Posts Tagged manroulette.com

Finally, Someone Who Knows What They’re Doing!

So far my trip was turning out to be a flop. I had on traumatic experience and an ex who tried convince me to have sex. I needed my luck to turn around.

Last time I came to San Francisco, tried to meet up with a friend of mine I met a very long time ago on manroulette.com. I’d known him for almost as long as I’d known about the site — roughly two years. We exchanged Skype names and kept in touch. I can remember having conversations with him long ago. He was a great guy who had been through a lot. My heart always went out to him when he told me his story. On top of this, he was incredibly sexy. We’d fooled around on Skype numerous times, and every time I yearned for it to be the real thing with him.

I was hoping I would finally get to live out my fantasy. I made plans with him to grab a drink Thursday night after work. He asked if I’d like to meet in The Castro, but I asked if he wouldn’t mind coming to my neighborhood in the Wharf since I trekked up there the previous night. He agreed, and I asked the concierge for a good spot to grab a drink and chat with someone. He gave me a great spot to check out two blocks away — Parlor. It was perfect. We could easily head back to my hotel room after a few drinks.

While I waited for him to get ready, I excited myself with some porn. I wanted my libido revved when I met him because I wanted to live out my fantasy completely.

When he was nearby, I made my way to the bar. There weren’t many people there. It was perfect. Good music, but quiet enough for us to chat.

When he arrived, he came up to join me at the bar, and we exchanged hugs. I was very happy to see him, and I think he was equally happy to see me.

We sat and talked for hours. He’d been seeing a therapist over the past few months, and he’d really been having some breakthroughs. He has a tough time with his family as they’re not accepting of his lifestyle “choices.” I told him my coming out story, and he was very happy I for me that I had such a supporting family.

Three beers later for each of us, and the conversation was going strong. Our conversation hit the pause button when we both heard someone at the other end of the bar making a gay comment, not in reference to us in the slightest. Our ears perked up ready to be on the offensive but there was no need. When we finished our fourth round, I asked him if he would like to come back to my hotel room. He accepted my invitation, but said he couldn’t stay too long since he had to work early the next day.

He proposed we stop for wine along the way, and I agree. He paid for the wine — He was such a Texas gentleman, even if he hadn’t lived there for years. When we got back to the room, we each finish a large glass of wine before I pounced on him. We made out for a solid fifteen minutes. I was really enjoying him. He had a great body, amazing lips, and he was a spectacular kisser. One of the best I’d ever experienced. My fantasy was on its way to reality.

Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. One by one I peeled off his clothes until he was naked. I took it all in with a big grin on my face. From the first time I laid eyes on his “big swinging d*ck” as I called it, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it. It was beautiful, and I sure as hell had some fun with it.

He immediately went for mine and started orally pleasing me, front and backside. He was very good, but also very loud, moaning as his head bobbed up and down. This wasn’t something I was used to. I wanted to finish for him. I wanted to show him the fireworks I could set off, but I just couldn’t concentrate. After some time passed, I went to return the favor, but he stopped me. He told me he had to go because he had to be at work early the next morning.

I was so disappointed. He was really good in bed, and I needed that. I also had been looking forward to that for years now. But, I completely understood. Around midnight, he got dressed to head home. As he was leaving, he told me how great I tasted and how he wasn’t going to wash his hands or face for days. This was very dirty and very sexy. I’d never had anyone respond to my body that way before. He kept coming back for more as he made his way to the door. I could tell he didn’t want to leave, which made me happy. I was also purposely teasing him with my body, as I lay naked on the bed. I didn’t want him to go, but I still had one more night in San Francisco, which means I had one more chance to take him to bed…

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Bradley Cooper?

Welcome to Fast-Forward Fridays!!!

For a limited time only, I’m trying something new. After receiving many requests to bring the blog closer to real-time, I have decided to start releasing two posts on Friday. I hope you like the new addition. Scroll to the previous post below to keep up to date with the story. Keep your eyes open for new and exciting things to come…

On with this special edition of One Gay At A Time…

Wednesday morning I dropped Smiles off at the airport. I felt like a chauffeur considering the goodbye I received at the curb.

After running my errands, I was home alone with my thoughts. My good friend, A proposed we hang out, and I jumped at the opportunity. She was passing through Hoboken to the city since a coworker was giving her a ride. It would be a great distraction, and I needed to catch her up since the last time we chatted, I was in need of the “where are we” conversation.

She arrived at my apartment, and I made us dirty martinis because we were both due for a good stiff drink. She proposed we go out for dinner, and I agreed since I wasn’t in the mood to cook food. A suggested we go there to Cucharamama. I’d never been, but I’d heard some great things, so I was on-board.

We walked the few blocks to the restaurant in the drizzling rain and got a nice table in the back of the restaurant. It was cozy and warm, and I was happy to be out of the bad weather. We sat and she told me about how things are with her boyfriend.

A month or so ago, she’d told me about the communication problems they had shortly after moving in together. Apparently, things had greatly improved and they seemed to be finding their groove. I was happy for her.

My relationship was taking a different direction. I told her about the conversation we had the night before. I told her everything he said when I asked him where we stood as a couple. A was already skeptical going in. When I last told her how I was feeling about things, she told me it was time to move on. She didn’t think he was right for me. She told me, “You need someone who will worship you. You need someone who is as into you as you are them because you as so giving in a relationship.”

She was kinda right, but I was still going to give him a chance. It wasn’t like I was blissfully unaware of our issues, but I wasn’t willing to turn my back on him because of it.

After I told her my feelings and thoughts on my current situation with Smiles, she agreed with my plans to proceed. I told her I was going to continue to date him, but I wasn’t going to close myself off to other possibilities should they come my way. I wasn’t going to completely throw myself out there and jump back on adam4adam.com or Grindr, but I also was going to be open to possibilities. I knew I deserved better, and so did she. I was going to give him a short window of time to prove he was going to treat me better, but if that window closed, I was ready to move on. There was no reason for me to immediately drop Smiles. I had no other prospects lined up. Why not give him a chance.

Then the conversation switched to men and women in general. We talked about emotions and dating. The topics of masculinity and femininity came up, and we exchanged our opinions on both. It was a very friendly debate, and I really enjoyed and appreciated the time with her. If there was a time I needed her, it was then. We ordered glasses of wine and a few appetizers and main courses and shared all of them. All the food was great, but the company really made the night. I needed someone to talk to about what was going on in my love-life, but I also needed someone who wouldn’t let me dwell on it and change the subject after we’d discussed it at length.

I wasn’t even thinking about Smiles by the time the check came. And, because my friend A is overly generous, she would not let me pay for dinner. She paid the entire bill. She wouldn’t even let me pay the tip. If anything, I should have been paying for it since she was helping me and giving me what I needed. She gave me the confidence boost I needed to realize what is best for me and seek it out.

I needed to return my friend’s keys since I borrowed his car to take Smiles to the airport, so I said goodbye to A at the restaurant with a hearty hug and went in the other direction towards his apartment. I returned his keys and stayed to chat a bit before heading home for the night.

My roommate was at trivia that night, and it was a block from my friend’s apartment. So, I joined him for the close of the night. Ironically, the host of trivia was Adam from Big Brother. I’m quite a fan of the show, so I chatted him up a bit about what it was like to live in the house. I’d love to be on that show, and I think I’d clean up.

When I got home, I was bored and a little horny. I decided to hop on manroulette.com. It was usually a good go-to for casual fun and an ego boost. The talent on their wasn’t exactly great, but I managed to find a decent guy to chat with and have some camera fun. He paid me numerous compliments, and I ate them up. He told me I looked great. Over the three months I dated Smiles, I think I got maybe five compliments from him. This guy paid me five in five minutes. I needed it. I often need validation. It’s a defect, but it’s who I am.

When the guy told me I looked like Bradley Cooper, I questioned him. I thought he was just stroking my ego to keep me interested in him, but when I questioned him on it, he insisted. I’d heard that in the past, but for some reason he made me start to believe it. I really needed that.

The time came to end my chat with my new online friend and get ready for bed. I realized I hadn’t heard from Smiles all day. He was probably settling in with his family, but he also told me he’d call me later that night when I dropped him at the airport. I was disappointed. He wasn’t exactly winning my affections already. I laid there as my mind struggled with what to do. I wasn’t sure how to proceed, but it certainly would be with caution.

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A Role Reversal

After all the drama between N and NC, I still hadn’t heard the end of it. These two really knew how to get under each other’s skin after one awkward hookup. I think it’s because they pretty much are the same person. I didn’t quite get it. But I also had nothing to do with it, so I didn’t need to get into it.

“I’m extremely p*ssed off at that prissy prick,” N typed to me. I told him he shouldn’t let it get to him. It’s over. He’s just one person. “I can’t stand him!” he replied. I tried to console him by telling him, “Well luckily you don’t have to deal with him anymore… You blocked him and he’s in another state.”

We changed the subject to talk about the night before. He asked how yoga was. I explained that yoga was cancelled, so I went out for the night. “Where’d you go? Get sh*t-faced? A date ?!?!?” he asked. I told him I just stayed in Hoboken, and I was trying to curb my drinking. “Gonna ignore the date question?” he replied. Quite frankly, I was ignoring the date question. It was none of his business. I recognized our situation and the heightened sensitivity, so I didn’t feel the need to get into it with him. Why did he need to know so badly if I was on a date. So I decided I was going to test the waters. I wasn’t on a date at all. I went to the movies with my good friend D. But, there was no reason I couldn’t insinuate a date. I wasn’t lying. I wanted to know where N’s head was at.

“Sorry… Didn’t see the question. I dunno what you’d call it,” I said, playing dumb. Then he decided to dig deeper: “Did you guys go out or did you go over his house?When I got home and turned my phone on I saw you were on Grindr. You were a # of ft. farther than your house.” Wow! Was he stalking me now? I know I did the same thing before, but I never let him know that until we broke up, and I used it as information to get him to tell me the truth about what he was doing and where he was going when we were still dating. “Are you Grindr stalking me?” I asked.

“R E L A X,” he answered. Trying to keep things light, I said, “Hahahah. That was said with a smile.” I have to admit, I was having a little fun here. We were broken up a week now, and I was enjoying witnessing him go through some of the same crap I went through weeks earlier. “When I’m home, you’re usually the first/second guy to show up from my favorites,” he said, trying to make an excuse for himself. I told him I didn’t go to his house, and I didn’t meet him on Grindr. I didn’t really appreciate all the comments he was making about me on Grindr lately, however. I know his sarcastic style, but he should have known how they would be received in our relationship’s climate. “You’re starting to make me sound like I’m a Grindr whore…” I stated.

Then he got defensive and said he never assumed we met on Grindr or went to his house. This is where the conversation started going downhill fast.

Me: But you asked if I went to his house…

N: So? You’re the one that told me you went to someone’s house the last face to face we had, so I asked.

Me: Haha. That wasn’t the last face to face we had. And I never said I went to someone’s house. And, if I recall you told me you went to someone’s house in the same conversation. Wait… Sorry. That was catty. Please ignore that. That has no relevance in this convo. Sorry.

N: Yeah, you can eventually be a catty c*nt when we’re further away from what we just went through and better best friends, but now — calm down the CCness. But don’t apologize.

Me: I don’t ever want to be a catty c*nt. Not who I am. I really didn’t mean that. I don’t know why I even brought it up. Just seems like you were asking a lot of ?s. So anyway… How was your last night?

Once again, I found myself trying to change the subject to something more neutral. It was frustrating we had to go through this every time we talked. I hoped desperately things would change, and we would get to a civil place. I wanted to be his friend. I liked his company and enjoyed spending time with him. He was a great guy to be around. But, he did a lot of sh*t to hurt me, and I would need to learn not to resent him if this was going to work. Hopefully, with time, it would.

He brought the conversation back to my night out: “So tell me about this guy… If we’re going to be friends…” I really didn’t want to tell him about it, even if I really did have a date. I said, “We’ll get there… We’re not there yet. Sorry.”

I asked him how his day was going, and he complained about his boss. “Other than that, a guy at the gym freaked me out by walking into my shower and me going to the front desk in a towel about it…” he said.

WHAT!? This could only happen to N. I never heard such stories from someone about the gym, especially in Hoboken. Was I that naive to the gay world. Was all this crap happening right under my nose? Or was this not the norm and something that happened only to people who provoked such behavior. I asked if he ever interacted with the guy before? “Maybe I looked at him while working out once? He was older and Spanish,” he responded. It was completely creepy. I’m learning more every day how often this sort of behavior happens, but it is still a complete turnoff for me. It made me quite glad I don’t make eye-contact at the gym and have never witnessed any behavior like that. “Your stories have made me never want to go to the downtown Hoboken gym again! I exclaimed. “I’d feel dirty just walking in the door.”

I told him I don’t quite get it. He didn’t really have a “gay air” about him, and it’s not that he wasn’t attractive. But still, how do they know he’s not straight and going to turn around and deck them. I feel I’m at least fairly attractive, and no one ever acted this way towards me. His response: “I guess I look at guys? Maybe he’s seen me on Grindr?”

At this point we both went to lunch, but later in the day, I got another message from him. “Thanks you tall ass bro you. Going on dates with boys…. Psssshaaa. LOL. JK. I’m being silly because I’m in a food coma.” REALLY!? Are we still really not over me going out with one guy. At least I knew where things stood, even if there never was a date to begin with. He was fired up for some reason, but he wasn’t explaining why. And then he did.

He typed, “Btw. I’m gonna send you a picture, and I don’t want you to respond to it. I just want you to know that I took offense to it. I’m not judging you or holding it against you.” Just then he sent me a passage from my blog. “Sorry I couldn’t do it for you, and you had to resort to your spank bank. And our sexual chemistry? Are you kidding me? I don’t want to talk about it. I’m over it.” He was insulted because I said we didn’t have a perfect sex-life.

I reminded him this was something we discussed earlier and suggested we discuss it again because he was reading it out of context. I said, “Things weren’t always perfect… We were 2 tops… Not easy for either of us to ‘take’ for example.” He interrupted me and asked that we not talk about it, but I wasn’t on board with that. He didn’t get to say his piece to me and then drop it. He had to let me explain. I told him it wasn’t fair. He jumped in and said, “Um…. What’s not fair is referring to our intimate relationship for all the world to read, regardless of not disclosing any personal name information.” I reminded him of our earlier conversation about this and how he didn’t care if I continued to write the blog. “At the time I said that I didn’t think you and I were going to be in the position we are now. Fine, continue,” he said.

I began again: “It takes time to build sexual chemistry. We were learning what turned each other on. We were exploring. The sex was good.” He asked me to try to explain the context of resorting to my “spank bank” to get me over my “final hump,” why we didn’t have “amazing sexual chemistry,” and how I thought he “felt the same way.” “All the while no less than one paragraph right before you go on to explain one of the best Os of my life,” he added.

I began once again, “Ok. The spank bank… We talked about this. You talked about thinking about the best porn that turned me on when we were hooking up. That’s what I was doing. When I was with you I was always there. Always in the moment. Did I have to think about how hot it would be if we hooked up in a locker room shower like I had seen in a porno sometimes? Yes. Yes I did. I don’t want you to think I wasn’t enjoying having sex with you. To be honest, if it wasn’t good, we prob wouldn’t have been having it nearly as often.”

He interrupted, “Well, I’ll tell you that’s the way you come off. And, I don’t really want to think about it anymore.”

I told him, “You’re taking offense to it, when it’s just the reality of beginning to have sex with a new person. You have to learn from each other and find what makes the other guy go crazy. That is all I meant by that comment. If I didn’t like having sex with you, do you think I would have tried to drag you to my room last week? That’s all I’m going to say about it… I just wanted you to let me explain.” He responded, “Thank you for explaining. This topic is closed from my perspective now.”

We talked some more, and I tossed out the idea of going out to dinner some night, just as friends. He responded well and said that would definitely be something he’d be interested in.

Of course, he didn’t bring my clothes over that night once again. Also, that night it was my turn to stalk him on Grindr. He wasn’t home like he said he was going to be. Later, I found out he went to dinner with a friend. He probably did something with his “friend” since he didn’t seem to come home according to Grindr, but that was no longer any of my concern. And it didn’t bother me one bit (other than I wanted my clothes back).

And me. What was I doing? For the first time in months, I went back on manroulette. I felt pathetic. How did I resolve myself to that site for so long. That would probably be the last time I visited the site, if even just for the sake of my ego.

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