Posts Tagged PDA

Great Story, No Climax

Things weren’t exactly progressing smoothly in my mind between Smiles and I. In fact, things weren’t progressing at all when I come to think of it.

Instead of abandoning my relationship with him, I decided to put forth greater effort to ensuring its success. I’m not one to quit without a fight, so when Smiles texted me to ask how my day was going, I was quite elated. I told him it was going well and was anxious for work to be over. We made plans to go to dinner that evening after work. I was looking forward to it and was ready to make sure it wasn’t a repeat of our last date.

In turn, I asked him about his day, and he responded with an explanation. I explained I wouldn’t be done work until a little later, and I wasn’t sure exactly what time that would be. One of my coworkers was dragging his feet, and my day was beginning to drag on. It was a Friday, and I wanted nothing more than to see Smiles after a long day.

Smiles was running errands in my neighborhood and called when he was finished. I had a feeling I would be done shortly, but there really was no telling when I’d finish. Smiles occupied himself for some time. When he called again to check in on me, I was able to tell him I was about to be walking out the door. He was about to hit up Barracuda to have a drink with his bartender friends, but instead, we picked a place to meet.

I snuck up on him on the street and startled him with a big hug. We exchanged a kiss and started to walk towards Chelsea. We quickly found a spot to grab dinner. Smiles wasn’t drinking, but I certainly needed a drink. I ordered a glass of wine and took a big swig. I’d been talking up a storm from the time we kissed on the street. I was going to make sure the conversation flowed like a waterfall. He was well engaged all throughout dinner at Bar Baresco. I really felt very comfortable with him and was appreciating his company greater. It was night and day difference from the last date we had. I was realizing why I fell for him in the first place. No awkward pauses. No blank stares.

During my workday, I began drafting plans to build my new closet since I was moving. Smiles had much experience in this sort of thing, so I asked him for advice and to look over my plans. He gave his suggestions, and I appreciated his advice.

When we finished dinner, we hit up Barracuda. Smiles suggested it because he figured we’d say hi to his friends. When we arrived there, we found they weren’t working. Smiles ordered us two drinks. After relieving myself, we found a quiet corner to tuck ourselves in to sit and chat.

We discussed age and the ability to hang. He talked about how he used to be able to go out all the time all night long. We talked about growing older and looking forward to staying in and sitting on the couch on a Friday night.

We were growing even closer. As time progressed, I realized he was growing weary. I asked if he would like to get out of there, and he gladly obliged, but not before we played around with his scarf in about 20 different permutations around his neck and head.

As we walked outside, I proposed coming back to his place with him. He agreed. I thought I was sending a pretty clear signal of my intentions. We walked over to Seventh Avenue to hail a cab to no avail. I was not properly dressed for the weather. I was freezing. The Smiles did one of the sweetest things. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm. I reached up and grabbed his arms and brought him in closer. It was extremely romantic, and I wasn’t about to let this moment run away from me. It took a long time to get a cab, but I was relishing every second.

When we finally hailed one, we hopped in. He extended his hand beckoning for mine. He was winning me over big time! It was a complete 180. I was thrilled with his new-found affections. It painted a clearer picture of his true feelings for me. He was still interested in me. I was thrilled.

When we arrived at his place, he started cleaning. I kept yelling at him to stop. I didn’t care about the condition of his apartment. I would have liked to think of myself no longer as company, and more as companion. He sat on the couch, and I sat on his computer chair facing him while we chatted. After a while, I realized how ridiculous this setup was. I aimed to remedy it. I got up, walked over to the couch, moved the pile of papers from it, and sat next to him. He looked slightly uncomfortable by this, and I couldn’t fathom why.

He suggested we move to the bed. My goal was being accomplished. I was all too happy to move things to the bedroom. We climbed onto his bed. We talked and then began hugging each other. This morphed into spooning.

I was happy and hoping this would progress to sex, but I was sorely mistaken. After spooning for about ten seconds, he had his fill. He was ready to go to bed, and apparently I wasn’t part of that scenario. He went to brush his teeth, and was giving me all the signals it was time for me to go.

We said goodnight and exchanged a kiss at the door. Yet another night without sex. It was an enigma to me. I couldn’t figure him out. He spent the earlier portion of the night being utterly sweet and affectionate, but when it came time to end the night, the sparks were quickly doused.

I wished the night ended on a more positive note. I would have liked to go home a happy satisfied man, but yet again, I was debating in my head Smiles’ attraction to me…

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Awkward Silence

Yet another video I’d like to share. This one is a music video for one of my new favorite groups, Duck Sauce. Great song and love the sexual connotations, but may not be safe for work depending on what you do.  Enjoy!

On with the story…

Every Tuesday in Hoboken is free movie night if you have Cablevision’s triple play. I do not, but I have some very generous friends who do, and they lend me their card when they’re not using it.

I asked Smiles if he wanted to catch a movie and dinner. He told me he could possibly do dinner, but there was no way he could do the movie. He had to be up at 6:30 the following morning for a work meeting, so spending the night in my bed was off the table.

While I was finishing up work, he was moving his final boxes into his storage unit from Harlem. I agreed to help him when I arrived downtown, but when I got there, he was already finished.

I walked him back to his apartment. We talked about his day on the walk. I waited while he showered and changed after loading and unloading all those boxes to go to dinner.

While he was moving the boxes, both his parents called, separately. He was a little worried, so on the way to the restaurant, he dialed his mother. Smiles said he needed to walk a while, so we kinda just went for a stroll. We talked a little about work and how he got to where he is today. We stopped in a few stores on the way. We were walking for over a half hour before we settled on a spot to grab some grub.

We settled on Peels. When he returned to the table after washing his hands, the conversation was very dry. There were many long awkward pauses throughout the night. I struggled to think about anything we could to talk about. Nothing. I didn’t know what to do. We continued to eat in silence. It was incredibly awkward. I was so worried we’d hit that point already where we had nothing to talk about. I was petrified.

Was he distracted by the phone calls? Did something happen? Who knows?

When we finished eating, we paid the bill and began walking back toward his place and the PATH. We ran into a friend along the way, and Smiles chatted with him for a short while after barely introducing me. After we left the friend, he explained who he was and how close a friend he is. I was a little surprised. If he was such a good friend, then why was he so casual when introducing me. Maybe I didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me. Maybe I was putting too much of myself out there too soon. We’d been dating for a month and a half. I thought we’d be closer knit at this point, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I had different expectations.

As we walked, he told me he was tired and a bit out of it. This wasn’t news to me after the awkward dinner we just had. He walked me to a crossroad and said goodbye. When I went in for a kiss, I barely received anything in return. It was almost like a child begrudgingly accepting a kiss from a grandparent. I felt like a piece of sh*t.

As I walked by myself to the PATH, I wondered if this thing had run its course. How much longer were we going to go before he fully opened up to me? — Before I didn’t have to wonder where I stood with him? I was tired of the uncertainty. It was dragging me down.

I needed to talk to someone, so I called Boston. No answer as usual. College always gets in the way of our friendship!

Next, I called LES to see what he was up to. No answer, so I left a message.

Then I texted the Principal just to say hi and see how he was doing. When I came above ground on the other side of the Hudson River, I received a response from him. We texted back-n-forth for the remainder of my walk home. When I got to my apartment, I immediately climbed into bed. I was depressed. This relationship was looking pretty bleak. Silence at dinner and an awkward kiss goodnight. Once again, maybe he just wasn’t into me.

The Principal and I continued to text over the next hour while I watched some TV. I explained to him I still had some feelings for him, however, the distance thing just wouldn’t work out for me. Apparently, I opened up a can of worms there. He really did miss me. I’m not sure why I felt the need to reach out to the Prinicpal that night. I thought I passed that chapter in the story. I think I did it for selfish reasons because I needed to feel wanted again. I knew the Principal would provide that for me. Looking back, I never should have done that.

In my mode of depression, I also responded to one of the guys who had hit me up on OKCupid. I asked him if he wanted to grab a drink sometime. I was taking my friends’ advice. I wasn’t going to put all my eggs in one basket. The guy responded, and we scheduled a date for the following night…

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Happy to See Him Happy

In continuing with sharing fun videos I come across, I thought I’d share this one. After reading Anthony Romero’s comment on Twitter, “Siri, tell my wife I’m gay,” I thought I’d heard the funniest Siri reference. (BTW, follow the porn star couple, @AnthyRomero and @AustinWilde on Twitter, they’re very entertaining!) Then this video came along and made me laugh so hard I cried… You may have already seen it, but I hope you like it!

On with the story…

On the night following my conversation with Smiles to bring him back from the edge, he had a film screening in New York City. This was the same film I had traveled out to the Hamptons to view. But, that was a dry run of sorts. The New York City premier was the real deal. Smiles was stressing about all the last minute details, and who could blame him?

I didn’t talk to or text him that day. I knew he’d be busy. Long ago, I made plans to attend the screening. Even though I’d seen it, I wanted to be supportive. I wanted to prove to him I cared about him and wanted him to be successful. And, if he wasn’t, I would still be there.

When I arrived, there was a small line forming. They weren’t allowing anyone in until 7:00. I stood in line patiently while optimistically telling him there was a decent line forming outside stretching to the corner.

When they finally let us in, I found Smiles. As per usual these days, I didn’t get a kiss. We said hi and chatted about our days quickly and the set up of the film. Shortly thereafter, his friend arrived and we were introduced. The friend was very familiar and quite attractive, and then I learned he was at the birthday gathering weeks earlier. The three of us chatted a while, but Smiles hadn’t seen him in a while, so they dominated the conversation.

After some time, one of Smiles’ cast mates came over to talk to him. He was introduced to the two of us. While conversing, he asked us, “So how do you know [Smiles]?” Just then, my phone rang, and I didn’t have to answer the question. I politely excused myself and answered the call. It was A. Her plans for the night fell through, and she was able to come to the screening. I talked details with her and returned to the conversation, but it had already moved on. I didn’t have to answer the question, but I also didn’t get to hear Smiles answer the question. It would have answered if we’d made progress since the last time that question was posed and would give me insight as to where I stood with him.

I didn’t jump right back into the conversation between Smiles and his friend. Instead, I leaned against the bar, drank my drink, and took in the whole scene. In my peripheral hearing, I heard the friend ask Smiles, “So, you dating anyone these days?” My ears perked up. Now I would get my answer!

“Yeah. This shy little guy over here,” he said as he pulled me closer.  I must have had a smile from ear to ear. “Oh,” said the friend. “I was going to ask who brought the kid? he joked. Shortly after, Smiles had to run to take care of other things. I was left to talk to the friend, and we got along great. He’s a really nice guy. When A arrived, I introduced the two of them.

It wasn’t long before the film was about to begin. Just before we were about to sit, I grabbed Smiles and reminded him to have fun. Too many times he worried about things and forgot to enjoy them as well. We grabbed three seats (Smiles was sitting elsewhere) and settled in before the film started. A leaned over and said to me, “He’s really cute! You should totally go after him.” She’s such a bad influence sometimes! Just before the movie started, I leaned over to the friend and asked him if he knew Smiles was in the film as well. He too had no idea. Apparently I wasn’t the only one he didn’t tell that detail to.

The movie was actually better the second time around. It also helps when you watch it with a packed house. The premier was so successful, they had to bring out extra chairs. I was so proud of Smiles and happy for him. When the movie ended, they had a little “Inside the Actors’ Studio” moment with a few questions and explanations. He looked comfortable yet slightly embarrassed on stage. It was cute to see him a little vulnerable.

Afterwards, he came up to me and planted a big kiss on me. I was a little shocked. I was so happy to see him so happy. He needed a break like this! For the rest of the night, he was floating around being a social butterfly. I hung out with A until she had to leave. At that point, I held my own being alone. Smiles would come and snag me periodically to make sure I was okay and to semi celebrate. He was being very affectionate and quite publicly. I rather enjoyed it!

One of the girls in the film was in attendance and was also working for a show on HBO. I had just watched the episode she was in at work to kill time before the screening, so I took the time to pull her aside and chat with her. She asked if I knew anyone in the film. When I told her I knew Smiles, she had nothing but amazing things to say about him. Once again, I was so proud of him.

The the crowd was thinning out, Smiles ran out on the dance floor and started dancing with the star of the film while one of the bands in the film played music. He noticed I was standing by the bar. He came running over, grabbed my hand, and drug me out on the floor with him. I was having fun.

When he finished his business and wrapped up, we left together, but not before he introduced me to the star of the film. We walked to nearby Pop Burger for dinner. We were drinking all night on an empty stomach, and Smiles’ tolerance is much lower than mine. We ordered food and sat to eat it. I had never heard of a shrimp burger, so I ordered that.

While we sat, I made fun of his clamshell phone, taking pictures of it and tagging him in the photo on Facebook.

I called for the car service from work and had them pick me up to take me home. Shhh. Since Smiles lives on the way to the tunnel, we dropped him off in front of his building. He climbed over me to get out of the car and gave me a kiss goodnight. I went home a happy man. I made a lot more progress that night. Dare I say it? I think I was in a relationship at that point???

I went home and climbed into bed with a big grin on. However, the grin didn’t last long. Just my luck, I woke up with food poisoning in the middle of the night. I spent a majority of the night in the bathroom and did not get much sleep. I went from having a very happy night to a miserable one in no time…

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Quite a Cast of Characters

Yesterday’s video got great reception, so I decided to include another video I came across lately thanks to Smiles. I think it’s amazing shots and a very emotional piece. On top of it, the music is spectacular! Hope you like it!

On with the story…

Monday came, and I had a very light day at work. I was hoping Smiles would ask me to grab dinner, but alas, nothing. I was always the one to initiate dates, and I needed to see if he would take the initiative for once.

I gave up all hope and went home without hearing from him. Surprisingly, while lounging on the couch in front of the TV, I received an email from Smiles. He wanted to know what I was up to for the night. I logged onto Facebook to chat with him. “They are partying in the streets below me. I’m getting cage crazy,” he typed. I forgot about the Halloween parade that was happening in his neighborhood since I didn’t partake in the Halloween festivities this year.

I responded to him, “What do you propose?” He suggested coming to me since it was so crazy where he lived. I explained I was already home, but I would come back into the city to meet him for dinner. When he learned this, he said, “Oh, no don’t do that. I thought you were still at work.” I suggested he could also come out to Hoboken, which prompted the response, “I’ll get [my friend] and keep myself entertained.” That’s not the response I was looking for. I told him I was bored and really didn’t mind coming back into the city (So much for playing hard-to-get). He told me he felt bad, but I assured him I was as close as I’d be if I were still at work.

We picked a convenient place where we could find each other in the melee of the Halloween parade. We walked around the West Village and found a cute spot to grab dinner, Hudson Corner Cafe. There was a slight wait, so we hit up the bar. Once again, I was a little taken aback by the charisma he showed everyone at the restaurant. From the host to the bar tender to the waitress. He always made it a point to be personal with them, and I found it incredibly sexy.

We ordered drinks outside our comfort zones at the bar until a table was made ready. I wasn’t 100% sure, but I thought he switched the drinks when the bartender served them. Interestingly enough, we tried the drinks the other was served. I didn’t like his, and he wasn’t thrilled with mine. When we sat at the table, we ordered another round, and the waitress clarified the confusion. It worked out well considering we liked the other’s drink better.

We ordered our food and chatted while we waited. I was surprised the conversation was flowing so  easily since I’d just seen Smiles the day before. When the food arrived, he commented on how little food I received. We split a brussel sprout salad, and he encouraged me to take a much larger portion. It was a very sweet gesture. We talked a lot about work and his aspirations. I was being very encouraging, but I also gave him my strong opinion on the situation. He was trying to find a typical office job while struggling to reinvigorate and old company he started years earlier. I knew that was his passion, and he would be very unhappy with a desk job. I told him he was at a great advantage. He didn’t have a comfortable job he wasn’t thrilled with that he was stuck with because it was a paycheck. He had the freedom to do whatever he wanted. He should just take a job to have a job. He took my advice to heart, which I really appreciated.

After dinner, we walked the streets. We passed someone in an amazing E.T. costume like I’d never seen before. We decided to grab desert at Magnolia’s Bakery before more walking. I made friends with a few British pigs in a blanket while waiting in line. We ate as we walked, and when we finished, we were near the PATH station. He asked, “What do you want to do now?” I was under the impression he was dropping me off, but that wasn’t the case. I didn’t think very quickly, but I suggested we head over to the parade and check it out.

Smiles had his camera, so we snapped a lot of pictures of some special characters along the way. We finally arrived at the parade and watched for a short while. When we had our fill, we continued on. Smiles suggested we go into a bar. This sounded like a great idea to me considering I already thought our night was going to end a while ago.

When we walked into the bar, Julius’, Smiles needed to use the facilities, so I attempted to order us drinks. For some reason I had no luck with this task. Usually this is my forte since I’m 6′ 2″. While standing there, an old man was creepily eyeing me up. He wasn’t being nonchalant about it at all. His eyes were burning a hole in me. I made NO eye contact with him, even though he was standing two feet away from me. When Smiles returned, he magically had no problem getting service. He commented I wasn’t smiling, and that’s why I wasn’t getting service. (Probably cause I felt uncomfortable).

We drank our beers and had a chat about weight. I joked about the Magnolia’s stop and the beer and how it would affect my waist. He casually made a comment about my weight. This wasn’t the first time he alluded to my size. Over the summer, I was extremely confident about my body, but once fall arrived, I put on a few pounds. By no means was I fat, but I wasn’t as sexy as I was over the summer. I asked him,”What’s your waist size?” He told me and was shocked to learn mine, 32″, was only one inch larger than his. He couldn’t believe it. I wanted to point out to him we share similar body shapes, even though I think he thought I was heftier. I made a lot of jokes about losing weight not for him, but in spite of him. I was making it a serious goal to lose weight just to prove it to Smiles I could. He looked at me with skepticism. I still couldn’t believe he was basically calling me fat, even if it was playful.

After we finished our beers, we continued to a bar he frequented, Diablo Royale. He knew the bartender quite well. We found a nice corner to stand in and chat. We took in all the costumes around the room. I remember specifically realizing I didn’t feel 100% comfortable with Smiles yet. I questioned this. We’d been dating for some time, and while I enjoyed his company, I felt I couldn’t completely relax. It was as if I was on a constant audition.

When we had our fill of the night, he walked me to the waterfront. Even more than usual, there was quite a cast of characters walking around. He pointed out a piece or property he’s had his eye on for some time he’d like to develop. I agreed with him about the possibilities for the property. That night, he was opening up to me more about work. I liked learning about that side of his life. I shared a lot of the passions he had in that respect. Finally, he walked me back to the PATH. It was 12:30, and I knew I would be heading home. This was one time I wasn’t hoping/expecting to go home with him. I had to work the next day. I was still shocked and very pleasantly surprised the date didn’t end after dinner. He gave me a kiss, and I hopped on the PATH.

He was quite sweet and affectionate that night, but we still hadn’t completely clicked. Something was still missing, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it…

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Fillet Mignon and Baked Potatoes

After breakfast at the hotel, we got back on the road to my great-aunt’s house in Mount Vernon to drop off the keys and make our way home. It was surprisingly fast.

I was really disappointed I never got to chat much with the bride. It’d been years since I’d last seen her, and we only speak on the phone about once every four or five months.

During the whole ride, I had a lot of time to think. For me, this is deadly. When I have time to think, I crawl up into my own head and start digging around where I shouldn’t be digging — This is why I lead such an active lifestyle. Thinking depresses me.

A lot of thoughts about Smiles were going through my head. I was a little hurt and upset my advances were rejected in the morning. I also was very disappointed I didn’t get to grab brunch with him. Overall, I guess you could technically deem the weekend with him a success, but I still wasn’t thrilled. I was on unstable ground. I had no idea where I stood with him, and it was getting to me. As usual, I was over-thinking everything.

When we got back to Hoboken, we stopped at the grocery store. I decided to call Smiles to see if he wanted to come over that night. I wanted to make him a nice home-cooked meal since he never cooks for himself. We always go out for dinner or order take-out. He agreed to come by. I also had ulterior motives. I wanted make-up sex for Saturday morning when I was denied.

That evening, when he got off the PATH, I hopped on the motorcycle and rode down to pick him up. I was happy to finally get him out on the bike. He’d been on one before, so it wasn’t as exciting as the first time I’d taken motorcycle virgins on the bike, but it was nice to have him so close to me. We rode back to my apartment with his arms tightly around me. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I started us off with some artichokes while the fillets finished grilling and the rest of the meal finished cooking. I made more food than the two of us could possibly finish. When we had our fill, I cleaned up, and we made our way to my bedroom for the night. He asked if he’d be spending the night. “Of course you’re spending the night! Did you think I was going to kick you out now?” I responded. “I don’t know. Some people need their rest before Monday morning,” he said. I reminded him the size of the California king bed and assured him he wouldn’t disturb my slumber. If anything, he would enhance it.

Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. I started getting frisky. After not getting any the morning before, I was even more geared up for some great sex. We undressed each other and jockeyed for position once again. I wasn’t making the same mistake again. I made sure I was in position to top this time. When I pulled out my night-stand drawer to get a condom and some lube, he made a comment about the large dinner and not sure it was a good idea. I surrendered, and we decided to use alternate methods. He climbed on top and used his hand behind his back. I was impressed with his ingenuity and his willingness to try alternate methods. However, it wasn’t quite enough for me. It felt great, but I couldn’t quite get over the final hump, as is my issue often.

We stopped and just enjoyed each other’s bodies laying next to each other before we both cleaned up and hopped into bed.

When I woke in the morning, I snuck quietly into my bathroom to shower so he could fall back asleep. If he wanted, I was going to let him sleep as long as he wished and just pull the door shut behind him. However, he had a few things he wanted to get to Monday morning, so he joined me on my morning commute.

We casually walked to the PATH and hopped on. When the time came for him to get off, we exchanged a quick kiss. A lot was going through my mind before that. I was a little afraid to do it because I knew all eyes would be on me as soon as he got off. However, I was the one who initiated it. It was subconscious, but I wasn’t going to let fear of others’ reactions rule my actions anymore. I didn’t care who knew I was gay anymore.

I rode the rest of the way to work not making eye contact with others. I wasn’t 100% comfortable in my own skin, but I was still growing with every day. Things were progressing nicely with Smiles, and they could only get better with added confidence.

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Central Park Loop

After my amazing date with Smiles Saturday into Sunday, I was in heaven. Of course that only means I couldn’t wait to see him again! I had to keep cool. I couldn’t get all mushy on him already.

Before it arrived, I knew Monday would be hell for me. We had a pitch early Tuesday morning, so I would be working straight into the night on Monday to finish preparing. I was right. I barely had time to shoot him a text. Smiles also had a busy day, as a friend was in town with whom he needed to talk business. I typed, “Hey sexy man… Any chance I can interest you in dinner tomorrow or Wed night?” He responded, “Working out my schedule. [My friend] hasn’t told me what his is yet…” I told him to keep me posted. My schedule was fluid.

Following the pitch Tuesday morning, my team came back into the city and went out to lunch at Keen’s. I ate a whole lot more than I needed to.

After lunch, I went back to the office, and called it an early day. My boss told me to go home, but I had other ideas. I called Smiles to see if he’d be interested in a run in Central Park. We’d talked about running together once before, and I rather liked the idea. It worked out well when I called. I explained I was finished work for the day. He happened to be free and was up for the idea. We planned to meet at Columbus Circle in a half hour.

I ran up to the park from my office rather than taking the subway because I thought it might be quicker. I was already regretting such a big lunch. When he arrived, I walked up to him and gave him a light kiss. We walked into the park as we talked about the time passed since we last saw each other. I liked this conversation. He seemed to be opening up, and the relationship seemed to continue to grow.

Once we got to a running path, we picked up the pace. We chatted as we ran. I know it’s not the most romantic thing for two men to do together, but we both are very active. He runs triathlons regularly, and being a division I college swimmer, I try to stay in shape every chance I get.

I learned a lot about his plans with the visiting friend. I gave him some of my thoughts on his proposal, but he clearly knew what he was doing. He’s a very smart and entrepreneurial guy. I love that about him.

As we ran, the connection seemed to drop off. The conversation started to feel a bit forced. There were awkward pauses, and periods of silence, searching for something to talk about. Looking back, I feel like he was distracted. I don’t think he was fully present since he had so much on his mind.

We ran a good distance, but we clocked only an average pace. Neither of us had run in a few weeks. At one point, we needed to stop so he could take a phone call. That phone call turned into three because he had to take care of something from one of his projects. We were walking again while he talked. I didn’t feel it was rude, because he was working. It wasn’t even 5:00 yet. I had to respect that. But, it wasn’t what I had in mind when I called him to get out for a run.

When he finished his calls, we began to run again. As we neared where we entered the park, we cooled down by walking. Somehow we got on the topic of my size 14 feet. He was gibing me and poking fun at them. “There will be no drag for you! Not unless you are G.I. Jane.” I laughed. The thought of size 14 high heels was hilarious.

I suggested we go into the Time Warner Center so I could relieve myself. He agreed as we joked about the fat naked statues that adorn the lobby. He told me he wanted to take a picture of me molesting it. I declined, but we still joked about it for some time.

Smiles hadn’t had lunch, so after the bathroom, he was looking to grab a quick bite. We descended into Whole Foods and he whipped up a salad. We found a table so he could eat and I could sip on my iced tea to rehydrate. I was enjoying sitting there just watching him. He caught me a few times, and we exchanged flirtatious glances. Since he made fun of my feet, I found a gentle way to make fun of his hair, or lack thereof. He shaves his head, and he took my jokes with a smile. I didn’t have room to talk however, as my hair is receding as well. I’ve just done a good job of hiding it. We were having fun poking fun at each other.

He looked wiped out. He was supposed to be meeting his friend that evening for dinner. He got a text to come to his friend’s hotel for drinks before they went out. He was torn. He was entertaining the idea of going back into the park to take a nap. I told him he needed real rest before he went out, or he’d be no fun. I suggested he decline drinks at the hotel with his friend so he could take a nap and be more of a human being for the rest of the night. (By the way, I wasn’t worried at all about this friend. I’d seen pictures, and he certainly was not the type one hooks up with). Smiles agreed with me, and we made a move for the door.

When we got upstairs, we were heading in separate directions. I asked him for more details about his upcoming film screening in the Hamptons in conjunction with the film festival. I was heading out there for a wedding that same weekend, so I contemplated supporting him by attending the screening of a feature film he worked on. I was still feeling him out to see if he actually wanted me there, or if I was going to be in the way or a distraction. We exchanged a quick kiss, and I said goodbye.

The run hadn’t gone exactly as I planned, but it was still nice to get to spend time with him again. I always relish getting to see him and his smile. It never fails to brighten my day.

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Romantic Evening in the Park

As we left dinner Saturday afternoon following the opera, we began to walk north on Columbus Ave. I had no idea where we were going or what we were about to be doing, but I had a feeling I was going to enjoy the surprise. I was already enjoying the fact that he was being romantic enough to surprise me.

Finally we stopped at the corner of 67th to pop into 67 Wine. Call me stupid, but I was in the store for a solid two minutes before I realized what his plan was. I heard Smiles ask for a cold bottle of white wine, but it wasn’t until he asked for plastic cups that I realized his intentions. Apparently he wasn’t ready for our date to end. We were a few blocks from Central Park. He must have been planning a spontaneous picnic.

It’s been a looonnnggg time since a man put that much thought or care into a date with me. I was swooning from the attention. As we walked to the park, I had a smile from ear to ear.

We passed a family with a child being slightly rambunctious, and he stated, “Yea. The jury’s still out on that one.” I didn’t let that comment fall too far before I scooped it up. On our second date, he pointed out an apartment that would be perfect for two edgy gay men to live in, implying no children. I know children is the last thing one should be thinking about on a second date, but the comment caught me off guard. Children are definitely something I want in my life at some point. Hearing that he’s still entertaining the idea was reassuring. I said to him, “What? Kids?” When he acknowledged, I pointed out how he’d be a great dad.

We entered the park by Tavern on the Green. As we walked out onto Sheep’s Meadow, there was a plethora of people out enjoying a spectacular October Saturday. There were lots of frisbees and couples, much like Smiles and I, enjoying a nice evening in the park just as the sun was setting.

We found a plot of dry grass in the middle of the open field to sit and crack open our wine. He poured each of us a glass. I sprawled out a bit and leaned back onto my elbow to get closer to him to chat. It was really shaping up to be a very special day. A day a few hours earlier I wasn’t sure would come to fruition.

Somehow we got on the subject of high school hookups, which was very interesting to hear him talk about it. When he was in high school, he dated girls exclusively, as did I. I liked that about him for some odd reason. It made him a little “less gay,” if that makes any sense. He talked about his first time. At one point, after one of his stories, we even joked about Saran Wrap being used as a contraceptive. I talked about my upbringing and family. I learned my suspicions of his parents’ divorce were true. The conversation continued though college, finally ending in the real world post college. I found out when and where his love of cars came from (He owns a Mustang from the 60s I’m dying to take a ride in… Among the other things I want to do in it). I learned a great deal about him amongst those blades of grass. I caught a glimpse into how he became the man he is today.

As the sun went down, some cuddling ensued. It wasn’t until we couldn’t see very far in front of us that we decided to leave the park. After a short pit stop at the restrooms to relieve ourselves, we made a detour to investigate where some loud drumming and music was coming from. We discovered it was an impromptu drum session/dance party the broke out in the middle of the park. We stood and observed the celebration for some time, before out of nowhere, Smiles jumped into the mix and started dancing with one of the women. I loved his spontaneous spirit and was VERY impressed with his dancing skills. I was a little taken aback actually. I couldn’t stop smiling. I wasn’t sure if he expected me to join in, but I hadn’t had enough to drink yet to get my ass in that dance circle.

When we had our fill, we walked down a darker pathway. I took the opportunity to pull him aside for a quick kiss. I laid a big one on him. We continued on towards Columbus Circle without further plans. When we neared the subway, he pulled me towards him and said, “So I have a suggestion. Let’s go back to your place, put on gym shorts, and sit on the couch and watch a movie for the rest of the night.” My face lit up with a smile, and I said, “That sounds like a spectacular idea!” With that, we made our way to Port Authority to hop on the bus.

When we arrived at my apartment, I was surprised to find my roommates home with a large group of girls smoking on the balcony after a bar-be-que. I was less than thrilled. Our night of sitting on the couch alone was going to be heavily interrupted by a pack of young girls.

We poked our heads out on the balcony and said hi before heading to my room to put on more comfortable attire. Of course some kissing and heavy petting ensued while in my room, but we made our way back out to the balcony. Smiles planted himself in the middle of the group as if he’d known them forever. He joined their conversation and gave them advice while we all smoked. When Smiles and I had our fill, we went inside to order take-out to satiate our muchies. While waiting for the food, Smiles beckoned me to my bedroom. He was hungry for sex. After the day he showed me, who was I to deny him that pleasure. And, I too was hungry for sex.

However, if you’ve read my blog, you know I prefer to top. There was a polite standoff for a short period as to who was going to hold that position. No words were said, only body positions exchanged. Finally, I found myself in a weaker position and was conquered. If you’re keeping track now, that’s two points for him, none for me. I was okay with letting him top this time, but next time was definitely mine. This wasn’t something we discussed, and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t exclusively a top, but I wasn’t ready to end it even if he was. It was a catch 22.

Warning: The following may be a little graphic for some. After some passionate time, he finished. He was continuing, waiting for me to finish. I explained to him I never finish from bottoming. I was insinuating that I normally top. I wanted to make sure he didn’t think I always liked being on my back. He understood what I was saying, but was a little shocked I never finish from bottoming. He was perplexed. This was twice now we were together where he finished, and I did not. This topic is worth a blog post on its own. Stay tuned…

We cleaned up and went back out to the kitchen just as the delivery man was buzzing. We took our food and plopped down on the couch to eat. As we settled in, the girls finally left the apartment. We decided to watch the second Transformers since Smiles had never seen it. I was happy just spending time cuddled up next to him. Being as it was a long day, I kept falling asleep on him — Literally on him. No matter how hard I struggled to stay awake, I continued to fall asleep. When the movie was ending, I awoke and felt really bad for sleeping on him.

We cleaned up our mess and made our way to the bedroom to settle in for the night. I had one of the best days I’d ever spent with another man. I slept with a smile from ear to ear that night.

When we woke in the morning, I made coffee. We sat on the couch a bit, chatting with my roommate about her night before we finally showered and made our way to brunch at Trinity along the waterfront. We sat outside, yet again enjoying the nice Indian Summer we were having. When we finished eating, I walked him to the PATH to head home. Standing in front of the PATH, I kissed him. I’d never kissed a man in broad daylight in Hoboken before — Especially not in one of the busiest intersections in all of Hoboken in front of everyone watching Sunday football at the bar across the street. I was expanding my comfort zone, and certainly for a worthwhile cause.

As I left him, I had an abundance of energy. The endorphins were flowing! I kicked myself for ever doubting his feelings towards me and put his birthday party out of my mind. With that, I all but floated home. Hopefully, things would only go up from here.

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Dinner and a Stroll Along the River

Following my great date with Smiles, I couldn’t get enough. I relished every phone call, every text, every moment I spent with him. I suppose you could say, I was gaga.

Is Smiles the greatest guy out there? Is he the best guy out there for me? Who knows. I don’t know him well enough to make that assumption. However, my appetite was wet, and I wasn’t satiated. He is a really great guy, and possess a lot of the qualities I seek in a man. I was cautiously optimistic — Fingers crossed.

After our last date, I texted, “Had a great time last night btw :)” He responded, “Me too!” That being said, I asked him out once again. The following day, I said, “So… When do I get to see you again?” He proposed Tuesday night. I was a little surprised. I was waiting to hear Wednesday night, since he invited me to his birthday that night. I was thrilled he was interested in seeing me two days in-a-row. I was just hoping he would confirm for me once again he wanted me at his birthday celebration and wasn’t having second thoughts.

I had been apartment hunting, so when I found one, I sent him a picture. That was followed shortly after by a sexy picture of me I took last summer on vacation in California (you’ll recognize part of the picture in my Gravatar on the right). I thought I’d spice things up a little, especially since I promised him I would send the picture. He responded, “That’s way better than an apt pic!” I said, “I thought you’d appreciate…” However, he didn’t believe me when I told him I took the picture with the timer on the camera. He thought someone else took it until I went on to explain the entire situation. “You’re committed to this, huh? LOL. Good for you. Strong work,” he said.

When Tuesday arrived, I asked him if we were still on for that evening. He responded, “Yep. Barring a trip to the hospital for stitches after I punch my computer for not working and wasting my time today.” At the end of the day, he added, “I’ve calmed a bit, looking forward to seeing you. What time are you off? You don’t happen to have running shoes with you? I feel like I need a run, LOL.” After discussing my lack of running equipment, we decided on dinner at his favorite restaurant, Extra Virgin.

We grabbed a table outside the restaurant. It was that time of year right before it’s not too cold to sit outside, but it’s also not quite warm enough to be completely comfortable. We ordered our food and immediately dove into conversation. We talked about our days and what was new in our lives.

He told me he and a friend were going to a shaman to try Ayawaska (a Peruvian root similar to Peyote) for the first time. He explained the setting in a yoga studio and how it works. I was fascinated. I’m certainly not the type to be open to drug abuse, but recreationally or experimentally, I have an open mind, especially if it happens under close supervision. The point was to relax and open you mind. Many people use it to communicate with God/the spirits in a trippy way. There was slight reservation/worry in the back of my mind regarding the whole thing, but he is an adult. I knew he’d be safe.

We ate our meals (I don’t recommend the chicken pot pie at Extra Virgin, but everything else I’ve had is spectacular) and continued our conversation.

Smiles likes to order deserts when we go out. Going out to dinner is already putting a dent in my wallet that normally isn’t there. I cook in my apartment far more often than I dine out. Since I started seeing him, I was going out a lot more often for dinner. Not only that, it wasn’t exactly helping my waistline. It’s amazing how easy it is to put on pounds when you aren’t afraid of people seeing you in a bathing suit anymore.

Instead of getting desert, he suggested we go to this tea shop, McNulty’s and then grab desert elsewhere. He was looking for a specific tea, so I called the shop to make sure they were still open.

After the tea shop, we hit up a gelato place, L’Arte De Gelato. We took out gelato and walked down Christopher Street to the pier. We had a nice stroll along the pier holding hands. I pointed out a few things on the Jersey side, such as the pier I normally hit up in the summer looking back the other way. We chatted a bit at the end of the pier. I was hoping maybe for a little make out session or some hugging, but I didn’t get the feeling he was interested in that. I don’t think he noticed, but when I went to reach for his hand, that’s the exact moment he lifted it from the railing and turned around to head back to the Christopher Street PATH station. I wondered in the back of my head why he never invited me to come back to his apartment, especially since I knew we were in the neighborhood. But, I also know I needed to take it a little slower. I had a tendency to rush things, and I needed to break that habit.

When we reached the PATH station, we hugged, and I gave him a kiss goodnight. I was happy to get to see him again, and I was cautiously looking forward to his birthday the following night. It was an awkward challenge for me, but I knew I was up for it. Birthdays are always interesting situations, especially when you’re the new addition to the crowd, but something told me I’d be alright.

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Smiles Crosses the Hudson

After a very successful date with Smiles, I was left wanting more. Of course I was on Cloud 9, but I couldn’t let my crazy flag fly quite yet. I had a great time with him and a connection was obviously there, but I had to check myself. And, I couldn’t put all my eggs in one basket.

Ironically, Smiles showed his hand well before I even had the chance to show mine. Somewhere in the confusion of emails, he replied to an old email I sent him eleven days prior. It was in reference to the first night I met him. I asked him, “How would you feel about meeting up Thurs. happy hourish??” He responded to that email saying, “Done.” He thought I was asking him out again, but in reality, I was asking him out for the first time (the first time we met at Employees Only). I can’t say I wasn’t thrilled with the response. It showed he was as interested in seeing me as I was in seeing him.

Once I realized what happened, I responded to his email, and now that I had his number, I sent him a text: “While I may jump the gun when it comes to emailing you, you’re the complete opposite. You ask yourself out and respond to emails a week old. I asked you to go out for happy hour 2 Thurs. ago, not this coming Thurs. I can’t meet up this Thurs. I have volleyball, but I’d love to meet up Fri. if you’re available.”

He laughed at the situation and told me we’d make plans for Friday after work. When Friday arrived, I texted him and said, “What’s the plan?”

He responded, “I was thinking it might be fun to go to the Standard Beer Garden for a drink and play ping-pong then go up to deem for new or since I haven’t really been to Hoboken, grab the PATH from the village afterward and find dinner somewhere over there. Thoughts? Preferences?”

Obviously autocorrect was hard at work here. I had no idea what “deem for new” was, however, that wasn’t what I was concentrating on. The fact that he offered to come to Hoboken spoke volumes to me. When I started dating guys in the city, I knew I was going to have to be the one to commute in. No guys in the city like to come out to Hoboken. They think it’s this far off land, when really it’s easier than going over to the East Side.

“Beer Garden and ping-pong sound great. Hope you bring your A game 😉 Don’t know what “deem for new” is, but we can hit up Hoboken too…” I responded.

He replied, “Harlem for bbq. I hate this autocorrect. Just give me my keyboard back.”

We met right after work and had a few beers. When the ping-pong tables opened up, we hopped on. I love an active guy. I have a short attention span and love being active, so when I find another guy who’s on the same page, I find it incredibly sexy. After about a half hour of rallying back n’ forth, we finished our beers and chatted a bit. When both our glasses were empty, we discussed where to head next for dinner. Since he offered to go to Hoboken, I capitalized on that opportunity.

As we walked to the Christopher Street PATH station, he pulled me aside and planted a kiss on me. This was starting to become a pattern, and I LOVED IT! I’m not big on PDA, but when you can sneak a kiss when no one is around on the street, I get incredibly turned on. I’m not gonna lie. When I knew we were going back to Hoboken, I had a pretty sure feeling we’d be visiting my apartment at some point in the night.

We took the PATH to Hoboken and joked about the many characters riding the train. This was a new experience for him. That’s what he was looking for, either in Hoboken or Harlem.

When we arrived in Hoboken, I showed him the amazing train station. He is big on photography and architecture, so I knew he’d appreciate it. Afterwards, we took a stroll along the waterfront as I pointed out the spectacular view of New York City. He reached out and grabbed my hand. This was a completely new thing for me. I’d never held a man’s hand in Hoboken. It’s not a homophobic society, but it’s also not a very open one. Regardless, I loved the sign of affection.

We decided to have dinner at Zylo, the steakhouse in the bottom of the W. Neither of us had been there, so we decided to give it a whirl.

While we sat at dinner we chatted. We ordered drinks; of course the same since we share drink tastes, but this time it was dirty martinis with bleu cheese olives. I was nearly floored when he brought up his birthday festivities and invited me. “I’m having my birthday on Wednesday with two of my friends at The Jimmy if you’re available and would like to come.” I told him as long as I didn’t have anything else going on, I would be thrilled. That was a huge step for me. The birthday invite is no small potatoes. It’s a big deal. It means introducing me to friends. I was impressed he felt that comfortable with me already. I wondered if I would get an invite since he first mentioned his birthday. I immediately became more attracted to him and started to let my guard down a bit. I didn’t need to put up such a front about my true feelings.

After dinner, we walked outside. I grabbed him and said, “Okay. So, I’m not going to let you come all the way out to Hoboken without coming to my apartment. You up for that?” He agreed, and we set off in the drizzling rain towards my apartment. Of course, he complained about the distance, but I assured him it would be worth it in the end.

When we got to my place, I showed him around, of course ending in my bedroom. It didn’t take long before animal instincts took over, and we were all over each other.

(Warning: Following paragraph may be too graphic for some) In the midst of passion, with the lights off, he said to me, “I want to f*ck you so bad. Are you okay with that?” I had a decision to make. All summer, I lived by the policy of strictly topping. I found I did not enjoy bottoming and declared that was something I would only do for a guy I truly liked once I was in a relationship. This policy worked quite well for me, but again, I had a decision to make. Without a word, I reach into my nightstand and took out a condom and bottle of lube. The decsion was made. I handed him the condom and warned him he’d have to go slow. It had been a long time for me since my last penetration. As I’ve experienced many times with guys, “condom syndrome” kicked in, and the heat was lost momentarily. However, we quickly recovered and some great sex ensued.

Afterwards, we showered and hopped into bed for the night. After a little cuddling, we both dozed off. In the morning, I woke and went into the kitchen to make us breakfast. Shortly thereafter, he woke and came out to join me. I loved seeing him walking around in my clothes.

I poured him a cup of coffee and went back to the stove to tend to the eggs and homemade pork and apple sausages. He came behind me and gave me a hug and kissed my neck. It was the perfect gesture at the perfect time. I was really falling for him every second I spent with him. This is what I’d been searching so long for. I was happy with where things were going, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t still a little doubt in my mind. We weren’t dating yet. As my friend loves to point out, sex does not equal a relationship. She is right.

After we ate, I walked him back to the PATH. It was Saturday afternoon, and all of Hoboken was out getting ready for the football game. We stopped in front of the PATH station, right across from the prominent football bar, Texas Arizona, and we kissed each other goodbye. Again, this is not part of my comfort zone, but I went with it. I needed to be comfortable with these situations. There is no reason I should be embarrassed or ashamed.

Needless to say, I walked home with a grin on my face from ear-to-ear. I was so elated and blissfully happy. The date could not have gone better. However, there was a little voice in the back of my head telling me to calm down and not get overly excited…

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Smiles Returns pt. 2

My second date with Smiles was off to a great start! We already walked the entire High Line and grabbed sangria. Now we were on our way to an unplanned dinner.

As we walked, he reached down to grab my hand. I’m terrible at making those first moves, so when he did, I nearly melted into a puddle right there on the street. I loved every second of it. It also gave me the validation he was enjoying my company. We stopped to snap a few pictures of interesting things along the way. I was happy to see he was into photography since this was something I was truly interested in as well. We chatted more on the subject as we walked and stroked each other’s hands.

When we arrived at Extra Virgin, I learned why he warned me he was quite the regular. Immediately, the host made a killing fuss over him. He was a tall flamboyantly gay black man who had no qualms about jumping all over Smiles in front of me. I enjoyed the spectacle, especially since Smiles was getting quite embarrassed by the fiasco.

We took our seat at the bar and began to peruse the drink menu. Dark and Stormies have become one of my new favorite drinks, especially in a crisp fall day. The bartender asked Smiles what he wanted to drink, and much to my surprise, he replied, “I’ll have a Dark and Stormy.” Of course, when he turned to me, I replied, “I’ll have the same.” We commented to each other how much we like he drink and how perfect it is for this time of year. It was nice to see more and more commonality as the evening progressed.

As I was looking over the menu, I settled on the chicken with a mushroom sauce. He was looking over his menu and made the recommendation,  “The chicken is excellent.” I informed him I already decided on that and was looking forward to it. Once our orders were placed, we could return to our conversation. We found more and more commonality between us, and I was really enjoying the time I was spending with him. What was supposed to simply be coffee and a stroll on the High Line turned into an all day affair.

Shortly after we arrived, a coworker arrived and sat next to Smiles. We didn’t acknowledge each other, and I was okay with that. I wasn’t hiding anything, but I’m still not out at work. It made for some slight awkwardness, but it certainly didn’t taint my evening.

Our meals arrived, and we both enjoyed them thoroughly as the conversation continued. At one point, he stood to use the restroom. As he passed my chair, he put his arms around me from behind and gave me a hug. It was one of the sweetest things any man had done to me in a long time. When he returned, he sat with his hand on my thigh as we chatted. The bartender brought over the desert menu since the host offered it to us on the house. I then took my hand an placed it on his thigh, gently stroking his knee while we chatted. At one point, I removed my hand, and he reached up to the bar and placed my hand back on his leg. I liked his conviction and it sent a clear signal to me he was enjoying his night as much as I was.

Following our meal, we walked down the street. He again reached out and grabbed my hand. While walking down a darker street, he guided me across the sidewalk, pulled me in closer, and he planted a kiss on me. These are the little things that really win me over. I was really falling for this guy, which was very interesting since the first date didn’t go extremely well. We came upon a cellist on the street corner playing for all passersby. He took the hand he as holding and pulled it around his back. We stood and listened for a song while he played. It was very relaxing having him leaning against me with my arm around him. I was truly there in the moment and extremely happy. I’m sure I had a smile from ear to ear.

When we decided to continue on, we walked toward the PATH station. We made one quick pitstop in a sex shop on Christopher Street. We looked in the front window at some of the wares the store sold. I wondered if this was a test to see if I could roll with the punches and have fun. I think he wanted to see how I would react, and I performed superbly. We had so much fun talking about everything in the store. He even took pictures of a few things, and we had a good laugh.

We continued another block before we were at the PATH station. We stood facing each other talking about how much fun we had. We hugged, and I pulled him in for a few kisses. I wanted to ravage him, but it was neither the time or the place. We had a conversation earlier in the night about making people a priority and seeing the people you care about the most. I acknowledged that conversation by turning to him as he walked away and said, “Let’s do this again soon! Make me a priority.”

After the date, I shot him an email the following day. “So I tried not to jump the gun so much this time… Waited ’til I had some downtime this afternoon to hit you up… Better?? Hope the cold calling isn’t too painful! (Acknowledging his workday) Had a great time yesterday! Hope you negotiated good rates with everyone (the cellist, bartender, host, Joan Rivers, …) to play their parts. Would love to see you again, so let me know when you’re free, and we can get together. P.S. Do you think I’m I phone number worthy yet?”

Shortly after, he replied, “LOL! yes, ###.###.####. Glad you appreciate my unplanned dating Karma ;-)” It was great to hear back from him so soon. It showed he was still interested in seeing me. I couldn’t have been happier. It was just a question of when I would get to see him again…

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