Archive for April 26th, 2011
After seeing the Broadway dancer for 2 weeks, I finally accepted my homosexuality. Until then, I was in denial and thought I could make it through life being the forever bachelor or find some way to be happy with women.
Don’t get me wrong. I still find women attractive. I stop to check them out like any other guy on the street. I still have the urge to hit on them. I just know that it isn’t nearly as good as with a man.
Once I convinced myself this was right, it was time to stop the charade. I realized this is something I needed to share with those closest to me. For 2 weeks, I was always going into the city to meet up with a “girl.” My friends knew I started dating, but no one met “her” or knew anything about “her.”
I decided to start with my sister. She had to love me no matter what. We were family. And, while we don’t have the strongest relationship as far as brothers and sisters go, I knew this was one thing I could count on for her support.
I talked to the dancer that day at work and told him I was coming out to my sister that evening. He was VERY supportive and never put any pressure on me. In fact, in this conversation, I asked him, “Doesn’t it bother you that I’m not out?”
He said, “Everyone has their own timeline and their own life. When you feel it’s right, that’s when you should come out. And no it doesn’t bother me.”
That night, I invited my sister over for dinner. Of course, that’s the night I have to work late, and my plans start to fall apart. But in the end, she came over for a late meal. When we finished, I turned to her and said, “You know the girl I’ve been seeing in the city?… Well this is him.” I turned my computer to her and showed her his facebook page.
Her face showed a bit of shock. I just blindside her with some heavy information. But after a few seconds, she simply nodded. What happened immediately following is a blank for me. I was in a different world. Saying it out loud, even if I never uttered the words, “I’m gay,” was hitting me like a ton of bricks.
Afterwords, we went into my room and talked for 2 hours. She asked me a lot of questions like when did I know, how did we met, etc. It felt really good to finally have someone to share this happiness with. I just remember saying, “I’m finally really happy,” and “It just feels right.”
Then she asked the big question, “So, when are you going to tell mom and dad?”
She was a good practice run for telling my parents, but I would soon come to the realization that nothing could prepare me for that situation…