Posts Tagged wine
The day of the party finally arrived. Something I start planning a year in advance was coming to fruition.
I was a little bummed however. A few of my best friends weren’t going to be able to make the party. D and his girlfriend were attending a wedding. J and his girlfriend couldn’t make it since she had finals and needed to study. A and her boyfriend were traveling out-of-state. There were still about 35 other people coming, but it wasn’t going to be the same without them. I was even more disappointed because many of them hadn’t met Smiles. I wanted to introduce him to my closest friends. Apparently my holiday parties have also developed a reputation as being my new “boyfriend” unveiling.
I was crazy all day preparing. In an act of desperation, I asked P to come over early and help with the final touches. She hauled ass and rescued me. My college teammate was also visiting from Maryland, and she pitched in to help finish things up. It would have been a mess without them.
When 7:30 rolled around, guests were supposed to be arriving. Instead, I was just hopping in the shower. (Next year I really need to hire someone to help me work the event.)
After I showered and dressed, I came out to the kitchen to find no one had arrived yet. Everyone’s late arrival was working to my advantage. People began to trickle in. Smiles was one of the earlier guests to arrive. He showed up with a bottle of wine and a very neatly decorated present. We exchanged a very nice kiss, and one of my old roommates shouted from across the room, “Oh. So that’s the new boyfriend!”

I cringed. He used the “B-word.” I should have looked at Smiles’ face to see his reaction.
I took Smiles into my bedroom to put his coat down and thanked him for the present. I unwrapped it, and it was a very cute tree ornament — Such a sweet gesture, especially for him! I gave him another big kiss to thank him.
More guests arrived, and the night was progressing pretty smoothly. Someone was commenting on Smiles helping me with some of the party maintenance and how he was so much “better than the last one,” referring to N. Just then, the door opened, and N arrived. The room got pretty quiet and everyone turned to me to see my reaction.
I walked over and gave him a hug. It was slightly awkward. Luckily, I was in the middle of things, so I didn’t have to linger on the awkwardness. When I finished, I walked over to him and pointed out all the food. He was overwhelmed by it all, and told me he was going to sample one of everything and let me know what he liked best.
I felt torn all night, and this happens every year. I feel like I never get to spend that much time with everyone because there are so many people there to talk to. There wasn’t even much work to be done during the party. I do a good job of planning ahead of time so that doesn’t happen.
My sister continued to give me dirty looks since N gravitated to her, being one of the few guests he knew.
I was having fun, and I was maintaining a good level of inebriation. Things were going well.
After a while, N was leaving to meet up with some friends. I was talking to Smiles at the time, so I introduced them, and they began to chat a bit. After he left, I told Smiles he was the ex. “Oh. He’s really nice.” I told him how he hasn’t made the effort to be a friend since things ended, and Smiles scolded me for being bitchy. I was being ever so slightly bitchy, but I thought it was humorous this was the stance he was taking. In reality, I didn’t want to be bitchy. I wanted my friend back…
As the night progressed, I received numerous praises for the food and the apartment. They couldn’t believe I whipped it into shape in the amount of time I had. Comments were also made looking forward to next years party and the food I prepare. I warned them an invite is no guarantee for the following year. It’s my way of making sure I maintain friends ;). Two comments were repeated a lot throughout the night I really appreciated. First, everyone told me how skinny I looked. That’s never a bad thing to hear. Secondly, they all told me how great Smiles is.
When things died down a bit, I took the opportunity to go out on the balcony with some friends and smoke a little. I think it put me over the edge a bit on top of all the alcohol I drank. I switched over to water to regain my composure.
We never did make it to the bar. Part of that was Smiles’ doing. I was game to move things to a local pub I frequent, especially after the continued insistence of my sister. However, Smiles was ready to call it a night. I’d already drank a lot, and it was getting late, so I gave into his desires. I said goodnight to the last guests as they left and got my teammate from Maryland settled for the night since she was staying over.
Smiles was a superstar for me that night. He took care of me and made sure I wasn’t getting too drunk. He helped clean up all night and remove trash. He schmoozed and chatted with my friends. I was very proud to be standing next to him at the end of the night. I was finally getting support from him the way I tried to support him. It felt really great.
That night, I fell asleep relatively quickly in his arms. It felt perfect. I was happy, and the only thing on my mind after that was sweet dreams…
awkward, bar, best friend, boyfriend, bummed, Coming Out, Date, Dating, dirty looks, disappointed, drinking, drunk, effort, finals, Friendship, fruition, Gay, Gay dating, grindr, guests, Hoboken, Homosexual, hug, humorous, inebriation, kiss, love, neighbor, New York, New York City, ornament, party, PDA, planning, praises, present, reaction, regain my composure, relationship, reputation, rescue, roommate, schmoozed, shower, sister, smiles, sweet gesture, teammate, texting, traveling, unveiling, water, wedding, wine
Things weren’t exactly progressing smoothly in my mind between Smiles and I. In fact, things weren’t progressing at all when I come to think of it.
Instead of abandoning my relationship with him, I decided to put forth greater effort to ensuring its success. I’m not one to quit without a fight, so when Smiles texted me to ask how my day was going, I was quite elated. I told him it was going well and was anxious for work to be over. We made plans to go to dinner that evening after work. I was looking forward to it and was ready to make sure it wasn’t a repeat of our last date.
In turn, I asked him about his day, and he responded with an explanation. I explained I wouldn’t be done work until a little later, and I wasn’t sure exactly what time that would be. One of my coworkers was dragging his feet, and my day was beginning to drag on. It was a Friday, and I wanted nothing more than to see Smiles after a long day.
Smiles was running errands in my neighborhood and called when he was finished. I had a feeling I would be done shortly, but there really was no telling when I’d finish. Smiles occupied himself for some time. When he called again to check in on me, I was able to tell him I was about to be walking out the door. He was about to hit up Barracuda to have a drink with his bartender friends, but instead, we picked a place to meet.
I snuck up on him on the street and startled him with a big hug. We exchanged a kiss and started to walk towards Chelsea. We quickly found a spot to grab dinner. Smiles wasn’t drinking, but I certainly needed a drink. I ordered a glass of wine and took a big swig. I’d been talking up a storm from the time we kissed on the street. I was going to make sure the conversation flowed like a waterfall. He was well engaged all throughout dinner at Bar Baresco. I really felt very comfortable with him and was appreciating his company greater. It was night and day difference from the last date we had. I was realizing why I fell for him in the first place. No awkward pauses. No blank stares.
During my workday, I began drafting plans to build my new closet since I was moving. Smiles had much experience in this sort of thing, so I asked him for advice and to look over my plans. He gave his suggestions, and I appreciated his advice.
When we finished dinner, we hit up Barracuda. Smiles suggested it because he figured we’d say hi to his friends. When we arrived there, we found they weren’t working. Smiles ordered us two drinks. After relieving myself, we found a quiet corner to tuck ourselves in to sit and chat.
We discussed age and the ability to hang. He talked about how he used to be able to go out all the time all night long. We talked about growing older and looking forward to staying in and sitting on the couch on a Friday night.
We were growing even closer. As time progressed, I realized he was growing weary. I asked if he would like to get out of there, and he gladly obliged, but not before we played around with his scarf in about 20 different permutations around his neck and head.
As we walked outside, I proposed coming back to his place with him. He agreed. I thought I was sending a pretty clear signal of my intentions. We walked over to Seventh Avenue to hail a cab to no avail. I was not properly dressed for the weather. I was freezing. The Smiles did one of the sweetest things. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm. I reached up and grabbed his arms and brought him in closer. It was extremely romantic, and I wasn’t about to let this moment run away from me. It took a long time to get a cab, but I was relishing every second.
When we finally hailed one, we hopped in. He extended his hand beckoning for mine. He was winning me over big time! It was a complete 180. I was thrilled with his new-found affections. It painted a clearer picture of his true feelings for me. He was still interested in me. I was thrilled.
When we arrived at his place, he started cleaning. I kept yelling at him to stop. I didn’t care about the condition of his apartment. I would have liked to think of myself no longer as company, and more as companion. He sat on the couch, and I sat on his computer chair facing him while we chatted. After a while, I realized how ridiculous this setup was. I aimed to remedy it. I got up, walked over to the couch, moved the pile of papers from it, and sat next to him. He looked slightly uncomfortable by this, and I couldn’t fathom why.
He suggested we move to the bed. My goal was being accomplished. I was all too happy to move things to the bedroom. We climbed onto his bed. We talked and then began hugging each other. This morphed into spooning.
I was happy and hoping this would progress to sex, but I was sorely mistaken. After spooning for about ten seconds, he had his fill. He was ready to go to bed, and apparently I wasn’t part of that scenario. He went to brush his teeth, and was giving me all the signals it was time for me to go.
We said goodnight and exchanged a kiss at the door. Yet another night without sex. It was an enigma to me. I couldn’t figure him out. He spent the earlier portion of the night being utterly sweet and affectionate, but when it came time to end the night, the sparks were quickly doused.
I wished the night ended on a more positive note. I would have liked to go home a happy satisfied man, but yet again, I was debating in my head Smiles’ attraction to me…
abandon, advice, affectionate, age, attraction, Barracuda, bartender, bed, Cab, Chelsea, comfortable, Coming Out, conversation, Date, Dating, denied sex, dinner, drinking, effort, engaged, enigma, errands, fight, freezing, Friday, Friendship, Gay, Gay dating, gay sex, grindr, growing old, hand holding, Hoboken, Homosexual, Hooking Up, hug, intentions, kiss, love, New York, New York City, PDA, Penetration, progress, quiet corner, quit, relationship, romantic, Sex, signals, smiles, staying in, success, sweet, texting, true feelings, uncomfortable, wine, work, working late
As we left dinner Saturday afternoon following the opera, we began to walk north on Columbus Ave. I had no idea where we were going or what we were about to be doing, but I had a feeling I was going to enjoy the surprise. I was already enjoying the fact that he was being romantic enough to surprise me.
Finally we stopped at the corner of 67th to pop into 67 Wine. Call me stupid, but I was in the store for a solid two minutes before I realized what his plan was. I heard Smiles ask for a cold bottle of white wine, but it wasn’t until he asked for plastic cups that I realized his intentions. Apparently he wasn’t ready for our date to end. We were a few blocks from Central Park. He must have been planning a spontaneous picnic.
It’s been a looonnnggg time since a man put that much thought or care into a date with me. I was swooning from the attention. As we walked to the park, I had a smile from ear to ear.
We passed a family with a child being slightly rambunctious, and he stated, “Yea. The jury’s still out on that one.” I didn’t let that comment fall too far before I scooped it up. On our second date, he pointed out an apartment that would be perfect for two edgy gay men to live in, implying no children. I know children is the last thing one should be thinking about on a second date, but the comment caught me off guard. Children are definitely something I want in my life at some point. Hearing that he’s still entertaining the idea was reassuring. I said to him, “What? Kids?” When he acknowledged, I pointed out how he’d be a great dad.
We entered the park by Tavern on the Green. As we walked out onto Sheep’s Meadow, there was a plethora of people out enjoying a spectacular October Saturday. There were lots of frisbees and couples, much like Smiles and I, enjoying a nice evening in the park just as the sun was setting.
We found a plot of dry grass in the middle of the open field to sit and crack open our wine. He poured each of us a glass. I sprawled out a bit and leaned back onto my elbow to get closer to him to chat. It was really shaping up to be a very special day. A day a few hours earlier I wasn’t sure would come to fruition.
Somehow we got on the subject of high school hookups, which was very interesting to hear him talk about it. When he was in high school, he dated girls exclusively, as did I. I liked that about him for some odd reason. It made him a little “less gay,” if that makes any sense. He talked about his first time. At one point, after one of his stories, we even joked about Saran Wrap being used as a contraceptive. I talked about my upbringing and family. I learned my suspicions of his parents’ divorce were true. The conversation continued though college, finally ending in the real world post college. I found out when and where his love of cars came from (He owns a Mustang from the 60s I’m dying to take a ride in… Among the other things I want to do in it). I learned a great deal about him amongst those blades of grass. I caught a glimpse into how he became the man he is today.
As the sun went down, some cuddling ensued. It wasn’t until we couldn’t see very far in front of us that we decided to leave the park. After a short pit stop at the restrooms to relieve ourselves, we made a detour to investigate where some loud drumming and music was coming from. We discovered it was an impromptu drum session/dance party the broke out in the middle of the park. We stood and observed the celebration for some time, before out of nowhere, Smiles jumped into the mix and started dancing with one of the women. I loved his spontaneous spirit and was VERY impressed with his dancing skills. I was a little taken aback actually. I couldn’t stop smiling. I wasn’t sure if he expected me to join in, but I hadn’t had enough to drink yet to get my ass in that dance circle.
When we had our fill, we walked down a darker pathway. I took the opportunity to pull him aside for a quick kiss. I laid a big one on him. We continued on towards Columbus Circle without further plans. When we neared the subway, he pulled me towards him and said, “So I have a suggestion. Let’s go back to your place, put on gym shorts, and sit on the couch and watch a movie for the rest of the night.” My face lit up with a smile, and I said, “That sounds like a spectacular idea!” With that, we made our way to Port Authority to hop on the bus.
When we arrived at my apartment, I was surprised to find my roommates home with a large group of girls smoking on the balcony after a bar-be-que. I was less than thrilled. Our night of sitting on the couch alone was going to be heavily interrupted by a pack of young girls.
We poked our heads out on the balcony and said hi before heading to my room to put on more comfortable attire. Of course some kissing and heavy petting ensued while in my room, but we made our way back out to the balcony. Smiles planted himself in the middle of the group as if he’d known them forever. He joined their conversation and gave them advice while we all smoked. When Smiles and I had our fill, we went inside to order take-out to satiate our muchies. While waiting for the food, Smiles beckoned me to my bedroom. He was hungry for sex. After the day he showed me, who was I to deny him that pleasure. And, I too was hungry for sex.
However, if you’ve read my blog, you know I prefer to top. There was a polite standoff for a short period as to who was going to hold that position. No words were said, only body positions exchanged. Finally, I found myself in a weaker position and was conquered. If you’re keeping track now, that’s two points for him, none for me. I was okay with letting him top this time, but next time was definitely mine. This wasn’t something we discussed, and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t exclusively a top, but I wasn’t ready to end it even if he was. It was a catch 22.
Warning: The following may be a little graphic for some. After some passionate time, he finished. He was continuing, waiting for me to finish. I explained to him I never finish from bottoming. I was insinuating that I normally top. I wanted to make sure he didn’t think I always liked being on my back. He understood what I was saying, but was a little shocked I never finish from bottoming. He was perplexed. This was twice now we were together where he finished, and I did not. This topic is worth a blog post on its own. Stay tuned…
We cleaned up and went back out to the kitchen just as the delivery man was buzzing. We took our food and plopped down on the couch to eat. As we settled in, the girls finally left the apartment. We decided to watch the second Transformers since Smiles had never seen it. I was happy just spending time cuddled up next to him. Being as it was a long day, I kept falling asleep on him — Literally on him. No matter how hard I struggled to stay awake, I continued to fall asleep. When the movie was ending, I awoke and felt really bad for sleeping on him.
We cleaned up our mess and made our way to the bedroom to settle in for the night. I had one of the best days I’d ever spent with another man. I slept with a smile from ear to ear that night.
When we woke in the morning, I made coffee. We sat on the couch a bit, chatting with my roommate about her night before we finally showered and made our way to brunch at Trinity along the waterfront. We sat outside, yet again enjoying the nice Indian Summer we were having. When we finished eating, I walked him to the PATH to head home. Standing in front of the PATH, I kissed him. I’d never kissed a man in broad daylight in Hoboken before — Especially not in one of the busiest intersections in all of Hoboken in front of everyone watching Sunday football at the bar across the street. I was expanding my comfort zone, and certainly for a worthwhile cause.
As I left him, I had an abundance of energy. The endorphins were flowing! I kicked myself for ever doubting his feelings towards me and put his birthday party out of my mind. With that, I all but floated home. Hopefully, things would only go up from here.
67 Wine, bar-be-que, bottoming, bus, catch 22, Central Park, children, coffee, Columbus Ave, Columbus Circle, Coming Out, contraceptive, couch, dancing, Date, Dating, dating women, dinner, divorce, drinking, drum session, family, finish, Friendship, Gay, Gay dating, gay sex, grindr, gym shorts, high school hookups, Hoboken, Homosexual, Hooking Up, Indian Summer, kiss, love, movie, munchies, Mustang, New York, New York City, October, opera, PDA, Penetration, picnic, Port Authority, relationship, romantic, roommate, Saran Wrap, Sex, Sheep's Meadow, smiles, smoking, spontaneous, Sunday football, sunset, surprise, take-out, Tavern on the Green, texting, top, topping, Transformers Dark of the Moon, Trinity, upbringing, waterfront, wine
When I joined OKCupid, I had high hopes for the site. My ex, Broadway, told me to check it out. I had never heard of it before, but I was certainly willing to give it a shot.
When I joined, I made a profile and began poking around. I was very disappointed with the talent on the site. I found it very hard to find someone I wanted to send a message. I decided to take a passive role. As people viewed my profile and sent me messages, I sorted through the interested men to see if there was mutual interest on my end.
One guy started messaging and seemed to be compatible with me. He wasn’t the best looking guy, but he certainly had something different going for him. I decided to give him a shot. We started chatting on OKCupid, and quickly moved the conversation to the phone. He texted periodically, but mostly, he called at night before going to bed. We sparred playfully quite a bit. Our exchanges were fun, but periodically, he would push the envelope too far, and I would simply shoot him down.
As time passed, I wondered why he continued to call. I learned he wrote a Broadway show to be released in the spring and was contacting some very big names to be the female lead. He was in line for a lot of success, but at the time, he was working out of his apartment and living a below average lifestyle. We talked a little about me and what I do, but we didn’t get much into hobbies and what we do for fun. He was being elusive on those details.
I enjoyed the phone calls and the attention, but every time I hung up the phone, I would say to myself, “Why is he still calling me?” There were a few things we had in common, but I didn’t feel I was really what he was looking for. It seemed he was looking for a guy who would roll over at the snap of his fingers. I certainly wasn’t filling that position. I was actually beginning to look at him as great practice to be more confident and demand more from a man who was interested in me. When the conversation switched to sex, we discovered we were both tops. Even with that knowledge, he took every opportunity to ask me for a picture of my a$shole. I adamantly declined to fulfill that request. I made myself perfectly clear that was not something he would be receiving from me.
When he didn’t drop the request in every phone conversation following, I got quite heated. I told him if that was all he was interested in, he was barking up the wrong tree. I wasn’t on OKCupid to find a guy to have sex with. I was looking for more substance. If that was all the substance he had, he needed to move on. I think he finally got it. But, I also think he thought he was just being playful, and I was overreacting.
It was also getting to the point where I needed to meet this guy. We talked for over a week, and I wasn’t going to invest any more time if he wasn’t worth it. He was already on the fence in my mind — 50/50. But, I was willing to give him a chance, even though the odds were not in his favor.
We planned to go out on Saturday for drinks and a bite to eat to celebrate the casting of his lead female. Over text and phone conversations Saturday morning, I told him I would head into the city and meet him at 6:30. When he responded at 5:15 requesting we do 6:00, I sprang into action to get ready. On the walk to the PATH, I texted and called constantly. He wasn’t responding. I wasn’t about to get on the PATH until I knew where I was going and where I should get off.
I stopped at Starbucks and ordered a latte. Luckily, I grabbed my coat before I left my apartment, because I would be sitting on a park bench outside the PATH station for the next 45 minutes. I continued to call, until finally, he picked up the phone. He shouted, “Geez! I’ll call you back! Give it a rest!”
I was so insulted. No man was going to speak to me that way and get away with it. I was already passing the time by talking to guys on Grindr, and one even went on to invite me out for a beer. I should have abandoned my original plans at that point and had the beer. The fact that he continuously pursued me boosted my ego so much it became the only thing keeping me to those plans. Sad, I know.
Instead of grabbing the beer with the guy on Grindr, I went to The Melting Pot, where my friend is a bartender. I figured I’d grab a glass of wine and give this as$hole a few minutes to get back to me about our plans for that evening. I was going to give him a second chance, but I wasn’t going to let him get away with talking to me like that.
When he finally called, he didn’t acknowledge the time passed since we planned to meet. He also didn’t acknowledge barking at me over the phone. I was very short with him and called him on it. He didn’t apologize. His response: “Well, you can either come buy me a glass of sangria to celebrate my casting, or you can go home and cry about it.” I was flabbergasted! He had some nerve! Now, I was going on this date out of spite. I was going to be spectacular and then shoot him down.
When I arrived, he stood to greet me with a hug. He commented on how attractive I am — better than my pictures — and how he would have put more effort in if he only knew. He was laying it on thick. I could tell he was very attracted to me. I thrived on it. With every word, he gave me more power. He was actually less attractive than his pictures. I wasn’t interested in the slightest, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t use the date as target practice. I shot him down at every attempt. He made a few lewd comments, and I made my disgust apparent. When he made a cavalier comment about hitting the restrooms as a joke, I went off on him. I asked if that sort of thing normally worked for him. I pointed out how much of a negative effect it had on me. This guy was truly a creep. Ironically, I was having so much fun shooting down a guy who was pursuing me, when I should have been looking forward to the date’s end.
I found out he was late for the date because he was arguing with someone on the phone. He claimed he barked at me not knowing who it was and apologized. If he wasn’t rude enough, he spent 70% of the date texting on the phone. The argument wasn’t over. He didn’t even have the decency to give me his undivided attention.
When the date ended, we began to walk towards his apartment and the PATH train. When we reached a crossroad, he pulled me in for a close hug. Luckily, I didn’t have to kiss him, as he was recovering from a cold. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t trying to pull me closer than is comfortable. He started to make a comment about my being arouse, but I pointed out to him how much that wasn’t the case. I was blunt. “I could not be less aroused right now.” And, after a little more conversation, we parted ways.
I was shocked when he followed up with a text stating his desire to meet again. I responded, “That most likely will not be happening. We have very different priorities, and you were exceptionally rude.” He questioned how he was rude, and I decided it wasn’t even worth my time to recount the scenarios. He truly was an as$hole.
The best part of this was that I walked away unscathed. I actually had fun being blunt yet dignified. I wanted him to want me so badly, so when I shot him down, he’d realize what he was missing. I think I was successful considering the texts continued for some time…
apologize, Broadway, Coming Out, confidence, Date, Dating, dirty pix, drinking, Friendship, Gay, Gay dating, gay sex, guacamole, Homosexual, Hooking Up, late, latte, Melting Pot, New York, New York City, OKCupid, park bench, PATH, pursued, relationship, rude, sangria, second chance, sexting, shot down, spite, Starbucks, talking on the phone at dinner, texting, waiting, wine
On my walk home from work, I called my new Grindr friend to see if we were still on for drinks that evening. Sadly, however, he told me he wasn’t sure he would be able to make it. He still had to walk his two dogs and had a few things he needed to take care of. I was very anxious to meet him that night because it was the last opportunity I would have before heading to Martha’s Vineyard for a week. I know when momentum breaks, enthusiasm also wanes. I told him, “Well, go take care of what you need to do, and if you still think you can do it later, let me know.” He was worried I was missing out on other plans waiting around for him, but I assured him I had nothing planned for the evening. He wasn’t keeping me from anything. Such a gentleman.
As time passed, I had the idea to just invite him to my apartment to share a bottle of wine. It was a very nice night, and I have a comfortable balcony we could sit and chat on. I texted him the idea, and he happily agreed. An hour passed, and I heard nothing from him. I cut up different cheeses and laid them out on a nice platter with grapes, crackers, and chocolate covered espresso beans. Just as I was about to call him, I heard a buzz at my door. I buzzed him in and told him to come to the second floor. I opened the door to find exactly what I expected to see. He threw his arms open and gave me a big hug, exclaiming, “I made it!” I’m a big fan of hugs and feel people don’t hug enough theses days. After a sweet embrace, he sat and I poured him a glass of wine. He commented on how nice my apartment was and told me how easy it was to get there.
I asked if he wanted to sit on the balcony and he graciously obliged. We grabbed the cheese platter and wine and made our way outside.
He began by asking my family background. I told him my father’s side is German and my mother’s side is Polish, Irish and Welsh. I am a European mutt. He told me his grandfather was a Nazi who escaped Germany once he realized what was going on and that he was in over his head. He came to the US and started a famous steakhouse. His grandmother was a Native American bootlegger from who made moonshine. I’ll let you figure out how the two met. They then divorced when she ran away with a man in a terrorizing biker gang
The previous night, he told me he was a cowboy at one point in high school in another county. He explained how similar this was to Brokeback Mountain (minus the sex), as men were paired up. Like all the other pairs, he developed an extremely close bond with the man he was paired up with much akin to a brotherhood. When the time came for “Indiana Jones” to move back to the states to go to college, he had to say goodbye to this close friend. They stayed up all night reminiscing and crying about how much they would miss each other. I was so very touched by this story. I asked where his friend is now, and I was shocked and disappointed to find they haven’t been in touch since he left. I scolded him and told him to rebuild that connection.
When he came back to the states, he went to art school. He was always fascinated by art, anthropology and archeology. After he graduated, he traveled to India and fell in love with the culture. He told me about how ingrained in the local society he became. He wasn’t simply a tourist.

When he came back to the states, he was setting up his studio. He was cleaning things up and came across a windfall possibly worth millions. Instead of taking this money and living a high life, squandering it on a lavish lifestyle, he did the unthinkable. He took the money and built a hospital in the remote areas of India. When I learned of this, I was truly amazed. It was an ultimate act of selflessness. I was sitting next to one of the greatest men of my generation. After building the hospital, he decided to start a charity. I watched multiple videos on YouTube describing the work he is doing. He has built schools and hospitals and set up women’s centers. Someone even followed him around for five years and made a film about his life and his work.

The previous night, I was watching Labyrinth. The subject of David Bowie came up. Indiana Jones not only worked with him, but knew him on a more personal level. He worked with many celebrities beyond Bowie. Through his charity, he has worked with people from Bono to the Dalai Lama. Through his work and art, he has worked on many movie sets, such as Beloved and Chicago. He’s actually close enough friends with Renee Zellweger that she texted him when she started dating Bradley Cooper. When I asked him who his favorite person to work with was, he replied, “No one’s ever asked me that before. Hmmm. Mother Theresa. She has this sexiness about her. And, not in the typical sense obviously.” I retorted, “No. I completely understand. She’d have to have a certain charisma about her to produce such a following. She has to be persuasive. I see that same charisma in you. I can see why you are so successful.”
I’m not a celebrity whore. They are people just like you and me. I treat them as such. I definitely respect their work, but I’m not going to go crazy just because they scribbled on a piece of paper for me. This man is a worldwide celebrity, but I don’t think he knows it. I made it a point to tell him. He’s known by people all over the world from the most remote corners of India to the Himalayas to Africa to the U.S. People greet him with warmth and respect. He truly is doing good all over the world.
I, of course, asked about the Oprah thing. He was very humble about the experience and tried to downplay the whole thing. I am most impressed by the media impressions something like that generates. His story reached so many people. I can’t imagine what it did for his organization. He was also in O magazine. When he was telling me about the movie about his life and the need for distribution or a venue, I simply suggested he contact Oprah’s people and get it on her new OWN network. He thought it was a brilliant idea and said he would make a point to mention it to the director/producer.
I asked him about his charity and how much overhead he had. He explained that a majority of it is simply him. I asked, “Well, who answers the phone?” He detailed a small staff, but it really all boiled down to him and his board of directors. We talked about his need to find someone who could take over the reins when he was no longer able to do so. It would be a shame for all that hard work to just stop because the driving force behind it disappeared. He needed to find a protegé.
He took the time to tell me not only about all the good works his charity is involved with, but also about his personal life too. We talked about his partner and he showed me some pictures of him, his dogs, his house in Vermont he tries to escape to, etc. It was nice to get to know him on a personal level.
When we finished the bottle of wine and the entire cheese plate, it was time for him to head home. He had to pack for his upcoming trip to India. As he stood up, he said, “We spent so much time talking about me, next time I want to hear all about you!” I joked, “You’re life is slightly more interesting than mine!” I walked him to the door, and we exchanged another embrace.
As I walked to my room, I had a smile from ear to ear. Who would have thought I was capable of finding such an amazing friend on Grindr? But, I did. This would be the start of a beautiful friendship, and I looked forward to every minute of it!
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All week long, I was still reeling from my date with Prince Charming. He was really everything I was looking for in a man. Mature, driven, sexy, interesting, masculine… the list goes on. However, I couldn’t limit myself to just him. I needed a distraction or I would end up driving him away. Pillow seemed to have fallen by the wayside. Not sure what went wrong there, but I wasn’t going to put any more effort into chasing him down. After coffee with the midtown trainer, I realized the potential we had for compatibility. He seemed like a really great guy. On top of that, he was texting me asking when we were going to finally go out again, which is always a good sign. Apparently I made a good first impression.
We agreed to go out for dinner that Wednesday. He chose an Italian restaurant, Il Melagrano in the neighborhood between his gym and apartment. When I arrived, he was already sitting at a cozy table at the back of the establishment. I apologized for being slightly tardy, and we got to it.
We chatted a bit about what we were going to order, and then turned the conversation to our days so far. He had a very busy morning, while I had a day mainly filled with surfing the internet. When that conversation got stale, I brought the conversation back to something we spoke about on our first “date” — His skydiving trip. He was very excited, and we joked about all the possibilities of things going wrong and what he could do about it. When age came up, I could see he was uncomfortable with how much younger I was — Seven years. I told him not to think about it and to judge me on my actions and words and not my years on the planet. We changed topics of conversation periodically from working out, to work attire, to the Tough Mudder, to Fire Island, his dog and so on…
When our meal arrived, we continued the conversation. I feel as if I was doing a lot of the talking because he finished his food much sooner than I. When I realized this, I started asking more questions and did less of the talking myself. The conversation flowed well over our single glasses of wine, but it wasn’t 100% fluid. At one point during the conversation he mentioned his studio apartment: “Well, you’ll see it some day when it’s not a complete mess.” It was nice to hear, because it showed promise of another date and signaled to me he was a gentleman.
After coffee and desert, I walked him home. The conversation on the walk was much more jovial and relaxed. I felt very at ease with him. When we got to his apartment, I was ready to say goodbye on the street, but he invited me in to his lobby. We started making out and things began to get heavy. He backed himself up against the wall and pulled me in closer. His hands were all over my body, including down my pants, and I was seconds away from him having my shirt completely off. At that point, he paused long enough to hit the elevator button, signaling an invitation upstairs.
From the look of him, he was tipsy off the one drink we had at dinner. I wasn’t expecting to move this fast, so I was a little caught off-guard. I liked this guy and debated if I should be doing this with him already, but I just went with the flow like I usually do. When we entered the apartment, I got to meet his dog. She was very cute and friendly. He put her in the bathroom so she wouldn’t bother us while we got busy.
Seconds after I sat on the couch, he ripped my shirt off. At least I knew he was attracted to my body. Him being a personal trainer, I was self-conscious about my body. His was nothing short of spectacular, so I was hoping I’d live up to his standards.
We moved things to the bed, and both of us had our pants around our ankles. We were doing some heavy petting and grinding. It was a good time, but once again, I was having second thoughts about this. After some more fooling around, he finished. I wasn’t able to join in the fun as my head was a bit distracted. And then, on top of that, I was worried he’d wonder if there was something wrong with me or if I wasn’t attracted to him. Neither was the case. It’s just something that has always been adversely affected by mental distraction.
While he went to clean up, I began to put my pants back on. He already established he was getting up around 5:00am to go for a run and had a 6:00am client. I knew he wouldn’t want me to linger for small-talk. He came back and sat next to me with the dog at our feet. She already took a shining to me after I gave her an extensive belly rub, but when he went to give me a kiss, she started making noise. At this point, he made a game of it and started testing her, scolding her between every kiss until she didn’t make a sound.
At that, I gathered my things and said goodbye with a kiss. I walked down to Port Authority to take the bus home. Normally, my MO. was to text immediately and tell him how much I enjoyed the date, but this time I waited to see if he texted me the next day to see if he was interested, especially since the night didn’t end exactly smoothly. Only time would tell…
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I always get particularly excited when a new guy pops up on Grindr who happens to live in Hoboken. I have pretty much blocked all the gay men in Hoboken, so when a new one pops up, I notice.
One in particular messaged me and was pretty cute. In his pictures, he looked like he had a good body and seemed very nice and genuine. After we chatted a few times, we exchanged numbers and switched things over to texting.
He told me he was a trainer at NYSC, but he was on hiatus while he got a certification. In the meantime, he was working as a bartender on Fire Island. He was gone almost every Thursday through Monday. This made it very hard to find a time to meet up, but eventually we figured it out.
We decided to meet on a Tuesday evening at a Mexican restaurant in Hoboken, Charritos. I had only ever heard good things but had never been. He made a good choice. He spent the day out in the burbs of New Jersey at his friend’s pool, and he was late getting back because of rain and flooding. When he finally showed up in his ripped jeans, finely quaffed hair, tight T-shirt and leather bracelets, I knew this date was doomed from the start.
The night before I was warned about this guy. While talking to N, I learned they knew each other in passing. N had seen him working at the gym and told me he was quite effeminate. I became skeptical but open-minded at that point, but when I met this guy in person, the second he opened his mouth I was turned off. On top of that, I noticed how filled out he was. He was supposed to be a trainer. I would never go to a trainer who was that pudgy and couldn’t follow their own advice.
We sat and had a very nice dinner. We talked about coming out and our families’ reactions to the news. We chatted about work and what we do for fun. The conversation was nice, but there was no spark. He just kept looking at me with this big smile like he wanted to gobble me up. I got the feeling he was a bit lost in the world. He was openly gay, but I’m not sure if he knew how to navigate life with men. I shouldn’t talk, because I have no idea what I’m doing, but he seemed like his GPS was slightly off.
After dinner, he asked if I wanted to grab another drink somewhere. I obliged, but I should have ended the date then and there. I knew better. I clearly wasn’t interested in this guy and had an out to go home, but I felt bad for him. I felt like he needed a friend, so I stuck around. We went around the corner to Sushi Lounge and sat at the bar. We each ordered a round and continued our conversation.
Somehow the topic of the rainbow came up as a symbol for gay culture came up in conversation. I explained just how much I despised the rainbow. He was flabbergasted. He didn’t know how to react. I explained it was not something I embraced. I could understand why some people need a symbol to hold on to, but I was making every attempt to not let my homosexuality separate me from the rest of the world. I am a normal ordinary man who happens to like the company of other men. I don’t need a rainbow to broadcast who I am. On top of that, I find the rainbow aesthetically unpleasing. I could tell I really turned him off by all this, but he wasn’t going to argue.
Then the conversation turned to previous relationships. I told him about the two I had been in and the duration of each. He told me I had a longer relationship than any he’s ever had. When I asked him why, he asked the bartender for another drink. He was a broken gay man. I felt bad for him, but certainly no attraction towards him. I thought maybe I could be his friend.
After we split our tab, I walked him home. Much to my surprise, he invited me up. I have NO idea why I agreed, but I did. We sat on the couch with some wine while we watched one of the music channels. We got into a conversation about Lady Gaga. I told him I found her very inspirational and really got behind her message and what she stood for. He told me he was over her. We obviously were going to but heads, so I was about ready to leave.
At that moment, he took my wine glass, took off my shirt, and started kissing me. He was an awful kisser. All over the place. I did not want to be there making out with him. I did however feel he needed to be kissed. So, I suppose you could call it a pity kiss. After a short while, I told him I needed to go home. I had work the next day, and it was getting late. I said goodnight, and with that I was gone.
I made it as far as the bottom step of his apartment stoop when I realized I left my umbrella in his apartment. There was no way in hell I was coming back to this place to get it, nor did I really want to see him again after that night. So, I rang his apartment. He buzzed me in, and I went back up to get my umbrella. When I walked in the door, he pushed me back into a chair and mounted me. Apparently he wasn’t done. I immediately told him I needed to go. I only came back for the umbrella, not an encore. That’s when I really realized he only wanted me for my body. We didn’t have that great of conversation all night and disagreed a lot. We were obviously not compatible for a relationship, but maybe he was just horny. I was slightly offended and made my way home.
He immediately texted me: “Had a great night with you.” I didn’t respond immediately, but in the morning I texted: “I had a good time too.” After that, I was done with him. I was pleasant, but I didn’t give him hopes of a second date. He would not be a repeat offender. The next day he texted, “How was your day at work?” But, he would not get anything back from me. Once again, it was back to the dating pool…
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I woke Sunday morning and decided my time with Mr. Grindr was over. N was still trying to get with him, and that was a whole lot of drama I didn’t want to get into. I was disgusted by the whole thing. It reminded me constantly of the time I cheated on N just for the sake of evening a score. It reminded me of how much less of a man I was. I didn’t need it. Plenty of other fish in the sea. I think I kept him on the roster for so long as I did because I felt guilty for dragging him into the middle of N and I.
Since no one was in town, I did what I could to clear my head. I don’t do well alone. When I’m alone, I have nothing to distract me. I star to crawl up into my own head, and I don’t like what I find. I get depressed. I know this isn’t healthy, but denial is a wonderful thing! I decided to head down to the pier in Hoboken with a few magazines and my notebook to catch up on my blogging.
Of course, I couldn’t leave the house without my matchmaker, Grindr. And once again, I found myself spending more time searching and less time writing. I managed to reconnect with a guy I had been chatting with on an earlier day. He was a sexy black man from Jersey City. I have nothing against black men, but they’re not usually my type. However, I don’t discriminate, so I convinced him to come to the pier and hang out with me.
I had been in the sun a majority of the day and was enjoying myself. I sat and people watched and read Men’s Health and Details. He showed up a few hours later. We shook hands, and he sat next to me. We started with small talk, but as the day progressed, the conversation developed more substance. We shared a great deal in common. He looked like quite the athlete as well. He had nice arms and great legs. He kept his shirt on while we sat in the sun. I found this slightly odd, but to each his own. I just wanted to see what was under the shirt.
When I couldn’t take any more of the sun, I asked if he wanted to grab a drink. I was enjoying his company a lot. He seemed like a great guy. We packed up my blanket and other things and walked to nearby Trinity to sit by the waterfront and have a few cocktails. I hadn’t had lunch, so I ordered a large salad. We both got drinks outside our usual comfort zones and shared with each other. It was nice. We were having a good time. Eventually, he ordered some food as well.
I was pleasantly surprised. This was a completely last-minute unplanned date, and it was turning out to be quite good. I was also finding myself more and more attracted to him. He had an amazingly infectious smile.
After a few round of drinks, we took a walk along the waterfront. I hit a bit of a snag in keeping the date going. It was starting to get late, so I wanted to head back to my apartment, but I also wanted him to join me. But, I had my motorcycle and only one helmet. When we arrived at my bike, I explained the predicament and invited him to come back. I would have to ride home, and walk and meet him half way to my apartment. He agreed, so I sped off.
When we got to the apartment, I opened a bottle of wine, and we went out to the balcony to relax and keep the dialogue going. When 11:00 rolled around, he was ready to head home. I invited him to stay. He knew I was no longer interested in simple hookups. I made that clear early on, so he questioned my logic. I told him, “After spending the day with you, I feel comfortable and would like you to stay.” He graciously agreed, and we started making out on the balcony. After some time passed, I grabbed his hand and brought him back to my room.
The clothes came off, and that’s when I got a bomb dropped on me. All of a sudden, I knew why the shirt stayed on at the pier. While his legs and arms were quite toned and muscular, his mid section was very flabby. It was almost as if he had lap band surgery and hadn’t completed the skin restructuring. When I grabbed for his ass, it felt like a Ziploc of water. There was absolutely no muscle definition there. He wasn’t kidding when he told me he was a mathlete in high school, and not the football player I pictured him to be.
I’m sure I’m coming across very shallow at this point, but sexual attraction is 40% of a relationship for me. This was 40% I couldn’t get over. I can be very forgiving about a lot of things on a guy, but this was tough. I had been with a guy before who had this issue, but it was very slight. I looked past it. Tonight, I could, but this guy would not be back for seconds. I liked him a lot, but I was no longer sexually attracted to him. We still fooled around, and he spent the night with me, but I couldn’t picture myself repeating the night.
In the morning, we woke and got dressed. I explained how he could get to the light rail to head home. We kissed and he invited me to hang out again. He said I could come hang at his pool sometime. I appreciated this. He really was a nice guy. I could easily see us being friends, but we certainly would not be romantically involved. I gave him a kiss goodbye, and with that, he walked out the door.
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