When I joined OKCupid, I had high hopes for the site. My ex, Broadway, told me to check it out. I had never heard of it before, but I was certainly willing to give it a shot.
When I joined, I made a profile and began poking around. I was very disappointed with the talent on the site. I found it very hard to find someone I wanted to send a message. I decided to take a passive role. As people viewed my profile and sent me messages, I sorted through the interested men to see if there was mutual interest on my end.
One guy started messaging and seemed to be compatible with me. He wasn’t the best looking guy, but he certainly had something different going for him. I decided to give him a shot. We started chatting on OKCupid, and quickly moved the conversation to the phone. He texted periodically, but mostly, he called at night before going to bed. We sparred playfully quite a bit. Our exchanges were fun, but periodically, he would push the envelope too far, and I would simply shoot him down.
As time passed, I wondered why he continued to call. I learned he wrote a Broadway show to be released in the spring and was contacting some very big names to be the female lead. He was in line for a lot of success, but at the time, he was working out of his apartment and living a below average lifestyle. We talked a little about me and what I do, but we didn’t get much into hobbies and what we do for fun. He was being elusive on those details.
I enjoyed the phone calls and the attention, but every time I hung up the phone, I would say to myself, “Why is he still calling me?” There were a few things we had in common, but I didn’t feel I was really what he was looking for. It seemed he was looking for a guy who would roll over at the snap of his fingers. I certainly wasn’t filling that position. I was actually beginning to look at him as great practice to be more confident and demand more from a man who was interested in me. When the conversation switched to sex, we discovered we were both tops. Even with that knowledge, he took every opportunity to ask me for a picture of my a$shole. I adamantly declined to fulfill that request. I made myself perfectly clear that was not something he would be receiving from me.
When he didn’t drop the request in every phone conversation following, I got quite heated. I told him if that was all he was interested in, he was barking up the wrong tree. I wasn’t on OKCupid to find a guy to have sex with. I was looking for more substance. If that was all the substance he had, he needed to move on. I think he finally got it. But, I also think he thought he was just being playful, and I was overreacting.
It was also getting to the point where I needed to meet this guy. We talked for over a week, and I wasn’t going to invest any more time if he wasn’t worth it. He was already on the fence in my mind — 50/50. But, I was willing to give him a chance, even though the odds were not in his favor.
We planned to go out on Saturday for drinks and a bite to eat to celebrate the casting of his lead female. Over text and phone conversations Saturday morning, I told him I would head into the city and meet him at 6:30. When he responded at 5:15 requesting we do 6:00, I sprang into action to get ready. On the walk to the PATH, I texted and called constantly. He wasn’t responding. I wasn’t about to get on the PATH until I knew where I was going and where I should get off.
I stopped at Starbucks and ordered a latte. Luckily, I grabbed my coat before I left my apartment, because I would be sitting on a park bench outside the PATH station for the next 45 minutes. I continued to call, until finally, he picked up the phone. He shouted, “Geez! I’ll call you back! Give it a rest!”
I was so insulted. No man was going to speak to me that way and get away with it. I was already passing the time by talking to guys on Grindr, and one even went on to invite me out for a beer. I should have abandoned my original plans at that point and had the beer. The fact that he continuously pursued me boosted my ego so much it became the only thing keeping me to those plans. Sad, I know.
Instead of grabbing the beer with the guy on Grindr, I went to The Melting Pot, where my friend is a bartender. I figured I’d grab a glass of wine and give this as$hole a few minutes to get back to me about our plans for that evening. I was going to give him a second chance, but I wasn’t going to let him get away with talking to me like that.
When he finally called, he didn’t acknowledge the time passed since we planned to meet. He also didn’t acknowledge barking at me over the phone. I was very short with him and called him on it. He didn’t apologize. His response: “Well, you can either come buy me a glass of sangria to celebrate my casting, or you can go home and cry about it.” I was flabbergasted! He had some nerve! Now, I was going on this date out of spite. I was going to be spectacular and then shoot him down.
When I arrived, he stood to greet me with a hug. He commented on how attractive I am — better than my pictures — and how he would have put more effort in if he only knew. He was laying it on thick. I could tell he was very attracted to me. I thrived on it. With every word, he gave me more power. He was actually less attractive than his pictures. I wasn’t interested in the slightest, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t use the date as target practice. I shot him down at every attempt. He made a few lewd comments, and I made my disgust apparent. When he made a cavalier comment about hitting the restrooms as a joke, I went off on him. I asked if that sort of thing normally worked for him. I pointed out how much of a negative effect it had on me. This guy was truly a creep. Ironically, I was having so much fun shooting down a guy who was pursuing me, when I should have been looking forward to the date’s end.
I found out he was late for the date because he was arguing with someone on the phone. He claimed he barked at me not knowing who it was and apologized. If he wasn’t rude enough, he spent 70% of the date texting on the phone. The argument wasn’t over. He didn’t even have the decency to give me his undivided attention.
When the date ended, we began to walk towards his apartment and the PATH train. When we reached a crossroad, he pulled me in for a close hug. Luckily, I didn’t have to kiss him, as he was recovering from a cold. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t trying to pull me closer than is comfortable. He started to make a comment about my being arouse, but I pointed out to him how much that wasn’t the case. I was blunt. “I could not be less aroused right now.” And, after a little more conversation, we parted ways.
I was shocked when he followed up with a text stating his desire to meet again. I responded, “That most likely will not be happening. We have very different priorities, and you were exceptionally rude.” He questioned how he was rude, and I decided it wasn’t even worth my time to recount the scenarios. He truly was an as$hole.
The best part of this was that I walked away unscathed. I actually had fun being blunt yet dignified. I wanted him to want me so badly, so when I shot him down, he’d realize what he was missing. I think I was successful considering the texts continued for some time…Follow @onegayatatime