Posts Tagged Facebook
Quite a Cast of Characters
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 1, 2011
Yesterday’s video got great reception, so I decided to include another video I came across lately thanks to Smiles. I think it’s amazing shots and a very emotional piece. On top of it, the music is spectacular! Hope you like it!
On with the story…
Monday came, and I had a very light day at work. I was hoping Smiles would ask me to grab dinner, but alas, nothing. I was always the one to initiate dates, and I needed to see if he would take the initiative for once.
I gave up all hope and went home without hearing from him. Surprisingly, while lounging on the couch in front of the TV, I received an email from Smiles. He wanted to know what I was up to for the night. I logged onto Facebook to chat with him. “They are partying in the streets below me. I’m getting cage crazy,” he typed. I forgot about the Halloween parade that was happening in his neighborhood since I didn’t partake in the Halloween festivities this year.
I responded to him, “What do you propose?” He suggested coming to me since it was so crazy where he lived. I explained I was already home, but I would come back into the city to meet him for dinner. When he learned this, he said, “Oh, no don’t do that. I thought you were still at work.” I suggested he could also come out to Hoboken, which prompted the response, “I’ll get [my friend] and keep myself entertained.” That’s not the response I was looking for. I told him I was bored and really didn’t mind coming back into the city (So much for playing hard-to-get). He told me he felt bad, but I assured him I was as close as I’d be if I were still at work.
We picked a convenient place where we could find each other in the melee of the Halloween parade. We walked around the West Village and found a cute spot to grab dinner, Hudson Corner Cafe. There was a slight wait, so we hit up the bar. Once again, I was a little taken aback by the charisma he showed everyone at the restaurant. From the host to the bar tender to the waitress. He always made it a point to be personal with them, and I found it incredibly sexy.
We ordered drinks outside our comfort zones at the bar until a table was made ready. I wasn’t 100% sure, but I thought he switched the drinks when the bartender served them. Interestingly enough, we tried the drinks the other was served. I didn’t like his, and he wasn’t thrilled with mine. When we sat at the table, we ordered another round, and the waitress clarified the confusion. It worked out well considering we liked the other’s drink better.
We ordered our food and chatted while we waited. I was surprised the conversation was flowing so easily since I’d just seen Smiles the day before. When the food arrived, he commented on how little food I received. We split a brussel sprout salad, and he encouraged me to take a much larger portion. It was a very sweet gesture. We talked a lot about work and his aspirations. I was being very encouraging, but I also gave him my strong opinion on the situation. He was trying to find a typical office job while struggling to reinvigorate and old company he started years earlier. I knew that was his passion, and he would be very unhappy with a desk job. I told him he was at a great advantage. He didn’t have a comfortable job he wasn’t thrilled with that he was stuck with because it was a paycheck. He had the freedom to do whatever he wanted. He should just take a job to have a job. He took my advice to heart, which I really appreciated.
After dinner, we walked the streets. We passed someone in an amazing E.T. costume like I’d never seen before. We decided to grab desert at Magnolia’s Bakery before more walking. I made friends with a few British pigs in a blanket while waiting in line. We ate as we walked, and when we finished, we were near the PATH station. He asked, “What do you want to do now?” I was under the impression he was dropping me off, but that wasn’t the case. I didn’t think very quickly, but I suggested we head over to the parade and check it out.
Smiles had his camera, so we snapped a lot of pictures of some special characters along the way. We finally arrived at the parade and watched for a short while. When we had our fill, we continued on. Smiles suggested we go into a bar. This sounded like a great idea to me considering I already thought our night was going to end a while ago.
When we walked into the bar, Julius’, Smiles needed to use the facilities, so I attempted to order us drinks. For some reason I had no luck with this task. Usually this is my forte since I’m 6′ 2″. While standing there, an old man was creepily eyeing me up. He wasn’t being nonchalant about it at all. His eyes were burning a hole in me. I made NO eye contact with him, even though he was standing two feet away from me. When Smiles returned, he magically had no problem getting service. He commented I wasn’t smiling, and that’s why I wasn’t getting service. (Probably cause I felt uncomfortable).
We drank our beers and had a chat about weight. I joked about the Magnolia’s stop and the beer and how it would affect my waist. He casually made a comment about my weight. This wasn’t the first time he alluded to my size. Over the summer, I was extremely confident about my body, but once fall arrived, I put on a few pounds. By no means was I fat, but I wasn’t as sexy as I was over the summer. I asked him,”What’s your waist size?” He told me and was shocked to learn mine, 32″, was only one inch larger than his. He couldn’t believe it. I wanted to point out to him we share similar body shapes, even though I think he thought I was heftier. I made a lot of jokes about losing weight not for him, but in spite of him. I was making it a serious goal to lose weight just to prove it to Smiles I could. He looked at me with skepticism. I still couldn’t believe he was basically calling me fat, even if it was playful.
After we finished our beers, we continued to a bar he frequented, Diablo Royale. He knew the bartender quite well. We found a nice corner to stand in and chat. We took in all the costumes around the room. I remember specifically realizing I didn’t feel 100% comfortable with Smiles yet. I questioned this. We’d been dating for some time, and while I enjoyed his company, I felt I couldn’t completely relax. It was as if I was on a constant audition.
When we had our fill of the night, he walked me to the waterfront. Even more than usual, there was quite a cast of characters walking around. He pointed out a piece or property he’s had his eye on for some time he’d like to develop. I agreed with him about the possibilities for the property. That night, he was opening up to me more about work. I liked learning about that side of his life. I shared a lot of the passions he had in that respect. Finally, he walked me back to the PATH. It was 12:30, and I knew I would be heading home. This was one time I wasn’t hoping/expecting to go home with him. I had to work the next day. I was still shocked and very pleasantly surprised the date didn’t end after dinner. He gave me a kiss, and I hopped on the PATH.
He was quite sweet and affectionate that night, but we still hadn’t completely clicked. Something was still missing, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it…
Follow @onegayatatimeThe Game — Hard To Get
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on November 29, 2011
As predicted, Monday was the day from hell. We had a huge pitch on Tuesday morning, so it was constant work until the end.
There was already no chance Smiles and I would see each other. However, we did get to chat on the phone briefly. He had to do work with his film, and I would be working until the wee hours of the morning to finalize the content for the pitch. I didn’t end up leaving my office until 1:30am.
I really wanted to see him Tuesday. I wasn’t going to be around the rest of the week, and whenever I have a long work pitch or long work trip, I look forward to decompressing with a sexy guy, even if it doesn’t involve sex. I asked him if we could do something, but he already made plans.
I was heading home Wednesday for my grandfather’s funeral. It was going to be a while before I got to see him again, and I was really disappointed. Things were really getting strained between us, at least on my end. We weren’t having sex as often as I’d like, and I was constantly on a roller-coaster of emotions. Smiles would pay a lot of attention to me and make me feel great, and then retract and shy away from me. I didn’t know how much more I could take it.
I decided I was going to play hard-to-get. I wasn’t going to text or call at all. If he still wanted to see me, he was going to have to put in the effort. I was at my emotional breaking point.
This was no easy task for me. I struggled with it. I carried my phone with me everywhere I went in case he tried to call or text, but it was silent. Part of me wondered if he thought it was a very personal family time, and he just didn’t want to bother me. But, the bigger part of me thought he had other things with which he was preoccupied.
Finally, Thursday he texted me to see how I was doing. It was progress. He was texting to check up on me, and I appreciated it. I texted him back after some time passed.
When Friday came about, he called and left a message. It was impeccable timing. I was just about to walk into the funeral parlor when my phone began ringing. After the viewing, I stepped out from the family gathering and called him back. We had a nice conversation.
The following day, I went to the funeral. Afterwards, I came home. I have awful cell service at my parents’ house. I finally managed to get signal by using the Wi-Fi. Ironically, right after I texted him, we lost power in the snow storm, so if he responded, I couldn’t read it if I tried.
I was home with no power, no internet, no phone and no TV. It had snowed about a foot outside, so we were trapped. On top of it, I was missing the Halloween festivities with my friends back in Hoboken. I wasn’t heartbroken about that, but I was disappointed. Instead, I spent the day shaking snow off trees so the branches wouldn’t break.
I was really feeling ignored overall by Smiles. The time away wasn’t a good thing for me. It was making me realize how little attention he was paying to me. I started to think about some of the other prospects I had spoken to. I could have pursued LES, but he was young and lived in an inconvenient part of town. There were a few guys who were still sending me messages on OKCupid. While I wasn’t seeking out anyone new, I maintained communication with them. I was now beginning to think about them as prospects. All I knew was I deserved better. Was I just jumping the gun? Was it still early with him? I personally thought we should have been over that hump, and if he was interested in me, he’d want to spend more time with me.
When Sunday arrived, my sister and I made our way back to Hoboken. It was a bit of an adventure with the snowfall and trees laying across the road. Once I got back to Hoboken, I hopped on Facebook. Smiles messaged me, and I learned he lost his phone. He told me about going out for Halloween and how he lost it. We made plans to grab brunch, and I made my way into the city. I didn’t forget about the lack of attention he paid me, but I tried to concentrate on the moment at hand. I was going to proceed with skeptical optimism. It was the only way I was going to keep my sanity.
Follow @onegayatatimeTurning Over a New Leaf
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 5, 2011
With the passing of Labor Day, summer officially ended in my book. I was sad to see it go. Like always, it flew by in no time. Its passing wasn’t all sadness, however. My favorite season was right around the corner. The changing of the leaves, the crisp air, the smell of fireplaces… all things I loved about the fall.
Just as the seasons were transforming, so too was I. Since I broke up with N, I went off the deep end. Part of this is because I never had my wild time. While everyone else was hooking up and experimenting in high school and college, I was being a good boy. I sat there and watched everyone else experience relationships and casual sex. I was asexual. Sure, I had my fair share of hookups with women, but nothing worth writing home about.
When I finally accepted myself and came to terms with my homosexuality, I found myself in a relationship right off the bat. I never had a chance to meet new guys and discover new things. Following my breakup with Broadway, I had a short window of wild time, but it was mainly filled with dates that ended with me going home alone. Then came San Francisco, shortly followed by N. This summer was the first time I was single and gay. Did I live it up? Yes. Am I proud of everything I did? Hell no, but I also have no regrets. Everything was an experience, whether it was something I learned from or something that made me a better person.
I began to look back and examine my summer. I wasn’t being true to who I am — True to myself. I don’t have casual sex. I’m a monogamist. I crave a meaningful relationship with a special guy who appreciates me, body and soul. If I kept sleeping around, I was never going to find this. I need to make a change. I thought I would be able to ease into it when I returned from Martha’s Vineyard, but I was wrong. I needed to be more drastic. I was going to be a good boy, even if it meant the palm of my hand would be raw.
I had two friends with benefits. I needed to cut them off completely. Closet was still messaging me since we last hooked up. “Hey man, haven’t talked to you on a while. Hope all is well. Don’t want to sound insecure or anything(too late), and I know you said its not a bother to text/email you, but just FYI in case that ever changes just let me know you’re lookin for something different or you’re seeing someone else. Lol feel free to lie to me, just would rather know if you’d rather me step back… I don’t want to become one of those creepers that I keep hearing about haha. Anyway hope to see you sometime, even to meet out for a drink or something. Later man.”
I originally found both my friends with benefits on adam4adam.com, so I sent them both messages on there. I lied and told them I was seeing someone, and I wouldn’t be able to see either of them anymore: “Hey dude. Sorry I haven’t hit you up. Everything is fine. I have started seeing someone, and I decided I need to stop with hookups outside a relationship regardless of that person. I think you’re a great guy, and I had a great time with you! Don’t doubt that. I just need to find a serious relationship right now, so I’m concentrating on that. I hope you understand!!!”
While the muscular weekend hookup simply replied, “No worries,”
Closet had a few more things to say: “Hey bro, its cool. No hard feelings. I mean can’t say I’m not disappointed, cause putting the physical aside, you really seem like a great guy, and I’m glad we met. Honestly, I felt weird saying it to you before, but now what the hell hehe…you’re the first guy I was with that made me think I wanna come out(not to mention my first for a few other things, lol). Obviously not saying I was in love after a few hookups lol, but I felt something more than just empty sex. I’m considering it after the holidays this year (you know, one last Christmas where the family likes me, hehe), but I’ll revisit that one later. Anyways, you’re a great catch, and I hope you find a great guy – and my offer remains open if you wanna grab a beer, just as a friend, hit me up. Thanks again dude, and I hope our paths cross again sometime. P.s. Two more things… 1. Thanks for being so patient with me in bed and all that, even though I still need to loosen up a little (pun intended), you really made me feel comfortable. 2. If you ever run into me while out at bars or whatever, cuz I’ve been in Hoboken quite a bit lately, feel free to say hi. I’m trying to gradually cut back on the paranoia part of all this.”
I felt pretty bad about the situation with Closet. It was obvious he was starting to fall for me, but I had no interest in pursuing anything with him. I knew I was right to cut it off when I did.
Outside of my regulars, I gave up Grindr cold turkey. I knew it would be too tempting to fall into something if they were hot and looking to hookup.
I joined OKCupid, was checking ManHunt and adam4adam.com regularly to see if there were any guys reaching out to me I’d be interested in meeting. It wasn’t easy finding a man up ’til now. I couldn’t expect it to get any easier just because I stopped hooking up with random men. None of the men I went on dates with previously showed any interest in seeing me again. Pillow and The Trainer kept giving me the runaround, so I had to learn when to simply give up and move on.
I started to wonder what was wrong with me. What was I doing wrong? Without the sex and without the happy feeling I get when I have a prospective guy I’m seeing, I started getting cranky. This was going to be a learning experience for me. I needed to not only find a man, but also to find myself. In the meantime, everyone around me would to have to watch out. I was not a happy camper…
Follow @onegayatatimeParty Like a Rockstar
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 30, 2011
After my post car-ride romp with Closet, I set off for the city to meet up with the tattooed, long-haired hunk I’d been chatting with for months. He sent me some of the sexiest pictures I’d ever seen. He was nothing like any type of guy I’d ever dated, but there was something about him that really drew me in. Every time I showed my friends/roommates his picture, they exclaimed their disapproval and pointed out how difficult it was for them to picture us fitting together.
However, I don’t always listen to my friends. He was both sexy and stimulating on a conversational level. I am an equal-opportunity dater. I will meet with almost anyone to see if chemistry exists. Everyone deserves a chance.
I texted him as I walked to the PATH to find out what the plan was and where we were headed. Earlier in the day, he asked what I had in mind. I knew he didn’t drink, so I suggested grabbing coffee or a bite or taking a walk. He responded to my texts explaining a friend was feeling a little down and wanted to hit up a movie. Would I be interested in something like that? I wondered what was up here. Did he feel a chaperone was necessary? Was he not that interested after all? You can’t exactly chat much in a movie. It’s perfect for a third or fourth date. You just sit and hold hands/stroke each other’s arms and enjoy just being with each other, but as far as a first date goes, it’s not the best option.
I agreed and asked him to tell me where to meet him. He gave me the cross streets that are near his apartment. I hopped on the PATH, got off at Christopher Street and got in a cab to cut across town to the Lower East Side. I wasn’t particularly thrilled with where he lived. It was a very inconvenient neighborhood for me to reach on a daily basis, but again, I couldn’t let something like that get in the way. And, who knows? Maybe he would just become a booty call.
I arrived at the corner to find him in an old rocker tee with the sleeves cut off, safety pins joining a big tear in the material, ripped jeans and boots. He was in great shape as well, with his biceps exposed. He was nothing like the guys I’d ever gone on dates before, but I was entranced. He looked great. I examined his tattoos as we walked.
In the biggest twist of irony, we skipped the idea of hitting the movies. There was no mention of it at all. Instead, he turned to me a proposed, “Wanna go grab a cupcake?” It was precious to hear those words coming out of this tough, hard rocker guy. It was a big part of what drew me to him. Rough exterior with a soft cream filling. I graciously obliged, and we made our way to the coffee shop. He ordered a tea and a red velvet cake while I grabbed a slice or tiramisu and a SmartWater. We sat on the two seats sitting on the sidewalk outside the shop and began chatting.
I learned about his job and his hobbies. He is a songwriter in his spare time, and a few years ago, he was part of a rock band. He took the time to show me some of the videos he cut together with their music as well. I was duly impressed. He shot almost all the footage himself and edited the videos together to the soundtrack he wrote and his band (or him solo) performed. I actually liked many of the tracks and appreciated his talent. I think he was impressed a piece of white bread like myself would be interested in music of that genre. I genuinely liked it and would have put some of them on my iPod. I told him he’d have to send me some of them when he got home later.
We chatted about what I do for work, and it segued into some of this other projects as well. He did screen prints and tee shirts as well. I liked this guy’s entrepreneurial spirit on top of his day job (not including for anonymity’s sake). When they were ready to close up shop, we made our way down the street. He was looking to buy cigarettes, so we walked to a few shops to find his brand.
In the meantime, we saw two brightly lit flying objects hover over a highrise building and then disappear. I am in no way saying this was an alien, but it certainly was a UFO. He pulled out his iPhone and captured some quick video of the incident and immediately posted it to Facebook. We were both baffled as to what they could be, as well as where they disappeared to.
As we continued to walk, we somehow got onto the topic of his celebrity. He happened to be a contestant on a reality competition show on Bravo. I was now beyond impressed by his talents. He detailed some of his creativity through the challenges and told me how far along he made it. I don’t know why he didn’t bring this topic of conversation up earlier. Some of the previous conversation was dry, and this would have breathed new life into the conversation. I was more interested in the idea of the competition than I was with the fact he was on TV.
After sharing a cigarette and looking at some of his artwork on his iPhone, the time came to say goodbye. I was a little disappointed I got no action. It was obvious he wasn’t that interested in me, but I was still attracted to him. He gave me a hug, and I flagged down a cab.
Since the date, we’ve become Facebook friends and have chatted a few times, but I don’t see a second date in our future. However, that doesn’t mean a friendship won’t blossom where a relationship would fail…
Follow @onegayatatimeSex On The Beach
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 28, 2011
Friday had come and gone on the island, and I behaved myself. I was trying to enjoy my time with my friends and stop thinking about finding a guy to hang out with, hookup or not. But, when Saturday rolled around and most of my friends were all coupled up, I started feeling lonely once again.
We went to a bar in Oak Bluff, Offshore Ale Company, to pregame for a night on the town. We ordered plates of french fries and tried some of the many beers they offered on tap. Everyone was well on their to a drunk night.
Throughout the night, I texted the Russian and tried to get him to come out to the bar. He wasn’t interested. However, he was quite horny and was looking to meet up with me. He proposed we hit up a remote stretch of beach between Oak Bluff and Vineyard Haven. He told me he’d drive over and pick me up in twenty minutes. I had patchy service everywhere on the island (Thanks for nothing T-Mobile!), so I was worried he wasn’t going to be able to reach me. Ironically, that night at the bar, I had exceptional service, but almost forty minutes passed by with no word from him. I texted, but I received no response.
I figured he was either running behind or something came up, so I contined to hang out with my friends. Ironically, I ran into my college teammate’s best friend whom I’ve drank with many times in Hoboken. We chatted a bit before he needed to leave, and then I made my way back to the rest of the gang.
I excused myself to go outside to call the Russian and see what was up. I told everyone I’d be back in a minute after I made a phone call. When I got outside, I saw him standing by his car. He apologized for not getting back to me because he forgot his phone at home. I hopped in his car, and we left for the beach. I texted one of my friends to explain I wasn’t coming back in the bar, but I would join up with them later in the night.
We pulled off the road into a small parking lot by the beach. Just as we were walking down to the sand, another car pulled up. We figured we’d need to walk a bit to get out of site of the new arrivals. It didn’t help the moon was bright that night. (Warning: The following may be too graphic for some). When we found a spot, we started to make out. He unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants. He got down on his knees in the sand and went to town. He felt amazing. Already, this was much better than the ginger and the construction site. All attention was coming to me, and I was basking in it. He took off his sweatshirt and laid it on the ground and laid down on his back on top of it. I laid on top of him. By now, both our shirts were off and our pants were around our ankles.
We agreed there would be no penetration, but we were going to have our fun in other ways. And, boy did we. We tried many positions and permutations, trying to avoid getting sandy at all times. After we finished decorating the sand, we got dressed carefully and walked back to the car. The last thing I wanted was to spend the rest of the night at the bar with sand in my clothes and boxers. We sat on the hood of the car and shared a cigarette. When it was finished, we hopped in, and he drove me back to town where my friends were drinking and dancing at the bar.
I arrived too late and was not granted access, however, this worked out well because some friends were heading home anyway. I joined them to head home for some late-night mac n’ cheese.
It was nice to have a friend with benefits on the island. He lived on the island year-round and makes his living in various ways, one of which is photography. This would be the last action I got on my vacation, but that didn’t mean the conversation ended there.
Since leaving Martha’s Vineyard, I became Facebook friends with the Russian. The Boston guy with the girlfriend has made it a point to text and email me the dates he is coming to New York City. The ginger photojournalist has texted me once to reiterate the good time he had and to ask how the rest of my vacation was going once he arrived back in D.C. Overall, it was a nice ego boost. Apparently I’m that good and hot enough they felt the need to followup.
Most likely, I will never see any of them again, but I take with me some fun memories and new experiences. Just as my vacation was ending, my priorities began to shift. Sex was starting to severely lose its mystique. It tends to do that when you have meaningless sex. I needed a change and this was a good transition point. When I got home, things were going to be different — Or at least that was the plan…
Follow @onegayatatimeA Southern Gentleman
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 30, 2011
Before I went to OCMD, I was talking to a southern gentleman who found me on Grindr. We hit it off immediately. He seemed like a level-headed guy, and he was 35. After my last failed relationship with a 25 year-old, I decided older was better. San Francisco opened me up to the idea of dating a man of that age, and I had a good feeling about it.
The Southern Gent and I messaged each other a lot on Grindr. We also exchanged pictures. He found me exceptionally sexy, and I found him to be quite attractive. He was no super model, but he certainly took care of himself. We exchanged Facebook information. I looked through all his pictures. They were of him being crazy at a wedding, boating on a lake, safari hunting in Africa, etc. The guy had a picture of a Zebra he took down. I was impressed and swooning a bit.
We tried to figure out a good time to meet, but it always conflicted with his schedule or mine. After a while, he went completely dark. We made plans to meet one Sunday night, but when that weekend came, I got no response to the many text messages and phone calls I made. “I can only assume you lost interest already… Not sure if I did something, but I’ve sent you msgs with no response. Was excited to meet you… If I’m wrong, you know how to reach me.”
An entire week went by, and I heard no word from him. I removed him from my favorites on Grindr so I wouldn’t have to look at him every time I pulled it up. Of course, that’s when he started to message me again. He apologize emphatically for not getting back to me and blamed most of it on getting a new job. I’m definitely one for giving second chances, and I though he would be a great match for me, so I agreed to meet him when I got back from my vacation.
While in Maryland, we texted periodically. We set up a date for the Sunday evening upon my return home. He picked Pier I Cafe on the Upper West Side. I took the bus into the city and hopped in a cab the rest of the way. I made my way down to the Hudson waterfront and saw him immediately. He had a very New England country club look about him. I liked it. He didn’t look like a snob, but he looked like he appreciated the finer things in life.
We both grabbed beers and tried to find somewhere to plop down. There were no tables available, so we found a cement wall to sit on. We got to know each other slowly. We talked about our jobs, our living situations, working out, college, etc. The conversation was flowing quite easily. He is an architect, which is something that has always interested me. I found it sexy. The one hangup I had with him was he turned into a total queen every time he laughed. He was a bit flamboyant. He could have sucked all the air out of the room after every laugh had we been indoors. It was extremely off-putting. I’m sure you’re all judging me as picky at this point, but it was hard to look past. I was starting to get annoyed with these guys who claimed to be masculine. It’s my one real hangup in the gay dating world, and guys self-judge this aspect of their lives VERY poorly. Basically, I’m attracted to dudes who just so happen to be attracted to other dudes as well, not some big ‘mo.
I also started to gauge the level of chemistry between us. It wasn’t exactly at its peak either. We shared a lot in common, but I could tell the attraction wasn’t there on both sides. We both passionately talked about cooking and our specialties. It was an interesting conversation. After a while, I noticed one of my friends. He also noticed me, so on one of his trips to the bar, he swung by to say hi. I introduced him to the Southern Gent and talked to him about how things were going since his marriage in Key West.
Four rounds and one basket of calamari later, it was time to go home. I gave him a small kiss on the lips and said, “We should do this again sometime.” I didn’t have such a good feeling about our chemistry as I did before the date. I was a little disappointed, but I thought maybe I needed to give him a second chance. I would leave that up to him. If he was interested, he would followup the date with a phone call. When the call never came, I knew my suspicions were accurate. I unfriended him on Facebook so I could write about my dates without feeling guilty.
I was disappointed it didn’t work out, but that was based on an assumption I made before I even met him. I would need to not get my hopes up so high before the first date. It would be the downfall of my morale if I let the bad dates and disappointment get to me…
Follow @onegayatatimeStuck in the Middle with You
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 15, 2011
Just when I thought I removed myself form the drama between N and NC, I got sucked right back in.
NC and I had grown a bit closer since he moved away. I forgave him for all the roommate games he played, and he became one of my confidants. I don’t have many gay friends, so I try to hold onto the few that come into my life.
NC told me he was going to confront N about deleting him on Facebook. “Effin [NC] messages me. What a joke,” N gChatted to me. I told him I already knew, but I also told him I knew he sold me out to NC. “I said that I deleted him bc we’re not friends. Friends don’t lie to other people about their friends. He asked how he lied. I said ask you and ask [his coworker], because I’m not getting into it with him. That it’s not worth my time,” he retorted.
It’s fine if he had beef and didn’t want to deal with him, but he didn’t need to throw his coworker and I under the bus. “But, now you drug me into the middle of it cause he’s asking me how he lied,” I said. “Sh*t!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t even think about that when I said it. I was just so taken back by his gall that I just said it without thinking. I’m sorry. F! I didn’t even think of it.”
I was very annoyed with him. Damn right he didn’t think of it. He didn’t think at all before opening his mouth. “Ughhhh! I managed to repair things with him… Cause I’m a forgiving person… Hopefully this blows over…” I typed. It was damage control time. I was legitimately worried NC would be p*ssed at me for opening my mouth. Luckily, NC wasn’t phased by any of this, and somehow I managed to smooth things over with NC fairly quickly. But, I wasn’t going to tell N that right away. Let him feel bad for a little after dragging me into the drama.
N started texting me. “In a meeting but cant get over this. I’m very sorry I brought you up! I got very aggravated and lost my collectiveness for those moments.” Good. He felt really bad. What he did was wrong. I did my damage control, but what about his coworker? When he came back to his computer, he felt the need to elaborate on the full story. I pretty much already knew it from NC. I was already moving on to talk to Boston in the background. My one sane outlet in the gay world. My gay guru. I was filling him in on all my drama, and I could just picture him shaking his head in disapproval.
N elaborated, “I said ‘Just know you shouldn’t lie to people about things you do with others or the way interactions go on between you and someone else. It’s unattractive and makes you look like an as$hole.’ His response: ‘So is taking bathroom pictures of yourself of your new “beach-ready?” body and using it on facebook… Get a life dude. Your such a drama queen.’ Am I offended? Kinda. Does it bother me? A little. Am I drama queen? IDK.” Once again, he delivered a very off-color insult I didn’t need to hear.
I needed out. This was not my battle. I needed to get back to Switzerland status. He continued to talk, “I said ‘LOL. Good luck in life. Hopefully you’ll finding Mr. Right Now in Atlanta. How did you “repair” things with him and what was there to repair?’ ” I told him I needed to go so I could finish my work and make it to yoga. I already checked out of this drama long ago. He mentioned he would come to yoga that night. It would probably be good for him to calm down after all this drama. He also promised to bring over the clothes he borrowed from me after yoga.
Of course, he neither showed up to yoga nor brought over my clothes. Flaked once again. The next morning, I got a text explaining, “Hey you. I didn’t get in until 1:30. I went out for my friend’s birthday. I’ll bring them over tonight if you’re not busy. I’m batting 1000 with you.” Yea… he really was. This friendship thing wasn’t really working for me, but I would just sit back and be patient for the drama to end.
Follow @onegayatatimeBlackout Regret & Poor Life Choices
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 5, 2011
On Thursday, I talked to N on GChat during work hours. It was simple banter. At the same time, I was confiding in NC. We talked about the conversation we had, and he consoled me. He told me, “You’re a good looking guy, good job, etc. Don’t set yourself up to get hurt.” I said, “Thanks! I really needed that!” “It’s true,” he said. “It’s true. I woulda hooked up with you. Not that it means much.”
I had a feeling this was true. I could feel the sexual tension when he stayed the night in my roommates bed. I responded, “And yet, you didn’t. Haha.” “Had I had a few more drinks and wasn’t planning on moving in with you, I woulda suggested cuddling that night,” he replied. This was welcome information considering I felt the same way that night, so I let him know: “And had you not been planning to move in, I totally would have.” I further thanked him and explained, “I know I’m hot and I’m a catch, but for someone to do this to me, sapped a bit of my confidence…”
By the end of the day, N informed me he was going to a work function following work. Thursday was a typical night for me to meet up with friends at my favorite bar, but I wasn’t particularly in the mood to go out with them.
Instead, when I got home, I texted my new gay gym buddy and asked if he was going to be at the gym. He was, so I told him I’d meet him there. Over the past few weeks, I saw him periodically, and we chatted. I would keep him in the loop on my failing relationship, and he would chat with me about his issues. Together, we were providing a little bit of therapy for each other.
I got there and had a chat between lifting. I could tell he was starting to get better, but I certainly was headed downhill since he first met me. I didn’t want to drag him back down with me, so I only told him some of the highlights.
When I was nearly finished lifting, N texted me, “Hey. You wanna go out tonight?” Of course my heart lept a little. I was happy he wanted to spend time with me. Maybe this friendship thing wouldn’t be so hard. Maybe we could shift right into friendship mode with no speed bumps. I played it coy, however. I asked him what time and where. Then, I informed him I was still at the gym and had to go home, shower, eat, and then I would be ready. Since he was still at his work function, the timing would work out perfectly.
As I left the gym, I wondered if this was a group thing or just the two of us. We still had a few things we needed to chat about, and I wasn’t sure if tonight was going to be the time for that conversation. I had said to him, “Maybe sometime we can get drunk and put it all out there and have a good laugh about this.” But maybe this wasn’t that sometime.
After I showered I came out to the kitchen to find L there.. I filled her in on the latest details and began to pour myself some Johnnie Walker. I texted N and asked him what time he wanted to hit the bar and asked where we were headed. He informed me he couldn’t find anyone to go out and asked what I wanted to do. I told him I would hit up my friends and see what I could round up, but I still wanted to go out regardless.
Apparently, it wasn’t going to be just the two of us. I was able to find two friends who were willing to go out, and I told them I would keep them in the loop when I knew what the plan was.
N texted and said he wanted to save some money by pregaming. He asked if he should grab a bottle from the liquor store to replenish some of the liquor he drank at my apartment. I graciously accepted the offer and told him I would see him in a few.
I was two glasses of scotch deep at this point, and my conversation with L was getting quite silly. Not sure why it hit me so fast, considering I can hold my liquor like a champ! After 20 minutes, I texted N asking what was taking him so long. He responded, “Walking out the door now.”
He came by with a bottle of Grey Goose. When he walked in the door, I got a luke-warm hug and a peck on the check, but that was to be expected. It just wasn’t what I was used to. I was also on to my third hefty glass of scotch. The Grey Goose wasn’t all he brought with him. He also brought some recreational supplies. I asked if he wanted to go out on the porch and smoke, but he wasn’t really feeling it. After some arm-twisting, he complied. I don’t know if it was the smoking or the spending time alone with me on the porch he was avoiding, but looking back I’m willing to bet it was the time alone with me.
When we came back in, I plopped down on the couch with another glass of scotch and the rest of the bottle of Johnnie. He sat in a chair rather far from me. L joined us as well after I extended an invitation. I was hoping her presence would help cut the tension.
The three of us sat and chatted while we drank. After some time, N’s roommate joined us. We talked about random things I can’t remember because the scotch began to kick in. At one point, N said something exceptionally person I never knew about him. It really pulled at my heartstrings. All I could think about was how much I wanted to give him a hug. I texted him and said, “You never told me about any of that.” He responded, “We never got that far, and I don’t like normally bringing it up unless it comes up in conversation.”
I asked him if he would come out on the balcony with me. His response: “I don’t mean to be rude, but why?” After that, I lost all the emotional sympathy I was feeling and received his message loud and clear. I said, “Forget it.” Of course, after that, he wanted to know what I wanted to talk about, but I told him to just forget it. We texted each other a few more times while we sat a few feet apart. I was now wasted. One of his texts even said, “You need more ice.”
Since it was getting late, N’s roommate and my roommate went to bed.
After that, everything is a blackout for me. The next thing I remember, I woke up alone and in a panic. It was the next morning, and I couldn’t remember N leaving my apartment that night. He wasn’t in my bed, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember how the night ended. I could hear L outside my door, so I shouted, “Did I do anything dumb last night!?” She told me we were still in the living room when she went to bed, so she had no idea.
I knew I needed to do some damage control. I didn’t know if I did anything inappropriate, but I knew at that point N was the only one who could tell me what happened. I texted him to ask what happened and preemptively apologize if I did anything wrong. I also explained that I had fun just hanging with him and our roommates and added, “Last thing I wanna do is make it uncomfortable…”
He responded, “We made out for a little bit. Then you tried bringing me in the bedroom but I couldn’t… That wouldn’t have been right for either of us.” I slapped myself in the forhead. Of course I did that. I responded, “Thank you for telling me this and thank you for being a gentleman.”
Surprisingly, he replied, “We both knew we wanted to but I couldn’t, especially with you as drunk as you were and I having sobered up.” I thanked him again for being a gentleman, and he countered, “No need to thank me… I’ll always be there for you.” It was a sweet notion. I had a lot of regret for putting us both in that position and was disappointed in myself for acting like a child.
Later that Friday, we talked on Gchat about the events of the night before. It was a very adult and civilized conversation. I was happy for that. We even spoke about what would have happened if I weren’t incapacitated by alcohol. While the conversation was nice, I knew for my own sake, I needed to put more distance between us, or I would never be able to get over him.
As the day progressed, N read my blog again. He read about NC commenting on my ability to do better and was not happy about it. I tried to calm him down, but there was already bad blood between the two. He decided to remove NC from his life and unfriended him on Facebook and blocked him on Gchat.
When 1:00 rolled around, I left work after a half day. I was headed to Belmar at the Jersey Shore with three friends and my sister for the weekend. I was very excited to get away and have some fun. I just got through the week from hell and needed some distractions. I would be free to do whatever and whomever I chose, and that made me very happy!
Follow @onegayatatimeWhat Do You Want From This?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 27, 2011
Tuesday came and went, and N and I barely talked. We usually messaged each other during the day at work on Gchat, but that day he wasn’t able to sign on. I was a little suspicious, but he said it happens periodically. I asked him to come over that night, and he said he would come by late. He wanted to go to the gym since he didn’t go the night before and ate and drank a lot at the graduation party.
I needed to further our discussion about what we were doing and where we were heading. I wasn’t satisfied with the current path laid out, so something needed to change.
When he came over, things were awkward. I didn’t get nearly the warm greeting I usually got. He hadn’t eaten, so he ordered a ton of food — Enough to feed three people. He also brought along supplies to smoke. We went out on the balcony so he could smoke. I was still feeling nauseous and not eating much. He mentioned smoking might be a good thing for my nausea. I hadn’t thought of that, and immediately agreed. The idea of smoking in my state wasn’t appealing, but the idea of feeling better sounded great at that point.
I asked him if we could talk about us. I wanted to get to him before his state of mind was altered. He responded, “Can I eat my food first?” Begrudgingly, I agreed, but this was torture for me. I knew it wouldn’t be a quick meal, and this was already eating at me for days. But, I would have to wait longer. We chatted a bit while I watched him eat, but the conversation was superficial and lacked substance.
When he was finishing eating, I was getting very flirtatious with him. I don’t know why I did this. Maybe I thought it was the only way to grab his attention. Maybe I was simply horny. Either way, we were making out in the kitchen and moved things to the bedroom. We had some fun and pleasured each other.
Warning: The following paragraph may be more graphic than you are used to reading here. When we got into bed, I started with the heavy petting and started using my mouth. After a short bit, we switched, and N gave me head. He always told me how much he enjoyed my dick and the taste of it. Whether or not this was just a line I will never know. I noticed immediately he was utilizing some new techniques. Of course my mind began to wonder where these came from? Another man recently perhaps? Either way, it felt great. Normally it took me some time to finish, but not tonight. He was finding all the right spots. I was very close, and right when he went deep, I exploded down the back of his throat. I didn’t make a noise when this was happening. I assumed he knew and that’s why he went deeper. When he pulled back, he asked why I didn’t tell him I was going to finish. I reminded him of an earlier discussion we had in which he told me I never needed to warn him of that. A big part of me did it on purpose. I did it in a power move. It made me feel like I had the upper hand. However, the power shifted almost immediately. He didn’t swallow all of my seed. A good portion was deposited back al over his hand. He motioned as if he was going to slap my chest with his semen-covered hand, but I protested. Instead, he quickly shifted and slid a semen-covered finger across my forehead and proclaimed, “Simba” and began to perform a victory dance around my bedroom. I have never before been so disrespected in my life. This one act solidified in my mind my status as his convenient booty call. No one disrespects someone they care about in this manner.
When we were finished, I ended up, arms folded, resting naked on his chest. Our faces were locked on each other, and I posed my question again, “Now can we talk about us?”
This whole time I felt like such a woman. I was doing all the things a needy girl does in a relationship, and I didn’t like it. But, I didn’t know what else to do. I needed answers, and I needed to know if he still had feelings for me.
So, I started the conversation. I asked, “What do you want from this?” I didn’t get a response. So, I posed another a better-phrased question, “Do you like where things are going?” He responded with a definitive yes. He explained he really enjoys spending time with me and thinks things were progressing well. I then asked, “Do you think we’re moving too fast?” Again, he said yes, and I agreed with him. We only knew each other a month and a half and he was spending almost every night in my bed. I took a lot of the blame here. I should have known better then to put us into that situation considering how new a gay relationship was for him. I asked if he wanted to take a step back, and again he said yes. I agreed and explained maybe we shouldn’t spend so much time together. In my mind, in light of recent events, I was already taking a step back to protect my own feelings. Now, I was going to give him all the space he needed. I was no longer going to be the first to initiate contact. I would respond to his messages, but I was going to give him a lot of space.
I know my hands were not clean at all. I had sex with another man. I justified it in my mind because it was just sex, and it was just to even the playing field for the suspected cheating. I had no emotional attachment to the man. But, in my mind, what N did at the bar was so much worse. I felt he was seeking out another relationship under my nose, not just a physical need. I now know how warped and hypocritical all this sounds, but at the time, it made sense to me.
I then took the opportunity to address N’s time spent on Grindr and at the gym. As he did two days earlier, he told me he was not actively seeking anything. He was just talking, “and not like ‘I want to stick it in your ass’ talking.” I knew better. No one just talks on Grindr. After all, it’s how I met N, and it’s how I met the random hookup. I wasn’t buying his line about just talking at all.
I told him if this was going to work, he needed to be completely honest with me. I could stand not being exclusive (or so I thought), but if that was the case, I needed to be kept in the loop. Looking back, I knew better. I don’t share my men. I knew that was not an arrangement I could be a part of, but I wasn’t ready to let him go.
We talked about how he didn’t need to spend every night with in my bed. He lived across the street. Some nights we could just do our own thing. He needed freedom, and I needed to give it to him if I wanted to keep him.
With that, it was starting to get late. I walked over to my phone and asked what time he needed to get up in the morning so I could set the alarm. He responded, “Well, I was going to go home.” I think my facial expression must have said a lot, because he immediately began to back peddle. He said, “No, but I’ll stay.” I said, “You can go home. You don’t have to stay. It’s fine.” I wasn’t even simply being passive aggressive. He insisted on staying now, and I gave him one more out. At this point, he pulled down the covers and got under the sheets.
The fact that he wanted to leave after our discussion painted a clearer picture for me. This was over. I didn’t fully know it yet, but we were done.
Follow @onegayatatimeSick to My Stomach
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 26, 2011
Monday morning, I woke to the sound of my alarm clock. The night before, N entertained the idea of taking the day off or working from home, however, this morning, his tone changed. He rushed to get ready for work since he was late, as usual. While he got dressed, everything from the night before slowly bubbled up in my brain. My disposition changed as I realized the hell my relationship was in. He gave me a kiss goodbye, and I gave him a forced smile as he walked out the door. I could tell by the expression on his face he knew how I was feeling.
Besides feeling like someone ripped my heart from my chest, I was feeling even sicker than the day before. My stomach was turning. I had so much work to do that day, but I couldn’t fathom going into the office. All morning, I was back n forth to the bathroom. I also realized sitting at home all day by myself with just my thoughts for company would be THE WORST thing possible for me at the time. The distraction of work would be a good for me, but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t know if I could make the walk to the PATH, let alone make it through the whole day, so I called in sick.
All morning, I curled up in a ball on the couch watching TV. I tried to eat a bowl of cereal, but after four bites, I felt nauseous. I really did a number on myself that weekend. I drank very heavily both Friday and Saturday well into the morning, as well as a few cocktails on Sunday, which was because I thought a little hair of the dog might help. NOPE!
After a while, I tried to fall asleep, but sadly all I could do was think about N. I started to tear up again, but refused to let myself cry. Finally, out of exhaustion, I fell asleep.
After some time, my roommate’s girlfriend came by. She was packing their things for their move to a new apartment. I needed someone to talk to, so I told her what happened. She gave me her take on the situation and offered advice. I didn’t fully agree with her on some things, but I knew she was right about most of it. It just wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I knew in my brain I needed to break up with him — the guy in which I had zero trust to be faithful to me. But, my heart was not in sync. It still wanted him — this great guy I met and integrated into my life so easily. I was torn. I knew if I just had hard proof, it would be the closure I needed to get over it and end things with him.
Nevertheless, I didn’t think our conversation was over. I didn’t have all the answers I needed, and if I was going to be treated like a second string booty call, this relationship was over. I asked him if he would be around that night since he couldn’t spend the day at home with me. He responded by telling me he completely forgot, until his roommate reminded him, he was going to her brother’s graduation party and would be spending the night. I would not see him for at least another 36 hours.
A big red flag went up in my head. Since I had no trust in him whatsoever, I began stalking him on Grindr. Was he meeting up with a man? Grindr would tell me how far away he was. I knew his job was 6 miles from my apartment. At one point that evening, he was 10 miles away, and then it jumped to 33 miles away. Of course, my brain racked over what the pit stop was. Did he stop at a Grindr friend’s apartment on the way to the party for a quickie? Who knew? This is was I was reduced to.
I was driving myself insane, so I took my frustrations out on someone who was bothering me for some time, Gatsbie69. The week before I met N on Grindr, I met what seemed to be the perfect guy for me also on Grindr. He was 28, and his name was Tim, or so he said. We talked for hours between Grindr and AIM. He emailed me numerous pictures of him and his hot body, but something never quite added up. Long story short, we discussed our lives and interests and matched up quite well. I was excited to meet him, except he always had an excuse why he couldn’t. Over two months, I did some research and came to find how much of a fake he was. I couldn’t figure out what he was getting out of this arrangement, and in my agitated state, I ripped into him that night on AIM. He denied the accusations, but with little fervor. When I finished telling him what an awful person he is, I made sure to make a full report to Grindr for impersonating someone else.
I needed to get out of my apartment. I was driving myself crazy. I texted my friends to see what everyone were up to. I didn’t care what it was. I just needed a distraction. K finally answered. I told her how much of a wreck I was. I explained my lack of appetite during the day (K knows how much I love to eat, so she knew how out of sorts I was), so she invited me over for dinner. I jumped at the invitation. I was at her apartment in five minutes. She made lobster ravioli, and I was able to stomach four of them. So if you’re keeping track, I had four spoonfuls of cereal and four raviolis. But, I couldn’t help it. The thought of food made me nauseous. At this point, I knew it was more than just a hangover. I was causing myself so much emotional distress; it was beginning to affect my digestive system.
I was stronger than this. I didn’t do this. This is not who I am. Why was I letting one boy’s folly tear me down? It was ridiculous! But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake it.
After dinner, I laid on her couch watching TV with her. We didn’t talk, but it was just nice to be with someone and watching mindless TV. She doesn’t realize it, but she really helped me that day. I haven’t felt that depressed in a long time, and I really needed a friend to be there. Thanks K!
When N posted pictures of the party to Facebook, I knew he actually went to the party. When it started to get late, I walked home. I didn’t want to keep K up, and I knew it would probably do me good to get more sleep.
When I got back to my room, I hopped into bed. My California King never felt so empty as it did that night. I know I didn’t want N in my bed that night, but I also know I didn’t want to be alone either. The nightmarish thoughts that were my love life ran though my head until I was finally able to doze off to sleep.
At the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 