Posts Tagged texting
Gay Terminology
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 20, 2011
When I was single and “straight,” I used to think about how gay men would react to me when I came out. I kinda always knew I’d be a catch. Now, it’s a little out of control. I have been propositioned by sooo many men on Grindr and adam4adam.com. I’m not tooting my own horn here. I recognize the quality of men admiring me. And, quantity does not make up for the lack of quality.
Many of the messages I receive are easily understood, such as:
Would you let a dude lick ur feet for cash? $200 U come in, we watch porn, I lick and massage ur feet. I jack off… U sit back and relax. No other touching… and also…
Wanna come over and breed me?… A bunch of guys are gonna take turns with me. Want in?… (After some time passed with no response from me) Guy who was gonna host can’t anymore. Wanna breed me?
Some take it even further to illustrate their point.
Let me show you what’s gonna happen… (Picture of his massive black dick) U gonna need stitches!
Some of the messages and profiles I see are not so easily deciphered. Things like, looking for? Looking for what? Does this mean what am I into? Are you asking me if I’m looking for a hookup or a relationship? Just ask the question you want an answer to. I’m already in the dark about so much in the gay culture. Code and cryptic messages aren’t helping!
This is where you come in. I’m enlisting the help of everyone who reads my blog/tweets to compile a gay dictionary. I’m new to this game, so things like “M4M” confuse me. I know it means man for man, but when you’re on a gay app, why would you feel the need to say that? Did you mean something else? Obviously, I need someone to help me decode the lingo.
What’s a power-bottom, and how is it different from a regular bottom? I’m so lost!
I tried doing my own research for many of the terms I’ve come across, but this was an overwhelming task.
So I’m asking you to think about the gay terms you see or use and define them in the comments for me. Thanks!
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 17, 2011
It’s amazing what the power of suggestion can do to you. All it takes is for someone to put an idea in your head, and you are rendered incapacitated. It can consume you and become all you think about. This power was wielded over me by who other than the 40 y.o.
Following my birthday weekend, I reserved Sunday night to sit my single ass on the couch and catch up on the DVR. I was all but finished watching everything I taped the week before when I got a a text message from the 40 y.o. “Recover from your birthday present? Want another bj?”
That’s all it took. The seed was planted. My mind raced back to the last time he came by, and all I could think about was how good it felt. I told him to come by my apartment. When he asked if I could come to his place, I became a little uneasy. I wasn’t sure about not being on my home turf. He wanted to host because he was doing laundry and packing for a business trip the next day and he “figured I’d take a break to blow you. lol.”
I explained to him I felt more comfortable in my own setting. To which he responded, “Understand. It’ll just have to be a raincheck then. I’ll be back in a few days.”
That’s where he had me. I lost the upper hand, and he knew it. I would either have to come to him, or I would have to wait for the blowjob that was just planted into my brain.
I tried my hand at being clever to lure him to my apartment. “Put a load in… Then I’ll put a load in, and you’ll be back just in time to switch it over. You know you want to.”
My tricks didn’t work. “I have to be smart. I have to be up for an early train. Guess I’ll have to watch porn and spank it.”
We sparred back-and-forth with our words, both trying to convince the other to come to them. Just when I had him convinced to make the 7 block trek to my apartment, one of my roommates came home. I was so close, and yet so far away. With that, I finally agreed to go to his place. He lives in the same building as one of my friends, and I needed to drop something off at her apartment.
When I arrived, he gave me a hug. He proceeded to show me around his apartment, the whole time playing with himself in his gym shorts. Finally he pulled me into his bedroom and sat me down on the bed. He pulled my shorts down just enough so he could get working on me. I took his shirt off and began to play with his nipples. We were both enjoying ourselves. He pulled off his shorts and sat naked on the hardwood. His member was BIG just as I remembered from the first time, however, he never got fully erect. I remembered this from our first encounter and how worried I was it would happen to me at the age of 40.
Then he did something that both shocked and disgusted me. He pulled out a small bottle, untwisted the cap, held it to his nose and heavily snorted in each nostril. I don’t have a lot of experience with drugs, so I wasn’t fully aware of what was going on.
I didn’t really want to look at him anymore. I told him to come up on the bed so I could lay back. He disagreed and said he wanted to stay on the floor. I complied.
It wasn’t much longer before my whole body was tingling, and I was ready to finish. I let him know how close I was by the volume of my moaning. He pulled me in deeper and took everything I had to give. When I was depleted, he commented, “Wow, that was a lot!”
I responded with the only thing I could think of. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you…”
He walked into his bathroom to rinse his mouth as I got dressed. When he came back into the bedroom, he pulled on his shorts and shirt and said, “I’ll walk out with you. I need to take the dog for a walk.”
As we walked down the stairs, we discussed the noise level of his neighbors. I began to wonder about his noise level. That’s when the thought crossed my mind, how many of “us” are there in his roster?
We got outside, and I said goodbye to both him and the dog. On that walk home, I was still feeling euphoric from the bj, but I also decided this was the last time I would have a sexual encounter with the 40 y.o. It was fun, but there were too many things about the whole situation that made me uncomfortable.
After that, he began stalking me on Grindr — heavily. After some time, I blocked him so he could no longer track my whereabouts. For a little while, I would respond to his text messages, but as of late, I’ve taken to simply ignoring him. I’m dreading the day I run into him on the street.
Follow @onegayatatimeBirthday Pop-In
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 16, 2011
My “Birthday Weekend” status in Grindr was producing an exorbitant amount of hits. Men were throwing themselves at me left and right for no other reason than the fact that I provided them material for an opening line. Almost every message was “want a birthday blowjob?” or “how bout some birthday sex?”
After my encounter with the 40 y.o., I couldn’t tell if I was excited or scared. It awakened something deep inside me. I craved the promiscuity of these random encounters. I wanted more. On the flip-side, they scared the hell out of me. I had no idea who I was meeting or what they could do to me.
The Saturday following my birthday, I went back to my favorite bar with my friends. I was on the hunt. It was my birthday, I was single, and I was horny. Grindr was my best friend all night. I didn’t stop checking it.
One guy in particular was very persistent with his messages. We exchanged a few messages back-n-forth throughout the night. He wanted to meet somewhere. When I told him I was going home for the night, he was insistent upon coming over. We could not meet at his place because his roommates didn’t know he was gay, and he was very worried whether or not my roommates were home. I assuaged his fears, explaining they were both already sleeping in bed.
Since it began to rain, he insisted I meet him half way and walk back to my apt together. This was beginning to become more work than it was worth. Finally, I convinced him to come to my door and text when he arrived. Yes, I gave him my phone number. I’m slowly learning I need to be much more contentious about giving that out.
I had seen his picture on Grindr, but when I walked down to the front door of my apartment building, I was shocked at what I saw. This is going to sound very shallow, but I’m just being honest. He was fat. And, I don’t mean husky or chubby. I can deal with that. He was F-A-T fat. I’m sorry if this offends people, but it’s just not my type. I take very good care of my body, and I am attracted to men who do the same. I was immediately turned off, but I’m not the kind of guy who just slams the door on someone who walked through the rain to come “pleasure” me.
When I opened the door, he quickly but quietly came rushing in. He looked panicked, like his parents just walked in on him having sex. When he explained why he was in a rush, I couldn’t help but notice how flamboyant he was. There was no way in hell his roommates didn’t know he was gay. It was written all over his body language. We walked up the stairs to my apartment, quietly opened the door and crept in silently. Silently until he allowed the metal door to slam behind him. Now, he looked like he was ready to sprint back down the stairs. After the 40 y.o., this felt like old hat. I wasn’t nervous at all.
We walked back to my bedroom and closed the door. I have never seen anyone strip down so fast in my life. I began to do the same, at which point he decided to help me along. He was sprinting, when sex is meant to be a long distance run at the least.
We started with the heavy petting. He felt like ziplocs full of pudding. On top of that, he was all over. He never stayed in one place for more than a second. I was so confused. I felt like I was going through a car wash. After some making out, heavy petting, oral pleasure and grinding, he turned onto his back and began masturbating. In my confusion and lack of a better idea, I did the same. He finished rather quickly, and I got him a towel. He started to rubbing me all over again. If anything it was a major distraction, not help. He asked if I was going to finish. At this point, I was so fed up with him I replied, “No. It’s going to take me longer.”
Much to my dismay, but also my pleasure, he responded, “Ok, well I’m gonna go. I have to get back before my roommates notice I am gone.”
As quickly as he removed the, he put his clothes back on, put on his shoes and quickly shuffled down the hall and out the door.
To date, this was the worst “hook up” I have ever participated in. To top it off, he continued to text me over the next few weeks. And if the whole situation wasn’t awkward enough, I found myself standing next to him and his friend on the PATH train one day. I kept my head buried in my newspaper and darted out the door the second they opened. To this day, I still get offended every time he texts, but I have yet to respond to a single one.
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A Special Birthday Present
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 15, 2011
Warning: This post gets a little graphic towards the end…
Thursday, for my birthday, I went to my favorite watering hole, McSwiggans, where I know the entire staff, and they take good care of me. And boy did they take care of me! As did my friends. Each and every one of my friends bought me a shot, on top of the free beers the bartenders were handed me. Needless to say, I was successfully inebriated by the end of the night, even though the plan was to have just a few drinks at the bar with friends and celebrate on Saturday.
The next morning I woke up. Still drunk. I stumbled to work, counting in my head how many shots I could remember from the night before. While walking, one of the guys from Grindr asked me how my night went. I explained (surprised I could remember it all), and told him how miserable I was. This particular Grindr and I had chatted before on adam4adam.com. I found him interesting and mildly attractive, until I found out he is 40 years old, well beyond my age comfort zone.
The night before, I change my Grindr profile to reflect this special occasion. I don’t exactly know what I was hoping to accomplish by adding “Birthday Weekend” to my profile, but it certainly produced results. Many people took the opportunity to wish me a happy birthday. Some even went as far as to offer me their services as a gift…
I made a decision the next day, Friday morning, not to go out that night. I was going to need to recuperate if I hoped to have a successful Saturday birthday celebration.
That night when I got home from work, the 40 y.o. messaged me again on Grindr. He was a bit of a stalker, always commenting on my location and whereabouts. When he asked me what I was doing for the night, I told him I was sitting home alone on my couch catching up on my DVR.
That’s when he propositioned me with a birthday blowjob. I sat and debated his offer for quite some time. This kind of interaction was totally out of character for me. I’ve never had the random hookup. Part of the idea scared the crap out of me, while the other part thrilled me.
After our exchanges back-and-forth for some time, he managed to convince me this was a good idea. He lived only a few blocks away, my roommates weren’t home, and I wouldn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to. This was a present for me for my birthday. I sheepishly agreed. We exchanged phone numbers, and I gave him my address. On his way over to my apartment, I texted him pre-apologizing for my awkwardness when he arrived. Again, this was not something I had ever done before, so I had no idea how to act or what to do.
When he arrived, I awkwardly introduced myself. I had no idea what I was doing, so I gave him a tour of my apartment. After we chatted, he made a move to kiss me, and suggested we go into the bedroom.
Once in there, he sat me on the bed, pulled my shorts down and went to town orally pleasing me. I laid back and enjoyed my gift. After some time passed, he told me he wanted me inside him. I was very horny, and in the heat of the moment, I agreed. I was smart enough to grab a condom (won’t make that mistake twice), and we went at it. When I was close to finishing, he ripped the condom off and starting blowing me until I finished in his mouth. It felt AMAZING!
At that point, the fun was over. We were both very sweaty, and while he went into the bathroom to clean up, I took the opportunity to towel off and get dressed. When he came back into my bedroom, he got dressed and said to me, “See. That wasn’t so awkward. Was it?” I just replied with a laugh and a smile.
And with that, I walked him to the door and said goodbye. And, with that, he was gone.
I felt amazing, mainly because of the thrill of the risk of the whole situation, and I just got off. But, emotionally, I felt guilty and dirty. I had never used another human being in such a way. This was something new and foreign to me. I needed to purge the guilt and the self-judgement, so I immediately went back to my room, showered, and went to bed.
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Breaking San Francisco’s Heart
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 14, 2011
After San Francisco’s visit, I realized we were not compatible. He had quite a few skeletons in his closet. And, it wasn’t the skeletons that bothered me most. What bothered me most was the feeling he was hiding all these secrets. So many past relationships with such a diverse crowd of men much older than I, drug use, some cross-dressing, etc. We come from different worlds, on top of the fact that he lived on the other side of the country.
After playing it cool for a week, I decided to end it, or at least find a way to morph it into a friendship. I spent the week being slightly less available to his phone calls, instant messages, etc. I was doing all the cowardly things I preach against. If I were a real man, I would have told him while he was still in New York, before he went home. Apparently, I need to grow a pair before I tell everyone else to.
Furthermore, I decided to clue him in on my feelings with a text message. I’m such a coward. I wasn’t about to “break up” with him over text, but I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone and say it all out loud. Pretending like everything was okay was really getting to me. I don’t do the charades very well. Especially after spending 26 years in the closet. Life’s too short to pretend anymore. So, I sent the following textwhile walking through the mall with my friend:
Hey. I think we need to talk about things. I had a really great time with you out there and when you came to visit, but I just don’t think I’m cut out for the distance thing. I ended my last relationship because I never got to see him, and it appears I’ve gotten myself into the same situation… It’s really been wearing on me over the past few weeks. You are the biggest sweetheat I’ve ever met! You deserve someone you can be with… I have no regrets and hope that you will still want to be a part of my life as a very special friend I cherish forever… I hope you understand!
I didn’t tell him it was because of all of the hidden facets of his life I discovered when he came to visit. I didn’t think it was necessary. The distance thing had already gotten to me before he even stepped foot on a plane. That was the root of the issue. The others were just what made me step into action on ending whatever it is we had.
He responded, I felt like something was up. Can you talk now?
I replied back, I figured you would… I can’t now… Out with friends, but we can talk later…
He took the opportunity to respond with his feelings and sentiments:
I understand. I always say people come into our lives for a reason… You have taught me how good it feels to love regardless of age, distance, and future. Love knows nothing, except how happy one can be. I took a chance to open my heart and have no regrets. Boo, I know distance did not change how happy you made me every time I was with you, texting, skyping or just thinking of you. We both deserve someone to be with, and I hope you find somoene who will always cherish every minute with you as much as I did. A hui ho, 😉 (Hawaiin for until we meet again).
I told him he is the sweetest man I have ever met in my life and apologized if I hurt him. To which he responded, You have a piece of my heart, and I have a piece of yours, so we will always be connected. And will cherish your friendship. Let’s talk later.
We did speak later on the phone. He understood where I was coming from, and he agreed on many points.
We still talk to each other periodically. For a while, it was still uncomfortable because he sent me messages telling me he missed me. Now, he’ll message me to ask what I have planned for the weekend or to ask how my day’s going. We’ve talked about dates we’ve gone on with other people as well. Recently, he had to find a new roommate. Turns out the new roommate’s name is the same as mine, which is not very common. I guess it’s safe to say I’ve officially been replaced.
We will forever be friends, and I do cherish his friendship. And, maybe, one day our paths will cross again…
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Dumping HR
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 10, 2011
I had two good dates with HR. There were no fireworks, but after our make-out session at Industry, there could be a connection there.
After closer examination, I came to the realization we weren’t a good fit for each other. We had a lot of common interests, but there was nothing about him that made me yearn for more.
I had to bite the bullet and tell him. Because I was having a busy week, I kept putting off the call. It was awkward, and any excuse I could muster to not call was a good one.
Finally, I got to the point where I realized I was dragging this out far too long. I decided to just text him and explain the situation. I was worried he would be offended I was telling him this over text since he was a classy guy, but I thought it was better than putting it off any longer.
“Hey man. I know I owe you a text or a call. I’m not the type to just fall off the face of the earth… You’re a really nice guy, and I had fun, but I just don’t think you’re what I’m looking for right now. Sorry! I hope you understand…”
I was out with friends for trivia at a local bar in Hoboken when I sent the text. As soon as I sent it, I felt a burden lift and began to enjoy my night out.
While I ate my dinner, I got a reply from HR.
“No worries. Thanks for letting me know. I had fun too, but agree we’re not a match. Best of luck to you in everything.”
I turned to my friends with a smile on my face and said, “See! Why can’t they all be this easy!” showing them the text on my phone. They all laughed because they could sympathize with the uncomfortable situation. They’d all been there before at some point.
Every date I go on teaches me something new. I’m glad I went out with HR, but I’m also glad I could realize when a relationship wouldn’t have legs to stand on. I’m also proud of myself for having the confidence to realize there are other guys out there who may be a much better fit for me.
And with that, I was back out in the dating pool.
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Stood Up
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 6, 2011
I’m not sure what it is about the gay dating world, but no one seems to have a sense of commitment. I can’t tell you how many times I tried to plan a date with a guy I clicked with on adam4adam.com or Grindr, and last minute, they either canceled, or just went completely dark. I have been cancelled on three times as often as I have gone on dates. I know the gay world is more prone to promiscuity, but c’mon guys! Lock it down. Either show up, or be man enough to own up to the reason why you can’t show up.
A little background about me: I’m a very nice and forgiving guy. You really have to screw me over to get me p*ssed off at you. I give countless chances to redeem yourself. I may be a doormat, but I have also found if you give people a second chance, you may be pleasantly surprised.
A few of the guys got more chances than others, quite simply because they were gorgeous. Even if we didn’t hit it off, I wanted to go out with them to just stare at them. Others fell by the wayside after a few attempts. I was getting to the point where I scheduled 2 dates a night because I knew one would back out last minute.
Like with dates, I give roommates more chances than they deserve. Since I moved to Hoboken, I’ve been a revolving door for roommates. I’ve had 11 roommates in 5 years at 2 different apartments. When the time came for my one of my roommates and I to find yet another replacement roommate, I turned to my tried and true friend, Craigslist. At this point, I could be a professional Craigslister. Not only have I written my own posts, but friends have requested I write theirs after their own return no quality results.
One respondent to my ad included his Facebook profile link. When I clicked the link, I immediately noticed how hot he was. He had an amazing body in his shirtless on the beach profile picture. As I scrolled down to the bottom of his info page, I noticed it said, “Interested in men.” I assume the Facebook link was his subtle way of addressing his homosexuality.
This was definitely a pleasant surprise. I was in desperate need of gay friends, and a new gay roommate could be a lot of fun. It would also make the coming out to a new roommate thing less awkward for me.
I reached out to him, and got no response. (Here is where my tenacious personality took over where most would have given up). I sent him an follow-up email explaining I was gay and thought it would be great to have him meet us and check out the apartment. Apparently that was the bait I needed to lure him in. We all clicked, he loved the place and agreed to move in.
When it came time to sign paperwork, all of a sudden, he backed out. He gave me an excuse about the possibility of his job transferring him to North Carolina in a few months.
Fast-forward 6 months later to me cruising Grindr. To my amazement, who do I find? Mr. North Carolina. I sent him a message just saying, “Hey. What’s up?”
He responded, “Hey man. Very hot! What’s going on?”
I debated whether to play games for a little while or to tell him who I was. I responded, “You know me btw…” And I told him who I was.
Ten seconds later, I received a text message from him, “You??? Damn, you look good man!”
We started chatting, and I asked him if he wanted to go out for drinks sometime. I was attracted to him physically, but after he bailed on living with me, unfriended me on Facebook, blocked me on G-chat and AIM and stopped answering my text messages, I wasn’t so sure he was relationship material. I wasn’t expecting anything to happen, but if it did, I probably wouldn’t fight it.
We picked a Friday to go out for happy hour drinks. When 5:00 rolled around, I texted him. Of course, I got complete darkness. No response. No explanation. Finally, I gave up and went home. I texted him on Saturday to see what happened. Instead of just being honest and texting me Friday to say, “Hey, I’m kinda tired. Can we reschedule?” he decided to come up with an elaborate story.
We still texted, but after the second time he bailed on me, I told him the ball was in his court as far as the next time we would hang out.
Later, he texted me about his awkward living situation in which his roommate was sexually harassing him. So, when I got the news of yet another roommate moving out, I reached out to him. He came to Hoboken for a barbeque at my apartment and to hit up the bar scene. We got along great. He agreed to move in. Just goes to show, if you give people another chance, they may surprise you.
Finally, I would have a gay roommate/friend/wingman. However, this of course would pose a whole new load of drama in my life, but that’s another post for another day…
Follow @onegayatatimeHuman Resources Part II
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 3, 2011
This is a follow-up post to the earlier “Round 2” post…
HR and I were finally able to set a time to go on a second date.
This time, we agreed to go to Industry, a popular gay club in Hell’s Kitchen, after work. I had never been before, but this was happy hour on a Monday, so my fear of gay clubs was a little easier to get over.
I walked uptown to his office and waited for him to finish his workday. When he came down, I noticed he obviously changed his clothes. He wore a suit to work every day, and today, he was wearing very tight brown pants and a polo shirt. He looked gayer than a $2 bill. Yes, I know how bad that sounds.
Thinking back, I think it was then I realized we weren’t a match. Maybe that makes me shallow, but I’m really more into masculine guys. However, I still didn’t completely write him off.
We got our drinks and found a comfortable couch to relax on in the back of the bar. We talked casually, facing each other. I was trying to convey a more flirtatious body language. I could tell he was doing the same. After some time passed, I placed my hand on his leg when talking to show my interest.
Out of the blue, one of the drag performers began practicing “her” sets. Drag queens make me feel very uncomfortable, but I’m cool with them as long as they don’t try to interact with me. I don’t need to be a part of the show. When I thought it couldn’t get more awkward, the drag queen came on in nothing but a feather boa barely covering the necessary parts. HR and I discussed drag queens and our feelings about them. I respect them and their choice. I admire their confidence in themselves and their apathy towards others’ judgement.
We talked more, but then the night began to get a lot more physical. At one point, I just went in for the kill. We were facing each other, and I took the opportunity to kiss him. After our missed opportunity to kiss last time, I decided one of us needed to make a move. I usually never have the courage to do so, but tonight, I was properly lubricated and just went for it.
We spent a majority of the rest of the night kissing and cuddling. He had his hand in the top of my polo and was rubbing my chest. He expressed how much he enjoyed it, and said, “Even if you tell me to stop, I don’t think I will. Your chest feels too good.” I was enjoying it, so he had no complaints from me.
Before we knew it, it was 11:30. I couldn’t believe how late it was, and I needed to get home. He both walked over to 9th Avenue, kissed, said goodnight and went our separate ways.
I expressed how good of a time I had that evening, and we talked about seeing each other again…
Follow @onegayatatimeFinally Taking Boston Out for Steak Dinner
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 2, 2011
News flash: Started a new Twitter feed. Follow me @onegayatatime for up-to-date tweets about my gay dating life…
On with the show…
When the opportunity arose for me to accompany my company’s U.S.A. CEO on a speaking engagement at Boston College, I jumped at it. I would finally get to go visit Boston.
I reached out to him as soon as I heard about the possibility to see if he was available. I made arrangements to spend the night at his apartment if I was able to come up the night before the speech. I asked if I could crash on his couch. He told me how ungodly uncomfortable it was and offered to dust off his air mattress for me.
To be honest, in my head, I was considering the possibility of both options looking slightly old fashioned, and he would offer to share his bed with me. I certainly wasn’t expecting anything sexual to happen, but was not opposed to the idea of cuddling. In the meantime, I met San Francisco, and it became much more evidently clear Boston was not interested in a relationship.
The point of sleeping arrangements became moot when an overnight stay was necessary for me as far as the company was concerned. I booked a hotel room near his apartment and made arrangements to meet him after the speech for dinner. I was finally going to be able to make good on my offer to take him out to dinner, even if it was just as friends.
We met at my hotel and strolled along until we found a suitable restaurant. My CEO suggested Abe and Louie’s, so we ate there. We sat, and the conversation flowed like water downhill. We dove right in and got caught up on each other’s lives since we last saw each other in Miami. We had spoken online and on the phone, but there were more details to discuss.
I told him about the few dates I went on, the guys I was talking to on adam4adam.com, downloading Grindr, etc. He was a little surprised by my embracing of these social media as a way of finding suitable men. He told me about his dates and his love life. The whole time we talked, I was mesmerized by his smile and kept thinking how great his lips would feel again. I had to put the thought out of my head though. We were now good friends, I was interested in San Francisco and another long distance relationship should not be in my plans.
We stayed and chatted until we realized everyone else in the restaurant left. We both would have stayed there for another two hours if we could. When we walked back to my hotel, I probably should have invited him in since we both still wanted to chat longer. However, I had a 4:00am departure for the airport. I also wasn’t sure how he’d react to my inviting him in. Instead, we discussed him coming to New York to visit, we exchanged a nice hug and we went out separate ways.
Now, when I have a story to share with someone or just need to talk, I call Boston. Last time we were on the phone for almost an hour. He’s a great friend and couldn’t be more pleased to have him in my life.
I’m still looking forward to his visit to my neighborhood.
Making It Work
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 31, 2011
When I got home from my business trip San Francisco, I was still reeling from my time with the man I met there. I couldn’t stop thinking about him and how close we grew in a matter of hours. From the moment I touched down in New Jersey, we were texting or talking on the phone. I couldn’t get enough of him.
I knew in my head it was crazy. We were on completely opposite coasts of the U.S. — Three time zones away. Him, a 34 year-old from Hawaii, and me, a 27 year-old from Pennsylvania. There were so many reasons why anything between us wouldn’t work.
But, at the time, I had no love interests in my life. There were a few adam4adam.com guys I talked to and set up dates (4 set up in 4 days), but who knew if the connections would be so strong. Subsequently, I compared every date to my first date with San Francisco.
I decided to send him flowers that Monday. I never sent anyone flowers before, let alone a man. But, I was a stranger visiting a city I’d never been to before, and he welcomed me in with open arms… and then some.
When the florist delivered them to his office, coworkers saw and flocked to his office to ask who they were from. He read the card that said, “I left a piece of my heart in San Francisco. Take care of it until I get back.” One of his coworkers wandered in and said, “Wow! Big night this weekend?”
San Francisco replied, “You actually met him. He’s the guy from the bar on Wednesday.” His coworker was impressed.
He called immediately to thank me. I could hear his smile in his voice as we spoke on the phone. He was so happy, and I was so happy he was getting all the attention of his coworkers. It was my main goal to make him the center of attention and realize how loved he was.
We talked every night since I left. He would call when he finished work, and we would talk for hours. That night, after telling him how much I missed him, I told him I wanted to try to make it work. I couldn’t believe how strong our connection was, and I had to at least put in the effort to know if this relationship had two legs to stand on. I think he was touched, and fully dove in head first with me on the venture.
Over the next few nights, I taught him how to skype. We could now see each other as we talked. Eventually, we began watching TV together. Since we shared such a connection over Brothers & Sisters, every Monday night, we would watch that week’s episode together. Anything we could do to make it a stronger relationship. We became Facebook friends, and I also taught him about gchat, so we could talk at work throughout the day. I got a text every morning saying, “Good morning.” And however we ended the day, I would get a, “Sweet dreams.”
We were both happy. The distance was a burden, but we were managing.
We started planning a trip for him to come visit New York. He lived here for 10 years. He had a lot of friends here he hadn’t seen in three years. In my head, he would come visit in May, and come June, I would trek out there again, this time for pleasure. If these trips worked out, there was no stopping us. But we would cross those bridges as they came.
I didn’t know what this was. We put no label on it. But I knew he made me happy. That was all that mattered to me. And, I couldn’t wait for his arrival!
At the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 