Posts Tagged masturbate
Resolve To Overcome Your Sexual Shyness – Astroglide Giveaway
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Endorsements on January 16, 2013
When you’re a gay man who came out at the age of 25, you look back and realize how abruptly you were faced with so many new things. Where most people experimented in their formidable years, I was sitting on the sidelines waiting for my day to shine. It’s a wonder I’m not curled up in the corner in the fetal position rocking back-and-forth. It took me some time to get comfortable in the sack, and once I felt comfortable in my own skin, there was no turning back. Or at least I thought so.
Turns out experience can’t erase all your hangups, and when you need help, you need to turn to the sexperts. Astroglide’s Sexual Wellness Ambassador Dr. Yvonne Fulbright is came to my aid to help conquer my sexual shyness in the new year.
Astroglide’s asked me to share some of my experiences with my readers in this sponsored post.
Although I generally try to stay in shape, this holiday season, I morphed into a different kind of shape — Round. I would never let myself go so far as to let my gut get in the way of sex physically, but mentally, that’s another story. It’s hard to feel sexy and intimate between the sheets (even with the lights out) when you don’t feel sexy in the mirror. Even with my boyfriend’s advances and reassurances, I wasn’t feeling sexy. Dr. Yvonne suggests a tip: “Boost your body image. For some, the biggest challenge to getting in a sexy state of mind and letting that be known is how you feel about your body. This also goes for those who seemingly have the “best” bodies. You can start feeling better about your form with regular exercise (as this has mental health perks as well), eating healthy meals, avoiding toxins, and shutting down negative self-talk. Do things that make you feel good about the skin you’re in.” I am already experiencing results physically and mentally through following this new prescription.
I also came across some good advice I feel I’ve absorbed along the way but never put into practice. Dr. Yvonne advises: “Get to know yourself. It’s hard to express yourself or let a lover know your likes and what you want unless you take the time for self-exploration first. So take the time to masturbate. Experiment with different sexual enhancements. Read erotica for inspiration re: scenarios. Flirt with different ways to get turned on, to seduce, and begin the process of foreplay. You will feel more self-assured in providing instruction, even if it’s non-verbal.” I’m not sure I need to explore myself more often, but I should probably explore more of myself to increase the pleasure when I’m not alone.
Looking for advice for your own sexual shyness? You can submit your questions to Dr. Yvonne via the form on Astroglide’s site. And, ensure better sex in 2013 with Astroglide’s free samples! Your sex-life will thank you come next New Year’s.
Am I Broken?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 13, 2011
The following topic of conversation is very embarrassing and very personal. It’s not easy to talk about, but I have a strong feeling I am not the only one who suffers from the issue. Warning: It may make some of you uncomfortable. I am exposing myself in this post, but I feel I need to face my demons to be able to get over them. I also feel guilty writing about this, because it’s a bit of an invasion of privacy for others, but I also feel it’s necessary if I’m being honest with myself and this blog. I wonder if someone out there may have insight to help me and others with this predicament. I feel the need to shine a light on this issue, as no one is talking about it.
My intentions were obvious this time around with Smiles. My hand was down his pants fondling him until I was pushed away with a grunt. There was no misconstruing my intentions. After being denied sex yet again by Smiles, I felt the need to consult my council.
I called Boston for his take on the situation. I explained being denied sex on more than one occasion. His immediate response was, “Oooooo. That’s not good. Something isn’t right.”
I responded, “I know, right? I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t making a mountain out of a mole hill.”
We chatted about the issue, and he told me I needed to address the issue. “Sex is an important part of any relationship, and based on what I read in your blog, sex is important to you,” he added. We discussed the best way to bring it up. The main consensus was waiting until the relevant situation arose. He suggested I don’t bring it up over dinner. If I was denied again, I should bring it up immediately to find the root of the problem.
This was the point in the conversation where I made a small confession of my own. I was worried I may have been to blame for the quantity. I explained my climaxing issue to Boston for the first time in full detail. I told him, while I’d been with Smiles a few times, I had yet to climax. This was through no fault of Smiles. This was a common occurrence for me dating back to the days I was with Broadway. In fact, I feel it was a large part of the reason we broke up. It put a lot of strain on the relationship. He took it personally, even though I assured him it had nothing to do with him. I was still quite attracted to him and still received pleasure from sex, but I wasn’t finishing.
I never was able to find the root of my problem. For a while, I hoped it would fix itself. When it didn’t I explored a number of theories. The leading one being I hardwired my brain to function in a specific way in relation to sex.
For 16+ years, my main outlet for my sexual frustrations was viewing gay porn and pleasuring myself. I wasn’t dating men, and I wasn’t exactly a lady killer either. I would go home, open the laptop, and take care of myself. I worried my brain was hardwired to react only to that stimuli.
I wanted nothing more than to “fix” this issue. For some time, I masked it by prepping myself. If I knew Broadway and I would be having sex, I watched porn before I saw him to build up a “spank bank.” I referred to this when he got me close to finishing to get me over that last hill. It worked for some time, but eventually that solution lost its effectiveness. That’s when things got really bad. I got so stressed about it, when the moment came, there was nothing I could do but think about my lack of performance. I was so wrapped up in the issue, there was no unwinding me at that point.
I had many frank discussions with Broadway on the subject. After discussing it, we agreed not to talk about the issue for some time. It was the only way I was going to be able to relieve some of the pressure I was putting on myself. Eventually it did the trick, and I had my happy ending. However, it wasn’t a 100% solution. Most of the time, I was only able to cum after he performed oral sex. A majority of our relationship, I never climax from anal penetration. The issue was still there. It was just lessened.
It wasn’t as big an issue with San Francisco because we were an entire country apart. When I was physically with him out in San Francisco, I had no issue. When we Skyped, it took slightly longer, but eventually I climaxed. After San Francisco, I slept with a handful of guys. I specifically remember it being an issue with The Trainer. I know it’s not an issue of physical attraction, because he had a body like a god! However, I had to finish myself off that time, and it took some time.
When I was dating N, it took a long time, but I almost always finished. He started noticing my “condition” as time went on. We discussed it lightly, but I think he was under the impression it just took me a little longer than most guys to finish. As I’ve said before, I had to resort to my “spank bank.” Many times, what I was imagining involved the two of us. I wasn’t even imagining porn stars. It was the two of us in different scenario/locations other than in my bed.
Over the summer, it wasn’t really and issue for me. I had no strong connection to the guys I was sleeping with. It was purely recreation and my own need to get some crazy out of my system. I had no pressure or image to keep up. I was just having fun, and it worked.
The first time Smiles and I had sex, I bottomed. No matter who I have been with, I have never finished from bottoming. It has its pleasures, but it never had that effect on me — Hence my status as a preferred top. With Smiles, there was one time when I was very close during oral sex. I was right there, but I just couldn’t close that final gap. After we had sex other times, and I still didn’t finish, I began to morph my theory.
I have a very high pain threshold. Because of this, I wonder if I am in turn cursed with a high pleasure threshold. Maybe it takes more to get me off. I also wondered if my stimulation comes from something more visual. Maybe I need to witness the penetration to climax. Again, these are all just shots in the dark, no pun intended, but I want nothing more than to figure out this enigma. However, I haven’t been able to test my theory at this point.
Smiles expressed his interest early on to work with me to figure this out. It meant a great deal to hear him verbalize this to me. I need someone who can be understanding and patient with me if I’m going to lick this thing.
After I talked to Boston, after a drunk night at the bar, I discussed in length with D my issue. This was really tough for me because I am so embarrassed by the situation. It makes me feel like less of a man. He was helpful in our discussion and helped me feel more comfortable talking about it.
I also called to Broadway. I didn’t exactly feel comfortable talking to him about the details of my new relationship, nor did I think it was fair to him. But, he had experience with this issue. He knew what was going on with me, and maybe now that we weren’t together, he could help me find the key. When I told him I was being denied sex, he immediately said, “Something’s wrong! That’s not normal. You need to talk to him about it.” Everyone was telling me what I already knew, but not what I wanted to hear. In thinking I was partially responsible for the situation, I brought up my issue. Maybe he was avoiding sex with me because I couldn’t finish.
Broadway told me I needed to stop being so stupid about it. I was stressing myself out over it, and that wasn’t going to solve anything. I needed to acknowledge to myself the issue and go see someone about it. I told him I had been entertaining the idea of going to see a therapist, but it takes a very special type of therapist for such a sensitive issue. It wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to find in the yellowpages. He again just indicated I needed to talk to someone about it if I wanted to get over it. He also reminded me I needed to talk to Smiles directly about why we weren’t having sex more often.
The next morning when I woke, I sent Smiles a message detailing my desire for him to be in the bed next to me and how horny I was. He responded positively and seemed he would have been up for morning sex had he actually been there. I was surprised considering a few hours earlier I was denied.
We made plans for Sunday, and I went on with my pondering my issue for the rest of the day. Did he think I didn’t enjoy sex? That certainly isn’t the case. Even if I don’t finish, I still thoroughly enjoy sex and still get a body high from it. Did it bruise his ego to know I wasn’t being fully stimulated by him? I can assure him, it is me, not him. There were a million questions, but no solid answers.
One thing is clear. I need help. I cannot solve this problem on my own, but maybe talking about it with my therapist, Dr. WordPress, will help me face my demons head on and conquer them. Only time will tell…Follow @onegayatatime
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on February 3, 2012
Today is another Fast Forward Friday!!!
Hope you are enjoying these. It will help bring the blog a little closer to real time. If you’re keeping up with the stories chronologically, please skip down to this morning’s post first, then read this one. I think it’s a good one! Enjoy!
Back to your special edition of One Gay At A Time…
Smiles and I had a very special night together sharing dinner in my apartment. We went to be happily in each other’s arms after being away from each other for some time. I’m not entirely sure why, but I felt he’d finally come around to me.
The next morning, we woke up late. I knew I had a very light workload that day, so I was in no rush to wake up. I was also feeling frisky. I tried to seduce Smiles with a back rub. I instructed him to roll on his stomach as I lifted his shirt and began massaging his back. He commented on how my hands can completely cover his back from end to end. This was one thing my big hands specialized in, so I was content putting them to good use. I began to reach my hands under him grasping his pecs in a sensual manner.
The massage didn’t last long and the seduction failed to the grumbles of Smiles’ stomach. I should have remembered that was his first priority in the morning.
We went into the kitchen and brewed coffee while I made us steak and eggs (some of the left over beef from the night before). He continuously hugged my while I cooked. Cooking at the stove for a sexy man while he wrapped his arms around me — What more could I want?
We sat at the kitchen counter and ate while we chatted a bit about what we had to do the rest of the day. I also caught Smiles up on some of the events going on around the world since he didn’t have cable and wasn’t the best at staying informed.
After breakfast, we returned to my room. I needed to get ready for the office, and Smiles needed to get dressed to head home to begin his workday. We started to make out a bit until I pulled him towards the bed. “Do you want to have sex?” he asked. I giggled with a big grin and replied, “Of course. Why do you think I was trying to seduce you before? I always want sex.” That was also my subtle way of letting him know I wanted to have more sex.
During the summer of 2010, after my breakup with N, I was having a lot more sex. I decided to be more economical with my condom purchases and bought a forty pack. I kept them in my nightstand drawer next to the bottle of lube I purchased. Smiles had been in the drawer before, and I’m sure he’d noticed the quantity. But, he never said anything about it until now. He made a comment on how many I had. “Does it intimidate you?” I asked. He simply replied with a “No.” I then gave a not so subtle comment hinting about how I’d like to have more sex. “Well, we could just use them all, and then there won’t be so many,” I exclaimed. Apparently, our conversation about the state of our relationship gave me the confidence to speak my mind when it came to our relationship going forward.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. I was already on my back with him on top of me, so I could only assume he wanted to top this time around. I topped the last time, so I only thought it fair to receive this time. I slipped the condom on him as he made a comment questioning whether I was doing it right. “[Smiles]. This isn’t my first condom, obviously,” I quipped.
I lubricated myself and laid back. I hadn’t thought much about my inability to finish with Smiles in quite some time, but I was going to try a new technique this time around. I was going to completely relax and try to enjoy every minute of it. I usually derive no pleasure from bottoming, but for some reason, this time it was working. He felt great, and I could tell he was enjoying himself as well.
I was getting very close as I pleasured myself while he penetrated me. Just as I was about to climax, he said, “I going to cum.” I quickly responded, “Me too.” And with that, as close as I was, I was a mile away from finishing. In that split second of him distracting me, I lost it. I could feel my muscles quivering just before he said anything, but it was gone. Now, it was top of mind, and I knew it wasn’t going to happen.
Smiles would have been so happy. He’d wanted to make me finish for so long, and he would have been the first to do so from topping me. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. When it didn’t, I could see him looking into my eyes with compassion. The sex was great. There was no pain or awkwardness. I wanted to show him how much I enjoyed it, but I couldn’t. My mental block got in the way once again.
After we relaxed and kissed a bit, he suggested we clean up in the shower. He was getting ready to hop in, and I told him I was coming in with him. My shower has two shower heads and a seat. Everyone that has seen my shower has made sexual comments about it, and I was going to finally get some use out of them.
I wanted to have some more sensual time together, and when I hopped in, Smiles began to wash me. I was very turned on by this. When he finished, I tried to do the same for him, but he wasn’t interested. He rinsed off and hopped out of the shower to dry off. I watched him as he toweled off, and immediately got extremely aroused. He put lotion on his face with his towel on the floor while I pleasured myself in the shower at the sight. When he left my bathroom, I beckoned him to come back in the shower and help me finish. I wanted him to be a part of it. He climbed in and I pressed myself against his back while I tried to finish. Once again, failure.
When we ran out of hot water, we hopped out. He finished applying lotion and brushing his teeth while I masturbated on my bed. I needed to finish somehow or work was going to be hell for me! He came and joined me in the crook of one my arms while I pleasured myself. FINALLY, it came. I thought of him dropping the towel in the bathroom, and it set me off. I was disappointed it wasn’t a direct reaction to something Smiles did, but I was relieved he was there to witness that it was possible and that my climax was something pretty special 😉 .
We quickly finished getting ready and walked to the PATH with my roommate chatting the whole way. The conversation wasn’t as free-flowing between us as much as when it was just the two of us. I wondered if Smiles had issues with PDA and public discussion. It just felt a little awkward.
When we got to his stop, I gave him a peck on the lips to say goodbye. I thought about that morning all day. I was happy to finally finish with him in the room, but I wished it came at Smiles’ hand. I think it would have been an ego boost for him and a big step forward for the two of us. However, it was progress — Baby steps. This something I was going to conquer, hopefully with Smiles’ assistance.Follow @onegayatatime
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