Posts Tagged gay sex
Pride Parade
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 25, 2011
The next morning, N woke up to me staring him in the face. I don’t know what I was looking at, but I was definitely looking for answers. When he opened his eyes, his expression said it all. It was as if he woke up from a bad dream, only to find it was reality. He kept blinking and closing his eyes and then looking back into mine. I’m sure he saw the pain that was there. I could tell he wanted to be anywhere else but there at that moment.
Neither of us said anything for a few moments until I broke the silence. “Can we talk about what happened last night?” He nodded in agreement and sat up in the bed. I kind of ambushed him before he even had a chance to wake up, but what could I do? It was all I could think about, and I wanted answers.
We talked about why he was so secretive about dinner with his friends. He denied being secretive and said he was completely upfront with me. When I pointed out a few discrepancies in the story, he brushed them off as details lost in confusion of planning for ten people. Then I addressed him kissing the guy. He flat out denied it still. He told me he didn’t know the guy and it was a peck on the cheek in passing. The body language between the two from what I saw would say otherwise, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I said, even if it was just a peck in passing, why were you talking to him in the first place? Why did you both have your phones out? Was this a guy you met before I arrived at the bar. (The man he kissed was Asian, and sure enough, that Monday, an Asian man friended him and wrote on his Facebook wall. Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not.)
Here, he pled complete ignorance. He told me he had no idea who the guy was and couldn’t remember talking to him. He said he had a dream about talking to a bouncer about music and couldn’t remember what was reality and what was a dream since he was so drunk the night before. I knew this was bullsh*t. In my mind, I took a big step back. This was the ultimate betrayal of trust. We weren’t exclusive, but at this point, if he couldn’t be straight up with me, what did we have? Now, even more so, I felt like I was just a convenient booty call who lived across the street.
I explained how everything looks from my perspective. He stayed home the day before to primp his hair and his body, and donned sexy underwear to a gay club. What was he expecting to happen? He didn’t know I was going to meet up with him until he was already at dinner, so it wasn’t for me, and I pointed he never did that for me in the past. Was he opening the possibility of going home with another guy that night? He told me he shaved his body because he doesn’t like to take his shirt off with a hairy body and said the underwear was just a coincidence. He is a bad liar, so he stumbled over the underwear part. I had him figured out, and he didn’t know how to handle it.
Even now, after time has passed, I get emotional writing this and thinking about his mindset. I was obviously more invested in the relationship, but I had no idea the extent. The first morning he woke up in my bed, we talked about how much fun we had the night before and how compatible we were. However, he jokingly added, “Just don’t fall in love with me.” I should have heeded those words, and it’s my fault for falling for someone who was not as emotionally available.
The NYC Pride Parade was back, and this year I was much more comfortable with my sexuality. Last year, I got trapped in the middle of the parade with my parents — my worst nightmare. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. This year, I made an effort to attend.
We all woke up late that morning and I felt sick, which threw a wrench in our plans to catch the tail end of the parade before Boston hopped back on a bus to Boston. We grabbed breakfast in Hoboken, and I became very ill, spending a fair amount of time in the restroom. I was only able to eat half my sandwich. I had a lot to drink the night before, so I chalked it up to a hangover.
Afterwards, we journeyed into the city. We walked around a bit, and then said goodbye to Boston.
N asked what I wanted to do and told me he wanted to grab drinks. He contacted some of his friends he knew were in the city. Finally, two coworkers responded, so we decided to grab drinks and lunch with them.
As we all entered the bar, older creepy men were checking N out. One of N’s coworkers pointed out we were both given the up downs. I was a little creeped out by it, but N thrived on the attention. That really turned me off. I was starting to see a side of N I had never seen before, and I didn’t like what I was seeing. At one point, I went to the bathroom. I knew I would be the topic of conversation while I was gone. When we were walking to dinner later, N pulled me aside and told me they asked if we were dating. I wanted to ask him what his response was, but I wasn’t feeling myself. No words came out. He then gave me a peck on the cheek. We were in Chelsea for Pride Weekend. This is the time he could be very affectionate and open, and the only sign of affection I received all day was a tiny peck on the cheek. The guy from the night before got more action than me.
As the day progressed, I became less and less attracted to N. The way he reacted to some of the more disturbing stories recounted at dinner really threw me for a loop. We ordered dinner, and of course, I couldn’t eat it. Between the alcohol and the emotional turmoil, I felt awful. At one point, one of N’s coworkers mouthed across the table, “Are you okay?” I told him I was just really tired from the night before.
When dinner ended, N wanted to continue drinking. It was Sunday night, and I was beat, as were his coworkers. Begrudgingly, he agreed to come back to Hoboken and back to my apartment. When we were one block from my apartment, N reached down and held my hand. It was a very romantic gesture, but too little too late. As we came in sight of his apartment, he released my hand. This romantic gesture lasted all of thirty seconds.
When we got back to my apartment, I decided it was time to tell him about my blog. It was his right to know, and I needed to know if it upset him before I continued. He was shocked to hear about it, but told me he didn’t care and wasn’t going to read it. So, to all my faithful readers, the show goes on. I also came clean about the extent of my relationship with the 40 year-old. I did this because I lied to him about the interaction, but was truthful in my blog. I wanted him to hear the truth from my mouth, not a computer screen. This upset him immensely, which I couldn’t understand. It all happened before I met him. However, he apparently had some background information about this man and was holding it against me. I tried to defend myself, but he didn’t want to hear it. It bothered me that he was so upset, but I couldn’t undo the past.
At that point, we started to watch porn. The computer was out, and I suppose we needed to break the tension. I never did this with Broadway, but I was open to the idea with N. However, he got overly excited by this. He started about how he’d love to be a porn star. Once again, I was losing the attraction to the man in front of me. This was not the guy I fell for. I still had no idea what happened to cause the switch, but something was very different with him.
All of a sudden, we were interrupted by the sound of fireworks. We completely forgot about them. We ran to the balcony to watch. In the middle of all the explosions, I burst out with, “So are we exclusive?”
The next few moments were a blur, but I do know the gist of answer was no. I could understand if we weren’t exclusive up to that point, but I couldn’t fathom not being exclusive going forward.
When he explained his lack of interest in a monogamous relationship, I asked him if he has been sleeping with any other men since he met me. He told me of one guy he hooked up with after our third or fourth date. They exchanged blowjobs, but when this other man told him he was kind of in a relationship, N decided it better to be just friends. (This is also one of the guys he and I were possibly going to meet up with earlier that day.)
I couldn’t understand his rational. If he didn’t want to be “the other man,” why was he willing to seek out another man himself. What we had was pretty great, but he was leaving the door open for himself. If something better came along, he would upgrade. When I expressed this to him, he asked, “Upgrade to what?” I immediately responded, “A better situation.” It was so simple to me, how could he not understand that? I felt so used! He explained he wasn’t seeking out other men, but that didn’t make it any better. I already couldn’t trust him, and I had a pretty strong feeling he was lying.
I felt awful. Like someone stabbed me with a knife. Before the conversation, I knew what his answer was going to be, but hearing him say no broke my heart all over again. I was a shell of a human being.
After we finished talking, we went inside and had sex, and I finally got to have my way with him — All the way this time, not just the tip. It was pretty good too, but ended quickly due to N’s lack of experience.
In my mind, things were beginning to end between us. It’s almost as if that night was our breakup sex. I was pleased to know I got it in at least once before we broke up. I don’t know why, but it felt fulfilling. That’s how I knew it was over. I lost the emotional connection to the man who days earlier I was falling in love with.
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 22, 2011
Saturday, I woke up fairly later in the morning. N was still sleeping in my bed, and Boston was still sleeping on the couch when I started to make breakfast. I fried up some frozen homemade sausage patties and eggs. In the meantime, my two favorite men woke up and joined me in the kitchen. I brewed a pot of coffee, and we sat and ate. Boston and I planned to go into the city for the day. He hadn’t been to the city in ten years. He is in music school and asked to check out the original Steinway store to play on some of their finest pianos. We invited N to join, but his plans included shaving his back and getting a haircut.
When breakfast ended, N and I went into my room and fooled around. I was horny since we didn’t do anything the night before and hungry for real sex. But, N wasn’t 100% cooperative. “I feel bad that Boston is out there alone right now. Ya know, we could let him watch,” he said with a wink and a smile. I just laughed it off and continued with my heavy petting. (I did feel bad for Boston because he got out of the shower and all his clean clothes were in my bedroom.) When I finally realized it wasn’t going to happen, we stopped. N went home to get ready for his day of primping, and I showered to get ready for the city. (I would later come to find N accusing me of hooking up with Boston at this point)
When Boston and I arrived in the city, we came upon a street fair. We walked around and got lunch. Following, I showed him some of the major attractions. It was really nice just relaxing with Boston and walking around the city. He started to feel like a little brother. Finally we arrived at the Steinway and Son’s a half hour before they were about to close for a recital. Boston sat at a few of the pianos and blew me away with his talent. I told him if he ever wanted to impress a guy, he should take him to a piano store and it would be in the bag.
We also stopped into to Saks to visit one of Boston’s old friends. We said hi, and he invited us to a house party and a drag show at a bar on the lower east side, Drom.
On the walk back to Port Authority, we passed a few of the pianos sprinkled around the city. I made Boston sit and play after The Naked Cowboy finished tinkering in Times Square. He ended up being filmed by the man in charge of documenting the project. Overall, I’d say it was a good day for Boston.
When we got back to Hoboken, we got dressed to go out and went to my friend K’s for a bbq. We were skipping the house party, but were going to meet them at Drom.
Likewise, N had plans for the night. Originally, he told me he was going out to dinner with friends and they didn’t know if they were staying in the city or coming back to Hoboken. To me, this meant straight friends. I figured i received no details because he wasn’t out to his- fellow diners. I was wrong. As the day went on, I received more details. He was going to dinner with eight gay men, and then it evolved into them going to Industry, a gay bar.
I asked him if it was an issue if we met up at Industry until Boston’s friends went to the lower east side. He told me to come. When Industry had a long line, they decided to go to Ritz, not my favorite bar. Boston and I finished at the bbq and headed to Ritz. On the walk there from Port Authority, I expressed my concerns about N and the night. I told him how shady it felt since he was being somewhat secretive. When we arrived, N’s phone was dying. I tried calling and texting to no avail. We went into the first floor and couldn’t find him anywhere. We tried upstairs to no avail as well. Finally, he texted me back. He was outside to smoking and trying to find us.
When he finally came back in, he was a drunk sweaty mess. I was way too sober to be there. I get very uncomfortable in gay bars for some reason. So, I ordered four straight vodka shots, two of which were for myself. He began to grind his ass in my crotch, and I liked it! This was the first time we could dance together and not create a total scene. A good portion of the night from then on is a blur for me. I got very drunk so I could tolerate the heat and the club and have blacked out a few bits.
When Boston got a text from his friends, we decided to leave. N told me he was coming with us. I was very pleasantly surprised. Boston and I went outside while N said goodbye to his fiends. When ten minutes passed, and he didn’t come out, I went back into the bar. As I was walking up the stairs, I noticed him talking to someone. Men were passing between us going up and down the stairs, but just then I saw him lean in and kiss this man. My heart shattered into a million pieces. In that millisecond, I felt my world crumbling around me. I know it was just one little kiss, but the fact that he was talking to another man, exchanging numbers and kissing broke my heart. I was crushed.
I didn’t know what to do other than run. I turned and sped down the stairs. He must have seen me at that instant because he chased after me. He tried to spin me around by grabbing my shoulder, but I flung my arms into the air and shouted, “Don’t touch me!” All that went through my head at that point was how many other guys were you grinding on and kissing before I arrived at the bar? We never had the exclusive conversation, but at that point, he was sleeping in my bed almost every night. We were in a relationship, even if it wasn’t defined.
He tried to calm me down on the street, but I was making a scene. I didn’t know what to do. When I get heated I get loud. He asked me to have a conversation and stop shouting, but I couldn’t be calm. I couldn’t be rational. I was enraged. Somehow, he managed to calm me down and convince me it was just a peck on the cheek in passing. Out of my inebriation, I let it go, and we went to the next bar. I felt awful. Boston was standing across the street witnessing this whole scene uncomfortably waiting for us to meet up with his friends at Drom.
In the cab ride, I decided I would pretend it didn’t happen for the night. Boston was only in town until the morning. I would deal with the situation later. I needed to entertain my good friend.
Boston lost his ID the night before, so when we attempted to enter the bar, the bouncer was not cooperative. Finally, when I shoved $40 into his hand, he let us in. After we each paid the $12 cover (on to of the $40), we came to realize Boston’s friends already left. The scene was dead. When I realized there was no chance in hell I was going to have fun the rest of the night, we grabbed a few drinks, and I volunteered to go on the hunt to find Boston a man to have fun with. We asked him what his type was. He explained. Then, N asked him if he was a top or a bottom. (This really had no relevance to the situation, and I think N took advantage to satiate his own curiosity.) When Boston was reluctant to elaborate, N said, “I’m a total top, but I love it when he puts his dick in my ass.” This was news to me. Especially since it never really fully made it there. It was just confirmation he was pumping Boston for information because he had a crush on him.
At one point, N and Boston walked to the bar to get drinks while I went to the restroom. Days later, Boston recounted for me the following exchange: N firmly gripped Boston’s ass and said, “How do you get an ass like that? So tight and firm. I’d really like to put my dick in there.” Had I known this happened that night, I would have left the bar with Boston and that would have been the end of it.
When we were all thoroughly exhausted and bored, we hopped in a cab back to Hoboken. No sooner we were in the door, and N was passed out face down on my bed in his underwear. This raised a whole new red flag in my brain. He was donning the sexiest underwear I’d ever seen him wear. His back was freshly shaved, his chest was cleanly shaved and he had a new haircut. All those are fine, but who was he expecting to see his underwear at a gay club. He spent the entire day getting ready for this night out. He never spent that much time primping to see me. Everything was starting to add up. From the business trip I took on, N was quickly distancing himself and seeking relationship freedom.
I went back out to the kitchen to chat with Boston. He immediately said, “OK! What happened!? What did you see!?” I explained to him the kiss, and in typical fashion, he dealt me the truth. He explained how N manipulated me that night as he watched from across the street. He told me to trust what I saw and trust my own instincts. We talked for at least another hour after that.
N’s phone was sitting there the whole time as well. I picked it up and was about to look through his Grindr messages because I wanted to find the closure I needed to tell him it was over. I couldn’t trust him anymore, but if I had proof, I would be able to get over it myself. Boston convinced me how bad that idea was. I put the phone down without pushing a button. To this day, I still regret not looking. It’s completely out of character for me to not trust someone and read their phone, but it would have delivered me the closure I needed.
At that point, I was exhausted. Physically and emotionally. That night I was delivered a heavy blow to the gut and needed to sleep to forget about it even for one instant. Boston went to the couch, and I begrudgingly went to share my bed with the man I had seen kissing another man. I laid down with my back to him and tears streaming down my face. I was crushed by what happened. I had no idea what to do. I still had very strong feelings for him, but couldn’t turn a blind eye. It isn’t who i am. I’m no one’s fallback or second best. However, I did know it was certainly not going to be a fun morning for him either…
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Boston in the House
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 21, 2011
The next day, I did my best to forget the Grindr guy quickly. He was just a body I used, and the guilt I felt for using another human being like that was more than I could take. I disgusted myself. Not to mention what I did to N. I betrayed his trust. Something that is devastating to me, because if I’m nothing, I’m honest. I did exactly what I thought he did, and it didn’t make it any better. Just worse.
Much to my pleasure, Boston was visiting for the weekend. We planned it weeks prior and the day finally arrived. It just so happened we picked Pride Weekend in NYC for his visit. Perfect timing.
I left work at 2:00 to pick Boston up from Port Authority. However, his bus didn’t arrive for another two hours. I sat across the street at Schnipper’s Quality Kitchen reading the gay edition of the Village Voice. I found a lot of interesting articles to entertain myself while I waited. Especially the “Why I Hate Being Gay!” article. Once he arrived, we grabbed a quick lunch and hopped back on a bus to Hoboken.
That night, I planned an elaborate seafood dinner to welcome Boston and invited many of my friends, some of which he previously met in Miami. They too were excited to see him again. He’s just a good guy you always want to be around.
After he dropped his bags and got settled, Boston and I walked to the grocery store to get the few ingredients I needed to make the meal that night. I was going all out, with every kind of seafood I could think of. The night before I went to the store and bought so much seafood, the guy gave me a bunch of free things because I “just made his night” buying so much. He is a very nice older gentleman who I believe plays for my team. Boston was a really good friend who was always there for me when I needed an ear to talk off. I was going to treat him like a king while he visited.
When we got back, we talked while I prepared the meal. People slowly started trickling in, and everyone pitched in to help. We were all having fun, and Boston was getting to know a few of my friends. One friend was absent, however. N was nowhere to be found. He knew that I was making this meal. I had been talking about it the entire week leading up to Boston’s visit. Where the hell was he?
Finally, I got ahold of him via text, and he told me he was still at the gym and would be missing dinner. He was going to come by later after he showered. I was a little disappointed in him. I wanted him to be there, and he knew it. We were already on shaky ground with everything that was happening, and this was just one more thing to fan the flames. I told him I would save him some if he was lucky. He said, “I’ll just grab something now, and snack on it after the bar later tonight.” That got me even more annoyed. I felt like I was being treated like a short order cook.
While we ate, the wine was flowing, and following dinner, the spirits were too. Everyone was pregaming before we went off to the bar. Finally, N arrived. We already decided on a bar. My favorite bar, McSwiggans. I’m treated like royalty there. I know every bartender, bounce, and manager, and they take GOOD care of me. Once we were all properly lubricated, we journeyed to the bar.
It was a good scene. Lots of people dancing and having fun, and because I’m well connected there, we didn’t have to wait in line. Some of my friends who were unable to make it to dinner were meeting us at the bar. One of my old roommates was already there with his friend having a blast. I introduced Boston to more of my friends, and we all had a blast.
N and I were particularly flirtatious that night. We had been to this bar together, but it is definitely a straight bar. We normally let our guard down there because we feel comfortable, but that night we were probably obvious. We did everything but kiss right in the middle of the crowd. I was having a good time with him. All the problems drifted away. I was also happy to have Boston finally come visit, and he was having a good time too.
Apparently, N forgot I told him Boston is gay. He began to tell me how perfect a match he would be for his roommate until I reminded him. Then, I think he started to crush on him a little, as well as my old roommate. He kept on talking about how attractive they both are and how perfect my old roommate would be for his roommate as well. He was “just her type.” I tried to brush off the fact that he was telling me how he was attracted to my friends. It was off-putting, but I assumed it was innocent.
After some time, the three gay amigos started to bond. There was a very attractive guy who I had often seen at McSwiggans. We always made eye contact, but never spoke and never exchanged anything of substance. I always wondered which team he played for, and I expressed this to the two other gay men I was with. I felt bad for pointing this guy out in front of N, but he talked about the guys in the gym on a regular basis, so I didn’t feel that terrible. We all have terrible gaydar, but I thought our forces combined would be able to work it out. We couldn’t come to agreement, so we sent in the troops. Boston volunteered to walk past him on his way to the bathroom and cup his ass with his hand while he did. We would hypothesize his sexuality based on his reaction.
When Boston returned from the restrooms, he informed us how much of this guys ass he grasped. “I got a serious handful and a long feel. He didn’t budge an inch. I can’t decide what that means!” So, it would still remain a mystery.
The rest of the night was spent drinking a lot more and dancing our asses off. We had a blast. When the closing bell rang, Boston, N and myself walked back to my apartment. We hung out on the balcony for a while until I fell asleep on N’s shoulder. At that point, he tried to carry me to bed, but only woke me up. I walked to my bed while they walked to get slices of pizza. I immediately passed out again as soon as I hit the sheets. I only know N spent the night because he was in my bed the next morning…
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 20, 2011
When I returned from my business trip to Denver, things weren’t as they were before I left. N was slightly distant. His behavior was different. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something was definitely off.
Over the course of our time together, I noticed certain behaviors of his that raised red flags. For instance, he spent a lot of time at the gym. Now, I’ve known gym rats in my time, but I’ve never known anyone who spent quite as much time there as him. Or, at least that’s where he told me he was. Night after night, he’d spend 3+ hours lifting and doing cardio. Normally, I would appreciate such dedication, but after some of the stories he told me about what went down at the downtown Hoboken New York Sports Club, I started to get worried he might be participating (including stories of guys blowing each other in the steam room). I had no evidence or proof he was doing anything wrong, but deep down I had a suspicious feeling everything wasn’t on the level.
I really came to resent that gym. We both belonged to NYSC. I would work out in the uptown Hoboken NYSC which is newer and above ground, and I would ask him to join me. He always declined, telling me he was going downtown. I came to realize why we went downtown so much. He was getting his ego stroked, which was really getting to me. In the beginning I thought it was cute. I would call him things like princess and make noises as if I were blowing up a balloon when his head got too big. But, things started getting out of hand. He would come home from the gym bragging about the guys that checked him out. He would tell me about men slipping notes into his locker. Why he felt the need to share this information is beyond me. I belonged to the same family of gyms, and this NEVER happened to me. We are both attractive men. The difference was he was inviting it. I wasn’t jealous either. I had him. I didn’t need anyone else. I knew something had to be invited in some way from him for this to happen. Finally, I made blatant comments to him about why he went down there. It never fazed him. But if I said he goes there because he liked his ego stroked publicly, he got annoyed with me.
As I was beginning to wake up from the dream I thought was a relationship, I also noticed N spent a lot of time on Grindr. I know that’s how we met, and I have respect for the application, but it’s a death trap. It gets addicting and puts you in the constant mindset of being able to look constantly for something else, even if you’re already happy with what you have. It distances you from the process. If you were seeing a guy for a month and a half, and were walking down the street with him, you wouldn’t give another man the up-down in person. However, if you’re sitting next to the man you’ve been seeing, it’s possible to be looking at other men right in front of you without feeling guilty, which is what he was doing. He answered messages with me standing two feet away. This was a bold and brazen move I did not appreciate at all, even if he was just making friends.I was legitimately worried N was constantly seeking an upgrade model. I too was guilty. I was still talking to guys on Grindr and saying inappropriate things, but I never asked for a number or tried to meet up with any guys. It was more of an entertainment to pass the time.
These, among many other behaviors, created vast doubt in my mind of N’s faithfulness. He was new to the gay world. He didn’t know what he wanted. He just ended a long term relationship shortly before he met me. I was willing to be understanding of a lot of things since he was so new, and I was in his position one year prior. But, at this point, we’d been seeing each other for over a month and a half. For the sake of my emotional well-being, as well as my physical well-being, I couldn’t tolerate infidelity.
I started to get angry and resentful. When a guy from Hoboken started pursuing me on Grindr, I got sucked in. I immediately told him I was involved in a relationship and was purely looking for friends to hang out with. I had no one in my arsenal of gay friends other than Boston and NC. The conversation started off innocent, but then quickly escalated to a sexual nature. I was doing exactly what I accused N of in my mind. But, at this point, I was in revenge mode. I didn’t have proof he was cheating on me, but I knew it in my gut he was. Some of his stories didn’t hold up, and I caught him in lies. When there are inconsistencies, the mind will fill in the blanks and it has a tendency to run wild with possibilities. I also my actions because we never agreed we were exclusive. If he could philander, so could I. So when this guy asked if we could meet at my apartment for a quicky after work, I obliged.
I raced home that day and showered. Shortly after, he knocked on my door and came in. We went into my bedroom and chatted before making out. Then things got hot and heavy. It was quick but satisfying. This guy knew I was in a relationship with a guy across the street, and I told him to be discreet. So basically, I was using him for his body, and that’s it. This was a one-time gig to level the emotional playing field with N in my mind.
This isn’t who I am. I dated Broadway for ten months without cheating on him once. The thought never crossed my mind. And, he was my first gay relationship, just as I was N’s. I hated N for making me feel this way. It’s what drove me to “cheat” in the first place. But he didn’t make me do it. I did it of my own accord. Now, I know technically I didn’t do anything wrong, as we were never exclusive, but I broke my own moral code. I let myself down. I have to take responsibility for that. I did that and no one else. I didn’t like who I was becoming. And, I’m sorry and I was wrong!
That night, N was busy and didn’t spend the night. A big part of me wondered whose bed he slept in that night, but who am I to talk? I was happy, because while I wanted to seek revenge for N’s suspected cheating, I couldn’t fathom him sleeping on the same sheets I had sex with another man on. However, that night I slept on clean sheets in my bed sharing only with my guilt and my regret.
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 19, 2011
Whenever I’m seeing a guy, and I go on a business trip, all I can think about is getting home to him. This was certainly the case. It’s not that I wasn’t getting to see N enough. We saw each other all the time. But, when I’m on a work trip and completely stressed out, the thought of a long hug from the man I care the most about gets me through.
Of course when I’m on these trips, I’m traveling with high level executives. I couldn’t give two sh*ts about their wives or their kids. I can only pretend to care for so long. Most of the time, I’m texting and sexting back to my man. In between Keynote presentations and video downloading, I was trying to keep my sanity with thoughts of the guy who made me happy.
Throughout my trip, we made plans for N to come by my apartment to make dinner the night I touched down back in Newark. I was scheduled to land at 9, and knew I would be hungry, especially after the time zone change and jet lag. My roommates would be home to let him in, and when I crossed the threshold, he would be there for me to fling my arms around.
The night before I was supposed to travel back, I got a text from him telling me he would be unable to make dinner for us. He had to work late, and he would be very tired. I was so disappointed. My whole demeanor changed. I’m sure my coworkers were much less thrilled with my attitude and lack of cooperation after that news was delivered. Thoughts of getting to see him were all that got me through the trip. Now, I no longer had that motivation.
After hearing the bad news, I put up a Facebook status, “Delivery of sad news on an already sh*ttastic day is unwelcome… But gotta roll with the punches…” However, over the course of the next day, plans changed. Following my meeting, I got a text from N. I don’t know if my status update made him feel guilty, but I do know that he saw it. He texted me about it apologizing for not being able to be there originally, but he was now able to come by. He just wouldn’t be able to cook dinner. It was a compromise I was willing to make if it meant I would get to see him. I also knew I would be coming back from Denver a very horny man. My status changed to, “Today’s starting to turn out a lot better than expected now… And I’m sitting in the president’s club at Denver Airport…” Of course N liked it.
While I sat in the airport for hours, I played on Grindr. I killed some time in the United Red Carpet Room, but that only got me so far. I wasn’t looking on Grindr to find a guy to hook up with in the bathroom or anything sexual. I just thought it would be interesting to meet a guy from so far off city at the bar for a platonic drink. No dice. One guy responded as I was boarding the plane after my 3 hours spent at the airport.
After I landed, the driver took me back to Hoboken. I was texting N the whole way as my phone’s battery was on its last leg. The problem was, I wasn’t getting a response. Once again, I was very disappointed. Finally, after being home and unpacking for 20 minutes, N finally texted back. He was coming by in a few minutes.
When he arrived, he was distant. I didn’t get the welcome home I was hoping for. I had a stressful two days and I wanted to escape in his arms. But, I shrugged it off, assuming he just had a long day at work. We cleared my suitcase and all its contents off my bed and started making out immediately. We made sure both of us were fully pleased that night and went to bed.
Looking back, I am very suspicious of my time away. I’ve never accused N of any wrongdoing, nor has he volunteered any information, but when I look back, this is the moment I can pinpoint where things seemed to have changed.
Follow @onegayatatime“Are You My Boyfriend?”
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 18, 2011
After a rocky weekend with N, including him losing his phone and not finding a replacement, I had to start a new work week. I had a big pitch coming up for work and would have to travel to Denver. But, I wanted to hang out with my man before taking off.
I get myself in the habit of buying Groupons and Living Social deals in hopes of cheaper nights out on the town. When I am seeing someone, I tend to buy more because then they become excuses for us to go out to dinner or enjoy something fun and not have to spend a lot of money to do so.
The night before, we planned to use one of my deals at a local spot, Clinton Social. It would be a nice dinner date before I flew off to Colorado for 2 days. It was also nice because it’s where we went on our first date. We had a blast that night and found how much we had in common. Now that we had gotten to know each other, the chemistry was even stronger.
In the evening after work we met up at my apartment and walked to the restaurant. We sat in the back where only one other table was occupied. It was nice having semi-private dining. I get self conscious sometimes about people gawking at two men sharing a meal. I was free to not care. Every once in a while I would put my hand under the table and rub his knee. I wanted him to know how much he meant to me. We talked about our workdays and a few other things while we shared an appetizer. When our meals came, we dug in like two ravenous animals. We both enjoyed our meals and fed samples to each other. It wasn’t quite as romantic as when he cooked for me, but it was really nice dining with such a sexy man. When we finished and paid, we scooted out the back door and walked back to my apartment.
The walk back was very hot, so when we arrived at my apartment, we were both very sweaty. We decided to share a shower. I was still feeling romantic from the dinner date, so I suggested we share a bath instead. I have a very large whirlpool tub, and we’ve talked about using it before. Since it was recently cleaned, now was the perfect time. We hopped in and surprisingly both fit pretty comfortably. After a while, I squirted some body wash into the tub so we would have a bubble bath. We played with the bubbles for a while until we both had enough. We toweled off and hopped into bed.
That night, we finally had full sex for the first time. Since he was so willing to try the first night we met when we came back to my bedroom, I thought it was time I finally give it up for him. Of course it wasn’t without complications. It had been a long time since anything had gone on back there for me, so breaks needed to be taken. Of course condoms are never fun either, but they are always necessary. Once things got more relaxed, we finally found a groove, and I could tell he was starting to really enjoy himself. It was a good night. I felt we were growing much closer every day. After we were both good and sweaty and both substantially pleased, we stopped.
After a few minutes of laying there, N turned to me and blurted out, “So are you my boyfriend?” I didn’t know what to say. A large part of me was thrilled. I had never had a “boyfriend” before since the only other man I had been with romantically didn’t let me call him my boyfriend. However, another part of me was skeptical. We were only dating for a month and a half. Were we there yet? To me, it didn’t particularly matter. No other man mattered to me then. I wasn’t seeing anyone else. And I’ve learned to lose titles a long time ago. All this went through my head over the course of about two seconds. Right then, I said to him, “Do you want me to be?” At that point, I think he realized his verbal diarrhea. The thought was going through his head, but he didn’t really mean to say it out loud. He responded, “I don’t know.”
I decided to let that conversation die. Obviously he wasn’t ready to fully have it, and I didn’t feel we needed to discuss it yet. It was getting late and I still had to pack in the morning, so we dozed off to sleep.
Follow @onegayatatimeNext Day Fallout
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 15, 2011
Following the iPhone debacle of 2011, I couldn’t manage to contact N. I couldn’t exactly walk across the street and buzz at his door either, since his roommates had no idea who I was. But I was a little worried. He was drunk the night before and didn’t come over for his pizza – very unlike him to leave food, but very like him to just pass out somewhere.
I had an epiphany. I hit him up on Facebook. I figured he’d check it at some point since he didn’t have his phone. Midday, he messaged me back and gave me his roommates phone number. He also told me he wouldn’t be around for the day because he was going home for father’s day. I texted him on her phone, and he answered back. He said he was still in Hoboken because he was calling around to cab companies to try to find his phone. I told him I felt sorry for him, and I wish I could do something to help. Shortly after, we spoke on the phone, and I asked him if he wanted to hang out on the pier. He said he’d stop by shortly.
Around 2:00 in the afternoon, I asked him if he was still coming to the pier when I hadn’t heard from him for hours. At 3:30 I finally got a response. They had been cleaning the house after the party the night before. He also told me they were getting dressed and coming down. At 5:00 I told him I was heading over to D and K’s, my friends’ apartment for a bbq I invited him to earlier. He texted back, “Just got here.”
I was just hopping on my bike to head to the grocery store. I took my motorcycle helmet off and walked back to the pier. He and his roommate were sitting there sipping Dunkin Donuts. I sat down next to them to talk about the night before. His roommate was still giving him a hard time for ditching her on her birthday to go to a different bar. I felt bad because I had a feeling he did it to see me, but I certainly didn’t put a gun to his head. I didn’t even ask him to come. I just told him where I was. I asked if they were both going to come to the bbq. They both agreed to come. I told them I would grab some food for the three of us to contribute.
When the time came to go to the bbq, his roommate didn’t want to come. N and I walked over to my D and K’s. We had a great time relaxing. I was trying to distract N from the fact that he lost his phone. After we all ate, we decided it would be a good idea for all of us to smoke. So, the two of us walked back to N’s apartment to get supplies. He wanted me to come in with him, but, again, I knew better.
Some of his roommates would be home and it would create an awkward situation. I waited by the fence while he ran inside. He tried over and over to coax me in, but I stood my ground.
When he came back outside a minute later, he told me two of his roommates were home relaxing on the couch, and we walked back to the bbq. “See!” I said. Once back, I made a deal with everyone not to let me eat everything in sight. I told them to keep me away from more food at all costs. We all smoked. Some of us had unique reactions, and we all had a good laugh about it. I was yelling at my friend because he didn’t have the munchies yet, but I did. It wasn’t fair. But I still wasn’t going to eat.
We decided to clean up and move inside. We carried everything back to the kitchen, and N and I plopped down on the couch together. I snuggled up next to him, but he wasn’t the only thing I snuggled up next to. I sat there with a tub of artichoke dip from Costco and went to town. They all laughed at my failure to stay away from the food. They all failed me as well. No one did their job keeping food out of my reach. N was also being slightly distant. I wasn’t sure if he just wasn’t feeling me that night or what. Maybe he wasn’t thrilled with the PDA, but we had done it before in front of those same friends. I chalked it up to him still being angry or distracted about losing his phone.
That night was no different than any other night. I hadn’t slept with N in a few nights, so he spent the night. We fooled around and had fun. I really appreciated getting to spend some time with him after barely seeing him all weekend. Maybe I was smothering him, but it was too easy to call him to come over when he lived right across the street. And, I never heard him complain. But, as far as I could tell, we were both happy. I was very happy to have him in my life. And, with that, I went to bed…
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 14, 2011
The day after my spectacular night and romantic dinner date with N, I was heading home to Pennsylvania for my cousin’s graduation party. It was father’s day weekend, and I hadn’t been home in a month or so, so my sister and I visited until Saturday evening.
Days before I left, N came over and had a serious conversation with me. He told me his roommate was having a birthday party and wanted to invite my friends and I, but this was something we needed to discuss. I could see how uncomfortable he was, but I could also see he really wanted me to come. He said so. But, since he wasn’t out to his roommates yet, he didn’t know how to handle having me there. Who would I be? Why was I there? How did I know Amanda? All questions that would have to be answered.
I looked him in the eye and cut him off at the pass. I said, “Hey. We don’t have to do this. I know you want me there, but if this makes you uncomfortable I get it. And, I’m sure Amanda will understand too. I was in the same position you are in a year ago. I know what you’re feeling. And, trust me. I will not put any pressure on you whatsoever. You have to do this on your own timeline when you feel comfortable. If that means me not coming to one party, I’m ok with that.” Immediately his eyes lit up. I could see how relieved he was. I told him to think about what he wants and let me know when he decided.
So, on my way back to Hoboken from PA, I was texting N to find out his decision. However, I wasn’t really getting a response. In the back of my mind, I knew it was a bad idea, and I shouldn’t go. Even if he told me he wanted me to come, I was probably going to tell him no for his benefit. He made the decision very easy when he didn’t respond. I decided to make other plans with other friends in town.
A friend of mine met a guy at the gym and found out he was gay. I’ve been waiting for this to happen. His immediate response to him was to send him my way. I had my first gay set-up. He told him I was gay and directed him to this blog. So, I hit him up to see if he wanted to join us at the bar. He obliged. This wasn’t to make N jealous or anything. I had a man. I didn’t need another. This guy seemed very nice, and I thought it polite to meet him and maybe make a new friend.
As I was about to walk out the door to go to the bar at 10:00 p.m., I received a text from N saying, “Ok. You can come over, but remember. Be discrete and we’re just friends.” I told him of my other plans and said maybe I would see him later that night.
I met the guy from the gym at the bar with my friends and we sat on the rooftop and chatted. I introduced him to everyone, and he began to tell me his story. He was in a 9 year relationship that didn’t make it for all the wrong reasons. My heart was breaking when he told me his story. I wanted to give him a big hug right there. He seemed a little broken, but I could tell it was helping him to tell his story. I told him about my ex-“boyfriend,” as well as N and how things were going between us.
Then, late in the night, N texted me telling me he was coming to the bar I was at with the birthday party. When he arrived, he came running over, very drunk, and kissed me on the forehead. I introduced him to the guy from the gym. We didn’t hang out much at the bar, mainly because he was there with a bunch of his friends who didn’t know he was gay. I was okay with it. Again, on his terms. On his schedule. No pressure.
At one point, N realized he lost his phone and was panicked to find it. He tried calling his phone and the cab company he used to get to the bar. He wanted to go home to check if he lost it there. I told him I was ready to leave, and we could go back to our apartments so he could find it. But, only after we got pizza. He agreed. We grabbed a few slices and hopped in a cab back to our apts. The cab dropped him off and he ran in, yelling back, “I’ll be over in a few minutes.”
I took his slices, my friend’s and mine, and we went into my apartment. Quite some time passed, and I realized N wasn’t coming over. I chalked it up to one of those nights, got my friend settled on the couch, and went to bed. Alone.
Follow @onegayatatimeRomantic Dinner for 2
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 13, 2011
There were many nights I cooked for N and I. I enjoy cooking so much because I enjoy eating so much. It was also nice to have someone to take care of again. Tonight was a different story.
N had offered to make me his famous eggplant parmesan. He told me every time he’s made it, his friends have raved about the results. I told him, “I’ll have to judge that for myself.” The night before, he said he would make it for me for dinner the following night.
We spoke earlier in the day about how to pull it off for him to make dinner at my apartment. I hadn’t been in the pool in weeks, and I finally had the opportunity to get back in, so I wanted to swim that night. I was trying to get back into summer shape, and who doesn’t want to look good for their man?
The plan was for me to hide my key somewhere outside my apartment, so, when he got home, he could just come over and start cooking right away.
This may have been a dream of mine – Coming home to a fully cooked meal made by the man I couldn’t stop thinking about all day long. Does it get any better than that? However, I was skeptical. In the back of my mind, I was expecting to arrive home to find he hadn’t even made it over to my apartment yet.
If he was already cooking, he was working hard. And, he deserved a small reward for his hard work. I got out of the pool a little early. I couldn’t take the excitement anymore. After I finished my pool workout, since I 
was the only one in the locker room, I decided to take a few shots of myself in my drag suit to text to him. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated what he was doing for me, and I also wanted to get his engine revving for what I was going to do with him for desert.
After I got dressed, I hopped on my motorcycle and sped home as fast as I could. I checked my phone as I was keying into my apartment building, and I had no responses from the texts I sent. Now, I was legitimately worried he wasn’t there yet (If I was smart, I would have looked to see if the keys had been taken from the hiding place). But much to my pleasure, he didn’t let me down. It was incredibly sexy walking in the door to see him hovering over the stove making us a meal. I was sooooo turned on.
After asking if I could help in any way and being politely turned down, I plopped myself down on the bar stool and watched him cook. It sure was a nice change to not have to play chef. At one point, my roommate came home. She immediately made a comment about how strange it was seeing me sitting on the stool instead of standing in front of the stove. I explained to her he was cooking us a romantic meal, and I wasn’t about to mess with a good thing when I had it. She got the hint and went into her room.
I went to the wine fridge and picked out one of my favorite bottles. This truly was a special occasion. When the meal was ready, I went into my room and grabbed a few candles to put on the table we were eating on. I thanked him with a big kiss and dug in. I never had eggplant parmesan before, but this was spectacular! He wasn’t kidding about how good it was, but now I was experiencing it in my mouth. If you can’t tell by now, I’m a foodie. He truly found the way to my heart. The first few bites were all followed up with a kiss. We ate and ate until we gorged ourselves. Luckily, we had leftovers. I would be able to relive the memory of this night a few more times.
Following dinner, he went into my room to use my facilities. I began to make us desert – a simple dish, but one I knew he loved. I sauteed sliced up fresh peaches in a pan with a splash of oil and a dash of Splenda. This was our way of making a slightly healthier desert. However, when I finished making desert, and he still hadn’t returned from my room, I assumed he passed out on my bed. He had a habit of passing out on me. I tip-toed down the hall to see, but he was still using the restroom. I heard a magazine page being flipped, and it all began to make sense.
When he finally emerged from the bathroom to find me on the couch with the rest of our wine and two bowls of peaches and whipped cream, he said, “Oh. I didn’t know you were making that for us tonight. I thought you were just making it to have around.” I told him he was dense, and we dug into our desert. This of course was followed up with some heavy petting and a lot of making out, until we moved things to the bedroom. That night, we both had a great time. I wanted to make sure I pleased him good! And he certainly reciprocated.
The night was simple, but spectacular. I had amazing food and an amazing man to share it with. What else could I ask for? And with that, I fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face.
On a side note, I just found this video yesterday. It’s an adorable take on gay marriage. Totally cute and brought tears to my eyes. Very relevant as NY just legalized gay marriage. Check it out.
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 12, 2011
That Sunday morning, once again, I woke N up on the couch. I made us some breakfast, and we watched some TV. The weather wasn’t exactly ideal, so even walking down to the pier for sun wasn’t a very valid option. After watching some TV and falling asleep on each other, I called friends to see what everyone was doing.
I needed to get a picture framed at A.C. Moore, and my female friend needed to pick up a grill. I asked her if she would mind driving me to drop off the picture, and she obliged. N had nothing to do all day, so he agreed to tag along, which made me very happy. All day long I sent him dirty text messages right under my friend’s nose. We were having a good time sexting. It passed the time while we were grill shopping.
We dropped off my picture to be framed and made our way to Lowes. N was very instrumental in this since he grew up in the area. He took us on shortcuts I never knew existed. Which, if you’ve ever driven in New Jersey, you know they can be a Godsend! He was also instrumental in loading the grill into the back of the car and into her backyard through her apartment building since she bought one preassembled.
Like the two strapping men we were, we carried it to the backyard for her and set up the propane tank. N was by my side helping out someone he knew for a week. It was sweet. I was turned on. Of course, that night, we both made sure the other went to bed with a smile on his face.
Two nights later, we attempted to go to yoga together, but the rain washed away those plans. We weren’t going to let it ruin our night. N went to the gym instead, and I went home and relaxed until he was finished. We decided to take advantage of free movie Tuesday in Hoboken to see Super 8. We arrived at the theater and got our seats. Once again, there would be no hand holding or anything in such a crowded theater, especially since we were sitting near the front in plain view of almost everyone in the theater. I didn’t need the PDA. We were going strong, and I was able to sit through a movie without signs of affection. I shared my popcorn with him and he shared his powerbar with me.
On the walk home, we talked about how much we enjoyed the movie and our favorite parts. When we arrived home, we fooled around before falling asleep. This had become a trend. We weren’t having “sex” every night, but we always made sure we were both satisfied before falling asleep. Things weren’t perfect either. Sometimes it took a long time to finish. I was finding it harder to concentrate, and found myself filing through my “spank bank” in order to get myself over that final hump. And, I can’t speak for him, but it appeared to be the same.
I realized we didn’t have amazing sexual chemistry, but it was certainly something I was willing to work on, especially if it meant I would get to hold on to a guy like N.
The next night, N had to work late and didn’t have time to go to the gym. I was itching to go for a run, so I texted him and asked if he wanted to join. He agreed and we went for a nice sweaty jog along the waterfront. When people would pass by, and I had to drop back, I made the joke, “I will never get tired of this view… And the city’s pretty too,” as I stared at his ass.
Shortly into the run, he wasn’t feeling well, so we had to walk. We ended up walking another mile and a half just talking the whole time. I would have preferred to be getting a workout in, but I was enjoying the conversation.
When we got home, it was obvious we both needed a shower, so we conserved water. I got him nice and horny, and we had a really hot time in the shower. However, we didn’t really conserve any water because we spent so much more time in there fooling. So much so, we ran out of hot water. That night, he had, or so he said, one of the best orgasms he’s ever had before. It certainly was one of the most powerful I’d ever witnessed. I knew my man was going to bed a happy man that night.
Our relationship was growing stronger every minute. We had our issues in the bedroom, but they were ever so slight and a part of any new relationship. We were still exploring each other’s bodies and hearts, and I certainly wasn’t done exploring…
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 