Posts Tagged gay sex
Alumni Weekend
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 18, 2011
Following my debacle of a night with Sexy Eyes, I woke early in the morning to go back to my apartment and get ready for alumni weekend at my college.
The previous night, while sitting on my couch, I received text messages from a teammate of mine from college. Unbeknownst to me, many of my teammates were attending the wedding of one of the guys I swam with in college. The texts started off saying hi and asking if I was still going up to school the following day, but then they took a turn I wasn’t expecting.
A little over a year ago, when I came out from behind the brick wall I built up, I started telling my friends as I felt comfortable with the news myself. I was hosting my annual holiday bash, and I invited many of my teammates from college who were in my graduating year. The guy I was dating at the time would be in attendance, so I felt the need to clue my friends in on this news as not to blindside them if they decided to attend.
I sent out emails, text messages and instant messages to many of them. They were all supportive. It was very refreshing to see their positive reactions. I did ask them to all please use discretion since it wasn’t yet public knowledge. I figured by telling them all around the same time, they could chat amongst each other, rather than with the people I hadn’t had a chance to tell yet.
Fast forward to today, and many of my younger teammates still didn’t know. That is, until the wedding. I’m not sure how it came up, but one of the guys I graduated with told one of the younger girls. I do have to say, I’m surprised and impressed he lasted that long before telling anyone. It was only a matter of a few hours before it spread like wildfire among the rest of the attendees. I’m certainly not mad about the situation. It’s a slightly uneasy feeling — I felt very vulnerable. I would have preferred telling them myself at a comfortable and convenient time, but what’s done is done. Now, they all know.
So the text messages began with: “So I heard you came out.” I acknowledged the statement and asked how he found out. He wouldn’t tell me. He wasn’t going to give up the source. I told him I wasn’t mad about it, but more just curious. I wanted to know who knew, so I wouldn’t say anything dumb or lie to someone who already knew the truth. He finally told me one of our female teammates told him. I asked her where the intel came from and she led me back to the source. The text conversation with my male teammate ended with him telling me he had something to tell me, but only in person the following day. A small red flag went off in my head, but only the following day would solve that question. What couldn’t he send me in a text that he had to say in person?
I assumed they all went up there early to go out to the bars Friday night. When I arrived on campus and found out they were all there for a the wedding, I could only assume my entire team knew at that point. Surprisingly, no one said anything about it to me, and no one treated me any differently. Not that I immediately noticed anyway.
We had an alumni swim meet Saturday morning when I arrived at the school. My main concern was not looking fat and swimming at least decently well. I wanted to be the guy who stayed in shape or even looked better than college instead of the pudgy men many of my teammates have become. It was just my inner gay coming out at that point. Much to my surprise, one of the fittest guys on the team asked if I’d been lifting and commented on how I looked more muscular. I was thrilled. Goal 1 — Accomplished. Then we swam a few races, and I actually had the top time of anyone in the pool. I felt great, especially since many of these guys were much more talented than myself when we were in school. Goal 2 — Accomplished.
Following the meet, many of the swim alumni hung out together. We drank in the parking lot, hit up the campus green, toured new buildings, etc. One of the younger alumni, whom I’ve never spoke to before, was chatting me up throughout portions of the day. I didn’t really notice this until that evening when I was leaving. One of the guys who lives near me in Jersey and I decided not to spend the night. We just made a day trip of it. When the younger alumni learned of our departure, he came up to me and inquired about us not going to the bar that night. I found it odd he would care I was leaving. Then I remembered the topic of conversation among the group the night before. It just seemed to come out of left field the way he asked the question and said, “Well, maybe some other time then.”
Between the drinking on the green and getting in the car to go, I decided to stop by an old friend‘s apartment on campus. He was my freshmen dorm’s mentor and a close friend over the years. It had been over a year since we last spoke, and I wanted to make a point to catch up with him. I took two of my teammates with me to visit him. We had a nice chat, and I chuckle when I think back to the point in the conversation where he asked me about dating and marriage. I smiled and told him I was a bachelor, at least for the time being. He is a religious figure, and I wasn’t 100% ready to tell him right then and there. I do want to take the time to tell him since he is such a good man and good friend, but I still need to find the right timing and setting.
On the ride home, I realized my teammate never told me what it was he had to tell me in person. When I texted him, he didn’t remember making that statement at all, and claimed he was very drunk the night he was sending them. He thought it was just who the source of intel was, but I doubted that. I’m not sure what he had to tell me, but I hope he would feel comfortable telling me whatever it was he needed to say. But maybe it was simply what occurred the night everyone found out. Who knows?
He also took the opportunity to reiterate his support of me and noted he has many gay friends he supports fully as well. It was nice to hear because he was a good friend in college when we swam together. I know he has a big heart, and it meant a lot to hear it all from him.
All in all, it was a successful weekend. It’s relieving to know the cat is out of the bag, and I received no negative reactions. I can never know what was actually said or joked about when they found out, but that’s simply human nature. I can only hope they come to accept me for who I am and be happy I’m finally happy…
Follow @onegayatatimeSexy Eyes Pt 2
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 17, 2011
Things were finally starting to look up for me. I met Sexy Eyes for coffee, and we really hit it off. On top of that, I spent the night in his bed. The compatibility was there on both the emotional and the physical. We both shared active lifestyles and had a lot in common. I was really enjoying the idea of dating him. He seemed like a great guy. Aside from Sexy Eyes, Smiles also showed an interest in continuing to get to know me. We only met for a short period of time over a drink, but he was willing to take more time to learn more about me.
Even though I saw Sexy Eyes twice that Thursday, they were both unplanned dates. We had a planned date that Friday, and I saw no reason to cancel it.
I spoke to him throughout the day to make sure we were still on. He had volleyball again that evening. He invited me to join. In fact, he strongly encouraged me to do it. It was open gym play, and he wanted to play with me. I was very intimidated because he had been playing the better portion of his life. I’m good, but I’m completely amateur. I’ve never had any formal training and have only played recreationally. That doesn’t go to say I wouldn’t play with him in the future, but I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of jumping into that just yet. I’d only just met him (I say that as I am now thinking in my head about how we already had sex).
After work, I went home and relaxed for a bit. He was occupied until about 10:00, so I watched some TV until it was time to shower and get ready. I hopped on a bus into the city to meet him for dinner and was running a little late. I thought since I was late he’d be ready by the time I got into the city. That wasn’t the case. When I texted him to tell him I was at Port Authority, he told me to come up to his apartment until he finished getting ready. I walked up to his apartment and arrived just as he was finishing up.
He answered the door, and we exchanged a kiss. He pulled back quickly and scolded me for not having a close enough shave. I get irritated if I shave every day, and that day was an off day. He complained about his face being sensitive and fear of breaking out. I partially understood, but a larger part of me recognized he was just being a prima donna.
I sat casually on the couch which he finished up. I felt very relaxed and comfortable with him. I was constantly joking with him and making witty comments. It was fun verbally sparring with him. That is alway something I enjoy.
Finally, it was time to go to dinner. We talked about the different options since it was already 11:30. I defaulted to him since it was his neighborhood, and I didn’t even know what would be open at that hour.
We ended up at the Renaissance Diner in Hell’s Kitchen. We sat outside the restaurant and chatted while we waited for our food.
I noticed a trend with him. Every time we had a conversation, it was monopolized by him. He was interesting to listen to, but he was also 75% of the conversation. It wasn’t easy to get a word in edgewise. The conversation was also heavily interrupted by the judgmental comments he made at every passerby. If he wasn’t ripping their outfit to shreds or looking indignant because someone glanced at him, he was ripping apart their walk or the way they looked. He was being entirely over judgmental, and it didn’t look good on him. He even made a comment about how I dress “straight.” He informed me my polo was a bit too loose. “You have a nice body. You should show it off more with a tighter shirt,” he noted. I thought my shirt was actually quite small, and I had no interest in dressing “gayer.”
The meal drug on for some time. It was getting late, and I either needed to go home following dinner, or I needed to get up early the next morning because I was going back to my college for alumni weekend. Finally, after dinner and the endless cup of tea he ordered, we got the check and walked back to his place.
When he told me to get comfortable and ready for bed, I determined I was spending the night. We hopped into bed under the covers, each in our underwear, and turned out the lights. We started kissing and cuddling until he pulled me over and rolled me on top of him.
At that moment, he informed me “tonight it’s your turn,” meaning, I was going to bottom for him since he bottomed for me the previous night. I made a hard stance and informed him that would not be happening. I told him I don’t do that just for anyone, and I have to be dating a guy for some time before I’m going to give that up (since I really get nothing out of it on my end).
He was NOT a happy camper. He even got out his phone to go over the semantics of what I originally said on the subject. Apparently, in a text, I said, “I only bottom for a guy I’m dating.” I guess in his mind, after coffee and two dates, we were dating — Not the case with me.
He started to pout and was getting very combative and confrontational because I wouldn’t bottom for him. “Whatever. It is what it is,” he exclaimed. I laid there for a minute, and finally said, “Do you want me to go?” He replied, “Where are you going to go? It’s 2:00 in the morning.” I told him I would go wait in Port Authority for the next bus back to Hoboken. He said, “If you want to go, go, but I’m not asking you to leave.” That was a clear indicator I should have gotten dressed and left, but selfishly I needed sleep. I had alumni events the next day, and spending the night standing in Port Authority was not something I was interested in. Instead, I curled into a ball and laid as far to the edge of the bed as possible with my back facing him.
When I woke in the morning, it was a half hour before my alarm was set to go off. I quietly got dressed and was ready to walk out the door. I wasn’t sure if he was awake, and I didn’t know how to address our current situation. I was willing to give him a second chance if he was willing to be understanding on the topic. I stood over him to see if he was awake until finally I reached out and touched his leg. He jumped up and I said goodbye. He picked his head up to give me a kiss and said, “I’ll talk to you later.”
With that, I left. There was no way in hell I was going to be the one to make first contact. He treated me like a common hookup and demanded I give it up to him when he knew I wasn’t comfortable with that. Granted he was willing to do it for me the night before, but that was a choice he made. I did not force anything upon him.
On my walk to the bus, I played around on Grindr, answering my messages and seeing who was awake to pass the time. Ironically, this is the last time I would be on Grindr for some time, but I needed something to distract myself from the sh*t-show I was living.
Of course he never called or texted after that morning. It just proved to me it wouldn’t have been a good relationship, and I was happy to get out when I did. I didn’t need that kind of drama in my life, and I certainly wouldn’t miss it. Over the course of twenty-four hours, the relationship between us completely soured, and I would have to go back to the roster to find a more suitable candidate…
Follow @onegayatatimeSexy Eyes
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 13, 2011
After seeing Sexy Eyes on the street with my roommate, I decided to make him a priority. He not only impressed me, but also my roommate. She wanted to date him . He was charming and funny and had a smile and sexy green eyes that gave me butterflies.
On my way home that night, I began texting immediately. He was all but begging me to stay in the city that night with him, but I insisted I would not let my roommate walk home alone at that hour of the night. He heavily respected my decision, but also attempted to persuade me to come back on another bus after I walked her home.
Instead, I promised we would go out the following Friday. That still didn’t satiate him. He wanted to know why we couldn’t meet Thursday. I explained I had my volleyball league Thursday nights, so I would be unable to meet up. I figured he would understand being quite the volleyball player himself.
That of course was a lie. I scheduled a meeting with a guy from OKCupid. It was an interesting scenario. The guy reached out to me originally, but after chatting a bit, I came to learn he was seeing someone. He was just looking for friends. I didn’t buy it of course, but if that’s what he really wanted, I was game. I need gay friends. We scheduled happy hour drinks for Thursday evening after work.
On top of that, I scheduled another date with a guy I met on Grindr a week prior. Between these two, there would be no time to meet Sexy Eyes.
When the OKCupid friend had to bail because of a follow-up job interview, I decided to see if Sexy Eyes was available for after work coffee. I figured we could sit and chat and get to know each other a little better.
He bit. He was extremely excited to see me. Immediately following work, I walked down to the Starbucks closest to his office. He works at a financial law firm and would not be finished for the evening. He was, however, able to step out for about an hour to chat.
The conversation was mainly dominated by him, but it was good nonetheless. We talked for about an hour before I told him I needed to head home for volleyball (my other date). Our date ended with a few smooches and a hug. I was really feeling this guy. We shared a lot in common, he was older and had a respectable job, he was very good looking, he was fun to be around… The list goes on. As I walked away, he texted me telling me he wanted to kiss me more, but didn’t want to make a scene near his office. He begged me to come back into the city after my “volleyball game.” I entertained the idea in my head, but I made no promises. Who knew how my next date would go?
I met the next guy at a bar near the Christopher Street PATH station, but that will have to be tomorrow’s blog entry, because as you may have suspected, I wasn’t quite done seeing Sexy Eyes that evening. After my second date, I went home, showered and changed, and hopped on a bus back to the city. Sexy Eyes was just finishing up his own volleyball workout as I was getting to Port Authority.
We agreed we’d go out somewhere, but made no plans. When I arrived at Port Authority, I called him to find out the plan. He told me he just got out of the shower and needed to finish getting ready. He gave me his address and told me to come to his apartment. We would make a decision where to go from there.
When I arrived, I told the doorman who I was there to see, and he let me up to the apartment. I was greeted at the door with a very nice kiss, and we chatted while he finished getting ready.
Somehow, we both ended up in his bedroom just as he finished getting ready. He sat on the bed in front of me, lifted my shirt and began kissing and licking my entire torso. It felt amazing.
Between kisses, he asked if I wanted to go out or just stay in. I didn’t need to verbally answer because I was already removing his shirt. I hadn’t had sex since Labor Day. I won’t say I was a big ball of horny, but he was a very attractive and seemed very interested in me and not just my body. I wanted him. Bad.
(Warning: The following may be graphic for some) Shortly after, he was undoing my belt and unzipping my pants. He was thrilled to learn I submitted to his request to wear briefs. I never wear them, but if a man requests it and thinks I look sexy in them, who am I to disagree? He then pulled down my briefs and opened his mouth and felt amazing. It had been a while since anyone did anything with my body besides my own two hands, so I was completely enjoying the moment.
Things got hotter, and we both ended up on the bed in numerous positions. Throughout the course of our time in bed, he started playfully biting me. I’m not gonna lie. It hurt! I went along with it because they were quick, and I have a high pain threshold. But, I wasn’t entirely into it. This was something that may have to be resolved down the road. At the peak of the passion, I was inside him, and we were both thoroughly enjoying ourselves. He finished during the act, and shortly after, I finished myself off. As per usual with the guys I’ve been with, he was impressed with my finale. Something I’ve learned to take pride in based on the reception it usually gets.
He beckoned me to come join him in the shower to clean up so we could snuggle in bed. After the shower, we laid in bed together and watched the late night news. It was getting very late, and I was constantly dozing off. After realizing this, he suggested we turn off the TV and go to bed. After all, we both had work in the morning, and he had to be up earlier than I did.
The next morning, we woke at the same time. He hopped in the shower while I read over emails from his bed. When he got out, I hopped in for my turn. He told me he would probably be gone by the time I got out. I was instructed to take my time and just pull the door shut behind me on my way out. I thanked him and kissed him goodbye.
That evening, it was affirmed for me the biting had gone too far. All day at work, my chest was sore where he bit me, and when I came home and got undressed, I looked like I was abused in certain spots.
That morning, I walked to work with a smile on my face. It was a good night, and I met a good man who seemed to be interested in me. Over the few months I’ve been out and single, I’ve learned my lesson not to count my chickens before they’ve hatched. Maybe I’ve become slightly jaded in the process, and this bothered me. But, this was something I needed to start doing so I wouldn’t get my hopes up and get hurt in the end.
Follow @onegayatatimeRude Can’t Begin to Describe
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 10, 2011
When I joined OKCupid, I had high hopes for the site. My ex, Broadway, told me to check it out. I had never heard of it before, but I was certainly willing to give it a shot.
When I joined, I made a profile and began poking around. I was very disappointed with the talent on the site. I found it very hard to find someone I wanted to send a message. I decided to take a passive role. As people viewed my profile and sent me messages, I sorted through the interested men to see if there was mutual interest on my end.
One guy started messaging and seemed to be compatible with me. He wasn’t the best looking guy, but he certainly had something different going for him. I decided to give him a shot. We started chatting on OKCupid, and quickly moved the conversation to the phone. He texted periodically, but mostly, he called at night before going to bed. We sparred playfully quite a bit. Our exchanges were fun, but periodically, he would push the envelope too far, and I would simply shoot him down.
As time passed, I wondered why he continued to call. I learned he wrote a Broadway show to be released in the spring and was contacting some very big names to be the female lead. He was in line for a lot of success, but at the time, he was working out of his apartment and living a below average lifestyle. We talked a little about me and what I do, but we didn’t get much into hobbies and what we do for fun. He was being elusive on those details.
I enjoyed the phone calls and the attention, but every time I hung up the phone, I would say to myself, “Why is he still calling me?” There were a few things we had in common, but I didn’t feel I was really what he was looking for. It seemed he was looking for a guy who would roll over at the snap of his fingers. I certainly wasn’t filling that position. I was actually beginning to look at him as great practice to be more confident and demand more from a man who was interested in me. When the conversation switched to sex, we discovered we were both tops. Even with that knowledge, he took every opportunity to ask me for a picture of my a$shole. I adamantly declined to fulfill that request. I made myself perfectly clear that was not something he would be receiving from me.
When he didn’t drop the request in every phone conversation following, I got quite heated. I told him if that was all he was interested in, he was barking up the wrong tree. I wasn’t on OKCupid to find a guy to have sex with. I was looking for more substance. If that was all the substance he had, he needed to move on. I think he finally got it. But, I also think he thought he was just being playful, and I was overreacting.
It was also getting to the point where I needed to meet this guy. We talked for over a week, and I wasn’t going to invest any more time if he wasn’t worth it. He was already on the fence in my mind — 50/50. But, I was willing to give him a chance, even though the odds were not in his favor.
We planned to go out on Saturday for drinks and a bite to eat to celebrate the casting of his lead female. Over text and phone conversations Saturday morning, I told him I would head into the city and meet him at 6:30. When he responded at 5:15 requesting we do 6:00, I sprang into action to get ready. On the walk to the PATH, I texted and called constantly. He wasn’t responding. I wasn’t about to get on the PATH until I knew where I was going and where I should get off.
I stopped at Starbucks and ordered a latte. Luckily, I grabbed my coat before I left my apartment, because I would be sitting on a park bench outside the PATH station for the next 45 minutes. I continued to call, until finally, he picked up the phone. He shouted, “Geez! I’ll call you back! Give it a rest!”
I was so insulted. No man was going to speak to me that way and get away with it. I was already passing the time by talking to guys on Grindr, and one even went on to invite me out for a beer. I should have abandoned my original plans at that point and had the beer. The fact that he continuously pursued me boosted my ego so much it became the only thing keeping me to those plans. Sad, I know.
Instead of grabbing the beer with the guy on Grindr, I went to The Melting Pot, where my friend is a bartender. I figured I’d grab a glass of wine and give this as$hole a few minutes to get back to me about our plans for that evening. I was going to give him a second chance, but I wasn’t going to let him get away with talking to me like that.
When he finally called, he didn’t acknowledge the time passed since we planned to meet. He also didn’t acknowledge barking at me over the phone. I was very short with him and called him on it. He didn’t apologize. His response: “Well, you can either come buy me a glass of sangria to celebrate my casting, or you can go home and cry about it.” I was flabbergasted! He had some nerve! Now, I was going on this date out of spite. I was going to be spectacular and then shoot him down.
When I arrived, he stood to greet me with a hug. He commented on how attractive I am — better than my pictures — and how he would have put more effort in if he only knew. He was laying it on thick. I could tell he was very attracted to me. I thrived on it. With every word, he gave me more power. He was actually less attractive than his pictures. I wasn’t interested in the slightest, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t use the date as target practice. I shot him down at every attempt. He made a few lewd comments, and I made my disgust apparent. When he made a cavalier comment about hitting the restrooms as a joke, I went off on him. I asked if that sort of thing normally worked for him. I pointed out how much of a negative effect it had on me. This guy was truly a creep. Ironically, I was having so much fun shooting down a guy who was pursuing me, when I should have been looking forward to the date’s end.
I found out he was late for the date because he was arguing with someone on the phone. He claimed he barked at me not knowing who it was and apologized. If he wasn’t rude enough, he spent 70% of the date texting on the phone. The argument wasn’t over. He didn’t even have the decency to give me his undivided attention.
When the date ended, we began to walk towards his apartment and the PATH train. When we reached a crossroad, he pulled me in for a close hug. Luckily, I didn’t have to kiss him, as he was recovering from a cold. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t trying to pull me closer than is comfortable. He started to make a comment about my being arouse, but I pointed out to him how much that wasn’t the case. I was blunt. “I could not be less aroused right now.” And, after a little more conversation, we parted ways.
I was shocked when he followed up with a text stating his desire to meet again. I responded, “That most likely will not be happening. We have very different priorities, and you were exceptionally rude.” He questioned how he was rude, and I decided it wasn’t even worth my time to recount the scenarios. He truly was an as$hole.
The best part of this was that I walked away unscathed. I actually had fun being blunt yet dignified. I wanted him to want me so badly, so when I shot him down, he’d realize what he was missing. I think I was successful considering the texts continued for some time…
Follow @onegayatatimeDr. Nice
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 6, 2011
Since ending my slew of hookups, I decided to put full effort behind building up a new roster of guys. This time it would be for meaningful dates, not meaningless sex.
Over the course of a month or so, I corresponded with a guy on adam4adam.com. He seemed like a really nice guy — Almost too nice. But, what the hell? I hadn’t done the nice guy thing yet, so why not give it a shot?
He wasn’t the most attractive guy on the site, but he certainly wasn’t unattractive. I also like him because he seemed eager to meet me. I hit him up and asked if he had time to meet.
We agreed to meet up for drinks and maybe a bite on Friday after work. This was my first non-half-day Friday in two months, so it wasn’t a hassle to schedule something that evening. I wouldn’t need to commute back into the city for the date. He lived on the Upper West Side, so we agreed on a spot at the northern end of Hell’s Kitchen.
I arrived at the bar before him and waited for him to arrive. When he did, we decided the bar was a little packed to be able to hold a conversation. We crossed the street and sat outside a Mexican bar/restaurant.
We ordered chips and guacamole and beers and chatted a bit. I asked him to remind me what he did again. I went into the date very blind. I should have at least looked back over his messages on a4a, but I had a hard enough time scheduling the date in the first place. Maybe I wasn’t putting a full effort into finding a guy this time around after all.
He explained he was working his way towards becoming an anesthesiologist. I was very impressed, but a big red flag popped up in the back of my head. I have never been thrilled with the idea of dating a doctor because they don’t keep regular hours, which makes it difficult to spend time together or plan getaways. I began to ask about his schedule and what he does with his time off.
I was very surprised to hear how much free time he has. He talked about hiking trips not only in upstate New York, but also in other countries. He explained he had mainly regular hours with the occasional outlier.
The conversation started getting more relaxed, and we were really finding common ground. I kinda thought about this guy as a wildcard, but he was really surprising me. There was still something holding me back. I was realizing that I wasn’t truly an equal opportunity dater. I was actually quite shallow. I saw this guy in front of me with a lot of things in common with myself, but I just wasn’t physically attracted to him. He was kinda cute in his own way, but it just wasn’t doing it for me. He was a lot shorter than me as well.
As we chatted, I thought in the back of my head how great he would be as a friend, but that’s a tough transition when you’ve asked someone out on a date. How do you tell them you just want to be their friend? That says, “You’re fun to hang out with, and we can do a lot of things together. But, I just don’t want to sleep with you because I don’t find you attractive.” Not the nicest impression to make on someone.
When we finished our beers and the temperature dropped below a comfortable level to remain sitting outside in short-sleeved shirts, we parted ways. It didn’t end with a hug or a kiss. We simply just said goodbye and went our separate ways. I felt a little guilty, and I wasn’t ready to cut him from the roster, so I sent a followup text: “Very nice meeting you tonight.” He responded with the same sentiments and suggested we find time to meet up again. I agreed. In the end we never communicated again. What is meant to be will be, and what isn’t, won’t.
After saying goodbye to him, I went on with the rest of my night — Another date I was meeting down the street…
Follow @onegayatatimeTurning Over a New Leaf
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 5, 2011
With the passing of Labor Day, summer officially ended in my book. I was sad to see it go. Like always, it flew by in no time. Its passing wasn’t all sadness, however. My favorite season was right around the corner. The changing of the leaves, the crisp air, the smell of fireplaces… all things I loved about the fall.
Just as the seasons were transforming, so too was I. Since I broke up with N, I went off the deep end. Part of this is because I never had my wild time. While everyone else was hooking up and experimenting in high school and college, I was being a good boy. I sat there and watched everyone else experience relationships and casual sex. I was asexual. Sure, I had my fair share of hookups with women, but nothing worth writing home about.
When I finally accepted myself and came to terms with my homosexuality, I found myself in a relationship right off the bat. I never had a chance to meet new guys and discover new things. Following my breakup with Broadway, I had a short window of wild time, but it was mainly filled with dates that ended with me going home alone. Then came San Francisco, shortly followed by N. This summer was the first time I was single and gay. Did I live it up? Yes. Am I proud of everything I did? Hell no, but I also have no regrets. Everything was an experience, whether it was something I learned from or something that made me a better person.
I began to look back and examine my summer. I wasn’t being true to who I am — True to myself. I don’t have casual sex. I’m a monogamist. I crave a meaningful relationship with a special guy who appreciates me, body and soul. If I kept sleeping around, I was never going to find this. I need to make a change. I thought I would be able to ease into it when I returned from Martha’s Vineyard, but I was wrong. I needed to be more drastic. I was going to be a good boy, even if it meant the palm of my hand would be raw.
I had two friends with benefits. I needed to cut them off completely. Closet was still messaging me since we last hooked up. “Hey man, haven’t talked to you on a while. Hope all is well. Don’t want to sound insecure or anything(too late), and I know you said its not a bother to text/email you, but just FYI in case that ever changes just let me know you’re lookin for something different or you’re seeing someone else. Lol feel free to lie to me, just would rather know if you’d rather me step back… I don’t want to become one of those creepers that I keep hearing about haha. Anyway hope to see you sometime, even to meet out for a drink or something. Later man.”
I originally found both my friends with benefits on adam4adam.com, so I sent them both messages on there. I lied and told them I was seeing someone, and I wouldn’t be able to see either of them anymore: “Hey dude. Sorry I haven’t hit you up. Everything is fine. I have started seeing someone, and I decided I need to stop with hookups outside a relationship regardless of that person. I think you’re a great guy, and I had a great time with you! Don’t doubt that. I just need to find a serious relationship right now, so I’m concentrating on that. I hope you understand!!!”
While the muscular weekend hookup simply replied, “No worries,”
Closet had a few more things to say: “Hey bro, its cool. No hard feelings. I mean can’t say I’m not disappointed, cause putting the physical aside, you really seem like a great guy, and I’m glad we met. Honestly, I felt weird saying it to you before, but now what the hell hehe…you’re the first guy I was with that made me think I wanna come out(not to mention my first for a few other things, lol). Obviously not saying I was in love after a few hookups lol, but I felt something more than just empty sex. I’m considering it after the holidays this year (you know, one last Christmas where the family likes me, hehe), but I’ll revisit that one later. Anyways, you’re a great catch, and I hope you find a great guy – and my offer remains open if you wanna grab a beer, just as a friend, hit me up. Thanks again dude, and I hope our paths cross again sometime. P.s. Two more things… 1. Thanks for being so patient with me in bed and all that, even though I still need to loosen up a little (pun intended), you really made me feel comfortable. 2. If you ever run into me while out at bars or whatever, cuz I’ve been in Hoboken quite a bit lately, feel free to say hi. I’m trying to gradually cut back on the paranoia part of all this.”
I felt pretty bad about the situation with Closet. It was obvious he was starting to fall for me, but I had no interest in pursuing anything with him. I knew I was right to cut it off when I did.
Outside of my regulars, I gave up Grindr cold turkey. I knew it would be too tempting to fall into something if they were hot and looking to hookup.
I joined OKCupid, was checking ManHunt and adam4adam.com regularly to see if there were any guys reaching out to me I’d be interested in meeting. It wasn’t easy finding a man up ’til now. I couldn’t expect it to get any easier just because I stopped hooking up with random men. None of the men I went on dates with previously showed any interest in seeing me again. Pillow and The Trainer kept giving me the runaround, so I had to learn when to simply give up and move on.
I started to wonder what was wrong with me. What was I doing wrong? Without the sex and without the happy feeling I get when I have a prospective guy I’m seeing, I started getting cranky. This was going to be a learning experience for me. I needed to not only find a man, but also to find myself. In the meantime, everyone around me would to have to watch out. I was not a happy camper…
Follow @onegayatatimePrincipal’s Office
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 4, 2011
Starting the final Friday of my vacation, I began talking to a very interesting man on the mainland of Massachusetts. Right off the bat we clicked. Of course, I found him on Grindr, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a man of quality.
I tried my hardest to convince him to visit me. I suggested we grab a drink and/or dinner. We went back-and-forth on the issue, and of course, I ultimately lost. No matter how hard I tried, he would not get on a ferry. Even after offering my bed following his question of where he would sleep, there was no convincing him. I went as far as to pull a shirtless picrture out of my arsenal. No dice.
But that didn’t deter me. We spoke every day of the rest of my trip. I enjoyed his messages. I enjoyed the cat-and-mouse game we played. When the time came to drive home, I turned to him to entertain me for the long car ride. We started messaging each other the second I hopped on that ferry. Had I been in charge of my own transportation, I would have made a detour on the way home, but that wasn’t an option for me.
Instead we took the oppotunity to get to know each other over five-and-a-half hours. I learned about his job as an elementary school principal. I enjoyed picturing him with a myriad of children circling around him. I remembered how much respect I had for my principal growing up. It was fun to picture the little tykes looking up to him. I learned he swam in high school and coached a team as well, but he had to give it up when he left the classroom for the principal’s office.
When we stopped at a gas station, I surprised him by calling for the first time. It was great to hear his voice. He never expected me to pick up the phone and call, but after talking to him for three days, I thought it was time to speak to him instead of just texting. The conversation was short, but it was special.
Once we got back on the road, it was back to texting. Periodically, I would switch back to some of the other guys on Grindr, but I didn’t have much interest in them. They lived in Rhode Island, Connecticut, etc. It was crazy enough I was trying to continue the conversation with someone in northern Massachusetts.
However, I learned one thing when I was working things out with San Francisco from across the U.S. You can find ways to make a long distance relationship work, but certain understandings need to be met. Both parties need to be willing to put in great effort to make it work, and an end game needs to be discussed at some point.
My mainlander continued to point out how ridiculous it was for us to be talking. He was very skeptical of the whole thing. I tried my hardest to get him to open up. I told him, “I’m not thinking about that bridge until I come to it. Right now I’m just enjoying chatting with you. Does it make sense to do this? No. But could it be something special? Only time would tell. But, it’s sure to fail if you don’t give it a chance to even begin.”
With every word, I found myself falling for what I pictured this man to be. I proceeded with caution, but I was also diving in full force to explore the possibilities of where our conversation could go.
When I arrived home, the conversation ended for the day. I was preoccupied with other men, but that doesn’t mean the conversation between us ended at that moment. I liked everything I was discovering thus far, but there was much more digging to be done…
Follow @onegayatatimePrince Charming Pt 2
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 3, 2011
Ever since my first date with Prince Charming, I have been trying to see him again. With the exception of being unavailable often because of his job as a flight attendant (soon to be pilot), he was everything I was looking for in a man. I thought about him often, but tried to curb my excitement for fear I would find myself disappointed.
We spoke on the phone for an extended period of time while I was in Martha’s Vineyard to try to plan a time we could get together. It was nice to get to hear the sound of his voice again. He told me his upcoming schedule and planned to get together the Wednesday after my return from vacation. He would be coming off a long working weekend in Scottland Tuesday evening.
When Tuesday rolled around, I started to become worried about the potential for Wednesday. I was back to work and knew the full scope of work laid out for the week. We had a pitch that Friday that would lead to me traveling to Memphis Thursday afternoon. I knew my Wednesday night was going to be stolen by work. Tuesday when he landed, he sent me a text message. I near lept for joy. I was thrilled he reached out to me. I was on his mind. I texted him back on my walk home from work. It was pouring outside, but I still had a smile on my face.
I took the opportunity to warn him I possibly would be unable to meet Wednesday. I asked him what the chances were I could see him that night instead. I knew he was tired from the long trans-Atlantic flight, so I proposed ordering take-out and a movie on the couch, even though I owed him a home-cooked meal from scratch. It was already 7:00, and I had no time to plan out and cook a meal to the extent I would need to impress him after his spectacular creation for me.
Surprisingly, he bit. Once I explained both my roommates would be out of the apartment, he agreed to come over. I was shocked at how little convincing he needed after telling me how exhausting that flight is. He said he would have to shower and get ready to come by. He was moving at a snail’s pace after waking up from a nap and apologized for such. He asked for my understanding. I told him to take whatever time he needed, as long as it meant he was coming over. I was literally blissfully walking through puddles as I texted back to him. I didn’t care what was going on around me. I had a smile from ear to ear, and two very wet shoes.
When I got home, I cleaned my room and showered. He asked me to find a good Italian restaurant to order from. I called my Italian ex-roommate to ask which one he preferred since I respected his taste in Italian cuisine. I set the menu on the counter and waited for him to call. I instructed him to pull up in front of my apartment, and I would hop in the car to help him find a parking space. He already resented Hoboken and its lack of parking. Anything I could do to offset that would work in my favor.
He drove around for quite a while before finally calling me. It was a downpour outside, so parking was even more at a premium. He pulled up and I hopped in the car. I leaned across the car and gave him a kiss. We drove around for twenty minutes without finding a single space that wasn’t flooded out. He said the only other option was to go to his place, but he would have to drive me home late at night because his roommate (the one that isn’t his ex) was coming home at 5:00am. I didn’t question it at the time, but a huge red flag went off in my head. Why did it matter if his roommate came home? It had to have something to do with living with his ex. When he brought me over to his apartment the fist time, no one else was home. He was hiding something, even if he told me in full disclosure he lived with his exboyfriend who he was separated from. At that point, I suggested he drive home and take a cab to my apartment, but he was ready to give up.
He asked me to give him credit for the effort, but I wasn’t satiated. I wanted to spend time with him. He made me happy. The parking situation was ruining my night. It had nothing to do with not getting sex. I just wanted to spend time getting to know him.
He drove back to my apartment and dropped me off. I gave him a few kisses and went on my way. I walked back into the apartment like a defeated soldier. We agreed to try for the following evening, but I had very low expectations for that. It was late, and I was starving. I found some frozen food in the freezer that was easy to heat up, and I sat on the couch for the remainder of the evening alone with the TV remote.
The following evening, I found out I would not be at work that late. I texted him immediately, only to find he was unable to come over. He had an early training flight the next morning. We agreed to shoot for the following Tuesday to meet up again. From that moment on, I resolved myself to not get my hopes up. The new discovery about the sneaking around his roommates did not bode well for progress between us.
The following Monday, I sent him a text asking if I would get to see him. After getting no response, on Tuesday I followed up with a phone call but still didn’t receive a response. When Friday came along, and he signed on Grindr, I messaged him to ask if he was avoiding me. I also sent a text, should he not get my Grindr message. I wasn’t going to stalk him, but I was shocked he would treat me like this after telling me how much he enjoyed my company. He finally responded, “I am going through some things with my ex, and I don’t want to drag anyone into the middle of it.” I immediately replied, “I have to respect that, but I have to tell you, I’m very disappointed.” He texted back, “I understand and apologize.” That wasn’t an acceptable apology for ignoring me. I thought he was different and would treat me with respect. If he told me that instead of avoiding me, I would have had to accept it and move on. It’s just the games I don’t appreciate.
Who knows if it really was his ex or if he just lost interest in me. I will never know. I followed up with a text saying, “That doesn’t mean we can’t grab a friendly drink sometime at the bar. Don’t be a stranger.” I still needed friends as much as I needed a lover. I was willing to accept that level with him since I thought he was such a good guy. However, he must feel differently. I haven’t heard from him since…
Follow @onegayatatimeParty Like a Rockstar
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 30, 2011
After my post car-ride romp with Closet, I set off for the city to meet up with the tattooed, long-haired hunk I’d been chatting with for months. He sent me some of the sexiest pictures I’d ever seen. He was nothing like any type of guy I’d ever dated, but there was something about him that really drew me in. Every time I showed my friends/roommates his picture, they exclaimed their disapproval and pointed out how difficult it was for them to picture us fitting together.
However, I don’t always listen to my friends. He was both sexy and stimulating on a conversational level. I am an equal-opportunity dater. I will meet with almost anyone to see if chemistry exists. Everyone deserves a chance.
I texted him as I walked to the PATH to find out what the plan was and where we were headed. Earlier in the day, he asked what I had in mind. I knew he didn’t drink, so I suggested grabbing coffee or a bite or taking a walk. He responded to my texts explaining a friend was feeling a little down and wanted to hit up a movie. Would I be interested in something like that? I wondered what was up here. Did he feel a chaperone was necessary? Was he not that interested after all? You can’t exactly chat much in a movie. It’s perfect for a third or fourth date. You just sit and hold hands/stroke each other’s arms and enjoy just being with each other, but as far as a first date goes, it’s not the best option.
I agreed and asked him to tell me where to meet him. He gave me the cross streets that are near his apartment. I hopped on the PATH, got off at Christopher Street and got in a cab to cut across town to the Lower East Side. I wasn’t particularly thrilled with where he lived. It was a very inconvenient neighborhood for me to reach on a daily basis, but again, I couldn’t let something like that get in the way. And, who knows? Maybe he would just become a booty call.
I arrived at the corner to find him in an old rocker tee with the sleeves cut off, safety pins joining a big tear in the material, ripped jeans and boots. He was in great shape as well, with his biceps exposed. He was nothing like the guys I’d ever gone on dates before, but I was entranced. He looked great. I examined his tattoos as we walked.
In the biggest twist of irony, we skipped the idea of hitting the movies. There was no mention of it at all. Instead, he turned to me a proposed, “Wanna go grab a cupcake?” It was precious to hear those words coming out of this tough, hard rocker guy. It was a big part of what drew me to him. Rough exterior with a soft cream filling. I graciously obliged, and we made our way to the coffee shop. He ordered a tea and a red velvet cake while I grabbed a slice or tiramisu and a SmartWater. We sat on the two seats sitting on the sidewalk outside the shop and began chatting.
I learned about his job and his hobbies. He is a songwriter in his spare time, and a few years ago, he was part of a rock band. He took the time to show me some of the videos he cut together with their music as well. I was duly impressed. He shot almost all the footage himself and edited the videos together to the soundtrack he wrote and his band (or him solo) performed. I actually liked many of the tracks and appreciated his talent. I think he was impressed a piece of white bread like myself would be interested in music of that genre. I genuinely liked it and would have put some of them on my iPod. I told him he’d have to send me some of them when he got home later.
We chatted about what I do for work, and it segued into some of this other projects as well. He did screen prints and tee shirts as well. I liked this guy’s entrepreneurial spirit on top of his day job (not including for anonymity’s sake). When they were ready to close up shop, we made our way down the street. He was looking to buy cigarettes, so we walked to a few shops to find his brand.
In the meantime, we saw two brightly lit flying objects hover over a highrise building and then disappear. I am in no way saying this was an alien, but it certainly was a UFO. He pulled out his iPhone and captured some quick video of the incident and immediately posted it to Facebook. We were both baffled as to what they could be, as well as where they disappeared to.
As we continued to walk, we somehow got onto the topic of his celebrity. He happened to be a contestant on a reality competition show on Bravo. I was now beyond impressed by his talents. He detailed some of his creativity through the challenges and told me how far along he made it. I don’t know why he didn’t bring this topic of conversation up earlier. Some of the previous conversation was dry, and this would have breathed new life into the conversation. I was more interested in the idea of the competition than I was with the fact he was on TV.
After sharing a cigarette and looking at some of his artwork on his iPhone, the time came to say goodbye. I was a little disappointed I got no action. It was obvious he wasn’t that interested in me, but I was still attracted to him. He gave me a hug, and I flagged down a cab.
Since the date, we’ve become Facebook friends and have chatted a few times, but I don’t see a second date in our future. However, that doesn’t mean a friendship won’t blossom where a relationship would fail…
Follow @onegayatatimeBooty Call
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 29, 2011
On Labor Day, we began our journey home early in the morning. It was a fun week in Martha’s Vineyard. It wasn’t quite the same as other years. Outside my dalliances, the week seemed very tame. I wondered if it was because some of the group are now paired up, or if it was because we are getting older. Either way it was a great way to end the summer, even if I’m not exactly proud of how I behaved this summer.
I spent the five and a half hour ride in the back of the car. While I was on the island I found a guy on Grindr who lives on the mainland. I tried my hardest to get him to come visit for dinner/drinks/more, but no bites. I talked to him the entire ride home, but that’s another post for another day.
I knew I’d arrive home mid-afternoon. I didn’t want to waste the day unpacking and lounging in front of the TV, so I tried to lay some groundwork for an evening date with some of the candidates still on the roster. When none of them replied, I was quite disappointed — And, horny. After chatting and exchanging pictures with my Massachusetts mainlander and other random Grindr men I encountered on the road home, I was in the mood for some action. I didn’t want to pull in another random from Grindr or adam4adam.com. I was trying to curb sex with strangers. I did however have two friends with benefits still in my back pocket. They were itching to hop in the sack with me as much, if not more than I was with them. They both messaged me numerous times while I was in Martha’s Vineyard to inquire about my return home.
I called up Closet Guy and told him to come over. He jumped at the opportunity, but needed to run home and shower before he could come over. And, just my luck, one of the guys on my roster took that moment to respond about meeting up that evening. He had been on the roster for MONTHS. He was one of the first guys I talked to, and we had been trying to meet up ever since. I wasn’t going to turn down the opportunity to finally meet up, but I also had to deal with Closet. So I did what any horny, selfish guy would do — I scheduled both back-to-back. I told Closet to hurry because I needed to go into the city to meet up with a coworker to discuss everything I missed over the week before heading back the next morning. It was perfect. He would come over, have sex and leave without any of the post sex chatter.
(Warning: The following may be too graphic for some) When he arrived, I brought him straight to my bedroom. He stripped, and I threw him down on the bed. We made out like we hadn’t seen each other in months. Hands all over each other. It wasn’t long before he was begging for me to be inside him. He hopped on top of me and went to town. It was just what I needed after a long car ride. Shortly after, I rolled him over and we tried a few other positions, ending with him on his back. That’s when things got slightly messy. It’s always unfortunate when that happens, but it happens. It’s the nature of the beast. It’s quite a mood killer, but I always try to be dignified about it. I’m sure it was a learning experience for him, as I was the only one to penetrate him. I asked him if he wanted to move things to the shower and conveniently laid the hand towel I had at my bedside over the spot on my comforter as to not draw attention and embarrass him further.
Once in the shower, we lathered up and continued the fun until we were both fully satisfied. It actually worked out quite well because I love shower sex, and I needed to shower before heading into the city to meet the long-haired hunk I texted earlier. It was both fun and a time saver.
We toweled off and got dressed. I kissed him goodbye at the door and continued to get ready for my date. I thought things would change when I arrived home from vacation. I thought I would get back to my old self where I could only have sex with someone I truly had feelings for, but I was wrong…
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 