Posts Tagged divorce

Romantic Evening in the Park

As we left dinner Saturday afternoon following the opera, we began to walk north on Columbus Ave. I had no idea where we were going or what we were about to be doing, but I had a feeling I was going to enjoy the surprise. I was already enjoying the fact that he was being romantic enough to surprise me.

Finally we stopped at the corner of 67th to pop into 67 Wine. Call me stupid, but I was in the store for a solid two minutes before I realized what his plan was. I heard Smiles ask for a cold bottle of white wine, but it wasn’t until he asked for plastic cups that I realized his intentions. Apparently he wasn’t ready for our date to end. We were a few blocks from Central Park. He must have been planning a spontaneous picnic.

It’s been a looonnnggg time since a man put that much thought or care into a date with me. I was swooning from the attention. As we walked to the park, I had a smile from ear to ear.

We passed a family with a child being slightly rambunctious, and he stated, “Yea. The jury’s still out on that one.” I didn’t let that comment fall too far before I scooped it up. On our second date, he pointed out an apartment that would be perfect for two edgy gay men to live in, implying no children. I know children is the last thing one should be thinking about on a second date, but the comment caught me off guard. Children are definitely something I want in my life at some point. Hearing that he’s still entertaining the idea was reassuring. I said to him, “What? Kids?” When he acknowledged, I pointed out how he’d be a great dad.

We entered the park by Tavern on the Green. As we walked out onto Sheep’s Meadow, there was a plethora of people out enjoying a spectacular October Saturday. There were lots of frisbees and couples, much like Smiles and I, enjoying a nice evening in the park just as the sun was setting.

We found a plot of dry grass in the middle of the open field to sit and crack open our wine. He poured each of us a glass. I sprawled out a bit and leaned back onto my elbow to get closer to him to chat. It was really shaping up to be a very special day. A day a few hours earlier I wasn’t sure would come to fruition.

Somehow we got on the subject of high school hookups, which was very interesting to hear him talk about it. When he was in high school, he dated girls exclusively, as did I. I liked that about him for some odd reason. It made him a little “less gay,” if that makes any sense. He talked about his first time. At one point, after one of his stories, we even joked about Saran Wrap being used as a contraceptive. I talked about my upbringing and family. I learned my suspicions of his parents’ divorce were true. The conversation continued though college, finally ending in the real world post college. I found out when and where his love of cars came from (He owns a Mustang from the 60s I’m dying to take a ride in… Among the other things I want to do in it). I learned a great deal about him amongst those blades of grass. I caught a glimpse into how he became the man he is today.

As the sun went down, some cuddling ensued. It wasn’t until we couldn’t see very far in front of us that we decided to leave the park. After a short pit stop at the restrooms to relieve ourselves, we made a detour to investigate where some loud drumming and music was coming from. We discovered it was an impromptu drum session/dance party the broke out in the middle of the park. We stood and observed the celebration for some time, before out of nowhere, Smiles jumped into the mix and started dancing with one of the women. I loved his spontaneous spirit and was VERY impressed with his dancing skills. I was a little taken aback actually. I couldn’t stop smiling. I wasn’t sure if he expected me to join in, but I hadn’t had enough to drink yet to get my ass in that dance circle.

When we had our fill, we walked down a darker pathway. I took the opportunity to pull him aside for a quick kiss. I laid a big one on him. We continued on towards Columbus Circle without further plans. When we neared the subway, he pulled me towards him and said, “So I have a suggestion. Let’s go back to your place, put on gym shorts, and sit on the couch and watch a movie for the rest of the night.” My face lit up with a smile, and I said, “That sounds like a spectacular idea!” With that, we made our way to Port Authority to hop on the bus.

When we arrived at my apartment, I was surprised to find my roommates home with a large group of girls smoking on the balcony after a bar-be-que. I was less than thrilled. Our night of sitting on the couch alone was going to be heavily interrupted by a pack of young girls.

We poked our heads out on the balcony and said hi before heading to my room to put on more comfortable attire. Of course some kissing and heavy petting ensued while in my room, but we made our way back out to the balcony. Smiles planted himself in the middle of the group as if he’d known them forever. He joined their conversation and gave them advice while we all smoked. When Smiles and I had our fill, we went inside to order take-out to satiate our muchies. While waiting for the food, Smiles beckoned me to my bedroom. He was hungry for sex. After the day he showed me, who was I to deny him that pleasure. And, I too was hungry for sex.

However, if you’ve read my blog, you know I prefer to top. There was a polite standoff for a short period as to who was going to hold that position. No words were said, only body positions exchanged. Finally, I found myself in a weaker position and was conquered. If you’re keeping track now, that’s two points for him, none for me. I was okay with letting him top this time, but next time was definitely mine. This wasn’t something we discussed, and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t exclusively a top, but I wasn’t ready to end it even if he was. It was a catch 22.

Warning: The following may be a little graphic for some. After some passionate time, he finished. He was continuing, waiting for me to finish. I explained to him I never finish from bottoming. I was insinuating that I normally top. I wanted to make sure he didn’t think I always liked being on my back. He understood what I was saying, but was a little shocked I never finish from bottoming. He was perplexed. This was twice now we were together where he finished, and I did not. This topic is worth a blog post on its own. Stay tuned…

We cleaned up and went back out to the kitchen just as the delivery man was buzzing. We took our food and plopped down on the couch to eat. As we settled in, the girls finally left the apartment. We decided to watch the second Transformers since Smiles had never seen it. I was happy just spending time cuddled up next to him. Being as it was a long day, I kept falling asleep on him — Literally on him. No matter how hard I struggled to stay awake, I continued to fall asleep. When the movie was ending, I awoke and felt really bad for sleeping on him.

We cleaned up our mess and made our way to the bedroom to settle in for the night. I had one of the best days I’d ever spent with another man. I slept with a smile from ear to ear that night.

When we woke in the morning, I made coffee. We sat on the couch a bit, chatting with my roommate about her night before we finally showered and made our way to brunch at Trinity along the waterfront. We sat outside, yet again enjoying the nice Indian Summer we were having. When we finished eating, I walked him to the PATH to head home. Standing in front of the PATH, I kissed him. I’d never kissed a man in broad daylight in Hoboken before — Especially not in one of the busiest intersections in all of Hoboken in front of everyone watching Sunday football at the bar across the street. I was expanding my comfort zone, and certainly for a worthwhile cause.

As I left him, I had an abundance of energy. The endorphins were flowing! I kicked myself for ever doubting his feelings towards me and put his birthday party out of my mind. With that, I all but floated home. Hopefully, things would only go up from here.

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Déjà vu

Thursday night, after my usual volleyball game, I grabbed my roommates and took them to my favorite local watering hole. It was going to be the perfect drama-free night I needed. We were gonna have fun! I invited N, but he had plans to go to dinner with friends and said he had to be at work at 6am.

However, we arrived at the bar only to find it DEAD. No one was out. We didn’t let that get us down. I took the opportunity to introduce the new roommates to all the bartenders, bouncers and even the manager. I went to this bar every weekend, and they treated me like family. I wanted my roommates to be shown the same love. The bartenders poured us drinks all night, and we all got properly drunk. We were also dancing up a storm with the five other people in the bar.

All night long, I was getting texts from Mr. Grindr. He was out and wanted to know what I was up to. Turned out, he was at the bar next door. I told him to come by, but he didn’t. When it was about closing time, I told him to come over to my apartment. He was a little weirded out because I was walking with my roommates, but I told him they were cool. He met us when we were halfway to the apartment. I hung back from the roommates and chatted him up on the walk home. He wanted to know why I wasn’t calling to hang out. I said the same thing back to him. If he wanted to hang out, he could just as easily pick up the phone and call me. I wasn’t all that thrilled about hanging out with him, but I wasn’t opposed to exploring the benefits of being friends.

When we got back to my room, of course the conversation started to revolve around N because he was texting him once again while he laid in my bed. For some reason, Mr. Grindr felt the need to show me some of the texts N was sending. One jumped at me. It said “baby boy” in it. Another little piece of my heart broke at that moment because that was something N called me all the time. I thought it was a term of affection he used towards me, but apparently it also went for guys he was trying to have sex with. Looks like I was simply one of those guys after all. When Mr. Grindr didn’t respond to the texts, N responded, “Well. Have fun with whoever you’re with.” Mr. Grindr suggested a threesome at this point. “If you think that’s happening, you’re nuts!” I responded.

Mr. Grindr told me he felt weird again because he had been talking to N before he even met me. Once again, I imagined they would have hooked up sooner if both weren’t in the closet to their roommates.

We started hooking up and things got hot. We had sex multiple times that night. At one point, he tried to insert himself with great force without any preparation. I’m not a fan of being a bottom to begin with, but this was unbearable. I nearly flung him off the bed and ran into the bathroom to make sure I was alright. That certainly was not going to happen again. I decided right then and there, that was going to be a prize possession only a special few would receive in the future.

In between sessions, we had a conversation about him staying or leaving for the night. We also somehow got on the topic of his parents being in the middle of a divorce and the issues it was bringing up for him. He was drunk, but the conversation was getting heavy beyond my comfort zone. He also mentioned something to the effect of him wanting to invite me to his brother’s wedding in the coming week. I quickly changed the subject because that was NOT going to happen, and I had no idea where that came from. We ended up both falling asleep and him spending the night. He certainly liked to cuddle and spoon. The next morning, he woke up and had to rush home to get ready for work. I texted him after he left, mentioning us grabbing a drink a the bar sometime, and he agreed. This was the last time I saw him, and I don’t plan to see him again. He carried a lot of baggage I didn’t want to get into.

I hopped on Grindr to see who messaged me overnight. I noticed N was signed on and only a few feet away. So much for being at work at 6am. He didn’t owe me an explanation, but he was starting to really show the pattern of a pathological liar. I don’t know why he even felt the need to lie. He could have said, “I don’t feel like going to the bar tonight, but thanks.” I would still try to be his good friend, but trust would always be an issue between us.

Ironically, I found solace through this whole breakup in a Beyoncé song. I found the lyrics exceptionally poignant. If you’ve gone through a recent breakup, I highly suggest listening to it.

The next day I felt myself feeling empty from my recreational sex. I spent 26 years masturbating. It was nice to have sex on demand, but it was emotionless and empty. I didn’t like who I was becoming. I needed to change. I decided then and there I wanted to find a boyfriend, and I needed to stop trying to fill the void in my life with meaningless sex.

That weekend, many of my friends went away. N went down to the Jersey Shore, and I was jealous. I was unhappy and lonely. I needed to learn how to be alone again. That night, I went to bed and had many dreams about men and Grindr. This proved it was consuming my life. I needed to cut back, or I would become one of the gay men I despise so much…

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Wandering Eyes

Now that I have a fair amount of dates under my belt, I feel comfortable meeting more men without much prescreening. Normally, I try to qualify them by talking a fair amount before meeting in person. Now, it’s worth it to save this conversation for a first date.

I came across a very attractive 25 y.o. on adam4adam.com. His profile was far from substantial. Play safe only. HIV neg and STD free — looking for same.  His name also had nsa (no strings attached) in it. This is not the arrangement I seek out, but at this point, I was having fun and not asking too many questions.

We exchanged a few messages over a decent time span. The conversation actually died to the point I messaged, “Hey there. Haven’t heard from you for some time. If I’m barking up the wrong tree, let me know.”

He responded with continued interest, and shortly after, I said, “I hope I’m not being too forward, but I’d love to meet up for a drink sometime. Toss me your number if you’re interested.” I got his number and set a date. We agreed to pick a location the following day as the workday was ending.

I texted him the day of the date to make sure we were still on. Nearly an hour passed. Just when I had about given up on him as yet another flake, he responded. He told me to meet him at 7:00. I purposely left my office late to arrive fashionably late. That would have gone well, except he showed up for the date a half hour late.

I waited for him at a high top in the dive bar he chose, Whiskey River. When he arrived, he apologized for being late and grabbed a beer at the bar. The conversation started slow, but picked up quickly once we got comfortable. I asked him why he agreed to go on a date with me. He said, “Because you asked me out for a drink. It was a nice change from all the guys looking for hookups.” When I asked him what he did, he told me he was unemployed and unleashed a story like I’ve never heard before.

He was born in Israel. After he served his military term for one year, he decided he wanted to explore the U.S. for 6 months. He left behind a boyfriend of about a year (a very complicated relationship). He ended up staying in NY working as a waiter. When a woman heavily flirted with him, he informed her he was gay. She introduced him to her other gay friend, and they all became close. So close, he and the woman married (took me a few minutes to realize for immigration purposes). This woman had fallen in love with him, but he realized this too late. They had a big falling out, and he moved out on his own.

That’s when he met a new man. They were dating for about a month when this man decided to take him to his Connecticut house. My date was expecting to be visiting a cottage, when in reality it was a mansion. This man was a millionaire 10 years his senior.

The whole time my date was telling me this story, he looked past me. His eye contact was unnerving. He periodically glanced back to me, but spent a majority of the date looking elsewhere.

So Wandering Eyes went on to tell me this man asked him to move to California with him for the winter. This was his typical schedule, and he wanted Wandering Eyes to come. W.E. left his job managing a hotel and his friends and moved to California.

He lived the life of a kept man. They even discussed marriage. He drove a Porsche, wore Armani suits, was waited on hand and foot by servants and went to galas, award shows and benefits, all the while not working. The millionaire was also very possessive over him. He read his emails and checked his phone periodically. W.E. had nothing to hide, so he allowed this behavior. He started to get bored with his new lifestyle and missed his NY friends,. He decided to plan a trip back east for a week.

Upon his return, the millionaire was acting very different and suspicious. When the opportunity for W.E. to read through the millionaire’s emails arose, he jumped on it. He discovered that while he was in NY, the millionaire had an affair with another man and even took pictures of the two of them in the bed he shared with W.E.

W.E. decided he wanted nothing to do with this situation moved back to New York. The millionaire did everything in his power to get him to stay, even asking for them both to have action on the side, and they would just stay together. No dice. W.E. was gone.

In the meantime, the woman he married was interested in marrying a new man and filed for divorce. W.E. came back to New York jobless, divorced, newly single and homeless (the millionaire allowed him to live in his Manhattan apt until he got back on his feet). I wanted to walk around the table and give him the biggest hug. My heart bled for him.

I learned so much about him from that story. His character ran deep. His friends told him he was crazy for giving up the lifestyle he had, but he was still able to recognize his own unhappiness and moved on.

We chatted for about 3 hours before we walked to a Starbucks for a coffee. There we talked about movies and one of his interests, comic book heroes. We discussed our favorites and why.

The time came for me to go home, so I walked him to his subway stop. He had the most beautiful eyes and lips. I had been staring at them all night. A majority of the night, all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss them. However, when the time came, I lost my nerve. I hoped he would make a move, but he didn’t. We hugged goodbye and talked about a second date.

On my way home, I texted, “Hey. Prob supposed to wait til tomorrow to msg you, but not my style… Really enjoyed meeting you tonight. Can tell deep down you’re a really great guy… And you’re even hotter in person… I’d really love to see you again some time if you feel the same… P.S. I’m really awkward with goodbyes… Sorry… Felt like such a sh*t when I walked away…”

He responded, “No worries. I probably would’ve kissed you if you didn’t walk away… So maybe it’s not a bad thing that you did…”

This is very confusing. How would it be a good things I walked away without a kiss? “Of course it’s a bad thing! Wanted nothing more than for you to kiss me ;),” was my response.

His next text was much more reassuring; “Well… Guess we’ll know better next time.”

I told him I was happy to hear there would be a next time. Sadly, there never would be. We tried, but plans never seemed to work out. Things fizzled out, and we haven’t been in touch since…

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