Posts Tagged drinking
A Night at the Opera
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on November 9, 2011
After what I deemed somewhat of a failure night, Smile‘s birthday gathering, I wasn’t exactly feeling positive (I’m told by some readers they were depressed after yesterday’s post as well). However, I wasn’t giving up or accepting defeat. I chalked it up to an off nights.
Ayawaska Root
For the rest of the week, I didn’t reach out to him. I wanted to see if he’d reach out to me. Surprisingly enough, Smiles texted Friday afternoon. Maybe my friends were right. Maybe I was right to lay low and let him come to me. I hadn’t sent a message or made a phone call since I left him Wednesday night. He wrote, “How’s your Friday going?” I told him it was going well and inquired about his cleanse. We texted a bit before I jumped on the opportunity to confirm our plans to go to the Metropolitan Opera that Saturday.
I wrote, “Looking forward to seeing you tom night btw! Call me when you get a free minute so we can discuss details before you go comatose on me…”
He immediately called to clarify. We discussed the timing of his Ayawaska ceremony and the timing of the opera.
I remembered from our conversation earlier in the week, tickets were to Barber Saville. I went online and did some research. I’d never been to the opera before, so I didn’t want to look like a schmuck. In doing my research, I realized his timing of the show was off. “Is this Il Barbiere di Siviglia at the Metropolitan Opera? If so, it looks like it’s at 1:00 tom…” I texted him.
I received a troubling response: “What. OMG! EEK! Let me look…” “Houston, we may have a problem!” I responded, “I gathered.”
He eventually called me back to offer a few possible solutions. He didn’t think he was going to be able to make the opera by 1:00 after being up all night, so the first was to give me the tickets, and I take someone else. The next was he gives the tickets to a friend if I don’t want them. I said, “Well obviously my first choice is to go with you. You don’t think you’re going to be able to make it?” He paused a moment, and responded, “Let me make a few phone calls to see how I’m going to be after this. Who knows? Maybe I’ll be wide awake and energized.” He hung up.
After about a half hour, he called back. He talked to someone who’d done it before, and they told him they weren’t sure how he’d feel afterwards, but it was quite possible he would be alert and want to go. They told him not to cancel his plans. So, our new plan was no plan. We were going to play it by ear.
That night around 8:00 I sent him a text saying, “Have fun tonight, and be safe ;).” I got a response at 4:16am. “Home safe. Should be good tomorrow. Home at 4am. Call you about 11.” It was a very happy text message to wake up to. I was thrilled. After thinking we wouldn’t get to go, I once again got excited about the date. No man has ever taken me to the opera before.
At 11:00, he called, and we discussed attire. We thought about grabbing brunch for a hot second until we realized we’d be late if we did. I came into the city, and we hopped on the subway up to Lincoln Center. We first grabbed the tickets, and then, instead of brunch, we settled on coffee at Starbucks.
We made our way back to the opera house and found our seats. We had great orchestra seats, but to get to them, this involved sneaking past a full row of elderly folks. As Smiles was passing one elderly fellow who didn’t stand for him to pass, the man got overly excited about someone passing in front of him and began to make a fuss asking Smiles to wait for him to stand. In the meantime, the elderly man began to have a coughing fit followed by apologizes for the next ten minutes. I was thrilled there was at least one seat between myself and this man. That is, until the show was about to begin, and he wanted a better view and scooted over – still coughing, still apologizing.
He wasn’t even there after a few minutes in my mind. I started to chat with Smiles. He was talking about a work project and the subject of his mother came up. Mid-story about her, he stopped and said, “Well, you’ll see if you ever get to meet her.” I was back on track! The fact that he was even entertaining the idea of me ever meeting his mother thrilled me! I was on cloud nine.
On top of that, he reached out his hand as the show began to hold mine. The birthday party night was well behind me. I now had a clear signal he was indeed interested in me. I could have melted into a puddle right there (it’s the little things for me obviously).
When intermission came, I had no idea everyone leaves the theater. We went outside and grabbed water at a nearby cafe. It was a gorgeous day, so we sat in the sun a minute commenting on all passersby. When it was time, we went back into the theater and watched the remainder of the opera. I was elated. It was a good show. I would definitely go back again, but it’s more of a once a year thing, whereas Broadway is a few times a year thing. But, that wasn’t even what was making me so happy. I had a permanent smile.
Afterwards, we decided to grab early dinner. We crossed the street to hit up a sushi restaurant, only to find it closed. We settled on Cafe Fiorello’s next door. When the waitress approached, Smiles asked her what her name is and began chatting her up. This is something I noticed he does everywhere we go. I find it very attractive. However, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was flirting with her (he did used to date women as well). She was eating it up. Neither was a bad thing. I wasn’t off-put at all.
We shared a nice half bottle of white wine and ordered our food. When the waitress returned to tell me they no longer had any lamb in the restaurant, I ordered my second choice. Smiles cut in and said, “You should inform the maître d’ we are outraged there is no lamb, and he should give us another half bottle of wine.” She replied, “Since you guys are so great, I’ll see what I can do.” After she left, I commented on how I was impressed by his effort.
When she came back to check on us, she said, “He said no to the bottle of wine, but I’m there’s something I can do for you instead.” He again thanked her with his charming smile. I said, “We’ll prob get a free desert or something.” He noted, “Oh, we’ll get something. You’ll learn I don’t give up. This is fun for me.”
Shortly thereafter, she returned with two glasses of champagne for us. I was duly impressed. He was a smooth talker. He really worked his magic. With that, we cheers to actually making it to the opera.
We were our waitress’ last table, so we closed our check so she could cut out. “You guys are my favorite table of the day. I love you guys!” she exclaimed. Although he argued against it, I picked up the tab since he provided the opera tickets. As I forced my card into the waitresses hand and told her to scram before he could get his out, he appreciated the gesture. As we were finishing our champagne, Smiles pulled out his phone and was looking for something. I asked him what he was trying to find. He noted there was a store in the neighborhood he wanted to stop in. I asked which because I was decently familiar with the neighborhood. He wouldn’t tell me. It was a big secret. I love surprises, so I didn’t push the issue.
We began to walk up the street. I had no idea what was coming next or where we were headed since he was being secretive, but I had a feeling I was going to like it. But, that’s another post for another day…
Follow @onegayatatimeBirthday Smiles
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on November 8, 2011
I’m not gonna lie. I was nervous. I don’t get nervous very often, but I wasn’t quite sure the situation I was walking into.
Smiles had his birthday at The Jimmy, a rooftop bar at the James Hotel in lower New York City. As nervous as I was, I set no expectations going in. I didn’t want to concoct all these crazy scenarios in my head, only to not see them play out.
The morning of his birthday party, I put A LOT of thought into what I was going to wear. I care about what I look like on a daily basis, but there was so much more going on here. I was nine years his junior, which meant many of his friends would also be a fair amount older than I am. I wanted to make sure I didn’t look like “who brought the child.” I tried on numerous permutations of clothing until I finally settled on one I felt comfortable with. I even consulted with my female roommate who works in the fashion industry. I wanted to look mature and smart, but I also didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. (I’d like anyone to argue against me that I don’t over-think things too much).
I finished work that day at 5:00. Smiles and I had tentative plans to grab dinner before his party if I got out of work at a decent hour. When that time came, he was unable to keep those plans. He had a lot of things he still needed to do before the party, so he told me we would grab dinner with one or two others following the birthday gathering. I found something to snack on, and when the time came, I leisurely walked downtown to the hotel.
I had never been to there before. When I arrived I had no idea where I was going, which only heightened my anxiety. Finally I reached the rooftop bar and was able to find Smiles standing out on the deck by the pool. I walked up to him and was welcomed by an embrace, no kiss. Still early in our “relationship,” and not fully knowing the situation I was walking into, I didn’t initiate a kiss myself.
After a minute of small talk, I walked to the bar to grab an adult beverage for myself and a soda water for Smiles. I learned the night before he was not going to be able to participate in the libations due to the cleanse he was going through for his Ayawaska ceremony.
When I returned, he had a glass of champagne, which he felt obligated to sip since someone purchased it for him. I held on to his soda water for him until he needed it. He began introducing me to the friends he was speaking to at the time. He simply introduced me by my name, or a few times, “This is my friend,” and then my name. I had no expectations, but I was curious how I would be introduced. Certainly not boyfriend, but maybe as the guy he’s been seeing? No dice.
Early in the night, Smiles introduced me to one of his friends. This guy was younger than the majority of the crowd, and I made him buddy for the night. We hit it off and shared similar senses of humor. I knew Smiles would be preoccupied all night with his guests, so I prepared myself to be more social than I normally am. I didn’t want to be a wallflower or that creepy guy that lurks around and talks to no one. I was happy to have found someone to pal around with for the night.
Then the question I was dreading all night came up. My buddy asked me, “So how do you know [Smiles]?” I simply replied, “Recent friends.” We both smiled big, and he looked at me with a perplexed look. “That’s all I’m going to get?” he asked. I took a second, cocked my head to the side as I thought about it, and simply replied, “Yup.”
I then turned the question on him. Apparently they met on Fire Island and were just casual friends now. I wasn’t sure of the timing of this, but my instincts told me they hooked up at one point. To any normal guy, these things don’t pop in their head, but Smiles and I did meet on Grindr.
As more friends of the younger sect (all probably about five years older than me still) started showing up, my buddy and I began chatting with them. The question came up many more times asking how I knew Smiles. When others answered, there were a few “mutual friends,” but there was also a, “the old school way — Craigslist.” My brain was in motion. In my mind, my stock plummeted right then and there. Obviously he was still close with these guys if they were coming to his birthday party. Was he still seeing any of them. We were by no means exclusive. But, seeing these guys in person made me uncomfortable. However, I soldiered on.
It had been a while since I saw Smiles, so I circled back to him. He was starving. I offered to grab him something to eat just as he was simultaneously asking me to (keeping in mind his special dietary needs on top of the new ones for the cleanse). He pointed out “his” waitress for the night. He handed me his credit card, and I ordered him some tuna tartar tacos. When they arrived, he scarfed them down as to not miss a minute of his party. I was happy I was the one to which he turned to take care of him. He enjoyed them so much, he went back for seconds.
When I returned to my conversation circle, my buddy had departed. I was very disappointed because I wasn’t thrilled with anyone that was left. However, I continued to make small talk for the remainder of the night.
The time came to grab dinner. Smiles gathered a small group of about seven of us. We walked across the street to Cafe Noir and grabbed a table. Smiles sat at the head of the table, and I made sure I snagged the chair to his right.
The whole time at the restaurant, Smiles felt a little distant. I began to read far too much into that. I wondered if he was doing that because someone else would be offended if they saw him being affectionate towards me. Was there another “me” at the table? I was shocked I got an invite to his birthday gathering so early on. Who’s to say there wasn’t someone else in the exact same position?
I had my hand casually under the table and was rubbing his knee periodically. I wanted to see how he’d react. Nothing. I was a little hurt and confused.
I wanted to make a good impression on his friends in front of him. I was able to contribute greatly to the conversation over dinner. I attentively watch the news and stay up on current events, so I was actually the local authority on the topic of conversation. I wanted to prove to him I could hold my own.
When dinner ended, we walked outside in a large group. Many of his friends were going to smoke and invited him to join. He declined (the cleanse) and said he was going home. They also specifically asked me if I would come, but I too declined. I was hoping I was going home with Smiles. We split from the group and walked towards his place.
We weren’t a block away before he said, “Do you mind if I throw you in a cab instead of walking you up to the PATH since I don’t have a jacket and I’m freezing?” Apparently I would not be going home with him that night. I assumed he would invite me back to his place considering it was 1:30am. I even brought a spare shirt to work that morning for the following day should I be spending the night in the city. That wasn’t going to be the case.
At that point, I said goodbye to him on the street and began my trek up to the PATH. I was dreading my commute home since everything runs on a sparse schedule at that hour of the morning.
It also turned into a very long solemn walk because I was very disappointed with how the night played out. I felt so far away from him. A few nights prior, I thought I made so much excellent headway with him when I got an invite, but after the event, I had a very different picture in my head.
I tried not to let it get to me, but I can’t lie. It ate away at me for the rest of the night and into the next few days. I’m sure the fact that I had about six Johnnie Walkers didn’t help. At dinner the night before, he casually mentioned taking me to the opera that Saturday, so it was planned I’d see him again, and soon. But, it was mentioned so flippantly, I wasn’t sure I was officially invited. So many crazy ideas were floating through my head.
I was trying to follow friends’ advice to make myself a little less available to him. I was told I should make him seek me out, instead of the usual me seeking him out.
With that, I attempted to go about the rest of my week without driving myself insane, but that wasn’t going to be easy…
Follow @onegayatatimeSmiles Crosses the Hudson
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on November 2, 2011
After a very successful date with Smiles, I was left wanting more. Of course I was on Cloud 9, but I couldn’t let my crazy flag fly quite yet. I had a great time with him and a connection was obviously there, but I had to check myself. And, I couldn’t put all my eggs in one basket.
Ironically, Smiles showed his hand well before I even had the chance to show mine. Somewhere in the confusion of emails, he replied to an old email I sent him eleven days prior. It was in reference to the first night I met him. I asked him, “How would you feel about meeting up Thurs. happy hourish??” He responded to that email saying, “Done.” He thought I was asking him out again, but in reality, I was asking him out for the first time (the first time we met at Employees Only). I can’t say I wasn’t thrilled with the response. It showed he was as interested in seeing me as I was in seeing him.
Once I realized what happened, I responded to his email, and now that I had his number, I sent him a text: “While I may jump the gun when it comes to emailing you, you’re the complete opposite. You ask yourself out and respond to emails a week old. I asked you to go out for happy hour 2 Thurs. ago, not this coming Thurs. I can’t meet up this Thurs. I have volleyball, but I’d love to meet up Fri. if you’re available.”
He laughed at the situation and told me we’d make plans for Friday after work. When Friday arrived, I texted him and said, “What’s the plan?”
He responded, “I was thinking it might be fun to go to the Standard Beer Garden for a drink and play ping-pong then go up to deem for new or since I haven’t really been to Hoboken, grab the PATH from the village afterward and find dinner somewhere over there. Thoughts? Preferences?”
Obviously autocorrect was hard at work here. I had no idea what “deem for new” was, however, that wasn’t what I was concentrating on. The fact that he offered to come to Hoboken spoke volumes to me. When I started dating guys in the city, I knew I was going to have to be the one to commute in. No guys in the city like to come out to Hoboken. They think it’s this far off land, when really it’s easier than going over to the East Side.
“Beer Garden and ping-pong sound great. Hope you bring your A game 😉 Don’t know what “deem for new” is, but we can hit up Hoboken too…” I responded.
He replied, “Harlem for bbq. I hate this autocorrect. Just give me my keyboard back.”
We met right after work and had a few beers. When the ping-pong tables opened up, we hopped on. I love an active guy. I have a short attention span and love being active, so when I find another guy who’s on the same page, I find it incredibly sexy. After about a half hour of rallying back n’ forth, we finished our beers and chatted a bit. When both our glasses were empty, we discussed where to head next for dinner. Since he offered to go to Hoboken, I capitalized on that opportunity.
As we walked to the Christopher Street PATH station, he pulled me aside and planted a kiss on me. This was starting to become a pattern, and I LOVED IT! I’m not big on PDA, but when you can sneak a kiss when no one is around on the street, I get incredibly turned on. I’m not gonna lie. When I knew we were going back to Hoboken, I had a pretty sure feeling we’d be visiting my apartment at some point in the night.
We took the PATH to Hoboken and joked about the many characters riding the train. This was a new experience for him. That’s what he was looking for, either in Hoboken or Harlem.
When we arrived in Hoboken, I showed him the amazing train station. He is big on photography and architecture, so I knew he’d appreciate it. Afterwards, we took a stroll along the waterfront as I pointed out the spectacular view of New York City. He reached out and grabbed my hand. This was a completely new thing for me. I’d never held a man’s hand in Hoboken. It’s not a homophobic society, but it’s also not a very open one. Regardless, I loved the sign of affection.
We decided to have dinner at Zylo, the steakhouse in the bottom of the W. Neither of us had been there, so we decided to give it a whirl.
While we sat at dinner we chatted. We ordered drinks; of course the same since we share drink tastes, but this time it was dirty martinis with bleu cheese olives. I was nearly floored when he brought up his birthday festivities and invited me. “I’m having my birthday on Wednesday with two of my friends at The Jimmy if you’re available and would like to come.” I told him as long as I didn’t have anything else going on, I would be thrilled. That was a huge step for me. The birthday invite is no small potatoes. It’s a big deal. It means introducing me to friends. I was impressed he felt that comfortable with me already. I wondered if I would get an invite since he first mentioned his birthday. I immediately became more attracted to him and started to let my guard down a bit. I didn’t need to put up such a front about my true feelings.
After dinner, we walked outside. I grabbed him and said, “Okay. So, I’m not going to let you come all the way out to Hoboken without coming to my apartment. You up for that?” He agreed, and we set off in the drizzling rain towards my apartment. Of course, he complained about the distance, but I assured him it would be worth it in the end.
When we got to my place, I showed him around, of course ending in my bedroom. It didn’t take long before animal instincts took over, and we were all over each other.
(Warning: Following paragraph may be too graphic for some) In the midst of passion, with the lights off, he said to me, “I want to f*ck you so bad. Are you okay with that?” I had a decision to make. All summer, I lived by the policy of strictly topping. I found I did not enjoy bottoming and declared that was something I would only do for a guy I truly liked once I was in a relationship. This policy worked quite well for me, but again, I had a decision to make. Without a word, I reach into my nightstand and took out a condom and bottle of lube. The decsion was made. I handed him the condom and warned him he’d have to go slow. It had been a long time for me since my last penetration. As I’ve experienced many times with guys, “condom syndrome” kicked in, and the heat was lost momentarily. However, we quickly recovered and some great sex ensued.
Afterwards, we showered and hopped into bed for the night. After a little cuddling, we both dozed off. In the morning, I woke and went into the kitchen to make us breakfast. Shortly thereafter, he woke and came out to join me. I loved seeing him walking around in my clothes.
I poured him a cup of coffee and went back to the stove to tend to the eggs and homemade pork and apple sausages. He came behind me and gave me a hug and kissed my neck. It was the perfect gesture at the perfect time. I was really falling for him every second I spent with him. This is what I’d been searching so long for. I was happy with where things were going, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t still a little doubt in my mind. We weren’t dating yet. As my friend loves to point out, sex does not equal a relationship. She is right.
After we ate, I walked him back to the PATH. It was Saturday afternoon, and all of Hoboken was out getting ready for the football game. We stopped in front of the PATH station, right across from the prominent football bar, Texas Arizona, and we kissed each other goodbye. Again, this is not part of my comfort zone, but I went with it. I needed to be comfortable with these situations. There is no reason I should be embarrassed or ashamed.
Needless to say, I walked home with a grin on my face from ear-to-ear. I was so elated and blissfully happy. The date could not have gone better. However, there was a little voice in the back of my head telling me to calm down and not get overly excited…
Follow @onegayatatimeSmiles Returns pt. 2
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 20, 2011
My second date with Smiles was off to a great start! We already walked the entire High Line and grabbed sangria. Now we were on our way to an unplanned dinner.
As we walked, he reached down to grab my hand. I’m terrible at making those first moves, so when he did, I nearly melted into a puddle right there on the street. I loved every second of it. It also gave me the validation he was enjoying my company. We stopped to snap a few pictures of interesting things along the way. I was happy to see he was into photography since this was something I was truly interested in as well. We chatted more on the subject as we walked and stroked each other’s hands.
When we arrived at Extra Virgin, I learned why he warned me he was quite the regular. Immediately, the host made a killing fuss over him. He was a tall flamboyantly gay black man who had no qualms about jumping all over Smiles in front of me. I enjoyed the spectacle, especially since Smiles was getting quite embarrassed by the fiasco.
We took our seat at the bar and began to peruse the drink menu. Dark and Stormies have become one of my new favorite drinks, especially in a crisp fall day. The bartender asked Smiles what he wanted to drink, and much to my surprise, he replied, “I’ll have a Dark and Stormy.” Of course, when he turned to me, I replied, “I’ll have the same.” We commented to each other how much we like he drink and how perfect it is for this time of year. It was nice to see more and more commonality as the evening progressed.
As I was looking over the menu, I settled on the chicken with a mushroom sauce. He was looking over his menu and made the recommendation, “The chicken is excellent.” I informed him I already decided on that and was looking forward to it. Once our orders were placed, we could return to our conversation. We found more and more commonality between us, and I was really enjoying the time I was spending with him. What was supposed to simply be coffee and a stroll on the High Line turned into an all day affair.
Shortly after we arrived, a coworker arrived and sat next to Smiles. We didn’t acknowledge each other, and I was okay with that. I wasn’t hiding anything, but I’m still not out at work. It made for some slight awkwardness, but it certainly didn’t taint my evening.
Our meals arrived, and we both enjoyed them thoroughly as the conversation continued. At one point, he stood to use the restroom. As he passed my chair, he put his arms around me from behind and gave me a hug. It was one of the sweetest things any man had done to me in a long time. When he returned, he sat with his hand on my thigh as we chatted. The bartender brought over the desert menu since the host offered it to us on the house. I then took my hand an placed it on his thigh, gently stroking his knee while we chatted. At one point, I removed my hand, and he reached up to the bar and placed my hand back on his leg. I liked his conviction and it sent a clear signal to me he was enjoying his night as much as I was.
Following our meal, we walked down the street. He again reached out and grabbed my hand. While walking down a darker street, he guided me across the sidewalk, pulled me in closer, and he planted a kiss on me. These are the little things that really win me over. I was really falling for this guy, which was very interesting since the first date didn’t go extremely well. We came upon a cellist on the street corner playing for all passersby. He took the hand he as holding and pulled it around his back. We stood and listened for a song while he played. It was very relaxing having him leaning against me with my arm around him. I was truly there in the moment and extremely happy. I’m sure I had a smile from ear to ear.
When we decided to continue on, we walked toward the PATH station. We made one quick pitstop in a sex shop on Christopher Street. We looked in the front window at some of the wares the store sold. I wondered if this was a test to see if I could roll with the punches and have fun. I think he wanted to see how I would react, and I performed superbly. We had so much fun talking about everything in the store. He even took pictures of a few things, and we had a good laugh.
We continued another block before we were at the PATH station. We stood facing each other talking about how much fun we had. We hugged, and I pulled him in for a few kisses. I wanted to ravage him, but it was neither the time or the place. We had a conversation earlier in the night about making people a priority and seeing the people you care about the most. I acknowledged that conversation by turning to him as he walked away and said, “Let’s do this again soon! Make me a priority.”
After the date, I shot him an email the following day. “So I tried not to jump the gun so much this time… Waited ’til I had some downtime this afternoon to hit you up… Better?? Hope the cold calling isn’t too painful! (Acknowledging his workday) Had a great time yesterday! Hope you negotiated good rates with everyone (the cellist, bartender, host, Joan Rivers, …) to play their parts. Would love to see you again, so let me know when you’re free, and we can get together. P.S. Do you think I’m I phone number worthy yet?”
Shortly after, he replied, “LOL! yes, ###.###.####. Glad you appreciate my unplanned dating Karma ;-)” It was great to hear back from him so soon. It showed he was still interested in seeing me. I couldn’t have been happier. It was just a question of when I would get to see him again…
Smiles Returns
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 19, 2011
While returning home from alumni weekend, I sent an email to Smiles to see if we could find time to get together Sunday afternoon: “Hey dude. Let me know if you’re still up for meeting up tomorrow…” I sent it around 11:00 at night, so I didn’t expect a reply until the following day. So, when I got back to Hoboken, I asked around to see who was going out to the bar. No one seemed to be up for anything, so I went home did laundry and watched TV.
I woke the next morning to a return email from him saying, “Hey bud, yeah we can work something out. What did you have in mind?” I replied back, “Your call… Grab bite, drink, coffee, walk High Line…” Apparently, he was already out and about that morning, and he responded, “Just finishing brunch. Let’s grab cords and walk up highland. What time works?”
I was a little confused, but I was used to deciphering autocorrect text messages. “I’m assuming that cords means coffee and highland means highline… haha I can meet you in about an hour? That work?” I responded. He replied, “Ah yes autocorrect. Let’s meet at 4:30 at Doma in west village its 7th and Perry I think.”
I was very excited but still very relaxed. I was thrilled he was still willing to see me again after the less that stellar first date, but I’ve also done a very good job of not getting my hopes up about these dates anymore. I’ve had enough bad ones to know the drill now. Yes, I’ve become jaded.
I arrived at the coffee shop and waited for him outside. When he arrived, we exchanged hugs and went inside to grab coffees. He paid for mine, which I thought was very sweet of him. He suggested we take a walk through the West Village on our way to hop up on the High Line park. As we walked, he told me about the crazy time he had the previous night at the bars and how he was a little less than 100%. He put his arm around me and explained he was afraid to postpone on me since I was so broken-hearted when he didn’t respond within the first twelve hours after our first date (in a playful way). I was a little embarrassed by my lack of patience and told him he could have postponed on me, and I completely would have understood. We had a good laugh about it.
We walked and came upon a band playing in a courtyard. We stopped to listen before continuing on to the High Line. We climbed the stairs to the elevated park and began to stroll along like everyone else. This was the third date I took up there. I could tell Smiles was really enjoying it. He is very interested in architecture and design, as am I, so we had extensive conversations about all the surrounding buildings. I found it utterly romantic when he would turn my attention to a specific building by putting his hand on my shoulder to talk about a specific element. We talked the entire span from 14th street to 34th street. We even passed Joan Rivers and her small entourage while walking. When we reached the top, we walked back down to street level.
As we walked back downtown, we talked more. I learned he attended three different Burning Mans in the past. Just that Friday, I watched a movie shot by a bunch of guys who attended this years. It looked spectacular, and I was highly interested in attending. He gave me some of the insider tips, and the conversation shifted to the traveling we’ve done.
As we were walking through the West Village again, he noted he’d love to grab a beer and asked if I was interested. We stepped into a nice spot that had an outdoor space in the back, Entwine. We both ordered sangria. When I mentioned I wanted to order hummus and pitas, he noted he had to cut gluten out of his diet. I was rather famished, and I think he realized this.
He originally planned to meet his ex for dinner that night, but hadn’t heard from him in some time. Since this was the case, he asked if I would be interested in grabbing dinner with him. Of course I obliged. He mentioned two spots he could think of. I agreed Extra Virgin sounded great. He warned me he was quite the regular at that spot, but I wasn’t quite sure why that warranted a warning.
I paid the tab for the sangrias, and we started to walk to Extra Virgin. The night was shaping up to be quite a date, but it was only just beginning…
Follow @onegayatatimeA Smile That Makes Me Melt
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 14, 2011
After meeting Sexy Eyes for coffee, I continued on to my planned date that evening. I picked up a guy on Grindr one morning taking the car service to work. It was complete chance this happened. Normally, my driver takes the Lincoln Tunnel, but because of traffic, he took the Holland. I was particularly bored that morning, so I pulled up Grindr to see what would pop up. Once I was in New York City, I noticed a guy who had a great smile. I messaged him my standard, “Hey stud,” but I also added “Great smile!”
We began chatting a bit after that and he quickly found a spot amongst my favorites. Over the course of a week, we would chat in the evenings. Many times he’d be walking home from being out somewhere and pull up Grindr to pass the time.
He seemed like a very level-headed guy and I enjoyed our chats. We had a few things in common, but our conversations were never very in-depth. In my typical fashion, I asked him to go out for a drink sometime. He graciously obliged. When I asked him for his phone number, instead I got his email. He wasn’t comfortable giving me his number before we met. I assured him I wouldn’t stalk him, and he could trust me. But, I wasn’t going to pressure him into giving it to me.
On a Saturday evening, I sent him an email: “Not to be too forward, but would you have any interest in coffee or brunch tomorrow? Like meeting new people… Pretty chill… No expectations. You just seem, like a cool down to earth guy…” He replied back, “Normally I would say yes, but I actually have a full day tomorrow starting at 10 until late night. Sometime during the week would be better, this is an unusually packed Sunday. ” The response was promising, so I would just have to be patient.
We managed to figure out a time to meet the following Thursday. He picked a bar in the West Village and we agreed to meet at 8:00.
I was running a few minutes late for the date, so I sent him an email telling him I would arrive about five minutes late. I got to the bar at 8:05 and sent another email letting him know I was standing outside with an umbrella and a blue shirt. After twenty minutes and no word from him, my patience was waning. I began to wonder if I was stood up. I texted the guy who cancelled my OKCupid friend date earlier that evening to see if his interview was over and to see if he wanted to hang out since I was still in the city. I was about a minute from walking the block to the PATH to head home. I also had the prospect of meeting Sexy Eyes again that evening in the back of my head.
Just then, a man with an amazing smile emerged from the bar to greet me. I had no idea he was inside this whole time. He apologized for the confusion and told me he could explain. While he was standing at the bar, a man approached him and began chatting with him. All “Smiles” could think of was how much this guy didn’t look like his Grindr pictures (thinking he was talking to me). The guy happened to be there on a match.com date and confused Smiles for his date. After chatting for about ten – fifteen minutes, they realized they were talking to the wrong guy. Smiles hadn’t wanted to be rude while they were talking, so he wasn’t checking his phone. At this point he saw my emails, and he came outside to retrieve me.
I grabbed a drink, and we stood in the corner chatting a bit. The conversation started off VERY rocky. I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “So how was work today?” He replied, “That’s what’s going to break the conversation. Haha. Work was good,” jokingly. The conversation was much easier after that. I learned he was against Grindr in the beginning. His friend encouraged him to download it and use it. His response was, “If I want to take a guy home for a hookup, I can just go to the bar and get one. That way I can see him and feel him up (as he reached out his hand to feel up my chest) before I take him home. Why would I need a digital version of that? That’s not what I’m looking for.” I couldn’t agree more with his sentiments. He told me after begrudgingly downloading the app, he actually had gone on a few dates from Grindr. None were spectacular, but they were adequate enough to keep him on it.
While we were talking, he warned me he had to leave at 9:00 because he had dinner plans with a friend. I wasn’t sure if this was the real deal or if he was using it as an out because he thought the date was going so poorly. “I originally thought an hour would be enough time for us to meet for the first time,” he said. I barely had a chance to meet him, let alone get to know him in the half hour we spent together. I was very disappointed. He was very cute, smart, established, successful, funny, active… Everything I look for in a man. I wanted more.
After we awkwardly closed our tabs, we walked outside. The date ended with an awkward hug, and I said we should definitely try to meet up again sometime soon. He seemed a bit nonplused, but he certainly didn’t shoot me down. I left the date wondering if I made a bad first impression and if there was anything I could do to repair that.
Later that evening around 11:00, I sent him an email stating: “Let me start off by saying your smile pays off even more in person! But anyway… Great meeting you tonight. Hope we can meet up again some time soon…” And in a follow-up email, I sent, “And my number’s ###. Use it.” He seemed to be very good about checking his email, but I wanted his phone number. It offered the option to call. I would get it if he chose to text or call me.
The next afternoon, I heard nothing from Smiles. I wasn’t angry. I was disappointed. I thought I’d give it that one last stitch effort. I sent an email saying, “Or I take it you’re not interested…”
That’s when I finally got a response. “Easy big guy. Good morning. Haven’t had a chance to get into email yet today. Enjoyed meeting you last night, maybe Sunday we can catch up again for a little longer?”
I felt like a fool. I immediately replied, “Sh*t! I knew I jumped the gun! haha Sorry bout that. I should be around Sunday. Hit me up and we’ll figure something out…”
I was elated. Apparently I didn’t make that bad of a first impression after all. He was interested, and now I had something to look forward to. Who knew what Sunday would bring?…
Follow @onegayatatimeNew Friends
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 11, 2011
While walking back to the PATH from a date with one of the rudest guys I’ve ever encountered, I texted another guy I had been chatting with on Grindr over the past week. He seemed like a great guy, so I thought I’d see if he was available to grab a drink since I was in the city, and it was still early. After not being able to reach him, I began texting and calling other friends to see if they were interested in going out to the bar in Hoboken. I reached one of my friends who was out on a date with her boyfriend in the city. She was headed to the PATH train herself, so we agreed to hit up the bar when we arrived back in Hoboken.
Just as I was about to hop on the PATH, I got a phone call from the sexy man I had been talking to on Grindr. He was available and inviting me to come cuddle, but I told him we’d pick another night. I already made plans.
I met my friend and her boyfriend outside the PATH on the other side of the Hudson River, and the three of us walked to 1Republik. My usual bartender was working, so I said hello and ordered us drinks. I had a Johnnie Walker, and she looked at me with a confused look. She said, “Since when?” I told her I often drink it, but definitely needed it tonight after my failed date (that’s the understatement of the year). I recounted my date to my friend and her boyfriend. She was shocked and couldn’t believe I went on the date at all.
In the meantime, another friend arrived, just about the time the happy couple was ready to head to bed. I told her of my date from hell as well, as she looked at me with wide eyes and asked how I didn’t throw my drink on him and stiff him with the bill.
I felt the need to circle back to the guy who chatted with me earlier. He helped pass the time while I waited for the a$shole with whom I was supposed to be on a date. I told him I was back in Hoboken, and he should come grab a beer at 1Republik. It was already understood, at least on my end, this was not a romantic interest. We had spoken before on Grindr and exchanged pictures. He was almost half my height, so nothing of a dating relationship would ensue. However, I was alway looking to make new friends, especially gay ones, since I was very lacking in that department.
He and his friend arrived at the bar to find the line about twenty-five people deep. They weren’t interested in waiting in line and rightfully so. I told him we would come out and hit up a different bar.
When we got outside, I was met by the odd couple. There was this tiny rough, tough guy standing next to this well built tall blondie who was a big ball of fluff. They made for an interesting match. We introduced ourselves to each other and walked to a quiet bar to sit and chat.
At the bar, Court Street, I came to learn the blonde has a boyfriend in the city of about four months. We talked about their dynamic and Blondie made a comment about how he gets emotional at times, showing his feminine side. I barked at him to stop speaking that way. It is what perpetuates the stereotypes. Showing your emotions is not a feminine thing. If anything, its even more masculine when a real man is confident enough show his emotions. There’s nothing feminine about it. He saw my point, but I don’t think he fully agreed. This guy wasn’t extremely effeminate, but after a conversation with him, you could certainly tell he was gay.
The other guy had been a little quieter, and has been single for some time. He is very masculine and loves football and baseball. From the look of him and a full conversation, you’d never know he was gay. I always find these encounters interesting. I find that quality very attractive. I look for it in all the men I date. However, there was no attraction to this man.
We had a great conversation and my female friend asked a lot of questions. I always love having those types of conversations and educating heterosexuals about the other side of the spectrum. Then the time came for last call. We finished our beers and made our way to the door.
The little guy and I were heading in the same direction, while the other two went the opposite direction.
I chatted with the little guy as we walked towards my apartment. I had a few suspicions he may have been attracted to me and hoping for something at the end of the walk, but I was much more interested in making new friends.
In the end, we shook hands and parted ways. He suggested we get together again soon for beers, and I agreed. Writing this has just reminded me, we’re due for a beer, and I need to drop him a line…
Follow @onegayatatimeRude Can’t Begin to Describe
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 10, 2011
When I joined OKCupid, I had high hopes for the site. My ex, Broadway, told me to check it out. I had never heard of it before, but I was certainly willing to give it a shot.
When I joined, I made a profile and began poking around. I was very disappointed with the talent on the site. I found it very hard to find someone I wanted to send a message. I decided to take a passive role. As people viewed my profile and sent me messages, I sorted through the interested men to see if there was mutual interest on my end.
One guy started messaging and seemed to be compatible with me. He wasn’t the best looking guy, but he certainly had something different going for him. I decided to give him a shot. We started chatting on OKCupid, and quickly moved the conversation to the phone. He texted periodically, but mostly, he called at night before going to bed. We sparred playfully quite a bit. Our exchanges were fun, but periodically, he would push the envelope too far, and I would simply shoot him down.
As time passed, I wondered why he continued to call. I learned he wrote a Broadway show to be released in the spring and was contacting some very big names to be the female lead. He was in line for a lot of success, but at the time, he was working out of his apartment and living a below average lifestyle. We talked a little about me and what I do, but we didn’t get much into hobbies and what we do for fun. He was being elusive on those details.
I enjoyed the phone calls and the attention, but every time I hung up the phone, I would say to myself, “Why is he still calling me?” There were a few things we had in common, but I didn’t feel I was really what he was looking for. It seemed he was looking for a guy who would roll over at the snap of his fingers. I certainly wasn’t filling that position. I was actually beginning to look at him as great practice to be more confident and demand more from a man who was interested in me. When the conversation switched to sex, we discovered we were both tops. Even with that knowledge, he took every opportunity to ask me for a picture of my a$shole. I adamantly declined to fulfill that request. I made myself perfectly clear that was not something he would be receiving from me.
When he didn’t drop the request in every phone conversation following, I got quite heated. I told him if that was all he was interested in, he was barking up the wrong tree. I wasn’t on OKCupid to find a guy to have sex with. I was looking for more substance. If that was all the substance he had, he needed to move on. I think he finally got it. But, I also think he thought he was just being playful, and I was overreacting.
It was also getting to the point where I needed to meet this guy. We talked for over a week, and I wasn’t going to invest any more time if he wasn’t worth it. He was already on the fence in my mind — 50/50. But, I was willing to give him a chance, even though the odds were not in his favor.
We planned to go out on Saturday for drinks and a bite to eat to celebrate the casting of his lead female. Over text and phone conversations Saturday morning, I told him I would head into the city and meet him at 6:30. When he responded at 5:15 requesting we do 6:00, I sprang into action to get ready. On the walk to the PATH, I texted and called constantly. He wasn’t responding. I wasn’t about to get on the PATH until I knew where I was going and where I should get off.
I stopped at Starbucks and ordered a latte. Luckily, I grabbed my coat before I left my apartment, because I would be sitting on a park bench outside the PATH station for the next 45 minutes. I continued to call, until finally, he picked up the phone. He shouted, “Geez! I’ll call you back! Give it a rest!”
I was so insulted. No man was going to speak to me that way and get away with it. I was already passing the time by talking to guys on Grindr, and one even went on to invite me out for a beer. I should have abandoned my original plans at that point and had the beer. The fact that he continuously pursued me boosted my ego so much it became the only thing keeping me to those plans. Sad, I know.
Instead of grabbing the beer with the guy on Grindr, I went to The Melting Pot, where my friend is a bartender. I figured I’d grab a glass of wine and give this as$hole a few minutes to get back to me about our plans for that evening. I was going to give him a second chance, but I wasn’t going to let him get away with talking to me like that.
When he finally called, he didn’t acknowledge the time passed since we planned to meet. He also didn’t acknowledge barking at me over the phone. I was very short with him and called him on it. He didn’t apologize. His response: “Well, you can either come buy me a glass of sangria to celebrate my casting, or you can go home and cry about it.” I was flabbergasted! He had some nerve! Now, I was going on this date out of spite. I was going to be spectacular and then shoot him down.
When I arrived, he stood to greet me with a hug. He commented on how attractive I am — better than my pictures — and how he would have put more effort in if he only knew. He was laying it on thick. I could tell he was very attracted to me. I thrived on it. With every word, he gave me more power. He was actually less attractive than his pictures. I wasn’t interested in the slightest, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t use the date as target practice. I shot him down at every attempt. He made a few lewd comments, and I made my disgust apparent. When he made a cavalier comment about hitting the restrooms as a joke, I went off on him. I asked if that sort of thing normally worked for him. I pointed out how much of a negative effect it had on me. This guy was truly a creep. Ironically, I was having so much fun shooting down a guy who was pursuing me, when I should have been looking forward to the date’s end.
I found out he was late for the date because he was arguing with someone on the phone. He claimed he barked at me not knowing who it was and apologized. If he wasn’t rude enough, he spent 70% of the date texting on the phone. The argument wasn’t over. He didn’t even have the decency to give me his undivided attention.
When the date ended, we began to walk towards his apartment and the PATH train. When we reached a crossroad, he pulled me in for a close hug. Luckily, I didn’t have to kiss him, as he was recovering from a cold. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t trying to pull me closer than is comfortable. He started to make a comment about my being arouse, but I pointed out to him how much that wasn’t the case. I was blunt. “I could not be less aroused right now.” And, after a little more conversation, we parted ways.
I was shocked when he followed up with a text stating his desire to meet again. I responded, “That most likely will not be happening. We have very different priorities, and you were exceptionally rude.” He questioned how he was rude, and I decided it wasn’t even worth my time to recount the scenarios. He truly was an as$hole.
The best part of this was that I walked away unscathed. I actually had fun being blunt yet dignified. I wanted him to want me so badly, so when I shot him down, he’d realize what he was missing. I think I was successful considering the texts continued for some time…
Follow @onegayatatimeMiami Vice
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 7, 2011
Roughly one block away from my date with Dr. Nice, I began texting another guy I had on standby for a date that evening. I wanted to see if I could use my time wisely and see two guys on my free Friday evening. It would help cut down the roster if they weren’t quality guys. The story I told him was that I was out to dinner with clients, and I would get in touch with him as the dinner was ending.
We found each other a few days earlier, and we agreed to meet in Hell’s Kitchen, but never picked a specific location. As I walked south on 9th Avenue after my first date, I found out he wasn’t far. I told him to head north on 9th Avenue, and we would meet in the middle. We could pick somewhere in the neighborhood to grab a drink.
As I was walking, I realized how bad that idea was. We never met before, and there was a good chance we would walk right past each other. I picked a bar, Nizza, and told him to meet me in front of it.
He walked up with a smile from ear to ear. He was somewhat attractive, and when he opened his mouth, his Latino background was screaming at me. I have nothing against it, but I also don’t have much in common with the typical culture.
We grabbed a seat at the bar and ordered a few cocktails. I ordered a Dark and Stormy Float. It was a very interesting drink with the twist of Rum Raisin ice cream. I love Dark and Stormys, but I wasn’t thrilled with this concoction. My date insisted I order something else, but I insisted I would finish it. He enjoyed his drink while we talked about what brought him from Miami to New York. He was working as a producer on a Hispanic television news show, and was looking for a change. He wanted to move to New York and was afforded a job transfer.
It was interesting to learn he was in the city only four months, so he hadn’t yet experienced the changing of the seasons. He wasn’t quite used to the phrase “the end of summer.” As we talked, the conversation began to take shape as me giving him advice on how to adapt to New York City and less about us and any future we may have.
He told me all about being brought up in Miami and how he is going to miss being so close to his family. However, he was thinking about his career and needed to move up in this world. Surprisingly, he was living in New Jersey as well. I knew this bit of information earlier and asked him to meet on the other side of the river, but he explained where he lived and how it would be difficult to meet over there since he had no car.
The date was very pleasant, just as my date earlier that evening, but I wasn’t feeling a spark. When this date ended, I would not have a burning desire to see him again.
We closed our tab, and I agreed to walk him to Port Authority. I was heading there myself to go back to Hoboken for the night. Before he hopped on one of the shuttles, we exchanged hugs. He suggested we find the time to meet up again. I told him we would be in touch and manage to figure something out in the near future.
Of course, he was yet another man who would fall by the wayside due to lack of interest on my part. He was a nice enough guy, but there was nothing there to really draw me in.
It seemed I was back to my old ways of serial unsuccessful dating. I needed my luck to change, or my self-esteem was really going to land in the crapper…
Follow @onegayatatimeDr. Nice
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 6, 2011
Since ending my slew of hookups, I decided to put full effort behind building up a new roster of guys. This time it would be for meaningful dates, not meaningless sex.
Over the course of a month or so, I corresponded with a guy on adam4adam.com. He seemed like a really nice guy — Almost too nice. But, what the hell? I hadn’t done the nice guy thing yet, so why not give it a shot?
He wasn’t the most attractive guy on the site, but he certainly wasn’t unattractive. I also like him because he seemed eager to meet me. I hit him up and asked if he had time to meet.
We agreed to meet up for drinks and maybe a bite on Friday after work. This was my first non-half-day Friday in two months, so it wasn’t a hassle to schedule something that evening. I wouldn’t need to commute back into the city for the date. He lived on the Upper West Side, so we agreed on a spot at the northern end of Hell’s Kitchen.
I arrived at the bar before him and waited for him to arrive. When he did, we decided the bar was a little packed to be able to hold a conversation. We crossed the street and sat outside a Mexican bar/restaurant.
We ordered chips and guacamole and beers and chatted a bit. I asked him to remind me what he did again. I went into the date very blind. I should have at least looked back over his messages on a4a, but I had a hard enough time scheduling the date in the first place. Maybe I wasn’t putting a full effort into finding a guy this time around after all.
He explained he was working his way towards becoming an anesthesiologist. I was very impressed, but a big red flag popped up in the back of my head. I have never been thrilled with the idea of dating a doctor because they don’t keep regular hours, which makes it difficult to spend time together or plan getaways. I began to ask about his schedule and what he does with his time off.
I was very surprised to hear how much free time he has. He talked about hiking trips not only in upstate New York, but also in other countries. He explained he had mainly regular hours with the occasional outlier.
The conversation started getting more relaxed, and we were really finding common ground. I kinda thought about this guy as a wildcard, but he was really surprising me. There was still something holding me back. I was realizing that I wasn’t truly an equal opportunity dater. I was actually quite shallow. I saw this guy in front of me with a lot of things in common with myself, but I just wasn’t physically attracted to him. He was kinda cute in his own way, but it just wasn’t doing it for me. He was a lot shorter than me as well.
As we chatted, I thought in the back of my head how great he would be as a friend, but that’s a tough transition when you’ve asked someone out on a date. How do you tell them you just want to be their friend? That says, “You’re fun to hang out with, and we can do a lot of things together. But, I just don’t want to sleep with you because I don’t find you attractive.” Not the nicest impression to make on someone.
When we finished our beers and the temperature dropped below a comfortable level to remain sitting outside in short-sleeved shirts, we parted ways. It didn’t end with a hug or a kiss. We simply just said goodbye and went our separate ways. I felt a little guilty, and I wasn’t ready to cut him from the roster, so I sent a followup text: “Very nice meeting you tonight.” He responded with the same sentiments and suggested we find time to meet up again. I agreed. In the end we never communicated again. What is meant to be will be, and what isn’t, won’t.
After saying goodbye to him, I went on with the rest of my night — Another date I was meeting down the street…
Follow @onegayatatimeAt the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 