I guess I’ve known I was gay for a long time. But I was in denial. You see the perfect family all over the media and in real life, and you think to yourself how badly you want that. You convince yourself that being gay is something you can overcome or ignore. Then you come to a breaking point.
I don’t exactly know when it is I realized that I was gay. I can think back to freshmen year in high school and remember being attracted to guys and checking them out in the locker room. I’m sure it goes further back. I never acted on these feelings however. Not for 26 years.
This is where my story begins.
A friend of mine introduced me to the amazing website chatroulette.com. I checked it out and found it was quite addictive… Anonymously chatting with strangers around the world. From there, I discovered manroulette.com, and I was hooked. I finally found an outlet to talk to other gay men anonymously and even have a little “fun.”
After weeks on the site I started talking to a guy who lived in New York. Living in Hoboken, it was interesting to think that this guy was just across the river sitting in his apartment in front of his webcam. We chatted a bit, mostly about how sexy the other looked, and then of course, we jacked off together. It was hot, and I wanted to keep the “conversation” going.
We exchanged info and started skyping a few nights a week. I found myself looking forward to our sessions more and more. We started to talk more about our personal lives. Slowly, brick by brick he disassembled the wall I spent the past 26 years building. Finally I told him my real name and how close to him I lived.
At this point, he asked, “Why haven’t we met?”
So I questioned myself and thought… Why the hell not!? It’s been 26 years and I’ve been putting on the charade. What do I have to lose? So I made the jump off the cliff and never looked back.
We set up a time for me to meet him outside work, and took a nice stroll back to his apartment. Once there he poured me a glass of wine and we sat on the couch talking for hours. I was so nervous I spilled my red wine. Luckily, the couch was red as well…
After quite a bit of good conversation, he made his move. It was great. He was an amazing kisser, and I really started to enjoy myself. (Later we would talk about this and he pointed out how he noticed just how much I was enjoying it).
After a passionate make-out session, we took things to the bedroom. Things got heavy and clothes came off, and we truly began to explore each other’s bodies. There was no penetration, but that was ok. I was just getting my feet wet (and some other things as well).
I spent the night, and in the morning he made me breakfast. We really had a connection and decided that we would definitely see each other again…
#1 by Mark Littel on August 29, 2011 - 2:54 PM
Just ran across your blog. Very interesting reading. 🙂 I had been married a while by the time I was 26 and had a kid, so figuring it out now puts you ahead of the game. I recently came out to my wife and family… in my mid 30s. It has been extremely difficult, but so the right thing to do. I look forward to reading more about you life and new adventures.
#2 by stikom2D on October 1, 2011 - 12:50 AM
i’m 29, new to all this and really appreciate you sharing your story. i wish it were easier, i hate being the only person i know who’s bi/gay. just found grindr 2 weeks ago and seems everyone just wants sex. its encouraging to hear your success story 🙂
#3 by One Gay at a Time on October 3, 2011 - 10:48 AM
It gets easier. You’ll find in the gay world, 75% of the guys are just looking for sex. You have to sort though and work a little harder, but you can find some really quality guys out there who are looking for the same things you are. Trust me, if you read on, you’ll see how much of a roller-coaster it can be, but in the end you’re better for it. Good luck! And, keep reading! 😉
#4 by TheFirstWriter on October 29, 2011 - 5:07 PM
My story is very similar to yours. I started using menschats.com which is a simillar ‘service’ where you webcam and text randoms. Except my best friends intervened before I went all the way with guys and down that road. I think those sites just offer a way of inflating ego so you go and do things you wouldn’t normally do. I’d agree, most guys are looking for sex but there are definitely some awesome guys out there.
#5 by One Gay at a Time on October 30, 2011 - 9:23 PM
I’m not big on gay bars. In fact, I stay away from them 99% of the time, so digital connections are my only source for finding men to date. I’ve had a couple work out really well. You’d be surprised what you can find, but you have to be willing to put in a lot of work!
#6 by Jon from Toronto on January 29, 2016 - 11:11 AM
I forget how I stumbled upon your blog but I’m already looking forward to it.
I, too, am a late bloomer so I can relate; first uttering the words “I’m gay” at 24, and acting on these feelings at 25.
I’m glad your first guy was great. I remember mine being an amazing kisser 🙂