Posts Tagged roommate
Boston in the House
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 21, 2011
The next day, I did my best to forget the Grindr guy quickly. He was just a body I used, and the guilt I felt for using another human being like that was more than I could take. I disgusted myself. Not to mention what I did to N. I betrayed his trust. Something that is devastating to me, because if I’m nothing, I’m honest. I did exactly what I thought he did, and it didn’t make it any better. Just worse.
Much to my pleasure, Boston was visiting for the weekend. We planned it weeks prior and the day finally arrived. It just so happened we picked Pride Weekend in NYC for his visit. Perfect timing.
I left work at 2:00 to pick Boston up from Port Authority. However, his bus didn’t arrive for another two hours. I sat across the street at Schnipper’s Quality Kitchen reading the gay edition of the Village Voice. I found a lot of interesting articles to entertain myself while I waited. Especially the “Why I Hate Being Gay!” article. Once he arrived, we grabbed a quick lunch and hopped back on a bus to Hoboken.
That night, I planned an elaborate seafood dinner to welcome Boston and invited many of my friends, some of which he previously met in Miami. They too were excited to see him again. He’s just a good guy you always want to be around.
After he dropped his bags and got settled, Boston and I walked to the grocery store to get the few ingredients I needed to make the meal that night. I was going all out, with every kind of seafood I could think of. The night before I went to the store and bought so much seafood, the guy gave me a bunch of free things because I “just made his night” buying so much. He is a very nice older gentleman who I believe plays for my team. Boston was a really good friend who was always there for me when I needed an ear to talk off. I was going to treat him like a king while he visited.
When we got back, we talked while I prepared the meal. People slowly started trickling in, and everyone pitched in to help. We were all having fun, and Boston was getting to know a few of my friends. One friend was absent, however. N was nowhere to be found. He knew that I was making this meal. I had been talking about it the entire week leading up to Boston’s visit. Where the hell was he?
Finally, I got ahold of him via text, and he told me he was still at the gym and would be missing dinner. He was going to come by later after he showered. I was a little disappointed in him. I wanted him to be there, and he knew it. We were already on shaky ground with everything that was happening, and this was just one more thing to fan the flames. I told him I would save him some if he was lucky. He said, “I’ll just grab something now, and snack on it after the bar later tonight.” That got me even more annoyed. I felt like I was being treated like a short order cook.
While we ate, the wine was flowing, and following dinner, the spirits were too. Everyone was pregaming before we went off to the bar. Finally, N arrived. We already decided on a bar. My favorite bar, McSwiggans. I’m treated like royalty there. I know every bartender, bounce, and manager, and they take GOOD care of me. Once we were all properly lubricated, we journeyed to the bar.
It was a good scene. Lots of people dancing and having fun, and because I’m well connected there, we didn’t have to wait in line. Some of my friends who were unable to make it to dinner were meeting us at the bar. One of my old roommates was already there with his friend having a blast. I introduced Boston to more of my friends, and we all had a blast.
N and I were particularly flirtatious that night. We had been to this bar together, but it is definitely a straight bar. We normally let our guard down there because we feel comfortable, but that night we were probably obvious. We did everything but kiss right in the middle of the crowd. I was having a good time with him. All the problems drifted away. I was also happy to have Boston finally come visit, and he was having a good time too.
Apparently, N forgot I told him Boston is gay. He began to tell me how perfect a match he would be for his roommate until I reminded him. Then, I think he started to crush on him a little, as well as my old roommate. He kept on talking about how attractive they both are and how perfect my old roommate would be for his roommate as well. He was “just her type.” I tried to brush off the fact that he was telling me how he was attracted to my friends. It was off-putting, but I assumed it was innocent.
After some time, the three gay amigos started to bond. There was a very attractive guy who I had often seen at McSwiggans. We always made eye contact, but never spoke and never exchanged anything of substance. I always wondered which team he played for, and I expressed this to the two other gay men I was with. I felt bad for pointing this guy out in front of N, but he talked about the guys in the gym on a regular basis, so I didn’t feel that terrible. We all have terrible gaydar, but I thought our forces combined would be able to work it out. We couldn’t come to agreement, so we sent in the troops. Boston volunteered to walk past him on his way to the bathroom and cup his ass with his hand while he did. We would hypothesize his sexuality based on his reaction.
When Boston returned from the restrooms, he informed us how much of this guys ass he grasped. “I got a serious handful and a long feel. He didn’t budge an inch. I can’t decide what that means!” So, it would still remain a mystery.
The rest of the night was spent drinking a lot more and dancing our asses off. We had a blast. When the closing bell rang, Boston, N and myself walked back to my apartment. We hung out on the balcony for a while until I fell asleep on N’s shoulder. At that point, he tried to carry me to bed, but only woke me up. I walked to my bed while they walked to get slices of pizza. I immediately passed out again as soon as I hit the sheets. I only know N spent the night because he was in my bed the next morning…
Follow @onegayatatimeNext Day Fallout
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 15, 2011
Following the iPhone debacle of 2011, I couldn’t manage to contact N. I couldn’t exactly walk across the street and buzz at his door either, since his roommates had no idea who I was. But I was a little worried. He was drunk the night before and didn’t come over for his pizza – very unlike him to leave food, but very like him to just pass out somewhere.
I had an epiphany. I hit him up on Facebook. I figured he’d check it at some point since he didn’t have his phone. Midday, he messaged me back and gave me his roommates phone number. He also told me he wouldn’t be around for the day because he was going home for father’s day. I texted him on her phone, and he answered back. He said he was still in Hoboken because he was calling around to cab companies to try to find his phone. I told him I felt sorry for him, and I wish I could do something to help. Shortly after, we spoke on the phone, and I asked him if he wanted to hang out on the pier. He said he’d stop by shortly.
Around 2:00 in the afternoon, I asked him if he was still coming to the pier when I hadn’t heard from him for hours. At 3:30 I finally got a response. They had been cleaning the house after the party the night before. He also told me they were getting dressed and coming down. At 5:00 I told him I was heading over to D and K’s, my friends’ apartment for a bbq I invited him to earlier. He texted back, “Just got here.”
I was just hopping on my bike to head to the grocery store. I took my motorcycle helmet off and walked back to the pier. He and his roommate were sitting there sipping Dunkin Donuts. I sat down next to them to talk about the night before. His roommate was still giving him a hard time for ditching her on her birthday to go to a different bar. I felt bad because I had a feeling he did it to see me, but I certainly didn’t put a gun to his head. I didn’t even ask him to come. I just told him where I was. I asked if they were both going to come to the bbq. They both agreed to come. I told them I would grab some food for the three of us to contribute.
When the time came to go to the bbq, his roommate didn’t want to come. N and I walked over to my D and K’s. We had a great time relaxing. I was trying to distract N from the fact that he lost his phone. After we all ate, we decided it would be a good idea for all of us to smoke. So, the two of us walked back to N’s apartment to get supplies. He wanted me to come in with him, but, again, I knew better.
Some of his roommates would be home and it would create an awkward situation. I waited by the fence while he ran inside. He tried over and over to coax me in, but I stood my ground.
When he came back outside a minute later, he told me two of his roommates were home relaxing on the couch, and we walked back to the bbq. “See!” I said. Once back, I made a deal with everyone not to let me eat everything in sight. I told them to keep me away from more food at all costs. We all smoked. Some of us had unique reactions, and we all had a good laugh about it. I was yelling at my friend because he didn’t have the munchies yet, but I did. It wasn’t fair. But I still wasn’t going to eat.
We decided to clean up and move inside. We carried everything back to the kitchen, and N and I plopped down on the couch together. I snuggled up next to him, but he wasn’t the only thing I snuggled up next to. I sat there with a tub of artichoke dip from Costco and went to town. They all laughed at my failure to stay away from the food. They all failed me as well. No one did their job keeping food out of my reach. N was also being slightly distant. I wasn’t sure if he just wasn’t feeling me that night or what. Maybe he wasn’t thrilled with the PDA, but we had done it before in front of those same friends. I chalked it up to him still being angry or distracted about losing his phone.
That night was no different than any other night. I hadn’t slept with N in a few nights, so he spent the night. We fooled around and had fun. I really appreciated getting to spend some time with him after barely seeing him all weekend. Maybe I was smothering him, but it was too easy to call him to come over when he lived right across the street. And, I never heard him complain. But, as far as I could tell, we were both happy. I was very happy to have him in my life. And, with that, I went to bed…
Follow @onegayatatimeRomantic Dinner for 2
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 13, 2011
There were many nights I cooked for N and I. I enjoy cooking so much because I enjoy eating so much. It was also nice to have someone to take care of again. Tonight was a different story.
N had offered to make me his famous eggplant parmesan. He told me every time he’s made it, his friends have raved about the results. I told him, “I’ll have to judge that for myself.” The night before, he said he would make it for me for dinner the following night.
We spoke earlier in the day about how to pull it off for him to make dinner at my apartment. I hadn’t been in the pool in weeks, and I finally had the opportunity to get back in, so I wanted to swim that night. I was trying to get back into summer shape, and who doesn’t want to look good for their man?
The plan was for me to hide my key somewhere outside my apartment, so, when he got home, he could just come over and start cooking right away.
This may have been a dream of mine – Coming home to a fully cooked meal made by the man I couldn’t stop thinking about all day long. Does it get any better than that? However, I was skeptical. In the back of my mind, I was expecting to arrive home to find he hadn’t even made it over to my apartment yet.
If he was already cooking, he was working hard. And, he deserved a small reward for his hard work. I got out of the pool a little early. I couldn’t take the excitement anymore. After I finished my pool workout, since I 
was the only one in the locker room, I decided to take a few shots of myself in my drag suit to text to him. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated what he was doing for me, and I also wanted to get his engine revving for what I was going to do with him for desert.
After I got dressed, I hopped on my motorcycle and sped home as fast as I could. I checked my phone as I was keying into my apartment building, and I had no responses from the texts I sent. Now, I was legitimately worried he wasn’t there yet (If I was smart, I would have looked to see if the keys had been taken from the hiding place). But much to my pleasure, he didn’t let me down. It was incredibly sexy walking in the door to see him hovering over the stove making us a meal. I was sooooo turned on.
After asking if I could help in any way and being politely turned down, I plopped myself down on the bar stool and watched him cook. It sure was a nice change to not have to play chef. At one point, my roommate came home. She immediately made a comment about how strange it was seeing me sitting on the stool instead of standing in front of the stove. I explained to her he was cooking us a romantic meal, and I wasn’t about to mess with a good thing when I had it. She got the hint and went into her room.
I went to the wine fridge and picked out one of my favorite bottles. This truly was a special occasion. When the meal was ready, I went into my room and grabbed a few candles to put on the table we were eating on. I thanked him with a big kiss and dug in. I never had eggplant parmesan before, but this was spectacular! He wasn’t kidding about how good it was, but now I was experiencing it in my mouth. If you can’t tell by now, I’m a foodie. He truly found the way to my heart. The first few bites were all followed up with a kiss. We ate and ate until we gorged ourselves. Luckily, we had leftovers. I would be able to relive the memory of this night a few more times.
Following dinner, he went into my room to use my facilities. I began to make us desert – a simple dish, but one I knew he loved. I sauteed sliced up fresh peaches in a pan with a splash of oil and a dash of Splenda. This was our way of making a slightly healthier desert. However, when I finished making desert, and he still hadn’t returned from my room, I assumed he passed out on my bed. He had a habit of passing out on me. I tip-toed down the hall to see, but he was still using the restroom. I heard a magazine page being flipped, and it all began to make sense.
When he finally emerged from the bathroom to find me on the couch with the rest of our wine and two bowls of peaches and whipped cream, he said, “Oh. I didn’t know you were making that for us tonight. I thought you were just making it to have around.” I told him he was dense, and we dug into our desert. This of course was followed up with some heavy petting and a lot of making out, until we moved things to the bedroom. That night, we both had a great time. I wanted to make sure I pleased him good! And he certainly reciprocated.
The night was simple, but spectacular. I had amazing food and an amazing man to share it with. What else could I ask for? And with that, I fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face.
On a side note, I just found this video yesterday. It’s an adorable take on gay marriage. Totally cute and brought tears to my eyes. Very relevant as NY just legalized gay marriage. Check it out.
Follow @onegayatatimeHeart-to-Heart
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 11, 2011
That Saturday, on the way home from the lake, we stopped and picked up supplies for a bbq that night. I was making a ton of food and invited a bunch of friends and the two new roommates. They hadn’t met yet, and I thought it would be a good idea to get them together if they were going to be living together. Plus, I wanted to spend time with my man, N, and I wanted to show him off to my friends.
The one thing I have to say about my friends, besides the fact that I love them all, is they all get along with each other. No matter what computation of friends I pull together, they always seem to be able to chat amongst themselves and have a good time.
We started off with muscles for an appetizer, and they were a huge hit! Everyone loved them! We all gathered around the island in my kitchen and ate while we talked. N’s roommate was also invited that night. I had yet to meet her but heard so much about her already. I was only hoping she would like me because I knew her opinion would carry a lot of weight. She came by after a few people had already arrived and settled in. We were introduced, and I immediately knew I would get along with her. She had a spitfire personality and was very attractive. So much so, that all my male friends asked to be set up with her. I know better though. Most wouldn’t getting anywhere near her. At least not with my help.
We moved things out to the balcony while I grilled burgers for everyone. The wine and beer were flowing, and everyone was having a great time. When everyone finished eating, I started to clean up and put things away. About half way through, N came in and asked if he could help me. I thought it was very sweet and thanked him for the offer, but told him, “I got it. Go back and enjoy the party.”
When 10:30 rolled around, we started to make moves to a bar. N’s roommate had friends at the Turtle Club, so we decided to go there. We all piled in and ordered drinks. Some in the group found entertainment in the company of others, while a bunch of us stuck together in a group. I had the opportunity to talk to N’s roommate one-on-one. At one point, I asked the burning question to ask her. “Where do your other roommates thing N is all the time? Don’t they notice that he’s never sleeping there.” She told me that he spends a lot of time a the gym and they just assume he’s there all the time. We talked a little more about N and myself and I told her how much I liked him. She told me she thought I was cool and good for him. I really enjoyed getting to pull her aside and bond with her a little. She means a lot to him, and she is like his little sister.
I spent most of the night at the bar not with N. He was talking to other friends and dancing most of the night. I thought it was great. He was bonding with my friends, I was bonding with his. Our lives were becoming integrated.
Of course, we all had a lot to drink that night, but N had a little more than most. When the time came to go home, he came to my place and ordered food. We laid on the couch watching TV until he fell asleep on me once again. When the food arrived, I attempted to wake him up, but to no avail. I signed for his food, put it in the fridge and went to bed. I was a little annoyed, but what could I do. He was out like a narcolept. If he wanted to pass out on the couch again, he was going to feel uncomfortable once again the next morning…
Follow @onegayatatimeBon Voyage
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 29, 2011
Memorial Day was approaching quickly, and I had no plans. Anything I did at this point was going to be a staycation. I checked with my neighbor, and his plans were to go down to the shore for the holiday weekend. He left that Friday and came back the following Monday.
I was in the midst of trying to find new roommates and a new apartment. I scheduled multiple showings with my broker to see apartments that day, all the while trying to monitor craigslist to see if I got any hits for prospective roommates. Needless to say, I was stressed.
I really needed a distraction from my crumbling home life. My apartment is for sale and could be bought any second, and both my roommates were moving out. I felt all alone. I went for a long hard run since it was such a nice day. I figured I could at least put the nervous energy to good use. But when I finished my run, my anxiety returned.
That night I had a BBQ and invited a bunch of my friends over. One of my best friends since moving to Hoboken, her roommate, 2 other girls they brought into the group, and one of the girl’s male friends visiting from San Diego all came with wine in hand. My sister and one of my other good friends, K, also joined the party with ample supplies.
The BBQ was nice and got my mind off things for a time, but it was still in the back of my head. I posted to facebook my unhappy status, “Feeling very alone right now.” North Carolina read this and immediately texted me.
“Feeling pretty down? What’s wrong? I’m feeling pretty alone myself right now…”
We exchanged texts. He was missing the man he met while on vacation in Florida. I explained my roommate situation. He jokingly said that he’d move in, but wouldn’t be able to until July 1. He explained that his gay roommate was making very inappropriate passes at him, and it was making him very uncomfortable. He sent me some of the messages, and my jaw nearly hit the floor. I called his bluff and told him to move in. This wouldn’t be the first time he was slated to move in.
We talked back-n-forth for some time, and I convinced him to come out to the apartment for a BBQ the following night. I invited my sister, K, D, and his girlfriend L as well. We had another great time with food and wine all night. After we ate, my sister, K, and NC all went out to the bars. We bounced from dead spot to dead spot, the whole time bonding with NC.
We talked about Grindr and our hookups and the guys we were pursuing. We talked about winging for each other and how great it would be to live together. We also chatted about the status of my relationship with my neighbor, a coworker and previous hookup of his. At the time, they were not getting along. Both of them thought they were better than the other, and their egos were getting the better of them. NC told me I was a gook-looking guy, and I could do much better than him. He told me about the night they hooked up, which I would later find was contradictory to the other party’s recollection of the night. However, I was really happy with where the situation was headed, but I wouldn’t relax until he signed a check.
He ended up spending the night in my roommates room. When I got him settled in, and went to my room, I noticed he never closed the door. He is a very attractive man, and I definitely had some sexual attraction to him, but he was going to be my roommate. I don’t sh*t where I eat. I wasn’t going to make a move. I laid in my bed wondering if I would hear a knock at my door. But none came, and I drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, he woke and had to be back home early. He borrowed a T-shirt, and we walked towards the PATH. I was meeting some of the girls from the first BBQ night. As we walked, he sounded 99% committed to moving in. He had to make sure he could get out of his current place first. As we went to say goodbye, I extended my hand for a handshake, but he pulled me in for a hug. It was a very nice gesture and was very appreciated.
Memorial Day was spent lounging on the pier in Hoboken trying to get some color. My neighbor and I had been texting most of the day, as he was on his way back from the shore. Before heading home, he came and met me at the pier. We sat and chatted a bit, and he talked with many of my friends.
That night he came over for dinner and spent the night. It was very nice getting to see him after being away. We had a nice time both in bed and out.
That Wednesday I was slated to go to Memphis for an important business trip. After him being away, I wanted to see him the night before my business trip. I knew I’d be gone for the next 2 days and would be stressed. I wanted to get some quality time in with him.
The next morning, I finished packing while he got ready for work. We said goodbye and decided we would talk later in the day. He was very supportive and sent me texts wishing me luck on my trip. This was really starting to feel like a strong relationship.
P.S. North Carolina would eventually not move in because he got a job with a consulting firm and moved back home to save money until he got placed on a project… Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you!
Follow @onegayatatimeStood Up
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 6, 2011
I’m not sure what it is about the gay dating world, but no one seems to have a sense of commitment. I can’t tell you how many times I tried to plan a date with a guy I clicked with on adam4adam.com or Grindr, and last minute, they either canceled, or just went completely dark. I have been cancelled on three times as often as I have gone on dates. I know the gay world is more prone to promiscuity, but c’mon guys! Lock it down. Either show up, or be man enough to own up to the reason why you can’t show up.
A little background about me: I’m a very nice and forgiving guy. You really have to screw me over to get me p*ssed off at you. I give countless chances to redeem yourself. I may be a doormat, but I have also found if you give people a second chance, you may be pleasantly surprised.
A few of the guys got more chances than others, quite simply because they were gorgeous. Even if we didn’t hit it off, I wanted to go out with them to just stare at them. Others fell by the wayside after a few attempts. I was getting to the point where I scheduled 2 dates a night because I knew one would back out last minute.
Like with dates, I give roommates more chances than they deserve. Since I moved to Hoboken, I’ve been a revolving door for roommates. I’ve had 11 roommates in 5 years at 2 different apartments. When the time came for my one of my roommates and I to find yet another replacement roommate, I turned to my tried and true friend, Craigslist. At this point, I could be a professional Craigslister. Not only have I written my own posts, but friends have requested I write theirs after their own return no quality results.
One respondent to my ad included his Facebook profile link. When I clicked the link, I immediately noticed how hot he was. He had an amazing body in his shirtless on the beach profile picture. As I scrolled down to the bottom of his info page, I noticed it said, “Interested in men.” I assume the Facebook link was his subtle way of addressing his homosexuality.
This was definitely a pleasant surprise. I was in desperate need of gay friends, and a new gay roommate could be a lot of fun. It would also make the coming out to a new roommate thing less awkward for me.
I reached out to him, and got no response. (Here is where my tenacious personality took over where most would have given up). I sent him an follow-up email explaining I was gay and thought it would be great to have him meet us and check out the apartment. Apparently that was the bait I needed to lure him in. We all clicked, he loved the place and agreed to move in.
When it came time to sign paperwork, all of a sudden, he backed out. He gave me an excuse about the possibility of his job transferring him to North Carolina in a few months.
Fast-forward 6 months later to me cruising Grindr. To my amazement, who do I find? Mr. North Carolina. I sent him a message just saying, “Hey. What’s up?”
He responded, “Hey man. Very hot! What’s going on?”
I debated whether to play games for a little while or to tell him who I was. I responded, “You know me btw…” And I told him who I was.
Ten seconds later, I received a text message from him, “You??? Damn, you look good man!”
We started chatting, and I asked him if he wanted to go out for drinks sometime. I was attracted to him physically, but after he bailed on living with me, unfriended me on Facebook, blocked me on G-chat and AIM and stopped answering my text messages, I wasn’t so sure he was relationship material. I wasn’t expecting anything to happen, but if it did, I probably wouldn’t fight it.
We picked a Friday to go out for happy hour drinks. When 5:00 rolled around, I texted him. Of course, I got complete darkness. No response. No explanation. Finally, I gave up and went home. I texted him on Saturday to see what happened. Instead of just being honest and texting me Friday to say, “Hey, I’m kinda tired. Can we reschedule?” he decided to come up with an elaborate story.
We still texted, but after the second time he bailed on me, I told him the ball was in his court as far as the next time we would hang out.
Later, he texted me about his awkward living situation in which his roommate was sexually harassing him. So, when I got the news of yet another roommate moving out, I reached out to him. He came to Hoboken for a barbeque at my apartment and to hit up the bar scene. We got along great. He agreed to move in. Just goes to show, if you give people another chance, they may surprise you.
Finally, I would have a gay roommate/friend/wingman. However, this of course would pose a whole new load of drama in my life, but that’s another post for another day…
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 