Posts Tagged cheating
You Were on Oprah!?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 21, 2011
Sometimes someone comes into your life and just simply blows you away. You have no idea where they came from, and you have no idea why they are talking to you. They are simply amazing, and you feel you don’t deserve a minute of their time.
On a random Monday night, while watching Labyrinth with my roommate, I was poking around on Grindr. I came across a good looking torso so I messaged him my standard message, “Hey stud.” I don’t know why, but that line always seems to work. I think men can’t resist being called stud. I know I would be highly flattered if someone said it to me.
We began chatting. He was a really nice guy and quite a gentleman. I learned he lived not far from me in Jersey City. We started flirting a bit and swapped a few picrtures. I told him why I was on Grindr: I am looking to meet guys and see where things go. I told him about my sordid dating life, and what I was really looking for in a man. He told me I seemed like a really great guy and asked why I was still single. I told him I was hunting for my unicorn, a monogamous man who acted like a man and was willing to give me as much as I was willing to give him. I then turned the question on him. He said, “I never said I was single.”
This is the part of the conversation when my heart sinks. Every time someone says something like this to me, a little piece inside of me dies. There have to be guys out there who are happy with their relationships and aren’t involved in extra-curricular activities outside their relationship.
I asked him to elaborate. (I apologize if this gets vague, but I am doing so to protect this man’s identity… He is somewhat of a public figure as you will come to learn) He explained his partner is a performer who continued to work beyond the typical age of retirement in his field. Because of this, his partner has to take a lot of medication, and he thinks it has severely effected his libido. As a result, after seven years together, they haven’t had sex in a year and a half. On top of that, he travels the world for months at a time (he was gone for 5 months when we started chatting). My heart went out to him on this one. That is a long time. But, I still don’t see that as an excuse to sneak around and find sex outside the relationship.
Every time he asked for sex, his partner was always too tired or not feeling well. A year and a half of that is unacceptable. They needed to talk about it with each other, even if it was something his partner wasn’t interested talking about. He rationalized being on Grindr by saying he needed to feel sexy, so why couldn’t he flirt a bit. We had a very adult conversation about the whole situation. I told him he needed to force his partner to address their problems. Relationships are about two peoples’ happiness. If he wasn’t getting everything he needed in the relationship, he needed to speak up more forcefully. Basically, I talked him out of doing anything he would regret down the road. I never want to be something someone regrets. No one wants that negative energy associated with himself.
He replied, “Okay. Sorry for the pictures! Just friends!” I needed friends just as much, if not more than I need a lover. I was excited by the prospect because this man seemed to lead an exciting life. He was an amazing man who had a weak moment. I told him not to worry about the pictures and made sure to reiterate I thought he was a very sexy man. He loved his partner, and it was apparent. From then on, we had a friendly conversation to get to know each other. I could tell we both have very curious minds. I wanted to hear all about him and his life’s adventures.
In high school, he moved to another country for some time and was a cowboy. After that he went to college in the states. Following, he made an extended trip to a remote part of India and fell in love with the culture. When he came back to the states, he came upon a windfall amassing him a very large sum of money. Instead of squandering it, he put it to good use and started a charitable organization.
The man is basically Indiana Jones. I almost didn’t believe his story, but then discovered someone made a movie about his life. But the coup de gras was when I found out he was on Oprah. Not that she is the end all and be all, but she added legitimacy to his story no one else could equal. I was honored a man of this caliber was interested in being my friend.
We talked about the celebrities he’s worked with and the good he’s done in the world. In the back of my mind, all I could think about was the medium in which I met this amazing man. To anyone who says Grindr is simply a hookup, I feel you are sorely mistaken. Grindr is what you make it. It is simply the medium for communication. You choose the messages you send.
After I finished watching the movie, I called him on the phone to chat more. I was purely fascinated. Before hanging up, I made plans with him to grab a drink the following night. He agreed to come to Hoboken, as he had to travel to Edgewater to meet a friend. We would find a nice quiet bar to grab a glass of wine and chat. I was elated. The following night, I texted him to confirm our plans, but those plans would have to change…
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Unhappy Ending
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 19, 2011
I woke Sunday morning and decided my time with Mr. Grindr was over. N was still trying to get with him, and that was a whole lot of drama I didn’t want to get into. I was disgusted by the whole thing. It reminded me constantly of the time I cheated on N just for the sake of evening a score. It reminded me of how much less of a man I was. I didn’t need it. Plenty of other fish in the sea. I think I kept him on the roster for so long as I did because I felt guilty for dragging him into the middle of N and I.
Since no one was in town, I did what I could to clear my head. I don’t do well alone. When I’m alone, I have nothing to distract me. I star to crawl up into my own head, and I don’t like what I find. I get depressed. I know this isn’t healthy, but denial is a wonderful thing! I decided to head down to the pier in Hoboken with a few magazines and my notebook to catch up on my blogging.
Of course, I couldn’t leave the house without my matchmaker, Grindr. And once again, I found myself spending more time searching and less time writing. I managed to reconnect with a guy I had been chatting with on an earlier day. He was a sexy black man from Jersey City. I have nothing against black men, but they’re not usually my type. However, I don’t discriminate, so I convinced him to come to the pier and hang out with me.
I had been in the sun a majority of the day and was enjoying myself. I sat and people watched and read Men’s Health and Details. He showed up a few hours later. We shook hands, and he sat next to me. We started with small talk, but as the day progressed, the conversation developed more substance. We shared a great deal in common. He looked like quite the athlete as well. He had nice arms and great legs. He kept his shirt on while we sat in the sun. I found this slightly odd, but to each his own. I just wanted to see what was under the shirt.
When I couldn’t take any more of the sun, I asked if he wanted to grab a drink. I was enjoying his company a lot. He seemed like a great guy. We packed up my blanket and other things and walked to nearby Trinity to sit by the waterfront and have a few cocktails. I hadn’t had lunch, so I ordered a large salad. We both got drinks outside our usual comfort zones and shared with each other. It was nice. We were having a good time. Eventually, he ordered some food as well.
I was pleasantly surprised. This was a completely last-minute unplanned date, and it was turning out to be quite good. I was also finding myself more and more attracted to him. He had an amazingly infectious smile.
After a few round of drinks, we took a walk along the waterfront. I hit a bit of a snag in keeping the date going. It was starting to get late, so I wanted to head back to my apartment, but I also wanted him to join me. But, I had my motorcycle and only one helmet. When we arrived at my bike, I explained the predicament and invited him to come back. I would have to ride home, and walk and meet him half way to my apartment. He agreed, so I sped off.
When we got to the apartment, I opened a bottle of wine, and we went out to the balcony to relax and keep the dialogue going. When 11:00 rolled around, he was ready to head home. I invited him to stay. He knew I was no longer interested in simple hookups. I made that clear early on, so he questioned my logic. I told him, “After spending the day with you, I feel comfortable and would like you to stay.” He graciously agreed, and we started making out on the balcony. After some time passed, I grabbed his hand and brought him back to my room.
The clothes came off, and that’s when I got a bomb dropped on me. All of a sudden, I knew why the shirt stayed on at the pier. While his legs and arms were quite toned and muscular, his mid section was very flabby. It was almost as if he had lap band surgery and hadn’t completed the skin restructuring. When I grabbed for his ass, it felt like a Ziploc of water. There was absolutely no muscle definition there. He wasn’t kidding when he told me he was a mathlete in high school, and not the football player I pictured him to be.
I’m sure I’m coming across very shallow at this point, but sexual attraction is 40% of a relationship for me. This was 40% I couldn’t get over. I can be very forgiving about a lot of things on a guy, but this was tough. I had been with a guy before who had this issue, but it was very slight. I looked past it. Tonight, I could, but this guy would not be back for seconds. I liked him a lot, but I was no longer sexually attracted to him. We still fooled around, and he spent the night with me, but I couldn’t picture myself repeating the night.
In the morning, we woke and got dressed. I explained how he could get to the light rail to head home. We kissed and he invited me to hang out again. He said I could come hang at his pool sometime. I appreciated this. He really was a nice guy. I could easily see us being friends, but we certainly would not be romantically involved. I gave him a kiss goodbye, and with that, he walked out the door.
Follow @onegayatatimeDéjà vu
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 17, 2011
Thursday night, after my usual volleyball game, I grabbed my roommates and took them to my favorite local watering hole. It was going to be the perfect drama-free night I needed. We were gonna have fun! I invited N, but he had plans to go to dinner with friends and said he had to be at work at 6am.
However, we arrived at the bar only to find it DEAD. No one was out. We didn’t let that get us down. I took the opportunity to introduce the new roommates to all the bartenders, bouncers and even the manager. I went to this bar every weekend, and they treated me like family. I wanted my roommates to be shown the same love. The bartenders poured us drinks all night, and we all got properly drunk. We were also dancing up a storm with the five other people in the bar.
All night long, I was getting texts from Mr. Grindr. He was out and wanted to know what I was up to. Turned out, he was at the bar next door. I told him to come by, but he didn’t. When it was about closing time, I told him to come over to my apartment. He was a little weirded out because I was walking with my roommates, but I told him they were cool. He met us when we were halfway to the apartment. I hung back from the roommates and chatted him up on the walk home. He wanted to know why I wasn’t calling to hang out. I said the same thing back to him. If he wanted to hang out, he could just as easily pick up the phone and call me. I wasn’t all that thrilled about hanging out with him, but I wasn’t opposed to exploring the benefits of being friends.
When we got back to my room, of course the conversation started to revolve around N because he was texting him once again while he laid in my bed. For some reason, Mr. Grindr felt the need to show me some of the texts N was sending. One jumped at me. It said “baby boy” in it. Another little piece of my heart broke at that moment because that was something N called me all the time. I thought it was a term of affection he used towards me, but apparently it also went for guys he was trying to have sex with. Looks like I was simply one of those guys after all. When Mr. Grindr didn’t respond to the texts, N responded, “Well. Have fun with whoever you’re with.” Mr. Grindr suggested a threesome at this point. “If you think that’s happening, you’re nuts!” I responded.
Mr. Grindr told me he felt weird again because he had been talking to N before he even met me. Once again, I imagined they would have hooked up sooner if both weren’t in the closet to their roommates.
We started hooking up and things got hot. We had sex multiple times that night. At one point, he tried to insert himself with great force without any preparation. I’m not a fan of being a bottom to begin with, but this was unbearable. I nearly flung him off the bed and ran into the bathroom to make sure I was alright. That certainly was not going to happen again. I decided right then and there, that was going to be a prize possession only a special few would receive in the future.
In between sessions, we had a conversation about him staying or leaving for the night. We also somehow got on the topic of his parents being in the middle of a divorce and the issues it was bringing up for him. He was drunk, but the conversation was getting heavy beyond my comfort zone. He also mentioned something to the effect of him wanting to invite me to his brother’s wedding in the coming week. I quickly changed the subject because that was NOT going to happen, and I had no idea where that came from. We ended up both falling asleep and him spending the night. He certainly liked to cuddle and spoon. The next morning, he woke up and had to rush home to get ready for work. I texted him after he left, mentioning us grabbing a drink a the bar sometime, and he agreed. This was the last time I saw him, and I don’t plan to see him again. He carried a lot of baggage I didn’t want to get into.
I hopped on Grindr to see who messaged me overnight. I noticed N was signed on and only a few feet away. So much for being at work at 6am. He didn’t owe me an explanation, but he was starting to really show the pattern of a pathological liar. I don’t know why he even felt the need to lie. He could have said, “I don’t feel like going to the bar tonight, but thanks.” I would still try to be his good friend, but trust would always be an issue between us.
Ironically, I found solace through this whole breakup in a Beyoncé song. I found the lyrics exceptionally poignant. If you’ve gone through a recent breakup, I highly suggest listening to it.
The next day I felt myself feeling empty from my recreational sex. I spent 26 years masturbating. It was nice to have sex on demand, but it was emotionless and empty. I didn’t like who I was becoming. I needed to change. I decided then and there I wanted to find a boyfriend, and I needed to stop trying to fill the void in my life with meaningless sex.
That weekend, many of my friends went away. N went down to the Jersey Shore, and I was jealous. I was unhappy and lonely. I needed to learn how to be alone again. That night, I went to bed and had many dreams about men and Grindr. This proved it was consuming my life. I needed to cut back, or I would become one of the gay men I despise so much…
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 16, 2011
After all the drama between N and NC, I still hadn’t heard the end of it. These two really knew how to get under each other’s skin after one awkward hookup. I think it’s because they pretty much are the same person. I didn’t quite get it. But I also had nothing to do with it, so I didn’t need to get into it.
“I’m extremely p*ssed off at that prissy prick,” N typed to me. I told him he shouldn’t let it get to him. It’s over. He’s just one person. “I can’t stand him!” he replied. I tried to console him by telling him, “Well luckily you don’t have to deal with him anymore… You blocked him and he’s in another state.”
We changed the subject to talk about the night before. He asked how yoga was. I explained that yoga was cancelled, so I went out for the night. “Where’d you go? Get sh*t-faced? A date ?!?!?” he asked. I told him I just stayed in Hoboken, and I was trying to curb my drinking. “Gonna ignore the date question?” he replied. Quite frankly, I was ignoring the date question. It was none of his business. I recognized our situation and the heightened sensitivity, so I didn’t feel the need to get into it with him. Why did he need to know so badly if I was on a date. So I decided I was going to test the waters. I wasn’t on a date at all. I went to the movies with my good friend D. But, there was no reason I couldn’t insinuate a date. I wasn’t lying. I wanted to know where N’s head was at.
“Sorry… Didn’t see the question. I dunno what you’d call it,” I said, playing dumb. Then he decided to dig deeper: “Did you guys go out or did you go over his house?When I got home and turned my phone on I saw you were on Grindr. You were a # of ft. farther than your house.” Wow! Was he stalking me now? I know I did the same thing before, but I never let him know that until we broke up, and I used it as information to get him to tell me the truth about what he was doing and where he was going when we were still dating. “Are you Grindr stalking me?” I asked.
“R E L A X,” he answered. Trying to keep things light, I said, “Hahahah. That was said with a smile.” I have to admit, I was having a little fun here. We were broken up a week now, and I was enjoying witnessing him go through some of the same crap I went through weeks earlier. “When I’m home, you’re usually the first/second guy to show up from my favorites,” he said, trying to make an excuse for himself. I told him I didn’t go to his house, and I didn’t meet him on Grindr. I didn’t really appreciate all the comments he was making about me on Grindr lately, however. I know his sarcastic style, but he should have known how they would be received in our relationship’s climate. “You’re starting to make me sound like I’m a Grindr whore…” I stated.
Then he got defensive and said he never assumed we met on Grindr or went to his house. This is where the conversation started going downhill fast.
Me: But you asked if I went to his house…
N: So? You’re the one that told me you went to someone’s house the last face to face we had, so I asked.
Me: Haha. That wasn’t the last face to face we had. And I never said I went to someone’s house. And, if I recall you told me you went to someone’s house in the same conversation. Wait… Sorry. That was catty. Please ignore that. That has no relevance in this convo. Sorry.
N: Yeah, you can eventually be a catty c*nt when we’re further away from what we just went through and better best friends, but now — calm down the CCness. But don’t apologize.
Me: I don’t ever want to be a catty c*nt. Not who I am. I really didn’t mean that. I don’t know why I even brought it up. Just seems like you were asking a lot of ?s. So anyway… How was your last night?
Once again, I found myself trying to change the subject to something more neutral. It was frustrating we had to go through this every time we talked. I hoped desperately things would change, and we would get to a civil place. I wanted to be his friend. I liked his company and enjoyed spending time with him. He was a great guy to be around. But, he did a lot of sh*t to hurt me, and I would need to learn not to resent him if this was going to work. Hopefully, with time, it would.
He brought the conversation back to my night out: “So tell me about this guy… If we’re going to be friends…” I really didn’t want to tell him about it, even if I really did have a date. I said, “We’ll get there… We’re not there yet. Sorry.”
I asked him how his day was going, and he complained about his boss. “Other than that, a guy at the gym freaked me out by walking into my shower and me going to the front desk in a towel about it…” he said.
WHAT!? This could only happen to N. I never heard such stories from someone about the gym, especially in Hoboken. Was I that naive to the gay world. Was all this crap happening right under my nose? Or was this not the norm and something that happened only to people who provoked such behavior. I asked if he ever interacted with the guy before? “Maybe I looked at him while working out once? He was older and Spanish,” he responded. It was completely creepy. I’m learning more every day how often this sort of behavior happens, but it is still a complete turnoff for me. It made me quite glad I don’t make eye-contact at the gym and have never witnessed any behavior like that. “Your stories have made me never want to go to the downtown Hoboken gym again! I exclaimed. “I’d feel dirty just walking in the door.”
I told him I don’t quite get it. He didn’t really have a “gay air” about him, and it’s not that he wasn’t attractive. But still, how do they know he’s not straight and going to turn around and deck them. I feel I’m at least fairly attractive, and no one ever acted this way towards me. His response: “I guess I look at guys? Maybe he’s seen me on Grindr?”
At this point we both went to lunch, but later in the day, I got another message from him. “Thanks you tall ass bro you. Going on dates with boys…. Psssshaaa. LOL. JK. I’m being silly because I’m in a food coma.” REALLY!? Are we still really not over me going out with one guy. At least I knew where things stood, even if there never was a date to begin with. He was fired up for some reason, but he wasn’t explaining why. And then he did.
He typed, “Btw. I’m gonna send you a picture, and I don’t want you to respond to it. I just want you to know that I took offense to it. I’m not judging you or holding it against you.” Just then he sent me a passage from my blog. “Sorry I couldn’t do it for you, and you had to resort to your spank bank. And our sexual chemistry? Are you kidding me? I don’t want to talk about it. I’m over it.” He was insulted because I said we didn’t have a perfect sex-life.
I reminded him this was something we discussed earlier and suggested we discuss it again because he was reading it out of context. I said, “Things weren’t always perfect… We were 2 tops… Not easy for either of us to ‘take’ for example.” He interrupted me and asked that we not talk about it, but I wasn’t on board with that. He didn’t get to say his piece to me and then drop it. He had to let me explain. I told him it wasn’t fair. He jumped in and said, “Um…. What’s not fair is referring to our intimate relationship for all the world to read, regardless of not disclosing any personal name information.” I reminded him of our earlier conversation about this and how he didn’t care if I continued to write the blog. “At the time I said that I didn’t think you and I were going to be in the position we are now. Fine, continue,” he said.
I began again: “It takes time to build sexual chemistry. We were learning what turned each other on. We were exploring. The sex was good.” He asked me to try to explain the context of resorting to my “spank bank” to get me over my “final hump,” why we didn’t have “amazing sexual chemistry,” and how I thought he “felt the same way.” “All the while no less than one paragraph right before you go on to explain one of the best Os of my life,” he added.
I began once again, “Ok. The spank bank… We talked about this. You talked about thinking about the best porn that turned me on when we were hooking up. That’s what I was doing. When I was with you I was always there. Always in the moment. Did I have to think about how hot it would be if we hooked up in a locker room shower like I had seen in a porno sometimes? Yes. Yes I did. I don’t want you to think I wasn’t enjoying having sex with you. To be honest, if it wasn’t good, we prob wouldn’t have been having it nearly as often.”
He interrupted, “Well, I’ll tell you that’s the way you come off. And, I don’t really want to think about it anymore.”
I told him, “You’re taking offense to it, when it’s just the reality of beginning to have sex with a new person. You have to learn from each other and find what makes the other guy go crazy. That is all I meant by that comment. If I didn’t like having sex with you, do you think I would have tried to drag you to my room last week? That’s all I’m going to say about it… I just wanted you to let me explain.” He responded, “Thank you for explaining. This topic is closed from my perspective now.”
We talked some more, and I tossed out the idea of going out to dinner some night, just as friends. He responded well and said that would definitely be something he’d be interested in.
Of course, he didn’t bring my clothes over that night once again. Also, that night it was my turn to stalk him on Grindr. He wasn’t home like he said he was going to be. Later, I found out he went to dinner with a friend. He probably did something with his “friend” since he didn’t seem to come home according to Grindr, but that was no longer any of my concern. And it didn’t bother me one bit (other than I wanted my clothes back).
And me. What was I doing? For the first time in months, I went back on manroulette. I felt pathetic. How did I resolve myself to that site for so long. That would probably be the last time I visited the site, if even just for the sake of my ego.
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 12, 2011
On the Monday, following my trip to the Jersey Shore, I didn’t want much to do with N. I embarrassed myself the previous week by getting obliterated and trying to drag him to my room days after we broke up. And then, while in Belmar, we managed to create a situation once again. It was too much drama. I remembered the days I carried no drama. Those certainly were the days. I needed to find a way back to my drama-free days.
The night before, N texted me. I didn’t feel the need to respond, considering he wasn’t responding to me when I was asking him about coming to the beach. But come Monday morning, sure enough, I got a gChat message from him: “Morning. Did you ignore my texts on purpose.” Of course I did, but I wasn’t about to open up that door. I told him I was busy the night before. He responded, “It’s ok. I was worried you were very mad at me for Sat night.” Of course, I was over Saturday night. I cursed him out for it, we talked about it, and I moved on. I was still annoyed he never got back to me about the beach. “How come you never came to the beach?” He told me it was because his roommate didn’t get back until 2:00, so he hopped on the 3:30 train. “I didn’t feel like staying. I was tired,” he said. “And then you went dark,” I responded. Of course he couldn’t extend the common courtesy of telling me this information the day of.
Then he took the conversation where I didn’t think it was going to go. “Busy as in boy busy?!?!?” Where did he get off? There was no way he was asking out of the goodness of his heart because he wanted to ensure my happiness. And, of course I wasn’t about to tell him about my date, especially since it was a bad one. I didn’t need to open up that can of worms. So, I lied: “And no, I wasn’t boy busy… I was unpacking and repacking and getting ready for work. And, I was doing laundry and talking with my roommate.”
I tried to change the subject as fast as possible. “And I’m sorry again for the ‘f*ck you.’ ” He responded, “Don’t be. It’s not your fault I acted like a scum bag and did one or two things I shouldn’t have.” It was nice to hear him take responsibility for his actions. This was a definitive change. Maybe we could be friends after all.
Then I mentioned to him that NC noticed he deleted him on Facebook and blocked him on gChat. “Good for him. I could care less,” was his response. I apologized and told him not to shoot the messenger. I never should have gotten involved. I have no idea why I did. Then he went on to insult NC on a very low level. I understand he was angry, but he was delivering some low blows all over a few discrepancies in a hookup story.
Then, N said, “You should go ahead and let him know why.” I told him I wasn’t getting in the middle of it. That was a lie. I already got myself in the middle, but at this point I wanted out. More drama I did not need in my life. “I shouldnt have brought it up! I’m sorry.”
I tried to change the subject once again. This time to his roommate and the reason she came home so late. I also had a friend I wanted to set her up with. We talked about it a bit and finally found a topic of conversation to have a civil conversation.
Just when I thought we were finally moving forward. Finally moving on. Finally going to be friends, N went and ruined any progress we made. Tuesday I woke up to the text, “Morning! Sorry to interrupt your grinding this morning, lol, but I was thinking about something last night.” I happened to leave my Grindr on overnight. I do this periodically to cast out the net to see what I catch by the morning. I hadn’t even checked Grindr yet. “I just got out of the shower. What’s up?” I replied. I didn’t appreciate what he was insinuating, but I let it slide.
I wasn’t expecting what came next. “Our pictures and video together… LOL We’re making sure those are secure, right?” he asked. One night when we were hooking up, N turned on the camera on my computer. I explained to him that the video never saved and there was only one picture. I deleted it. “After I posted and tagged it on Facebook, of course,” I joked.
We were done with that line of conversation, so I decided to check my Grindr messages. I text N back telling him he has a doppelganger on grindr. “Who? Send me the link. I’ll be online in 5.” When I got to work, he was asking me all about his doppelganger. I described him, “He’s near Hoboken. Name is M. He’s 21 so he looks like your little brother.”
Over lunch, I went to the gym. As I was coming back out to the street, I saw a text from N: “Is this M?” He sent me a screengrab of a man’s chest. N is latino. I laughed and responded, “Nope! That looks nothing like you. He’s a white dude. M has a face pic and is 21.”
Then he made another comment referencing myself and Grindr. “Oh, I didn’t know you were that versed in the men on Grindr. Guess you’ve spoken with him before.” This time I wasn’t going to let it slide. Not two days in a row. This isn’t the kind of friendship I was seeking. He wasn’t going to undercut me and I would just sit by and take it. “Don’t be an as$hole!” Apparently he didn’t think he said anything out of line because his response was, “Uggghhmmmmmm, okay. LOL.”
I went off: “Not that I need to explain myself to you, but I’ve never spoken to him. He popped up on my screen last night, and I thought it was funny that he looked like you… that’s all.” And then he made it worse by insinuating I was overreacting. And maybe I was a little bit, but he had to know this was a sensitive time. We were just beginning to navigate a new friendship. “Wow! Sorry I said anything!”
I needed to defend myself. “Your comment had a lot of undertones I don’t appreciate.” He retorted, “My comment was a joke. I’m sarcastic. You know this. Sorry I said anything about it to you.” I wasn’t going to let him act like I was the one out of line. Again, the drama was starting, and I wanted no part of it! “It’s fine,” I responded.
If this was the type of friendship N wanted, then I wasn’t on-board. I didn’t need him in my life if all he was going to do was cause me headaches. I really had a good time hanging out with him when we were dating, but he’d need to learn how to be a real friend if this was going to work. None of my other friends treated me htis way, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him.
Follow @onegayatatimeCrumbling Down
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 9, 2011
I woke the next day early. The night before I got in a blowup with my sister and K over the sleeping arrangements. I was sure there would still be some lingering resentment in the morning, but I was on a drama free weekend. I wasn’t going to let it bother me. I would stick with D and his girlfriend, two of the most drama-free people I know.
We all decided to get breakfast burritos and hit the beach. This may have been a good idea to prevent a hangover after a night of heavy drinking, but probably not a good idea before heading to the beach for the day. I will just leave it at that.
While I laid on the beach, I started getting texts from N. He was heading to the shore that day as well, but would be staying with his roommate, who I partied with the night before, in Manasquan.
I don’t know why I did this to myself, but I was telling him all our plans for the night and encouraging him to meet up with us. I’m a masochist, what can I say?
After the beach, my group went out for dinner. We had a really nice time eating and chatting at Parker House. After dinner, we went downstairs for libations and music. We danced a bit and played a fair amount of shuffleboard. When we found ourselves bored with the crowd, we decided to move on. This is when the group dynamic started to stretch. My sister wanted to stay, but the rest were ready to move along. We had plans to go to Bar A for our friend’s birthday.
Once at Bar A, D and his girlfriend got in a fight, and the camp became seriously divided. The girls went to one end of the bar, and the men were on the other. D was pouting, but my other friend and I were not ready for our night to end in drama. We tried to encourage D to come with us to another bar, but he wasn’t going to leave his girlfriend, even if she wouldn’t talk to him. After many attempts, my other friend and I left for D’Jais.
Part of the reason I wanted to go there was because I had so much fun the night before, but I think a bigger part was because I knew N was there. I had it in my head I would say a friendly hello, but then somewhat ignore him most of the night. I would dance with lots of other people and show him that we could be friends, but I was finally able to move on (after trying to drag him to my bed 2 nights before. STUPID!)
I didn’t want to announce my presence ahead of time. I knew it would be a madhouse, but I would find them eventually. When we arrived, I went to the spot we were the night before with his roommate, and sure enough they were there. I started brushing shoulders with N without him fully noticing me until I made it very obvious I was there.
I got the most excited and biggest hello from him. He grabbed me, gave me a bear hug, and kissed me on the cheek numerous times. I wasn’t expecting nor was I ready for that, but I have to admit it made me very happy.
My friend and I ordered drinks at the bar and hung out with N and his roommate. We were all dancing our asses off once again, and I was having fun. I was constantly turning away from N trying to find other dance partners, but was unsuccessful. I took many opportunities to talk to my other friend and ignore N a bit. I needed to prove to him I was no longer dependent if we were going to have a successful friendship.
After some time, N went to the bathroom. I had to go too, but I didn’t want to go with him. That would look pathetic. So I waited a minute or two before heading back there.
As I walked into the bathroom, N was washing his hands. I slapped him on the back as I made my way to the urinal. He waited for me outside the bathroom to head back to our spot. When I exited the bathroom, he motioned for me to walk ahead of him. As I did, I got a slap on my ass.
After some more dancing, N started to get overtly affectionate. He grabbed me in what I can only explain as a wrestler hold with his arm around the back of my head and our foreheads pressed against each other. This was my first time D.T.S., but I can guarantee you this was not normal behavior for two men in a bar. down there. After more time, he started kissing me on the cheek and neck more. It was never enough to draw the eyes of the entire crowd, but it definitely would raise at least a few eyebrows.
Once again, my head was a mess. WHAT WAS HE DOING!? He was the one who really initiated us moving things to the friend zone. I understood what was happening. I myself fell victim to my own passions two nights before. Either way, my head was in a tailspin once again. I didn’t know what to think.
When we realized we lost both his roommate and my friend, we went outside. He grabbed a slice of pizza, and I sat and kept him company while we tried to reach the rest of our party. He said, “Whether I come with you to the hotel or we go back to Manasquan, I’m not leaving here without [his roommate].” Who said anything about us going home together? Was this an invitation? Was he having second thoughts?
Nope. Just then, his ex-girlfriend appeared and he went over to talk to her. After about two minutes, he came back to collect me and introduce me to her. On the way over, he turned and said, “Remember, just friends. She doesn’t know about me.” The girl wanted nothing to do with meeting me, and the two of them were deep in catching up. I didn’t sit there long. I was also on Grindr because it was obvious N was up to his games again. To him, I was simply there and convenient, but I wasn’t going to fall prey to his ways all over again.
I told him I was going to walk home and said goodbye. On the walk home, I texted him, “F*ck you.” He immediately responded, “Whhhhhhaaaatttt. R u kidding.” I took the opportunity to get something off my chest in my drunken stroll home. “I dunno. Maybe I’m tired of being led on… You say sh*t you don’t mean. Yea… Thanks for that.” He retorted, “What do I say?” I was done with him for the night. It was time to go back to Grindr and see if I could manage to find some entertainment.
I managed to find a guy who was eight miles away and had a sick body. We chatted a bit and exchanged more than a few pictures. Now I was horny and trying anything I could to get him to come meet me. No dice. He was with friends and couldn’t get away, so we talked about the possibility of meeting up the next day.
After the drama of the night and the Grindr texting for the previous 45 minutes, I was tired. I walked back up to my hotel room to find everyone already passed out. I laid a blanket down on the floor, grabbed a pillow and passed out. I was disappointed in myself. I let myself get sucked in again, but for the second night in a row, I wasn’t going to lose one second of sleep over N.
Follow @onegayatatimeA Night Away (Or Not)
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 8, 2011
Time away. Time away from work. From stress. From my relationship problems. Time away from N. I just needed time away to escape it all.
Following work that Friday, I hit the road to the Jersey Shore at 1:30 with one of my best friends, D. We were getting a head start on the mass exodus that happens every weekend in Hoboken. We really lucked out and didn’t hit any traffic. My stomach was very gracious for this because my hangover was just starting to kick in. I woke earlier that morning, and I was still drunk. I walked into work with my sunglasses on and asked everyone to leave me in peace if at all possible. My wish was granted. Now I was stuck in a car and the positive effects of the alcohol were wearing off.
I thought my conversation with N ended for the day when I signed off Gchat. We had a decent chat, but things certainly weren’t casual yet. Exchanges were still slightly awkward, especially since I tried to drag him to my bed the night before.
However, N wasn’t done talking to me apparently. About half way down to Belmar, I received a text from him. “How was your half day? Are you dts yet?” I read it on my phone and grumbled out loud. Even though I was the one who made it awkward the night before, I didn’t even want to think about him. I turned to D, who had just been filled in on the details of the night before, and I told him what the text said. I asked him what I should do. He said, “You’re trying to put distance between you two right? Then ignore it!”
I took his advice, and I was happy about it. I put the phone back in the console and continued to suffer through my hangover in silence. However, the silence was broken ten minutes later when I received a call from a blocked number. I picked it up and of course, no one was on the other side. I wondered if it was N. Was he calling to see if I was ignoring him? I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was getting to me enough for me to ignore him, so I thought it best to respond to the text. “Half day was necessary. I was still drunk at work. We’re still in the car…” After that, I got radio silence.
An hour and a half later, I received another text from N asking about traffic and our time of departure. I simply ignored this one. I was going to let him hijack my weekend. It would just ruin my weekend with my friends if I spent all my time texting with the guy I just “broke up” with. After some more time, N felt the need to inform me his roommate was down the shore as well. At this point, I was very short. I simply responded, “I know. We’ve been texting each other.” I was hoping he’d get the hint that he was not included in the nights festivities and his services were not needed. He either got the hint or found something else to entertain his time.
At this point, D and I had been drinking for a few hours. We were both six beers deep. D was starting to feel drunk, but I felt NOTHING. This was a typical occurrence for me. I have a very high tolerance, but I was hoping to get drunk. I turned to D and said, “I think I may switch teams this weekend.” I knew I wasn’t going to find a guy down at the Jersey Shore — not in Belmar anyway. I figured why not find a pretty girl to flirt with and see where things go. Not like I’ve never been there before. D laughed and I could see the excitement in his eyes. He knew if this was going to happen, he was going to have entertainment for the rest of the night. He had a girlfriend who was on her way to meet us, but at least he could watch me hit on hotties.
There was one particular girl I was watching from afar. I liked her interaction with her friends. She was participating in their festivities, but always kept herself slightly detached and available. We made eye contact once or twice, so I promised myself I would talk to her once I was properly lubricated. I would never get the opportunity, however. The group of them walked outside into a torrential downpour of rain. In the next minute, I found myself very attracted to her. Her solution to the rain was to rip off her dress, crumple it in her hands, and sprint through the rain in her bikini. She gained major cool points right then, but it was too late. She was gone in a flash (or should I say splash).
Over the next few hours, I switched from beer to vodka sodas and got properly wasted. My sister and K arrived, shortly followed by D’s girlfriend. We were all having a blast. We were at D’Jais afterall, so my fist was pumping hard. I danced my ass off, stuffed my face, and went back to the sh*ttiest hotel I’ve ever been to with D and his girlfriend.
On the way back to the hotel I checked my Grindr out of curiosity. No quality bites, as I expected. One bite I wasn’t expecting was from N. I checked what the message said. “Having fun finding ZERO gay men in the Belmar/Manasquan area?” I immediately rolled my eyes. What was he doing!? I tried not to think about it and laid my head down on the pillow and fell asleep. He wasn’t worth losing one minute of sleep over anymore.
Follow @onegayatatimeBlackout Regret & Poor Life Choices
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 5, 2011
On Thursday, I talked to N on GChat during work hours. It was simple banter. At the same time, I was confiding in NC. We talked about the conversation we had, and he consoled me. He told me, “You’re a good looking guy, good job, etc. Don’t set yourself up to get hurt.” I said, “Thanks! I really needed that!” “It’s true,” he said. “It’s true. I woulda hooked up with you. Not that it means much.”
I had a feeling this was true. I could feel the sexual tension when he stayed the night in my roommates bed. I responded, “And yet, you didn’t. Haha.” “Had I had a few more drinks and wasn’t planning on moving in with you, I woulda suggested cuddling that night,” he replied. This was welcome information considering I felt the same way that night, so I let him know: “And had you not been planning to move in, I totally would have.” I further thanked him and explained, “I know I’m hot and I’m a catch, but for someone to do this to me, sapped a bit of my confidence…”
By the end of the day, N informed me he was going to a work function following work. Thursday was a typical night for me to meet up with friends at my favorite bar, but I wasn’t particularly in the mood to go out with them.
Instead, when I got home, I texted my new gay gym buddy and asked if he was going to be at the gym. He was, so I told him I’d meet him there. Over the past few weeks, I saw him periodically, and we chatted. I would keep him in the loop on my failing relationship, and he would chat with me about his issues. Together, we were providing a little bit of therapy for each other.
I got there and had a chat between lifting. I could tell he was starting to get better, but I certainly was headed downhill since he first met me. I didn’t want to drag him back down with me, so I only told him some of the highlights.
When I was nearly finished lifting, N texted me, “Hey. You wanna go out tonight?” Of course my heart lept a little. I was happy he wanted to spend time with me. Maybe this friendship thing wouldn’t be so hard. Maybe we could shift right into friendship mode with no speed bumps. I played it coy, however. I asked him what time and where. Then, I informed him I was still at the gym and had to go home, shower, eat, and then I would be ready. Since he was still at his work function, the timing would work out perfectly.
As I left the gym, I wondered if this was a group thing or just the two of us. We still had a few things we needed to chat about, and I wasn’t sure if tonight was going to be the time for that conversation. I had said to him, “Maybe sometime we can get drunk and put it all out there and have a good laugh about this.” But maybe this wasn’t that sometime.
After I showered I came out to the kitchen to find L there.. I filled her in on the latest details and began to pour myself some Johnnie Walker. I texted N and asked him what time he wanted to hit the bar and asked where we were headed. He informed me he couldn’t find anyone to go out and asked what I wanted to do. I told him I would hit up my friends and see what I could round up, but I still wanted to go out regardless.
Apparently, it wasn’t going to be just the two of us. I was able to find two friends who were willing to go out, and I told them I would keep them in the loop when I knew what the plan was.
N texted and said he wanted to save some money by pregaming. He asked if he should grab a bottle from the liquor store to replenish some of the liquor he drank at my apartment. I graciously accepted the offer and told him I would see him in a few.
I was two glasses of scotch deep at this point, and my conversation with L was getting quite silly. Not sure why it hit me so fast, considering I can hold my liquor like a champ! After 20 minutes, I texted N asking what was taking him so long. He responded, “Walking out the door now.”
He came by with a bottle of Grey Goose. When he walked in the door, I got a luke-warm hug and a peck on the check, but that was to be expected. It just wasn’t what I was used to. I was also on to my third hefty glass of scotch. The Grey Goose wasn’t all he brought with him. He also brought some recreational supplies. I asked if he wanted to go out on the porch and smoke, but he wasn’t really feeling it. After some arm-twisting, he complied. I don’t know if it was the smoking or the spending time alone with me on the porch he was avoiding, but looking back I’m willing to bet it was the time alone with me.
When we came back in, I plopped down on the couch with another glass of scotch and the rest of the bottle of Johnnie. He sat in a chair rather far from me. L joined us as well after I extended an invitation. I was hoping her presence would help cut the tension.
The three of us sat and chatted while we drank. After some time, N’s roommate joined us. We talked about random things I can’t remember because the scotch began to kick in. At one point, N said something exceptionally person I never knew about him. It really pulled at my heartstrings. All I could think about was how much I wanted to give him a hug. I texted him and said, “You never told me about any of that.” He responded, “We never got that far, and I don’t like normally bringing it up unless it comes up in conversation.”
I asked him if he would come out on the balcony with me. His response: “I don’t mean to be rude, but why?” After that, I lost all the emotional sympathy I was feeling and received his message loud and clear. I said, “Forget it.” Of course, after that, he wanted to know what I wanted to talk about, but I told him to just forget it. We texted each other a few more times while we sat a few feet apart. I was now wasted. One of his texts even said, “You need more ice.”
Since it was getting late, N’s roommate and my roommate went to bed.
After that, everything is a blackout for me. The next thing I remember, I woke up alone and in a panic. It was the next morning, and I couldn’t remember N leaving my apartment that night. He wasn’t in my bed, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember how the night ended. I could hear L outside my door, so I shouted, “Did I do anything dumb last night!?” She told me we were still in the living room when she went to bed, so she had no idea.
I knew I needed to do some damage control. I didn’t know if I did anything inappropriate, but I knew at that point N was the only one who could tell me what happened. I texted him to ask what happened and preemptively apologize if I did anything wrong. I also explained that I had fun just hanging with him and our roommates and added, “Last thing I wanna do is make it uncomfortable…”
He responded, “We made out for a little bit. Then you tried bringing me in the bedroom but I couldn’t… That wouldn’t have been right for either of us.” I slapped myself in the forhead. Of course I did that. I responded, “Thank you for telling me this and thank you for being a gentleman.”
Surprisingly, he replied, “We both knew we wanted to but I couldn’t, especially with you as drunk as you were and I having sobered up.” I thanked him again for being a gentleman, and he countered, “No need to thank me… I’ll always be there for you.” It was a sweet notion. I had a lot of regret for putting us both in that position and was disappointed in myself for acting like a child.
Later that Friday, we talked on Gchat about the events of the night before. It was a very adult and civilized conversation. I was happy for that. We even spoke about what would have happened if I weren’t incapacitated by alcohol. While the conversation was nice, I knew for my own sake, I needed to put more distance between us, or I would never be able to get over him.
As the day progressed, N read my blog again. He read about NC commenting on my ability to do better and was not happy about it. I tried to calm him down, but there was already bad blood between the two. He decided to remove NC from his life and unfriended him on Facebook and blocked him on Gchat.
When 1:00 rolled around, I left work after a half day. I was headed to Belmar at the Jersey Shore with three friends and my sister for the weekend. I was very excited to get away and have some fun. I just got through the week from hell and needed some distractions. I would be free to do whatever and whomever I chose, and that made me very happy!
Follow @onegayatatimeI Think We Need to Talk
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 3, 2011
Finally, Tuesday night, N agreed to come by so we could talk. When he arrived, we exchanged a quick kiss on the lips. You could cut the tension with a knife. We started with some banter between us and my other roommate while I finished emptying the dishwasher. When I finished, I asked him if he wanted to go out on the balcony.
I knew what was coming, and I knew what I needed to do. I also knew a lot more than he thought I did. I let him go first, fully giving him the opportunity to come clean about his transgressions.
He opened with many, many praises. Two that stood out in my head were good-looking and disgustingly generous. I liked that part. At least he acknowledged what a full package I was, but apparently he didn’t realize it if he was there to break up with me.
We started to chat about his weekend and why he never called like he said he would. He recounted the story as the following: Friday night I passed out on the couch. T woke me up in the morning at 7:30 on the couch with a dead phone. We drove down to Amanda’s and the day got away from me. I didn’t call because I didn’t know what to say to you.”
IMMEDIATELY, I called him out on his lies. I pointed out I knew he never saw Amanda all weekend. He copped up and told me he went down the shore with his family. The way his new story progressed, he got a ride down the shore with his roommate after being woken up on the couch and met up with his parents for the rest of the weekend.
Things still weren’t adding up. I shook my head and told him I knew he still wasn’t being honest with me. He looked at me with a questioning expression. I explained how Grindr pegged him 17 miles away at 2:00am. Immediately, he shook his head and said, “I’m such a bad liar. Why am I lying!? Ok. So Friday night, I met a guy at Elmo in the city with two of his friends for dinner. Afterwards, we went back to his place on Staten Island. Nothing happened. We just hung out and then I went home.” Even then, he was still lying. No one comes back from Staten Island to Hoboken at 2:00. It would take four hours. You’d have to be insane to do that. Inside, I was crying. It was hard to hear. Outside, I was strong.
Going into this conversation, my goal was friendship. I knew we could not date any longer, but I hoped to still have him in my life as one of my best friends. However, he was making it very difficult by lying to me. My friends were much more honest with me than that. I knew what I knew and that’s all that mattered. If he was going to continue to lie to me, that was his choice.
He said, “This is not how I expected things to go.” I said to him, “You thought you were just going to come over here and rip off the band-aid?” His response: “Touché. This isn’t who I am. I don’t lie. You can ask [my roommate].”
Now, it was my turn to come clean. I had to tell him about Mr. Grindr, and I did. “I’m not going to stand here and pretend to be guilt free.” I told N I met him on Grindr. It started innocently, but when he started to suggest otherwise, I went along with it. I told him it was no emotional connection, just sex, and it was just my way of evening the playing field when I suspected him of cheating on me. I only told him about the first time we hooked up. He had no idea. I think I blindsided him with this information. My intent wasn’t malicious. But if I was going to cheat on him, I was going to have to deal with the consequences. After all, we weren’t exclusive, so I did nothing wrong according to “the rules,” but we all know what I did was wrong. I apologized for hurting and betraying him.
He asked if we hooked up in my bed and if he slept in my bed the same night. I simply replied, “I’m not going to get into the details.”
We began to talk about how we were going to proceed. It was going to be difficult at first, but eventually, we would be friends. He apologized for our timing being off. He told me he really liked me and spending time with me, but he just ended his long-term relationship with his last girlfriend shortly before meeting me. He was not ready for another serious relationship.
I took the opportunity to give him some advice. I’m not sure whether he appreciated it, but I think he did. I told him if he got into a relationship with anyone else, he owed it to them to be honest about extra curricular activities. We live in a climate when HIV is a serious threat to both his and his partner’s safety. I also told him I didn’t think he was scared enough of the possibility of HIV. Furthermore, I explained to him how wrong he was for hitting on my close friend Boston. He apologized emphatically. I explained to him if he wanted to have a more open relationship, he should have spoken up. I would have been open to that from the start, but when I thought we were progressing towards a serious relationship, how would I know to act any other way.
Finally, I told him if we were going to be friends, he needed to be more honest with me. “What do you mean?” was his response. I had my next words planned precisely. “Grindr is a small world. That’s all I’m gonna say.”
“What does that mean?” I told him I wasn’t about to elaborate or sell someone out, but I knew he still wasn’t being honest with me. He really wanted to know more details, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. I already knew what he was trying to do behind my back, and in the end, I got the guy he was chasing.
At this point, he had to go home and do some work before the morning. He turned to me and said, “Can I have a hug?” I happily responded “YES!” and we shared a nice embrace. We walked inside, and as he walked out the door, we shared one more long embrace and a sweet kiss goodbye.
I finally got to say my piece, but I wasn’t fully at peace. His dishonesty still bothered me. I thought he had more respect for me — Obviously not. It just proved to me we weren’t meant to be together. Deep down I still had affectionate feelings for him, and that would take time to get over. But, we were over. Only time would tell how our relationship would evolve.
Follow @onegayatatimeDarkness Falls
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 2, 2011
That weekend, N was going down to the Jersey Shore. His roommate has a house in Manasquan, and he was planning to possibly go Friday evening with one of his other roommates.
After my Friday off, and my new-found clarity, I didn’t care what N did anymore. I lost all the emotional attachment I had towards him. It was over. I just needed the opportunity to tell him. To be honest, for my own self-esteem, I needed to break things off with him before he tried to break it off with me. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.
Once again, I want to point out that I take full responsibility for my actions. I was wrong to cheat on N. It still bothers me to this day. It’s not who I am. Goes to show what happens when you act on suspicion.
When Friday evening arrived, I was at the gym. I got a text message from N explaining he didn’t know if he would be going to the shore that evening or the next morning. He wasn’t sure when his roommate wanted to go, but if he was staying in town for the night, he wanted to meet up.
I told him my plans for the night. I was going home, showering, hitting up the Zepplin Hall Biergarten with my sister and some friends. I told him he was welcome to tag along if he liked. I wanted to see him because I needed to talk to him, but I debated in my mind if a public setting was the place to have this chat. I was almost to the point of not caring. It was a monkey on my back and I needed it OFF!
While en route to the biergarten, I received a text from N telling me he would meet me there with his roommate. This threw a wrench in my plans because he wasn’t out to this roommate. It would be hard to have a serious conversation.
As time progressed, I texted asking him where he was. He told me he decided to stay in Hoboken and was drinking in his apartment. He was going to meet me when I got back to Hoboken. After arguing with my sister about our planned time of departure back to Hoboken, I finally made my way back. I was going to meet more friends at 1 Republik.
I texted N telling him my plans, but received no response. I sent numerous more texts asking him where he was, asking if he was still planning to meet up with me. But again, darkness. I started to check up on him on Grindr, but he was offline.
Finally, when 1:30am rolled around, I went home. When I got to my room, I laid on my bed and poked around Grindr a bit. All of a sudden, N popped up, and he was 17 miles away. Where the hell was he? Manasquan is not 17 miles away from Hoboken. We went from meeting up in Hoboken, to him being 17 miles away, obviously on his phone not responding to my text messages. What an as$hole! He was obviously up to no good at this point. I sent him a text message, “Well… Have a good weekend I guess…”
Over the course of the weekend I received one text Saturday afternoon from N. “We’re pulling up to Amanda’s house now, but I’m in the car with T. We’re going to get food soon. I’ll call you then.” When I didn’t hear back from him for the next day and a half, I called his roommate the morning of July 4th. She told me she hadn’t heard from him nor seen him all weekend. This was an interesting turn of events, considering he was supposed to be spending the weekend at her house. Pretty sure they should have run into each other at some point if that was the case.
On Monday afternoon, I received a text. N told me he was back from the shore. I texted him back immediately to come by so we could talk, but I got no response.
Later that afternoon, I received another text telling me he passed out on the couch all day and was running late for a party to watch the Macy’s fireworks. I decided to use his roommate for information once again, since when we spoke earlier, we talked about possibly meeting up later. I texted her asking if she’d seen N yet. She told me he just got back from the gym and was making food down in the kitchen. They must have spoken shortly after that because she texted back telling me he was going to a friend’s party. I never let on to either of them I knew he was lying to me about his weekend. I wanted to see his face when I called him on it.
After the fireworks, N decided to come back to Hoboken. He texted me to tell me so, but caveated it by telling me he smoked and was quite drunk. “I know we need to talk and it will prob be serious. I want to be somewhat coherent when we do.”
I begged him to just come over. I needed to get this monkey off. The more I learned about the deceit, the more twisted I felt. He didn’t respond to my texts. Once again, I would have to wait to have the discussion to end my insanity.
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 