Posts Tagged Gay
Indiana Jone’s Charity
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 12, 2011
Indiana Jones didn’t arrive in my life in the most conventional way, however, he is a great guy — A great guy I want in my life.
As he was leaving my apartment the night he came over for a bottle of wine, he casually invited me to attend his next charity event. I was thrilled. He described the two upcoming events and told me he would send me an invitation. One such invitation arrived while I was out at the bar with my sister and my friend, K. I took the opportunity to tell them about this man. They couldn’t fathom how I managed to befriend this man, but both wanted to know how they could also access him.
I told them they were more than welcome to attend the charity event with me. The next day, I forwarded them the invitation, as well as to another friend and my roommate. My sister and one of my friends told me they were onboard to attend, even with the $50 donation requested during RSVP.
As we drew closer to the night of the event, everyone backed out except my roommate, who agreed to go the day of the event. I was thoroughly annoyed. I told my Indiana I would be there, so I couldn’t back out, but I did not want to attend alone. It would have been one thing if they never agreed to go, but that wasn’t the case.
My roommate and I walked to the Chelsea art gallery where the event was being hosted. We checked in and looked for Indiana Jones. He was standing in the center of the room greeting all the guests. We patiently waited until he wasn’t preoccupied before we moved in to chat him up. He was very happy to see us (He met my roommate briefly when he was at my apartment). He detailed some of the very important people who were in attendance. It was impressive. That’s as far as the conversation went. Too many people were waiting to talk to him — Understandably so.
It was impressive to see some of the results of his work. One of the walls was covered with artwork from some of the students in the school he built in India. It was touching. In the back of the event space, a video was being projected. Much of it was footage from the hospitals and schools and women’s cooperatives he built, but some footage was of him working in the field.
My roommate and I found a spot to sit and chat. We weren’t doing the best job mingling and networking. It’s tough to do without an introduction or ice breaker. Eventually, we made our own fun playing “Guess the Price of this Piece of Artwork.”
When the evening was coming to a close, we found an opportunity to steal Indiana away for a moment. He apologized for not being able to chat with us more. I assured him it was okay. It comes with the territory of hosting an event. He mentioned coming over for another night and another bottle. I insisted we would have to have him over for dinner some night. He detailed his busy schedule over the coming days, but we agreed we’d touch base and find time.
I had a very nice time supporting a very worthwhile cause. It was nice to get to see my new friend again, and I looked forward to seeing him again as well.
After leaving the event, my roommate and I went to Bamboo 52 to burn up a Groupon. We had a blast — Lots of sushi and a great dj. When dinner was coming to a close, I texted the sexy Grindr guy who invited me to cuddle a few nights earlier when I was leaving the city. I knew he lived in the vicinity of Bamboo 52, so I told him to swing by and say hi. It took him some time to get back to me, and by then we were ready to go after closing our tab. I told him we’d pass him on the street as we walked to Penn Station to take the bus home.
We ran into him half way to the bus. He was coming back from tennis. This was the first time meeting him, and I have to say, I was impressed. He looked great and seemed like a very nice guy. He complimented my roommate while still flirting with me. It was a quick ten minute interaction, but it certainly left me wanting more…
Follow @onegayatatimeNew Friends
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 11, 2011
While walking back to the PATH from a date with one of the rudest guys I’ve ever encountered, I texted another guy I had been chatting with on Grindr over the past week. He seemed like a great guy, so I thought I’d see if he was available to grab a drink since I was in the city, and it was still early. After not being able to reach him, I began texting and calling other friends to see if they were interested in going out to the bar in Hoboken. I reached one of my friends who was out on a date with her boyfriend in the city. She was headed to the PATH train herself, so we agreed to hit up the bar when we arrived back in Hoboken.
Just as I was about to hop on the PATH, I got a phone call from the sexy man I had been talking to on Grindr. He was available and inviting me to come cuddle, but I told him we’d pick another night. I already made plans.
I met my friend and her boyfriend outside the PATH on the other side of the Hudson River, and the three of us walked to 1Republik. My usual bartender was working, so I said hello and ordered us drinks. I had a Johnnie Walker, and she looked at me with a confused look. She said, “Since when?” I told her I often drink it, but definitely needed it tonight after my failed date (that’s the understatement of the year). I recounted my date to my friend and her boyfriend. She was shocked and couldn’t believe I went on the date at all.
In the meantime, another friend arrived, just about the time the happy couple was ready to head to bed. I told her of my date from hell as well, as she looked at me with wide eyes and asked how I didn’t throw my drink on him and stiff him with the bill.
I felt the need to circle back to the guy who chatted with me earlier. He helped pass the time while I waited for the a$shole with whom I was supposed to be on a date. I told him I was back in Hoboken, and he should come grab a beer at 1Republik. It was already understood, at least on my end, this was not a romantic interest. We had spoken before on Grindr and exchanged pictures. He was almost half my height, so nothing of a dating relationship would ensue. However, I was alway looking to make new friends, especially gay ones, since I was very lacking in that department.
He and his friend arrived at the bar to find the line about twenty-five people deep. They weren’t interested in waiting in line and rightfully so. I told him we would come out and hit up a different bar.
When we got outside, I was met by the odd couple. There was this tiny rough, tough guy standing next to this well built tall blondie who was a big ball of fluff. They made for an interesting match. We introduced ourselves to each other and walked to a quiet bar to sit and chat.
At the bar, Court Street, I came to learn the blonde has a boyfriend in the city of about four months. We talked about their dynamic and Blondie made a comment about how he gets emotional at times, showing his feminine side. I barked at him to stop speaking that way. It is what perpetuates the stereotypes. Showing your emotions is not a feminine thing. If anything, its even more masculine when a real man is confident enough show his emotions. There’s nothing feminine about it. He saw my point, but I don’t think he fully agreed. This guy wasn’t extremely effeminate, but after a conversation with him, you could certainly tell he was gay.
The other guy had been a little quieter, and has been single for some time. He is very masculine and loves football and baseball. From the look of him and a full conversation, you’d never know he was gay. I always find these encounters interesting. I find that quality very attractive. I look for it in all the men I date. However, there was no attraction to this man.
We had a great conversation and my female friend asked a lot of questions. I always love having those types of conversations and educating heterosexuals about the other side of the spectrum. Then the time came for last call. We finished our beers and made our way to the door.
The little guy and I were heading in the same direction, while the other two went the opposite direction.
I chatted with the little guy as we walked towards my apartment. I had a few suspicions he may have been attracted to me and hoping for something at the end of the walk, but I was much more interested in making new friends.
In the end, we shook hands and parted ways. He suggested we get together again soon for beers, and I agreed. Writing this has just reminded me, we’re due for a beer, and I need to drop him a line…
Follow @onegayatatimeRude Can’t Begin to Describe
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 10, 2011
When I joined OKCupid, I had high hopes for the site. My ex, Broadway, told me to check it out. I had never heard of it before, but I was certainly willing to give it a shot.
When I joined, I made a profile and began poking around. I was very disappointed with the talent on the site. I found it very hard to find someone I wanted to send a message. I decided to take a passive role. As people viewed my profile and sent me messages, I sorted through the interested men to see if there was mutual interest on my end.
One guy started messaging and seemed to be compatible with me. He wasn’t the best looking guy, but he certainly had something different going for him. I decided to give him a shot. We started chatting on OKCupid, and quickly moved the conversation to the phone. He texted periodically, but mostly, he called at night before going to bed. We sparred playfully quite a bit. Our exchanges were fun, but periodically, he would push the envelope too far, and I would simply shoot him down.
As time passed, I wondered why he continued to call. I learned he wrote a Broadway show to be released in the spring and was contacting some very big names to be the female lead. He was in line for a lot of success, but at the time, he was working out of his apartment and living a below average lifestyle. We talked a little about me and what I do, but we didn’t get much into hobbies and what we do for fun. He was being elusive on those details.
I enjoyed the phone calls and the attention, but every time I hung up the phone, I would say to myself, “Why is he still calling me?” There were a few things we had in common, but I didn’t feel I was really what he was looking for. It seemed he was looking for a guy who would roll over at the snap of his fingers. I certainly wasn’t filling that position. I was actually beginning to look at him as great practice to be more confident and demand more from a man who was interested in me. When the conversation switched to sex, we discovered we were both tops. Even with that knowledge, he took every opportunity to ask me for a picture of my a$shole. I adamantly declined to fulfill that request. I made myself perfectly clear that was not something he would be receiving from me.
When he didn’t drop the request in every phone conversation following, I got quite heated. I told him if that was all he was interested in, he was barking up the wrong tree. I wasn’t on OKCupid to find a guy to have sex with. I was looking for more substance. If that was all the substance he had, he needed to move on. I think he finally got it. But, I also think he thought he was just being playful, and I was overreacting.
It was also getting to the point where I needed to meet this guy. We talked for over a week, and I wasn’t going to invest any more time if he wasn’t worth it. He was already on the fence in my mind — 50/50. But, I was willing to give him a chance, even though the odds were not in his favor.
We planned to go out on Saturday for drinks and a bite to eat to celebrate the casting of his lead female. Over text and phone conversations Saturday morning, I told him I would head into the city and meet him at 6:30. When he responded at 5:15 requesting we do 6:00, I sprang into action to get ready. On the walk to the PATH, I texted and called constantly. He wasn’t responding. I wasn’t about to get on the PATH until I knew where I was going and where I should get off.
I stopped at Starbucks and ordered a latte. Luckily, I grabbed my coat before I left my apartment, because I would be sitting on a park bench outside the PATH station for the next 45 minutes. I continued to call, until finally, he picked up the phone. He shouted, “Geez! I’ll call you back! Give it a rest!”
I was so insulted. No man was going to speak to me that way and get away with it. I was already passing the time by talking to guys on Grindr, and one even went on to invite me out for a beer. I should have abandoned my original plans at that point and had the beer. The fact that he continuously pursued me boosted my ego so much it became the only thing keeping me to those plans. Sad, I know.
Instead of grabbing the beer with the guy on Grindr, I went to The Melting Pot, where my friend is a bartender. I figured I’d grab a glass of wine and give this as$hole a few minutes to get back to me about our plans for that evening. I was going to give him a second chance, but I wasn’t going to let him get away with talking to me like that.
When he finally called, he didn’t acknowledge the time passed since we planned to meet. He also didn’t acknowledge barking at me over the phone. I was very short with him and called him on it. He didn’t apologize. His response: “Well, you can either come buy me a glass of sangria to celebrate my casting, or you can go home and cry about it.” I was flabbergasted! He had some nerve! Now, I was going on this date out of spite. I was going to be spectacular and then shoot him down.
When I arrived, he stood to greet me with a hug. He commented on how attractive I am — better than my pictures — and how he would have put more effort in if he only knew. He was laying it on thick. I could tell he was very attracted to me. I thrived on it. With every word, he gave me more power. He was actually less attractive than his pictures. I wasn’t interested in the slightest, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t use the date as target practice. I shot him down at every attempt. He made a few lewd comments, and I made my disgust apparent. When he made a cavalier comment about hitting the restrooms as a joke, I went off on him. I asked if that sort of thing normally worked for him. I pointed out how much of a negative effect it had on me. This guy was truly a creep. Ironically, I was having so much fun shooting down a guy who was pursuing me, when I should have been looking forward to the date’s end.
I found out he was late for the date because he was arguing with someone on the phone. He claimed he barked at me not knowing who it was and apologized. If he wasn’t rude enough, he spent 70% of the date texting on the phone. The argument wasn’t over. He didn’t even have the decency to give me his undivided attention.
When the date ended, we began to walk towards his apartment and the PATH train. When we reached a crossroad, he pulled me in for a close hug. Luckily, I didn’t have to kiss him, as he was recovering from a cold. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t trying to pull me closer than is comfortable. He started to make a comment about my being arouse, but I pointed out to him how much that wasn’t the case. I was blunt. “I could not be less aroused right now.” And, after a little more conversation, we parted ways.
I was shocked when he followed up with a text stating his desire to meet again. I responded, “That most likely will not be happening. We have very different priorities, and you were exceptionally rude.” He questioned how he was rude, and I decided it wasn’t even worth my time to recount the scenarios. He truly was an as$hole.
The best part of this was that I walked away unscathed. I actually had fun being blunt yet dignified. I wanted him to want me so badly, so when I shot him down, he’d realize what he was missing. I think I was successful considering the texts continued for some time…
Follow @onegayatatimeMiami Vice
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 7, 2011
Roughly one block away from my date with Dr. Nice, I began texting another guy I had on standby for a date that evening. I wanted to see if I could use my time wisely and see two guys on my free Friday evening. It would help cut down the roster if they weren’t quality guys. The story I told him was that I was out to dinner with clients, and I would get in touch with him as the dinner was ending.
We found each other a few days earlier, and we agreed to meet in Hell’s Kitchen, but never picked a specific location. As I walked south on 9th Avenue after my first date, I found out he wasn’t far. I told him to head north on 9th Avenue, and we would meet in the middle. We could pick somewhere in the neighborhood to grab a drink.
As I was walking, I realized how bad that idea was. We never met before, and there was a good chance we would walk right past each other. I picked a bar, Nizza, and told him to meet me in front of it.
He walked up with a smile from ear to ear. He was somewhat attractive, and when he opened his mouth, his Latino background was screaming at me. I have nothing against it, but I also don’t have much in common with the typical culture.
We grabbed a seat at the bar and ordered a few cocktails. I ordered a Dark and Stormy Float. It was a very interesting drink with the twist of Rum Raisin ice cream. I love Dark and Stormys, but I wasn’t thrilled with this concoction. My date insisted I order something else, but I insisted I would finish it. He enjoyed his drink while we talked about what brought him from Miami to New York. He was working as a producer on a Hispanic television news show, and was looking for a change. He wanted to move to New York and was afforded a job transfer.
It was interesting to learn he was in the city only four months, so he hadn’t yet experienced the changing of the seasons. He wasn’t quite used to the phrase “the end of summer.” As we talked, the conversation began to take shape as me giving him advice on how to adapt to New York City and less about us and any future we may have.
He told me all about being brought up in Miami and how he is going to miss being so close to his family. However, he was thinking about his career and needed to move up in this world. Surprisingly, he was living in New Jersey as well. I knew this bit of information earlier and asked him to meet on the other side of the river, but he explained where he lived and how it would be difficult to meet over there since he had no car.
The date was very pleasant, just as my date earlier that evening, but I wasn’t feeling a spark. When this date ended, I would not have a burning desire to see him again.
We closed our tab, and I agreed to walk him to Port Authority. I was heading there myself to go back to Hoboken for the night. Before he hopped on one of the shuttles, we exchanged hugs. He suggested we find the time to meet up again. I told him we would be in touch and manage to figure something out in the near future.
Of course, he was yet another man who would fall by the wayside due to lack of interest on my part. He was a nice enough guy, but there was nothing there to really draw me in.
It seemed I was back to my old ways of serial unsuccessful dating. I needed my luck to change, or my self-esteem was really going to land in the crapper…
Follow @onegayatatimeDr. Nice
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 6, 2011
Since ending my slew of hookups, I decided to put full effort behind building up a new roster of guys. This time it would be for meaningful dates, not meaningless sex.
Over the course of a month or so, I corresponded with a guy on adam4adam.com. He seemed like a really nice guy — Almost too nice. But, what the hell? I hadn’t done the nice guy thing yet, so why not give it a shot?
He wasn’t the most attractive guy on the site, but he certainly wasn’t unattractive. I also like him because he seemed eager to meet me. I hit him up and asked if he had time to meet.
We agreed to meet up for drinks and maybe a bite on Friday after work. This was my first non-half-day Friday in two months, so it wasn’t a hassle to schedule something that evening. I wouldn’t need to commute back into the city for the date. He lived on the Upper West Side, so we agreed on a spot at the northern end of Hell’s Kitchen.
I arrived at the bar before him and waited for him to arrive. When he did, we decided the bar was a little packed to be able to hold a conversation. We crossed the street and sat outside a Mexican bar/restaurant.
We ordered chips and guacamole and beers and chatted a bit. I asked him to remind me what he did again. I went into the date very blind. I should have at least looked back over his messages on a4a, but I had a hard enough time scheduling the date in the first place. Maybe I wasn’t putting a full effort into finding a guy this time around after all.
He explained he was working his way towards becoming an anesthesiologist. I was very impressed, but a big red flag popped up in the back of my head. I have never been thrilled with the idea of dating a doctor because they don’t keep regular hours, which makes it difficult to spend time together or plan getaways. I began to ask about his schedule and what he does with his time off.
I was very surprised to hear how much free time he has. He talked about hiking trips not only in upstate New York, but also in other countries. He explained he had mainly regular hours with the occasional outlier.
The conversation started getting more relaxed, and we were really finding common ground. I kinda thought about this guy as a wildcard, but he was really surprising me. There was still something holding me back. I was realizing that I wasn’t truly an equal opportunity dater. I was actually quite shallow. I saw this guy in front of me with a lot of things in common with myself, but I just wasn’t physically attracted to him. He was kinda cute in his own way, but it just wasn’t doing it for me. He was a lot shorter than me as well.
As we chatted, I thought in the back of my head how great he would be as a friend, but that’s a tough transition when you’ve asked someone out on a date. How do you tell them you just want to be their friend? That says, “You’re fun to hang out with, and we can do a lot of things together. But, I just don’t want to sleep with you because I don’t find you attractive.” Not the nicest impression to make on someone.
When we finished our beers and the temperature dropped below a comfortable level to remain sitting outside in short-sleeved shirts, we parted ways. It didn’t end with a hug or a kiss. We simply just said goodbye and went our separate ways. I felt a little guilty, and I wasn’t ready to cut him from the roster, so I sent a followup text: “Very nice meeting you tonight.” He responded with the same sentiments and suggested we find time to meet up again. I agreed. In the end we never communicated again. What is meant to be will be, and what isn’t, won’t.
After saying goodbye to him, I went on with the rest of my night — Another date I was meeting down the street…
Follow @onegayatatimeTurning Over a New Leaf
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 5, 2011
With the passing of Labor Day, summer officially ended in my book. I was sad to see it go. Like always, it flew by in no time. Its passing wasn’t all sadness, however. My favorite season was right around the corner. The changing of the leaves, the crisp air, the smell of fireplaces… all things I loved about the fall.
Just as the seasons were transforming, so too was I. Since I broke up with N, I went off the deep end. Part of this is because I never had my wild time. While everyone else was hooking up and experimenting in high school and college, I was being a good boy. I sat there and watched everyone else experience relationships and casual sex. I was asexual. Sure, I had my fair share of hookups with women, but nothing worth writing home about.
When I finally accepted myself and came to terms with my homosexuality, I found myself in a relationship right off the bat. I never had a chance to meet new guys and discover new things. Following my breakup with Broadway, I had a short window of wild time, but it was mainly filled with dates that ended with me going home alone. Then came San Francisco, shortly followed by N. This summer was the first time I was single and gay. Did I live it up? Yes. Am I proud of everything I did? Hell no, but I also have no regrets. Everything was an experience, whether it was something I learned from or something that made me a better person.
I began to look back and examine my summer. I wasn’t being true to who I am — True to myself. I don’t have casual sex. I’m a monogamist. I crave a meaningful relationship with a special guy who appreciates me, body and soul. If I kept sleeping around, I was never going to find this. I need to make a change. I thought I would be able to ease into it when I returned from Martha’s Vineyard, but I was wrong. I needed to be more drastic. I was going to be a good boy, even if it meant the palm of my hand would be raw.
I had two friends with benefits. I needed to cut them off completely. Closet was still messaging me since we last hooked up. “Hey man, haven’t talked to you on a while. Hope all is well. Don’t want to sound insecure or anything(too late), and I know you said its not a bother to text/email you, but just FYI in case that ever changes just let me know you’re lookin for something different or you’re seeing someone else. Lol feel free to lie to me, just would rather know if you’d rather me step back… I don’t want to become one of those creepers that I keep hearing about haha. Anyway hope to see you sometime, even to meet out for a drink or something. Later man.”
I originally found both my friends with benefits on adam4adam.com, so I sent them both messages on there. I lied and told them I was seeing someone, and I wouldn’t be able to see either of them anymore: “Hey dude. Sorry I haven’t hit you up. Everything is fine. I have started seeing someone, and I decided I need to stop with hookups outside a relationship regardless of that person. I think you’re a great guy, and I had a great time with you! Don’t doubt that. I just need to find a serious relationship right now, so I’m concentrating on that. I hope you understand!!!”
While the muscular weekend hookup simply replied, “No worries,”
Closet had a few more things to say: “Hey bro, its cool. No hard feelings. I mean can’t say I’m not disappointed, cause putting the physical aside, you really seem like a great guy, and I’m glad we met. Honestly, I felt weird saying it to you before, but now what the hell hehe…you’re the first guy I was with that made me think I wanna come out(not to mention my first for a few other things, lol). Obviously not saying I was in love after a few hookups lol, but I felt something more than just empty sex. I’m considering it after the holidays this year (you know, one last Christmas where the family likes me, hehe), but I’ll revisit that one later. Anyways, you’re a great catch, and I hope you find a great guy – and my offer remains open if you wanna grab a beer, just as a friend, hit me up. Thanks again dude, and I hope our paths cross again sometime. P.s. Two more things… 1. Thanks for being so patient with me in bed and all that, even though I still need to loosen up a little (pun intended), you really made me feel comfortable. 2. If you ever run into me while out at bars or whatever, cuz I’ve been in Hoboken quite a bit lately, feel free to say hi. I’m trying to gradually cut back on the paranoia part of all this.”
I felt pretty bad about the situation with Closet. It was obvious he was starting to fall for me, but I had no interest in pursuing anything with him. I knew I was right to cut it off when I did.
Outside of my regulars, I gave up Grindr cold turkey. I knew it would be too tempting to fall into something if they were hot and looking to hookup.
I joined OKCupid, was checking ManHunt and adam4adam.com regularly to see if there were any guys reaching out to me I’d be interested in meeting. It wasn’t easy finding a man up ’til now. I couldn’t expect it to get any easier just because I stopped hooking up with random men. None of the men I went on dates with previously showed any interest in seeing me again. Pillow and The Trainer kept giving me the runaround, so I had to learn when to simply give up and move on.
I started to wonder what was wrong with me. What was I doing wrong? Without the sex and without the happy feeling I get when I have a prospective guy I’m seeing, I started getting cranky. This was going to be a learning experience for me. I needed to not only find a man, but also to find myself. In the meantime, everyone around me would to have to watch out. I was not a happy camper…
Follow @onegayatatimePrincipal’s Office
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 4, 2011
Starting the final Friday of my vacation, I began talking to a very interesting man on the mainland of Massachusetts. Right off the bat we clicked. Of course, I found him on Grindr, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a man of quality.
I tried my hardest to convince him to visit me. I suggested we grab a drink and/or dinner. We went back-and-forth on the issue, and of course, I ultimately lost. No matter how hard I tried, he would not get on a ferry. Even after offering my bed following his question of where he would sleep, there was no convincing him. I went as far as to pull a shirtless picrture out of my arsenal. No dice.
But that didn’t deter me. We spoke every day of the rest of my trip. I enjoyed his messages. I enjoyed the cat-and-mouse game we played. When the time came to drive home, I turned to him to entertain me for the long car ride. We started messaging each other the second I hopped on that ferry. Had I been in charge of my own transportation, I would have made a detour on the way home, but that wasn’t an option for me.
Instead we took the oppotunity to get to know each other over five-and-a-half hours. I learned about his job as an elementary school principal. I enjoyed picturing him with a myriad of children circling around him. I remembered how much respect I had for my principal growing up. It was fun to picture the little tykes looking up to him. I learned he swam in high school and coached a team as well, but he had to give it up when he left the classroom for the principal’s office.
When we stopped at a gas station, I surprised him by calling for the first time. It was great to hear his voice. He never expected me to pick up the phone and call, but after talking to him for three days, I thought it was time to speak to him instead of just texting. The conversation was short, but it was special.
Once we got back on the road, it was back to texting. Periodically, I would switch back to some of the other guys on Grindr, but I didn’t have much interest in them. They lived in Rhode Island, Connecticut, etc. It was crazy enough I was trying to continue the conversation with someone in northern Massachusetts.
However, I learned one thing when I was working things out with San Francisco from across the U.S. You can find ways to make a long distance relationship work, but certain understandings need to be met. Both parties need to be willing to put in great effort to make it work, and an end game needs to be discussed at some point.
My mainlander continued to point out how ridiculous it was for us to be talking. He was very skeptical of the whole thing. I tried my hardest to get him to open up. I told him, “I’m not thinking about that bridge until I come to it. Right now I’m just enjoying chatting with you. Does it make sense to do this? No. But could it be something special? Only time would tell. But, it’s sure to fail if you don’t give it a chance to even begin.”
With every word, I found myself falling for what I pictured this man to be. I proceeded with caution, but I was also diving in full force to explore the possibilities of where our conversation could go.
When I arrived home, the conversation ended for the day. I was preoccupied with other men, but that doesn’t mean the conversation between us ended at that moment. I liked everything I was discovering thus far, but there was much more digging to be done…
Follow @onegayatatimeParty Like a Rockstar
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 30, 2011
After my post car-ride romp with Closet, I set off for the city to meet up with the tattooed, long-haired hunk I’d been chatting with for months. He sent me some of the sexiest pictures I’d ever seen. He was nothing like any type of guy I’d ever dated, but there was something about him that really drew me in. Every time I showed my friends/roommates his picture, they exclaimed their disapproval and pointed out how difficult it was for them to picture us fitting together.
However, I don’t always listen to my friends. He was both sexy and stimulating on a conversational level. I am an equal-opportunity dater. I will meet with almost anyone to see if chemistry exists. Everyone deserves a chance.
I texted him as I walked to the PATH to find out what the plan was and where we were headed. Earlier in the day, he asked what I had in mind. I knew he didn’t drink, so I suggested grabbing coffee or a bite or taking a walk. He responded to my texts explaining a friend was feeling a little down and wanted to hit up a movie. Would I be interested in something like that? I wondered what was up here. Did he feel a chaperone was necessary? Was he not that interested after all? You can’t exactly chat much in a movie. It’s perfect for a third or fourth date. You just sit and hold hands/stroke each other’s arms and enjoy just being with each other, but as far as a first date goes, it’s not the best option.
I agreed and asked him to tell me where to meet him. He gave me the cross streets that are near his apartment. I hopped on the PATH, got off at Christopher Street and got in a cab to cut across town to the Lower East Side. I wasn’t particularly thrilled with where he lived. It was a very inconvenient neighborhood for me to reach on a daily basis, but again, I couldn’t let something like that get in the way. And, who knows? Maybe he would just become a booty call.
I arrived at the corner to find him in an old rocker tee with the sleeves cut off, safety pins joining a big tear in the material, ripped jeans and boots. He was in great shape as well, with his biceps exposed. He was nothing like the guys I’d ever gone on dates before, but I was entranced. He looked great. I examined his tattoos as we walked.
In the biggest twist of irony, we skipped the idea of hitting the movies. There was no mention of it at all. Instead, he turned to me a proposed, “Wanna go grab a cupcake?” It was precious to hear those words coming out of this tough, hard rocker guy. It was a big part of what drew me to him. Rough exterior with a soft cream filling. I graciously obliged, and we made our way to the coffee shop. He ordered a tea and a red velvet cake while I grabbed a slice or tiramisu and a SmartWater. We sat on the two seats sitting on the sidewalk outside the shop and began chatting.
I learned about his job and his hobbies. He is a songwriter in his spare time, and a few years ago, he was part of a rock band. He took the time to show me some of the videos he cut together with their music as well. I was duly impressed. He shot almost all the footage himself and edited the videos together to the soundtrack he wrote and his band (or him solo) performed. I actually liked many of the tracks and appreciated his talent. I think he was impressed a piece of white bread like myself would be interested in music of that genre. I genuinely liked it and would have put some of them on my iPod. I told him he’d have to send me some of them when he got home later.
We chatted about what I do for work, and it segued into some of this other projects as well. He did screen prints and tee shirts as well. I liked this guy’s entrepreneurial spirit on top of his day job (not including for anonymity’s sake). When they were ready to close up shop, we made our way down the street. He was looking to buy cigarettes, so we walked to a few shops to find his brand.
In the meantime, we saw two brightly lit flying objects hover over a highrise building and then disappear. I am in no way saying this was an alien, but it certainly was a UFO. He pulled out his iPhone and captured some quick video of the incident and immediately posted it to Facebook. We were both baffled as to what they could be, as well as where they disappeared to.
As we continued to walk, we somehow got onto the topic of his celebrity. He happened to be a contestant on a reality competition show on Bravo. I was now beyond impressed by his talents. He detailed some of his creativity through the challenges and told me how far along he made it. I don’t know why he didn’t bring this topic of conversation up earlier. Some of the previous conversation was dry, and this would have breathed new life into the conversation. I was more interested in the idea of the competition than I was with the fact he was on TV.
After sharing a cigarette and looking at some of his artwork on his iPhone, the time came to say goodbye. I was a little disappointed I got no action. It was obvious he wasn’t that interested in me, but I was still attracted to him. He gave me a hug, and I flagged down a cab.
Since the date, we’ve become Facebook friends and have chatted a few times, but I don’t see a second date in our future. However, that doesn’t mean a friendship won’t blossom where a relationship would fail…
Follow @onegayatatimeBooty Call
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 29, 2011
On Labor Day, we began our journey home early in the morning. It was a fun week in Martha’s Vineyard. It wasn’t quite the same as other years. Outside my dalliances, the week seemed very tame. I wondered if it was because some of the group are now paired up, or if it was because we are getting older. Either way it was a great way to end the summer, even if I’m not exactly proud of how I behaved this summer.
I spent the five and a half hour ride in the back of the car. While I was on the island I found a guy on Grindr who lives on the mainland. I tried my hardest to get him to come visit for dinner/drinks/more, but no bites. I talked to him the entire ride home, but that’s another post for another day.
I knew I’d arrive home mid-afternoon. I didn’t want to waste the day unpacking and lounging in front of the TV, so I tried to lay some groundwork for an evening date with some of the candidates still on the roster. When none of them replied, I was quite disappointed — And, horny. After chatting and exchanging pictures with my Massachusetts mainlander and other random Grindr men I encountered on the road home, I was in the mood for some action. I didn’t want to pull in another random from Grindr or adam4adam.com. I was trying to curb sex with strangers. I did however have two friends with benefits still in my back pocket. They were itching to hop in the sack with me as much, if not more than I was with them. They both messaged me numerous times while I was in Martha’s Vineyard to inquire about my return home.
I called up Closet Guy and told him to come over. He jumped at the opportunity, but needed to run home and shower before he could come over. And, just my luck, one of the guys on my roster took that moment to respond about meeting up that evening. He had been on the roster for MONTHS. He was one of the first guys I talked to, and we had been trying to meet up ever since. I wasn’t going to turn down the opportunity to finally meet up, but I also had to deal with Closet. So I did what any horny, selfish guy would do — I scheduled both back-to-back. I told Closet to hurry because I needed to go into the city to meet up with a coworker to discuss everything I missed over the week before heading back the next morning. It was perfect. He would come over, have sex and leave without any of the post sex chatter.
(Warning: The following may be too graphic for some) When he arrived, I brought him straight to my bedroom. He stripped, and I threw him down on the bed. We made out like we hadn’t seen each other in months. Hands all over each other. It wasn’t long before he was begging for me to be inside him. He hopped on top of me and went to town. It was just what I needed after a long car ride. Shortly after, I rolled him over and we tried a few other positions, ending with him on his back. That’s when things got slightly messy. It’s always unfortunate when that happens, but it happens. It’s the nature of the beast. It’s quite a mood killer, but I always try to be dignified about it. I’m sure it was a learning experience for him, as I was the only one to penetrate him. I asked him if he wanted to move things to the shower and conveniently laid the hand towel I had at my bedside over the spot on my comforter as to not draw attention and embarrass him further.
Once in the shower, we lathered up and continued the fun until we were both fully satisfied. It actually worked out quite well because I love shower sex, and I needed to shower before heading into the city to meet the long-haired hunk I texted earlier. It was both fun and a time saver.
We toweled off and got dressed. I kissed him goodbye at the door and continued to get ready for my date. I thought things would change when I arrived home from vacation. I thought I would get back to my old self where I could only have sex with someone I truly had feelings for, but I was wrong…
Follow @onegayatatimeSex On The Beach
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 28, 2011
Friday had come and gone on the island, and I behaved myself. I was trying to enjoy my time with my friends and stop thinking about finding a guy to hang out with, hookup or not. But, when Saturday rolled around and most of my friends were all coupled up, I started feeling lonely once again.
We went to a bar in Oak Bluff, Offshore Ale Company, to pregame for a night on the town. We ordered plates of french fries and tried some of the many beers they offered on tap. Everyone was well on their to a drunk night.
Throughout the night, I texted the Russian and tried to get him to come out to the bar. He wasn’t interested. However, he was quite horny and was looking to meet up with me. He proposed we hit up a remote stretch of beach between Oak Bluff and Vineyard Haven. He told me he’d drive over and pick me up in twenty minutes. I had patchy service everywhere on the island (Thanks for nothing T-Mobile!), so I was worried he wasn’t going to be able to reach me. Ironically, that night at the bar, I had exceptional service, but almost forty minutes passed by with no word from him. I texted, but I received no response.
I figured he was either running behind or something came up, so I contined to hang out with my friends. Ironically, I ran into my college teammate’s best friend whom I’ve drank with many times in Hoboken. We chatted a bit before he needed to leave, and then I made my way back to the rest of the gang.
I excused myself to go outside to call the Russian and see what was up. I told everyone I’d be back in a minute after I made a phone call. When I got outside, I saw him standing by his car. He apologized for not getting back to me because he forgot his phone at home. I hopped in his car, and we left for the beach. I texted one of my friends to explain I wasn’t coming back in the bar, but I would join up with them later in the night.
We pulled off the road into a small parking lot by the beach. Just as we were walking down to the sand, another car pulled up. We figured we’d need to walk a bit to get out of site of the new arrivals. It didn’t help the moon was bright that night. (Warning: The following may be too graphic for some). When we found a spot, we started to make out. He unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants. He got down on his knees in the sand and went to town. He felt amazing. Already, this was much better than the ginger and the construction site. All attention was coming to me, and I was basking in it. He took off his sweatshirt and laid it on the ground and laid down on his back on top of it. I laid on top of him. By now, both our shirts were off and our pants were around our ankles.
We agreed there would be no penetration, but we were going to have our fun in other ways. And, boy did we. We tried many positions and permutations, trying to avoid getting sandy at all times. After we finished decorating the sand, we got dressed carefully and walked back to the car. The last thing I wanted was to spend the rest of the night at the bar with sand in my clothes and boxers. We sat on the hood of the car and shared a cigarette. When it was finished, we hopped in, and he drove me back to town where my friends were drinking and dancing at the bar.
I arrived too late and was not granted access, however, this worked out well because some friends were heading home anyway. I joined them to head home for some late-night mac n’ cheese.
It was nice to have a friend with benefits on the island. He lived on the island year-round and makes his living in various ways, one of which is photography. This would be the last action I got on my vacation, but that didn’t mean the conversation ended there.
Since leaving Martha’s Vineyard, I became Facebook friends with the Russian. The Boston guy with the girlfriend has made it a point to text and email me the dates he is coming to New York City. The ginger photojournalist has texted me once to reiterate the good time he had and to ask how the rest of my vacation was going once he arrived back in D.C. Overall, it was a nice ego boost. Apparently I’m that good and hot enough they felt the need to followup.
Most likely, I will never see any of them again, but I take with me some fun memories and new experiences. Just as my vacation was ending, my priorities began to shift. Sex was starting to severely lose its mystique. It tends to do that when you have meaningless sex. I needed a change and this was a good transition point. When I got home, things were going to be different — Or at least that was the plan…
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 