Posts Tagged beach
So When Are You Moving Back to New York?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 9, 2012
Finally, work sent me somewhere fun, and I was taking full advantage. I stayed out in LA, managed to have some fun, and even managed to find myself a pretty great guy, The Navigator, to hit up the beach with. After swinging by his apartment, we agreed we weren’t done hanging out.
We made our way back to my hotel. After we turned off his street, I came to a stoplight. I took the opportunity to reach over and put my hand on his leg. He immediately responded positively to my advances. He reached down and laid his hand on top of mine and gave it a squeeze. We continued to hold hands the entire way back to the hotel.
We made our way to the room, and when we arrived, we quickly got comfortable with each other. We dropped our bags and laid down on the bed. We chatted a bit before he reached over, pulled me in, and we exchanged a long deep passionate kiss. When we finally came back up for air, I said to him, “I’ve been waiting to do that all day long!” He smiled from ear to ear and pulled me right back in for another deep kiss. He was a great kisser — Not just a good kisser, but a great kisser.
Was there anything wrong with this guy? He certainly wasn’t going to make leaving easy on me. I still had to keep myself in check. This thing would have an end. I couldn’t grow too attached, or I would be in for a world of pain.
The thing I liked most about the chemistry between us was how playful we were. There was no drama. We were just having fun. Everything was so easy. We cuddled and talked and tickled and joked. I felt incredibly comfortable with him. We just seemed to be on the same page about everything. He was certainly giving me hope that I could find a guy out there who I just clicked with right off the bat.
All day long, he had been texting with his friend giving him updates on our “date” as he so-called it on the beach. While we laid there he teased his friend about how good-looking I was, but lied and told him I’d just dropped him off at home while I listened on speaker phone. The exchange between the three of us was very comical and flirtatious. He showed me pictures of the guy we were talking to, and we sent pictures of me to his friend. We all had a good laugh, and his friend asked for continued updates.
The kissing slowly turned into making out. The making out evolved into heavy petting. The heavy petting became stripping. The stripping led to oral pleasures. And finally, the oral pleasures led to me learning he is versatile, which of course led to penetration. My provisions weren’t presumptuous at all. I suspect he noticed my condom/lube purchase at CVS, and this is what gave him the courage to propose going back to my hotel room.
The sex wasn’t the most amazing because I was having difficulties with the condom, but it certainly wasn’t bad. We were passionately enjoying each other on many levels.
After we had sex, we laid next to each other talking more. We attempted to take some pictures together to send his friend, but we couldn’t keep our eyes open because the flash was too bright. After our romp in the sheets and copious amounts of cuddling, I was hungry. I remembered an In-and-Out burger down the street. It was 1am, and they were one of the few places still open, so we got dressed and made our way there to grab dinner.
We took our food back to the room and had a picnic in my bed. We talked and made plans to go hiking the following day. The whole night, all I could think about was how crazy it was I even met him. It was even crazier how we both dove in headfirst. He even mentioned being worried I might be a serial killer for the first couple of minutes in the car. After we finished eating, I jokingly confirmed he was staying. He went to his bag and got changed and broke out his toothbrush. It seems he may have been presumptuous as well in packing his bag.
I didn’t care one bit. I was thrilled to be sharing my bed with such a great man. I only wished it was for a longer-term basis…
Follow @onegayatatimeNo Day at the Beach
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 5, 2012
For one, I was really enjoying the company of my new friend, The Navigator. Secondly, the weather was amazing. I couldn’t have been happier to be away from the cold weather on the East Coast.
Contrary to my plan, the weather wasn’t fully cooperative. The closer we got to the coast, the cloudier and colder it got. I didn’t care how cold it was, I was not putting the top on the convertible back up. I did, however, turn the heat up. That kept us cozy while we acclimated to the new weather pattern.
We drove around for a little before finally finding a parking spot. We walked to the beach, and we spread out the blanket I asked him to bring. He sat down, and he started pulling out the other provisions he brought — A bottle of Sprite, a bottle of Absolut, and some snacks and granola bars. I think I was falling in love. He was spontaneous and courteous. I added the provisions I grabbed at the gas station to the pool.
We sat next to each other commenting on how much the weather deteriorated and chatting about some of the surfers. We were among sparse company. The only other people brave enough to hit the sand that day were the surfers we both scoped out.
We relaxed and the conversation from the car continued. He talked about his family and his background. I learned he was a Jehovah’s Witness. He wasn’t very passive in his faith either. He had the prestigious honor to attend a bible college in Brooklyn. While there, through a slip up, it was discovered he is gay. He was excommunicated from the religion and has very limited contact with his family.
My heart was breaking to hear this sad story. He was an incredible man for surviving all that, and even more impressive for his comfort telling this to virtually a complete stranger. I told him about my religion, and my new outlook on it. I told him about my conversation with my mother on Christmas Eve, even though it was nothing compared to what he went through.
As if his story couldn’t be more complicated, I learned his brother is also gay and struggling with his religion. He was actually finding men online and hooking up with them at rest stops until he was nearly caught by police. His brother chose to take a different route in dealing with this. The Navigator tried to suppress his homosexuality with the aid of his religious elders, but came to accept who he is. His brother was not as fortunate to have the mental confidence to know himself. He was going through conversion classes to help him become heterosexual. They were trying to brainwash him. My skin was crawling at the sound of this.
After leaving his religion, he moved around a lot. One move was for a man, but obviously that didn’t work out. He’d been in LA for roughly a year and was still settling in.
I was really enjoying his company. We took turns making trips to the restroom, and when he stood to walk away, I took the opportunity to check him out. In the back of my head, a voice was screaming, “Be careful! You’re on vacation. You can’t fall for another West Coaster!” My heart was not going to be so easily convinced. I was cautiously proceeding. I really liked this guy. If he lived in New York, we’d definitely be dating. He was just what I was looking for. A masculine man who had his life together and knew what he wanted in life.
When we sufficiently froze our a$ses off, we hopped back in the car and made our way back inland. While we drove back to Glendale, I realized I’d already used up all my condoms and almost all the lube. I would need to stop for provisions along the way, but it wasn’t going to be easy with The Navigator with me. I decided to stop at a CVS. While he looked for the bathroom, I looked for the condoms and lube. I told him I needed to buy sunscreen, which I did, but that was very low on the priority list.
When I finally found what I needed, I realized they were under lock and key. I had to push a button that made the announcement, “Assistance needed in the family planning department.” Family planning couldn’t be further from what I was looking for. The irony was killing me. As Broadway always joked, “Butt babies don’t live.” I wondered what I’d done recently to deserve this karma. It was going to be nearly impossible to pull this off without him seeing what I was purchasing.
Someone came to unlock the case, and he turned his head in an attempt to give me my privacy. That was long gone. I grabbed what I needed and quickly walked to the checkout counter. Of course, when I arrived, there was a long line. I took my place in line behind an old man and hoped The Navigator was still looking for the restrooms.
I was next in line. Maybe I was going to get away with this after all. It wasn’t in the cards for me. The old man in front of me was taking FOREVER! Every second that passed was nerve-wracking. I didn’t want him to see what I was purchasing because it may have been perceived presumptuous.
Just then, he walked up behind me. My cover was blown. I tried to hide the products in the crooks of my crossed arms, but there’s a really good chance he saw what I had. Of course, this was also the moment the next register opened up. I walked up and purchased my items. I paid, and we walked back to the car without mentioning what I bought at all.
We talked the whole ride back to his apartment. When I turned onto his street, he turned to me and said, “Sooo, do you want to hang out some more?” Without hesitation, I shouted, “Yes!” He asked if I want to go back to my hotel room and hang out, and I agreed that was a great idea!
Follow @onegayatatimeThe Navigator
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 4, 2012
In my Grindr surfing, I’d hit up more than a handful of guys. I struck up a few conversations and blocked a few I wasn’t interested in, but since I don’t pay for Grindr Xtra (I refuse to pay for the service on principle), there were a lot of guys floating around my screen in no man’s land. I casually kept a conversation going with a handful since I’d be there a few days and wanted to keep my options open.
On in particular didn’t really stand out from the crowd. We had weak conversation going — Just the pleasantries. “Hey. What’s up? What brings you to Grindr?” etc.
When I woke, I called Hertz and confirmed they would be picking me up that morning to take me to the lot. A woman drove me while I chatted some more on Grindr. Of course, when I got there they upsold me: “My only compact is at the car wash. You can wait, or for $10 more a day, you can take the convertible.” “Sold!” I exclaimed. I was like a kid in a candy store. I immediately put the top down and sped off back to my hotel. I couldn’t wait to hit the beach!
While I ate my breakfast in the hotel restaurant, I continued to poke around Grindr. I had plans to go to the beach that day, but I would be returning in the evening. Maybe I could find someone to hang out or hit up the bars.
The guy I’d briefly chatted with the previous evening messaged me once again and said, “Good morning.” We talked about what we had planned for the day. I mentioned my plans to hit up the beach when he replied, “What time should I be ready.”
A huge smile lit up my face. “How bout now?” I quickly shot back. Much to my surprise, he was just as serious as I was. “I have a few errands to run, but I can be ready at 11:00,” he added. That was in a half hour. “Perfect. I just got back from picking up my rental, and I’m eating breakfast now. Shoot me your address, and I’ll swing by around 11:00 to get you,” I said.
I gathered my beach things, hopped in the car and sped off to pick up my beach buddy. When I arrived in front, I called him, and he came out. I had only seen a few pictures, but was pleasantly surprised that he was a masculine good-looking man. This was going to be a good day!
We introduced ourselves, and I thanked him for joining me. I immediately asked him if he knew the area and told him my plans to go to Manhattan Beach. He agreed that was the best idea, but told me he had no idea how to get there. I told him he’d be playing navigator while I drove.
We talked casually about our different and similar Grindr experiences. This guy was real. He was very open about things and seemed very smart and very savvy. The longer the conversation drew on, the more I liked this guy. It was an extremely risky move to pick a stranger up in a car and spend the day with him, but it was really paying off. For once, luck was in my favor.
I learned a lot as we drove to the coast. He told me all about his job and what he wants to be doing in the future. I told him about my job, and he asked a lot of questions. He really wanted to know the intricacies of my day-to-day. It was quite apparent we were both really digging each other, and the conversation was so casual like we were friends for years.
On top of it all, he was chivalrous and super sweet. Everything he said came with a gentleman’s tone. He wasn’t self-centered, and from the stories he told, I could tell he was a popular, well-liked guy.
This was turning out to be a pretty great trip, and I was just getting started…
Follow @onegayatatimeDinner Reunion
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on February 3, 2012
Smiles and I made plans over the Christmas break to share a home-cooked meal my first full night back in town. I was greatly looking forward to it after not seeing him for a week. We’d spent a week apart before, but not over Christmas. Something about it made it tougher for me to get through.
That morning, Smiles sent me a text. He was wishing me luck on my first day back in the office after being away for some time. It was a truly sweet gesture considering how out of character this was for him. Since I left him, he was showering me with attention I didn’t normally receive. I attribute this to our conversation the night before I dropped him at the airport. That was just my assumption, but the only other factor that changed was spending time apart.
Out of the blue, in the middle of the afternoon, he picked up the phone and called me. I’d told him I had to go to the office that week, but there was little chance I would actually be working, so I guess he felt I’d have the free time to chat. It was a very welcomed distraction from my Facebook status perusal and email correspondences.
He called out of boredom. He couldn’t seem to motivate himself to work. He was still in vacation mode from being away. “My head is still at the beach,” he added. I told him there was no need to dive back into everything unless it was urgent. We all have lazy days. Why not ease back into the workload?
Before Christmas, I bought two cashmere hats from Bonobos. Smiles had mentioned interest in similar hats. I bought them just in case we made a last-minute decision to exchange presents. I could ship them back free of charge and Smiles would be none the wiser, but that seemed like a waste. I got a great deal on them considering how much he paid for the last one he purchased, so I decided I was going to ask if he wanted them. It wouldn’t be a gift — I would just be facilitating the deal.
“Are you still interested in cashmere hats, and what is your price point?” I asked. He told me anything under $80 each, which was $20 more than what I paid for them. I decided I was going to show him the hats and come clean about how I came to purchase them. I was worried I would look anxious in his eyes, but since we had our talk about where we were, I decided I needed to start being more of myself. It’s very much like me to do something slightly awkward and come clean about it. I’m very honest when it comes to things like that, shame or no shame. If he didn’t like it, then he didn’t like me.
That night after work, he came over. He texted me as he was getting on the PATH. When I didn’t hear from him for over a half hour, I tried calling and texting. I was getting no response. I wasn’t sure what happened, but I was hoping the meal wouldn’t be overdone waiting for him. Finally, he told me he’d arrived in Hoboken. When he got to my apartment, he told me he’d gotten on the wrong PATH train and ended up in Jersey City. He had to switch over and come back towards Hoboken.
I filled plates for the two of us, and we sat on the couch to eat dinner while we watched TV. Smiles loved the meal. He said it was cooked perfectly and everything was delicious. I was very proud and thrilled with how much he enjoyed it. One thing I love to do is cook for a man, especially when I get such rave reviews.
While we watched TV, my attention was constantly stolen by the reflection of headlights on the windows across the street. He kept asking what I was looking at, and when I told him, he poked fun at my inability to keep my attention fixed. We had a good laugh about it.
Smiles asked if I had any ice cream to finish our meal (you know him and his sweet tooth). I didn’t have any. We had two options. We could venture back out into the cold to pick up a pint, or we could settle for a variety of candy I had stashed in my room. He settled on the candy.
After dinner, we moved things into the bedroom. I was anxious to hop into bed with Smiles, just to feel his body against mine. I didn’t even care if it involved sex. I just wanted to be close to him. But, before we hopped into bed, I decided to bite the bullet on the hats. I explained, and he decided he wanted to keep the gray hat and have me return the black since he already had one. He gave me cash, and the transaction was complete. I was glad I didn’t just send the hats back without consulting him as many of my friends suggested (I have a habit of doing what I want even against my friends’ better judgment).
We laid in bed and exchanged random stories. We discussed how he was healing after his appendectomy. Like I said before, I was going to start being myself, so I told him the ridiculous story about my belly button. For some unknown reason, when I was in college and I got drunk, I would encourage my friends to feel my belly button. I was a swimmer so I had a flat stomach, and when I got drunk, I like the way it felt (maybe the beer pushed it out a bit). I insisted it was incredibly sexy and even took some of my friends’ finger and guided it to my belly button. I also proceeded to tell him about the time my belly button was handpicked as the body shot glass for a bachelorette party when I was in Key West. “ ‘Wow! You have the Grand Canyon of belly buttons!’ one girl shouted,” I told him. He laughed and looked at me like I was from another planet as he examined my belly button.
The rest of the night was more of the same — Lots of cuddling and chatter, but no sex. I was fine with this, as I was just happy to have him in my bed. We both brushed our teeth and climbed under the covers. I was going to bed a happy man that night, and I was looking forward to waking in the morning to a sexy man in bed next to me.
Follow @onegayatatimeHoliday Split
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 27, 2011
Thanksgiving came and went, and I didn’t see Smiles. However, it was too early in the relationship to invite him home to meet my family.
Home was relaxing and I was happy to see my family. I needed the time away from the craziness. In just a few days following Thanksgiving, I was moving.
On Thanksgiving, he called and left a message saying, “Heyyyy! What up? HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Call me later.” I didn’t get it until much later in the day because when I travel home, I am in a black hole of cell phone service.
I tried calling, but the phone rang unanswered. I decided I would try again later that evening. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t get ahold of him. I missed him.
On my way home from my aunt’s house, my sister and I decided to hit up Wal-Mart to get in early on the Black Friday deals. What a mistake! The one item I wanted was sold out in the first five minutes, and my sister needed non-Black Friday items. I stood in the front of the store witnessing the madness while she paid. I called Smiles once again, and this time he picked up.
He told me about his day and asked if I saw the pictures of the dogs on the beach he posted to Facebook. He told me everyone was relaxing and watching a movie after their turkey comas. I told him about my day with my family and my encounter with tryptophan. We talked about the insanity I was witnessing and about my shopping adventure coming the following day. He told me about his plans for the rest of the time he was out on Long Island.
My sister wanted to be back in Hoboken Saturday morning, so after a visit to my childhood babysitter for dinner, we made our way back. It was a long boring ride which I slept through most of. When I woke, we were nearing Hoboken. I called Smiles to see how his day was going.
He was home alone in front of a fireplace. Apparently his friends were all going to his ex-boyfriend’s place of business, so he decided to have an easy night staying in. I felt bad for him he was all alone, but I also knew he’d enjoy the rest and the full night’s sleep.
Saturday, I was trying not to think about Smiles. It was no use. I texted him, “Thinkin’ boutchu… Miss ya ;)” He responded with a picture of a very nice living room including a fireplace. “Dinner shall be served shortly. It’s a rough life.” I, in turn, responded with a picture of all the boxes I was packing in my room and added, “Thanks for rubbing it in. I too have a similar view ;)” “I see the resemblance,” he retorted.
Later that evening, I went out to the bar with a full pack of friends. I was trying to distract myself from the fact that I missed Smiles. It was working because I hadn’t seen many of them in quite some time. That doesn’t mean I didn’t send him a picture of the bar with the caption, “My new view.”
He sent me a picture of a dwindling fireplace with the caption, “Night time fire. Falling asleep.” With that, my phone started ringing. I walked outside so I could hold a decent conversation with him. He was home alone again and simply wanted to say goodnight.
I asked him if I could see him the following evening, Sunday, but he told me he was already booked solid. I was very disappointed because I thought I’d be getting to see him when he returned to Manhattan. He did leave a glimmer of hope we could possibly find time to meet up, but when Sunday came, the glimmer would be snuffed.
I tried to find time on Monday to see him, but once again he was busy. “Sounds like you’re booked up tomorrow, but want you/to see you. Miss you 😦 When can I see you?” I asked. He told me, “Hi. Just back into city. I think Thursday is my first night free. Would that work? Sorry it’s so far out. :(” I reminded me about my Thursday night volleyball game and my parents’ arrival to help me move into my new apartment. He then proposed the possibility of Wednesday night, but he’d have to get a ticket for me from his friend. I too had a super busy week in front of me, especially with a move on Wednesday, so that wasn’t going to work. It was looking like I wasn’t going to get to see him for some time, but I did appreciate him making an effort to see me.
I suggested we do lunch on Tuesday instead, to which he responded, “Yes. Lunches are easy.”
I was content. I wanted to see him sooner, but I could survive until lunch on Monday or Tuesday. We both have lives to live, and his career was just getting off the ground, so I didn’t want to interfere with that.
I thought back to my thoughts about inviting him home for Thanksgiving, and I realized I made the right decision. While I would have liked spending the time with him, the timing and logistics would have been awful. Introducing him to my family would have been tough and emotional. My family was already on edge, as this would be the first time celebrating Thanksgiving since the passing of my grandfather.Furthermore, I’d have to introduce him to my uber-Christian babysitter from growing up, as I couldn’t just leave him home while we all went to dinner.
Lastly, I would have sent quite a message about my thoughts regarding our relationship if I put him in the position to decline my invitation. We weren’t at the meet the parents stage, let alone the come home for the holidays stage. I made the right decision overall and was proud of myself for showing restraint.
Follow @onegayatatimeWhoring It Up in OCMD Pt. 2
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 26, 2011
On the way to Rehoboth, the guy from the run texted me. I explained the situation and his lack of commitment. At this point, I was in over my head with the hicks. I told him to meet us in Rehoboth. I needed to be rescued, and he eventually came to my rescue.
We arrived at the bar, The Purple Parrot, and he arrived about a half hour later. I noticed the guy who originally was talking to me on Grindr was laying claim to me. I overheard some alarming conversations that made me realize he expected some sexual action from me. “I swear to God, if he goes home with this guy after we brought him up here!” This was NOT happening. I clung to my new friend like white on rice.
The hicks went inside to do karaoke, and my new friend and I followed shortly after. We found a bachelorette party of the sweetest girls to entertain us. We all became good friends fast, which was perfect because the hicks were ready to leave. I explained I was going to stay and would meet up with them later in the night. The one who laid claim to me tried to hang back with us and even asked for a ride home, but when he couldn’t get a guarantee, he got p*ssed and left. Later in the night I received a text scolding me for never meeting up. I retorted explaining why, and my reasoning was that I was not a piece of meat for him to lay claim to.
We spent the rest of the night singing karaoke with our new bachelorette friends and taking lots of pictures. We had a blast. When it was getting late, he asked if I was ready to go home. He was a really sweet guy, and I had a good time with him. Even if I had to deal with the hicks for most of the night, I was happy to get away and got to spend some time with a new friend.
On the way home, I rubbed the back of his head while he drove, and we chatted. I wasn’t sure where this was going, but there was no way in hell I was having sex with anyone. He drove right past my condo when we got back to Ocean City and went straight to his place. When we entered, he was startled because he mom was still up. We hid in a side hallway until he could devise a plan. He told me I was going to be “Steve” his friend, and we walked past her up to the loft he was staying in.
Once we got up there, we started making out a bit. He pulled his pants down and started playing with himself. My pants were off, but I still had my boxers on. I decided to give him a hand. He finished all over his shirt and pretty much passed out. I was really hoping he’d be a gentleman and drive me home, but that wasn’t going to be the case. I would have to walk 2.5 miles home at 3:00am. I told him I needed to wake up in my own bed, got dressed and walked out.
At this point, I was very horny. Along my walk, I received a message from the guy who exchanged blowjobs a few nights before with the man I just left. I heard how hot he was, so I entertained the idea of meeting him. His roommate was home, so he convinced me to meet him in the dark alley behind his apartment building. When I got there, he was standing with his dick in his hand. He was really hot. We started making out. He undid my pants and gave me a blowjob. After some time, I returned the favor and then continued working with my hand. Shortly after, he finished all over the sidewalk. It was really hot. I thought I was going to receive the same treatment, but instead, he told me he had to get back inside before his roommate noticed he was gone. This was now two guys in one half hour that I helped with a “night-cap” who didn’t feel the need to reciprocate.
On the next leg of my journey, my mother called. I explained that “Will” had too much to drink once we got back to O.C., and I wanted to sleep in my own bed, so I agreed to hop on the bus. However, all the buses were packed to the gills, so I told her I was walking home. She stated, “You’re an adult and you can stay out as long as you like, but you need to tell us when you’re going to be out this late. Your father and I haven’t been able to sleep.”
The entertain myself for the rest of the 2 miles I had to go, I turned to Grindr. I had received another message from yet another hottie while I was hooking up in an alley. At this point I was a complete whore. Why not tack on another one? This guy was horny and looking for action. I explained where I was and where I was headed. I told him he could come pick me up, but asked where we could hookup. I suggested his car, but being a local, he convinced me it was cool if we hooked up on the beach. Just as I was getting to my street, he drove past me and turned towards the beach. I followed and met him by the sand.
We introduced ourselves and began to walk through the dunes. Just then, the garbage trucks were driving across the beach to empty all the cans. We stood and waited for them to finish before we started making out. He was a good kisser, and he quickly moved on to orally pleasing me. He was good. He was very good. Finally, someone was interested in my pleasure that night. After a while, he stood. I dropped his pants and returned the favor. I never hooked up on a beach before. It was an exciting new venture for me. After a while, I asked if he was a bottom. I explained I wasn’t going to have sex with him, but I wanted to grind on each other a bit. He agreed and turned around. I pressed my body against his and gave him a reach around. He finished all over the sand. It was my turn. I started to take over for myself while he played with my balls. It felt great. When I shot all over the sand, he said, “Wow. I’ve never seen anyone shoot like that before.” I replied, “Yea… That’s my hidden talent.”
After the two of us decorated the sand, we got dressed and started to walk back towards his car. We talked about why he was in O.C. and how he was moving to NYC in September. I told him to hit me up when he did. I was always looking for new friends to hang out with. We said goodbye with a kiss, and I walked home.
When I got home, I opened the door quietly and hopped into the sofa bed I was relegated to since my sister arrived. My mother came out to scold me one last time before dozing off. I felt like such a high school boy sneaking around to hookup and getting yelled at for breaking curfew.
The next morning, the last day at the beach, the guy I met on the run wanted to meet up and make up for not finishing me off the night before. This was a constant circus of juggling locations and sneaking around. It was becoming nearly impossible. The solution we came up with; he would pick me up in his car and we would hookup in his car somewhere. That somewhere turned out to be a parking garage, and that hookup turned into a blowjob for me. We both finished in the car by our own hands. He was heading home straight from there, while I was heading to the beach to meet my family. He dropped me off by the sand, and we said our goodbyes. He encouraged me to hit him up the next time I was home in Pa.
I was ashamed and embarrassed of my behavior on my vacation, but I got it all out of my system. I wasn’t planning to hookup at all, but even went as far as to do it three times in one night. What a whore! Once again, things needed to change, but I just told myself it was vacation. I was allowed to take a vacation from my morals for a week…
Follow @onegayatatimeCollection of Men
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 18, 2011
After all the drama of the week and the mindless hookup, I was ready for change. I wanted to be more present. I accumulated over 60 phone numbers of men in my phone, but had only met 9 of them at that point. I needed to fix this ratio. I needed to go on more dates and have less hookups. I also needed to find myself again.
My roommates and I decided to hit up our favorite bar. We were going to put their new connections with my favorite bartenders to good use. Once again, we had a blast, and on the way home we had a very interesting conversation.
I got into a debate with my male roommate about the perils of unprotected sex. He insisted the worry was greater for straight couples, as a baby could be the end result. I begged to differ. While bringing an unplanned child into the world can be very stressful, it certainly isn’t the end of the world. HIV can be just that if not detected and treated. It can be a life sentence just from a few minutes of pleasure. Regardless, we both agreed the perils of unprotected sex were not worth it, but we agreed to disagree about which was worse.
The conversation switched to Grindr. Both roommates couldn’t believe how easy it was for me to “meet” a guy and turn it into something more. My male roommate was jealous how easy it was to find sex, and my female roommate was jealous because of the sexy men I was talking to. I explained how both were a double-edged sword. While I had no problem finding a hot man to come over for sex, I had a very difficult time finding a man who was interested in a monogamous relationship. It is nearly impossible. I still have hope for upstanding men out there who are interested in other men, but they are becoming somewhat of a unicorn.
The next morning, while passing through the city on the way to the beach, I pulled up Grindr. Much to my surprise, my old college roommate popped up. I remembered him telling me he lived in that neighborhood, and I did know he was gay. But, I never thought about him popping up on my Grindr. When I first came out to friends, I contemplated coming out to him. He respected me enough in college to tell me early on about his homosexuality. Since I was comfortable with myself then, I thought it was only proper I told him. We talked about meeting up for drinks to catch up, but it never came to fruition.
I decided to have a little fun. I messaged him and told him I knew him. He started asking a lot of questions, and I answered them all truthfully. It was taking him a LONG time to figure out who I was. I even told him I lived with him in college. I got very specific, and he still wasn’t getting it. He started guessing names, but still wasn’t getting it. FINALLY, he figured out it was me.
We both had a good laugh. It took him from Midtown Manhattan all the way through Queens to Long Island before he figured it out. We talked about his suspicions and our interactions living together. Sophomore year we shared a room. I told him I even looked at porn with him sleeping in the bed a few feet away. He asked questions about the logistics of that, and I explained the bathroom was right next to our room, so he would have never caught me “in the act.” Also, he always slept facing the wall, which turned out to be very convenient for me! “If I only slept on my right side!” he responded.
We chatted about it some more and he joked, “I’m not gonna lie. With those big hands and your huge feet, I definitely snuck a peek here and there when you were in your boxers back then.” He was embarrassed, but I thought it was hilarious. I was also very flattered. I referred him to my blog to catch up on my gay life so far. He said he was going to read it and then realized, “This conversation is going to end up on there, isn’t it?” I told him of course it would. He suggested I leave out some parts, such as him checking me out, but I explained those were the best ones.
I was happy to reconnect with him and we chatted a bit more. We joke about the gay resident director for our living quarters. He had a crush on my roommate, while I suspect his boyfriend had a crush on me. His boyfriend is a police officer in the local city and followed me home on more than one occasion just to say hi. We had some more good laughs and agreed we need to grab a drink together soon.
I was happy to be fostering better relationships on Grindr, as opposed to the unsubstantial ones I currently had. I needed to work harder at it, but I still had hope of finding the right guy. I will have to date half the city, but in time, Prince Charming will find me…
Follow @onegayatatimeWhen It Rains, It Pours
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 10, 2011
The next morning, I woke up and felt bad about what I said the night before. I texted N, “Sorry I blew up.” He quickly responded, “Yea.” I didn’t want to just leave it at that, however. I wanted to explain where it came from in hopes of avoiding the situation in the future. “You were kissing all over me last night. I’m still trying to figure this out. Regardless, I was out of line…” I said.
Immediately, he got defensive. “I kissed your cheek n shoulder? I was wrong? Lest you forget you invited me to your bedroom two nights prior.” I didn’t want this to escalate into an argument, so I tried to calm him down. “I didn’t say you were wrong. I just said I’m still trying to figure this out.”
Then he hit me with a blindside I wasn’t expecting. “Don’t take me the wrong way when I say this because you know how I feel about you… But maybe it’s too soon for us to be friends?” I didn’t want to hear this. “No. I don’t want to take a step back that far. I get it. We’re not a fit. I can control myself…” I responded. He tried explaining himself as well by noting, “I don’t know if we are a fit or not, it’s just not the right time.”
The conversation had come full circle. I stated, “We’ll do our own thing and we’ll still be friends. It’s cool.” He apologized, “I’m very sorry if I led you on last night.” I replied, “It’s cool. No apologies necessary. We’re cool… At least on my end…” To which he said, “We’re cool here too big guy! Always.”
When I wrapped up my conversation with N, I turned my attention back to the man I was chatting with on Grindr the night prior, a hot construction worker from Queens, NY. He was awake and responding. I talked to him about the possibilities for the day. I wanted to find some way to meet him, and I wanted sex. He was hot, and I was horny. I had the hotel room until 10:00. My sister and K had already gone home. I knew D and his girlfriend and I would be heading to the beach for the day. I could double back to the room if I could get this guy to meet me before 10:00.
No dice. He was still with his friends and he couldn’t get them moving. In the meantime, I started getting hit on by another guy on Grindr. He was younger and good looking, so I started to respond. I was holding a conversation simultaneously with both of them. I managed to convince the hot construction worker to gather his buddies and come to the beach in Belmar. They were going to grab breakfast and head over. He told me the other two guys he was with didn’t know he was gay, so he would have to sneak away at some point.
As I made my way to the beach for our final day at the shore, the younger guy told me he and his friends were coming to Belmar to go to the beach as well. I responded with our street number and told him I’d meet up when he arrived.
I sat on the beach laughing out loud. D and his girlfriend asked what was up. I told them all about N from the night before, but also how two different guys were coming to the beach to meet up. Just then, N started responding to my text messages and told me he and his roommate would come to Belmar from Manasquan to go to the beach. He just had to wait for his roommate to come home. At his point, I was laughing my ass off. I had two guys from Grindr coming to meet me, and the guy I just broke up with would probably be there to witness the whole thing.
After some time passed, I got a text from the younger guy telling me he was on the beach. I texted the construction worker to see if he arrived yet. He was the main target. The younger guy was a fallback. The construction worker texted back. He was just stepping onto the beach. I turned around to the entrance to see him. I paid attention to where he set up camp.
Later in the day, I noticed the younger guy walking around. He walked right in front of me. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to meet him just yet. I thought I would wait for the construction worker first since he was much sexier. After he went to the back end of the beach, he called me. I picked up and turned around to notify him of my location. D and his girlfriend both left to grab food, so at least I didn’t have an audience when I met him. He came up next to me, and we formally introduced ourselves.
He was a really nice guy. He is from near where I grew up. I asked him what he was doing at the shore. He told me he was staying with his two friends. He told me they went to Paradise, a gay bar in Asbury Park the night before. He also told me he felt like a bit of a third wheel because the other two guys he was with kinda had a thing for each other. After we chatted for a bit, D came back and the guy decided to head back to his friends. He said he’d swing by again later before he left.
I watched as he walked back to his towel. I thought to myself, “What a coincidence! He’s sitting right near the construction worker.” The irony.
I couldn’t have expected what was coming next. The construction worker, the younger guy and the other random dude all walked down to the water together. They were talking and periodically glancing in my direction. I tried not to make eye contact. I went through all the logistics in my head and stories were not lining up. The construction worker told me his friends didn’t know he was gay. The younger guy told me he had a thing for the random dude. I was willing to bet the construction worker was the one fabricating the story. Nonetheless, they were all together.
When they all went back to their towels, I texted the construction worker and asked him if he was going to meet me. He agreed to go for a walk, and I would follow right behind. When I caught up to him, I introduced myself. We talked a bit. He apologized for not being able to meet up earlier. It was very awkward and slightly forced. Then I told him, “Grindr is a small world.” I brought up meeting his friend, the younger guy. He played dumb and acted like he didn’t know he was gay, only suspected it. I wasn’t buying his BS, but he was hot! I wanted a piece of that action, even if I had to wait until we were both back up north. We chatted about a few bars in the city. I was very turned off when he made the comment, “I hate the faggot bars. They’re not my scene, but when you go to the straight bars, the drinks are so weak.” I agreed with him and we discussed a few good place in the New York City to go to. He was trying to be someone he wasn’t, and I wasn’t impressed. As we got closer to our beach, we walked our separate ways. We talked about when we were leaving and left meeting up later open for discussion.
When I got back to my towel I texted N and his roommate. I assumed at that point he and his roommate were not going to show, but I thought I’d offer him a ride home with D and I. N didn’t respond, but his roommate told me N already gone home on the train. She was going to stay in Manasquan. I found it a little disrespectful after talking to N all day about hanging out on the beach he never told me he was going home. This was becoming standard protocol for him though. It would be something I needed to get used to.
On the ride home, I texted the construction worker. I wanted to see if he wanted to swing by my place on his way back to Queens. I got a few messages back at first, but then he went completely dark. When I arrived home, I texted him one last time. “Hey man. If you’re not interested, let me know. I have thick skin and don’t want to bother you if you’re not interested.” He responded back telling me I just wasn’t his type. I could respect that, and we each texted each other, “Ok. Good luck…”
Follow @onegayatatimeCrumbling Down
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 9, 2011
I woke the next day early. The night before I got in a blowup with my sister and K over the sleeping arrangements. I was sure there would still be some lingering resentment in the morning, but I was on a drama free weekend. I wasn’t going to let it bother me. I would stick with D and his girlfriend, two of the most drama-free people I know.
We all decided to get breakfast burritos and hit the beach. This may have been a good idea to prevent a hangover after a night of heavy drinking, but probably not a good idea before heading to the beach for the day. I will just leave it at that.
While I laid on the beach, I started getting texts from N. He was heading to the shore that day as well, but would be staying with his roommate, who I partied with the night before, in Manasquan.
I don’t know why I did this to myself, but I was telling him all our plans for the night and encouraging him to meet up with us. I’m a masochist, what can I say?
After the beach, my group went out for dinner. We had a really nice time eating and chatting at Parker House. After dinner, we went downstairs for libations and music. We danced a bit and played a fair amount of shuffleboard. When we found ourselves bored with the crowd, we decided to move on. This is when the group dynamic started to stretch. My sister wanted to stay, but the rest were ready to move along. We had plans to go to Bar A for our friend’s birthday.
Once at Bar A, D and his girlfriend got in a fight, and the camp became seriously divided. The girls went to one end of the bar, and the men were on the other. D was pouting, but my other friend and I were not ready for our night to end in drama. We tried to encourage D to come with us to another bar, but he wasn’t going to leave his girlfriend, even if she wouldn’t talk to him. After many attempts, my other friend and I left for D’Jais.
Part of the reason I wanted to go there was because I had so much fun the night before, but I think a bigger part was because I knew N was there. I had it in my head I would say a friendly hello, but then somewhat ignore him most of the night. I would dance with lots of other people and show him that we could be friends, but I was finally able to move on (after trying to drag him to my bed 2 nights before. STUPID!)
I didn’t want to announce my presence ahead of time. I knew it would be a madhouse, but I would find them eventually. When we arrived, I went to the spot we were the night before with his roommate, and sure enough they were there. I started brushing shoulders with N without him fully noticing me until I made it very obvious I was there.
I got the most excited and biggest hello from him. He grabbed me, gave me a bear hug, and kissed me on the cheek numerous times. I wasn’t expecting nor was I ready for that, but I have to admit it made me very happy.
My friend and I ordered drinks at the bar and hung out with N and his roommate. We were all dancing our asses off once again, and I was having fun. I was constantly turning away from N trying to find other dance partners, but was unsuccessful. I took many opportunities to talk to my other friend and ignore N a bit. I needed to prove to him I was no longer dependent if we were going to have a successful friendship.
After some time, N went to the bathroom. I had to go too, but I didn’t want to go with him. That would look pathetic. So I waited a minute or two before heading back there.
As I walked into the bathroom, N was washing his hands. I slapped him on the back as I made my way to the urinal. He waited for me outside the bathroom to head back to our spot. When I exited the bathroom, he motioned for me to walk ahead of him. As I did, I got a slap on my ass.
After some more dancing, N started to get overtly affectionate. He grabbed me in what I can only explain as a wrestler hold with his arm around the back of my head and our foreheads pressed against each other. This was my first time D.T.S., but I can guarantee you this was not normal behavior for two men in a bar. down there. After more time, he started kissing me on the cheek and neck more. It was never enough to draw the eyes of the entire crowd, but it definitely would raise at least a few eyebrows.
Once again, my head was a mess. WHAT WAS HE DOING!? He was the one who really initiated us moving things to the friend zone. I understood what was happening. I myself fell victim to my own passions two nights before. Either way, my head was in a tailspin once again. I didn’t know what to think.
When we realized we lost both his roommate and my friend, we went outside. He grabbed a slice of pizza, and I sat and kept him company while we tried to reach the rest of our party. He said, “Whether I come with you to the hotel or we go back to Manasquan, I’m not leaving here without [his roommate].” Who said anything about us going home together? Was this an invitation? Was he having second thoughts?
Nope. Just then, his ex-girlfriend appeared and he went over to talk to her. After about two minutes, he came back to collect me and introduce me to her. On the way over, he turned and said, “Remember, just friends. She doesn’t know about me.” The girl wanted nothing to do with meeting me, and the two of them were deep in catching up. I didn’t sit there long. I was also on Grindr because it was obvious N was up to his games again. To him, I was simply there and convenient, but I wasn’t going to fall prey to his ways all over again.
I told him I was going to walk home and said goodbye. On the walk home, I texted him, “F*ck you.” He immediately responded, “Whhhhhhaaaatttt. R u kidding.” I took the opportunity to get something off my chest in my drunken stroll home. “I dunno. Maybe I’m tired of being led on… You say sh*t you don’t mean. Yea… Thanks for that.” He retorted, “What do I say?” I was done with him for the night. It was time to go back to Grindr and see if I could manage to find some entertainment.
I managed to find a guy who was eight miles away and had a sick body. We chatted a bit and exchanged more than a few pictures. Now I was horny and trying anything I could to get him to come meet me. No dice. He was with friends and couldn’t get away, so we talked about the possibility of meeting up the next day.
After the drama of the night and the Grindr texting for the previous 45 minutes, I was tired. I walked back up to my hotel room to find everyone already passed out. I laid a blanket down on the floor, grabbed a pillow and passed out. I was disappointed in myself. I let myself get sucked in again, but for the second night in a row, I wasn’t going to lose one second of sleep over N.
Follow @onegayatatimeA Night Away (Or Not)
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 8, 2011
Time away. Time away from work. From stress. From my relationship problems. Time away from N. I just needed time away to escape it all.
Following work that Friday, I hit the road to the Jersey Shore at 1:30 with one of my best friends, D. We were getting a head start on the mass exodus that happens every weekend in Hoboken. We really lucked out and didn’t hit any traffic. My stomach was very gracious for this because my hangover was just starting to kick in. I woke earlier that morning, and I was still drunk. I walked into work with my sunglasses on and asked everyone to leave me in peace if at all possible. My wish was granted. Now I was stuck in a car and the positive effects of the alcohol were wearing off.
I thought my conversation with N ended for the day when I signed off Gchat. We had a decent chat, but things certainly weren’t casual yet. Exchanges were still slightly awkward, especially since I tried to drag him to my bed the night before.
However, N wasn’t done talking to me apparently. About half way down to Belmar, I received a text from him. “How was your half day? Are you dts yet?” I read it on my phone and grumbled out loud. Even though I was the one who made it awkward the night before, I didn’t even want to think about him. I turned to D, who had just been filled in on the details of the night before, and I told him what the text said. I asked him what I should do. He said, “You’re trying to put distance between you two right? Then ignore it!”
I took his advice, and I was happy about it. I put the phone back in the console and continued to suffer through my hangover in silence. However, the silence was broken ten minutes later when I received a call from a blocked number. I picked it up and of course, no one was on the other side. I wondered if it was N. Was he calling to see if I was ignoring him? I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was getting to me enough for me to ignore him, so I thought it best to respond to the text. “Half day was necessary. I was still drunk at work. We’re still in the car…” After that, I got radio silence.
An hour and a half later, I received another text from N asking about traffic and our time of departure. I simply ignored this one. I was going to let him hijack my weekend. It would just ruin my weekend with my friends if I spent all my time texting with the guy I just “broke up” with. After some more time, N felt the need to inform me his roommate was down the shore as well. At this point, I was very short. I simply responded, “I know. We’ve been texting each other.” I was hoping he’d get the hint that he was not included in the nights festivities and his services were not needed. He either got the hint or found something else to entertain his time.
At this point, D and I had been drinking for a few hours. We were both six beers deep. D was starting to feel drunk, but I felt NOTHING. This was a typical occurrence for me. I have a very high tolerance, but I was hoping to get drunk. I turned to D and said, “I think I may switch teams this weekend.” I knew I wasn’t going to find a guy down at the Jersey Shore — not in Belmar anyway. I figured why not find a pretty girl to flirt with and see where things go. Not like I’ve never been there before. D laughed and I could see the excitement in his eyes. He knew if this was going to happen, he was going to have entertainment for the rest of the night. He had a girlfriend who was on her way to meet us, but at least he could watch me hit on hotties.
There was one particular girl I was watching from afar. I liked her interaction with her friends. She was participating in their festivities, but always kept herself slightly detached and available. We made eye contact once or twice, so I promised myself I would talk to her once I was properly lubricated. I would never get the opportunity, however. The group of them walked outside into a torrential downpour of rain. In the next minute, I found myself very attracted to her. Her solution to the rain was to rip off her dress, crumple it in her hands, and sprint through the rain in her bikini. She gained major cool points right then, but it was too late. She was gone in a flash (or should I say splash).
Over the next few hours, I switched from beer to vodka sodas and got properly wasted. My sister and K arrived, shortly followed by D’s girlfriend. We were all having a blast. We were at D’Jais afterall, so my fist was pumping hard. I danced my ass off, stuffed my face, and went back to the sh*ttiest hotel I’ve ever been to with D and his girlfriend.
On the way back to the hotel I checked my Grindr out of curiosity. No quality bites, as I expected. One bite I wasn’t expecting was from N. I checked what the message said. “Having fun finding ZERO gay men in the Belmar/Manasquan area?” I immediately rolled my eyes. What was he doing!? I tried not to think about it and laid my head down on the pillow and fell asleep. He wasn’t worth losing one minute of sleep over anymore.
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 