Posts Tagged Mexican
Every morning I woke up happier than the day before. I had an amazing boyfriend who would only make my day brighter. On top of that, I had an amazing new bed. I couldn’t believe the different a solid platform bed made over a standard metal frame. I slept so well, I slept through my alarm. I woke Wednesday morning at 9:00am. I was going to be late for work!
When I got to work, I solidified my plans with CK for the evening. I was planning to run home after work to pack an overnight bag, but after texting with CK, I learned he was planning to spend the night at my place. We would meet at his place before hitting up the show. He was hoping to get home by 7:00. As the day progressed, he informed me he would be lucky if he could leave work by 8:00. I decided not to run home. Instead I hung at the office and write a few blog posts.
When 8:00 hit, he headed home, and I made my way over as well. He was going to hop in the shower, so he told me he’d leave the door unlocked. When I got to the door, it was locked. I buzzed, and he answered in his briefs. I ran and threw my arms around him, and we had a five-minute makeout session. He was a bit sweaty and told me how gross he was. “I smell like balls,” he added. We both fell to the bed in tight embrace and began rolling around the bed.
I was so happy to see him. I had missed him, but seeing him made it seem all the more extreme. I was downright giddy. We playfully rolled around the bed kissing each other all over. CK proceeded to continue to bite me. I told him to stop.
I finally laid down the law a bit. I told him how much it hurts. I explained that nibbling was okay, but the biting was starting to leave black-and-blue marks. He calmed down a bit. He then proceeded to attempt to pin me down so he could playfully put his smelly balls on me. I playfully resisted and protested. Luckily for me, I’m stronger than him. Finally, he made his way to the shower. I sat on the couch reading until he emerged. We fooled around a little more before finally making our way to snag a cab to the Lower East Side.
When we got to the event at the Upright Citizens Brigade, I realized this was something organized through work. It was a packed house. It was difficult to maneuver through the full bar, especially with my work bag and CK’s overnight bag. That’s when he kinda let me have it. He pointed out just how much he hates carrying a bag around. He originally wanted to swing by his place on our way to my apartment. I suggested bringing his bag with him since we’d already be downtown. He also pointed out to me how he wanted to drop his bag off at my apartment when we were walking through the festival that Sunday, but I didn’t make that happen. I offered to carry his bag then, and I offered to trade bags with him at the event since mine was very small and light.
In the end, it was fine. He got over it and thanked me for taking care of his bag while he grabbed us drinks. We were seated shortly, and it wasn’t that much of an inconvenience.
The show was hysterical. I recognized an old coworker in the crowd and someone I went to college with on stage. He was the best of the whole lot. I was very impressed. It was nice to do something fun with CK.
When the show was over, he was ready to head out into the rain. We grabbed Mexican at a restaurant around the corner. It was very good and we have a good time sharing a bunch of tacos and flan. We talked about how we met and how lucky we were to find each other. We also talked about the hot bartender. I noticed him when we arrived but didn’t mention anything. It took CK until we were ordering dessert to notice and pointed it out to me. He was surprised to hear I’d already noticed him.
We hopped in a cab to the PATH and made our way to my apartment. We barely made the train. I didn’t know he needed to buy separate trips for the PATH from the MetroCard, so I quickly scanned my card for him while holding the train doors open so it couldn’t leave.
As we walked to my place, I opened my umbrella, and he asked if he minded if he locked his hand on my arm. Again, I felt slightly uncomfortable, but I needed to force myself to get used to it. This was my life. There’s no changing it. I was curious what made him ask that. Was I that bad at hiding my unease? I told him it was fine. He also wanted to see if he could figure out the way back to my place without help. I was impressed when he pulled it off.
When we got to my apartment, we went straight to my bedroom. It was late, so we both stripped down to briefs and boxers. It was nice to lay in his warm embrace finally. It really made my night. It wasn’t long before we started fooling around. This of course led to sex. “Do you want to f*ck me?” he asked. I expressed me strong desire to, but then he flipped it on me. “Can I f*ck you?” he added. I agreed, and we got it on. (I was very happy to see the bed hold up so well and not make a sound. It truly was a worthwhile investment.)
We both lay there incapacitated for some time before he asked if I wanted to f*ck him. “When I get feeling back in my legs, maybe,” I said. In the back of my mind, I was saving my turn for the morning. I’m always horniest then, and it’d been a while. I knew it would feel amazing.
Instead, we started to watch Revenge. About ten minutes into the show, he was gently snoring. I woke at 4:00am to find the TV and lights still on. I turned them off and tucked us in under the comforters.
Waking in the morning to his smiling face in mine was priceless. We kissed immediately, and I felt amazing. I really liked CK! He was everything I needed in a man. I didn’t have one single complaint about him at that moment. He was spectacular.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. After a lot of cuddling and snoozes, he began blowing me. It felt great, but I was really hoping for penetration. Finally, positions shifted, and I found the great pleasure of being inside him.
The time came to get ready for work. He needed to be there by 9:00 and put me in charge of making sure that happened. He went into the bathroom for some time before he emerged and asked if I wanted to join him in the shower. I obliged his request. Who could turn down such a sexy man with hot water streaming across his body?
We ended up leaving the apartment slightly late. I flagged us a cab to make up for some time, and we managed to catch the PATH just as it was about to embark. I kissed him at Christopher Street station and said goodbye.
When I got to work, I was already missing him. The previous night, he mentioned his disappointment in not being able to be around for my birthday. I told him I understood. His mother was coming into town. I thought it was very sweet of him to be disappointed, especially since I don’t really celebrate my birthday. I sent him a text to let him know I missed him. He responded telling me he missed me too, and he was having a very productive and good morning. I was happy for/proud of him.
I was really falling for him. I even took a moment out of my day to update my status on Facebook to reflect my new status. I couldn’t be certain where things were headed after only a month, but if things continued the way they were going, I certainly was onboard! Maybe I would finally find love.
alarm, amazing boyfriend, bedroom, Birthday, bite, black-and-blue marks, blog posts, Boxers, briefs, Cab, calm down, celebrate, Christopher Street station, Clark Kent, college, comforters, Coming Out, complaint, cuddling, curious, Date, Dating, dessert, disappointment, drinks, Facebook, falling for him, festival, flan, fool around, Friendship, fun, Gay, Gay dating, gay sex, get over it, giddy, gross, happy, Hoboken, holding doors open, home, Homosexual, Hooking Up, horny, hot bartender, hot water, hurt, hysterical, incapacitated, inconvenience, join him, late, lay down the law, love, Lower East Side, makeout, maneuver, MetroCard, Mexican, morning, need in a man, new bed, new status, New York, New York City, nibbling, old coworker, overnight bag, packed house, PATH, Penetration, priceless, productive, protest, proud, relationship, resist, Revenge, Sex, show, shower, smelly balls, smiling face, snoring, solid platform bed, standard metal frame, strip, strip down, stronger, surprise, sweaty, sweet, tacos, thank, umbrella, uncomfortable, understood, unease, Upright Citizen's Brigade, warm embrace, work, work bag, worthwhile investment, write
I had a Friday to myself, and I wasted it on hookups. I could have been doing something productive like going to the gym or grocery shopping, but instead, I spent the day inside trying to line up sex.
There was one man in particular who I’d exchanged messages with on adam4adam.com. He was a well-built guy with a sexy body. He had a nice amount of body hair, great muscles and a spectacular behind. We’d talked about hooking up a few times, but we’d never seemed to line our schedules up. I messaged him, but he didn’t respond.
I continued to search for other guys on the computer when he finally responded. He didn’t read my message until it was too late. We exchanged phone numbers, and he called and told me he had a lot of errands to run before his mother’s birthday the following day. He wasn’t able to see me until later, but suggested we Skype in the meantime. I had nothing to do, so I agreed.
He was even good-looking with bed head on the computer. I couldn’t imagine how sexy he was in person. Seeing him on the computer was just making me hornier, if that’s even possible. I tried so hard to convince him to come by before his errands and do them later. All he needed to do was time-shift his day. He kept telling me the only way it would work is if I came to his apartment. I couldn’t because it was raining, and I don’t ride the motorcycle in the rain. We pushed back and forth for some time to no avail. Of course there was some teasing with body parts on camera while all this was going on. I couldn’t wait to feel his sexy body. Alas, he had to go, so I said goodbye and we made tentative plans for later. I told him when I came by, he’d certainly have to wear his jockstrap for me. He gave me a disclaimer. He was up for almost anything, but he was not up for full penetration the first time meeting me. I was a little disappointed, but understandable.
That’s when I turned to the Mexican guy in the previous post. He was willing to come by right then, and I needed a release. I had immediate regret after that encounter.
Later in the day, my old roommate texted and asked if I was interested in meeting up for happy hour. After being cooped up in my apartment all day, I thought that sounded like a spectacular idea. No one ever invites me out for drinks either. It’s usually me doing the inviting, so it was a special treat. I texted the burly man from my morning Skype session to tell him I’d have to postpone. He called immediately protesting. I told him other things came up, and I wouldn’t be able to come by. He didn’t stop persisting to try to persuade me otherwise. I told him he could have solved the whole thing had he come by earlier in the day.
The clock reached 6:00, and I hadn’t heard from my old roommate. I reached out to burly man to see if he was still available. Indeed he was. I agreed to come to his place a few miles from my apartment. He told me he would be waiting for me in bed wearing nothing but a jock and would leave the door unlocked for me to just walk in.
I drove over there and texted him when I got to his neighborhood. I tried the door, but it was locked. I called him to tell him, and he said his upstairs renter must have left and locked the door behind him. He told me to back away so he could unlock the door. I did as I was told and gave him a minute to get back to his bed.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. I came in, undressed down to my boxer briefs and began kissing his back while pressing my body against his. It was as great as I imagined. His a$$ looked incredible in that jockstrap! I could barely resist him. We had a lot of fun together. There was a lot of groping, heavy petting, kissing, sucking, licking, biting, rubbing, etc. It was great. I was really enjoying the jockstrap as well. I was grinding on his backside, almost penetrating him, but never fully entering him. He really enjoyed it and was pushing me further, but in the end, he stopped himself.
He was begging for me to finish, and he brought me to the edge many times. He started orally pleasuring me. He thoroughly enjoyed this, and it was turning me on since he was enjoying it so much. Eventually, I finished in his mouth and all over my abdomen, and he loved it. He began to use his hand to pleasure himself. I helped by applying pressure to different areas until he finished all over his abdomen. We’d chatted about how each of us shoots on Skype, and it was interesting how different and how similar we were. His description was pretty spot on for what actually happened.
We both just laid there a minute and enjoyed the feeling pulsing through our bodies. I still couldn’t get over how amazing his a$$ was. I wanted to penetrate him so bad, but I knew that would have to wait for another day. He hopped out of bed and handed me a towel to clean up. While I stood there, I met two of his cats. They were very cool. This guy was quite into animals. He had a huge saltwater fish tank as well. He ran to the restroom while I got dressed. I also took the opportunity to snap two pictures. He came back and got dressed as well.
He walked me outside and chatted a bit while he smoked a cigarette. He didn’t live in the best of neighborhoods. An old woman so strung out on something walked by, and he engaged her in conversation for quite some time before finally offering her one of his cigarettes and sending her on her way. He told me about how his mother lived next door and his family’s ties with the city. He was a really nice guy. I could see myself seeing this guy again some time. He told me he was also kinda seeing some guy, but it was very casual and nothing serious. He mentioned the desire to see me again sometime, but we didn’t set up anything concrete.
I sped off on the motorcycle back home to shower and get ready to go out and meet up with friends. The only friend interested in going out was P. We agreed to hit up one of my favorite local spots where I know the owner, and he takes good care of me, Cooper’s Union in Hoboken. We had a relaxing night drinking and sitting at the bar. I told her about how I was getting out of control, and it was then I decided I was going on a Grindr diet. This had gone on far too long. I was realistic enough to know I couldn’t quit it cold turkey, but I also knew it was a great temptation for me. I was going to try to steer clear. I would only go on to see if someone messaged me. I would no longer cast out a net and would no longer have it running on my phone all day. I needed a break. I was addicted, and it was time for me to ween myself off the drug…
a4a, abdomen, adam4adam, adam4adam.com, addicted, animals, backside, bed head, begging, behind, biting, body hair, body parts, boxer briefs, break, burly, butt, camera, casual, cats, cigarette, clean up, cold turkey, Coming Out, computer, conversation, cooped up, Cooper's Union, Date, Dating, description, disappoint, door unlocked, drinking, drug, edge, encounter, errands, finish, Friday, Friendship, Gay, Gay dating, gay sex, good-looking, goodbye, grinding, grindr, Grindr diet, grocery shopping, groping, gym, happy hour, heavy petting, Hoboken, Homosexual, Hooking Up, hookup, horny, in his mouth, in person, jockstrap, kiss, kissing, licking, locked, love, Mexican, mother, motorcycle, muscles, neighborhood, New York, New York City, nice guy, nothing serious, old roommmate, orally pleasuring, out of control, owner, Penetration, persist, persuade, postpone, productive, protest, pulsing, quit, rain, regret, relationship, release, rimming, rubbing, saltwater fish tank, schedules, Sex, sexy body, shower, sitting at the bar, skype, special treat, strung out, sucking, tease, temptation, tentative plans, texting, time-shift, towel, understand, undressed, wait, waste, well-built guy
Another Friday, and I used up yet another carryover vacation day. This one would kick off a staycation lasting over week long. I was beholden to no schedule and no one.
Once again, I woke up horny and turned to my go-to. I fired up Grindr and began to search for someone to satisfy the animal within. When over an hour passed by and had no luck, I turned to my computer. I checked adam4adam.com for any messages. I had a few, but no one seemed to be around for the day. I cast out a net to see what was out there. I began messaging some of the guys who lived in Hoboken and the surrounding area. Some of the guys were online, many were not.
After some time, I got some responses. I exchanged messages with a few guys, but they were all preoccupied or messaging me from work on their phone. This was turning out to be a bust, and I’d already wasted hours doing this. Geez, what was I doing with my life! But, I was still horny. Rather than turn to porn and finish myself off, I continued to search.
Then, out of the blue, a guy, who had messaged me many times before, sent me a message. He was horny and looking for fun. His profile was pretty bare, which is why I’d rejected him so many times before. However, this time I was a bit “desperate.”
I responded to his message and learned he lived close by. We talked about what he was looking for. I learned he was a “hungry bottom.” He was looking for some no-strings-attached action, and I was too. I told him to come by my place.
Half an hour later, he buzzed my apartment. When I answered the door, I was a little shocked. He was much smaller than he looked in the pictures. This is not at all what I was expecting. I don’t mean to sound racist here, only descriptive. He was a tiny little Mexican boy. He told me he was 29, but he looked about 18.
This is where I go wrong. Where I should be able to say, “Sorry. I don’t think I can do this,” I don’t because I feel bad they came all the way to my place. Why is this when the nice side of me decides to show its face?
I tell him to come in and show him to my bedroom. He immediately asks me again, “Are you clean?” I reassure him of my negative and clean status. I was a little relieved by his paranoia – It made for a stronger argument that he himself was clean and afraid of contracting something. At least I knew this guy was safe.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. With that, he undid my pants and began orally pleasuring me. He had a mint in his mouth, and this was certainly a new one for me. Everything tingled. I’m still not sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. I’m also still not sure if he did it on purpose, or if he just happened to be concerned with his fresh breath.
After a short while, he turned around and began to grind his a$$ in my crotch. He asked me to get a condom and lube. He was bent over the foot of my bed while I penetrated him. He thoroughly enjoyed it. He told me to keep going until I finished. “I’m here to serve you,” he added. “I want you to finish inside me.” I wasn’t sure this was a request I could fulfill. I have enough of a problem finishing without the added hindrance of the condom’s desensitizing nature. I alternated between penetration and self stimulation to see if I could manage to finish, but it was no use. Finally, with the right combination, I ripped off the condom and finished all over his back, accidentally hitting him in the back of the head with a shot. He began to spread it around when I told him I would get him a towel. He didn’t seem to mind nor need one, but I insisted on wiping what was left of my DNA off his back. He was going to find it to be an incredibly uncomfortable ride home in the car if I didn’t.
He turned and asked if he could suck on my toes. I’d never had that request live in person before, but I was game. After my toes were thoroughly bathed, while he pleasured himself to no finish, he collected his clothes and got dressed. I saw him to the door, and with that, he was gone.
I felt so disgusting. I didn’t waste one more second before jumping in the shower. Everything I did was safe, but I still felt incredibly dirty. I needed to wash the shame down the drain as well. I found myself asking the question once again, “What the f*ck are you doing!?” I decided then and there I wasn’t going to turn this into a trend over my staycation. I was going to turn things around. This staycation was going to be all about me bettering myself. I was going to eat right, relax, read, tan, go to the gym… No more was I going to call random guys for sex. I needed to move on and stop giving myself excuses.
This was a fine plan. Now I just needed to stick to it!
a4a, action, adam4adam, adam4adam.com, afraid of contracting something, apartment, back, back of his head, bare, bed, bedroom, bent over, bettering myself, bust, buzz, call random guys, carryover vacation days, clean, Coming Out, computer, condom, condom's desensitizing nature, crotch, Date, Dating, descriptive, desperate, disgusting, eat right, enjoy, excuses, fine plan, finish inside him, finish myself off, Friday, Friendship, fun, Gay, Gay dating, gay sex, go to gym, grindr, hindrance, Hoboken, Homosexual, Hooking Up, horny, hungry bottom, incredibly dirty, love, lube, messages, Mexican, mint, mouth, negative and clean status, New York, New York City, nice, not-strings-attached, online, orally pleasuring, paranoia, Penetration, phone, pictures, porn, preoccupied, problem, profile, racist, read, rejected, relationship, relax, relieved, responses, safe, satisfy, self stimulation, serve you, Sex, shocked, shower, smaller, stick to it, stronger argument, suck on my toes, tan, the animal within, tingled, tiny, towel, uncomfortable, undid my pants, wash the shame, wiping, work
It was another day at work and another day on Grindr. I was back to work after my relaxing and fun day off. It’s not easy jumping right back in the grind after a four-day weekend, but I still have to pay the bills.
I decided to pull up Grindr when I went to the gym on my lunch break. I started talking to a few guys, but I was more enamored with some of the hotties live in front of me picking up heavy things. They were very motivating in an “I could look like that” kind of way. Every once in a while I checked to see who messaged.
One of the guys who responded to my message was absolutely jacked. I knew messaging him was a shot in the dark. I never expected a response from him. We chatted a bit before he asked for my picture. I wasn’t able to send it through, so I asked for his cell phone number. I sent him the picture, and he blocked me on Grindr. I was very disappointed, because in the little time we chatted, he seemed like a really nice guy. I texted him and asked if he blocked me. He apologized and said I wasn’t his type. He explained he was really just looking for steroids. I told him I couldn’t help him there. “They are illegal in my country,” he added. I told him they are illegal here as well. This was news to him. I told him if he was looking for them, his best bet was at the gyms.
We chatted a bit more, and I told him he seemed like a really nice guy. He returned the compliment. Since I wasn’t really able to help him with what he needed, and that was really all he was looking for, the conversation ended.
That night, I went home alone. I was okay with that. I’d been having more than my fair share of sex lately. In the meantime there was another man I met on Grindr. This one seemed like a really good guy. We hit it off almost immediately, and a strong connection grew between us. We were both there for the right reasons. Ideally, we each really wanted a boyfriend. We both had our transgressions in the past on Grindr. Part of me was leery about that. Another part of me was quite happy. It meant he wasn’t a wet noodle, like many of the guys from OKCupid.
We made plans to go out Wednesday night after work. When I had finished work I walked his apartment. We didn’t have real concrete plans, but we were going to go out for a drink. He apologized because he was still doing laundry, and he invited me inside until he finished. It would only be a few minutes. He greeted me at the lobby, and we went up to his apartment with a pit stop in the laundry room to pick up his clothes. I was pleasantly surprised how nice is one-bedroom apartment was. I knew he had a good job but I didn’t know it was that good.
Since we didn’t have a game plan, I defaulted to him. We were in his neighborhood after all. We agreed on Mexican and margaritas. Salsa Y Salsa was nearby, and he knew some of the wait staff, so we headed there.
We had a cute table in the middle of the restaurant. It was very crowded for a weeknight. We chatted a bit before deciding on the flavor of margaritas we wanted. It was nice conversation. We got along swimmingly. He was a little flamboyant, but no more than I imagine I really am. It was nice because there were no awkward pauses. We both very much enjoyed our drinks and our meals. We decided to order a few things to share as appetizers and then shared a few bites of our meal choices with each other. It was romantic and comfortable. The more he drank, the more flirty he became. I didn’t have a problem with this, but it was interesting to watch the slow transformation. We had ordered quite a few rounds of drinks before we were both stuffed and ready to head out.
Early in the night he told me he may be having a few people over to watch the premier of Happily Divorced. He wanted to make sure he got home before it aired. He also invited me to join.
When we got the bill, I was shocked to learn we were each only charged for one drink. Chelsea was friends with the Brazilian waiter who served us. Over dinner, I came to learn he had quite a few Brazilian friends. Of course, we left him a very generous tip.
When we got outside, there was an awkward moment of “now what?” I offered to walk him home since we weren’t far from the PATH. When we got to his apartment building, a girl was standing outside smoking. We chatted with her for a few minutes before she went back inside. He paused awkwardly for a minute before finally asking me up to his apartment. His plan of having friends over for the premier went by the wayside.
He was excited for Happily Divorced, so we sat on the couch watching the episode. I decided to hang out for one episode before making my way home. A short bit into the show, I put my arm around him, and he nuzzled in the crook of my arm. It was nice cuddling with him. When a commercial finally came, we kissed — Slow at first, but then passionately. He was a good kisser. I appreciated his skills. When the show ended, we began making out a bit. He pulled me to the bed, and we spooned a bit. He already laid down the ground-rules that there would be no sex until the appropriate time. I was happy with this. He invited me to stay the night, but I graciously declined. I needed to go home before work the next day, and I liked taking things a little slower than I had in the past.
With that, he kiddingly kicked me out so he could go to bed before a crazy workday the following day. I decided to head over to my office three blocks away and take a car home.
It was a good night, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I was looking forward to seeing him again and the possibilities the future may hold.
alone, apartment, apologize, appetizers, appreciate, awkward moment, bed, blocked, boyfriend, Brazilian, cell phone number, chat, Chelseas, clothes, comfortable, Coming Out, commercial, compliment, concrete plans, conversation, couch, country, crook of my arm, cuddle, Date, Dating, day off, decline, dinner, disappointed, drinking, drunk, enamored, episode, flamboyant, Flirty, four-day weekend, Friendship, fun, future, game-plan, Gay, Gay dating, good job, good kisser, goodbye, grindr, ground rules, gym, Happily Divorced, heavy things, hit it off, Hoboken, Homosexual, Hooking Up, hotties, illegal, jacked, kiss, laundry, leery, love, lunch break, making out, margaritas, message, Mexican, motivating, New York, New York City, nuzzle, OKCupid, one bedroom apartment, passionately, PATH, pay the bills, picture, pit stop, pleasantly surprised, possibilities, relationship, relaxing, response, restaurant, right reasons, romantic, Salsa Y Salsa, share, shocked, shot in the dark, skills, smoking, spooning, stay the night, steroids, strong connection, stuffed, transformation, transgressions, type, waiter, weeknight, wet noodle, work
Since ending my slew of hookups, I decided to put full effort behind building up a new roster of guys. This time it would be for meaningful dates, not meaningless sex.
Over the course of a month or so, I corresponded with a guy on adam4adam.com. He seemed like a really nice guy — Almost too nice. But, what the hell? I hadn’t done the nice guy thing yet, so why not give it a shot?
He wasn’t the most attractive guy on the site, but he certainly wasn’t unattractive. I also like him because he seemed eager to meet me. I hit him up and asked if he had time to meet.
We agreed to meet up for drinks and maybe a bite on Friday after work. This was my first non-half-day Friday in two months, so it wasn’t a hassle to schedule something that evening. I wouldn’t need to commute back into the city for the date. He lived on the Upper West Side, so we agreed on a spot at the northern end of Hell’s Kitchen.
I arrived at the bar before him and waited for him to arrive. When he did, we decided the bar was a little packed to be able to hold a conversation. We crossed the street and sat outside a Mexican bar/restaurant.
We ordered chips and guacamole and beers and chatted a bit. I asked him to remind me what he did again. I went into the date very blind. I should have at least looked back over his messages on a4a, but I had a hard enough time scheduling the date in the first place. Maybe I wasn’t putting a full effort into finding a guy this time around after all.
He explained he was working his way towards becoming an anesthesiologist. I was very impressed, but a big red flag popped up in the back of my head. I have never been thrilled with the idea of dating a doctor because they don’t keep regular hours, which makes it difficult to spend time together or plan getaways. I began to ask about his schedule and what he does with his time off.
I was very surprised to hear how much free time he has. He talked about hiking trips not only in upstate New York, but also in other countries. He explained he had mainly regular hours with the occasional outlier.
The conversation started getting more relaxed, and we were really finding common ground. I kinda thought about this guy as a wildcard, but he was really surprising me. There was still something holding me back. I was realizing that I wasn’t truly an equal opportunity dater. I was actually quite shallow. I saw this guy in front of me with a lot of things in common with myself, but I just wasn’t physically attracted to him. He was kinda cute in his own way, but it just wasn’t doing it for me. He was a lot shorter than me as well.
As we chatted, I thought in the back of my head how great he would be as a friend, but that’s a tough transition when you’ve asked someone out on a date. How do you tell them you just want to be their friend? That says, “You’re fun to hang out with, and we can do a lot of things together. But, I just don’t want to sleep with you because I don’t find you attractive.” Not the nicest impression to make on someone.
When we finished our beers and the temperature dropped below a comfortable level to remain sitting outside in short-sleeved shirts, we parted ways. It didn’t end with a hug or a kiss. We simply just said goodbye and went our separate ways. I felt a little guilty, and I wasn’t ready to cut him from the roster, so I sent a followup text: “Very nice meeting you tonight.” He responded with the same sentiments and suggested we find time to meet up again. I agreed. In the end we never communicated again. What is meant to be will be, and what isn’t, won’t.
After saying goodbye to him, I went on with the rest of my night — Another date I was meeting down the street…
a4a, adam4adam, adam4adam.com, anesthesologist, Coming Out, Date, Dating, doctor, drinking, friends, Friendship, Gay, Gay dating, gay sex, Hell's Kitchen, meaningful dates, meaningless sex, Mexican, New York, New York City, nice guy, relationship, texting
After the day on the lake with D, K, and D’s girlfriend, we all decided to go out for Mexican. It seemed this had become my new favorite cuisine considering I had it twice in the days prior on my date with Pillow and the Fire Island bartender. At dinner, I was scolded for being on Grindr. I really tried to limit my time spent on it when I was with friends, but it was a catch 22. If I spent time with them, I was not in a location where I could meet guys. We always went to straight bars. And, I was fine with this. In fact, I preferred it, but my friends would have to be tolerant of my Grindring.
I told D, “Just pretend I walked away from the group to talk to a guy when I’m on Grindr,” because that’s essentially what I’m doing. He suggested I physically walk away, but that was not something I was going to agree to. I asked him to be more understanding. I wish there is an easier way for me to meet men and still spend time with my heterosexual friends, but I have yet to find it.
After dinner and a quick pit-stop at a friend’s apartment to show face at his party, we made our way to the new Hoboken Biergarten. I wasn’t exactly in the most cheerful spirit. That morning, I never got a response from Pillow regarding his attendance to the lake. He didn’t take the time to text or call. I was starting to wonder if he just wasn’t into me. We had a great date the day before, and his texts following acknowledged that. But, I just had a feeling he wasn’t putting as much effort to get to know me as I was putting in to get to know him.
That night at the Biergarten, I noticed he was on Grindr. I’m not exactly sure why I sent him a message, considering he didn’t respond to my text messages, but I did. “Hey stud,” I sent. He responded, “Hi.” After not getting back to me at all, that’s all he had to say? So I said, “Did you go to Musikfest today?” His only response: “Yeah.” Well, that was over. So much for small talk. I said, “Well, have fun.”
After that, I figured I wouldn’t see him again. He obviously wasn’t interested, and it really started to get to me. I had been going on dates for a month and a half since breaking up with N. And, I went on A LOT of dates, almost all of which were failures. I thought this guy had a lot of potential, and I thought we were starting to click. I thought this was finally a success. He was part of an elite group — One of five guys with whom I’d gone on a second date with. Ever. I was feeling really low, and it showed.
A majority of the night, D looked my way and asked me why I was so gloomy. I told him I just wasn’t in a cheerful mood. He said, “I love this group, and I’m having a good time. Snap out of it. We’re having fun!”
I didn’t want to be a “Debbie Downer,” so I figured I’d step away from the table for a bit to try to clear my head. I had a hankering for a cigarette, so I went in search of someone from which I could bum one. I found a Good Samaritan who was willing to part with a cigarette. I relished every puff as a few raindrops fell on my skin. It was working it’s magic and relaxing me. I took the time to people watch. Everywhere I looked, I saw couples. Everything the cigarette gave me was just ripped from me, and I was back to feeling depressed. Dating was really starting to get to me. I’m a catch! Why couldn’t I find a good guy to realize that?
I went back to the table and tried to put on a happy face. I was successful for some time, but I was fading fast. I snuck away again to hunt for another cigarette. After I finished it, I walked home with two of my friends. I explained my issues to them both. They tried to console me, but I don’t think anything short of Bradley Cooper or Matthew McConaughey asking for marriage would have cheered me up.
When I got home, I poked around on Grindr. I found a guy who was two blocks away and looking for a good time. There was one issue — We are both tops. I told him we could just fool around and invited him over. He was an older man in his mid-thirties, but very attractive and had a great body!
We both undressed and had a good time. When we both had our fill, he began to get dressed. He expressed how much he enjoyed himself. He casually mentioned the possibility of a repeat, but we never exchanged numbers, so it would be completely left up to chance. Yet another casual encounter to add to my list.
This was the challenge I faced. I constantly wanted the instant gratification I knew I could conger up on-demand, but I also needed to stop destroying my emotional state following each of those casual encounters with men. It was a delicate balance, but I needed to figure it out so I would stop feeling so awful about my dating life…
balance, Bradley Cooper, casual encouter, catch, Coming Out, Date, Dating, Debbie Downer, depressed, drinking, Friendship, Gay, gay bars, Gay dating, gay sex, good guy, grindr, Grindring, guilt, heterosexual friends, Hoboken, Homosexual, Hooking Up, instant gratification, lake, love, Matthew McConaughey, Mexican, Musikfest, New York, New York City, relationship, scolding, Sex, straight bars, texting, water skiing
After meeting the police officer and the southern gentleman, I was on a roll. I was getting through my roster of men with ease. Monday was no different — I scheduled in a new one, “Harvard.”
I picked him up on Grindr one late night in the city. He was a very attractive lawyer who seemed pretty normal and very masculine. He went to the gym a lot, so his body was tight, and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. We exchanged numbers shortly after we began talking on Grindr. I texted him a few times while on vacation with my family to make sure he was still thinking about me periodically while I was gone. He was another guy I thought had a lot of promise.
The night before, while waiting for the bus to meet the southern gent, I called Harvard. He picked up, and we chatted a bit. I told him about my vacation and he told me how similar his family is. He had a trip coming up in a few months and felt the same way about it that I did about mine. It was easy to talk to him. He sounded great too. No flamboyance at least. I was looking forward to meeting him in person. I thought to myself, “Maybe a phone call should be a new part of the screening process before the first date. I could eliminate a few bad apples this way.”
On the walk home from my date with the souther gent, we texted each other. He managed to slip in a comment about how much he liked my body. I certainly appreciated the compliment and threw one right back in his direction.
We scheduled a date that Monday evening at Blockheads, and outdoor Mexican restaurant. This would be my third date in two days — I was speed dating over the course of a few days. I arrived early, so I put our name down and sat to read Chelsea Handler’s My Horizontal Life until he arrived. (She’s part of what inspired me to write this blog, so I thought I should at least read her books).
When he arrived, we were seated immediately. We had a nice table for two on the rim of the crowd. A few birds flew around our feet, and he started to freak out. I get weirded out when pigeons do it, but these were tiny little birds, not the flying rats I want to punt every time I see them. Now, I’m not judging, but it was a bit excessive. He freaked out and told me how much birds skeeve him out, but I was still a little weirded out by how much it bothered him.
I started to size him up. He looked like his pictures and he filled out his polo very nicely. Great arms and a great chest. I could tell he was a regular athlete who hit up the gym. This is important to me since I am so active. I need someone who can keep up with me.
We started on the small talk. We chatted about college, family, vacation, where we grew up, what we did for fun. It was almost as if he was reading from an interview script. The conversation was alright, but it certainly wasn’t relaxed. I was a little turned off because everything he said had a slight air of superiority to it. He was trying too hard to impress me, and if there’s one thing that turns me off with people, it’s that. He even wore his pretentious college ring. He was a nice guy, but I couldn’t take the high brow attitude.
In between all this, the waiter came by to take our drink orders and then our dinner orders. Every time he came by, Harvard started flirting with him. It was obvious this guy was a ‘mo, but he wasn’t even attractive. The waiter is supposed to flirt with you for a good tip, not the other way around.
We both enjoyed our meal and continued the “interview” while we ate. He told me about his “type.” I fit the mold perfectly as far as physical looks went, but I have a feeling he was looking for a younger or more subservient guy. We would butt heads, and I think he was looking for a guy he could rule over.
When the date ended, we hugged goodbye. We didn’t even talk about follow-up. We both knew there were no fireworks there. On my walk home, I texted him, “It was nice to meet you.” He responded, “likewise.” After that, it was simply on to the next guy on the list…
bad date, birds, Blockheads, Chelsea Handler, college, college ring, Coming Out, Date, Dating, dinner, flamboyance, flirting with the waiter, Friendship, Gay, Gay dating, gay sex, grindr, Harvard, Homosexual, lawyer, margaritas, Mexican, My Horizontal Life, New York, New York City, phone call, pretentious, relationship, Sex, sexy man, speed dating, subservient, texting