you a top or bottom?” I told him I was a top. I quickly learned he too was a top. This, of course, was followed by a long awkward pause on both our parts. I wondered in the back of my head if he was convertible. He told me it was nine years since the last time he’d done it. That left a glimmer of hope that he had done it in the past, however, nine years is a long time! Maybe this was doomed before it even got off the ground. Maybe we were simply sexually incompatible. But, I liked him. I wasn’t ready to walk away from it just based on this.

After more chatting, we started to fool around some more. Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. We orally pleased each other for some time. He felt so good. Finally, we finished ourselves off laying next to each other. It took some time for both of us. When we did, he mentioned how it takes him a long time to finish. I kissed him strongly. I told him how good it was to hear him say that since we both shared that “malady.” I was happy he was understanding.

Around 1:00, we finally got out of bed. I offered to make him breakfast. I cooked up some of my homemade sausage, eggs, avocado, English muffins, coffee, etc. This was serving as our lunch and our breakfast. We watched some TV on the couch while we ate.

Finally, he decided to head home and get ready. We made plans to go out for dinner that night. I had a Living Social I was ready to burn up at Trinity, a nice restaurant on the Hoboken waterfront.

Around 6:00, I met him on the street corner between my apartment and his friend’s apartment where he was staying for the time being. We took a leisurely stroll towards the waterfront, talking the whole way. When we arrived at the restaurant, it was closed for a private event. We decided to go elsewhere rather than wait for dinner because we were both starving. He wanted to go to East L.A. for margaritas. It sounded like a good plan, so I agreed on that.

That night, he had plans to go see a movie with one of his friends. His friend wasn’t getting back to him, so he asked if I wanted to go instead. It wasn’t a movie I was looking forward to seeing, but I had no plans and was enjoying spending time with him. I agreed to go. We talked about many other things over dinner, including the other gay date we were sitting next to. The two guys were younger and we could tell it was a date by what we saw and heard. It was very cute to see — Not something you see every day in Hoboken.

When we finished dinner, we started walking down the street towards our apartments. He decided against the movie since he was tired, so we agreed to just stay in and watch TV instead. I’d never seen the Paranormal movies, and he liked them. We decided to make a Paranormal Activity marathon night of it. We snuggled on the couch the entire night. I was very happy being in his arms, and he in mine.

When the movies were over, it was late. We decided to just go to bed, and I asked him to stay the night…

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Quite a Cast of Characters

Yesterday’s video got great reception, so I decided to include another video I came across lately thanks to Smiles. I think it’s amazing shots and a very emotional piece. On top of it, the music is spectacular! Hope you like it!

On with the story…

Monday came, and I had a very light day at work. I was hoping Smiles would ask me to grab dinner, but alas, nothing. I was always the one to initiate dates, and I needed to see if he would take the initiative for once.

I gave up all hope and went home without hearing from him. Surprisingly, while lounging on the couch in front of the TV, I received an email from Smiles. He wanted to know what I was up to for the night. I logged onto Facebook to chat with him. “They are partying in the streets below me. I’m getting cage crazy,” he typed. I forgot about the Halloween parade that was happening in his neighborhood since I didn’t partake in the Halloween festivities this year.

I responded to him, “What do you propose?” He suggested coming to me since it was so crazy where he lived. I explained I was already home, but I would come back into the city to meet him for dinner. When he learned this, he said, “Oh, no don’t do that. I thought you were still at work.” I suggested he could also come out to Hoboken, which prompted the response, “I’ll get [my friend] and keep myself entertained.” That’s not the response I was looking for. I told him I was bored and really didn’t mind coming back into the city (So much for playing hard-to-get). He told me he felt bad, but I assured him I was as close as I’d be if I were still at work.

We picked a convenient place where we could find each other in the melee of the Halloween parade. We walked around the West Village and found a cute spot to grab dinner, Hudson Corner Cafe. There was a slight wait, so we hit up the bar. Once again, I was a little taken aback by the charisma he showed everyone at the restaurant. From the host to the bar tender to the waitress. He always made it a point to be personal with them, and I found it incredibly sexy.

We ordered drinks outside our comfort zones at the bar until a table was made ready. I wasn’t 100% sure, but I thought he switched the drinks when the bartender served them. Interestingly enough, we tried the drinks the other was served. I didn’t like his, and he wasn’t thrilled with mine. When we sat at the table, we ordered another round, and the waitress clarified the confusion. It worked out well considering we liked the other’s drink better.

We ordered our food and chatted while we waited. I was surprised the conversation was flowing so  easily since I’d just seen Smiles the day before. When the food arrived, he commented on how little food I received. We split a brussel sprout salad, and he encouraged me to take a much larger portion. It was a very sweet gesture. We talked a lot about work and his aspirations. I was being very encouraging, but I also gave him my strong opinion on the situation. He was trying to find a typical office job while struggling to reinvigorate and old company he started years earlier. I knew that was his passion, and he would be very unhappy with a desk job. I told him he was at a great advantage. He didn’t have a comfortable job he wasn’t thrilled with that he was stuck with because it was a paycheck. He had the freedom to do whatever he wanted. He should just take a job to have a job. He took my advice to heart, which I really appreciated.

After dinner, we walked the streets. We passed someone in an amazing E.T. costume like I’d never seen before. We decided to grab desert at Magnolia’s Bakery before more walking. I made friends with a few British pigs in a blanket while waiting in line. We ate as we walked, and when we finished, we were near the PATH station. He asked, “What do you want to do now?” I was under the impression he was dropping me off, but that wasn’t the case. I didn’t think very quickly, but I suggested we head over to the parade and check it out.

Smiles had his camera, so we snapped a lot of pictures of some special characters along the way. We finally arrived at the parade and watched for a short while. When we had our fill, we continued on. Smiles suggested we go into a bar. This sounded like a great idea to me considering I already thought our night was going to end a while ago.

When we walked into the bar, Julius’, Smiles needed to use the facilities, so I attempted to order us drinks. For some reason I had no luck with this task. Usually this is my forte since I’m 6′ 2″. While standing there, an old man was creepily eyeing me up. He wasn’t being nonchalant about it at all. His eyes were burning a hole in me. I made NO eye contact with him, even though he was standing two feet away from me. When Smiles returned, he magically had no problem getting service. He commented I wasn’t smiling, and that’s why I wasn’t getting service. (Probably cause I felt uncomfortable).

We drank our beers and had a chat about weight. I joked about the Magnolia’s stop and the beer and how it would affect my waist. He casually made a comment about my weight. This wasn’t the first time he alluded to my size. Over the summer, I was extremely confident about my body, but once fall arrived, I put on a few pounds. By no means was I fat, but I wasn’t as sexy as I was over the summer. I asked him,”What’s your waist size?” He told me and was shocked to learn mine, 32″, was only one inch larger than his. He couldn’t believe it. I wanted to point out to him we share similar body shapes, even though I think he thought I was heftier. I made a lot of jokes about losing weight not for him, but in spite of him. I was making it a serious goal to lose weight just to prove it to Smiles I could. He looked at me with skepticism. I still couldn’t believe he was basically calling me fat, even if it was playful.

After we finished our beers, we continued to a bar he frequented, Diablo Royale. He knew the bartender quite well. We found a nice corner to stand in and chat. We took in all the costumes around the room. I remember specifically realizing I didn’t feel 100% comfortable with Smiles yet. I questioned this. We’d been dating for some time, and while I enjoyed his company, I felt I couldn’t completely relax. It was as if I was on a constant audition.

When we had our fill of the night, he walked me to the waterfront. Even more than usual, there was quite a cast of characters walking around. He pointed out a piece or property he’s had his eye on for some time he’d like to develop. I agreed with him about the possibilities for the property. That night, he was opening up to me more about work. I liked learning about that side of his life. I shared a lot of the passions he had in that respect. Finally, he walked me back to the PATH. It was 12:30, and I knew I would be heading home. This was one time I wasn’t hoping/expecting to go home with him. I had to work the next day. I was still shocked and very pleasantly surprised the date didn’t end after dinner. He gave me a kiss, and I hopped on the PATH.

He was quite sweet and affectionate that night, but we still hadn’t completely clicked. Something was still missing, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it…

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Romantic Evening in the Park

As we left dinner Saturday afternoon following the opera, we began to walk north on Columbus Ave. I had no idea where we were going or what we were about to be doing, but I had a feeling I was going to enjoy the surprise. I was already enjoying the fact that he was being romantic enough to surprise me.

Finally we stopped at the corner of 67th to pop into 67 Wine. Call me stupid, but I was in the store for a solid two minutes before I realized what his plan was. I heard Smiles ask for a cold bottle of white wine, but it wasn’t until he asked for plastic cups that I realized his intentions. Apparently he wasn’t ready for our date to end. We were a few blocks from Central Park. He must have been planning a spontaneous picnic.

It’s been a looonnnggg time since a man put that much thought or care into a date with me. I was swooning from the attention. As we walked to the park, I had a smile from ear to ear.

We passed a family with a child being slightly rambunctious, and he stated, “Yea. The jury’s still out on that one.” I didn’t let that comment fall too far before I scooped it up. On our second date, he pointed out an apartment that would be perfect for two edgy gay men to live in, implying no children. I know children is the last thing one should be thinking about on a second date, but the comment caught me off guard. Children are definitely something I want in my life at some point. Hearing that he’s still entertaining the idea was reassuring. I said to him, “What? Kids?” When he acknowledged, I pointed out how he’d be a great dad.

We entered the park by Tavern on the Green. As we walked out onto Sheep’s Meadow, there was a plethora of people out enjoying a spectacular October Saturday. There were lots of frisbees and couples, much like Smiles and I, enjoying a nice evening in the park just as the sun was setting.

We found a plot of dry grass in the middle of the open field to sit and crack open our wine. He poured each of us a glass. I sprawled out a bit and leaned back onto my elbow to get closer to him to chat. It was really shaping up to be a very special day. A day a few hours earlier I wasn’t sure would come to fruition.

Somehow we got on the subject of high school hookups, which was very interesting to hear him talk about it. When he was in high school, he dated girls exclusively, as did I. I liked that about him for some odd reason. It made him a little “less gay,” if that makes any sense. He talked about his first time. At one point, after one of his stories, we even joked about Saran Wrap being used as a contraceptive. I talked about my upbringing and family. I learned my suspicions of his parents’ divorce were true. The conversation continued though college, finally ending in the real world post college. I found out when and where his love of cars came from (He owns a Mustang from the 60s I’m dying to take a ride in… Among the other things I want to do in it). I learned a great deal about him amongst those blades of grass. I caught a glimpse into how he became the man he is today.

As the sun went down, some cuddling ensued. It wasn’t until we couldn’t see very far in front of us that we decided to leave the park. After a short pit stop at the restrooms to relieve ourselves, we made a detour to investigate where some loud drumming and music was coming from. We discovered it was an impromptu drum session/dance party the broke out in the middle of the park. We stood and observed the celebration for some time, before out of nowhere, Smiles jumped into the mix and started dancing with one of the women. I loved his spontaneous spirit and was VERY impressed with his dancing skills. I was a little taken aback actually. I couldn’t stop smiling. I wasn’t sure if he expected me to join in, but I hadn’t had enough to drink yet to get my ass in that dance circle.

When we had our fill, we walked down a darker pathway. I took the opportunity to pull him aside for a quick kiss. I laid a big one on him. We continued on towards Columbus Circle without further plans. When we neared the subway, he pulled me towards him and said, “So I have a suggestion. Let’s go back to your place, put on gym shorts, and sit on the couch and watch a movie for the rest of the night.” My face lit up with a smile, and I said, “That sounds like a spectacular idea!” With that, we made our way to Port Authority to hop on the bus.

When we arrived at my apartment, I was surprised to find my roommates home with a large group of girls smoking on the balcony after a bar-be-que. I was less than thrilled. Our night of sitting on the couch alone was going to be heavily interrupted by a pack of young girls.

We poked our heads out on the balcony and said hi before heading to my room to put on more comfortable attire. Of course some kissing and heavy petting ensued while in my room, but we made our way back out to the balcony. Smiles planted himself in the middle of the group as if he’d known them forever. He joined their conversation and gave them advice while we all smoked. When Smiles and I had our fill, we went inside to order take-out to satiate our muchies. While waiting for the food, Smiles beckoned me to my bedroom. He was hungry for sex. After the day he showed me, who was I to deny him that pleasure. And, I too was hungry for sex.

However, if you’ve read my blog, you know I prefer to top. There was a polite standoff for a short period as to who was going to hold that position. No words were said, only body positions exchanged. Finally, I found myself in a weaker position and was conquered. If you’re keeping track now, that’s two points for him, none for me. I was okay with letting him top this time, but next time was definitely mine. This wasn’t something we discussed, and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t exclusively a top, but I wasn’t ready to end it even if he was. It was a catch 22.

Warning: The following may be a little graphic for some. After some passionate time, he finished. He was continuing, waiting for me to finish. I explained to him I never finish from bottoming. I was insinuating that I normally top. I wanted to make sure he didn’t think I always liked being on my back. He understood what I was saying, but was a little shocked I never finish from bottoming. He was perplexed. This was twice now we were together where he finished, and I did not. This topic is worth a blog post on its own. Stay tuned…

We cleaned up and went back out to the kitchen just as the delivery man was buzzing. We took our food and plopped down on the couch to eat. As we settled in, the girls finally left the apartment. We decided to watch the second Transformers since Smiles had never seen it. I was happy just spending time cuddled up next to him. Being as it was a long day, I kept falling asleep on him — Literally on him. No matter how hard I struggled to stay awake, I continued to fall asleep. When the movie was ending, I awoke and felt really bad for sleeping on him.

We cleaned up our mess and made our way to the bedroom to settle in for the night. I had one of the best days I’d ever spent with another man. I slept with a smile from ear to ear that night.

When we woke in the morning, I made coffee. We sat on the couch a bit, chatting with my roommate about her night before we finally showered and made our way to brunch at Trinity along the waterfront. We sat outside, yet again enjoying the nice Indian Summer we were having. When we finished eating, I walked him to the PATH to head home. Standing in front of the PATH, I kissed him. I’d never kissed a man in broad daylight in Hoboken before — Especially not in one of the busiest intersections in all of Hoboken in front of everyone watching Sunday football at the bar across the street. I was expanding my comfort zone, and certainly for a worthwhile cause.

As I left him, I had an abundance of energy. The endorphins were flowing! I kicked myself for ever doubting his feelings towards me and put his birthday party out of my mind. With that, I all but floated home. Hopefully, things would only go up from here.

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Excuse Me Mr. Officer

I left OCMD at 8:00am. My sister drove me back to Hoboken, and we made great time. I also managed to ramble off a few blog entries on the drive. So much for getting caught up while on vacation, but at least I was somewhat productive. I spent so much time hooking up and working on my tan, there was little left for anything else.

When I arrived home, I unpacked, but not before turning Grindr back on. There were more than a few guys I was courting before I left for vacation, and I wanted to touch base with them. I either texted them or waited until they were in Grindr range.

One guy I wasn’t expecting to touch base with again was a local police officer. Originally when I started talking to him, it took a lot to get that information out of him. He and I sparred verbally on Grindr a few weeks earlier. He had a day off and had tossed around the idea of meeting up. When push came to shove, he wouldn’t meet up.

This time, he was a black box with no picture and he messaged me out of the blue, “Hey. It’s [X] the cop. Wanna meet up today?” Apparently, he was in the area and had some free time between errands. All I had to do was unpack and grab a few groceries, so I obliged. He wasn’t giving me any ideas as far as what we were going to do. I told him he could come over and hang at my apartment, but I was a little worried he would take that to mean hookup. I also suggested taking a walk. Finally, I suggested we grab a coffee and maybe take a walk along the waterfront. Within ten minutes, he was at my apartment. I hopped in his car and shook his hand. He was a cut little hispanic boy who wore his hat on the very top of his head. He even had the cute gay slight hispanic lisp. I found it endearing. We chatted a bit in the car until we found a parking space near Starbucks.

When we ordered our coffee, he tried to insist on paying for me, but I wouldn’t let him. There was no need for him to pay. I’m stubborn that way when it comes to money and people paying for me.

After we got our coffees, we took a stroll along the water. We talked about his precinct and what it means to be an officer of the law. He told me about his partner and their dynamic. He seemed like a really nice down-to-earth guy, but I didn’t feel a spark there. I enjoyed his company, but could not see a relationship between the two of us.

The conversation turned to family and then evolved into his ex-boyfriend. He explained how it ended and how devastated he was when it did. My heart broke for him a little. I don’t know why, but I’m a sucker for heartbroken guys — Big soft spot for them. When our walk was over, we hopped back in the car and he drove me home. He had errands to get to, and I needed to get myself ready for my date that evening and to go back to work the next day after a week away.

Based on our interaction, I didn’t think he was all that into me, but I sent the text message, “It was nice meeting you.” He responded, “It was nice meeting you too.” In my mind, that was the end.

Almost a month later he texted me, but it was completely in the context of a hookup. When I called him on this, he tried to spin it as friends with benefits. It was 11:00 on a Monday night, and he wanted me to travel to his place. He wanted sex, and nothing more. That’s fine. I’m not judging, but I also wasn’t into the hookups so much anymore. The conversation was very blunt and polite. But, if we hung out again, it would simply be as friends, or possibly from a phone call for him to come get me out of trouble…

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