Posts Tagged drinking
Principal’s Office
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 4, 2011
Starting the final Friday of my vacation, I began talking to a very interesting man on the mainland of Massachusetts. Right off the bat we clicked. Of course, I found him on Grindr, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a man of quality.
I tried my hardest to convince him to visit me. I suggested we grab a drink and/or dinner. We went back-and-forth on the issue, and of course, I ultimately lost. No matter how hard I tried, he would not get on a ferry. Even after offering my bed following his question of where he would sleep, there was no convincing him. I went as far as to pull a shirtless picrture out of my arsenal. No dice.
But that didn’t deter me. We spoke every day of the rest of my trip. I enjoyed his messages. I enjoyed the cat-and-mouse game we played. When the time came to drive home, I turned to him to entertain me for the long car ride. We started messaging each other the second I hopped on that ferry. Had I been in charge of my own transportation, I would have made a detour on the way home, but that wasn’t an option for me.
Instead we took the oppotunity to get to know each other over five-and-a-half hours. I learned about his job as an elementary school principal. I enjoyed picturing him with a myriad of children circling around him. I remembered how much respect I had for my principal growing up. It was fun to picture the little tykes looking up to him. I learned he swam in high school and coached a team as well, but he had to give it up when he left the classroom for the principal’s office.
When we stopped at a gas station, I surprised him by calling for the first time. It was great to hear his voice. He never expected me to pick up the phone and call, but after talking to him for three days, I thought it was time to speak to him instead of just texting. The conversation was short, but it was special.
Once we got back on the road, it was back to texting. Periodically, I would switch back to some of the other guys on Grindr, but I didn’t have much interest in them. They lived in Rhode Island, Connecticut, etc. It was crazy enough I was trying to continue the conversation with someone in northern Massachusetts.
However, I learned one thing when I was working things out with San Francisco from across the U.S. You can find ways to make a long distance relationship work, but certain understandings need to be met. Both parties need to be willing to put in great effort to make it work, and an end game needs to be discussed at some point.
My mainlander continued to point out how ridiculous it was for us to be talking. He was very skeptical of the whole thing. I tried my hardest to get him to open up. I told him, “I’m not thinking about that bridge until I come to it. Right now I’m just enjoying chatting with you. Does it make sense to do this? No. But could it be something special? Only time would tell. But, it’s sure to fail if you don’t give it a chance to even begin.”
With every word, I found myself falling for what I pictured this man to be. I proceeded with caution, but I was also diving in full force to explore the possibilities of where our conversation could go.
When I arrived home, the conversation ended for the day. I was preoccupied with other men, but that doesn’t mean the conversation between us ended at that moment. I liked everything I was discovering thus far, but there was much more digging to be done…
Follow @onegayatatimeSex On The Beach
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 28, 2011
Friday had come and gone on the island, and I behaved myself. I was trying to enjoy my time with my friends and stop thinking about finding a guy to hang out with, hookup or not. But, when Saturday rolled around and most of my friends were all coupled up, I started feeling lonely once again.
We went to a bar in Oak Bluff, Offshore Ale Company, to pregame for a night on the town. We ordered plates of french fries and tried some of the many beers they offered on tap. Everyone was well on their to a drunk night.
Throughout the night, I texted the Russian and tried to get him to come out to the bar. He wasn’t interested. However, he was quite horny and was looking to meet up with me. He proposed we hit up a remote stretch of beach between Oak Bluff and Vineyard Haven. He told me he’d drive over and pick me up in twenty minutes. I had patchy service everywhere on the island (Thanks for nothing T-Mobile!), so I was worried he wasn’t going to be able to reach me. Ironically, that night at the bar, I had exceptional service, but almost forty minutes passed by with no word from him. I texted, but I received no response.
I figured he was either running behind or something came up, so I contined to hang out with my friends. Ironically, I ran into my college teammate’s best friend whom I’ve drank with many times in Hoboken. We chatted a bit before he needed to leave, and then I made my way back to the rest of the gang.
I excused myself to go outside to call the Russian and see what was up. I told everyone I’d be back in a minute after I made a phone call. When I got outside, I saw him standing by his car. He apologized for not getting back to me because he forgot his phone at home. I hopped in his car, and we left for the beach. I texted one of my friends to explain I wasn’t coming back in the bar, but I would join up with them later in the night.
We pulled off the road into a small parking lot by the beach. Just as we were walking down to the sand, another car pulled up. We figured we’d need to walk a bit to get out of site of the new arrivals. It didn’t help the moon was bright that night. (Warning: The following may be too graphic for some). When we found a spot, we started to make out. He unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants. He got down on his knees in the sand and went to town. He felt amazing. Already, this was much better than the ginger and the construction site. All attention was coming to me, and I was basking in it. He took off his sweatshirt and laid it on the ground and laid down on his back on top of it. I laid on top of him. By now, both our shirts were off and our pants were around our ankles.
We agreed there would be no penetration, but we were going to have our fun in other ways. And, boy did we. We tried many positions and permutations, trying to avoid getting sandy at all times. After we finished decorating the sand, we got dressed carefully and walked back to the car. The last thing I wanted was to spend the rest of the night at the bar with sand in my clothes and boxers. We sat on the hood of the car and shared a cigarette. When it was finished, we hopped in, and he drove me back to town where my friends were drinking and dancing at the bar.
I arrived too late and was not granted access, however, this worked out well because some friends were heading home anyway. I joined them to head home for some late-night mac n’ cheese.
It was nice to have a friend with benefits on the island. He lived on the island year-round and makes his living in various ways, one of which is photography. This would be the last action I got on my vacation, but that didn’t mean the conversation ended there.
Since leaving Martha’s Vineyard, I became Facebook friends with the Russian. The Boston guy with the girlfriend has made it a point to text and email me the dates he is coming to New York City. The ginger photojournalist has texted me once to reiterate the good time he had and to ask how the rest of my vacation was going once he arrived back in D.C. Overall, it was a nice ego boost. Apparently I’m that good and hot enough they felt the need to followup.
Most likely, I will never see any of them again, but I take with me some fun memories and new experiences. Just as my vacation was ending, my priorities began to shift. Sex was starting to severely lose its mystique. It tends to do that when you have meaningless sex. I needed a change and this was a good transition point. When I got home, things were going to be different — Or at least that was the plan…
Follow @onegayatatimeThe Closet Turns in His V-Card
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 23, 2011
Just when you thought you heard the last from N, he’s made his way right back into the blog. You certainly weren’t the only one. We hadn’t spoken in a while. I got tired of his constant insinuations I was a whore. I was finding myself, and he was certainly not someone who should be judging me. I was over him, but I still wanted his friendship. But, if that meant dealing with the harassment I was receiving, I didn’t need his friendship that much.
On a random Thursday night at 12:30am I received a text from N. This is the conversation that ensued:
N: “Wanna go out? Cmon! Lol. I just got in from dinner with French coworkers.”
Me: “What!?”
“Lol. I took tomorrow off.”
Me: “Haha. Me too.”
N: “Hahahahah. Let’s gay bar. Lol. Jk. N’ play with men.”
Me: “Haha. Where’s your boy?”
N: “My boy?”
Me: “Yea.”
N: “He’s home. I just said I wanna play. Not hookup.”
Me: “I wasn’t saying that.”
N: “I’m not a slut.”
Me: “I didn’t say you were. Don’t put words in my mouth.”
N: “Can I put something else in your mouth instead?”
Me: “Lol. I’m not a slut. Haha.”
N: “I bet. ;)”
Me: “Okay. Maybe a lil”
N: “Pig”
Me: “?”
N: “Joke”
Me: “You at home?”
N: “Yup.”
Me: “Not going to the bar, but I’ll hang on the balcony if you’re down… Bored…”
TIME PASSES
Me: “Ha! Waiting for a better offer?… Haha”
N: “STFU. I’m smoking with my roommate.”
Me: “Enjoy.”
THE NEXT MORNING
N: “God, I was wrecked.”
Me: “Any interest in a trip to the gym uptown?”
N: “I’m going into work in five. Taking a cab. Or else I would.”
Me: “I thought you took the day off?”
N: “I think I’m going there from now on. I saw your old roommate there Wednesday.”
Me: “I know. Don’t change your gym for him. He’s not gonna blow you in the sauna…”
N: “Okay. I wasn’t changin’ for your weird unattractive ex-roommate, or for a sauna blowjob. But thanks for looking out.”
Me: “Any time.”
N: “Jerk.”
He may have gotten his jibes in, but I certainly didn’t stand there and take it this time. I started out playing along to try to show him the comments didn’t bother me. I thought if I played along, maybe they’d stop. I was wrong. That’s when I realized I needed to throw it right back at him. It seems to have worked. At this point I needed a break. His drunk texts may have been sober thoughts, but I wasn’t playing that game! It just proved to me once again I was the guy who conveniently lived across the street. Only time would heal that wound.
That entire week, Closet was texting me asking for sex. That Friday night I was free, and once again, I was home alone. I told him to come by.
This time, when he arrived, we went straight to the bedroom. We chatted while he took his shoes, shirt and pants off, but that didn’t last long. He lunged for me on the bed and was immediately on top of me, passionately making out. We stripped each other of all clothing and enjoyed each other’s company immensely.
Then, out of nowhere, he informed me he had been doing some preparation that week and asked me to try penetration again. I knew he was a virgin to this and it would certainly be a learning experience for him. I debated if I wanted the responsibility of being his first. He was a really nice guy, and we were having fun. In the five seconds I thought about it, I convinced myself, “Why not?” We were both here just to hook up. Why shouldn’t it be educational as well?
We both prepped, and I began slowly. VERY slowly. He of course winced at first, but soldiered on. I was impressed. After a while he really enjoyed himself, but then all of a sudden he asked to stop. He said he felt the need to urinate. He ran into the bathroom but nothing. He came back, and we began again. He apologized once more and said he had to use the bathroom. Again, nothing. He came back perplexed. I explained it was something he needed to get used to feeling. I was possibly pushing on his bladder or prostate. The whole time we were hooking up, I was slightly distracted. I kept thinking about how much he felt like a kid. He is older than I am, but he certainly felt like the much younger student. It was a strange dynamic. I barely knew what I was doing. How was I teaching someone else?
We began again, and he started to relax and enjoy himself. By the time we finished, he was enjoying himself full force. And thus, a bottom was born!
We laid there and chatted a bit. I got us glasses of water while we talked. After some time passed, we both showered, got dressed, and I gave him a kiss goodbye. I didn’t want to get in too deep with him, but for the time being, we were having fun. I wasn’t going to stand in the way of that. I had a feeling as well, this wouldn’t be the last time I saw Closet…
Follow @onegayatatimeIndiana Jones
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 22, 2011
On my walk home from work, I called my new Grindr friend to see if we were still on for drinks that evening. Sadly, however, he told me he wasn’t sure he would be able to make it. He still had to walk his two dogs and had a few things he needed to take care of. I was very anxious to meet him that night because it was the last opportunity I would have before heading to Martha’s Vineyard for a week. I know when momentum breaks, enthusiasm also wanes. I told him, “Well, go take care of what you need to do, and if you still think you can do it later, let me know.” He was worried I was missing out on other plans waiting around for him, but I assured him I had nothing planned for the evening. He wasn’t keeping me from anything. Such a gentleman.
As time passed, I had the idea to just invite him to my apartment to share a bottle of wine. It was a very nice night, and I have a comfortable balcony we could sit and chat on. I texted him the idea, and he happily agreed. An hour passed, and I heard nothing from him. I cut up different cheeses and laid them out on a nice platter with grapes, crackers, and chocolate covered espresso beans. Just as I was about to call him, I heard a buzz at my door. I buzzed him in and told him to come to the second floor. I opened the door to find exactly what I expected to see. He threw his arms open and gave me a big hug, exclaiming, “I made it!” I’m a big fan of hugs and feel people don’t hug enough theses days. After a sweet embrace, he sat and I poured him a glass of wine. He commented on how nice my apartment was and told me how easy it was to get there.
I asked if he wanted to sit on the balcony and he graciously obliged. We grabbed the cheese platter and wine and made our way outside.
He began by asking my family background. I told him my father’s side is German and my mother’s side is Polish, Irish and Welsh. I am a European mutt. He told me his grandfather was a Nazi who escaped Germany once he realized what was going on and that he was in over his head. He came to the US and started a famous steakhouse. His grandmother was a Native American bootlegger from who made moonshine. I’ll let you figure out how the two met. They then divorced when she ran away with a man in a terrorizing biker gang
The previous night, he told me he was a cowboy at one point in high school in another county. He explained how similar this was to Brokeback Mountain (minus the sex), as men were paired up. Like all the other pairs, he developed an extremely close bond with the man he was paired up with much akin to a brotherhood. When the time came for “Indiana Jones” to move back to the states to go to college, he had to say goodbye to this close friend. They stayed up all night reminiscing and crying about how much they would miss each other. I was so very touched by this story. I asked where his friend is now, and I was shocked and disappointed to find they haven’t been in touch since he left. I scolded him and told him to rebuild that connection.
When he came back to the states, he went to art school. He was always fascinated by art, anthropology and archeology. After he graduated, he traveled to India and fell in love with the culture. He told me about how ingrained in the local society he became. He wasn’t simply a tourist.
When he came back to the states, he was setting up his studio. He was cleaning things up and came across a windfall possibly worth millions. Instead of taking this money and living a high life, squandering it on a lavish lifestyle, he did the unthinkable. He took the money and built a hospital in the remote areas of India. When I learned of this, I was truly amazed. It was an ultimate act of selflessness. I was sitting next to one of the greatest men of my generation. After building the hospital, he decided to start a charity. I watched multiple videos on YouTube describing the work he is doing. He has built schools and hospitals and set up women’s centers. Someone even followed him around for five years and made a film about his life and his work.
The previous night, I was watching Labyrinth. The subject of David Bowie came up. Indiana Jones not only worked with him, but knew him on a more personal level. He worked with many celebrities beyond Bowie. Through his charity, he has worked with people from Bono to the Dalai Lama. Through his work and art, he has worked on many movie sets, such as Beloved and Chicago. He’s actually close enough friends with Renee Zellweger that she texted him when she started dating Bradley Cooper. When I asked him who his favorite person to work with was, he replied, “No one’s ever asked me that before. Hmmm. Mother Theresa. She has this sexiness about her. And, not in the typical sense obviously.” I retorted, “No. I completely understand. She’d have to have a certain charisma about her to produce such a following. She has to be persuasive. I see that same charisma in you. I can see why you are so successful.”
I’m not a celebrity whore. They are people just like you and me. I treat them as such. I definitely respect their work, but I’m not going to go crazy just because they scribbled on a piece of paper for me. This man is a worldwide celebrity, but I don’t think he knows it. I made it a point to tell him. He’s known by people all over the world from the most remote corners of India to the Himalayas to Africa to the U.S. People greet him with warmth and respect. He truly is doing good all over the world.
I, of course, asked about the Oprah thing. He was very humble about the experience and tried to downplay the whole thing. I am most impressed by the media impressions something like that generates. His story reached so many people. I can’t imagine what it did for his organization. He was also in O magazine. When he was telling me about the movie about his life and the need for distribution or a venue, I simply suggested he contact Oprah’s people and get it on her new OWN network. He thought it was a brilliant idea and said he would make a point to mention it to the director/producer.
I asked him about his charity and how much overhead he had. He explained that a majority of it is simply him. I asked, “Well, who answers the phone?” He detailed a small staff, but it really all boiled down to him and his board of directors. We talked about his need to find someone who could take over the reins when he was no longer able to do so. It would be a shame for all that hard work to just stop because the driving force behind it disappeared. He needed to find a protegé.
He took the time to tell me not only about all the good works his charity is involved with, but also about his personal life too. We talked about his partner and he showed me some pictures of him, his dogs, his house in Vermont he tries to escape to, etc. It was nice to get to know him on a personal level.
When we finished the bottle of wine and the entire cheese plate, it was time for him to head home. He had to pack for his upcoming trip to India. As he stood up, he said, “We spent so much time talking about me, next time I want to hear all about you!” I joked, “You’re life is slightly more interesting than mine!” I walked him to the door, and we exchanged another embrace.
As I walked to my room, I had a smile from ear to ear. Who would have thought I was capable of finding such an amazing friend on Grindr? But, I did. This would be the start of a beautiful friendship, and I looked forward to every minute of it!
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You Were on Oprah!?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 21, 2011
Sometimes someone comes into your life and just simply blows you away. You have no idea where they came from, and you have no idea why they are talking to you. They are simply amazing, and you feel you don’t deserve a minute of their time.
On a random Monday night, while watching Labyrinth with my roommate, I was poking around on Grindr. I came across a good looking torso so I messaged him my standard message, “Hey stud.” I don’t know why, but that line always seems to work. I think men can’t resist being called stud. I know I would be highly flattered if someone said it to me.
We began chatting. He was a really nice guy and quite a gentleman. I learned he lived not far from me in Jersey City. We started flirting a bit and swapped a few picrtures. I told him why I was on Grindr: I am looking to meet guys and see where things go. I told him about my sordid dating life, and what I was really looking for in a man. He told me I seemed like a really great guy and asked why I was still single. I told him I was hunting for my unicorn, a monogamous man who acted like a man and was willing to give me as much as I was willing to give him. I then turned the question on him. He said, “I never said I was single.”
This is the part of the conversation when my heart sinks. Every time someone says something like this to me, a little piece inside of me dies. There have to be guys out there who are happy with their relationships and aren’t involved in extra-curricular activities outside their relationship.
I asked him to elaborate. (I apologize if this gets vague, but I am doing so to protect this man’s identity… He is somewhat of a public figure as you will come to learn) He explained his partner is a performer who continued to work beyond the typical age of retirement in his field. Because of this, his partner has to take a lot of medication, and he thinks it has severely effected his libido. As a result, after seven years together, they haven’t had sex in a year and a half. On top of that, he travels the world for months at a time (he was gone for 5 months when we started chatting). My heart went out to him on this one. That is a long time. But, I still don’t see that as an excuse to sneak around and find sex outside the relationship.
Every time he asked for sex, his partner was always too tired or not feeling well. A year and a half of that is unacceptable. They needed to talk about it with each other, even if it was something his partner wasn’t interested talking about. He rationalized being on Grindr by saying he needed to feel sexy, so why couldn’t he flirt a bit. We had a very adult conversation about the whole situation. I told him he needed to force his partner to address their problems. Relationships are about two peoples’ happiness. If he wasn’t getting everything he needed in the relationship, he needed to speak up more forcefully. Basically, I talked him out of doing anything he would regret down the road. I never want to be something someone regrets. No one wants that negative energy associated with himself.
He replied, “Okay. Sorry for the pictures! Just friends!” I needed friends just as much, if not more than I need a lover. I was excited by the prospect because this man seemed to lead an exciting life. He was an amazing man who had a weak moment. I told him not to worry about the pictures and made sure to reiterate I thought he was a very sexy man. He loved his partner, and it was apparent. From then on, we had a friendly conversation to get to know each other. I could tell we both have very curious minds. I wanted to hear all about him and his life’s adventures.
In high school, he moved to another country for some time and was a cowboy. After that he went to college in the states. Following, he made an extended trip to a remote part of India and fell in love with the culture. When he came back to the states, he came upon a windfall amassing him a very large sum of money. Instead of squandering it, he put it to good use and started a charitable organization.
The man is basically Indiana Jones. I almost didn’t believe his story, but then discovered someone made a movie about his life. But the coup de gras was when I found out he was on Oprah. Not that she is the end all and be all, but she added legitimacy to his story no one else could equal. I was honored a man of this caliber was interested in being my friend.
We talked about the celebrities he’s worked with and the good he’s done in the world. In the back of my mind, all I could think about was the medium in which I met this amazing man. To anyone who says Grindr is simply a hookup, I feel you are sorely mistaken. Grindr is what you make it. It is simply the medium for communication. You choose the messages you send.
After I finished watching the movie, I called him on the phone to chat more. I was purely fascinated. Before hanging up, I made plans with him to grab a drink the following night. He agreed to come to Hoboken, as he had to travel to Edgewater to meet a friend. We would find a nice quiet bar to grab a glass of wine and chat. I was elated. The following night, I texted him to confirm our plans, but those plans would have to change…
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Unexpected Lovin’
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 14, 2011
All week long, I was still reeling from my date with Prince Charming. He was really everything I was looking for in a man. Mature, driven, sexy, interesting, masculine… the list goes on. However, I couldn’t limit myself to just him. I needed a distraction or I would end up driving him away. Pillow seemed to have fallen by the wayside. Not sure what went wrong there, but I wasn’t going to put any more effort into chasing him down. After coffee with the midtown trainer, I realized the potential we had for compatibility. He seemed like a really great guy. On top of that, he was texting me asking when we were going to finally go out again, which is always a good sign. Apparently I made a good first impression.
We agreed to go out for dinner that Wednesday. He chose an Italian restaurant, Il Melagrano in the neighborhood between his gym and apartment. When I arrived, he was already sitting at a cozy table at the back of the establishment. I apologized for being slightly tardy, and we got to it.
We chatted a bit about what we were going to order, and then turned the conversation to our days so far. He had a very busy morning, while I had a day mainly filled with surfing the internet. When that conversation got stale, I brought the conversation back to something we spoke about on our first “date” — His skydiving trip. He was very excited, and we joked about all the possibilities of things going wrong and what he could do about it. When age came up, I could see he was uncomfortable with how much younger I was — Seven years. I told him not to think about it and to judge me on my actions and words and not my years on the planet. We changed topics of conversation periodically from working out, to work attire, to the Tough Mudder, to Fire Island, his dog and so on…
When our meal arrived, we continued the conversation. I feel as if I was doing a lot of the talking because he finished his food much sooner than I. When I realized this, I started asking more questions and did less of the talking myself. The conversation flowed well over our single glasses of wine, but it wasn’t 100% fluid. At one point during the conversation he mentioned his studio apartment: “Well, you’ll see it some day when it’s not a complete mess.” It was nice to hear, because it showed promise of another date and signaled to me he was a gentleman.
After coffee and desert, I walked him home. The conversation on the walk was much more jovial and relaxed. I felt very at ease with him. When we got to his apartment, I was ready to say goodbye on the street, but he invited me in to his lobby. We started making out and things began to get heavy. He backed himself up against the wall and pulled me in closer. His hands were all over my body, including down my pants, and I was seconds away from him having my shirt completely off. At that point, he paused long enough to hit the elevator button, signaling an invitation upstairs.
From the look of him, he was tipsy off the one drink we had at dinner. I wasn’t expecting to move this fast, so I was a little caught off-guard. I liked this guy and debated if I should be doing this with him already, but I just went with the flow like I usually do. When we entered the apartment, I got to meet his dog. She was very cute and friendly. He put her in the bathroom so she wouldn’t bother us while we got busy.
Seconds after I sat on the couch, he ripped my shirt off. At least I knew he was attracted to my body. Him being a personal trainer, I was self-conscious about my body. His was nothing short of spectacular, so I was hoping I’d live up to his standards.
We moved things to the bed, and both of us had our pants around our ankles. We were doing some heavy petting and grinding. It was a good time, but once again, I was having second thoughts about this. After some more fooling around, he finished. I wasn’t able to join in the fun as my head was a bit distracted. And then, on top of that, I was worried he’d wonder if there was something wrong with me or if I wasn’t attracted to him. Neither was the case. It’s just something that has always been adversely affected by mental distraction.
While he went to clean up, I began to put my pants back on. He already established he was getting up around 5:00am to go for a run and had a 6:00am client. I knew he wouldn’t want me to linger for small-talk. He came back and sat next to me with the dog at our feet. She already took a shining to me after I gave her an extensive belly rub, but when he went to give me a kiss, she started making noise. At this point, he made a game of it and started testing her, scolding her between every kiss until she didn’t make a sound.
At that, I gathered my things and said goodbye with a kiss. I walked down to Port Authority to take the bus home. Normally, my MO. was to text immediately and tell him how much I enjoyed the date, but this time I waited to see if he texted me the next day to see if he was interested, especially since the night didn’t end exactly smoothly. Only time would tell…
Follow @onegayatatimePrince Charming
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 13, 2011
Saturday morning, I woke up without an alarm and laid in my bed. I picked up my tablet and began checking my emails, Twitter, Facebook, and finally, my adam4adam.com profile. I received numerous messages, as usual, but mainly from old men and thugs. However, there was a message from one guy in particular. He started off by telling me I had a great body, which is always a plus in my book.
His messages had a certain sass about them. I really liked it. I can really appreciate a man who knows how to verbally spar. There was also some heavy flirting going on. He said, “Can you drop that towel?” I replied, “Haha. Do you know how many people have said that to me?” To which he responded, “Yeah, but do they also ask you to turn around and pick it right back up? I wanna see it all! 😉 “He pointed out we chatted before on Grindr. The conversation never went anywhere, but there was nothing that showed it to be a failure. We chatted earlier in the month about where we lived and where we went to the gym.
In one of my pictures on a4a, I am seated on my motorcycle. He was very turned on by this and told me he wanted to go for a ride sometime. Through the course of the conversation, I also learned he taught flight lessons at a nearby airport. I made a deal with him that he could ride on the back of my motorcycle if I got a ride in his airplane. I told him I would drive him to the hanger at the airport, and we could reenact some scenes from Top Gun.
He did one better than that. He offered to fly me to mid-state New York for lunch, with the possibility of handing over the controls. Learning to fly has always been on my life’s to-do list. I was thrilled! I assured him I wasn’t just attracted to him for his flying abilities. He suggested we go out for a drink sometime and suggested a biergarten in Jersey City. He told me to check it out online and let him know if it was my speed. When I told him I’d been many times, he was elated because many of his friends felt it was “too straight.” I explained to him how “straight” I was, and assured him the biergarten was not a problem. He added, “Even if no attraction you are someone I think I can hang out with ;)”
After chatting more, I realized I really liked this guy. He had great energy, and he was a complete gentleman. I was excited to meet him, so, although it was raining, I suggested we grab a drink that day. He had a lot he needed to do, but agreed to meet up later. He conveyed to me on a miserable day such as we were having, he would stay home and cook dinner. He offered to cook me dinner at his apartment, but suggested we grab the drink first to make sure we’re comfortable with each other. I happily agreed.
Later that evening, he picked me up in his car to go to the bar. We weren’t even a block before he turned to me and asked, “So do you feel comfortable with me?” I loved his honesty and candor. It was just my speed.
We arrived at one of my local bars, O’Nieal’s, and each ordered a beer. Over small talk, we both gulped our beers. It was obvious we were attracted to each other, and I thought he was a great guy. He was definitely worthy of making me dinner; especially after learning he also went to culinary school. Over beers, I also learned he is a flight attendant, but is only a few short months away from becoming a pilot for a major airline. I liked his sense of initiative and goals. It was a turn-on.
I paid the tab, and we drove to the liquor store to get beer and wine. On the way, he turned to me and said, “Just to be up-front and honest, I want to tell you I live with my ex-partner. Is that an issue for you?” I told him it wasn’t. If there was something going on there, I doubt he would have brought it up. Once again, his honesty and candor were rather refreshing. At the liquor store, he wouldn’t allow me to purchase anything. “You bought everything for dinner. The least you can do is let me buy the booze!” I insisted. He refused
When we arrived at his apartment, first, I was shocked by how close in proximity we were to my apartment, and second, his apartment was gorgeous. He slipped into something more comfortable and quickly gave me a tour while we talked about his job and his roommates.
We made our way to the kitchen to start on dinner. I love to cook, so I asked if there was anything I could do to help. He told me, “Just sit there and keep me company. I’m really enjoying having you here.” He told me the menu, and I was duly impressed. Fillet mignon, lobster tails, spinach and bacon, grilled onions and caesar salad with dressing made from scratch. I was really enjoying watching someone else who enjoyed themselves so thoroughly in the kitchen. I was happy we both shared a passion for food and cooking. I could watch him cook for hours. I was becoming more and more attracted to him by the second.
The conversation while he cooked was very special as well. I learned a few things about his previous relationship with his roommate and his feelings on monogamy. As I got to know him, I realized there are good gay men out there. He gave me hope. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any better, he walked towards me with a beckoning finger so he could give me a kiss. It was, to say the least, magical. He was a great kisser and the gesture was perfect. I was swooning. Already, this was the best date I’ve ever been on, and we weren’t even half way through it.
After going out to the grill to flip the steaks, he came back in and sat on my lap. We made out a little bit, and I truly learned how good and passionate a kisser he was. I didn’t want to stop.
When he finished making the meal, we took our plates and made our way into the living room to eat. Everything was DELICIOUS, including him. I couldn’t thank him enough. No man ever treated me this way before. It made me realize the potential of a real relationship with a man.
When we finished eating, we moved on to desert. We started making out on the couch and really began to enjoy ourselves. When we were down to our underwear, we took a quick break for him to ask me which position I was. When we discovered our compatibility, we made our way down the hall to his bedroom. He stripped off his briefs as we walked, so I followed suit. He was super sexy, and I was excited to be heading to his bed. I was really into this guy on so many levels.
That night, we had great sex! I was impressed with myself by how easily I made him climax. The chemistry was there both in the bedroom and out. I was head-over-heels for this guy with each passing minute. When we had our fill, we set an alarm for me and fell asleep spooning.
The next morning, when we woke, I was feeling particularly horny and frisky. I wanted to go for a second round, but I don’t think he was on the same page. After a short make-out session, he offered to make coffee and breakfast. He had already done enough. There was no way in hell I was allowing him to make me breakfast, but I would take a cup of coffee. After we cuddled on the couch a bit and he showed me some videos from his flight classes, he drove me home so I could get ready for work. Of course, I went to work late that day, and it was worth every second.
That day at work, we texted a bit. When the time came, I said goodbye and told him to be safe on his flight that evening. I couldn’t wait for his return and the possibility of seeing him again. I wasn’t completely sure where his head was, but it seemed like he was equally excited as I was at the prospect of a second date. This was just what I needed to help me forget about Pillow. Even if I never saw him again, I learned that the type of guy I am looking for really does exist out there. I was just hoping there were more like him our there. Either that, or I really hoped I finally wrangled my unicorn!
Follow @onegayatatimeCloudy with a Chance of Depression
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 12, 2011
After the day on the lake with D, K, and D’s girlfriend, we all decided to go out for Mexican. It seemed this had become my new favorite cuisine considering I had it twice in the days prior on my date with Pillow and the Fire Island bartender. At dinner, I was scolded for being on Grindr. I really tried to limit my time spent on it when I was with friends, but it was a catch 22. If I spent time with them, I was not in a location where I could meet guys. We always went to straight bars. And, I was fine with this. In fact, I preferred it, but my friends would have to be tolerant of my Grindring.
I told D, “Just pretend I walked away from the group to talk to a guy when I’m on Grindr,” because that’s essentially what I’m doing. He suggested I physically walk away, but that was not something I was going to agree to. I asked him to be more understanding. I wish there is an easier way for me to meet men and still spend time with my heterosexual friends, but I have yet to find it.
After dinner and a quick pit-stop at a friend’s apartment to show face at his party, we made our way to the new Hoboken Biergarten. I wasn’t exactly in the most cheerful spirit. That morning, I never got a response from Pillow regarding his attendance to the lake. He didn’t take the time to text or call. I was starting to wonder if he just wasn’t into me. We had a great date the day before, and his texts following acknowledged that. But, I just had a feeling he wasn’t putting as much effort to get to know me as I was putting in to get to know him.
That night at the Biergarten, I noticed he was on Grindr. I’m not exactly sure why I sent him a message, considering he didn’t respond to my text messages, but I did. “Hey stud,” I sent. He responded, “Hi.” After not getting back to me at all, that’s all he had to say? So I said, “Did you go to Musikfest today?” His only response: “Yeah.” Well, that was over. So much for small talk. I said, “Well, have fun.”
After that, I figured I wouldn’t see him again. He obviously wasn’t interested, and it really started to get to me. I had been going on dates for a month and a half since breaking up with N. And, I went on A LOT of dates, almost all of which were failures. I thought this guy had a lot of potential, and I thought we were starting to click. I thought this was finally a success. He was part of an elite group — One of five guys with whom I’d gone on a second date with. Ever. I was feeling really low, and it showed.
A majority of the night, D looked my way and asked me why I was so gloomy. I told him I just wasn’t in a cheerful mood. He said, “I love this group, and I’m having a good time. Snap out of it. We’re having fun!”
I didn’t want to be a “Debbie Downer,” so I figured I’d step away from the table for a bit to try to clear my head. I had a hankering for a cigarette, so I went in search of someone from which I could bum one. I found a Good Samaritan who was willing to part with a cigarette. I relished every puff as a few raindrops fell on my skin. It was working it’s magic and relaxing me. I took the time to people watch. Everywhere I looked, I saw couples. Everything the cigarette gave me was just ripped from me, and I was back to feeling depressed. Dating was really starting to get to me. I’m a catch! Why couldn’t I find a good guy to realize that?
I went back to the table and tried to put on a happy face. I was successful for some time, but I was fading fast. I snuck away again to hunt for another cigarette. After I finished it, I walked home with two of my friends. I explained my issues to them both. They tried to console me, but I don’t think anything short of Bradley Cooper or Matthew McConaughey asking for marriage would have cheered me up.
When I got home, I poked around on Grindr. I found a guy who was two blocks away and looking for a good time. There was one issue — We are both tops. I told him we could just fool around and invited him over. He was an older man in his mid-thirties, but very attractive and had a great body!
We both undressed and had a good time. When we both had our fill, he began to get dressed. He expressed how much he enjoyed himself. He casually mentioned the possibility of a repeat, but we never exchanged numbers, so it would be completely left up to chance. Yet another casual encounter to add to my list.
This was the challenge I faced. I constantly wanted the instant gratification I knew I could conger up on-demand, but I also needed to stop destroying my emotional state following each of those casual encounters with men. It was a delicate balance, but I needed to figure it out so I would stop feeling so awful about my dating life…
Follow @onegayatatimeFire Island Bartender
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 8, 2011
I always get particularly excited when a new guy pops up on Grindr who happens to live in Hoboken. I have pretty much blocked all the gay men in Hoboken, so when a new one pops up, I notice.
One in particular messaged me and was pretty cute. In his pictures, he looked like he had a good body and seemed very nice and genuine. After we chatted a few times, we exchanged numbers and switched things over to texting.
He told me he was a trainer at NYSC, but he was on hiatus while he got a certification. In the meantime, he was working as a bartender on Fire Island. He was gone almost every Thursday through Monday. This made it very hard to find a time to meet up, but eventually we figured it out.
We decided to meet on a Tuesday evening at a Mexican restaurant in Hoboken, Charritos. I had only ever heard good things but had never been. He made a good choice. He spent the day out in the burbs of New Jersey at his friend’s pool, and he was late getting back because of rain and flooding. When he finally showed up in his ripped jeans, finely quaffed hair, tight T-shirt and leather bracelets, I knew this date was doomed from the start.
The night before I was warned about this guy. While talking to N, I learned they knew each other in passing. N had seen him working at the gym and told me he was quite effeminate. I became skeptical but open-minded at that point, but when I met this guy in person, the second he opened his mouth I was turned off. On top of that, I noticed how filled out he was. He was supposed to be a trainer. I would never go to a trainer who was that pudgy and couldn’t follow their own advice.
We sat and had a very nice dinner. We talked about coming out and our families’ reactions to the news. We chatted about work and what we do for fun. The conversation was nice, but there was no spark. He just kept looking at me with this big smile like he wanted to gobble me up. I got the feeling he was a bit lost in the world. He was openly gay, but I’m not sure if he knew how to navigate life with men. I shouldn’t talk, because I have no idea what I’m doing, but he seemed like his GPS was slightly off.
After dinner, he asked if I wanted to grab another drink somewhere. I obliged, but I should have ended the date then and there. I knew better. I clearly wasn’t interested in this guy and had an out to go home, but I felt bad for him. I felt like he needed a friend, so I stuck around. We went around the corner to Sushi Lounge and sat at the bar. We each ordered a round and continued our conversation.
Somehow the topic of the rainbow came up as a symbol for gay culture came up in conversation. I explained just how much I despised the rainbow. He was flabbergasted. He didn’t know how to react. I explained it was not something I embraced. I could understand why some people need a symbol to hold on to, but I was making every attempt to not let my homosexuality separate me from the rest of the world. I am a normal ordinary man who happens to like the company of other men. I don’t need a rainbow to broadcast who I am. On top of that, I find the rainbow aesthetically unpleasing. I could tell I really turned him off by all this, but he wasn’t going to argue.
Then the conversation turned to previous relationships. I told him about the two I had been in and the duration of each. He told me I had a longer relationship than any he’s ever had. When I asked him why, he asked the bartender for another drink. He was a broken gay man. I felt bad for him, but certainly no attraction towards him. I thought maybe I could be his friend.
After we split our tab, I walked him home. Much to my surprise, he invited me up. I have NO idea why I agreed, but I did. We sat on the couch with some wine while we watched one of the music channels. We got into a conversation about Lady Gaga. I told him I found her very inspirational and really got behind her message and what she stood for. He told me he was over her. We obviously were going to but heads, so I was about ready to leave.
At that moment, he took my wine glass, took off my shirt, and started kissing me. He was an awful kisser. All over the place. I did not want to be there making out with him. I did however feel he needed to be kissed. So, I suppose you could call it a pity kiss. After a short while, I told him I needed to go home. I had work the next day, and it was getting late. I said goodnight, and with that I was gone.
I made it as far as the bottom step of his apartment stoop when I realized I left my umbrella in his apartment. There was no way in hell I was coming back to this place to get it, nor did I really want to see him again after that night. So, I rang his apartment. He buzzed me in, and I went back up to get my umbrella. When I walked in the door, he pushed me back into a chair and mounted me. Apparently he wasn’t done. I immediately told him I needed to go. I only came back for the umbrella, not an encore. That’s when I really realized he only wanted me for my body. We didn’t have that great of conversation all night and disagreed a lot. We were obviously not compatible for a relationship, but maybe he was just horny. I was slightly offended and made my way home.
He immediately texted me: “Had a great night with you.” I didn’t respond immediately, but in the morning I texted: “I had a good time too.” After that, I was done with him. I was pleasant, but I didn’t give him hopes of a second date. He would not be a repeat offender. The next day he texted, “How was your day at work?” But, he would not get anything back from me. Once again, it was back to the dating pool…
Follow @onegayatatimeA Southern Gentleman
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 30, 2011
Before I went to OCMD, I was talking to a southern gentleman who found me on Grindr. We hit it off immediately. He seemed like a level-headed guy, and he was 35. After my last failed relationship with a 25 year-old, I decided older was better. San Francisco opened me up to the idea of dating a man of that age, and I had a good feeling about it.
The Southern Gent and I messaged each other a lot on Grindr. We also exchanged pictures. He found me exceptionally sexy, and I found him to be quite attractive. He was no super model, but he certainly took care of himself. We exchanged Facebook information. I looked through all his pictures. They were of him being crazy at a wedding, boating on a lake, safari hunting in Africa, etc. The guy had a picture of a Zebra he took down. I was impressed and swooning a bit.
We tried to figure out a good time to meet, but it always conflicted with his schedule or mine. After a while, he went completely dark. We made plans to meet one Sunday night, but when that weekend came, I got no response to the many text messages and phone calls I made. “I can only assume you lost interest already… Not sure if I did something, but I’ve sent you msgs with no response. Was excited to meet you… If I’m wrong, you know how to reach me.”
An entire week went by, and I heard no word from him. I removed him from my favorites on Grindr so I wouldn’t have to look at him every time I pulled it up. Of course, that’s when he started to message me again. He apologize emphatically for not getting back to me and blamed most of it on getting a new job. I’m definitely one for giving second chances, and I though he would be a great match for me, so I agreed to meet him when I got back from my vacation.
While in Maryland, we texted periodically. We set up a date for the Sunday evening upon my return home. He picked Pier I Cafe on the Upper West Side. I took the bus into the city and hopped in a cab the rest of the way. I made my way down to the Hudson waterfront and saw him immediately. He had a very New England country club look about him. I liked it. He didn’t look like a snob, but he looked like he appreciated the finer things in life.
We both grabbed beers and tried to find somewhere to plop down. There were no tables available, so we found a cement wall to sit on. We got to know each other slowly. We talked about our jobs, our living situations, working out, college, etc. The conversation was flowing quite easily. He is an architect, which is something that has always interested me. I found it sexy. The one hangup I had with him was he turned into a total queen every time he laughed. He was a bit flamboyant. He could have sucked all the air out of the room after every laugh had we been indoors. It was extremely off-putting. I’m sure you’re all judging me as picky at this point, but it was hard to look past. I was starting to get annoyed with these guys who claimed to be masculine. It’s my one real hangup in the gay dating world, and guys self-judge this aspect of their lives VERY poorly. Basically, I’m attracted to dudes who just so happen to be attracted to other dudes as well, not some big ‘mo.
I also started to gauge the level of chemistry between us. It wasn’t exactly at its peak either. We shared a lot in common, but I could tell the attraction wasn’t there on both sides. We both passionately talked about cooking and our specialties. It was an interesting conversation. After a while, I noticed one of my friends. He also noticed me, so on one of his trips to the bar, he swung by to say hi. I introduced him to the Southern Gent and talked to him about how things were going since his marriage in Key West.
Four rounds and one basket of calamari later, it was time to go home. I gave him a small kiss on the lips and said, “We should do this again sometime.” I didn’t have such a good feeling about our chemistry as I did before the date. I was a little disappointed, but I thought maybe I needed to give him a second chance. I would leave that up to him. If he was interested, he would followup the date with a phone call. When the call never came, I knew my suspicions were accurate. I unfriended him on Facebook so I could write about my dates without feeling guilty.
I was disappointed it didn’t work out, but that was based on an assumption I made before I even met him. I would need to not get my hopes up so high before the first date. It would be the downfall of my morale if I let the bad dates and disappointment get to me…
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 