Posts Tagged expectations
Today is a Fast Forward Monday!!!
My apologies to those who have come to expect Fast Forward Fridays. I have been traveling for work/pleasure, and I got caught up in things. I haven’t had a chance to write the second post, so I’m making up for it today. Hope you are enjoying these. It will help bring the blog a little closer to real-time. If you’re keeping up with the stories chronologically, please skip down to this morning’s post first, then read this one. I think it’s a good one! Enjoy!
Back to your special edition of One Gay At A Time…
After missing the opportunity to finally meet my online friend after almost a years time chasing each other around, the day finally arrived when I was scheduled to finally meet him in the flesh. This was well overdue, and I was quite excited. I wasn’t about to get ahead of myself, but the suspense had been building up for quite some time.
We discussed where we would go for drinks or dinner and finally settled on Charritos, a Mexican restaurant I’ve been to on numerous occasions. In fact, this wasn’t the first date I took there. We planned to meet at 7:30. I knew the place didn’t take reservations, but it was a Monday night on a holiday weekend. I figured everyone was home getting ready for the coming workweek. It also wasn’t the nicest night, as snow was in the forecast, so I thought we’d be alright.
When I arrived, I was immediately proved wrong. I stood in front waiting for him to arrive noticing every table (all 8 of them) filled with diners. Finally, he arrived, and we attempted to go inside out of the cold. Even this proved difficult since there was nowhere to go once we were in there. While we waited for a table to clear, we awkwardly chatted.
This was surprisingly difficult. He seemed so incredibly flirty online and charismatic, and the man standing in front of me was a very shy reserved individual. I couldn’t get over it. Where was the guy I’d been chatting about my body and sexual interests in detail? Where was the flirt?
We talked about work and the weather. It was a struggle to find a topic to discuss. Everything felt forced. It wasn’t awful, but it certainly wasn’t what I expected.
Finally we got a table and sat. After we ordered, we started to chat a bit more. I asked most of the questions. He always responded in detail, but he never asked a question in turn. That may have helped the conversation flow much more freely, but it wasn’t there. I had to volunteer all my information. I feel awkward talking about myself when I wasn’t asked to. It was as if I was interviewing him for a job.
One topic we got on was siblings. I don’t know why, but that topic has been coming up more and more frequently on my dates. I’ve actually noticed it and tried curbing it. I learned about his siblings as well. It was nice to hear he came from such a similar family dynamic.
We talked about his job as well. I was very intrigued by it. He told me all about his schooling, his specialty in the field relevant to the gay community, his boss, the clinical work he does… This was really shaping up to be quite the catch of a man. He was very sweet and thoughtful. However, our chemistry was not mixing AT ALL! It was so disappointing. On paper he looked so good. Online, he seemed a sexual match for my libido. In person, he was a mouse. Night and day from my expectations.
After quite a while, the waiter basically asked us to leave. There were people waiting for a table, so they kicked us out. I was more than a little p*ssed, because I thought it was very unprofessional and rude, however, it was time for the date to conclude.
We’d already talked about him coming over to my apartment before the date. I was still very sexually attracted to him. I wondered if he’d relax when he was out of the public eye. As we walked outside, I asked him where he parked and told him I’d walk him to his car. I was hoping for a signal along the way to show his interest. I thought he’d drive me to my apartment and come up.
I thought we’d at least say a proper goodbye. I was hoping for a kiss considering all I could think about during the meal was how good his lips would feel. When we got to the car, I stood on the sidewalk, and he walked to the front passengers panel in front of the rearview mirror. That would have been fine. I may have even used the car as a backboard for a strong kiss, BUT there was also a chopped off parking meter between him and myself. Yes. A metal pole about four feet tall was between the two of us. I don’t think he could have strategically showed his lack of interest any more other than to simply get in the car and drive away.
We said goodbye, and I told him it was nice meeting him. He said, “Likewise.” That’s when I grew some balls and took what I wanted. I moved forward, reached my long arm over the pole, hooked it under his arm around his back, and pulled him in for a kiss. It wasn’t a long kiss or a makeout session, but I certainly wasn’t going to be satisfied with a peck.
And with that, I turned and walked home in the flurries falling from the sky. I was still a little blown away by the lack of spark during the date. I wasn’t even ready to go home. I decided to stop by my friends’ place on the way home and say hi.
I came in and we caught up on what’s going on with each other before I told he and his wife about my awkward date. He was a little baffled by it as well. He couldn’t understand what was going on. He really loved the parking meter pole story as well. I was so nonplussed.
I sulked home after saying goodnight to my friends. When I got home, I was curious to see if he was back on a4a. Surprise! I was right. I wasn’t going to get past this immediately. I needed to ask him about what happened.
“Surprise, surprise. Look who’s on here,” I messaged him. We chatted a bit awkwardly about the date. He messaged me back: “I was waiting for you to ask me to come back.” He wanted to come back to my apartment. He even brought his c*ck ring and poppers with him. I was so confused, and I made that clear to him. He wasn’t aware of his mixed signals, nor was he aware of the pole. He just thought I wasn’t interested since I walked him to his car. It was all a big misunderstanding. “I had a good time. I thought the conversation was nice,” he added. That doesn’t make up for the awkward date however. That just cleared up the mixed signals at its close.
Just to satiate my curiosity, I told him we would have to try to fix what went wrong when I got back from my work trip to San Francisco. He agreed, so we kept in touch over the next week.
I decided to see what was going on with the southern guy. He texted me to see how my weekend was, so I picked up the phone and called him. Again, we talked for almost an hour while I packed. This completely made up for my awkward date. I was really looking forward to getting back so I could finally meet him. Hopefully this one wouldn’t be as big a disappointment.
In the morning, I had a message from my new southern gentleman caller. He was asking for a picture of my “morning excitement” we’d discussed previously. I denied his request and told him he’d have to wait to see the real thing. This was my way of getting him on the ball about meeting up with me.
I also got a text message from my friend and recent neighbor. It was very sweet of him to do so. I needed to make it a priority to hang out with him when I got back to New York.
All that would have to wait on the backburner… The following day, I was headed to San Francisco for the week for work. Waiting for me were two men. One I attempted a long distance relationship with whom I would meet for a cocktail. The other, a great confident and online friend whom I was extremely excited to meet in person, especially in the bedroom…Follow @onegayatatime
Yet another video I’d like to share. This one is a music video for one of my new favorite groups, Duck Sauce. Great song and love the sexual connotations, but may not be safe for work depending on what you do. Enjoy!
On with the story…
Every Tuesday in Hoboken is free movie night if you have Cablevision’s triple play. I do not, but I have some very generous friends who do, and they lend me their card when they’re not using it.
I asked Smiles if he wanted to catch a movie and dinner. He told me he could possibly do dinner, but there was no way he could do the movie. He had to be up at 6:30 the following morning for a work meeting, so spending the night in my bed was off the table.
While I was finishing up work, he was moving his final boxes into his storage unit from Harlem. I agreed to help him when I arrived downtown, but when I got there, he was already finished.
I walked him back to his apartment. We talked about his day on the walk. I waited while he showered and changed after loading and unloading all those boxes to go to dinner.
While he was moving the boxes, both his parents called, separately. He was a little worried, so on the way to the restaurant, he dialed his mother. Smiles said he needed to walk a while, so we kinda just went for a stroll. We talked a little about work and how he got to where he is today. We stopped in a few stores on the way. We were walking for over a half hour before we settled on a spot to grab some grub.
We settled on Peels. When he returned to the table after washing his hands, the conversation was very dry. There were many long awkward pauses throughout the night. I struggled to think about anything we could to talk about. Nothing. I didn’t know what to do. We continued to eat in silence. It was incredibly awkward. I was so worried we’d hit that point already where we had nothing to talk about. I was petrified.
Was he distracted by the phone calls? Did something happen? Who knows?
When we finished eating, we paid the bill and began walking back toward his place and the PATH. We ran into a friend along the way, and Smiles chatted with him for a short while after barely introducing me. After we left the friend, he explained who he was and how close a friend he is. I was a little surprised. If he was such a good friend, then why was he so casual when introducing me. Maybe I didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me. Maybe I was putting too much of myself out there too soon. We’d been dating for a month and a half. I thought we’d be closer knit at this point, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I had different expectations.
As we walked, he told me he was tired and a bit out of it. This wasn’t news to me after the awkward dinner we just had. He walked me to a crossroad and said goodbye. When I went in for a kiss, I barely received anything in return. It was almost like a child begrudgingly accepting a kiss from a grandparent. I felt like a piece of sh*t.
As I walked by myself to the PATH, I wondered if this thing had run its course. How much longer were we going to go before he fully opened up to me? — Before I didn’t have to wonder where I stood with him? I was tired of the uncertainty. It was dragging me down.
I needed to talk to someone, so I called Boston. No answer as usual. College always gets in the way of our friendship!
Next, I called LES to see what he was up to. No answer, so I left a message.
Then I texted the Principal just to say hi and see how he was doing. When I came above ground on the other side of the Hudson River, I received a response from him. We texted back-n-forth for the remainder of my walk home. When I got to my apartment, I immediately climbed into bed. I was depressed. This relationship was looking pretty bleak. Silence at dinner and an awkward kiss goodnight. Once again, maybe he just wasn’t into me.
The Principal and I continued to text over the next hour while I watched some TV. I explained to him I still had some feelings for him, however, the distance thing just wouldn’t work out for me. Apparently, I opened up a can of worms there. He really did miss me. I’m not sure why I felt the need to reach out to the Prinicpal that night. I thought I passed that chapter in the story. I think I did it for selfish reasons because I needed to feel wanted again. I knew the Principal would provide that for me. Looking back, I never should have done that.
In my mode of depression, I also responded to one of the guys who had hit me up on OKCupid. I asked him if he wanted to grab a drink sometime. I was taking my friends’ advice. I wasn’t going to put all my eggs in one basket. The guy responded, and we scheduled a date for the following night…Follow @onegayatatime
Before I met Smiles, I was chatting with a guy on OKCupid. After cruising the site, trying to find anything remotely resembling a prospective man, I managed to find a guy who was both attractive and seemed to have a great personality — at least based on his profile. He looked like he led an active lifestyle and was smiling in all of his pictures, so I sent him a message.
Surprisingly, he messaged me back shortly thereafter asking me to email him some pictures (my profile only has my torso pic). However, he added, “And just to be upfront about intentions, I’m seeing someone currently, but I’m so down to make legit guy friends. I don’t do well with the fem/gay scene so I’m always eager to meet more guys like us :)”
I wasn’t exactly thrilled, but I was also looking for friends. At the least, maybe I could get a wingman out of him. I responded, “Of course you’re seeing someone… All the good ones are!!! I can use friends just as much as I can use lovers ;)”
He seemed like a very genuine, down-to-earth guy. I was pleasantly surprised by his response. “Awww! Well you’re very cute. Why are you single?” he asked. We exchanged numbers and planned a time to meet on Thursday night immediately following work. Ironically enough, it was a night I double booked.
When my day was winding down, I texted him to confirm, but, he had to cancel. He had an impromptu second interview for a job, so I couldn’t exactly hold it against him for the last minute cancellation. Instead, I called up Sexy Eyes to see if he could grab coffee and already had plans later to meet Smiles for the first time.
I tried to reschedule with my new prospective friend, but I got no response after that. I wasn’t sure what happened exactly, but enough time passed that I lost interest. Then, out of the blue, I received a message, “Hey man, I broke up with my boyfriend So I’ve been in a funk. Sorry for flaking on you – I’m not usually like that, but the breakup wasn’t exactly amicable. If you want to give me a second chance, I’ve evened out and am down to chill.”
If you’ve ever read my blog, you know I’m all about second chances. However, now the roles were flipped. I was dating Smiles for a few weeks at this point, so this time I was the one looking for just friendship. For some odd reason, I didn’t make it a point to lay that out for him ahead of time, as he had done before the first time we planned to meet.
Wednesday after work, we met at Shima in the East Village, his neighborhood, for sushi. He was already waiting at the restaurant when I arrived. I sat and we immediately jumped into conversation. It was great because there was no tension or awkwardness. We jumped right in like we were old college buddies. I learned a lot about him over dinner — How he just moved to the city, what he wanted to do, what he did for fun, his family… The conversation flowed constantly. We really hit it off.
When dinner ended, we stood outside chatting a bit before he invited me back to his place to smoke and watch Archer, a show we found we shared a common love for.
The whole reason I went on this date was because my friends all encouraged me to date other people. They explained it was healthy to date a few people at the same time until you find one you really like. Things had become a but of a roller-coaster with Smiles emotionally. It went against every fiber of my being, but I decided to follow their advice. However, when push came to shove, I turned it into a friend date and couldn’t make a move. It was getting late, so after a full episode, I decided it was time for me to head home. I wanted to leave before things got awkward.
He may have thought we were on a date, but I was dating Smiles. And, as much as my friends told me I needed to be dating other people as well, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lead my new friend on while I had a strong interest in Smiles.
He walked me to the elevator to say goodbye. I could tell he was expecting a kiss. And, I can’t lie. I wanted to kiss him. I had a really good time, but like I said, I couldn’t lead him on like that. I knew where my true interests lay. I gave him a hug and said goodbye. I could see the disappointment in the expression on his face as he walked back into his apartment. I felt awful.
I knew I couldn’t leave things as they ended. I wanted a friendship from him, so I wanted him to know he didn’t just get rejected by me. I decided to text him to explain on my walk home.
I told him how great he is and how much I enjoyed myself with him, but I explained how I’d been dating Smiles since the night he first cancelled on me. He responded by noting, “Guess that was my loss.” We discussed it further. I realized I was wrong in not telling him my intentions going in to the date, but I didn’t know my intentions until the date was closing. I thought I could date more than one guy at a time, but it’s just not how I operate — At least not when I’d been seeing the guy for a few weeks. I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with the situation, but I had a feeling time would fix it, and we could start a great friendship.Follow @onegayatatime