Posts Tagged New York Sports Club
Once again I had a Friday off from work, and once again I found my libido taking over my ability to reason. I woke up that morning feeling frisky, and of course I pulled up Grindr to see who was around.
I went through a lot of guys and even started acting like all the other guys I hate on Grindr. I was skipping the pleasantries and getting right to the point. I knew I needed to find a guy who was simply looking for one thing. I didn’t want a guy who would linger or keep calling. I just wanted my libido satisfied.
I finally found a guy who seemed to be interested. He was a black man who had an amazing body. When I gave him my proposition, he surprisingly responded with a reasonable response. He didn’t normally seek out hookups, but he understood the periodic need to satiate the animal within. He wasn’t completely comfortable with just coming to my apartment and jumping into bed. He wanted to meet me in person first. I learned we both went to NYSC, so we agreed to meet at the gym and take things from there.
I get no service when I’m at the gym since it’s completely underground. I texted him just before entering “the cave” telling him what I was wearing and that I’d arrived. I worked out for nearly an hour, and he hadn’t made an appearance. I assumed he stood me up. I actually walked upstairs until I got service to exchange a few texts with him. He was on his way. I informed him I was nearly done my workout. I guess my libido was slowly fading with the endorphins of working out.
I was doing my last circuit of abs before I was ready to head out when I finally saw him emerge from the locker room. He came right over to the mat. I smiled as he approached, and he laid down next to me. He started doing sit-ups at a rapid pace — So much so that his shirt began to lift and expose his abs and the tiny shorts that barely covered him, exposing a majority of his jock strap. It certainly wasn’t anything I’d attend the gym wearing, but I could tell he was a bit of an exhibitionist.
The whole time, I waited for him to get my attention and say something, but he never did. After a few sets, he got up and walked away. I assumed he wasn’t interested. Apparently, I’d just been rejected without a word. It was quite a blow to the ego. Maybe I needed to stay at the gym a little longer.
I made my way into the locker room to change when I discovered him getting undressed right next to my locker. He was standing there in his jock strap putting his clothes into his locker when he stepped back and removed the jock as well. He was quite the “gifted” man. Of course I was sneaking a peek every chance I got. It’d been a while since I’d seen someone so “gifted” in person. It was very difficult to hide my own excitement in my gym shorts. I needed to leave before I got really excited and someone took notice.
He grabbed a towel and made his way towards the showers. It was just the tease I needed to get my engine revving again. Looks like it was going to be the computer and me when I got home.
As I left, I texted him declaring my disappointment at his lack of interest. He responded back almost immediately, “Did you leave?” I explained to him I was done my workout and thought he wasn’t interested, so I was heading home. He told me he was definitely interested, and he just didn’t want to interrupt my rhythm. He told me he’d be over in a short bit.
When he arrived, we sat on my bed chatting a bit. He was a freelance journalist over in New Jersey covering the Whitney Houston funeral. He seemed like a really intelligent down-to-earth guy. It made the hookup a little more relaxed and less transactional.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. Things started to get hot and heavy, and we both found ourselves naked enjoying each other’s embrace. After a short while, I took out a condom and some lube while he relaxed on his back. We were going at it for a little while when I accidentally slipped out of him. I wasn’t the only thing to fall out however. I sincerely hope my face didn’t show what was going through my mind at the time. This wasn’t as bad as the guy in San Francisco, but it certainly wasn’t pleasant. There was a pea-sized nugget laying on my sheets at the base of his behind. If this was going to keep happening, I was going to learn to be celibate.
I quickly improvised and suggested we continue our activities in the shower. We had some fun in there until we returned to the bed. I did my best to avoid the nugget while we both tried to finish ourselves off. Finally, I climaxed (I’m amazed I was able to with everything going on around me).
He informed me it would be a long time before he was able to finish himself. Apparently, he had similar issues to my own. I was happy in the realization my symptoms were finally lessening, and I was able to relax and finish more readily.
He got dressed, and I said goodbye to him. About ten minutes later, after immediately throwing my sheets into the washing machine, I received a text from him. He’d left a bracelet behind — And it was very important to him.
DAMNIT! I was going to have to see him again. I told him I’d bring it into the city sometime, but he suggested he would collect it over the weekend the next time we were both heading to the gym.
In the end, we needed to plan an evening for him to swing by and pick it up, but this time I told him, “No sex.” He stopped by for all of thirty seconds while I handed it to him through the door, never to be seen again.Follow @onegayatatime
I always get particularly excited when a new guy pops up on Grindr who happens to live in Hoboken. I have pretty much blocked all the gay men in Hoboken, so when a new one pops up, I notice.
One in particular messaged me and was pretty cute. In his pictures, he looked like he had a good body and seemed very nice and genuine. After we chatted a few times, we exchanged numbers and switched things over to texting.
He told me he was a trainer at NYSC, but he was on hiatus while he got a certification. In the meantime, he was working as a bartender on Fire Island. He was gone almost every Thursday through Monday. This made it very hard to find a time to meet up, but eventually we figured it out.
We decided to meet on a Tuesday evening at a Mexican restaurant in Hoboken, Charritos. I had only ever heard good things but had never been. He made a good choice. He spent the day out in the burbs of New Jersey at his friend’s pool, and he was late getting back because of rain and flooding. When he finally showed up in his ripped jeans, finely quaffed hair, tight T-shirt and leather bracelets, I knew this date was doomed from the start.
The night before I was warned about this guy. While talking to N, I learned they knew each other in passing. N had seen him working at the gym and told me he was quite effeminate. I became skeptical but open-minded at that point, but when I met this guy in person, the second he opened his mouth I was turned off. On top of that, I noticed how filled out he was. He was supposed to be a trainer. I would never go to a trainer who was that pudgy and couldn’t follow their own advice.
We sat and had a very nice dinner. We talked about coming out and our families’ reactions to the news. We chatted about work and what we do for fun. The conversation was nice, but there was no spark. He just kept looking at me with this big smile like he wanted to gobble me up. I got the feeling he was a bit lost in the world. He was openly gay, but I’m not sure if he knew how to navigate life with men. I shouldn’t talk, because I have no idea what I’m doing, but he seemed like his GPS was slightly off.
After dinner, he asked if I wanted to grab another drink somewhere. I obliged, but I should have ended the date then and there. I knew better. I clearly wasn’t interested in this guy and had an out to go home, but I felt bad for him. I felt like he needed a friend, so I stuck around. We went around the corner to Sushi Lounge and sat at the bar. We each ordered a round and continued our conversation.
Somehow the topic of the rainbow came up as a symbol for gay culture came up in conversation. I explained just how much I despised the rainbow. He was flabbergasted. He didn’t know how to react. I explained it was not something I embraced. I could understand why some people need a symbol to hold on to, but I was making every attempt to not let my homosexuality separate me from the rest of the world. I am a normal ordinary man who happens to like the company of other men. I don’t need a rainbow to broadcast who I am. On top of that, I find the rainbow aesthetically unpleasing. I could tell I really turned him off by all this, but he wasn’t going to argue.
Then the conversation turned to previous relationships. I told him about the two I had been in and the duration of each. He told me I had a longer relationship than any he’s ever had. When I asked him why, he asked the bartender for another drink. He was a broken gay man. I felt bad for him, but certainly no attraction towards him. I thought maybe I could be his friend.
After we split our tab, I walked him home. Much to my surprise, he invited me up. I have NO idea why I agreed, but I did. We sat on the couch with some wine while we watched one of the music channels. We got into a conversation about Lady Gaga. I told him I found her very inspirational and really got behind her message and what she stood for. He told me he was over her. We obviously were going to but heads, so I was about ready to leave.
At that moment, he took my wine glass, took off my shirt, and started kissing me. He was an awful kisser. All over the place. I did not want to be there making out with him. I did however feel he needed to be kissed. So, I suppose you could call it a pity kiss. After a short while, I told him I needed to go home. I had work the next day, and it was getting late. I said goodnight, and with that I was gone.
I made it as far as the bottom step of his apartment stoop when I realized I left my umbrella in his apartment. There was no way in hell I was coming back to this place to get it, nor did I really want to see him again after that night. So, I rang his apartment. He buzzed me in, and I went back up to get my umbrella. When I walked in the door, he pushed me back into a chair and mounted me. Apparently he wasn’t done. I immediately told him I needed to go. I only came back for the umbrella, not an encore. That’s when I really realized he only wanted me for my body. We didn’t have that great of conversation all night and disagreed a lot. We were obviously not compatible for a relationship, but maybe he was just horny. I was slightly offended and made my way home.
He immediately texted me: “Had a great night with you.” I didn’t respond immediately, but in the morning I texted: “I had a good time too.” After that, I was done with him. I was pleasant, but I didn’t give him hopes of a second date. He would not be a repeat offender. The next day he texted, “How was your day at work?” But, he would not get anything back from me. Once again, it was back to the dating pool…Follow @onegayatatime
When I returned from my business trip to Denver, things weren’t as they were before I left. N was slightly distant. His behavior was different. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something was definitely off.
Over the course of our time together, I noticed certain behaviors of his that raised red flags. For instance, he spent a lot of time at the gym. Now, I’ve known gym rats in my time, but I’ve never known anyone who spent quite as much time there as him. Or, at least that’s where he told me he was. Night after night, he’d spend 3+ hours lifting and doing cardio. Normally, I would appreciate such dedication, but after some of the stories he told me about what went down at the downtown Hoboken New York Sports Club, I started to get worried he might be participating (including stories of guys blowing each other in the steam room). I had no evidence or proof he was doing anything wrong, but deep down I had a suspicious feeling everything wasn’t on the level.
I really came to resent that gym. We both belonged to NYSC. I would work out in the uptown Hoboken NYSC which is newer and above ground, and I would ask him to join me. He always declined, telling me he was going downtown. I came to realize why we went downtown so much. He was getting his ego stroked, which was really getting to me. In the beginning I thought it was cute. I would call him things like princess and make noises as if I were blowing up a balloon when his head got too big. But, things started getting out of hand. He would come home from the gym bragging about the guys that checked him out. He would tell me about men slipping notes into his locker. Why he felt the need to share this information is beyond me. I belonged to the same family of gyms, and this NEVER happened to me. We are both attractive men. The difference was he was inviting it. I wasn’t jealous either. I had him. I didn’t need anyone else. I knew something had to be invited in some way from him for this to happen. Finally, I made blatant comments to him about why he went down there. It never fazed him. But if I said he goes there because he liked his ego stroked publicly, he got annoyed with me.
As I was beginning to wake up from the dream I thought was a relationship, I also noticed N spent a lot of time on Grindr. I know that’s how we met, and I have respect for the application, but it’s a death trap. It gets addicting and puts you in the constant mindset of being able to look constantly for something else, even if you’re already happy with what you have. It distances you from the process. If you were seeing a guy for a month and a half, and were walking down the street with him, you wouldn’t give another man the up-down in person. However, if you’re sitting next to the man you’ve been seeing, it’s possible to be looking at other men right in front of you without feeling guilty, which is what he was doing. He answered messages with me standing two feet away. This was a bold and brazen move I did not appreciate at all, even if he was just making friends.I was legitimately worried N was constantly seeking an upgrade model. I too was guilty. I was still talking to guys on Grindr and saying inappropriate things, but I never asked for a number or tried to meet up with any guys. It was more of an entertainment to pass the time.
These, among many other behaviors, created vast doubt in my mind of N’s faithfulness. He was new to the gay world. He didn’t know what he wanted. He just ended a long term relationship shortly before he met me. I was willing to be understanding of a lot of things since he was so new, and I was in his position one year prior. But, at this point, we’d been seeing each other for over a month and a half. For the sake of my emotional well-being, as well as my physical well-being, I couldn’t tolerate infidelity.
I started to get angry and resentful. When a guy from Hoboken started pursuing me on Grindr, I got sucked in. I immediately told him I was involved in a relationship and was purely looking for friends to hang out with. I had no one in my arsenal of gay friends other than Boston and NC. The conversation started off innocent, but then quickly escalated to a sexual nature. I was doing exactly what I accused N of in my mind. But, at this point, I was in revenge mode. I didn’t have proof he was cheating on me, but I knew it in my gut he was. Some of his stories didn’t hold up, and I caught him in lies. When there are inconsistencies, the mind will fill in the blanks and it has a tendency to run wild with possibilities. I also my actions because we never agreed we were exclusive. If he could philander, so could I. So when this guy asked if we could meet at my apartment for a quicky after work, I obliged.
I raced home that day and showered. Shortly after, he knocked on my door and came in. We went into my bedroom and chatted before making out. Then things got hot and heavy. It was quick but satisfying. This guy knew I was in a relationship with a guy across the street, and I told him to be discreet. So basically, I was using him for his body, and that’s it. This was a one-time gig to level the emotional playing field with N in my mind.
This isn’t who I am. I dated Broadway for ten months without cheating on him once. The thought never crossed my mind. And, he was my first gay relationship, just as I was N’s. I hated N for making me feel this way. It’s what drove me to “cheat” in the first place. But he didn’t make me do it. I did it of my own accord. Now, I know technically I didn’t do anything wrong, as we were never exclusive, but I broke my own moral code. I let myself down. I have to take responsibility for that. I did that and no one else. I didn’t like who I was becoming. And, I’m sorry and I was wrong!
That night, N was busy and didn’t spend the night. A big part of me wondered whose bed he slept in that night, but who am I to talk? I was happy, because while I wanted to seek revenge for N’s suspected cheating, I couldn’t fathom him sleeping on the same sheets I had sex with another man on. However, that night I slept on clean sheets in my bed sharing only with my guilt and my regret.Follow @onegayatatime