Posts Tagged gorgeous day

Fast Forward

Sunday morning, I woke to find myself sleeping next to a gorgeous man once again. How lucky was I – Two nights in-a-row spent in the arms of Clark Kent.

The night before, CK asked me to promise to get him up and on with his day at an am hour. I agreed. When I woke, I glanced at the clock. It was 9:00am. My alarm wasn’t set for another forty-five minutes. I rolled over and pulled CK into my tight embrace, cradling his entire body with mine. We fit together like intricate puzzle pieces. We became so entangled in each other, we jokingly called it forking. I didn’t fully wake him. He let out a tiny groan of pleasure when I pulled him in tight.

This, of course, wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more. No, not sex – Body contact. I began to remove his briefs, and he willingly aided my attempt. I followed suit and removed my own boxer briefs so our bodies would be pressed against each other skin-to-skin. I enjoyed his touch so much. He felt amazing. I fell asleep in this position until my alarm woke us at 9:45. He asked me what time it was, and I told him. His only response was, “Too early.” He grabbed my arm, rolled to his other side, and pulled my arm around him fully engulfing him.

He was such a sweetheart. We cuddled for quite some time. Periodically we’d switch positions when one of our arms would lose feeling. This was always accompanied with a myriad of kisses.

I hadn’t completely fallen for him. Why was this time different? There was nothing holding me back this time. Nothing, except myself. I was protecting myself. I didn’t bring my baggage with me on this trip, but I did bring my smarts. I knew it was too early to dive in with him. I wanted to build this the right way. If you rush the foundation, the building will collapse in due time. If you take the time to build a strong base, it can last a lifetime. I wanted to take my time. I was in no rush. Sure, I’m 28, but I still had a lot of my life in front of me to love, lose, and find love once again. I was proceeding with cautious optimism.

I think my caution goes back to our early interactions in which he propositioned me to come over for sex. I knew then and there I was dealing with a different kind of animal. Maybe he could be tamed. Maybe not. Only time would tell, but until I knew he could be tamed, I would protect myself.

The cuddling and kissing continued for some time. When my alarm rang again at 10:30, we were both a little more awake. Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. He began, as he did many times, orally pleasuring me. He loved worshiping me in that way. I certainly wasn’t about to complain. I also made sure to return the favor. I know I’m pretty good, but it wasn’t as easy for me – He was a definite challenge. He was well endowed, and at times more than I could handle. He would get a little overzealous with his hands and my head, and I would find the need to pause to ensure I didn’t suffocate.

We continued to play in bed until there was a natural pause in the action. I suggested we hit the shower. I attempted to find a way to toss him over my shoulder. I knew I could pick him up, but tossing him like a sack of potatoes was a different story. I failed. I told him I was holding up my end of the bargain to get him moving before noon. He protested and said, “Not yet. Just two more minutes,” and pulled me in to cuddle more.

Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. We started to kiss again. Finally, he said, “Shall we?” I replied, “We shall.” With that, I scooped him up and carried him to the bathroom. We hopped in the shower, and I took the bar of soap and washed his entire body. I used my own body to build up a lather as well until I found myself grinding on his backside and him bending over moaning in pleasure. Things never escalated from there to full penetration, but the didn’t need to. What we were doing was hot enough. He took the opportunity to wash me as well, and while he was crouching, he also took the opportunity to orally pleasure me. We then continued to rinse ourselves off before drying off and getting dressed for the day.

I had small plans for us that morning. I knew he’d be thrilled to take a ride on the bike. It was a gorgeous day outside, and I also knew a money saving breakfast would also be welcomed. I used all my eggs the day before, and the only real option I had left was cereal. I had a Living Social deal to use up at Sonic. What a perfect way to use it. It was a five-minute ride away, and it would be nearly free.

We hopped on the bike and off we went. We ordered our breakfast and sat. While we waited for the food to arrive, he asked if it was alright that he call his mother back. She’d been calling periodically over the weekend. They talked about his apartment search. He also mentioned me by name and told her how amazing I am, especially since I cook. I was shocked. He’d already been talking to his mother about me!? What else did he tell her about me? His mother put his nephew on the phone and they chatted for a minute. It was incredibly adorable. I was so turned on seeing his reaction to talking to his nephew.

When the food arrived, he hung up and ate. We shared our ice creams, feeding each other periodic spoonfuls. While we ate, he shared his tweeted comment on his Foursquare check-in with me: “Meal: cost-effective + tasty, but the company I keep: priceless + delicious.” He got a phone call from his friend who was just released from the hospital. After more than a few times of trying to end the conversation he was finally successful. His whole mood changed. When we finished eating, we stood, and he said, ”So I wanted to fully discuss what it was I said I wanted to chat with you about.” I was under the impression we’d already done that. Now, I was worried.

“I really enjoy spending all this time with you. You’re amazing. I really enjoy being with you. And, if I had to put a label on it, I’d say we’re dating. That being said, I think we should still be able to date other people. And, I should recognize you probably noticed I blocked you on Grindr, and that was by design. It’s a policy I have because if you try to call me, and I don’t pick up. Maybe you see me on Grindr and your mind will start to come up with scenarios.” At this point I acknowledged my awareness of this and told him how I felt about it. He continued, “I’ve done it, I’m sure other do too. And, I also should tell you, there’s a friend I’ve also been seeing since the beginning of the year. We see each other about once a month, go out to dinner, and then, well, we’ve done more than friends things.” I stood there not speaking through this whole thing. I just listened and nodded in my own confusion. “This is only going to work if we have communication and are honest with each other. I just wanted you to know,” he added.

I thanked him for his honesty, and he added, “Once again, please just be patient with me.” I assured him I was in no rush. Again, I had no idea where this was coming from.

He then pointed out how one of his loyal followers liked his comment on Twitter. He explained to me how he was kinda a hero on Twitter. He’d received comments from guys who found the confidence to change their lives based on some of the things he’s said. This was my moment. I told him I had a similar situation, and I had a secret I was waiting until the right time to tell him about it. I explained how I had a blog and received emails of a similar nature. I told him one day I’d share my alter ego with him, but it was like reading my diary, so not just yet. He seemed to be happy about the idea and accepting of my delayed full explanation.

I was still a little taken back by what he said. Part of me appreciated the honesty and part of me was confused by it all. Regardless, we hopped on the motorcycle, and I dropped him off at the PATH to head home. As I said goodbye, I told him to call me later to tell me how the search went. I didn’t think too much about what he said the rest of the day. There would be plenty of time for all that.

That night, as I was climbing into bed, I got a text from CK: “Are you awake?” Seconds after replying, the phone rang. He did call as he promised. I’d begun to think he’d forgotten. He really just called to say goodnight. He’d fallen asleep and napped most of the evening. He was tired and ready for bed as well.  I told him, “Now I will be going to bed with a smile on my face.” He replied, “Aww, baby, that’s sweet! Me too. Sweet dreams!” With that, I laid my head on the pillow with a smile across my face.

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The Fog Lifts

New Year’s Day, Smiles woke me in the morning. I was in a complete fog. I immediately began wracking my brain to remember how the night ended. I knew we had sex, and once again, I could only remember a tiny flash of the intimate moment we shared the night before but no more than a flash. I could remember being p*ssed at Smiles on the walk home for walking five paces in front of me. And, I could remember smoking on the balcony.

I had now realized I completely wiped my phone, so anyone who texted the night before would certainly not be receiving a response from me.

Smiles was up and about walking around the apartment. I searched the room for my briefs, but couldn’t locate them. He came in the room and retrieved them for me from deep within the sheets. I had a massive headache, so he gave me some pain killers and water. It was sweet of him to take care of me in my still inebriated/hungover state. I asked Smiles about leaving the party, and he recounted the details for me. It was clear he wasn’t thrilled about it, but he also wasn’t holding it against me. The he uttered, “And I haven’t even gotten to the fun part yet!” he added.

He was going to leave it at that. I told him he couldn’t do that to me. He had to tell me what else I did. He asked if I really wanted to know, and I insisted. This is the “fun” part:

Apparently, the advances made by the guy on the balcony didn’t end there. Clearly he was persistent, and clearly I was vulnerable and well intoxicated. Smiles recounted a scene for me that drained all the blood from my face. “[The guy who sang my praises to Smiles] came up to me and asked me if you were okay. When I told him you were fine, he replied, ‘Are you sure? Because he’s making out with someone else on the couch.” I nearly passed out. I couldn’t believe it. Was I really capable of that? Could I really do that to another person after witnessing N do that to me? Was I that heartless?

I racked my brain trying to remember any bit of a make-out session on the couch. A vague image came to mind of this man kissing all over my neck. I remember asking him to stop, but also couldn’t remember putting up a strong fight. I’m not sure if my mind was making this up or if it was reality. Either way, my actions were deplorable.

I froze. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe he was still speaking to me. I couldn’t believe he still had sex with me that night after that. I was mortified. What was going on? My head was spinning!

“What did you do? Did you come over and stop it?” I asked. He shook his head no.

“[Smiles], I don’t know how to apologize for that. I can’t believe I did that! I can’t believe your still speaking to me right now. I can’t believe you didn’t leave me there. I don’t have words for how sorry I am. I don’t remember any of that. At all!” I plead.

“It’s okay. You were drunk. It was New Year’s Eve. Don’t worry about it,” he said.

Don’t worry about it!? I made out with another guy in front of you, and you tell me don’t worry about it?! Should I be happy you’re not that upset about it, or should I be even more hurt that you’re not phased by it. “I still don’t know what to say. I can’t believe I did that,” I added. He just looked back at me with a face that said, “Yeah. You did that.” I wanted to slither away into darkness and forget the world.

We continued to get ready for brunch and walked out the door. As we walked, all I could think about was how disrespectful I was to the man I’d grown so fondly of. Sure we had our moments where I questioned our relationship, but what I did was unforgivable. I would not have been able to forgive myself for what I did. When N did it to me, it signaled the end of our relationship.

I did this in front of his friends — Many of which I told I was dating Smiles. I made myself look like a complete whore, and I made Smiles look like a fool. The man who was singing my praises was the man who witnessed my greatest downfall. This was one of the worst things I’ve ever done in my life, and there was no making up for it and no undoing it.

I continued to tell Smiles how bad I felt about the whole thing. He was trying to make conversation and ignore the subject, but it was all my mind could fixate on. “It’s fine. Stop worrying about it,” he kept saying. We ate breakfast and talked about a few things I can’t recall because my mind was completely elsewhere. I was crushed. I almost had to leave the restaurant, Extra Virgin — His favorite restaurant, so I could go outside and cry.

It was a gorgeous day, and Smiles told me he wanted to go for a bike ride. He asked what I had planned for the day. I couldn’t think. I had no plans. I was hoping to spend the day with Smiles, but clearly that wasn’t an option. I decided I was going to try to meet Boston before he left the city, even if it was at the bus stop. I had to tell him what I did. I knew he wouldn’t look favorably on me, but I also knew he wouldn’t judge me. I left Smiles with a kiss as he walked south, and I turned and walked north. I decided to walk off my disgrace.

As I pounded the pavement from 11th street to 43rd, I tried reaching Boston. He wasn’t answering the nearly twenty-five calls I made to him. I needed him. I needed someone to talk to. I decided to hit up my roommate and see what she was doing. Maybe we could curl up on the couch and watch a movie to help make the day pass by. I talked to her for a bit, but she had plans. I couldn’t bring myself to tell here what I did. I was too ashamed. I would tell her later.

I decided to call Smiles during my walk. I wanted to make sure he knew how broken up I was about it if we were to survive this. I reiterated how bad I felt and how wrong I was as I tried to choke back tears and a vocal quiver. “Listen. It’s okay. It’s in the past. It was New Year’s Eve. You were drunk. That was 2011. This is 2012. Don’t worry about it. It’s alright,” he assured me. I think he realized how upset this made me, and that was all I could do. My fate was in his hands…

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