Posts Tagged drunk
The Wedding Roommate Date
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on November 17, 2011
After Smiles left for New York to return the rental car with the two other girls from the screening, I sat around waiting for my roommate to wake up. When I got bored with that, I hopped in the shower, repacked my bags and laid everything out to get ready for the wedding. The night before, I promised her I wouldn’t wake her before 10:30. Obviously, all that didn’t take and hour and a half.
Finally, the time came to wake her. I sat impatiently while she got ready. She suggested we go eat and come back to get ready for the wedding. I agreed. However, when we couldn’t find a place to get brunch for about 45 minutes, we gave up and decided to go back to the house to get ready. We would grab breakfast at the first decent place we passed on the way to the wedding.
I was ready in about 10 minutes and had to wait another 40 minutes until she finished getting ready. WOMEN! This always makes me realize part of the reason why I’m gay! I’m sure my straight male readers can relate to me on this one!
We found a nice place to grab some great coffee and breakfast sandwiches. It was owned by a brother and sister pair far older than I. At one point, while talking to the gentleman in the booth behind us, they started to bicker. I put my head down and began to chuckle to myself. “Excuse me sir! I don’t think this is very funny,” the sister said towards me in a semi-joking tone. Now, I was laughing blatantly. “What’s so funny?” she asked. I explained my relationship with my older sister and how I could easily relate to the brother. I immediately was on her bad side, but I could tell deep down she really liked me — It was all an act. Everyone was eying us up ever since we walked in the door. I was wearing a dapper suit and my roommate had on a hot dress. There was no way to simply blend in now.
We finished our breakfast, we made our way for the door. The sister made a point of making eye contact with me and giving me a dirty look, but the brother also made a point to wish us a pleasant day.
Once we got back on the road, I was reminded once again how bad a driver my roommate is. She was all over the road and scaring the crap out of me. In fact, as we approached a cop on the side of the road, she veered off the road once again.
We got to the hotel and settled in. As we checked in, I noticed a guy in a tux (who I would later find to be the groom) who resembled me. I pointed him out to my roommate and she agreed. When the time came, we made our way to the church. We barely made it in time. We were actually running from the car.
After the wedding, my roommate and I walked downtown to take a few photos and buy some chocolates for my great-aunt. We had a lot of fun.
We made our way back to the hotel to hang out at the bar with my friends from college before we hopped on the bus to the reception. While closing my tab, the uncle of the bride asked me if I was a relative. I was a little perplexed since he was a relative. He should know if I was family. Then I realized there were two families coming together that day. I told him I swam with the bride in college. “Oh. You look a lot like the groom — Like you could be his brother or something,” said this man. I laughed and said I noticed the resemblance as well.
At the wedding reception, I really came to appreciate my roommate. As a gay man, I have limited resources for a wedding date since I wasn’t in a relationship. I planned to go with another female teammate who is still a great friend, but she went and got pregnant on me so she couldn’t travel. I floated the idea to my roommate to be my date months prior, and she jumped on the opportunity. She went to the same college as the bride and I, so I knew she’d fit right in.
I witnessed another friend from college sitting at our table arrive to the wedding and the reception stag. We had quasi dated in college for a very short period. The bride actually tried to set us up. She was the only single person at our table (I’m not exactly sure how you get a table with an uneven number). I felt really bad for her, but I was also very happy I didn’t show up stag myself.
I got myself nice and lubricated with about half a bottle of scotch and had a blast the rest of the night. The only time my roommate and I weren’t on the dance floor was to walk outside so we would stop sweating. Then, we’d make our way right back to the floor. The girl who came alone even came up to my roommate and made a comment about how lucky she was to have such a great wedding date (or so I was told later by my roommate). I had so much fun at this wedding – The most fun I’d had at any wedding I’d been to before. This is all for one reason. I had a great date! It makes all the difference. Who’d have thought taking your roommate to a wedding could be so much fun?
After the reception, we went back to the hotel bar to hang out some more. The problem was, all my friends left, and my roommate and I were exhausted. Half an hour passed, and the bride was nowhere in sight. While we waited, I took the opportunity to text Smiles: “Sooooo much fun! Missing you!” We were ready to give up and go to bed, but not before we raided the cereal bar for a late night snack in our room.
In the morning, we went down for the complimentary breakfast in hopes of seeing the bride again. I learned she wasn’t coming down because they had to get on with their honeymoon plans. I also learned I missed her last night at the bar, had I only stayed a little longer. I also received a text while we ate from Smiles. “Morning! Glad you guys had fun. I wish I could have spent the afternoon out there with you!” It was a very nice sentiment, and it brightened my day a little.
With that, we took coffee to go and got back on the road home…
Follow @onegayatatimeBirthday Smiles
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on November 8, 2011
I’m not gonna lie. I was nervous. I don’t get nervous very often, but I wasn’t quite sure the situation I was walking into.
Smiles had his birthday at The Jimmy, a rooftop bar at the James Hotel in lower New York City. As nervous as I was, I set no expectations going in. I didn’t want to concoct all these crazy scenarios in my head, only to not see them play out.
The morning of his birthday party, I put A LOT of thought into what I was going to wear. I care about what I look like on a daily basis, but there was so much more going on here. I was nine years his junior, which meant many of his friends would also be a fair amount older than I am. I wanted to make sure I didn’t look like “who brought the child.” I tried on numerous permutations of clothing until I finally settled on one I felt comfortable with. I even consulted with my female roommate who works in the fashion industry. I wanted to look mature and smart, but I also didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. (I’d like anyone to argue against me that I don’t over-think things too much).
I finished work that day at 5:00. Smiles and I had tentative plans to grab dinner before his party if I got out of work at a decent hour. When that time came, he was unable to keep those plans. He had a lot of things he still needed to do before the party, so he told me we would grab dinner with one or two others following the birthday gathering. I found something to snack on, and when the time came, I leisurely walked downtown to the hotel.
I had never been to there before. When I arrived I had no idea where I was going, which only heightened my anxiety. Finally I reached the rooftop bar and was able to find Smiles standing out on the deck by the pool. I walked up to him and was welcomed by an embrace, no kiss. Still early in our “relationship,” and not fully knowing the situation I was walking into, I didn’t initiate a kiss myself.
After a minute of small talk, I walked to the bar to grab an adult beverage for myself and a soda water for Smiles. I learned the night before he was not going to be able to participate in the libations due to the cleanse he was going through for his Ayawaska ceremony.
When I returned, he had a glass of champagne, which he felt obligated to sip since someone purchased it for him. I held on to his soda water for him until he needed it. He began introducing me to the friends he was speaking to at the time. He simply introduced me by my name, or a few times, “This is my friend,” and then my name. I had no expectations, but I was curious how I would be introduced. Certainly not boyfriend, but maybe as the guy he’s been seeing? No dice.
Early in the night, Smiles introduced me to one of his friends. This guy was younger than the majority of the crowd, and I made him buddy for the night. We hit it off and shared similar senses of humor. I knew Smiles would be preoccupied all night with his guests, so I prepared myself to be more social than I normally am. I didn’t want to be a wallflower or that creepy guy that lurks around and talks to no one. I was happy to have found someone to pal around with for the night.
Then the question I was dreading all night came up. My buddy asked me, “So how do you know [Smiles]?” I simply replied, “Recent friends.” We both smiled big, and he looked at me with a perplexed look. “That’s all I’m going to get?” he asked. I took a second, cocked my head to the side as I thought about it, and simply replied, “Yup.”
I then turned the question on him. Apparently they met on Fire Island and were just casual friends now. I wasn’t sure of the timing of this, but my instincts told me they hooked up at one point. To any normal guy, these things don’t pop in their head, but Smiles and I did meet on Grindr.
As more friends of the younger sect (all probably about five years older than me still) started showing up, my buddy and I began chatting with them. The question came up many more times asking how I knew Smiles. When others answered, there were a few “mutual friends,” but there was also a, “the old school way — Craigslist.” My brain was in motion. In my mind, my stock plummeted right then and there. Obviously he was still close with these guys if they were coming to his birthday party. Was he still seeing any of them. We were by no means exclusive. But, seeing these guys in person made me uncomfortable. However, I soldiered on.
It had been a while since I saw Smiles, so I circled back to him. He was starving. I offered to grab him something to eat just as he was simultaneously asking me to (keeping in mind his special dietary needs on top of the new ones for the cleanse). He pointed out “his” waitress for the night. He handed me his credit card, and I ordered him some tuna tartar tacos. When they arrived, he scarfed them down as to not miss a minute of his party. I was happy I was the one to which he turned to take care of him. He enjoyed them so much, he went back for seconds.
When I returned to my conversation circle, my buddy had departed. I was very disappointed because I wasn’t thrilled with anyone that was left. However, I continued to make small talk for the remainder of the night.
The time came to grab dinner. Smiles gathered a small group of about seven of us. We walked across the street to Cafe Noir and grabbed a table. Smiles sat at the head of the table, and I made sure I snagged the chair to his right.
The whole time at the restaurant, Smiles felt a little distant. I began to read far too much into that. I wondered if he was doing that because someone else would be offended if they saw him being affectionate towards me. Was there another “me” at the table? I was shocked I got an invite to his birthday gathering so early on. Who’s to say there wasn’t someone else in the exact same position?
I had my hand casually under the table and was rubbing his knee periodically. I wanted to see how he’d react. Nothing. I was a little hurt and confused.
I wanted to make a good impression on his friends in front of him. I was able to contribute greatly to the conversation over dinner. I attentively watch the news and stay up on current events, so I was actually the local authority on the topic of conversation. I wanted to prove to him I could hold my own.
When dinner ended, we walked outside in a large group. Many of his friends were going to smoke and invited him to join. He declined (the cleanse) and said he was going home. They also specifically asked me if I would come, but I too declined. I was hoping I was going home with Smiles. We split from the group and walked towards his place.
We weren’t a block away before he said, “Do you mind if I throw you in a cab instead of walking you up to the PATH since I don’t have a jacket and I’m freezing?” Apparently I would not be going home with him that night. I assumed he would invite me back to his place considering it was 1:30am. I even brought a spare shirt to work that morning for the following day should I be spending the night in the city. That wasn’t going to be the case.
At that point, I said goodbye to him on the street and began my trek up to the PATH. I was dreading my commute home since everything runs on a sparse schedule at that hour of the morning.
It also turned into a very long solemn walk because I was very disappointed with how the night played out. I felt so far away from him. A few nights prior, I thought I made so much excellent headway with him when I got an invite, but after the event, I had a very different picture in my head.
I tried not to let it get to me, but I can’t lie. It ate away at me for the rest of the night and into the next few days. I’m sure the fact that I had about six Johnnie Walkers didn’t help. At dinner the night before, he casually mentioned taking me to the opera that Saturday, so it was planned I’d see him again, and soon. But, it was mentioned so flippantly, I wasn’t sure I was officially invited. So many crazy ideas were floating through my head.
I was trying to follow friends’ advice to make myself a little less available to him. I was told I should make him seek me out, instead of the usual me seeking him out.
With that, I attempted to go about the rest of my week without driving myself insane, but that wasn’t going to be easy…
Follow @onegayatatimeSex On The Beach
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 28, 2011
Friday had come and gone on the island, and I behaved myself. I was trying to enjoy my time with my friends and stop thinking about finding a guy to hang out with, hookup or not. But, when Saturday rolled around and most of my friends were all coupled up, I started feeling lonely once again.
We went to a bar in Oak Bluff, Offshore Ale Company, to pregame for a night on the town. We ordered plates of french fries and tried some of the many beers they offered on tap. Everyone was well on their to a drunk night.
Throughout the night, I texted the Russian and tried to get him to come out to the bar. He wasn’t interested. However, he was quite horny and was looking to meet up with me. He proposed we hit up a remote stretch of beach between Oak Bluff and Vineyard Haven. He told me he’d drive over and pick me up in twenty minutes. I had patchy service everywhere on the island (Thanks for nothing T-Mobile!), so I was worried he wasn’t going to be able to reach me. Ironically, that night at the bar, I had exceptional service, but almost forty minutes passed by with no word from him. I texted, but I received no response.
I figured he was either running behind or something came up, so I contined to hang out with my friends. Ironically, I ran into my college teammate’s best friend whom I’ve drank with many times in Hoboken. We chatted a bit before he needed to leave, and then I made my way back to the rest of the gang.
I excused myself to go outside to call the Russian and see what was up. I told everyone I’d be back in a minute after I made a phone call. When I got outside, I saw him standing by his car. He apologized for not getting back to me because he forgot his phone at home. I hopped in his car, and we left for the beach. I texted one of my friends to explain I wasn’t coming back in the bar, but I would join up with them later in the night.
We pulled off the road into a small parking lot by the beach. Just as we were walking down to the sand, another car pulled up. We figured we’d need to walk a bit to get out of site of the new arrivals. It didn’t help the moon was bright that night. (Warning: The following may be too graphic for some). When we found a spot, we started to make out. He unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants. He got down on his knees in the sand and went to town. He felt amazing. Already, this was much better than the ginger and the construction site. All attention was coming to me, and I was basking in it. He took off his sweatshirt and laid it on the ground and laid down on his back on top of it. I laid on top of him. By now, both our shirts were off and our pants were around our ankles.
We agreed there would be no penetration, but we were going to have our fun in other ways. And, boy did we. We tried many positions and permutations, trying to avoid getting sandy at all times. After we finished decorating the sand, we got dressed carefully and walked back to the car. The last thing I wanted was to spend the rest of the night at the bar with sand in my clothes and boxers. We sat on the hood of the car and shared a cigarette. When it was finished, we hopped in, and he drove me back to town where my friends were drinking and dancing at the bar.
I arrived too late and was not granted access, however, this worked out well because some friends were heading home anyway. I joined them to head home for some late-night mac n’ cheese.
It was nice to have a friend with benefits on the island. He lived on the island year-round and makes his living in various ways, one of which is photography. This would be the last action I got on my vacation, but that didn’t mean the conversation ended there.
Since leaving Martha’s Vineyard, I became Facebook friends with the Russian. The Boston guy with the girlfriend has made it a point to text and email me the dates he is coming to New York City. The ginger photojournalist has texted me once to reiterate the good time he had and to ask how the rest of my vacation was going once he arrived back in D.C. Overall, it was a nice ego boost. Apparently I’m that good and hot enough they felt the need to followup.
Most likely, I will never see any of them again, but I take with me some fun memories and new experiences. Just as my vacation was ending, my priorities began to shift. Sex was starting to severely lose its mystique. It tends to do that when you have meaningless sex. I needed a change and this was a good transition point. When I got home, things were going to be different — Or at least that was the plan…
Follow @onegayatatimeThe Closet Turns in His V-Card
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 23, 2011
Just when you thought you heard the last from N, he’s made his way right back into the blog. You certainly weren’t the only one. We hadn’t spoken in a while. I got tired of his constant insinuations I was a whore. I was finding myself, and he was certainly not someone who should be judging me. I was over him, but I still wanted his friendship. But, if that meant dealing with the harassment I was receiving, I didn’t need his friendship that much.
On a random Thursday night at 12:30am I received a text from N. This is the conversation that ensued:
N: “Wanna go out? Cmon! Lol. I just got in from dinner with French coworkers.”
Me: “What!?”
“Lol. I took tomorrow off.”
Me: “Haha. Me too.”
N: “Hahahahah. Let’s gay bar. Lol. Jk. N’ play with men.”
Me: “Haha. Where’s your boy?”
N: “My boy?”
Me: “Yea.”
N: “He’s home. I just said I wanna play. Not hookup.”
Me: “I wasn’t saying that.”
N: “I’m not a slut.”
Me: “I didn’t say you were. Don’t put words in my mouth.”
N: “Can I put something else in your mouth instead?”
Me: “Lol. I’m not a slut. Haha.”
N: “I bet. ;)”
Me: “Okay. Maybe a lil”
N: “Pig”
Me: “?”
N: “Joke”
Me: “You at home?”
N: “Yup.”
Me: “Not going to the bar, but I’ll hang on the balcony if you’re down… Bored…”
TIME PASSES
Me: “Ha! Waiting for a better offer?… Haha”
N: “STFU. I’m smoking with my roommate.”
Me: “Enjoy.”
THE NEXT MORNING
N: “God, I was wrecked.”
Me: “Any interest in a trip to the gym uptown?”
N: “I’m going into work in five. Taking a cab. Or else I would.”
Me: “I thought you took the day off?”
N: “I think I’m going there from now on. I saw your old roommate there Wednesday.”
Me: “I know. Don’t change your gym for him. He’s not gonna blow you in the sauna…”
N: “Okay. I wasn’t changin’ for your weird unattractive ex-roommate, or for a sauna blowjob. But thanks for looking out.”
Me: “Any time.”
N: “Jerk.”
He may have gotten his jibes in, but I certainly didn’t stand there and take it this time. I started out playing along to try to show him the comments didn’t bother me. I thought if I played along, maybe they’d stop. I was wrong. That’s when I realized I needed to throw it right back at him. It seems to have worked. At this point I needed a break. His drunk texts may have been sober thoughts, but I wasn’t playing that game! It just proved to me once again I was the guy who conveniently lived across the street. Only time would heal that wound.
That entire week, Closet was texting me asking for sex. That Friday night I was free, and once again, I was home alone. I told him to come by.
This time, when he arrived, we went straight to the bedroom. We chatted while he took his shoes, shirt and pants off, but that didn’t last long. He lunged for me on the bed and was immediately on top of me, passionately making out. We stripped each other of all clothing and enjoyed each other’s company immensely.
Then, out of nowhere, he informed me he had been doing some preparation that week and asked me to try penetration again. I knew he was a virgin to this and it would certainly be a learning experience for him. I debated if I wanted the responsibility of being his first. He was a really nice guy, and we were having fun. In the five seconds I thought about it, I convinced myself, “Why not?” We were both here just to hook up. Why shouldn’t it be educational as well?
We both prepped, and I began slowly. VERY slowly. He of course winced at first, but soldiered on. I was impressed. After a while he really enjoyed himself, but then all of a sudden he asked to stop. He said he felt the need to urinate. He ran into the bathroom but nothing. He came back, and we began again. He apologized once more and said he had to use the bathroom. Again, nothing. He came back perplexed. I explained it was something he needed to get used to feeling. I was possibly pushing on his bladder or prostate. The whole time we were hooking up, I was slightly distracted. I kept thinking about how much he felt like a kid. He is older than I am, but he certainly felt like the much younger student. It was a strange dynamic. I barely knew what I was doing. How was I teaching someone else?
We began again, and he started to relax and enjoy himself. By the time we finished, he was enjoying himself full force. And thus, a bottom was born!
We laid there and chatted a bit. I got us glasses of water while we talked. After some time passed, we both showered, got dressed, and I gave him a kiss goodbye. I didn’t want to get in too deep with him, but for the time being, we were having fun. I wasn’t going to stand in the way of that. I had a feeling as well, this wouldn’t be the last time I saw Closet…
Follow @onegayatatimeUnexpected Lovin’
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 14, 2011
All week long, I was still reeling from my date with Prince Charming. He was really everything I was looking for in a man. Mature, driven, sexy, interesting, masculine… the list goes on. However, I couldn’t limit myself to just him. I needed a distraction or I would end up driving him away. Pillow seemed to have fallen by the wayside. Not sure what went wrong there, but I wasn’t going to put any more effort into chasing him down. After coffee with the midtown trainer, I realized the potential we had for compatibility. He seemed like a really great guy. On top of that, he was texting me asking when we were going to finally go out again, which is always a good sign. Apparently I made a good first impression.
We agreed to go out for dinner that Wednesday. He chose an Italian restaurant, Il Melagrano in the neighborhood between his gym and apartment. When I arrived, he was already sitting at a cozy table at the back of the establishment. I apologized for being slightly tardy, and we got to it.
We chatted a bit about what we were going to order, and then turned the conversation to our days so far. He had a very busy morning, while I had a day mainly filled with surfing the internet. When that conversation got stale, I brought the conversation back to something we spoke about on our first “date” — His skydiving trip. He was very excited, and we joked about all the possibilities of things going wrong and what he could do about it. When age came up, I could see he was uncomfortable with how much younger I was — Seven years. I told him not to think about it and to judge me on my actions and words and not my years on the planet. We changed topics of conversation periodically from working out, to work attire, to the Tough Mudder, to Fire Island, his dog and so on…
When our meal arrived, we continued the conversation. I feel as if I was doing a lot of the talking because he finished his food much sooner than I. When I realized this, I started asking more questions and did less of the talking myself. The conversation flowed well over our single glasses of wine, but it wasn’t 100% fluid. At one point during the conversation he mentioned his studio apartment: “Well, you’ll see it some day when it’s not a complete mess.” It was nice to hear, because it showed promise of another date and signaled to me he was a gentleman.
After coffee and desert, I walked him home. The conversation on the walk was much more jovial and relaxed. I felt very at ease with him. When we got to his apartment, I was ready to say goodbye on the street, but he invited me in to his lobby. We started making out and things began to get heavy. He backed himself up against the wall and pulled me in closer. His hands were all over my body, including down my pants, and I was seconds away from him having my shirt completely off. At that point, he paused long enough to hit the elevator button, signaling an invitation upstairs.
From the look of him, he was tipsy off the one drink we had at dinner. I wasn’t expecting to move this fast, so I was a little caught off-guard. I liked this guy and debated if I should be doing this with him already, but I just went with the flow like I usually do. When we entered the apartment, I got to meet his dog. She was very cute and friendly. He put her in the bathroom so she wouldn’t bother us while we got busy.
Seconds after I sat on the couch, he ripped my shirt off. At least I knew he was attracted to my body. Him being a personal trainer, I was self-conscious about my body. His was nothing short of spectacular, so I was hoping I’d live up to his standards.
We moved things to the bed, and both of us had our pants around our ankles. We were doing some heavy petting and grinding. It was a good time, but once again, I was having second thoughts about this. After some more fooling around, he finished. I wasn’t able to join in the fun as my head was a bit distracted. And then, on top of that, I was worried he’d wonder if there was something wrong with me or if I wasn’t attracted to him. Neither was the case. It’s just something that has always been adversely affected by mental distraction.
While he went to clean up, I began to put my pants back on. He already established he was getting up around 5:00am to go for a run and had a 6:00am client. I knew he wouldn’t want me to linger for small-talk. He came back and sat next to me with the dog at our feet. She already took a shining to me after I gave her an extensive belly rub, but when he went to give me a kiss, she started making noise. At this point, he made a game of it and started testing her, scolding her between every kiss until she didn’t make a sound.
At that, I gathered my things and said goodbye with a kiss. I walked down to Port Authority to take the bus home. Normally, my MO. was to text immediately and tell him how much I enjoyed the date, but this time I waited to see if he texted me the next day to see if he was interested, especially since the night didn’t end exactly smoothly. Only time would tell…
Follow @onegayatatimeWhoring It Up in OCMD
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 25, 2011
It was that time of year. The annual family trip to Ocean City, Maryland. Every year I both looked forward to and dreaded this vacation. While it was a week to disconnect and relax, I knew I was surely in for some excessive boredom. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but we’ve been going to the same place for years. I can only take so much of it before getting tired of it.
We arrived on a Sunday, and one of the first things I did was turn on Grindr. I’m addicted. I know. It’s an issue, but I also knew it would be my salvation from the boredom that would ensue. After riding in the back of the car with crap piled around me feeling like a twelve year-old, I needed to get out and do something. My parents plopped down in front of the TV, a position they would take for the next three nights as well. I wasn’t feeling so lazy. On top of that, I was already getting grief for playing on my phone while we sat and watched TV. I needed to get out.
I managed to find a nice guy on Grindr not far from where I was staying. He was from Pa, not far from where I grew up. He certainly wasn’t around the corner, but he wasn’t far either — 2.5 miles. I decided to go for a run. I could run down to his condo, say hi and turn back. It was also a good way for me to squeeze in a run as well. I told him I was going to run down there. As I got near, it appeared he was going to chicken out on me. I told him, “You’re really going to flake on a guy who just ran 2.5 miles to say hi to you!?”
Eventually, he came out to say hi. I think he had ideas in his head of us blowing each other on the beach, but I was just there to say hi. We walked around the block and talked about a few things. He was no adonis, but he was certainly a nice guy. I thought it would be nice to grab a drink with him later in the week just to chat. I wasn’t looking for anything sexual while down here on vacation. I was turning over a new leaf, remember? I said goodbye and ran back home.
The next day, a local guy found me on Grindr. He was a bit of a sweetheart. We swapped a lot of pictures, and he expressed his interest in getting naked with me. This would be very tough. I would have to plan a way to get away from the family without raising suspicion.
That’s when I created my friend “Will” from college. He was down in OC with his family. He was based on a real guy, so it wasn’t difficult to come up with material on how we knew each other, but he was not real.
Monday night, the guy I met on the run hit me up for a hookup. I told him that’s not what I was looking for. He managed to find service elsewhere. A guy invited him over, and they gave each other head. He told me how incredibly hot this guy was, but also about how he wasn’t fully comfortable with his sexuality.
In any case, “Will” and I were going for a run that Tuesday morning followed by breakfast. In reality, I was meeting this cutey for breakfast at his favorite local spot and then heading back to his house if we hit if off for some fun. Breakfast was very nice and we hit it off. I followed him to Ocean Pines, a ten minute drive from breakfast.
We went into his room and had great sex. It was just what I needed. We both really enjoyed ourselves a lot! The time came to say goodbye and head back to the family. On the drive back, I was beaming. Sex always looks good on me. Just then, N texted. He totally ruined my high. I was on this vacation to completely forget about him for a while, and he was making this nearly impossible. This was the second day in a row he texted. I called Boston to brag about my morning romp and bitch about N once again. Poor Boston.
That night, the guy from the run explained to me his boyfriend was arriving. This was the first time he brought up the fact that he had a boyfriend. My relationship wounds were still fresh. Infidelity was a BIG turnoff. He proposed we all go out, but we would have to meet “by chance.” I said, “What? So I sit at the bar looking all sad, and you two come sit next to me and chat me up? Not gonna happen.” Besides, Tuesday night was an annual tradition for my father and I to go to Hooters for wing night. He knows I am gay, which makes it even more ironic, but we always have a good time. It’s the one time of year he orders a beer when we go out. There is an element of humor added as well. My mother loves the wings, but she refuses to step foot in the fine establishment, so we order too much food and take the leftovers home to her.
By Friday, his boyfriend was back home in Pa. We made plans to grab a drink together, nothing more, but he was having a hard time committing to anything. In the meantime, another guy was hitting on me on Grindr. He was good-looking in his picture, and after talking for some time, he asked me to come with him and his 3 friends to Rehoboth for the night. I debated in my head just how risky this was. Looking back, it was a really dumb idea, and I never should have done it. But, life without risk is life unlived.
They picked me up and we went back to their condo for a few drinks before heading up to the bar. When I met all the friends, I knew I got myself into a bad situation. These guys were all hicks from right outside D.C. I wasn’t scared, but I also suspected I wasn’t going to have a good time… To be continued…
Follow @onegayatatimeDéjà vu
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 17, 2011
Thursday night, after my usual volleyball game, I grabbed my roommates and took them to my favorite local watering hole. It was going to be the perfect drama-free night I needed. We were gonna have fun! I invited N, but he had plans to go to dinner with friends and said he had to be at work at 6am.
However, we arrived at the bar only to find it DEAD. No one was out. We didn’t let that get us down. I took the opportunity to introduce the new roommates to all the bartenders, bouncers and even the manager. I went to this bar every weekend, and they treated me like family. I wanted my roommates to be shown the same love. The bartenders poured us drinks all night, and we all got properly drunk. We were also dancing up a storm with the five other people in the bar.
All night long, I was getting texts from Mr. Grindr. He was out and wanted to know what I was up to. Turned out, he was at the bar next door. I told him to come by, but he didn’t. When it was about closing time, I told him to come over to my apartment. He was a little weirded out because I was walking with my roommates, but I told him they were cool. He met us when we were halfway to the apartment. I hung back from the roommates and chatted him up on the walk home. He wanted to know why I wasn’t calling to hang out. I said the same thing back to him. If he wanted to hang out, he could just as easily pick up the phone and call me. I wasn’t all that thrilled about hanging out with him, but I wasn’t opposed to exploring the benefits of being friends.
When we got back to my room, of course the conversation started to revolve around N because he was texting him once again while he laid in my bed. For some reason, Mr. Grindr felt the need to show me some of the texts N was sending. One jumped at me. It said “baby boy” in it. Another little piece of my heart broke at that moment because that was something N called me all the time. I thought it was a term of affection he used towards me, but apparently it also went for guys he was trying to have sex with. Looks like I was simply one of those guys after all. When Mr. Grindr didn’t respond to the texts, N responded, “Well. Have fun with whoever you’re with.” Mr. Grindr suggested a threesome at this point. “If you think that’s happening, you’re nuts!” I responded.
Mr. Grindr told me he felt weird again because he had been talking to N before he even met me. Once again, I imagined they would have hooked up sooner if both weren’t in the closet to their roommates.
We started hooking up and things got hot. We had sex multiple times that night. At one point, he tried to insert himself with great force without any preparation. I’m not a fan of being a bottom to begin with, but this was unbearable. I nearly flung him off the bed and ran into the bathroom to make sure I was alright. That certainly was not going to happen again. I decided right then and there, that was going to be a prize possession only a special few would receive in the future.
In between sessions, we had a conversation about him staying or leaving for the night. We also somehow got on the topic of his parents being in the middle of a divorce and the issues it was bringing up for him. He was drunk, but the conversation was getting heavy beyond my comfort zone. He also mentioned something to the effect of him wanting to invite me to his brother’s wedding in the coming week. I quickly changed the subject because that was NOT going to happen, and I had no idea where that came from. We ended up both falling asleep and him spending the night. He certainly liked to cuddle and spoon. The next morning, he woke up and had to rush home to get ready for work. I texted him after he left, mentioning us grabbing a drink a the bar sometime, and he agreed. This was the last time I saw him, and I don’t plan to see him again. He carried a lot of baggage I didn’t want to get into.
I hopped on Grindr to see who messaged me overnight. I noticed N was signed on and only a few feet away. So much for being at work at 6am. He didn’t owe me an explanation, but he was starting to really show the pattern of a pathological liar. I don’t know why he even felt the need to lie. He could have said, “I don’t feel like going to the bar tonight, but thanks.” I would still try to be his good friend, but trust would always be an issue between us.
Ironically, I found solace through this whole breakup in a Beyoncé song. I found the lyrics exceptionally poignant. If you’ve gone through a recent breakup, I highly suggest listening to it.
The next day I felt myself feeling empty from my recreational sex. I spent 26 years masturbating. It was nice to have sex on demand, but it was emotionless and empty. I didn’t like who I was becoming. I needed to change. I decided then and there I wanted to find a boyfriend, and I needed to stop trying to fill the void in my life with meaningless sex.
That weekend, many of my friends went away. N went down to the Jersey Shore, and I was jealous. I was unhappy and lonely. I needed to learn how to be alone again. That night, I went to bed and had many dreams about men and Grindr. This proved it was consuming my life. I needed to cut back, or I would become one of the gay men I despise so much…
Follow @onegayatatimePetty Games
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 12, 2011
On the Monday, following my trip to the Jersey Shore, I didn’t want much to do with N. I embarrassed myself the previous week by getting obliterated and trying to drag him to my room days after we broke up. And then, while in Belmar, we managed to create a situation once again. It was too much drama. I remembered the days I carried no drama. Those certainly were the days. I needed to find a way back to my drama-free days.
The night before, N texted me. I didn’t feel the need to respond, considering he wasn’t responding to me when I was asking him about coming to the beach. But come Monday morning, sure enough, I got a gChat message from him: “Morning. Did you ignore my texts on purpose.” Of course I did, but I wasn’t about to open up that door. I told him I was busy the night before. He responded, “It’s ok. I was worried you were very mad at me for Sat night.” Of course, I was over Saturday night. I cursed him out for it, we talked about it, and I moved on. I was still annoyed he never got back to me about the beach. “How come you never came to the beach?” He told me it was because his roommate didn’t get back until 2:00, so he hopped on the 3:30 train. “I didn’t feel like staying. I was tired,” he said. “And then you went dark,” I responded. Of course he couldn’t extend the common courtesy of telling me this information the day of.
Then he took the conversation where I didn’t think it was going to go. “Busy as in boy busy?!?!?” Where did he get off? There was no way he was asking out of the goodness of his heart because he wanted to ensure my happiness. And, of course I wasn’t about to tell him about my date, especially since it was a bad one. I didn’t need to open up that can of worms. So, I lied: “And no, I wasn’t boy busy… I was unpacking and repacking and getting ready for work. And, I was doing laundry and talking with my roommate.”
I tried to change the subject as fast as possible. “And I’m sorry again for the ‘f*ck you.’ ” He responded, “Don’t be. It’s not your fault I acted like a scum bag and did one or two things I shouldn’t have.” It was nice to hear him take responsibility for his actions. This was a definitive change. Maybe we could be friends after all.
Then I mentioned to him that NC noticed he deleted him on Facebook and blocked him on gChat. “Good for him. I could care less,” was his response. I apologized and told him not to shoot the messenger. I never should have gotten involved. I have no idea why I did. Then he went on to insult NC on a very low level. I understand he was angry, but he was delivering some low blows all over a few discrepancies in a hookup story.
Then, N said, “You should go ahead and let him know why.” I told him I wasn’t getting in the middle of it. That was a lie. I already got myself in the middle, but at this point I wanted out. More drama I did not need in my life. “I shouldnt have brought it up! I’m sorry.”
I tried to change the subject once again. This time to his roommate and the reason she came home so late. I also had a friend I wanted to set her up with. We talked about it a bit and finally found a topic of conversation to have a civil conversation.
Just when I thought we were finally moving forward. Finally moving on. Finally going to be friends, N went and ruined any progress we made. Tuesday I woke up to the text, “Morning! Sorry to interrupt your grinding this morning, lol, but I was thinking about something last night.” I happened to leave my Grindr on overnight. I do this periodically to cast out the net to see what I catch by the morning. I hadn’t even checked Grindr yet. “I just got out of the shower. What’s up?” I replied. I didn’t appreciate what he was insinuating, but I let it slide.
I wasn’t expecting what came next. “Our pictures and video together… LOL We’re making sure those are secure, right?” he asked. One night when we were hooking up, N turned on the camera on my computer. I explained to him that the video never saved and there was only one picture. I deleted it. “After I posted and tagged it on Facebook, of course,” I joked.
We were done with that line of conversation, so I decided to check my Grindr messages. I text N back telling him he has a doppelganger on grindr. “Who? Send me the link. I’ll be online in 5.” When I got to work, he was asking me all about his doppelganger. I described him, “He’s near Hoboken. Name is M. He’s 21 so he looks like your little brother.”
Over lunch, I went to the gym. As I was coming back out to the street, I saw a text from N: “Is this M?” He sent me a screengrab of a man’s chest. N is latino. I laughed and responded, “Nope! That looks nothing like you. He’s a white dude. M has a face pic and is 21.”
Then he made another comment referencing myself and Grindr. “Oh, I didn’t know you were that versed in the men on Grindr. Guess you’ve spoken with him before.” This time I wasn’t going to let it slide. Not two days in a row. This isn’t the kind of friendship I was seeking. He wasn’t going to undercut me and I would just sit by and take it. “Don’t be an as$hole!” Apparently he didn’t think he said anything out of line because his response was, “Uggghhmmmmmm, okay. LOL.”
I went off: “Not that I need to explain myself to you, but I’ve never spoken to him. He popped up on my screen last night, and I thought it was funny that he looked like you… that’s all.” And then he made it worse by insinuating I was overreacting. And maybe I was a little bit, but he had to know this was a sensitive time. We were just beginning to navigate a new friendship. “Wow! Sorry I said anything!”
I needed to defend myself. “Your comment had a lot of undertones I don’t appreciate.” He retorted, “My comment was a joke. I’m sarcastic. You know this. Sorry I said anything about it to you.” I wasn’t going to let him act like I was the one out of line. Again, the drama was starting, and I wanted no part of it! “It’s fine,” I responded.
If this was the type of friendship N wanted, then I wasn’t on-board. I didn’t need him in my life if all he was going to do was cause me headaches. I really had a good time hanging out with him when we were dating, but he’d need to learn how to be a real friend if this was going to work. None of my other friends treated me htis way, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him.
Follow @onegayatatimeCrumbling Down
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 9, 2011
I woke the next day early. The night before I got in a blowup with my sister and K over the sleeping arrangements. I was sure there would still be some lingering resentment in the morning, but I was on a drama free weekend. I wasn’t going to let it bother me. I would stick with D and his girlfriend, two of the most drama-free people I know.
We all decided to get breakfast burritos and hit the beach. This may have been a good idea to prevent a hangover after a night of heavy drinking, but probably not a good idea before heading to the beach for the day. I will just leave it at that.
While I laid on the beach, I started getting texts from N. He was heading to the shore that day as well, but would be staying with his roommate, who I partied with the night before, in Manasquan.
I don’t know why I did this to myself, but I was telling him all our plans for the night and encouraging him to meet up with us. I’m a masochist, what can I say?
After the beach, my group went out for dinner. We had a really nice time eating and chatting at Parker House. After dinner, we went downstairs for libations and music. We danced a bit and played a fair amount of shuffleboard. When we found ourselves bored with the crowd, we decided to move on. This is when the group dynamic started to stretch. My sister wanted to stay, but the rest were ready to move along. We had plans to go to Bar A for our friend’s birthday.
Once at Bar A, D and his girlfriend got in a fight, and the camp became seriously divided. The girls went to one end of the bar, and the men were on the other. D was pouting, but my other friend and I were not ready for our night to end in drama. We tried to encourage D to come with us to another bar, but he wasn’t going to leave his girlfriend, even if she wouldn’t talk to him. After many attempts, my other friend and I left for D’Jais.
Part of the reason I wanted to go there was because I had so much fun the night before, but I think a bigger part was because I knew N was there. I had it in my head I would say a friendly hello, but then somewhat ignore him most of the night. I would dance with lots of other people and show him that we could be friends, but I was finally able to move on (after trying to drag him to my bed 2 nights before. STUPID!)
I didn’t want to announce my presence ahead of time. I knew it would be a madhouse, but I would find them eventually. When we arrived, I went to the spot we were the night before with his roommate, and sure enough they were there. I started brushing shoulders with N without him fully noticing me until I made it very obvious I was there.
I got the most excited and biggest hello from him. He grabbed me, gave me a bear hug, and kissed me on the cheek numerous times. I wasn’t expecting nor was I ready for that, but I have to admit it made me very happy.
My friend and I ordered drinks at the bar and hung out with N and his roommate. We were all dancing our asses off once again, and I was having fun. I was constantly turning away from N trying to find other dance partners, but was unsuccessful. I took many opportunities to talk to my other friend and ignore N a bit. I needed to prove to him I was no longer dependent if we were going to have a successful friendship.
After some time, N went to the bathroom. I had to go too, but I didn’t want to go with him. That would look pathetic. So I waited a minute or two before heading back there.
As I walked into the bathroom, N was washing his hands. I slapped him on the back as I made my way to the urinal. He waited for me outside the bathroom to head back to our spot. When I exited the bathroom, he motioned for me to walk ahead of him. As I did, I got a slap on my ass.
After some more dancing, N started to get overtly affectionate. He grabbed me in what I can only explain as a wrestler hold with his arm around the back of my head and our foreheads pressed against each other. This was my first time D.T.S., but I can guarantee you this was not normal behavior for two men in a bar. down there. After more time, he started kissing me on the cheek and neck more. It was never enough to draw the eyes of the entire crowd, but it definitely would raise at least a few eyebrows.
Once again, my head was a mess. WHAT WAS HE DOING!? He was the one who really initiated us moving things to the friend zone. I understood what was happening. I myself fell victim to my own passions two nights before. Either way, my head was in a tailspin once again. I didn’t know what to think.
When we realized we lost both his roommate and my friend, we went outside. He grabbed a slice of pizza, and I sat and kept him company while we tried to reach the rest of our party. He said, “Whether I come with you to the hotel or we go back to Manasquan, I’m not leaving here without [his roommate].” Who said anything about us going home together? Was this an invitation? Was he having second thoughts?
Nope. Just then, his ex-girlfriend appeared and he went over to talk to her. After about two minutes, he came back to collect me and introduce me to her. On the way over, he turned and said, “Remember, just friends. She doesn’t know about me.” The girl wanted nothing to do with meeting me, and the two of them were deep in catching up. I didn’t sit there long. I was also on Grindr because it was obvious N was up to his games again. To him, I was simply there and convenient, but I wasn’t going to fall prey to his ways all over again.
I told him I was going to walk home and said goodbye. On the walk home, I texted him, “F*ck you.” He immediately responded, “Whhhhhhaaaatttt. R u kidding.” I took the opportunity to get something off my chest in my drunken stroll home. “I dunno. Maybe I’m tired of being led on… You say sh*t you don’t mean. Yea… Thanks for that.” He retorted, “What do I say?” I was done with him for the night. It was time to go back to Grindr and see if I could manage to find some entertainment.
I managed to find a guy who was eight miles away and had a sick body. We chatted a bit and exchanged more than a few pictures. Now I was horny and trying anything I could to get him to come meet me. No dice. He was with friends and couldn’t get away, so we talked about the possibility of meeting up the next day.
After the drama of the night and the Grindr texting for the previous 45 minutes, I was tired. I walked back up to my hotel room to find everyone already passed out. I laid a blanket down on the floor, grabbed a pillow and passed out. I was disappointed in myself. I let myself get sucked in again, but for the second night in a row, I wasn’t going to lose one second of sleep over N.
Follow @onegayatatimeA Night Away (Or Not)
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 8, 2011
Time away. Time away from work. From stress. From my relationship problems. Time away from N. I just needed time away to escape it all.
Following work that Friday, I hit the road to the Jersey Shore at 1:30 with one of my best friends, D. We were getting a head start on the mass exodus that happens every weekend in Hoboken. We really lucked out and didn’t hit any traffic. My stomach was very gracious for this because my hangover was just starting to kick in. I woke earlier that morning, and I was still drunk. I walked into work with my sunglasses on and asked everyone to leave me in peace if at all possible. My wish was granted. Now I was stuck in a car and the positive effects of the alcohol were wearing off.
I thought my conversation with N ended for the day when I signed off Gchat. We had a decent chat, but things certainly weren’t casual yet. Exchanges were still slightly awkward, especially since I tried to drag him to my bed the night before.
However, N wasn’t done talking to me apparently. About half way down to Belmar, I received a text from him. “How was your half day? Are you dts yet?” I read it on my phone and grumbled out loud. Even though I was the one who made it awkward the night before, I didn’t even want to think about him. I turned to D, who had just been filled in on the details of the night before, and I told him what the text said. I asked him what I should do. He said, “You’re trying to put distance between you two right? Then ignore it!”
I took his advice, and I was happy about it. I put the phone back in the console and continued to suffer through my hangover in silence. However, the silence was broken ten minutes later when I received a call from a blocked number. I picked it up and of course, no one was on the other side. I wondered if it was N. Was he calling to see if I was ignoring him? I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was getting to me enough for me to ignore him, so I thought it best to respond to the text. “Half day was necessary. I was still drunk at work. We’re still in the car…” After that, I got radio silence.
An hour and a half later, I received another text from N asking about traffic and our time of departure. I simply ignored this one. I was going to let him hijack my weekend. It would just ruin my weekend with my friends if I spent all my time texting with the guy I just “broke up” with. After some more time, N felt the need to inform me his roommate was down the shore as well. At this point, I was very short. I simply responded, “I know. We’ve been texting each other.” I was hoping he’d get the hint that he was not included in the nights festivities and his services were not needed. He either got the hint or found something else to entertain his time.
At this point, D and I had been drinking for a few hours. We were both six beers deep. D was starting to feel drunk, but I felt NOTHING. This was a typical occurrence for me. I have a very high tolerance, but I was hoping to get drunk. I turned to D and said, “I think I may switch teams this weekend.” I knew I wasn’t going to find a guy down at the Jersey Shore — not in Belmar anyway. I figured why not find a pretty girl to flirt with and see where things go. Not like I’ve never been there before. D laughed and I could see the excitement in his eyes. He knew if this was going to happen, he was going to have entertainment for the rest of the night. He had a girlfriend who was on her way to meet us, but at least he could watch me hit on hotties.
There was one particular girl I was watching from afar. I liked her interaction with her friends. She was participating in their festivities, but always kept herself slightly detached and available. We made eye contact once or twice, so I promised myself I would talk to her once I was properly lubricated. I would never get the opportunity, however. The group of them walked outside into a torrential downpour of rain. In the next minute, I found myself very attracted to her. Her solution to the rain was to rip off her dress, crumple it in her hands, and sprint through the rain in her bikini. She gained major cool points right then, but it was too late. She was gone in a flash (or should I say splash).
Over the next few hours, I switched from beer to vodka sodas and got properly wasted. My sister and K arrived, shortly followed by D’s girlfriend. We were all having a blast. We were at D’Jais afterall, so my fist was pumping hard. I danced my ass off, stuffed my face, and went back to the sh*ttiest hotel I’ve ever been to with D and his girlfriend.
On the way back to the hotel I checked my Grindr out of curiosity. No quality bites, as I expected. One bite I wasn’t expecting was from N. I checked what the message said. “Having fun finding ZERO gay men in the Belmar/Manasquan area?” I immediately rolled my eyes. What was he doing!? I tried not to think about it and laid my head down on the pillow and fell asleep. He wasn’t worth losing one minute of sleep over anymore.
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 