Posts Tagged smiles
Rallying Friends
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 30, 2011
Every year, for the past four years, I’ve hosted an annual holiday party. Ironically, I started it with a First Annual Holiday Bash because I wanted it to become one of my holiday traditions. It would be the one time of year I gathered with my closest friends and spent time with them around the holidays to show just how much I truly appreciate their friendship.
From its first year, it’s been a big hit. An invitation one year is no guarantee of an invitation the following year. I always make sure I surround myself with the people in my life I care most about. If within the following year I fall out of touch with someone, I don’t extend an invitation.
Earlier this year, my friend reached out to me to plan weekends in December. She knows of my party and wanted to make sure I wasn’t hosting it the same night she was celebrating her birthday. We both picked dates and put it to bed.
Months later, I found out I was being evicted from my apartment since my landlord finally sold it. Our eviction date was November 30th; eleven days before the planned date of my holiday party.
This was one tradition I was not ready to relinquish, not matter what it took. Some of my friends look forward to the party a full year in advance. I make an incredible spread (not allowing anyone to bring any food of any sort), and everyone fasts for an entire day leading up to the party.
This posed a serious challenge. I would have to move into a new apartment, get it settled and cater for about forty people in ten days — A near impossible feat. However, my determination is not to be underestimated.
When I sent out my Evite, my sister immediately criticized the invitation of N. She was shocked to see I would invite him, but she also didn’t have the full story.
Apparently over the course of my short relationship with N, I mentioned my annual holiday party. As the holiday season was drawing nearer, he asked for the date of said party: “When is your holiday party so I can put it in my calendar? I’m trying to attend as many holiday parties as possible without missing one.”
Did he just invite himself to my holiday party?! I mean, he was on the maybe list, I’ll admit that. But I had no intention of inviting him in the first round of invitations.
This isn’t because I was holding a grudge over our failed relationship. It was mainly because I was disappointed in him. Considering we lived across the street from each other, I thought I’d at the very least be seeing him periodically. However, since our last discussion about our failed relationship, I hadn’t seen him once. I still had never been to his apartment considering I basically walked past it every day. He never put in an effort to be my friend following our breakup, so I no longer felt the need to attempt myself. I’d given up.
When he invited himself, I had to quickly think of the best and most dignified way to deal with the situation at hand. I started with honesty. “Oh.. Are you invited to my holiday party???” I quipped. “I’m …. just gonna go… f*ck myself…” he responded. I successfully made him feel uncomfortable, but then lightened the blow. I couldn’t do much. My hands were tied. I’m not rude enough to tell him he can’t come, but I wasn’t sure I really wanted him there either. “HAHAHA. Just giving you sh*t. Sending out the Evites today…”
When others friends learned of his attendance, they weren’t happy. I was confused by this. I didn’t think anyone would care. When we were dating, my friends loved him. Everyone approved and expressed this to me. He was a very charismatic guy to be around and played nice with all my friends. It was one of the biggest things that attracted me to him.
However, when he crushed me at the end of our relationship, everyone’s opinion of him quickly shifted.
I have to admit, I don’t know if my opinion wouldn’t have shifted so drastically. If he didn’t do anything to hurt me, I would see no need for malice toward him. I wouldn’t be his best friend, but I would certainly be civil.
This wasn’t the case with my friends. In an overwhelming show of support, they all rallied against him and attempted to convince me to retract my invitation.
I was blown away. I never experienced anything like that before from my friends. I was truly touched.
However, I would not be able to fulfill their requests. I was not capable of uninviting him. I also felt it gave him the satisfaction of thinking he still had an effect on my life. I’d completely moved on. It took a long time, and I went through a lot of turmoil to get to that point. But, I didn’t need him to know that. (Not quite sure if he’s still reading the blog…)
One friend, J, was particularly poignant in his disapproval. “I’ll crack his head open.” I told him I was going to be civil, but I wasn’t going to pay much attention to him when he arrived. “Honestly, I think its risky having him there. Especially since he is a drama oriented person.” He pointed out that N may bring up the blog in front of Smiles just to p*ss me off. “Good point… Going to have to tell him not to mention the blog,” I added. “He may leave early since no one really wants him there.”
K and some of my other friends expressed their lack of interest in interacting with him, and he didn’t really know many others. J responded, “If I have anything to do with it he will leave early.” I couldn’t believe how passionate J was getting about this. He’d never even met N. “Look I’ll be civil… but if he gets out of line you let me know.”
One of my other friends who witnessed my rebound in Martha’s Vineyard, Shorty, made the following suggestion: “You should warn him that your friends aren’t really fond of him so he doesn’t feel bombarded if people are mean to him.” “No one will be mean to him, but they’re not going to go out of their way to be nice,” I speculated. “Haha. I might be mean if I happen to end up talking to him :),” she finished.
I couldn’t believe how much my friends were rallying behind me. To be honest, I thought they all thought I blew things out of proportion when it ended. I thought they all looked at me like I was crazy for being so emotionally broken up after dating someone for a month and a half. He really did break me down a little bit, and I still feel some of the lasting effects of that relationship, as much as I would like to put it in the past and forget it. But, I thought they all thought I was being melodramatic. Apparently, they validated my sentiments.
On another level, N wanted to bring his new boyfriend. I’m sure he’s a sweet guy, but I’d never met him. I didn’t want him at my holiday party. It wasn’t the time or the place to meet him. Selfishly and childishly I also wanted the upper hand. I wanted N to see me happy with someone else, Smiles, while he didn’t have his security blanket to hold onto. I know that is very immature, but in the dating world, I am still a teenager. I’d like anyone to disagree with me they wouldn’t want to do the same thing.
So, I told him he couldn’t bring him. I explained he situation, and I think N accepted my reasoning. It was going to be an interesting night regardless. Many variables were bouncing around, and no one could predict the night, even if some of my friends wanted to start a pool of bets on how early in the night N departed…
Follow @onegayatatimeNight of Surprises
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 29, 2011
After an attempt to make lunch plans, Smiles and I were striking out to find time to get together after a week apart.
I told him I was heading home for the night and was about to leave work. However, I was pleasantly surprised to get the text, “Meet me for a drink at Extra Virgin. I haven’t heard from [my friend] confirming dinner yet, so I’m guessing it will be closer to 8:00 or he will flake.” I wasn’t thrilled with being second choice/fall-back, but I knew this was a friend he hadn’t seen in years who was in the city from L.A., so I was understanding.
I agreed to meet him and texted him when I arrived at the restaurant. “Oh goodness. I’ll be there in 10. Btw, I forgot I have a call from 6:00 – 6:30. My life is a pain-in-the-ass sometimes,” was the response I received. It didn’t help I was already feeling like an afterthought. Now I was learning the little time I had to spend with him was going to be interrupted by a half hour phone call.
I’d already been waiting for him for 15 minutes before he arrived. We exchanged a quick peck and a hug, and he suggested I could go inside while he made the call. I told him I could occupy myself outside while he took care of business.
While he talked with his movie team about next steps with their film, I sat on my phone playing with every app I could think of to pass the time. I checked my WordPress stats. I answered emails. I read everyone’s Twitter post that day. Anything I could do to keep busy.
When he finished his call, we grabbed a seat at the bar. The bartender was struggling to harvest a pomegranate, so I offered to help her. Smiles pointed out my culinary experience and told her she was in for a real treat. She was all too happy to receive my advice, as this was one chore she abhorred. After running to the restroom to wash my hands, I demonstrated for her how she could save herself some time and energy. She was very appreciative of my advice and thanked me.
Smiles and I placed our drink orders. We chatted over drinks on the spinning stools. I made it a point to turn my stool so I was facing him and our legs were interlocked. I heard all about his holiday on Long Island and the craziness he went through upon his return with his client. I told him about my relaxing trip home, my dysfunctional family, my Black Friday adventures, and my slow day at work.
At one point he had my his arms extended with his hands on my thighs rubbing them. He flippantly made the comment, “I love your big manly legs.” This was the first time he’d ever complimented my physically, so I took notice. He continued to rub them and massage them, and I continued to melt inside.
At that moment, he checked his phone and learned his friend wouldn’t be able to do dinner that evening, so they agreed upon breakfast the following morning.
With that, he turned to me and asked if I’d like to get dinner somewhere. Surprised, I told him, “Well. We’re already here. Why don’t we just eat here.” I was expecting to get the boot at any moment throughout the course of the evening, but instead I was extended a dinner invitation. Once again, I was happy to get to spend time with him.
We quickly placed our dinner orders and continued our conversation. Our dinner was very pleasant, and our meals were excellent. After we finished eating, we split the bill and began to walk down the street.
As per usual, when we reached the crossroad between his place and the PATH, we said goodbye. And, as per usual, it was said with a simple kiss and a gentle squeeze. I pulled him back in for another kiss and made it more than a peck. He smiled, and we said goodbye.
When I got back to Hoboken, on my walk to my apartment, I texted, “Mmmmmmm. I like you. You make me happy… Just felt the need to say that…” He responded twenty minutes later, “Awwww. 🙂 Thank you.” Clearly, he didn’t feel confident to reciprocate the sentiment just yet, which stung slightly, but then again, I already knew I was ready to move faster than was…
Follow @onegayatatimeWhen Do I Get To See You Again?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 28, 2011
I hadn’t seen Smiles in a week. The holiday break meant we’d be spending a fair amount of time apart. Time apart can be a good thing, but I missed him. I wanted to see him, and I was trying to do what I could to make that happen sooner than later.
Monday morning, I texted him asking if he could take the time out of his day to grab lunch. He was with his billionaire friend/client, “Back to you on that shortly,” he said.
In the middle of the afternoon, he called. He wasn’t going to be able to meet for lunch because he was still with his client, and even if he did finish in a timely manner, his brain was mush and he was a mess mentally. “It wouldn’t be fair to you because I would be a shell of a person, and I wouldn’t exactly be present,” he added. We agreed to shoot for lunch the following day, Tuesday, and he promised he would call me later when he had more time/sanity.
At ten after five, I received a text from Smiles: “Hey babe. How did your day finish up?” I told him, “Today, I didn’t do one shred of work other than sending someone a file. Getting ready to head home soon…” I wanted him to know I was heading home since he wasn’t able to meet up. I wasn’t going to hang around for the possibility of seeing him…
Short Goodbyes
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 26, 2011
Still thrilled about a spectacular weekend with Smiles, I began a new week.
Monday passed by without me seeing Smiles again. I did speak to him however. We spoke while I walked home from work. He still had a migraine, and I tried to console him. I wished there was something I could do for him, but I was powerless.
He had a work event that evening, so he soldiered on. His migraine was lessened, but he still wasn’t 100%. I knew it was going to be a long night for him.
He called when the event was over to say hi and check in on me. I always relish his phone calls just to say hi and ask me about my day.
I explained to him I was watching the first Twilight movie. It happened to be on TV that night, so I made it a point to watch in an attempt to catch up to the current day release of Twilight: Breaking Dawn pt. 1. I was also able to find the second and third installments in the series on the guide over the next few days. Smiles seemed excited to see the movie, so I was putting in the effort to get onboard. I have to say, they’re certainly not amazing cinema, they’re not unbearable either.
I asked him to wait to see the movie together in the theater. He agreed. After talking about the series, he realized he’d never see the third installment, Twilight: Eclipse. I told him I would keep it on my DVR, and we could watch it together before hitting up the newest in the theater.
We were also coming up on Thanksgiving. I struggled with the thought of inviting him to come home with me. He is from and his family is still in Florida. I knew he wasn’t planning to go home, but I wasn’t sure if he’d have other plans. The thought of inviting him came from numerous places. I felt we were comfortable with each other, and I knew he would stand well with my family. He was very good at getting along with strangers, and I knew he could win them over, especially since this would be the first time they’d learn about my homosexuality. I knew it would have been a little early in our relationship to ask him to come home with me, and this is the main reason why I didn’t. I didn’t want him to think I was a little psycho.
In the meantime, I learned he finally did make plans for Thanksgiving. He was going to a few friends’ homes out on Long Island in the Hamptons and on Fire Island. I was happy he found some special people to spend the holiday with, but was a little disappointed I wouldn’t be spending it with him.
Before I went home, and he split for Long Island, I wanted to see him again. I suggested we grab coffee or something quick because I knew he would be quite busy with work leading up to our departures on Wednesday. He told me we’d have to play it by ear, but he would make a concerted effort to work it out.
I was worried I wasn’t going to see him before the long holiday weekend. We’d spent other weekends apart, so this shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but to me it was. I wasn’t spending the holiday with him, so I wanted the next best thing.
Tuesday evening I had a dermatologist appointment to have an ingrown hair taken care of. We were going to attempt to meet after as long as time allowed for it in his schedule.
It turned out he was able to meet. In the rain, I made my way to Lyon to grab a drink with him before he was going out to dinner with business colleagues who were in town for the week.
This was the first time I’d see him following a workday in which he interacted with clients. He looked very smart and super cute. It was all I could do to keep my hands off him. He was happy to see me, but I could tell he was pretty exhausted from a long day. We ordered some small dishes because I was ready for dinner, and his dinner wasn’t until 10:00 or 11:00. The conversation was nice, and we discussed our plans for the weekend. He also expressed concern for the incision on my abdomen from the dermatologist. When we finished, we paid the bill and began to walk towards the PATH/his subway.
We popped into a fun travel amenities shop to check out some of the cool things we noticed in the front window.
We walked a little further and reached his subway. He began to descend the staircase, and I called after him to explain I wouldn’t be joining him since it didn’t take me near the PATH. He walked back up a few steps and gave me a quick kiss as he said goodbye.
It was very unceremonious and not very romantic, but I decided to concentrate on the fact that I got to spend time with him at all before he left.
Follow @onegayatatimeBoyfriend Duties
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 23, 2011
Sunday morning I was awoken as Smiles got up to use the restroom. I’d spent the entire weekend with him so far, so I certainly woke up on the right side of the bed.
He volunteered to make us coffee and breakfast. Smiles has never been much of a cook, so I was enjoying sitting back and watching him do it. It’s not that he can’t cook. It’s simply that he doesn’t do it very often. I came in the kitchen to kiss on the back of his neck and wrapped my long arms all the way around his body holding him tight. There’s something about hugging someone in that way that really warms me at the core.
I borrowed his computer and checked my emails/Facebook while he finished making me an amazing omelet. He brought it to me with coffee made just the way I like it. I’m sure my pleasure was written across my face as I thanked him. This was another great morning waking up with Smiles.
When he finished making his breakfast, he came into the living room and joined me. I told him how impressed I was with his omelet. It really was great — Better than I make myself.
When we finished eating, he told me his plan for the day to move all the boxes out of his apartment into storage. He’d finally moved everything into one storage center, and he was finally able to box everything up in his apartment he no longer needed on a daily basis. Now he just needed to transport them over to his storage unit. I volunteered to help, so he gave me a t-shirt, and we were on our way.
He reserved a Zipcar to do the job, so I gave him a ride to the garage to pick it up. I sat on the motorcycle outside the garage waiting for him to pass by and honk to follow him back to his apartment. A long time passed, but I just assumed it was taking a while to get his car. Little did I know, he was already on his way back to his apartment. He called me asking where I was, and I couldn’t figure out how he managed to pass me by without noticing I was still there or me seeing him drive by.
I stepped on it and sped back to his apartment. We packed the car to the gills and took a lot of things over to the storage center. In the meantime, Smiles was experiencing the onset of one of his chronic migraines. I felt so bad for him, but there was nothing I could do for him. We returned the Zipcar back to the garage and walked back to his apartment trying to find as much shade as possible on such a gorgeous November Sunday.
I put him to bed and went on my way about the rest of my day. I went back through the Holland Tunnel to may apartment. I had the better portion of the day ahead of me, so I decided to be productive while doing something relaxing. I finished all my grocery shopping for the week and began to cook food for dinner and lunch through the coming week.
Later that evening, he went out to grab dinner. On his walk home, he called just to chat. I expressed my concern for him and his headache, and he told me it was feeling slightly better slowly but surely. He told me he slept most of the day to try to relieve the pain, but there were still some lasting visual effects. He also told me he called to see how the rest of my day was. It was a sweet gesture considering I left him only a few hours earlier. The gesture proved to me he cared about me enough to call with no purpose.
Looking back over the weekend, I began to think about how much our relationship grew. It was a pretty special weekend overall. We spent about 45 hours straight together, and he was still not sick of me — So much so that he called. I would never say it out loud to him, but I started to wonder if I had managed to land a boyfriend along the way there somewhere…
Follow @onegayatatimeSushi Cuddling
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 22, 2011
Congratulations to me! (Or should I say congratilations to us, considering I feel this has grown to become a community and not just a place for me to spill the beans.) This site reached 20,000 page views last night, and I had more traffic yesterday than any previous day. I’m very proud of the community of bloggers and commenters interacting here. So, keep reading, and I’ll keep writing.
Anyway… On with the show…
Smiles and I rode the motorcycle through some decent traffic back to his apartment from Brooklyn. It was now fully dark outside since daylight savings time kicked in.
We hopped off the bike and climbed the stairs to his apartment. He suggested seeing Twilight: Breaking Dawn pt 1 in the car earlier that evening, but now that we were back in the apartment, it seemed he had a change of heart. Instead, he suggested we pick a Netflix movie and order sushi for the night.
To be honest, it didn’t matter to me what we did. It was all just bonus because I had no idea we’d be spending so much time together. I relished every minute. At this point, we’d spent 30 hours straight by each other’s side. This was often the case with me. As long as we were together, I was happy, no matter what we were doing.
Was I losing a piece of my own identity? Possibly. Am I okay with that? Yea. I think I am.
He pulled up a sushi menu, and we decided what to order. I asked him for more comfortable attire since I had been wearing jeans all day, part of which was riding on a motorcycle.
We placed our dinner order and picked a movie relatively quickly. Before long, we were both in his bed laying next to each other to watch Hearts in Atlantis.
While we laid there, I placed my hand on his thigh with my thumb behind his knee. This was often how we watched movies. At one point he shifted a bit, so I pulled my hand back to another comfortable position. He reached down and placed my hand back from where I removed it. It sent a message to me he was enjoying the intimacy and my touch. He rarely verbalizes these sort of things to me. I never really know where I stand with him, and at times feel I am constantly auditioning for the role of the doting boyfriend. I feel it is part of the reason I am not climaxing with him. I haven’t yet felt comfortable with him where I haven’t been under pressure to make sure he likes me. I am hypersensitive to these sort of things, so when he does things like moving my hand back, I enjoy the moment for all its worth.
Our food arrived, and we ate in bed while we watched the conclusion of the movie. When it was over, we cleaned our plates, put away the leftovers and got ready for bed. Sadly, I still didn’t have a toothbrush at his place, so morning breath was sure to ensue. I did my best to brush with my toothpaste covered finger. Not very effective.
We climbed into bed and fell asleep next to each other. I’m always one for cuddling, so I would like it if we cuddled or spooned a bit before dozing off on the nights we slept together, but it wasn’t something I felt comfortable broaching just yet. Again, I was still thrilled I was sleeping over and wasn’t sent home hours earlier.
For every low point, there is a high point. The day had a nice start with a bit of an exciting/rocky afternoon. It concluded very pleasantly, so overall I had to seem is a success. I felt we were growing closer. No one spends that much time with someone unless they are extremely lonely or interested in a relationship with them. Or at least that is my line of thinking…
Follow @onegayatatimeBrooklyn
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 21, 2011
After an afternoon romp in the sheets, Smiles and I hopped on my motorcycle and rode out to Brooklyn for the day.
Smiles has a ’68 Ford Mustang parked in a garage out there, and it hadn’t been run in a few months. He wanted to make sure it would still start and take it around the block. I was thrilled because I was finally going to get to see the car! I had a crush on that car from the moment I learned of its existence, and Smiles knew this. I thought it made him sexier, and it turned me on.
Smiles rode on the back of my motorcycle clutching onto me as we rode over the Williamsburg Bridge and around Brooklyn. It was the first time had gone for a ride longer than a few blocks. I really enjoy riding with him on the bike.
We arrived at the garage and removed the cover from the car. I immediately took my phone out and began snapping pictures with my phone. I put my bike in his parking spot while he pulled the car out of the garage. I tossed my helmet in the back seat and hopped in. I immediately reached over and gave his thigh a squeeze to show him my appreciation and excitement.
As we drove down the street, every single person we passed by was enamored by the car. A kid stopped in the middle of the street with his mouth gaping as he watched the car come closer until he realized he was in the middle of the street. One man even took out his camera and snapped pictures while we sat at a stoplight. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with a crush on this car.
He proposed we grab lunch somewhere fun, so we scoped out the neighborhood as we drove. We found a parking space and decided to walk around a bit until we found a pub to grab food in, Spike Hill. We settled in, and as per usual, Smiles started chatting up the waitress. After we ordered, unbeknownst to me, he asked her, “Do you know anywhere in the neighborhood where he could get his haircut fixed.” I wasn’t thrilled with paying to have my hair fixed. I was complacent to just let it grow out, but Smiles was pretty persistent.
She gave us directions to a barber up the street, Brooklyn General Barber Emporium, and I begrudgingly agreed to partake in the hair repair excursion.
We got to the barber shop, and from the looks of it, I was a little worried. They weren’t exactly welcoming either. There was a long wait, so we decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood to kill time.
Smiles was interested in opening a bar in the area, so we scoped out some possible locations and realtors. We also popped into some cool hipster shops.
While in one of them, there were two gay men working together making a hysterical fuss. “You got to open one, so I want to open one too. It’s only fair.” “Is this the hunter green one?” “No, stupid! That one is just green.” “Well what about this one?” “That one is celery.” I couldn’t stop laughing at their commentary. I also noticed a poster on the wall I found very humorous. I was very close to buying it, if only I had someone I could give it to who would actually display it.
The time came to go back to the barber. It was getting dark, so I told Smiles we didn’t have to do it that evening. But once again, he was pretty insistent.
Finally it was my turn in the chair. I ended up with the female stylist who asked what I wanted done. She was extremely nice and full of energy. However, I use the term she loosely. I couldn’t be sure 100%, but I had my suspicions she wasn’t always a she. Regardless, she was a doll. Smiles stood in the wings while I explained what happened and what I wanted done. “Oh honey! What happened to you!? I could have done a better job drunk! You want me to butch you up?” she said. “YES!” Smiles said from behind me.
Once she started, Smiles returned to his seat intently watching her cut my hair. I found it extremely cute and adorable how he took an interest in my appearance. She asked me, “Is that your boyfriend?” I simply replied, “Yes.” Then she excused herself for the question on the off-chance I wasn’t actually gay. I told her, “No harm, no foul.”
In the end, Smiles and I were both very happy with my new haircut. I thought I was going to be very uncomfortable with it since it was so much shorter than I usually cut my hair, but I was thrilled and shocked. She really did a great job fixing my cut.
We also took the walk back to the car as an opportunity to discuss the status of my barber. He agreed that miss used to be a mister.
On the way to the garage, Smiles proposed going to see the new Twilight movie. I was surprised, because usually at this point, I get the boot. I thought I was going home after I dropped him off because he’d have plans with a friend, but that wasn’t the case. I explained to him I’d never seen any of the Twilight movies, so I was worried I’d be a little lost, but I told him I was willing if he got me caught up. He took the time to explain what I’d missed. We rode back to the garage, swapped the car for the bike and made our way back to Manhattan…
Follow @onegayatatimeSexual Energy
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 20, 2011
I was elated after my romantic dinner with Smiles. What started out as a crap shoot of a night turned out to be quite and evening for the two of us to grow our relationship.
And, like any morning I wake up next to a sexy man after a solid night’s sleep, I was ready for sex. Smiles, however, was not. I didn’t want to wake him, so I snuck out to the kitchen to brew coffee and make breakfast.
Shortly thereafter, Smiles joined me in the kitchen. He came up behind me while I was making eggs and sausage, wrapped his arms around me and planted a kiss on my neck. Now, this is how I like to spend my morning. He grabbed a stool and sat at the counter while I finished preparing breakfast. He detailed for me his back pain, so I did my best to massage it out. It was no use. The knot was huge and not going anywhere anytime soon. Smiles called his energy specialist and made an appointment for that afternoon.
After we finished breakfast, we hopped on my bike and made our way into the city. We were in a bit of a rush to get him to his appointment on time. I dropped him in front of the building and told him I’d join shortly. I was going to poke around the shops in Limelight since I’d never been. He looked a little disappointed I wasn’t coming up, so I made it a point not to dawdle in the shops. I walked up to the “office” and entered the door. I had no idea what to expect since I did not utilize these types of services. I barely even go to a regular physician.
When I walked in, an attractive man who I can only compare to Matthew McConaughey by the way he was dressed greeted me as I explained I was there with Smiles. He invited me into a room with six massage tables occupied by people of all ages and types. I sat on the couch while Smiles had his energy “fixed” watching this man work his magic. He took the time to explain and demonstrate things to me while he worked. I feel he felt the need to prove something to me as a skeptic.
When Smiles finished, he joined me on the couch. I have to admit, while a skeptic, I felt the knot before his energy session, and I also felt the absence of a knot after. It was impressive. When he composed himself, we got ready to leave. The specialist said to Smiles, “You didn’t tell me you were dating Ed Norton.” I know it was meant as a compliment, but I wasn’t sure if I saw it as one. Regardless, I smiled and said goodbye.
We hopped back on the motorcycle and made our way to Smiles’ apartment. He needed to shower before continuing with his day, so I sat on the couch waiting for him.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. When he was done, he walked towards me in a towel, and I took the opportunity to seduce him. I grabbed the towel and pulled him closer. The towel almost fell off, but instead just exposed his manhood to me while we kissed passionately. I took hold of his exposed member and began to pleasure him.
He backed away and said, “C’mon,” as he walked to the bedroom. He stripped off my clothes, and we hopped into bed. We were FINALLY having sex again. We rolled around between the sheets until he found his way on his back. Not only were we finally having sex, but I got to top again. With his legs on my shoulders, I told him I wanted to see him finish because I knew it was something that usually excited me enough to get me off.
Of course, this wasn’t the case once again for me. He expressed his desire to make me cum. At that moment, I knew it was going to be nearly impossible for me to finish. We talked shortly about the issue. I assured him it was through no fault of his own. I laid next to him and attempted to finish myself off, but I couldn’t conquer the pressure. After what felt like five minutes, I gave up and apologized.
Smiles rinsed off in the shower, and I followed shortly after. While he was in the shower, I tried to see if I was able to climax without him in the room. I wasn’t successful. But, while in the shower, I filed through my mental spank bank and was able to climax. I never told Smiles about that out of embarrassment and the struggle to figure out what was preventing me from fully enjoying sex.
I was still trying to get over the shame of my embarrassing moment while still trying to enjoy the fact we had good sex after a dry spell. I got dressed, and we discussed our plan for the day. We were heading out to Brooklyn to run some errands, but I was mostly concerned with trying to enjoy the day without harping on the afternoon’s uncomfortable exchange…
Follow @onegayatatimeYou Make Me Smile
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 16, 2011
Over the next few days, I thought a lot about my relationship with Smiles. It was a constant roller-coaster. As far as relationships go, I am an infant. I’ve had all of five real relationships in my life, including this one. I was still learning how to be in one.
I needed to clear my head. For three days straight, I woke up early to run. It was the perfect way to start my day, I allowed me time to think without really being distracted, and I was able to work towards my spiteful goal of losing my pudge as Smiles so gently pointed out.
It was also beginning to be quite a busy week for me at work. Tuesday I worked until midnight. I talked to Smiles that night when I had a break to make dinner plans with him for the following night. Since I started dating him, I purchased a lot of Groupons for restaurants, so I thought it was time to start using them up. I was eating out at restaurants a lot more than I would have if I weren’t dating Smiles. This was the perfect way to lighten the blow to my wallet. As I left work, I texted, “Dinner tomorrow night maybe? Just leaving work (12:00) :(”
It wasn’t until the morning when I got a response: “Morning! Just getting this. I went to bed early last night. Dinner tonight works.” I explained the Groupon I purchased for Philip Marie in the West Village and asked him if he was okay with the choice. “Sounds good if you get off before 12!” he replied.
Later that Wednesday afternoon, Smiles called to make sure I was still getting out on time, otherwise he was going to grab dinner with some of his friends. I got where he was coming from, but it also felt a little like he was trying to get out of our date. I assured him I would not be working late. As the afternoon progressed, he asked about what time we’d meet, joking about “a blue plate special at 6:30” when I told him I’d be done around 6:30/7:00. We made plans to grab dinner at 7:30. I took the opportunity to slip a joke in there about his grandpa status and his ability to make it until 7:30, and he retorted by saying, “I’m stressed. It makes me sleepy. I’ll bring my cane.”
We sat in the front window of the restaurant, and after we ordered drinks, we dove into conversation. We talked about family and career goals among other things. He talked about his desire to be beyond financially stable so he could spend more time with his family. He is not originally from the Northeast, so spending time with his family isn’t the easiest or most convenient. He also talked about his desire to build an empire. He is very passionate about a lot of different business ventures, many of which are sound ideas. However, sometimes I worry he tries to take too much on his plate at once.
The conversation was great. It was a conversation two people in a relationship would have, not two people who were just dating. I joked with him, “You’re going to be the next Nate Berkus.”
Oooooo, did I get a look! Apparently, Smiles met him in the past, and isn’t the biggest fan of him as a person. “Okay. Note to self: Don’t equate you to Nate Berkus ever again,” I said with a smile.
When the waiter came to ask us about desert, Smiles started a conversation with him like he always does. He asked if we were his only table, and the waiter described his other table. It was a man and a woman who he suspected were on a first date. We joked about our date. While we weren’t on a first date, he was learning all kinds of new things about me, such as my penchant for Black Friday shopping. He took the opportunity to take a few playful jabs at my sanity while we all had a good laugh.
After we paid our bill, we started to walk the five blocks towards the PATH. Instead, we walked about eight blocks. That was about the time Smiles realized we’d gone too far. He questioned the situation, but I explained how I was enjoying the conversation and was willing to walk back up to the PATH if I needed to. We were standing in front of a liquor store while he finished the story he was telling. When he finished, I grabbed his jacket and pulled him in closer so I could kiss him. For the first time, I felt like we were really kissing. We exchanged many affectionate kisses before finally pulling away from each other.
At that point, he said, “Why don’t you live in the city?” I laughed and replied, “Was that a subtle hint? I’m not that far!” And with that, I walked away with a smile from ear to ear. I finally felt like we had moved beyond going on dates with each other. We were dating. We were in a relationship, and I was very happy!
When I got back to Hoboken, I sent a text, “You make me smile 🙂 .” Shortly following he responded, “That’s a good thing cause I ain’t so easy to like all the time!”
I was REALLY HAPPY with everything that night. I was getting the validation I needed. I was also looking forward to Friday. That was the first time I’d be able to see him next since I play volleyball every Thursday. That would also be when I would once again attempt to seduce him and attempt to roll around with him in bed…
Follow @onegayatatimeVanity Without the [Af]Fair
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on December 15, 2011
When I arrived back at Smiles‘ apartment, we agreed upon watching a movie and ordering take-out. He was in the mood for barbecue, so we pulled up a menu online to figure out what to order. We also took the time to pick a movie to pull up on Netflix since Smiles doesn’t subscribe to cable.
Throughout all this, I started getting handsy. He was sitting in his computer chair, and I stood behind him massaging his shoulders and then his chest. I had my hands down his shirt caressing his chest in a very sensual motion. He was really enjoying it, which means I too was enjoying the moment. He commented, “This feels better than the Asian woman who gives me a massage. You’re more relaxing than she is. I should save my money and come to you.” I took this as a great compliment and continued to pleasure him.
After some time, I backed up and sat on the couch. He was going back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. I stuck out my finger and beckoned him to come closer. I pulled him down on my lap, and we sat there embracing for some time. After about two minutes of silence, just enjoying our closeness, we started to chat a bit. When he had his fill, he started to back away, but I pulled him in closer and told him, “I’m not done yet.” We both laughed and he tightened his embrace.
Our dinner order was placed, and our movie chosen. He grabbed my hand and led me to the bedroom, and we hopped into bed to watch Vanity Fair. Smiles was very cuddly throughout the entire movie. We changed positions periodically to ensure consistent blood flow and comfort, but I was really enjoying snuggling with him. He had been very sweet from the moment I walked in the door.
About half way through the movie, we realized our food hadn’t arrived. Smiles called to inquire and was told it would arrive shortly. When another half hour passed before we saw our food, he called again to complain. Just then the food arrived. We paused the movie, filled our plates and made our way back to the bedroom.
When the movie was over, we cuddled and spooned and chatted a bit. I was happy. Things started getting more playful when I pulled up his shirt and started to blow raspberries on his stomach. He went off in a fit of laughter. He then resorted to pulling any body hair I have. I told him that was just plain mean. I told him that was my mother’s defense mechanism when I would joke around with her as a kid.
This segwayed into exchanging fun stories from our childhood. I was really beginning to feel like I had a boyfriend. Yup. I said it. I just used the “b word.” I didn’t say this to him, but I began to think about it. I felt very close to him at that moment.
Smiles began to become very relaxed and slowly started drifting off towards sleep. I was gently rubbing his whole body while he dozed off. We were spooning, and I slide my hand between his thighs and started to massage his manhood. It wasn’t long before my hand was pulled away with a grunt.
I know I said I was going to bring it up the next time I was denied, but I chickened out. I was a little taken back by it. He had been affectionate all night, but when I tried to make a move, my seduction was shot down.
At this point, my ego was in the toilet. I quietly spooned a few minutes longer before we hugged and kissed goodnight. I found myself in the very familiar situation of walking home alone pondering why the guy I was so strongly attracted to was so distant from me on so many levels. I tried to think about how great the day was instead of the unhappy ending, but I’ve never been good at fooling myself. I’m far too much of a realist.
I needed a new game-plan, but it wasn’t going to be an easy one to come up with…
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 