Posts Tagged kiss
Prince Charming
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 13, 2011
Saturday morning, I woke up without an alarm and laid in my bed. I picked up my tablet and began checking my emails, Twitter, Facebook, and finally, my adam4adam.com profile. I received numerous messages, as usual, but mainly from old men and thugs. However, there was a message from one guy in particular. He started off by telling me I had a great body, which is always a plus in my book.
His messages had a certain sass about them. I really liked it. I can really appreciate a man who knows how to verbally spar. There was also some heavy flirting going on. He said, “Can you drop that towel?” I replied, “Haha. Do you know how many people have said that to me?” To which he responded, “Yeah, but do they also ask you to turn around and pick it right back up? I wanna see it all! đ “He pointed out we chatted before on Grindr. The conversation never went anywhere, but there was nothing that showed it to be a failure. We chatted earlier in the month about where we lived and where we went to the gym.
In one of my pictures on a4a, I am seated on my motorcycle. He was very turned on by this and told me he wanted to go for a ride sometime. Through the course of the conversation, I also learned he taught flight lessons at a nearby airport. I made a deal with him that he could ride on the back of my motorcycle if I got a ride in his airplane. I told him I would drive him to the hanger at the airport, and we could reenact some scenes from Top Gun.
He did one better than that. He offered to fly me to mid-state New York for lunch, with the possibility of handing over the controls. Learning to fly has always been on my lifeâs to-do list. I was thrilled! I assured him I wasnât just attracted to him for his flying abilities. He suggested we go out for a drink sometime and suggested a biergarten in Jersey City. He told me to check it out online and let him know if it was my speed. When I told him Iâd been many times, he was elated because many of his friends felt it was âtoo straight.â I explained to him how âstraightâ I was, and assured him the biergarten was not a problem. He added, “Even if no attraction you are someone I think I can hang out with ;)”
After chatting more, I realized I really liked this guy. He had great energy, and he was a complete gentleman. I was excited to meet him, so, although it was raining, I suggested we grab a drink that day. He had a lot he needed to do, but agreed to meet up later. He conveyed to me on a miserable day such as we were having, he would stay home and cook dinner. He offered to cook me dinner at his apartment, but suggested we grab the drink first to make sure weâre comfortable with each other. I happily agreed.
Later that evening, he picked me up in his car to go to the bar. We werenât even a block before he turned to me and asked, âSo do you feel comfortable with me?â I loved his honesty and candor. It was just my speed.
We arrived at one of my local bars, OâNiealâs, and each ordered a beer. Over small talk, we both gulped our beers. It was obvious we were attracted to each other, and I thought he was a great guy. He was definitely worthy of making me dinner; especially after learning he also went to culinary school. Over beers, I also learned he is a flight attendant, but is only a few short months away from becoming a pilot for a major airline. I liked his sense of initiative and goals. It was a turn-on.
I paid the tab, and we drove to the liquor store to get beer and wine. On the way, he turned to me and said, âJust to be up-front and honest, I want to tell you I live with my ex-partner. Is that an issue for you?â I told him it wasnât. If there was something going on there, I doubt he would have brought it up. Once again, his honesty and candor were rather refreshing. At the liquor store, he wouldnât allow me to purchase anything. âYou bought everything for dinner. The least you can do is let me buy the booze!â I insisted. He refused
When we arrived at his apartment, first, I was shocked by how close in proximity we were to my apartment, and second, his apartment was gorgeous. He slipped into something more comfortable and quickly gave me a tour while we talked about his job and his roommates.
We made our way to the kitchen to start on dinner. I love to cook, so I asked if there was anything I could do to help. He told me, âJust sit there and keep me company. Iâm really enjoying having you here.â He told me the menu, and I was duly impressed. Fillet mignon, lobster tails, spinach and bacon, grilled onions and caesar salad with dressing made from scratch. I was really enjoying watching someone else who enjoyed themselves so thoroughly in the kitchen. I was happy we both shared a passion for food and cooking. I could watch him cook for hours. I was becoming more and more attracted to him by the second.
The conversation while he cooked was very special as well. I learned a few things about his previous relationship with his roommate and his feelings on monogamy. As I got to know him, I realized there are good gay men out there. He gave me hope. Just when I thought he couldnât get any better, he walked towards me with a beckoning finger so he could give me a kiss. It was, to say the least, magical. He was a great kisser and the gesture was perfect. I was swooning. Already, this was the best date Iâve ever been on, and we werenât even half way through it.
After going out to the grill to flip the steaks, he came back in and sat on my lap. We made out a little bit, and I truly learned how good and passionate a kisser he was. I didnât want to stop.
When he finished making the meal, we took our plates and made our way into the living room to eat. Everything was DELICIOUS, including him. I couldnât thank him enough. No man ever treated me this way before. It made me realize the potential of a real relationship with a man.
When we finished eating, we moved on to desert. We started making out on the couch and really began to enjoy ourselves. When we were down to our underwear, we took a quick break for him to ask me which position I was. When we discovered our compatibility, we made our way down the hall to his bedroom. He stripped off his briefs as we walked, so I followed suit. He was super sexy, and I was excited to be heading to his bed. I was really into this guy on so many levels.
That night, we had great sex! I was impressed with myself by how easily I made him climax. The chemistry was there both in the bedroom and out. I was head-over-heels for this guy with each passing minute. When we had our fill, we set an alarm for me and fell asleep spooning.
The next morning, when we woke, I was feeling particularly horny and frisky. I wanted to go for a second round, but I donât think he was on the same page. After a short make-out session, he offered to make coffee and breakfast. He had already done enough. There was no way in hell I was allowing him to make me breakfast, but I would take a cup of coffee. After we cuddled on the couch a bit and he showed me some videos from his flight classes, he drove me home so I could get ready for work. Of course, I went to work late that day, and it was worth every second.
That day at work, we texted a bit. When the time came, I said goodbye and told him to be safe on his flight that evening. I couldnât wait for his return and the possibility of seeing him again. I wasnât completely sure where his head was, but it seemed like he was equally excited as I was at the prospect of a second date. This was just what I needed to help me forget about Pillow. Even if I never saw him again, I learned that the type of guy I am looking for really does exist out there. I was just hoping there were more like him our there. Either that, or I really hoped I finally wrangled my unicorn!
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 9, 2011
After my first date with Pillow, I was very excited to see him again. However, I would have to wait a week. When the day finally arrived, I was very excited. I tried my best all day to get my work done to ensure a timely exit. After the debacle of picking restaurants last time, I put the burden on him to choose where we would go. We talked a few times during the day about him stressing to pick a location. We finally planned to grab dinner at Dos Caminos at 7:30.
At 7:30 on the dot, I got a text from him saying, “Hey. I need to reschedule for tonight. My sinuses are acting up, and I’m not feeling all that great. I just need to relax and hit the bed. So sorry for the late notice, but just not up for drinks or dinner tonight.” Needless to say, I was very disappointed, but also slightly annoyed. I sat around work with nothing to do for two hours. I could have gone home or made other plans. I responded with the only thing I knew to say, “Ok. Feel better!” I have to admit, I was very suspect of the last-minute cancellation. It seemed odd. If he wasn’t feeling well, I imagine he didn’t feel well all day long, not just that evening. But I didn’t want my imagination to run away since I have a habit of letting that happen. He mentioned hitting me up the following day to figure out a time to reschedule. Later that night, he suggested Friday for lunch, so I was reassured he wasn’t just blowing me off completely.
That Friday, we went to Dos Caminos for lunch. It was a very nice lunch, and we had good conversation. It wasn’t 100% fluid, but it was getting better. He had a hard shell to crack. We talked a lot more about his home and his living situation. I learned about his cat and a bit more about his relationship with his mother. It was nice getting to know him better. When we finished, I suggested we hit up the High Line as we had spoken about before. It was a gorgeous day, so he agreed it was a perfect idea, especially since he’d never been.
We made our way across town and walked to the bottom end of the High Line. He was really enjoying it, and I was enjoying watching his pleasure. We had nice casual conversation the whole length. When we go to the bottom end, we took a break in the shade against the railing. Through our conversation, there were about fifteen moments I wanted to just grab him and kiss him. Every time there was a pause, I wanted to go for it. However, there was an audience. There was never n instance when there wasn’t a crowd of people around to sneak a private moment. I think he wanted me to kiss him as well, or at least his body language suggested it. After a while, we decided to make our way north again to the other end of the High Line.
The whole walk back, I looked for a quiet corner to sneak into â No dice. I had experienced those pillow lips once before, and I wanted more. It had been too long! I was really starting to feel comfortable with him. The nerves ended and the conversation was much easier. We both really enjoyed our time up there. From start to finish the date lasted four hours. We walked the entire High Line, and it ended at Penn Station where he would grab his train home to Pennsylvania. As I said goodbye, he grabbed my hand. I pulled him in for a kiss. And then another. And then another. All short kisses, but nice ones nonetheless.
On my walk back to the PATH, I texted him, “Soooo…. I wanted to kiss you about 15 times on the High Line today. I just don’t do well with audiences…” He responded, “Had a great day!! Um, I’m with you. I’m not totally into an audience, but I was so relaxed at the end of the High Line in the Meat Packing District. I could have stayed and talked a while longer with you. ;)” It was nice to hear we were on the same page. He was a great guy who I still needed to get to know better, but a great guy nonetheless. I was looking forward to our next date and wanted to move things along a bit.
I took the liberty of inviting him to join me at my friend’s lake the following day. He told me he needed to see what he needed to get done the next day and wanted to check out Musikfest, but he would get back to me in the morning. That night, I followed up with a late night text, “I had a really great time with you today. Hope I get to see you again tomorrow. i.e. Come to the lake in the am and then head back for Musikfest in the evening.”
The next morning I went to the lake with my friends D, K and D’s girlfriend. I spent the day on the water and went waterskiing for the first time in my life. It was fun, but I was a little disappointed I never heard from Pillow. I went on with my day and tried not to let it phase me. I was unsuccessful. That night I went out with my friends, but it was very hard to have a good time…
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 8, 2011
I always get particularly excited when a new guy pops up on Grindr who happens to live in Hoboken. I have pretty much blocked all the gay men in Hoboken, so when a new one pops up, I notice.
One in particular messaged me and was pretty cute. In his pictures, he looked like he had a good body and seemed very nice and genuine. After we chatted a few times, we exchanged numbers and switched things over to texting.
He told me he was a trainer at NYSC, but he was on hiatus while he got a certification. In the meantime, he was working as a bartender on Fire Island. He was gone almost every Thursday through Monday. This made it very hard to find a time to meet up, but eventually we figured it out.
We decided to meet on a Tuesday evening at a Mexican restaurant in Hoboken, Charritos. I had only ever heard good things but had never been. He made a good choice. He spent the day out in the burbs of New Jersey at his friend’s pool, and he was late getting back because of rain and flooding. When he finally showed up in his ripped jeans, finely quaffed hair, tight T-shirt and leather bracelets, I knew this date was doomed from the start.
The night before I was warned about this guy. While talking to N, I learned they knew each other in passing. N had seen him working at the gym and told me he was quite effeminate. I became skeptical but open-minded at that point, but when I met this guy in person, the second he opened his mouth I was turned off. On top of that, I noticed how filled out he was. He was supposed to be a trainer. I would never go to a trainer who was that pudgy and couldn’t follow their own advice.
We sat and had a very nice dinner. We talked about coming out and our families’ reactions to the news. We chatted about work and what we do for fun. The conversation was nice, but there was no spark. He just kept looking at me with this big smile like he wanted to gobble me up. I got the feeling he was a bit lost in the world. He was openly gay, but I’m not sure if he knew how to navigate life with men. I shouldn’t talk, because I have no idea what I’m doing, but he seemed like his GPS was slightly off.
After dinner, he asked if I wanted to grab another drink somewhere. I obliged, but I should have ended the date then and there. I knew better. I clearly wasn’t interested in this guy and had an out to go home, but I felt bad for him. I felt like he needed a friend, so I stuck around. We went around the corner to Sushi Lounge and sat at the bar. We each ordered a round and continued our conversation.
Somehow the topic of the rainbow came up as a symbol for gay culture came up in conversation. I explained just how much I despised the rainbow. He was flabbergasted. He didn’t know how to react. I explained it was not something I embraced. I could understand why some people need a symbol to hold on to, but I was making every attempt to not let my homosexuality separate me from the rest of the world. I am a normal ordinary man who happens to like the company of other men. I don’t need a rainbow to broadcast who I am. On top of that, I find the rainbow aesthetically unpleasing. I could tell I really turned him off by all this, but he wasn’t going to argue.
Then the conversation turned to previous relationships. I told him about the two I had been in and the duration of each. He told me I had a longer relationship than any he’s ever had. When I asked him why, he asked the bartender for another drink. He was a broken gay man. I felt bad for him, but certainly no attraction towards him. I thought maybe I could be his friend.
After we split our tab, I walked him home. Much to my surprise, he invited me up. I have NO idea why I agreed, but I did. We sat on the couch with some wine while we watched one of the music channels. We got into a conversation about Lady Gaga. I told him I found her very inspirational and really got behind her message and what she stood for. He told me he was over her. We obviously were going to but heads, so I was about ready to leave.
At that moment, he took my wine glass, took off my shirt, and started kissing me. He was an awful kisser. All over the place. I did not want to be there making out with him. I did however feel he needed to be kissed. So, I suppose you could call it a pity kiss. After a short while, I told him I needed to go home. I had work the next day, and it was getting late. I said goodnight, and with that I was gone.
I made it as far as the bottom step of his apartment stoop when I realized I left my umbrella in his apartment. There was no way in hell I was coming back to this place to get it, nor did I really want to see him again after that night. So, I rang his apartment. He buzzed me in, and I went back up to get my umbrella. When I walked in the door, he pushed me back into a chair and mounted me. Apparently he wasn’t done. I immediately told him I needed to go. I only came back for the umbrella, not an encore. That’s when I really realized he only wanted me for my body. We didn’t have that great of conversation all night and disagreed a lot. We were obviously not compatible for a relationship, but maybe he was just horny. I was slightly offended and made my way home.
He immediately texted me: “Had a great night with you.” I didn’t respond immediately, but in the morning I texted: “I had a good time too.” After that, I was done with him. I was pleasant, but I didn’t give him hopes of a second date. He would not be a repeat offender. The next day he texted, “How was your day at work?” But, he would not get anything back from me. Once again, it was back to the dating pool…
Follow @onegayatatimeWeekend Hookups
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 6, 2011
Just when I was doing well and turning my back on my whorish ways, I got sucked back in. At work Friday I received another one of N‘s annoying, yet typical messages that pushed my buttons. I was still coming off the high from Wednesday’s successful date. He always knew just the right moment when I wasn’t thinking about him at all to poke his finger in my face with a sarcastic comment I was just expected to slosh off as a joke. On Thursday, through my blog, he managed to figure out who I had sex with while we were dating. He sent me a screen grab of his Grindr and asked if I recognized him. On Friday, he apparently wasn’t done talking about it and felt the need to bring it up again.
I had a half day, and I wanted to do something with it. N p*ssed me off, and I was in the mood for sex. I sat in Herald Square on my Grindr to see if I could stir something up. No dice. It was time to go home and pull up some porn.
When I got home, I went thought my daily routine of checking my messages on adam4adam.com. I had quite a few. One in particular was a very muscular man who lived nearby and happened to be online. We chatted a bit and unlocked our pictures for each other. He seemed like a really nice guy, and we were thoroughly horny at this point. So, I invited him over later that evening when my roommate would be out.
I can remember around the time I came out when I was talking to a guy in San Francisco. He used to have random guys come over for sex periodically. This blew my mind. It was inconceivable to me. I’m sure to some of my readers feel the same way. But now I was that guy. I’m not saying I’m not ashamed of it by any means. But it has become an easy way for me to get off, and it’s something I need to stop doing. Just not that day.
After my roommate went out to dinner, the guy from a4a came over. He came into my room, took his shoes off and hopped into bed with me. We were making out until both our shirts came off and our naked chests were pressed together. He felt so good. He was an older guy, but he was in great shape and everything was tight and muscular. We pleased each other orally and then moved on to penetration. I pulled out a condom and he begged for me to enter him. It was great sex. His smooth body was better than I expected. I was able to make him finish without even touching himself. We both really enjoyed ourselves.
Afterwards, he hopped in my shower and washed up. When he was getting dressed, he commented on how great he thought my body was. He was pleasantly surprised I lived up to my pictures, and suggested we make this a regular thing. I wasn’t opposed to the idea, but I was still making an effort to turn over a new leaf. At least with him, it wouldn’t constantly be a new or random guy.
The next day, I went to the beach. He started texting me, “Damn bro. Don’t usually text next day, but in the shower fully hard thinking about yesterday. HOT!” It was just the ego boost I needed. He added, “Anytime you want a repeat. So close n convenient too!” This was also followed up with a myriad of sexy pictures. I scolded him for getting me excited on the beach when there was nothing I could do to alleviate the hormones.
When Sunday morning rolled around, my roommate went out with my sister for brunch, leaving me home alone. I texted my new friend with some amazing benefits to come over for another visit. Of course, he obliged. We were having yet another sexy romp when we were interrupted by the sound of my roommate coming into the apartment. He was fully aware of what I was doing, but I didn’t exactly feel comfortable with him hearing us. I suggested we move to the shower, and Mr. Smooth agreed heavily.
We turned on the hot water and had a hot wet time. We both finished with fireworks in the shower. When I toweled off, I checked my messages and noticed my roommate tried to call numerous times and left a text message. He just left to go surfing at the beach without me. I managed to call him and convince him to come back to get me. He was only ten blocks away. I started to rush Mr. Smooth. I felt bad, but we both knew what this was. I got dressed for the beach in one minute flat, and he quickly put his clothes back on.
As we walked down the stairs, he grumbled about the walk of shame in front my roommate, but was over it right away. As I drove to the beach, I sent a text message apologizing for the circus, but also complimented him for yet another hot time in bed. He was fine with it all.
Maybe I would keep this one around for lonely times, but I would also try to find the strength to find a real man to be my boyfriend and stop with the hookups altogether…
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Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 2, 2011
Out of the entire roster I built before I went away, I had the highest hopes for one in particular. His picture on Grindr was of his face. What a nice change from the torsos that scattered my screen. And, not just any face. This man was sexy. He had dreamy eyes and perfect lips. I couldn’t wait to meet this man in person.
When we first started chatting on Grindr, I favorited him. I noticed one night he was very far away and asked where he traveled to. I learned he lives in my old neck of the woods in Pa. He explained he lived out there, worked in the city, and one or two nights a week, he would buy a hotel room so he didn’t have to commute. I suggested we grab a drink sometime. “Def man. I’m game for that,” he responded. And with that he gave me his phone number.
We were unable to set up a time for drinks before I went on vacation. He was polite enough to hit me up while down there to see how I was doing. One night, while texting each other, he decided to pick up the phone and call me. I couldn’t answer because I was riding in the car with my family, but he left a very sweet message. He gained a lot of points in my book for calling that night! It meant a lot to me.
When I returned to Hoboken, we finally set up a night to grab a small bite and drinks together. I already liked his style. He suggested tapas because if the date didn’t go well, we weren’t stuck together He booked a hotel room for Wednesday night, and I picked a restaurant. He was my fifth date in four days.
The night of our date, he was running late. He apologized and explained this was standard protocol for him. I told him not to worry about it because I was usually the one running late. To kill time while I waited for him, I strolled through Eatily. When the time for out date was approaching, I walked to the restaurant to get us a table. When I arrived at Boqueria in the Flatiron District, there were about fifteen people standing in the rain waiting to go inside. I didn’t panic. I tried the backup restaurant, Sala 19, but they had a 45 minute to hour wait. I called (Let’s call him “Pillow” since his lips looked like two little pillows I couldn’t wait to smooch), and told him of the predicament. I also explained I would be trying to find a new place and would meet him on the street corner. I did some research and found two other places. The first couldn’t seat us for another two hours. The second, Aldea, had no wait. We met and shook hands, I suggested we go there since it was two blocks away. He agreed.
When we arrived at the restaurant, I almost suggested we leave. It had awful ambiance, and NO ONE was there. It already made the date feel awkward. They sat us upstairs, and we both ordered drinks. When my sangria arrived, it was clear, served in a Tom Collins glass and topped only with green grapes. I don’t think it was sangria, but it was good, so I drank it. We both struggled to find anything on the menu we liked. I am NOT a picky eater, but this menu was a challenge! I suggested we just leave after the first drink and find a bar. He said we should stay and we ordered the almonds and olives plate, as well as a shrimp appetizer. We talked about the possibility of hitting up a bar after dinner as well.
The conversation started off dry and forced. This date I had such high hopes for started off on the wrong foot. I didn’t know how to rescue it. I never realized how much the setting could ruin a date, however, we were able to find some common ground. We both worked in advertising. I was happy I never asked him about it before, since it gave us something to talk about to break the tension.
When we finished, they brought us chocolates, we paid and went back out into the rain. We started walking up Broadway towards my office and somewhat towards the hotel he was staying at. As we passed the Ace Hotel, I stopped him and asked if he still wanted to get another drink or did he need to get back to his hotel. I was giving him an out. He said he’d be down for another drink, so I suggest the Breslin at the Ace Hotel. I had been there many times and really enjoyed the vibe there. I was also glad he wanted to continue hanging out with me.
There were no seats available at the bar, so we found a nice plot of space in the corner to lean against the wall. Once we had our drinks, things got a lot more relaxed. I said, “We should have just come straight here. That place was awful!” He told me I shouldn’t worry about it. We stood there for another round. With every drink, the mood got lighter, and I became more attracted to him. After the second round, he asked if I minded if he have a cigarette. I said, “Only if you don’t mind giving me one.” We stepped out into the rain and found a doorway to huddle in to smoke. We talked some more and the body language was very positive. I debated if I should have kissed him right then and there. But I didn’t of course.
We went back inside and managed to find two stools. We sat facing each other and he began to lean in much more when we spoke. His body language was becoming more and more provocative with each sip. After that round, we both had another cigarette. When we returned this time, the only space available was at the bar. I ordered us another round of drinks and an order of fries considering we basically had olives for dinner.
I was having a good time with him. He was charming, had a good job, family oriented, very good-looking, mature, etc. It was about time I finally had a good date. The whole date, all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss him. Around 11:30pm, we finished our drinks and closed out the tab. We spent the last four hours together. I wasn’t sure we’d make it past the first forty minutes when we stepped into the first restaurant.
I told him I would walk him to his hotel since it wasn’t far from my office, and I had to return there to get my things. When we got to the front of the hotel, I expressed to him how much I enjoyed the night first verbally, and then physically. I leaned in for a kiss and got exactly what I was hoping for all night. I pulled back and said, “And a good kisser too. It’s a shame I waited til the end of the date for that!” With that, we started kissing and embracing more while the doorman stood watching us. Finally, we both pulled back. As I started to walk away, I turned back and said, “We do this again? Soon!?” He nodded in agreement.
I walked away with the biggest smile on my face. What started out bad, ended really well. I couldn’t have been happier. On my way home, I texted him telling him: “I had a great time with you tonight!” He responded, “More to be had. I had a great time and now that we met, I can loosen up a bit.” Then we got into the conversation of the compatibility of our astrological signs. Then he said, “Yea. I wanted to bring you up, but it’s a first date. I try to be reserved. LOL Did I want to? No. But, I was good.”
I was thrilled. This meant he was really attracted to me and wanted to start something real, not just a hookup. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself, nor did I want to put all my eggs in one basket, so I didn’t toss the roster out just yet. But, I certainly had a front-runner.
That weekend, I texted him a few times, but got no response. I wasn’t thrilled with that sign. I questioned if it was just the alcohol talking after our first date, but I didn’t panic. I would see if we could meet during the week again when Monday rolled around…
Follow @onegayatatimeA Southern Gentleman
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 30, 2011
Before I went to OCMD, I was talking to a southern gentleman who found me on Grindr. We hit it off immediately. He seemed like a level-headed guy, and he was 35. After my last failed relationship with a 25 year-old, I decided older was better. San Francisco opened me up to the idea of dating a man of that age, and I had a good feeling about it.
The Southern Gent and I messaged each other a lot on Grindr. We also exchanged pictures. He found me exceptionally sexy, and I found him to be quite attractive. He was no super model, but he certainly took care of himself. We exchanged Facebook information. I looked through all his pictures. They were of him being crazy at a wedding, boating on a lake, safari hunting in Africa, etc. The guy had a picture of a Zebra he took down. I was impressed and swooning a bit.
We tried to figure out a good time to meet, but it always conflicted with his schedule or mine. After a while, he went completely dark. We made plans to meet one Sunday night, but when that weekend came, I got no response to the many text messages and phone calls I made. “I can only assume you lost interest already… Not sure if I did something, but I’ve sent you msgs with no response. Was excited to meet you… If I’m wrong, you know how to reach me.”
An entire week went by, and I heard no word from him. I removed him from my favorites on Grindr so I wouldn’t have to look at him every time I pulled it up. Of course, that’s when he started to message me again. He apologize emphatically for not getting back to me and blamed most of it on getting a new job. I’m definitely one for giving second chances, and I though he would be a great match for me, so I agreed to meet him when I got back from my vacation.
While in Maryland, we texted periodically. We set up a date for the Sunday evening upon my return home. He picked Pier I Cafe on the Upper West Side. I took the bus into the city and hopped in a cab the rest of the way. I made my way down to the Hudson waterfront and saw him immediately. He had a very New England country club look about him. I liked it. He didn’t look like a snob, but he looked like he appreciated the finer things in life.
We both grabbed beers and tried to find somewhere to plop down. There were no tables available, so we found a cement wall to sit on. We got to know each other slowly. We talked about our jobs, our living situations, working out, college, etc. The conversation was flowing quite easily. He is an architect, which is something that has always interested me. I found it sexy. The one hangup I had with him was he turned into a total queen every time he laughed. He was a bit flamboyant. He could have sucked all the air out of the room after every laugh had we been indoors. It was extremely off-putting. I’m sure you’re all judging me as picky at this point, but it was hard to look past. I was starting to get annoyed with these guys who claimed to be masculine. It’s my one real hangup in the gay dating world, and guys self-judge this aspect of their lives VERY poorly. Basically, I’m attracted to dudes who just so happen to be attracted to other dudes as well, not some big ‘mo.
I also started to gauge the level of chemistry between us. It wasn’t exactly at its peak either. We shared a lot in common, but I could tell the attraction wasn’t there on both sides. We both passionately talked about cooking and our specialties. It was an interesting conversation. After a while, I noticed one of my friends. He also noticed me, so on one of his trips to the bar, he swung by to say hi. I introduced him to the Southern Gent and talked to him about how things were going since his marriage in Key West.
Four rounds and one basket of calamari later, it was time to go home. I gave him a small kiss on the lips and said, “We should do this again sometime.” I didn’t have such a good feeling about our chemistry as I did before the date. I was a little disappointed, but I thought maybe I needed to give him a second chance. I would leave that up to him. If he was interested, he would followup the date with a phone call. When the call never came, I knew my suspicions were accurate. I unfriended him on Facebook so I could write about my dates without feeling guilty.
I was disappointed it didn’t work out, but that was based on an assumption I made before I even met him. I would need to not get my hopes up so high before the first date. It would be the downfall of my morale if I let the bad dates and disappointment get to me…
Follow @onegayatatimeWhoring It Up in OCMD Pt. 2
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 26, 2011
On the way to Rehoboth, the guy from the run texted me. I explained the situation and his lack of commitment. At this point, I was in over my head with the hicks. I told him to meet us in Rehoboth. I needed to be rescued, and he eventually came to my rescue.
We arrived at the bar, The Purple Parrot, and he arrived about a half hour later. I noticed the guy who originally was talking to me on Grindr was laying claim to me. I overheard some alarming conversations that made me realize he expected some sexual action from me. “I swear to God, if he goes home with this guy after we brought him up here!” This was NOT happening. I clung to my new friend like white on rice.
The hicks went inside to do karaoke, and my new friend and I followed shortly after. We found a bachelorette party of the sweetest girls to entertain us. We all became good friends fast, which was perfect because the hicks were ready to leave. I explained I was going to stay and would meet up with them later in the night. The one who laid claim to me tried to hang back with us and even asked for a ride home, but when he couldn’t get a guarantee, he got p*ssed and left. Later in the night I received a text scolding me for never meeting up. I retorted explaining why, and my reasoning was that I was not a piece of meat for him to lay claim to.
We spent the rest of the night singing karaoke with our new bachelorette friends and taking lots of pictures. We had a blast. When it was getting late, he asked if I was ready to go home. He was a really sweet guy, and I had a good time with him. Even if I had to deal with the hicks for most of the night, I was happy to get away and got to spend some time with a new friend.
On the way home, I rubbed the back of his head while he drove, and we chatted. I wasn’t sure where this was going, but there was no way in hell I was having sex with anyone. He drove right past my condo when we got back to Ocean City and went straight to his place. When we entered, he was startled because he mom was still up. We hid in a side hallway until he could devise a plan. He told me I was going to be “Steve” his friend, and we walked past her up to the loft he was staying in.
Once we got up there, we started making out a bit. He pulled his pants down and started playing with himself. My pants were off, but I still had my boxers on. I decided to give him a hand. He finished all over his shirt and pretty much passed out. I was really hoping he’d be a gentleman and drive me home, but that wasn’t going to be the case. I would have to walk 2.5 miles home at 3:00am. I told him I needed to wake up in my own bed, got dressed and walked out.
At this point, I was very horny. Along my walk, I received a message from the guy who exchanged blowjobs a few nights before with the man I just left. I heard how hot he was, so I entertained the idea of meeting him. His roommate was home, so he convinced me to meet him in the dark alley behind his apartment building. When I got there, he was standing with his dick in his hand. He was really hot. We started making out. He undid my pants and gave me a blowjob. After some time, I returned the favor and then continued working with my hand. Shortly after, he finished all over the sidewalk. It was really hot. I thought I was going to receive the same treatment, but instead, he told me he had to get back inside before his roommate noticed he was gone. This was now two guys in one half hour that I helped with a “night-cap” who didn’t feel the need to reciprocate.
On the next leg of my journey, my mother called. I explained that “Will” had too much to drink once we got back to O.C., and I wanted to sleep in my own bed, so I agreed to hop on the bus. However, all the buses were packed to the gills, so I told her I was walking home. She stated, “You’re an adult and you can stay out as long as you like, but you need to tell us when you’re going to be out this late. Your father and I haven’t been able to sleep.”
The entertain myself for the rest of the 2 miles I had to go, I turned to Grindr. I had received another message from yet another hottie while I was hooking up in an alley. At this point I was a complete whore. Why not tack on another one? This guy was horny and looking for action. I explained where I was and where I was headed. I told him he could come pick me up, but asked where we could hookup. I suggested his car, but being a local, he convinced me it was cool if we hooked up on the beach. Just as I was getting to my street, he drove past me and turned towards the beach. I followed and met him by the sand.
We introduced ourselves and began to walk through the dunes. Just then, the garbage trucks were driving across the beach to empty all the cans. We stood and waited for them to finish before we started making out. He was a good kisser, and he quickly moved on to orally pleasing me. He was good. He was very good. Finally, someone was interested in my pleasure that night. After a while, he stood. I dropped his pants and returned the favor. I never hooked up on a beach before. It was an exciting new venture for me. After a while, I asked if he was a bottom. I explained I wasn’t going to have sex with him, but I wanted to grind on each other a bit. He agreed and turned around. I pressed my body against his and gave him a reach around. He finished all over the sand. It was my turn. I started to take over for myself while he played with my balls. It felt great. When I shot all over the sand, he said, “Wow. I’ve never seen anyone shoot like that before.” I replied, “Yea… That’s my hidden talent.”
After the two of us decorated the sand, we got dressed and started to walk back towards his car. We talked about why he was in O.C. and how he was moving to NYC in September. I told him to hit me up when he did. I was always looking for new friends to hang out with. We said goodbye with a kiss, and I walked home.
When I got home, I opened the door quietly and hopped into the sofa bed I was relegated to since my sister arrived. My mother came out to scold me one last time before dozing off. I felt like such a high school boy sneaking around to hookup and getting yelled at for breaking curfew.
The next morning, the last day at the beach, the guy I met on the run wanted to meet up and make up for not finishing me off the night before. This was a constant circus of juggling locations and sneaking around. It was becoming nearly impossible. The solution we came up with; he would pick me up in his car and we would hookup in his car somewhere. That somewhere turned out to be a parking garage, and that hookup turned into a blowjob for me. We both finished in the car by our own hands. He was heading home straight from there, while I was heading to the beach to meet my family. He dropped me off by the sand, and we said our goodbyes. He encouraged me to hit him up the next time I was home in Pa.
I was ashamed and embarrassed of my behavior on my vacation, but I got it all out of my system. I wasn’t planning to hookup at all, but even went as far as to do it three times in one night. What a whore! Once again, things needed to change, but I just told myself it was vacation. I was allowed to take a vacation from my morals for a week…
Follow @onegayatatimeThe Ex’s
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 23, 2011
Still reeling from the high of a hot successful lunch date, I was pleasantly surprised that evening by the return of my belongings from N. Before he came by, I made sure I looked great. I threw on a tight tank and some gym shorts. I had been going to the gym and beach a lot and wanted to show him how good I looked. Little messed up? Ehhhhh probably… Don’t judge. We’ve all been there.
After letting him in the door, I returned to sitting on the couch. He came and sat to chat a bit. We discussed how things were going and made small talk. It was nice. We were being pleasant. I was shocked too. Not once did something catty come out of his mouth. It appeared both of us finally moved on. This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. He couldn’t stay long. He handed me my clothing to check if he got it all. It appeared he did. I put the clothes down and he came in for a hug. It was nice. I liked hugging him. Not in a romantic way, but in a friendly way. I cared about him. I feel people are too afraid to hug these days. He even turned his head and gave me a peck on the cheek. It was very nice.
He wouldn’t be the only ex I would see that night. I had plans to see the second half of the final Harry Potter installment with Broadway. We watched the first half together right before we broke up, so I thought it would be nice if we finished the series together. He agreed.
True to my own style, I was exceptionally late. He asked me to get to the theater early to hold seats for us. It was a late showing, but it was also a new movie. The theater would be crowded. As I was running to the theater, I was texting him to calm his nerves. If we didn’t have great seats, he would wait to see it another time. This was important to him. It also bothered him because this was something I did all the time when we were dating. I have a hard time being on time for things, “but at least I’m consistent,” I joked.
I got into the theater and found us seats. He arrived shortly into the previews, and we sat back for the movie.
Earlier that day, he invited me to crash at his apartment after the movie since it ended at 1:00 in the morning. I graciously accepted since I knew how easy the commute from his apartment was. I also knew he was dating someone, so there wouldn’t be any temptation for funny business from either of us. I had no desire to revisit that past, but the thought crossed my mind wondering if he would.
On the walk home, we talked about our dating lives. I told him about all my failed dates, including the self-centered dermatologist. He updated me on his drama and the recent end of his relationship with the guy he was seeing. We were both in the same boat. It was interesting too, considering months earlier he said I wasn’t a priority in his life. I wasn’t mad about that. I was happy to see him moving on and trying to find a man. I just found it interesting.
Since the last time I spent the night in his apartment, they had done some major remodeling. It was nice to finally get to see all the hard work he put in to the place. I was happy for him. When we were both too tired to keep our eyes open any longer from talking, he set me up in his empty roommate’s bed and went to sleep.
I was just happy we could be good friends and share a movie together. We talked about going out to the bar together. Now that we spoke about seeing other men, he would be able to see me hitting on a guy at the bar. We were in a good place. It gave me hopes for N and I. I was finally making great progress with the two men who used to rule my world…
Follow @onegayatatimePetty Games
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 12, 2011
On the Monday, following my trip to the Jersey Shore, I didn’t want much to do with N. I embarrassed myself the previous week by getting obliterated and trying to drag him to my room days after we broke up. And then, while in Belmar, we managed to create a situation once again. It was too much drama. I remembered the days I carried no drama. Those certainly were the days. I needed to find a way back to my drama-free days.
The night before, N texted me. I didn’t feel the need to respond, considering he wasn’t responding to me when I was asking him about coming to the beach. But come Monday morning, sure enough, I got a gChat message from him: “Morning. Did you ignore my texts on purpose.” Of course I did, but I wasn’t about to open up that door. I told him I was busy the night before. He responded, “It’s ok. I was worried you were very mad at me for Sat night.” Of course, I was over Saturday night. I cursed him out for it, we talked about it, and I moved on. I was still annoyed he never got back to me about the beach. “How come you never came to the beach?” He told me it was because his roommate didn’t get back until 2:00, so he hopped on the 3:30 train. “I didn’t feel like staying. I was tired,” he said. “And then you went dark,” I responded. Of course he couldn’t extend the common courtesy of telling me this information the day of.
Then he took the conversation where I didn’t think it was going to go. “Busy as in boy busy?!?!?” Where did he get off? There was no way he was asking out of the goodness of his heart because he wanted to ensure my happiness. And, of course I wasn’t about to tell him about my date, especially since it was a bad one. I didn’t need to open up that can of worms. So, I lied: “And no, I wasn’t boy busy⌠I was unpacking and repacking and getting ready for work. And, I was doing laundry and talking with my roommate.”
I tried to change the subject as fast as possible. “And I’m sorry again for the ‘f*ck you.’ ” He responded, “Don’t be. It’s not your fault I acted like a scum bag and did one or two things I shouldn’t have.” It was nice to hear him take responsibility for his actions. This was a definitive change. Maybe we could be friends after all.
Then I mentioned to him that NC noticed he deleted him on Facebook and blocked him on gChat. “Good for him. I could care less,” was his response. I apologized and told him not to shoot the messenger. I never should have gotten involved. I have no idea why I did. Then he went on to insult NC on a very low level. I understand he was angry, but he was delivering some low blows all over a few discrepancies in a hookup story.
Then, N said, “You should go ahead and let him know why.” I told him I wasn’t getting in the middle of it. That was a lie. I already got myself in the middle, but at this point I wanted out. More drama I did not need in my life. “I shouldnt have brought it up! I’m sorry.”
I tried to change the subject once again. This time to his roommate and the reason she came home so late. I also had a friend I wanted to set her up with. We talked about it a bit and finally found a topic of conversation to have a civil conversation.
Just when I thought we were finally moving forward. Finally moving on. Finally going to be friends, N went and ruined any progress we made. Tuesday I woke up to the text, “Morning! Sorry to interrupt your grinding this morning, lol, but I was thinking about something last night.” I happened to leave my Grindr on overnight. I do this periodically to cast out the net to see what I catch by the morning. I hadn’t even checked Grindr yet. “I just got out of the shower. What’s up?” I replied. I didn’t appreciate what he was insinuating, but I let it slide.
I wasn’t expecting what came next. “Our pictures and video together… LOL We’re making sure those are secure, right?” he asked. One night when we were hooking up, N turned on the camera on my computer. I explained to him that the video never saved and there was only one picture. I deleted it. “After I posted and tagged it on Facebook, of course,” I joked.
We were done with that line of conversation, so I decided to check my Grindr messages. I text N back telling him he has a doppelganger on grindr. “Who? Send me the link. I’ll be online in 5.” When I got to work, he was asking me all about his doppelganger. I described him, “He’s near Hoboken. Name is M. He’s 21 so he looks like your little brother.”
Over lunch, I went to the gym. As I was coming back out to the street, I saw a text from N: “Is this M?” He sent me a screengrab of a man’s chest. N is latino. I laughed and responded, “Nope! That looks nothing like you. He’s a white dude. M has a face pic and is 21.”
Then he made another comment referencing myself and Grindr. “Oh, I didn’t know you were that versed in the men on Grindr. Guess you’ve spoken with him before.” This time I wasn’t going to let it slide. Not two days in a row. This isn’t the kind of friendship I was seeking. He wasn’t going to undercut me and I would just sit by and take it. “Don’t be an as$hole!” Apparently he didn’t think he said anything out of line because his response was, “Uggghhmmmmmm, okay. LOL.”
I went off: “Not that I need to explain myself to you, but I’ve never spoken to him. He popped up on my screen last night, and I thought it was funny that he looked like you⌠that’s all.” And then he made it worse by insinuating I was overreacting. And maybe I was a little bit, but he had to know this was a sensitive time. We were just beginning to navigate a new friendship. “Wow! Sorry I said anything!”
I needed to defend myself. “Your comment had a lot of undertones I don’t appreciate.” He retorted, “My comment was a joke. I’m sarcastic. You know this. Sorry I said anything about it to you.” I wasn’t going to let him act like I was the one out of line. Again, the drama was starting, and I wanted no part of it! “It’s fine,” I responded.
If this was the type of friendship N wanted, then I wasn’t on-board. I didn’t need him in my life if all he was going to do was cause me headaches. I really had a good time hanging out with him when we were dating, but he’d need to learn how to be a real friend if this was going to work. None of my other friends treated me htis way, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him.
Follow @onegayatatimeCrumbling Down
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 9, 2011
I woke the next day early. The night before I got in a blowup with my sister and K over the sleeping arrangements. I was sure there would still be some lingering resentment in the morning, but I was on a drama free weekend. I wasnât going to let it bother me. I would stick with D and his girlfriend, two of the most drama-free people I know.
We all decided to get breakfast burritos and hit the beach. This may have been a good idea to prevent a hangover after a night of heavy drinking, but probably not a good idea before heading to the beach for the day. I will just leave it at that.
While I laid on the beach, I started getting texts from N. He was heading to the shore that day as well, but would be staying with his roommate, who I partied with the night before, in Manasquan.
I donât know why I did this to myself, but I was telling him all our plans for the night and encouraging him to meet up with us. Iâm a masochist, what can I say?
After the beach, my group went out for dinner. We had a really nice time eating and chatting at Parker House. After dinner, we went downstairs for libations and music. We danced a bit and played a fair amount of shuffleboard. When we found ourselves bored with the crowd, we decided to move on. This is when the group dynamic started to stretch. My sister wanted to stay, but the rest were ready to move along. We had plans to go to Bar A for our friendâs birthday.
Once at Bar A, D and his girlfriend got in a fight, and the camp became seriously divided. The girls went to one end of the bar, and the men were on the other. D was pouting, but my other friend and I were not ready for our night to end in drama. We tried to encourage D to come with us to another bar, but he wasnât going to leave his girlfriend, even if she wouldnât talk to him. After many attempts, my other friend and I left for DâJais.
Part of the reason I wanted to go there was because I had so much fun the night before, but I think a bigger part was because I knew N was there. I had it in my head I would say a friendly hello, but then somewhat ignore him most of the night. I would dance with lots of other people and show him that we could be friends, but I was finally able to move on (after trying to drag him to my bed 2 nights before. STUPID!)
I didnât want to announce my presence ahead of time. I knew it would be a madhouse, but I would find them eventually. When we arrived, I went to the spot we were the night before with his roommate, and sure enough they were there. I started brushing shoulders with N without him fully noticing me until I made it very obvious I was there.
I got the most excited and biggest hello from him. He grabbed me, gave me a bear hug, and kissed me on the cheek numerous times. I wasnât expecting nor was I ready for that, but I have to admit it made me very happy.
My friend and I ordered drinks at the bar and hung out with N and his roommate. We were all dancing our asses off once again, and I was having fun. I was constantly turning away from N trying to find other dance partners, but was unsuccessful. I took many opportunities to talk to my other friend and ignore N a bit. I needed to prove to him I was no longer dependent if we were going to have a successful friendship.
After some time, N went to the bathroom. I had to go too, but I didn’t want to go with him. That would look pathetic. So I waited a minute or two before heading back there.
As I walked into the bathroom, N was washing his hands. I slapped him on the back as I made my way to the urinal. He waited for me outside the bathroom to head back to our spot. When I exited the bathroom, he motioned for me to walk ahead of him. As I did, I got a slap on my ass.
After some more dancing, N started to get overtly affectionate. He grabbed me in what I can only explain as a wrestler hold with his arm around the back of my head and our foreheads pressed against each other. This was my first time D.T.S., but I can guarantee you this was not normal behavior for two men in a bar. down there. After more time, he started kissing me on the cheek and neck more. It was never enough to draw the eyes of the entire crowd, but it definitely would raise at least a few eyebrows.
Once again, my head was a mess. WHAT WAS HE DOING!? He was the one who really initiated us moving things to the friend zone. I understood what was happening. I myself fell victim to my own passions two nights before. Either way, my head was in a tailspin once again. I didnât know what to think.
When we realized we lost both his roommate and my friend, we went outside. He grabbed a slice of pizza, and I sat and kept him company while we tried to reach the rest of our party. He said, âWhether I come with you to the hotel or we go back to Manasquan, Iâm not leaving here without [his roommate].â Who said anything about us going home together? Was this an invitation? Was he having second thoughts?
Nope. Just then, his ex-girlfriend appeared and he went over to talk to her. After about two minutes, he came back to collect me and introduce me to her. On the way over, he turned and said, âRemember, just friends. She doesnât know about me.â The girl wanted nothing to do with meeting me, and the two of them were deep in catching up. I didnât sit there long. I was also on Grindr because it was obvious N was up to his games again. To him, I was simply there and convenient, but I wasnât going to fall prey to his ways all over again.
I told him I was going to walk home and said goodbye. On the walk home, I texted him, âF*ck you.â He immediately responded, âWhhhhhhaaaatttt. R u kidding.â I took the opportunity to get something off my chest in my drunken stroll home. âI dunno. Maybe Iâm tired of being led on⌠You say sh*t you donât mean. Yea⌠Thanks for that.â He retorted, “What do I say?â I was done with him for the night. It was time to go back to Grindr and see if I could manage to find some entertainment.
I managed to find a guy who was eight miles away and had a sick body. We chatted a bit and exchanged more than a few pictures. Now I was horny and trying anything I could to get him to come meet me. No dice. He was with friends and couldnât get away, so we talked about the possibility of meeting up the next day.
After the drama of the night and the Grindr texting for the previous 45 minutes, I was tired. I walked back up to my hotel room to find everyone already passed out. I laid a blanket down on the floor, grabbed a pillow and passed out. I was disappointed in myself. I let myself get sucked in again, but for the second night in a row, I wasnât going to lose one second of sleep over N.
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 