Posts Tagged lies
Prince Charming Pt 2
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 3, 2011
Ever since my first date with Prince Charming, I have been trying to see him again. With the exception of being unavailable often because of his job as a flight attendant (soon to be pilot), he was everything I was looking for in a man. I thought about him often, but tried to curb my excitement for fear I would find myself disappointed.
We spoke on the phone for an extended period of time while I was in Martha’s Vineyard to try to plan a time we could get together. It was nice to get to hear the sound of his voice again. He told me his upcoming schedule and planned to get together the Wednesday after my return from vacation. He would be coming off a long working weekend in Scottland Tuesday evening.
When Tuesday rolled around, I started to become worried about the potential for Wednesday. I was back to work and knew the full scope of work laid out for the week. We had a pitch that Friday that would lead to me traveling to Memphis Thursday afternoon. I knew my Wednesday night was going to be stolen by work. Tuesday when he landed, he sent me a text message. I near lept for joy. I was thrilled he reached out to me. I was on his mind. I texted him back on my walk home from work. It was pouring outside, but I still had a smile on my face.
I took the opportunity to warn him I possibly would be unable to meet Wednesday. I asked him what the chances were I could see him that night instead. I knew he was tired from the long trans-Atlantic flight, so I proposed ordering take-out and a movie on the couch, even though I owed him a home-cooked meal from scratch. It was already 7:00, and I had no time to plan out and cook a meal to the extent I would need to impress him after his spectacular creation for me.
Surprisingly, he bit. Once I explained both my roommates would be out of the apartment, he agreed to come over. I was shocked at how little convincing he needed after telling me how exhausting that flight is. He said he would have to shower and get ready to come by. He was moving at a snail’s pace after waking up from a nap and apologized for such. He asked for my understanding. I told him to take whatever time he needed, as long as it meant he was coming over. I was literally blissfully walking through puddles as I texted back to him. I didn’t care what was going on around me. I had a smile from ear to ear, and two very wet shoes.
When I got home, I cleaned my room and showered. He asked me to find a good Italian restaurant to order from. I called my Italian ex-roommate to ask which one he preferred since I respected his taste in Italian cuisine. I set the menu on the counter and waited for him to call. I instructed him to pull up in front of my apartment, and I would hop in the car to help him find a parking space. He already resented Hoboken and its lack of parking. Anything I could do to offset that would work in my favor.
He drove around for quite a while before finally calling me. It was a downpour outside, so parking was even more at a premium. He pulled up and I hopped in the car. I leaned across the car and gave him a kiss. We drove around for twenty minutes without finding a single space that wasn’t flooded out. He said the only other option was to go to his place, but he would have to drive me home late at night because his roommate (the one that isn’t his ex) was coming home at 5:00am. I didn’t question it at the time, but a huge red flag went off in my head. Why did it matter if his roommate came home? It had to have something to do with living with his ex. When he brought me over to his apartment the fist time, no one else was home. He was hiding something, even if he told me in full disclosure he lived with his exboyfriend who he was separated from. At that point, I suggested he drive home and take a cab to my apartment, but he was ready to give up.
He asked me to give him credit for the effort, but I wasn’t satiated. I wanted to spend time with him. He made me happy. The parking situation was ruining my night. It had nothing to do with not getting sex. I just wanted to spend time getting to know him.
He drove back to my apartment and dropped me off. I gave him a few kisses and went on my way. I walked back into the apartment like a defeated soldier. We agreed to try for the following evening, but I had very low expectations for that. It was late, and I was starving. I found some frozen food in the freezer that was easy to heat up, and I sat on the couch for the remainder of the evening alone with the TV remote.
The following evening, I found out I would not be at work that late. I texted him immediately, only to find he was unable to come over. He had an early training flight the next morning. We agreed to shoot for the following Tuesday to meet up again. From that moment on, I resolved myself to not get my hopes up. The new discovery about the sneaking around his roommates did not bode well for progress between us.
The following Monday, I sent him a text asking if I would get to see him. After getting no response, on Tuesday I followed up with a phone call but still didn’t receive a response. When Friday came along, and he signed on Grindr, I messaged him to ask if he was avoiding me. I also sent a text, should he not get my Grindr message. I wasn’t going to stalk him, but I was shocked he would treat me like this after telling me how much he enjoyed my company. He finally responded, “I am going through some things with my ex, and I don’t want to drag anyone into the middle of it.” I immediately replied, “I have to respect that, but I have to tell you, I’m very disappointed.” He texted back, “I understand and apologize.” That wasn’t an acceptable apology for ignoring me. I thought he was different and would treat me with respect. If he told me that instead of avoiding me, I would have had to accept it and move on. It’s just the games I don’t appreciate.
Who knows if it really was his ex or if he just lost interest in me. I will never know. I followed up with a text saying, “That doesn’t mean we can’t grab a friendly drink sometime at the bar. Don’t be a stranger.” I still needed friends as much as I needed a lover. I was willing to accept that level with him since I thought he was such a good guy. However, he must feel differently. I haven’t heard from him since…
Follow @onegayatatimeCan I See Your Press Credentials?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 26, 2011
That time of year finally arrived — The end of summer. It’s always both a sad time and a happy time for me. I am a sun worshiper. I love the beach, and I love a good tan. It means the days get shorter, and the nights get longer, which isn’t necessary a bad thing when you have someone to share those nights with. Of course if you’ve read this blog at all, you know I don’t have that someone. However, it is a happy time for me because it means the annual Martha’s Vineyard trip many of my friends and I take has arrived. We always have a blast, and it’s one of the best crews I’ve ever traveled with. Everyone is mature and responsible, yet they still know how to have fun.
Since things ended with N, I kinda went on a whoring rampage. My time in OCMD was nothing short of scandalous. But, I was having fun. And, why shouldn’t I? I’m a single 27 year-old who is still finding himself in this new gay world. While everyone was having sex in high school and college, I was a good boy. I had my share of awkward hookups with women, but nothing successful enough to blossom into a relationship and rarely something worth revisiting again. Plus, the only way I would get better at sex was practice. So practice away I shall.
We hopped on the ferry to the island, and I fired up Grindr. I was beginning this trip with five other straight friends and ending it with ten. I knew I would crave some stimulation from other like-minded gentleman. Many of my friends were in relationships, some of which were tagging along on the vacation. I didn’t want to always be the third wheel. I made an effort to find someone to maybe sneak off on my own with.
Of course I found a few attractive men right off the bat, but pickings were actually quite slim. Many of the attractive ones happened to be on the mainland. One guy in particular messaged me. He was on the Vineyard covering the President’s vacation and had stayed on longer to cover Hurricane Irene as a photojournalist for CNN. He was staying in Vineyard Haven, where we were pulling into port around 9:00am. He could see my ferry coming in to port from his hotel window. He suggested I come by. I was definitely intrigued since he appeared to be quite an attractive man — Fit and handsome. I was also intrigued because originally he told me he was a CNN journalist in the President’s press corp. I thought it would make for an interesting story for the blog (This thing can be such a bad influence on my decision-making process sometimes!). He was a bit older, but I was on vacation, so my standards could also take a vacation. I explained to him I was just arriving on the island and would need to get settled in. Coming over for a quickie was not a solid option. That didn’t deter him. He certainly was persistent. He was waiting for a ferry, but was unsure which one he would get on due to the cancellations from the hurricane.
We arrived at our house and began unloading the car. We settled in and unpacked. I was originally under the impression we’d be heading directly to the beach, but everyone seemed to be lounging about. I inquired if I would have time to go for a run before we went anywhere. Everyone agreed they weren’t heading anywhere fast. I wasn’t really all that into meeting this guy, but at this point, there was no reason why I couldn’t. Am I proud of this? HELL NO! I was stupid and saw it as a challenge. So, I told the guy I was on my way.
In my haste, I left for the run shirtless. I hate running in a soaking wet t-shirt, so I left it behind. I wasn’t thinking ahead to the part where I would be walking into a hotel without a shirt on soaking wet from a run.
I texted him the whole way, almost getting hit by a car twice. He told me his room number and planned to leave the door ajar. He would be waiting for me in the bed. I was not really comfortable with this. I really felt like a gigolo, only I wasn’t getting paid. I explained my need for a towel when I arrived to help with the sweat from the 1.5 mile run, so he left one hanging on the door knob for me.
When I arrived, I walked right past the front desk straight to the elevator. When I go to the door, I entered the room. He was waiting on the bed for me. I removed my shoes and began to take off my shorts. He pulled me in, and we started to make out. I didn’t realize from his pictures he was quite the redhead. His entire body was freckles. He was my first ginger. Without getting into the details, we had our fun. SAFE fun. When all was said and done, I picked up the towel again and cleaned up as best I could. He couldn’t stop telling me how sexy I was and how great my body was. I don’t embarrass easily, but he was certainly making me start to blush. He told me if he didn’t get on the ferry that night, he would be calling upon me to go on another morning run the following day. I knew this wasn’t going to happen, but I humored him anyway. We exchanged a kiss, and I was back off on my run home.
Of course, the second I left for my run, everyone back at the house began speculating on my reason for leaving. I knew this was going to happen, and I could tell the second I walked back into the yard they had been discussing this. One my friends, a very loyal reader, immediately grilled me on how my run was. I saw right through her intentions, and I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of being right — Until now. I lied. I denied any lewd behavior on my part. I simply told them I was stuck on the other side of the drawbridge and had to wait for it to be lowered again. They bought it, and with that, I went in the house to shower and get ready for the day.
Ironically, later that night we had dinner on the beach in Menemsha. We stayed to watch the sunset and had a blast. We had no cellphone service out there because it is a remote part of the island. When I arrived home, I notice a message from the ginger mentioning seeing me on the beach that night. It was a little creepy knowing he didn’t take a ferry that day and saw me that evening. I was very grateful he didn’t walk up to me and say anything. And, of course, the following morning I had a request for a repeat, but there was no need to revisit that again.
I wasn’t on the island an hour, and I had already gotten myself into trouble. This was certainly going to be an interesting vacation…
Follow @onegayatatimeThe Closet Turns in His V-Card
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 23, 2011
Just when you thought you heard the last from N, he’s made his way right back into the blog. You certainly weren’t the only one. We hadn’t spoken in a while. I got tired of his constant insinuations I was a whore. I was finding myself, and he was certainly not someone who should be judging me. I was over him, but I still wanted his friendship. But, if that meant dealing with the harassment I was receiving, I didn’t need his friendship that much.
On a random Thursday night at 12:30am I received a text from N. This is the conversation that ensued:
N: “Wanna go out? Cmon! Lol. I just got in from dinner with French coworkers.”
Me: “What!?”
“Lol. I took tomorrow off.”
Me: “Haha. Me too.”
N: “Hahahahah. Let’s gay bar. Lol. Jk. N’ play with men.”
Me: “Haha. Where’s your boy?”
N: “My boy?”
Me: “Yea.”
N: “He’s home. I just said I wanna play. Not hookup.”
Me: “I wasn’t saying that.”
N: “I’m not a slut.”
Me: “I didn’t say you were. Don’t put words in my mouth.”
N: “Can I put something else in your mouth instead?”
Me: “Lol. I’m not a slut. Haha.”
N: “I bet. ;)”
Me: “Okay. Maybe a lil”
N: “Pig”
Me: “?”
N: “Joke”
Me: “You at home?”
N: “Yup.”
Me: “Not going to the bar, but I’ll hang on the balcony if you’re down… Bored…”
TIME PASSES
Me: “Ha! Waiting for a better offer?… Haha”
N: “STFU. I’m smoking with my roommate.”
Me: “Enjoy.”
THE NEXT MORNING
N: “God, I was wrecked.”
Me: “Any interest in a trip to the gym uptown?”
N: “I’m going into work in five. Taking a cab. Or else I would.”
Me: “I thought you took the day off?”
N: “I think I’m going there from now on. I saw your old roommate there Wednesday.”
Me: “I know. Don’t change your gym for him. He’s not gonna blow you in the sauna…”
N: “Okay. I wasn’t changin’ for your weird unattractive ex-roommate, or for a sauna blowjob. But thanks for looking out.”
Me: “Any time.”
N: “Jerk.”
He may have gotten his jibes in, but I certainly didn’t stand there and take it this time. I started out playing along to try to show him the comments didn’t bother me. I thought if I played along, maybe they’d stop. I was wrong. That’s when I realized I needed to throw it right back at him. It seems to have worked. At this point I needed a break. His drunk texts may have been sober thoughts, but I wasn’t playing that game! It just proved to me once again I was the guy who conveniently lived across the street. Only time would heal that wound.
That entire week, Closet was texting me asking for sex. That Friday night I was free, and once again, I was home alone. I told him to come by.
This time, when he arrived, we went straight to the bedroom. We chatted while he took his shoes, shirt and pants off, but that didn’t last long. He lunged for me on the bed and was immediately on top of me, passionately making out. We stripped each other of all clothing and enjoyed each other’s company immensely.
Then, out of nowhere, he informed me he had been doing some preparation that week and asked me to try penetration again. I knew he was a virgin to this and it would certainly be a learning experience for him. I debated if I wanted the responsibility of being his first. He was a really nice guy, and we were having fun. In the five seconds I thought about it, I convinced myself, “Why not?” We were both here just to hook up. Why shouldn’t it be educational as well?
We both prepped, and I began slowly. VERY slowly. He of course winced at first, but soldiered on. I was impressed. After a while he really enjoyed himself, but then all of a sudden he asked to stop. He said he felt the need to urinate. He ran into the bathroom but nothing. He came back, and we began again. He apologized once more and said he had to use the bathroom. Again, nothing. He came back perplexed. I explained it was something he needed to get used to feeling. I was possibly pushing on his bladder or prostate. The whole time we were hooking up, I was slightly distracted. I kept thinking about how much he felt like a kid. He is older than I am, but he certainly felt like the much younger student. It was a strange dynamic. I barely knew what I was doing. How was I teaching someone else?
We began again, and he started to relax and enjoy himself. By the time we finished, he was enjoying himself full force. And thus, a bottom was born!
We laid there and chatted a bit. I got us glasses of water while we talked. After some time passed, we both showered, got dressed, and I gave him a kiss goodbye. I didn’t want to get in too deep with him, but for the time being, we were having fun. I wasn’t going to stand in the way of that. I had a feeling as well, this wouldn’t be the last time I saw Closet…
Follow @onegayatatimeIndiana Jones
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 22, 2011
On my walk home from work, I called my new Grindr friend to see if we were still on for drinks that evening. Sadly, however, he told me he wasn’t sure he would be able to make it. He still had to walk his two dogs and had a few things he needed to take care of. I was very anxious to meet him that night because it was the last opportunity I would have before heading to Martha’s Vineyard for a week. I know when momentum breaks, enthusiasm also wanes. I told him, “Well, go take care of what you need to do, and if you still think you can do it later, let me know.” He was worried I was missing out on other plans waiting around for him, but I assured him I had nothing planned for the evening. He wasn’t keeping me from anything. Such a gentleman.
As time passed, I had the idea to just invite him to my apartment to share a bottle of wine. It was a very nice night, and I have a comfortable balcony we could sit and chat on. I texted him the idea, and he happily agreed. An hour passed, and I heard nothing from him. I cut up different cheeses and laid them out on a nice platter with grapes, crackers, and chocolate covered espresso beans. Just as I was about to call him, I heard a buzz at my door. I buzzed him in and told him to come to the second floor. I opened the door to find exactly what I expected to see. He threw his arms open and gave me a big hug, exclaiming, “I made it!” I’m a big fan of hugs and feel people don’t hug enough theses days. After a sweet embrace, he sat and I poured him a glass of wine. He commented on how nice my apartment was and told me how easy it was to get there.
I asked if he wanted to sit on the balcony and he graciously obliged. We grabbed the cheese platter and wine and made our way outside.
He began by asking my family background. I told him my father’s side is German and my mother’s side is Polish, Irish and Welsh. I am a European mutt. He told me his grandfather was a Nazi who escaped Germany once he realized what was going on and that he was in over his head. He came to the US and started a famous steakhouse. His grandmother was a Native American bootlegger from who made moonshine. I’ll let you figure out how the two met. They then divorced when she ran away with a man in a terrorizing biker gang
The previous night, he told me he was a cowboy at one point in high school in another county. He explained how similar this was to Brokeback Mountain (minus the sex), as men were paired up. Like all the other pairs, he developed an extremely close bond with the man he was paired up with much akin to a brotherhood. When the time came for “Indiana Jones” to move back to the states to go to college, he had to say goodbye to this close friend. They stayed up all night reminiscing and crying about how much they would miss each other. I was so very touched by this story. I asked where his friend is now, and I was shocked and disappointed to find they haven’t been in touch since he left. I scolded him and told him to rebuild that connection.
When he came back to the states, he went to art school. He was always fascinated by art, anthropology and archeology. After he graduated, he traveled to India and fell in love with the culture. He told me about how ingrained in the local society he became. He wasn’t simply a tourist.
When he came back to the states, he was setting up his studio. He was cleaning things up and came across a windfall possibly worth millions. Instead of taking this money and living a high life, squandering it on a lavish lifestyle, he did the unthinkable. He took the money and built a hospital in the remote areas of India. When I learned of this, I was truly amazed. It was an ultimate act of selflessness. I was sitting next to one of the greatest men of my generation. After building the hospital, he decided to start a charity. I watched multiple videos on YouTube describing the work he is doing. He has built schools and hospitals and set up women’s centers. Someone even followed him around for five years and made a film about his life and his work.
The previous night, I was watching Labyrinth. The subject of David Bowie came up. Indiana Jones not only worked with him, but knew him on a more personal level. He worked with many celebrities beyond Bowie. Through his charity, he has worked with people from Bono to the Dalai Lama. Through his work and art, he has worked on many movie sets, such as Beloved and Chicago. He’s actually close enough friends with Renee Zellweger that she texted him when she started dating Bradley Cooper. When I asked him who his favorite person to work with was, he replied, “No one’s ever asked me that before. Hmmm. Mother Theresa. She has this sexiness about her. And, not in the typical sense obviously.” I retorted, “No. I completely understand. She’d have to have a certain charisma about her to produce such a following. She has to be persuasive. I see that same charisma in you. I can see why you are so successful.”
I’m not a celebrity whore. They are people just like you and me. I treat them as such. I definitely respect their work, but I’m not going to go crazy just because they scribbled on a piece of paper for me. This man is a worldwide celebrity, but I don’t think he knows it. I made it a point to tell him. He’s known by people all over the world from the most remote corners of India to the Himalayas to Africa to the U.S. People greet him with warmth and respect. He truly is doing good all over the world.
I, of course, asked about the Oprah thing. He was very humble about the experience and tried to downplay the whole thing. I am most impressed by the media impressions something like that generates. His story reached so many people. I can’t imagine what it did for his organization. He was also in O magazine. When he was telling me about the movie about his life and the need for distribution or a venue, I simply suggested he contact Oprah’s people and get it on her new OWN network. He thought it was a brilliant idea and said he would make a point to mention it to the director/producer.
I asked him about his charity and how much overhead he had. He explained that a majority of it is simply him. I asked, “Well, who answers the phone?” He detailed a small staff, but it really all boiled down to him and his board of directors. We talked about his need to find someone who could take over the reins when he was no longer able to do so. It would be a shame for all that hard work to just stop because the driving force behind it disappeared. He needed to find a protegé.
He took the time to tell me not only about all the good works his charity is involved with, but also about his personal life too. We talked about his partner and he showed me some pictures of him, his dogs, his house in Vermont he tries to escape to, etc. It was nice to get to know him on a personal level.
When we finished the bottle of wine and the entire cheese plate, it was time for him to head home. He had to pack for his upcoming trip to India. As he stood up, he said, “We spent so much time talking about me, next time I want to hear all about you!” I joked, “You’re life is slightly more interesting than mine!” I walked him to the door, and we exchanged another embrace.
As I walked to my room, I had a smile from ear to ear. Who would have thought I was capable of finding such an amazing friend on Grindr? But, I did. This would be the start of a beautiful friendship, and I looked forward to every minute of it!
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You Were on Oprah!?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 21, 2011
Sometimes someone comes into your life and just simply blows you away. You have no idea where they came from, and you have no idea why they are talking to you. They are simply amazing, and you feel you don’t deserve a minute of their time.
On a random Monday night, while watching Labyrinth with my roommate, I was poking around on Grindr. I came across a good looking torso so I messaged him my standard message, “Hey stud.” I don’t know why, but that line always seems to work. I think men can’t resist being called stud. I know I would be highly flattered if someone said it to me.
We began chatting. He was a really nice guy and quite a gentleman. I learned he lived not far from me in Jersey City. We started flirting a bit and swapped a few picrtures. I told him why I was on Grindr: I am looking to meet guys and see where things go. I told him about my sordid dating life, and what I was really looking for in a man. He told me I seemed like a really great guy and asked why I was still single. I told him I was hunting for my unicorn, a monogamous man who acted like a man and was willing to give me as much as I was willing to give him. I then turned the question on him. He said, “I never said I was single.”
This is the part of the conversation when my heart sinks. Every time someone says something like this to me, a little piece inside of me dies. There have to be guys out there who are happy with their relationships and aren’t involved in extra-curricular activities outside their relationship.
I asked him to elaborate. (I apologize if this gets vague, but I am doing so to protect this man’s identity… He is somewhat of a public figure as you will come to learn) He explained his partner is a performer who continued to work beyond the typical age of retirement in his field. Because of this, his partner has to take a lot of medication, and he thinks it has severely effected his libido. As a result, after seven years together, they haven’t had sex in a year and a half. On top of that, he travels the world for months at a time (he was gone for 5 months when we started chatting). My heart went out to him on this one. That is a long time. But, I still don’t see that as an excuse to sneak around and find sex outside the relationship.
Every time he asked for sex, his partner was always too tired or not feeling well. A year and a half of that is unacceptable. They needed to talk about it with each other, even if it was something his partner wasn’t interested talking about. He rationalized being on Grindr by saying he needed to feel sexy, so why couldn’t he flirt a bit. We had a very adult conversation about the whole situation. I told him he needed to force his partner to address their problems. Relationships are about two peoples’ happiness. If he wasn’t getting everything he needed in the relationship, he needed to speak up more forcefully. Basically, I talked him out of doing anything he would regret down the road. I never want to be something someone regrets. No one wants that negative energy associated with himself.
He replied, “Okay. Sorry for the pictures! Just friends!” I needed friends just as much, if not more than I need a lover. I was excited by the prospect because this man seemed to lead an exciting life. He was an amazing man who had a weak moment. I told him not to worry about the pictures and made sure to reiterate I thought he was a very sexy man. He loved his partner, and it was apparent. From then on, we had a friendly conversation to get to know each other. I could tell we both have very curious minds. I wanted to hear all about him and his life’s adventures.
In high school, he moved to another country for some time and was a cowboy. After that he went to college in the states. Following, he made an extended trip to a remote part of India and fell in love with the culture. When he came back to the states, he came upon a windfall amassing him a very large sum of money. Instead of squandering it, he put it to good use and started a charitable organization.
The man is basically Indiana Jones. I almost didn’t believe his story, but then discovered someone made a movie about his life. But the coup de gras was when I found out he was on Oprah. Not that she is the end all and be all, but she added legitimacy to his story no one else could equal. I was honored a man of this caliber was interested in being my friend.
We talked about the celebrities he’s worked with and the good he’s done in the world. In the back of my mind, all I could think about was the medium in which I met this amazing man. To anyone who says Grindr is simply a hookup, I feel you are sorely mistaken. Grindr is what you make it. It is simply the medium for communication. You choose the messages you send.
After I finished watching the movie, I called him on the phone to chat more. I was purely fascinated. Before hanging up, I made plans with him to grab a drink the following night. He agreed to come to Hoboken, as he had to travel to Edgewater to meet a friend. We would find a nice quiet bar to grab a glass of wine and chat. I was elated. The following night, I texted him to confirm our plans, but those plans would have to change…
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Déjà vu
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 17, 2011
Thursday night, after my usual volleyball game, I grabbed my roommates and took them to my favorite local watering hole. It was going to be the perfect drama-free night I needed. We were gonna have fun! I invited N, but he had plans to go to dinner with friends and said he had to be at work at 6am.
However, we arrived at the bar only to find it DEAD. No one was out. We didn’t let that get us down. I took the opportunity to introduce the new roommates to all the bartenders, bouncers and even the manager. I went to this bar every weekend, and they treated me like family. I wanted my roommates to be shown the same love. The bartenders poured us drinks all night, and we all got properly drunk. We were also dancing up a storm with the five other people in the bar.
All night long, I was getting texts from Mr. Grindr. He was out and wanted to know what I was up to. Turned out, he was at the bar next door. I told him to come by, but he didn’t. When it was about closing time, I told him to come over to my apartment. He was a little weirded out because I was walking with my roommates, but I told him they were cool. He met us when we were halfway to the apartment. I hung back from the roommates and chatted him up on the walk home. He wanted to know why I wasn’t calling to hang out. I said the same thing back to him. If he wanted to hang out, he could just as easily pick up the phone and call me. I wasn’t all that thrilled about hanging out with him, but I wasn’t opposed to exploring the benefits of being friends.
When we got back to my room, of course the conversation started to revolve around N because he was texting him once again while he laid in my bed. For some reason, Mr. Grindr felt the need to show me some of the texts N was sending. One jumped at me. It said “baby boy” in it. Another little piece of my heart broke at that moment because that was something N called me all the time. I thought it was a term of affection he used towards me, but apparently it also went for guys he was trying to have sex with. Looks like I was simply one of those guys after all. When Mr. Grindr didn’t respond to the texts, N responded, “Well. Have fun with whoever you’re with.” Mr. Grindr suggested a threesome at this point. “If you think that’s happening, you’re nuts!” I responded.
Mr. Grindr told me he felt weird again because he had been talking to N before he even met me. Once again, I imagined they would have hooked up sooner if both weren’t in the closet to their roommates.
We started hooking up and things got hot. We had sex multiple times that night. At one point, he tried to insert himself with great force without any preparation. I’m not a fan of being a bottom to begin with, but this was unbearable. I nearly flung him off the bed and ran into the bathroom to make sure I was alright. That certainly was not going to happen again. I decided right then and there, that was going to be a prize possession only a special few would receive in the future.
In between sessions, we had a conversation about him staying or leaving for the night. We also somehow got on the topic of his parents being in the middle of a divorce and the issues it was bringing up for him. He was drunk, but the conversation was getting heavy beyond my comfort zone. He also mentioned something to the effect of him wanting to invite me to his brother’s wedding in the coming week. I quickly changed the subject because that was NOT going to happen, and I had no idea where that came from. We ended up both falling asleep and him spending the night. He certainly liked to cuddle and spoon. The next morning, he woke up and had to rush home to get ready for work. I texted him after he left, mentioning us grabbing a drink a the bar sometime, and he agreed. This was the last time I saw him, and I don’t plan to see him again. He carried a lot of baggage I didn’t want to get into.
I hopped on Grindr to see who messaged me overnight. I noticed N was signed on and only a few feet away. So much for being at work at 6am. He didn’t owe me an explanation, but he was starting to really show the pattern of a pathological liar. I don’t know why he even felt the need to lie. He could have said, “I don’t feel like going to the bar tonight, but thanks.” I would still try to be his good friend, but trust would always be an issue between us.
Ironically, I found solace through this whole breakup in a Beyoncé song. I found the lyrics exceptionally poignant. If you’ve gone through a recent breakup, I highly suggest listening to it.
The next day I felt myself feeling empty from my recreational sex. I spent 26 years masturbating. It was nice to have sex on demand, but it was emotionless and empty. I didn’t like who I was becoming. I needed to change. I decided then and there I wanted to find a boyfriend, and I needed to stop trying to fill the void in my life with meaningless sex.
That weekend, many of my friends went away. N went down to the Jersey Shore, and I was jealous. I was unhappy and lonely. I needed to learn how to be alone again. That night, I went to bed and had many dreams about men and Grindr. This proved it was consuming my life. I needed to cut back, or I would become one of the gay men I despise so much…
Follow @onegayatatimeA Role Reversal
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 16, 2011
After all the drama between N and NC, I still hadn’t heard the end of it. These two really knew how to get under each other’s skin after one awkward hookup. I think it’s because they pretty much are the same person. I didn’t quite get it. But I also had nothing to do with it, so I didn’t need to get into it.
“I’m extremely p*ssed off at that prissy prick,” N typed to me. I told him he shouldn’t let it get to him. It’s over. He’s just one person. “I can’t stand him!” he replied. I tried to console him by telling him, “Well luckily you don’t have to deal with him anymore… You blocked him and he’s in another state.”
We changed the subject to talk about the night before. He asked how yoga was. I explained that yoga was cancelled, so I went out for the night. “Where’d you go? Get sh*t-faced? A date ?!?!?” he asked. I told him I just stayed in Hoboken, and I was trying to curb my drinking. “Gonna ignore the date question?” he replied. Quite frankly, I was ignoring the date question. It was none of his business. I recognized our situation and the heightened sensitivity, so I didn’t feel the need to get into it with him. Why did he need to know so badly if I was on a date. So I decided I was going to test the waters. I wasn’t on a date at all. I went to the movies with my good friend D. But, there was no reason I couldn’t insinuate a date. I wasn’t lying. I wanted to know where N’s head was at.
“Sorry… Didn’t see the question. I dunno what you’d call it,” I said, playing dumb. Then he decided to dig deeper: “Did you guys go out or did you go over his house?When I got home and turned my phone on I saw you were on Grindr. You were a # of ft. farther than your house.” Wow! Was he stalking me now? I know I did the same thing before, but I never let him know that until we broke up, and I used it as information to get him to tell me the truth about what he was doing and where he was going when we were still dating. “Are you Grindr stalking me?” I asked.
“R E L A X,” he answered. Trying to keep things light, I said, “Hahahah. That was said with a smile.” I have to admit, I was having a little fun here. We were broken up a week now, and I was enjoying witnessing him go through some of the same crap I went through weeks earlier. “When I’m home, you’re usually the first/second guy to show up from my favorites,” he said, trying to make an excuse for himself. I told him I didn’t go to his house, and I didn’t meet him on Grindr. I didn’t really appreciate all the comments he was making about me on Grindr lately, however. I know his sarcastic style, but he should have known how they would be received in our relationship’s climate. “You’re starting to make me sound like I’m a Grindr whore…” I stated.
Then he got defensive and said he never assumed we met on Grindr or went to his house. This is where the conversation started going downhill fast.
Me: But you asked if I went to his house…
N: So? You’re the one that told me you went to someone’s house the last face to face we had, so I asked.
Me: Haha. That wasn’t the last face to face we had. And I never said I went to someone’s house. And, if I recall you told me you went to someone’s house in the same conversation. Wait… Sorry. That was catty. Please ignore that. That has no relevance in this convo. Sorry.
N: Yeah, you can eventually be a catty c*nt when we’re further away from what we just went through and better best friends, but now — calm down the CCness. But don’t apologize.
Me: I don’t ever want to be a catty c*nt. Not who I am. I really didn’t mean that. I don’t know why I even brought it up. Just seems like you were asking a lot of ?s. So anyway… How was your last night?
Once again, I found myself trying to change the subject to something more neutral. It was frustrating we had to go through this every time we talked. I hoped desperately things would change, and we would get to a civil place. I wanted to be his friend. I liked his company and enjoyed spending time with him. He was a great guy to be around. But, he did a lot of sh*t to hurt me, and I would need to learn not to resent him if this was going to work. Hopefully, with time, it would.
He brought the conversation back to my night out: “So tell me about this guy… If we’re going to be friends…” I really didn’t want to tell him about it, even if I really did have a date. I said, “We’ll get there… We’re not there yet. Sorry.”
I asked him how his day was going, and he complained about his boss. “Other than that, a guy at the gym freaked me out by walking into my shower and me going to the front desk in a towel about it…” he said.
WHAT!? This could only happen to N. I never heard such stories from someone about the gym, especially in Hoboken. Was I that naive to the gay world. Was all this crap happening right under my nose? Or was this not the norm and something that happened only to people who provoked such behavior. I asked if he ever interacted with the guy before? “Maybe I looked at him while working out once? He was older and Spanish,” he responded. It was completely creepy. I’m learning more every day how often this sort of behavior happens, but it is still a complete turnoff for me. It made me quite glad I don’t make eye-contact at the gym and have never witnessed any behavior like that. “Your stories have made me never want to go to the downtown Hoboken gym again! I exclaimed. “I’d feel dirty just walking in the door.”
I told him I don’t quite get it. He didn’t really have a “gay air” about him, and it’s not that he wasn’t attractive. But still, how do they know he’s not straight and going to turn around and deck them. I feel I’m at least fairly attractive, and no one ever acted this way towards me. His response: “I guess I look at guys? Maybe he’s seen me on Grindr?”
At this point we both went to lunch, but later in the day, I got another message from him. “Thanks you tall ass bro you. Going on dates with boys…. Psssshaaa. LOL. JK. I’m being silly because I’m in a food coma.” REALLY!? Are we still really not over me going out with one guy. At least I knew where things stood, even if there never was a date to begin with. He was fired up for some reason, but he wasn’t explaining why. And then he did.
He typed, “Btw. I’m gonna send you a picture, and I don’t want you to respond to it. I just want you to know that I took offense to it. I’m not judging you or holding it against you.” Just then he sent me a passage from my blog. “Sorry I couldn’t do it for you, and you had to resort to your spank bank. And our sexual chemistry? Are you kidding me? I don’t want to talk about it. I’m over it.” He was insulted because I said we didn’t have a perfect sex-life.
I reminded him this was something we discussed earlier and suggested we discuss it again because he was reading it out of context. I said, “Things weren’t always perfect… We were 2 tops… Not easy for either of us to ‘take’ for example.” He interrupted me and asked that we not talk about it, but I wasn’t on board with that. He didn’t get to say his piece to me and then drop it. He had to let me explain. I told him it wasn’t fair. He jumped in and said, “Um…. What’s not fair is referring to our intimate relationship for all the world to read, regardless of not disclosing any personal name information.” I reminded him of our earlier conversation about this and how he didn’t care if I continued to write the blog. “At the time I said that I didn’t think you and I were going to be in the position we are now. Fine, continue,” he said.
I began again: “It takes time to build sexual chemistry. We were learning what turned each other on. We were exploring. The sex was good.” He asked me to try to explain the context of resorting to my “spank bank” to get me over my “final hump,” why we didn’t have “amazing sexual chemistry,” and how I thought he “felt the same way.” “All the while no less than one paragraph right before you go on to explain one of the best Os of my life,” he added.
I began once again, “Ok. The spank bank… We talked about this. You talked about thinking about the best porn that turned me on when we were hooking up. That’s what I was doing. When I was with you I was always there. Always in the moment. Did I have to think about how hot it would be if we hooked up in a locker room shower like I had seen in a porno sometimes? Yes. Yes I did. I don’t want you to think I wasn’t enjoying having sex with you. To be honest, if it wasn’t good, we prob wouldn’t have been having it nearly as often.”
He interrupted, “Well, I’ll tell you that’s the way you come off. And, I don’t really want to think about it anymore.”
I told him, “You’re taking offense to it, when it’s just the reality of beginning to have sex with a new person. You have to learn from each other and find what makes the other guy go crazy. That is all I meant by that comment. If I didn’t like having sex with you, do you think I would have tried to drag you to my room last week? That’s all I’m going to say about it… I just wanted you to let me explain.” He responded, “Thank you for explaining. This topic is closed from my perspective now.”
We talked some more, and I tossed out the idea of going out to dinner some night, just as friends. He responded well and said that would definitely be something he’d be interested in.
Of course, he didn’t bring my clothes over that night once again. Also, that night it was my turn to stalk him on Grindr. He wasn’t home like he said he was going to be. Later, I found out he went to dinner with a friend. He probably did something with his “friend” since he didn’t seem to come home according to Grindr, but that was no longer any of my concern. And it didn’t bother me one bit (other than I wanted my clothes back).
And me. What was I doing? For the first time in months, I went back on manroulette. I felt pathetic. How did I resolve myself to that site for so long. That would probably be the last time I visited the site, if even just for the sake of my ego.
Follow @onegayatatimeStuck in the Middle with You
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 15, 2011
Just when I thought I removed myself form the drama between N and NC, I got sucked right back in.
NC and I had grown a bit closer since he moved away. I forgave him for all the roommate games he played, and he became one of my confidants. I don’t have many gay friends, so I try to hold onto the few that come into my life.
NC told me he was going to confront N about deleting him on Facebook. “Effin [NC] messages me. What a joke,” N gChatted to me. I told him I already knew, but I also told him I knew he sold me out to NC. “I said that I deleted him bc we’re not friends. Friends don’t lie to other people about their friends. He asked how he lied. I said ask you and ask [his coworker], because I’m not getting into it with him. That it’s not worth my time,” he retorted.
It’s fine if he had beef and didn’t want to deal with him, but he didn’t need to throw his coworker and I under the bus. “But, now you drug me into the middle of it cause he’s asking me how he lied,” I said. “Sh*t!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t even think about that when I said it. I was just so taken back by his gall that I just said it without thinking. I’m sorry. F! I didn’t even think of it.”
I was very annoyed with him. Damn right he didn’t think of it. He didn’t think at all before opening his mouth. “Ughhhh! I managed to repair things with him… Cause I’m a forgiving person… Hopefully this blows over…” I typed. It was damage control time. I was legitimately worried NC would be p*ssed at me for opening my mouth. Luckily, NC wasn’t phased by any of this, and somehow I managed to smooth things over with NC fairly quickly. But, I wasn’t going to tell N that right away. Let him feel bad for a little after dragging me into the drama.
N started texting me. “In a meeting but cant get over this. I’m very sorry I brought you up! I got very aggravated and lost my collectiveness for those moments.” Good. He felt really bad. What he did was wrong. I did my damage control, but what about his coworker? When he came back to his computer, he felt the need to elaborate on the full story. I pretty much already knew it from NC. I was already moving on to talk to Boston in the background. My one sane outlet in the gay world. My gay guru. I was filling him in on all my drama, and I could just picture him shaking his head in disapproval.
N elaborated, “I said ‘Just know you shouldn’t lie to people about things you do with others or the way interactions go on between you and someone else. It’s unattractive and makes you look like an as$hole.’ His response: ‘So is taking bathroom pictures of yourself of your new “beach-ready?” body and using it on facebook… Get a life dude. Your such a drama queen.’ Am I offended? Kinda. Does it bother me? A little. Am I drama queen? IDK.” Once again, he delivered a very off-color insult I didn’t need to hear.
I needed out. This was not my battle. I needed to get back to Switzerland status. He continued to talk, “I said ‘LOL. Good luck in life. Hopefully you’ll finding Mr. Right Now in Atlanta. How did you “repair” things with him and what was there to repair?’ ” I told him I needed to go so I could finish my work and make it to yoga. I already checked out of this drama long ago. He mentioned he would come to yoga that night. It would probably be good for him to calm down after all this drama. He also promised to bring over the clothes he borrowed from me after yoga.
Of course, he neither showed up to yoga nor brought over my clothes. Flaked once again. The next morning, I got a text explaining, “Hey you. I didn’t get in until 1:30. I went out for my friend’s birthday. I’ll bring them over tonight if you’re not busy. I’m batting 1000 with you.” Yea… he really was. This friendship thing wasn’t really working for me, but I would just sit back and be patient for the drama to end.
Follow @onegayatatimePetty Games
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 12, 2011
On the Monday, following my trip to the Jersey Shore, I didn’t want much to do with N. I embarrassed myself the previous week by getting obliterated and trying to drag him to my room days after we broke up. And then, while in Belmar, we managed to create a situation once again. It was too much drama. I remembered the days I carried no drama. Those certainly were the days. I needed to find a way back to my drama-free days.
The night before, N texted me. I didn’t feel the need to respond, considering he wasn’t responding to me when I was asking him about coming to the beach. But come Monday morning, sure enough, I got a gChat message from him: “Morning. Did you ignore my texts on purpose.” Of course I did, but I wasn’t about to open up that door. I told him I was busy the night before. He responded, “It’s ok. I was worried you were very mad at me for Sat night.” Of course, I was over Saturday night. I cursed him out for it, we talked about it, and I moved on. I was still annoyed he never got back to me about the beach. “How come you never came to the beach?” He told me it was because his roommate didn’t get back until 2:00, so he hopped on the 3:30 train. “I didn’t feel like staying. I was tired,” he said. “And then you went dark,” I responded. Of course he couldn’t extend the common courtesy of telling me this information the day of.
Then he took the conversation where I didn’t think it was going to go. “Busy as in boy busy?!?!?” Where did he get off? There was no way he was asking out of the goodness of his heart because he wanted to ensure my happiness. And, of course I wasn’t about to tell him about my date, especially since it was a bad one. I didn’t need to open up that can of worms. So, I lied: “And no, I wasn’t boy busy… I was unpacking and repacking and getting ready for work. And, I was doing laundry and talking with my roommate.”
I tried to change the subject as fast as possible. “And I’m sorry again for the ‘f*ck you.’ ” He responded, “Don’t be. It’s not your fault I acted like a scum bag and did one or two things I shouldn’t have.” It was nice to hear him take responsibility for his actions. This was a definitive change. Maybe we could be friends after all.
Then I mentioned to him that NC noticed he deleted him on Facebook and blocked him on gChat. “Good for him. I could care less,” was his response. I apologized and told him not to shoot the messenger. I never should have gotten involved. I have no idea why I did. Then he went on to insult NC on a very low level. I understand he was angry, but he was delivering some low blows all over a few discrepancies in a hookup story.
Then, N said, “You should go ahead and let him know why.” I told him I wasn’t getting in the middle of it. That was a lie. I already got myself in the middle, but at this point I wanted out. More drama I did not need in my life. “I shouldnt have brought it up! I’m sorry.”
I tried to change the subject once again. This time to his roommate and the reason she came home so late. I also had a friend I wanted to set her up with. We talked about it a bit and finally found a topic of conversation to have a civil conversation.
Just when I thought we were finally moving forward. Finally moving on. Finally going to be friends, N went and ruined any progress we made. Tuesday I woke up to the text, “Morning! Sorry to interrupt your grinding this morning, lol, but I was thinking about something last night.” I happened to leave my Grindr on overnight. I do this periodically to cast out the net to see what I catch by the morning. I hadn’t even checked Grindr yet. “I just got out of the shower. What’s up?” I replied. I didn’t appreciate what he was insinuating, but I let it slide.
I wasn’t expecting what came next. “Our pictures and video together… LOL We’re making sure those are secure, right?” he asked. One night when we were hooking up, N turned on the camera on my computer. I explained to him that the video never saved and there was only one picture. I deleted it. “After I posted and tagged it on Facebook, of course,” I joked.
We were done with that line of conversation, so I decided to check my Grindr messages. I text N back telling him he has a doppelganger on grindr. “Who? Send me the link. I’ll be online in 5.” When I got to work, he was asking me all about his doppelganger. I described him, “He’s near Hoboken. Name is M. He’s 21 so he looks like your little brother.”
Over lunch, I went to the gym. As I was coming back out to the street, I saw a text from N: “Is this M?” He sent me a screengrab of a man’s chest. N is latino. I laughed and responded, “Nope! That looks nothing like you. He’s a white dude. M has a face pic and is 21.”
Then he made another comment referencing myself and Grindr. “Oh, I didn’t know you were that versed in the men on Grindr. Guess you’ve spoken with him before.” This time I wasn’t going to let it slide. Not two days in a row. This isn’t the kind of friendship I was seeking. He wasn’t going to undercut me and I would just sit by and take it. “Don’t be an as$hole!” Apparently he didn’t think he said anything out of line because his response was, “Uggghhmmmmmm, okay. LOL.”
I went off: “Not that I need to explain myself to you, but I’ve never spoken to him. He popped up on my screen last night, and I thought it was funny that he looked like you… that’s all.” And then he made it worse by insinuating I was overreacting. And maybe I was a little bit, but he had to know this was a sensitive time. We were just beginning to navigate a new friendship. “Wow! Sorry I said anything!”
I needed to defend myself. “Your comment had a lot of undertones I don’t appreciate.” He retorted, “My comment was a joke. I’m sarcastic. You know this. Sorry I said anything about it to you.” I wasn’t going to let him act like I was the one out of line. Again, the drama was starting, and I wanted no part of it! “It’s fine,” I responded.
If this was the type of friendship N wanted, then I wasn’t on-board. I didn’t need him in my life if all he was going to do was cause me headaches. I really had a good time hanging out with him when we were dating, but he’d need to learn how to be a real friend if this was going to work. None of my other friends treated me htis way, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him.
Follow @onegayatatimeWhen It Rains, It Pours
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 10, 2011
The next morning, I woke up and felt bad about what I said the night before. I texted N, “Sorry I blew up.” He quickly responded, “Yea.” I didn’t want to just leave it at that, however. I wanted to explain where it came from in hopes of avoiding the situation in the future. “You were kissing all over me last night. I’m still trying to figure this out. Regardless, I was out of line…” I said.
Immediately, he got defensive. “I kissed your cheek n shoulder? I was wrong? Lest you forget you invited me to your bedroom two nights prior.” I didn’t want this to escalate into an argument, so I tried to calm him down. “I didn’t say you were wrong. I just said I’m still trying to figure this out.”
Then he hit me with a blindside I wasn’t expecting. “Don’t take me the wrong way when I say this because you know how I feel about you… But maybe it’s too soon for us to be friends?” I didn’t want to hear this. “No. I don’t want to take a step back that far. I get it. We’re not a fit. I can control myself…” I responded. He tried explaining himself as well by noting, “I don’t know if we are a fit or not, it’s just not the right time.”
The conversation had come full circle. I stated, “We’ll do our own thing and we’ll still be friends. It’s cool.” He apologized, “I’m very sorry if I led you on last night.” I replied, “It’s cool. No apologies necessary. We’re cool… At least on my end…” To which he said, “We’re cool here too big guy! Always.”
When I wrapped up my conversation with N, I turned my attention back to the man I was chatting with on Grindr the night prior, a hot construction worker from Queens, NY. He was awake and responding. I talked to him about the possibilities for the day. I wanted to find some way to meet him, and I wanted sex. He was hot, and I was horny. I had the hotel room until 10:00. My sister and K had already gone home. I knew D and his girlfriend and I would be heading to the beach for the day. I could double back to the room if I could get this guy to meet me before 10:00.
No dice. He was still with his friends and he couldn’t get them moving. In the meantime, I started getting hit on by another guy on Grindr. He was younger and good looking, so I started to respond. I was holding a conversation simultaneously with both of them. I managed to convince the hot construction worker to gather his buddies and come to the beach in Belmar. They were going to grab breakfast and head over. He told me the other two guys he was with didn’t know he was gay, so he would have to sneak away at some point.
As I made my way to the beach for our final day at the shore, the younger guy told me he and his friends were coming to Belmar to go to the beach as well. I responded with our street number and told him I’d meet up when he arrived.
I sat on the beach laughing out loud. D and his girlfriend asked what was up. I told them all about N from the night before, but also how two different guys were coming to the beach to meet up. Just then, N started responding to my text messages and told me he and his roommate would come to Belmar from Manasquan to go to the beach. He just had to wait for his roommate to come home. At his point, I was laughing my ass off. I had two guys from Grindr coming to meet me, and the guy I just broke up with would probably be there to witness the whole thing.
After some time passed, I got a text from the younger guy telling me he was on the beach. I texted the construction worker to see if he arrived yet. He was the main target. The younger guy was a fallback. The construction worker texted back. He was just stepping onto the beach. I turned around to the entrance to see him. I paid attention to where he set up camp.
Later in the day, I noticed the younger guy walking around. He walked right in front of me. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to meet him just yet. I thought I would wait for the construction worker first since he was much sexier. After he went to the back end of the beach, he called me. I picked up and turned around to notify him of my location. D and his girlfriend both left to grab food, so at least I didn’t have an audience when I met him. He came up next to me, and we formally introduced ourselves.
He was a really nice guy. He is from near where I grew up. I asked him what he was doing at the shore. He told me he was staying with his two friends. He told me they went to Paradise, a gay bar in Asbury Park the night before. He also told me he felt like a bit of a third wheel because the other two guys he was with kinda had a thing for each other. After we chatted for a bit, D came back and the guy decided to head back to his friends. He said he’d swing by again later before he left.
I watched as he walked back to his towel. I thought to myself, “What a coincidence! He’s sitting right near the construction worker.” The irony.
I couldn’t have expected what was coming next. The construction worker, the younger guy and the other random dude all walked down to the water together. They were talking and periodically glancing in my direction. I tried not to make eye contact. I went through all the logistics in my head and stories were not lining up. The construction worker told me his friends didn’t know he was gay. The younger guy told me he had a thing for the random dude. I was willing to bet the construction worker was the one fabricating the story. Nonetheless, they were all together.
When they all went back to their towels, I texted the construction worker and asked him if he was going to meet me. He agreed to go for a walk, and I would follow right behind. When I caught up to him, I introduced myself. We talked a bit. He apologized for not being able to meet up earlier. It was very awkward and slightly forced. Then I told him, “Grindr is a small world.” I brought up meeting his friend, the younger guy. He played dumb and acted like he didn’t know he was gay, only suspected it. I wasn’t buying his BS, but he was hot! I wanted a piece of that action, even if I had to wait until we were both back up north. We chatted about a few bars in the city. I was very turned off when he made the comment, “I hate the faggot bars. They’re not my scene, but when you go to the straight bars, the drinks are so weak.” I agreed with him and we discussed a few good place in the New York City to go to. He was trying to be someone he wasn’t, and I wasn’t impressed. As we got closer to our beach, we walked our separate ways. We talked about when we were leaving and left meeting up later open for discussion.
When I got back to my towel I texted N and his roommate. I assumed at that point he and his roommate were not going to show, but I thought I’d offer him a ride home with D and I. N didn’t respond, but his roommate told me N already gone home on the train. She was going to stay in Manasquan. I found it a little disrespectful after talking to N all day about hanging out on the beach he never told me he was going home. This was becoming standard protocol for him though. It would be something I needed to get used to.
On the ride home, I texted the construction worker. I wanted to see if he wanted to swing by my place on his way back to Queens. I got a few messages back at first, but then he went completely dark. When I arrived home, I texted him one last time. “Hey man. If you’re not interested, let me know. I have thick skin and don’t want to bother you if you’re not interested.” He responded back telling me I just wasn’t his type. I could respect that, and we each texted each other, “Ok. Good luck…”
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 