One Gay at a Time

Warning: This post gets a little graphic towards the end…

Thursday, for my birthday, I went to my favorite watering hole, McSwiggans, where I know the entire staff, and they take good care of me. And boy did they take care of me! As did my friends. Each and every one of my friends bought me a shot, on top of the free beers the bartenders were handed me. Needless to say, I was successfully inebriated by the end of the night, even though the plan was to have just a few drinks at the bar with friends and celebrate on Saturday.

The next morning I woke up. Still drunk. I stumbled to work, counting in my head how many shots I could remember from the night before. While walking, one of the guys from Grindr asked me how my night went. I explained (surprised I could remember it all), and told him how miserable I was. This particular Grindr and I had chatted before on adam4adam.com. I found him interesting and mildly attractive, until I found out he is 40 years old, well beyond my age comfort zone.

The night before, I change my Grindr profile to reflect this special occasion. I don’t exactly know what I was hoping to accomplish by adding “Birthday Weekend” to my profile, but it certainly produced results. Many people took the opportunity to wish me a happy birthday. Some even went as far as to offer me their services as a gift…

I made a decision the next day, Friday morning, not to go out that night. I was going to need to recuperate if I hoped to have a successful Saturday birthday celebration.

That night when I got home from work, the 40 y.o. messaged me again on Grindr. He was a bit of a stalker, always commenting on my location and whereabouts. When he asked me what I was doing for the night, I told him I was sitting home alone on my couch catching up on my DVR.

That’s when he propositioned me with a birthday blowjob. I sat and debated his offer for quite some time. This kind of interaction was totally out of character for me. I’ve never had the random hookup. Part of the idea scared the crap out of me, while the other part thrilled me.

After our exchanges back-and-forth for some time, he managed to convince me this was a good idea. He lived only a few blocks away, my roommates weren’t home, and I wouldn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to. This was a present for me for my birthday. I sheepishly agreed. We exchanged phone numbers, and I gave him my address. On his way over to my apartment, I texted him pre-apologizing for my awkwardness when he arrived. Again, this was not something I had ever done before, so I had no idea how to act or what to do.

When he arrived, I awkwardly introduced myself. I had no idea what I was doing, so I gave him a tour of my apartment. After we chatted, he made a move to kiss me, and suggested we go into the bedroom.

Once in there, he sat me on the bed, pulled my shorts down and went to town orally pleasing me. I laid back and enjoyed my gift. After some time passed, he told me he wanted me inside him. I was very horny, and in the heat of the moment, I agreed. I was smart enough to grab a condom (won’t make that mistake twice), and we went at it. When I was close to finishing, he ripped the condom off and starting blowing me until I finished in his mouth. It felt AMAZING!

At that point, the fun was over. We were both very sweaty, and while he went into the bathroom to clean up, I took the opportunity to towel off and get dressed. When he came back into my bedroom, he got dressed and said to me, “See. That wasn’t so awkward. Was it?” I just replied with a laugh and a smile.

And with that, I walked him to the door and said goodbye. And, with that, he was gone.

I felt amazing, mainly because of the thrill of the risk of the whole situation, and I just got off. But, emotionally, I felt guilty and dirty. I had never used another human being in such a way. This was something new and foreign to me. I needed to purge the guilt and the self-judgement, so I immediately went back to my room, showered, and went to bed.