Posts Tagged couch
Prince Charming
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 13, 2011
Saturday morning, I woke up without an alarm and laid in my bed. I picked up my tablet and began checking my emails, Twitter, Facebook, and finally, my adam4adam.com profile. I received numerous messages, as usual, but mainly from old men and thugs. However, there was a message from one guy in particular. He started off by telling me I had a great body, which is always a plus in my book.
His messages had a certain sass about them. I really liked it. I can really appreciate a man who knows how to verbally spar. There was also some heavy flirting going on. He said, “Can you drop that towel?” I replied, “Haha. Do you know how many people have said that to me?” To which he responded, “Yeah, but do they also ask you to turn around and pick it right back up? I wanna see it all! đ “He pointed out we chatted before on Grindr. The conversation never went anywhere, but there was nothing that showed it to be a failure. We chatted earlier in the month about where we lived and where we went to the gym.
In one of my pictures on a4a, I am seated on my motorcycle. He was very turned on by this and told me he wanted to go for a ride sometime. Through the course of the conversation, I also learned he taught flight lessons at a nearby airport. I made a deal with him that he could ride on the back of my motorcycle if I got a ride in his airplane. I told him I would drive him to the hanger at the airport, and we could reenact some scenes from Top Gun.
He did one better than that. He offered to fly me to mid-state New York for lunch, with the possibility of handing over the controls. Learning to fly has always been on my lifeâs to-do list. I was thrilled! I assured him I wasnât just attracted to him for his flying abilities. He suggested we go out for a drink sometime and suggested a biergarten in Jersey City. He told me to check it out online and let him know if it was my speed. When I told him Iâd been many times, he was elated because many of his friends felt it was âtoo straight.â I explained to him how âstraightâ I was, and assured him the biergarten was not a problem. He added, “Even if no attraction you are someone I think I can hang out with ;)”
After chatting more, I realized I really liked this guy. He had great energy, and he was a complete gentleman. I was excited to meet him, so, although it was raining, I suggested we grab a drink that day. He had a lot he needed to do, but agreed to meet up later. He conveyed to me on a miserable day such as we were having, he would stay home and cook dinner. He offered to cook me dinner at his apartment, but suggested we grab the drink first to make sure weâre comfortable with each other. I happily agreed.
Later that evening, he picked me up in his car to go to the bar. We werenât even a block before he turned to me and asked, âSo do you feel comfortable with me?â I loved his honesty and candor. It was just my speed.
We arrived at one of my local bars, OâNiealâs, and each ordered a beer. Over small talk, we both gulped our beers. It was obvious we were attracted to each other, and I thought he was a great guy. He was definitely worthy of making me dinner; especially after learning he also went to culinary school. Over beers, I also learned he is a flight attendant, but is only a few short months away from becoming a pilot for a major airline. I liked his sense of initiative and goals. It was a turn-on.
I paid the tab, and we drove to the liquor store to get beer and wine. On the way, he turned to me and said, âJust to be up-front and honest, I want to tell you I live with my ex-partner. Is that an issue for you?â I told him it wasnât. If there was something going on there, I doubt he would have brought it up. Once again, his honesty and candor were rather refreshing. At the liquor store, he wouldnât allow me to purchase anything. âYou bought everything for dinner. The least you can do is let me buy the booze!â I insisted. He refused
When we arrived at his apartment, first, I was shocked by how close in proximity we were to my apartment, and second, his apartment was gorgeous. He slipped into something more comfortable and quickly gave me a tour while we talked about his job and his roommates.
We made our way to the kitchen to start on dinner. I love to cook, so I asked if there was anything I could do to help. He told me, âJust sit there and keep me company. Iâm really enjoying having you here.â He told me the menu, and I was duly impressed. Fillet mignon, lobster tails, spinach and bacon, grilled onions and caesar salad with dressing made from scratch. I was really enjoying watching someone else who enjoyed themselves so thoroughly in the kitchen. I was happy we both shared a passion for food and cooking. I could watch him cook for hours. I was becoming more and more attracted to him by the second.
The conversation while he cooked was very special as well. I learned a few things about his previous relationship with his roommate and his feelings on monogamy. As I got to know him, I realized there are good gay men out there. He gave me hope. Just when I thought he couldnât get any better, he walked towards me with a beckoning finger so he could give me a kiss. It was, to say the least, magical. He was a great kisser and the gesture was perfect. I was swooning. Already, this was the best date Iâve ever been on, and we werenât even half way through it.
After going out to the grill to flip the steaks, he came back in and sat on my lap. We made out a little bit, and I truly learned how good and passionate a kisser he was. I didnât want to stop.
When he finished making the meal, we took our plates and made our way into the living room to eat. Everything was DELICIOUS, including him. I couldnât thank him enough. No man ever treated me this way before. It made me realize the potential of a real relationship with a man.
When we finished eating, we moved on to desert. We started making out on the couch and really began to enjoy ourselves. When we were down to our underwear, we took a quick break for him to ask me which position I was. When we discovered our compatibility, we made our way down the hall to his bedroom. He stripped off his briefs as we walked, so I followed suit. He was super sexy, and I was excited to be heading to his bed. I was really into this guy on so many levels.
That night, we had great sex! I was impressed with myself by how easily I made him climax. The chemistry was there both in the bedroom and out. I was head-over-heels for this guy with each passing minute. When we had our fill, we set an alarm for me and fell asleep spooning.
The next morning, when we woke, I was feeling particularly horny and frisky. I wanted to go for a second round, but I donât think he was on the same page. After a short make-out session, he offered to make coffee and breakfast. He had already done enough. There was no way in hell I was allowing him to make me breakfast, but I would take a cup of coffee. After we cuddled on the couch a bit and he showed me some videos from his flight classes, he drove me home so I could get ready for work. Of course, I went to work late that day, and it was worth every second.
That day at work, we texted a bit. When the time came, I said goodbye and told him to be safe on his flight that evening. I couldnât wait for his return and the possibility of seeing him again. I wasnât completely sure where his head was, but it seemed like he was equally excited as I was at the prospect of a second date. This was just what I needed to help me forget about Pillow. Even if I never saw him again, I learned that the type of guy I am looking for really does exist out there. I was just hoping there were more like him our there. Either that, or I really hoped I finally wrangled my unicorn!
Follow @onegayatatimeThe Ex’s
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 23, 2011
Still reeling from the high of a hot successful lunch date, I was pleasantly surprised that evening by the return of my belongings from N. Before he came by, I made sure I looked great. I threw on a tight tank and some gym shorts. I had been going to the gym and beach a lot and wanted to show him how good I looked. Little messed up? Ehhhhh probably… Don’t judge. We’ve all been there.
After letting him in the door, I returned to sitting on the couch. He came and sat to chat a bit. We discussed how things were going and made small talk. It was nice. We were being pleasant. I was shocked too. Not once did something catty come out of his mouth. It appeared both of us finally moved on. This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. He couldn’t stay long. He handed me my clothing to check if he got it all. It appeared he did. I put the clothes down and he came in for a hug. It was nice. I liked hugging him. Not in a romantic way, but in a friendly way. I cared about him. I feel people are too afraid to hug these days. He even turned his head and gave me a peck on the cheek. It was very nice.
He wouldn’t be the only ex I would see that night. I had plans to see the second half of the final Harry Potter installment with Broadway. We watched the first half together right before we broke up, so I thought it would be nice if we finished the series together. He agreed.
True to my own style, I was exceptionally late. He asked me to get to the theater early to hold seats for us. It was a late showing, but it was also a new movie. The theater would be crowded. As I was running to the theater, I was texting him to calm his nerves. If we didn’t have great seats, he would wait to see it another time. This was important to him. It also bothered him because this was something I did all the time when we were dating. I have a hard time being on time for things, “but at least I’m consistent,” I joked.
I got into the theater and found us seats. He arrived shortly into the previews, and we sat back for the movie.
Earlier that day, he invited me to crash at his apartment after the movie since it ended at 1:00 in the morning. I graciously accepted since I knew how easy the commute from his apartment was. I also knew he was dating someone, so there wouldn’t be any temptation for funny business from either of us. I had no desire to revisit that past, but the thought crossed my mind wondering if he would.
On the walk home, we talked about our dating lives. I told him about all my failed dates, including the self-centered dermatologist. He updated me on his drama and the recent end of his relationship with the guy he was seeing. We were both in the same boat. It was interesting too, considering months earlier he said I wasn’t a priority in his life. I wasn’t mad about that. I was happy to see him moving on and trying to find a man. I just found it interesting.
Since the last time I spent the night in his apartment, they had done some major remodeling. It was nice to finally get to see all the hard work he put in to the place. I was happy for him. When we were both too tired to keep our eyes open any longer from talking, he set me up in his empty roommate’s bed and went to sleep.
I was just happy we could be good friends and share a movie together. We talked about going out to the bar together. Now that we spoke about seeing other men, he would be able to see me hitting on a guy at the bar. We were in a good place. It gave me hopes for N and I. I was finally making great progress with the two men who used to rule my world…
Follow @onegayatatimeBlackout Regret & Poor Life Choices
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 5, 2011
On Thursday, I talked to N on GChat during work hours. It was simple banter. At the same time, I was confiding in NC. We talked about the conversation we had, and he consoled me. He told me, “You’re a good looking guy, good job, etc. Don’t set yourself up to get hurt.” I said, “Thanks! I really needed that!” “It’s true,” he said. “It’s true. I woulda hooked up with you. Not that it means much.”
I had a feeling this was true. I could feel the sexual tension when he stayed the night in my roommates bed. I responded, “And yet, you didn’t. Haha.” “Had I had a few more drinks and wasn’t planning on moving in with you, I woulda suggested cuddling that night,” he replied. This was welcome information considering I felt the same way that night, so I let him know: “And had you not been planning to move in, I totally would have.” I further thanked him and explained, “I know I’m hot and I’m a catch, but for someone to do this to me, sapped a bit of my confidence…”
By the end of the day, N informed me he was going to a work function following work. Thursday was a typical night for me to meet up with friends at my favorite bar, but I wasnât particularly in the mood to go out with them.
Instead, when I got home, I texted my new gay gym buddy and asked if he was going to be at the gym. He was, so I told him Iâd meet him there. Over the past few weeks, I saw him periodically, and we chatted. I would keep him in the loop on my failing relationship, and he would chat with me about his issues. Together, we were providing a little bit of therapy for each other.
I got there and had a chat between lifting. I could tell he was starting to get better, but I certainly was headed downhill since he first met me. I didnât want to drag him back down with me, so I only told him some of the highlights.
When I was nearly finished lifting, N texted me, âHey. You wanna go out tonight?â Of course my heart lept a little. I was happy he wanted to spend time with me. Maybe this friendship thing wouldnât be so hard. Maybe we could shift right into friendship mode with no speed bumps. I played it coy, however. I asked him what time and where. Then, I informed him I was still at the gym and had to go home, shower, eat, and then I would be ready. Since he was still at his work function, the timing would work out perfectly.
As I left the gym, I wondered if this was a group thing or just the two of us. We still had a few things we needed to chat about, and I wasnât sure if tonight was going to be the time for that conversation. I had said to him, âMaybe sometime we can get drunk and put it all out there and have a good laugh about this.â But maybe this wasnât that sometime.
After I showered I came out to the kitchen to find L there.. I filled her in on the latest details and began to pour myself some Johnnie Walker. I texted N and asked him what time he wanted to hit the bar and asked where we were headed. He informed me he couldnât find anyone to go out and asked what I wanted to do. I told him I would hit up my friends and see what I could round up, but I still wanted to go out regardless.
Apparently, it wasnât going to be just the two of us. I was able to find two friends who were willing to go out, and I told them I would keep them in the loop when I knew what the plan was.
N texted and said he wanted to save some money by pregaming. He asked if he should grab a bottle from the liquor store to replenish some of the liquor he drank at my apartment. I graciously accepted the offer and told him I would see him in a few.
I was two glasses of scotch deep at this point, and my conversation with L was getting quite silly. Not sure why it hit me so fast, considering I can hold my liquor like a champ! After 20 minutes, I texted N asking what was taking him so long. He responded, âWalking out the door now.â
He came by with a bottle of Grey Goose. When he walked in the door, I got a luke-warm hug and a peck on the check, but that was to be expected. It just wasnât what I was used to. I was also on to my third hefty glass of scotch. The Grey Goose wasnât all he brought with him. He also brought some recreational supplies. I asked if he wanted to go out on the porch and smoke, but he wasnât really feeling it. After some arm-twisting, he complied. I donât know if it was the smoking or the spending time alone with me on the porch he was avoiding, but looking back Iâm willing to bet it was the time alone with me.
When we came back in, I plopped down on the couch with another glass of scotch and the rest of the bottle of Johnnie. He sat in a chair rather far from me. L joined us as well after I extended an invitation. I was hoping her presence would help cut the tension.
The three of us sat and chatted while we drank. After some time, Nâs roommate joined us. We talked about random things I canât remember because the scotch began to kick in. At one point, N said something exceptionally person I never knew about him. It really pulled at my heartstrings. All I could think about was how much I wanted to give him a hug. I texted him and said, âYou never told me about any of that.â He responded, âWe never got that far, and I donât like normally bringing it up unless it comes up in conversation.â
I asked him if he would come out on the balcony with me. His response: âI donât mean to be rude, but why?â After that, I lost all the emotional sympathy I was feeling and received his message loud and clear. I said, âForget it.â Of course, after that, he wanted to know what I wanted to talk about, but I told him to just forget it. We texted each other a few more times while we sat a few feet apart. I was now wasted. One of his texts even said, âYou need more ice.â
Since it was getting late, Nâs roommate and my roommate went to bed.
After that, everything is a blackout for me. The next thing I remember, I woke up alone and in a panic. It was the next morning, and I couldnât remember N leaving my apartment that night. He wasnât in my bed, but I couldnât for the life of me remember how the night ended. I could hear L outside my door, so I shouted, âDid I do anything dumb last night!?â She told me we were still in the living room when she went to bed, so she had no idea.
I knew I needed to do some damage control. I didnât know if I did anything inappropriate, but I knew at that point N was the only one who could tell me what happened. I texted him to ask what happened and preemptively apologize if I did anything wrong. I also explained that I had fun just hanging with him and our roommates and added, âLast thing I wanna do is make it uncomfortableâŚâ
He responded, âWe made out for a little bit. Then you tried bringing me in the bedroom but I couldnât⌠That wouldnât have been right for either of us.â I slapped myself in the forhead. Of course I did that. I responded, âThank you for telling me this and thank you for being a gentleman.â
Surprisingly, he replied, âWe both knew we wanted to but I couldnât, especially with you as drunk as you were and I having sobered up.â I thanked him again for being a gentleman, and he countered, âNo need to thank me⌠Iâll always be there for you.â It was a sweet notion. I had a lot of regret for putting us both in that position and was disappointed in myself for acting like a child.
Later that Friday, we talked on Gchat about the events of the night before. It was a very adult and civilized conversation. I was happy for that. We even spoke about what would have happened if I werenât incapacitated by alcohol. While the conversation was nice, I knew for my own sake, I needed to put more distance between us, or I would never be able to get over him.
As the day progressed, N read my blog again. He read about NC commenting on my ability to do better and was not happy about it. I tried to calm him down, but there was already bad blood between the two. He decided to remove NC from his life and unfriended him on Facebook and blocked him on Gchat.
When 1:00 rolled around, I left work after a half day. I was headed to Belmar at the Jersey Shore with three friends and my sister for the weekend. I was very excited to get away and have some fun. I just got through the week from hell and needed some distractions. I would be free to do whatever and whomever I chose, and that made me very happy!
Follow @onegayatatime2 Can Play That Game
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 29, 2011
N and I were talking sporadically, but it was almost as if we werenât in a relationship. He was working in the city that day, and sent me a text message asking what time I was heading in. I was getting in the habit of waking up and getting to work earlier. I still didnât have my appetite and wasnât eating breakfast in the morning, which bought me more time. I was also enjoying the distraction of work that kept me busy. I told him I would be heading in at 8:30. He said he wouldnât be ready by then. I didnât have to be in at a set time, so I waited for him.
Finally, at 9:15 he emerged from his apartment. Had I known he would take so long, I would not have waited, especially if I knew what was to follow. The conversation on the walk was very distant and awkward. We spoke as if we were already broken up. Most of the time, he was buried in his phone. Maybe he was on Grindr, but at this point, I didnât care. I was too, and I was getting bites. When we were half way to the PATH, he pulls back and says, âWait! This is telling me the bus is a better option for me to get to work.â Apparently we wouldnât be going into to work together after all. I waited around for an awkward five-minute walk. He mentioned his need to stop at the ATM but would also needed exact change. Since Iâm the overly generous person I am, opened my wallet and handed him a bus pass. He commented, âYou would have this in your wallet.â Not even a thank you. I felt like one of his discarded used tissues. I allowed him to take advantage of my generosity, and I hated myself for it.
Before we headed our separate ways, he told me he was going to watch the fireworks with his family at his auntâs house that night and would probably be staying there. We would not see each other that night.Â
While watching TV on the couch, I began to get horny. I decided to text the man I had sex with a few weeks earlier. He was a good lay, and I figured why not? I texted, âHey man. Wanna come over?â He responded pretty quickly. He was out with friends but would stop by later. He added, âI not a whore or anything either, but I had fun last time with you.â
This is also the exact moment N texted me asking what I was up to because he was on his way back from his auntâs house. In my passive aggressiveness, I told him watching a movie and chatting online. In the meantime, I texted the man from Grindr and informed him I would have to cancel and apologized. I got no response from N, so I asked if he was just checking up on me or if he was interested in hanging out. When N replied telling me he was just checking up on me, I immediately texted Mr. Grindr and told him to get his ass to my place and apologized for the confusion.
When he arrived, we went out to the balcony to hang out for a little bit and smoke. At this point, he started asking a lot of questions about N. When I asked him âWhat gives?â he explained someone meeting many of my descriptors had been texting him for some time now. He spoke up because when we met the first time, I was upfront and told him I was involved with someone. At this point, he offered to show me the messages he received. It was really none of my business what the exchanges were between them, but I graciously accepted the offer. What I saw next was just the dose of reality I needed. N had been asking this guy to hook up many times, even sending him pictures of his dick (with his face in the shot). So much for just talking! The icing on the cake was he was messaging him that night. He was playing back n forth between the two of us. That was the ultimate slap in the face. While he was sitting there in front of me, N was still texting him.Â
I knew better than to leave notifications on my phone when Mr. Grindr came over. I had a feeling N would text again, and I didnât need a distraction. I was horny and was annoyed with Nâs games. Mr. Grindr and I had an extensive conversation about the situation at hand. I apologized profusely for bringing him into the mess and came clean about using him just for sex. He actually was a good guy and I started to look at him as more of a friend than just a hookup. He didnât need to tell me about Nâs sexting, but he did. I greatly appreciated his candor.
With that, we headed inside to my bedroom. As we did, I glanced at my phone. I had three text messages from N asking if I was feeling better, asking how my chatting was going, and finally asking again what I was doing. Mr. Grindr looked at me and asked if it was N. I said yes as I put the phone down and lunged at him.
We had sex and it was good, but we needed to take a break. When we did, we discussed things again, but the conversation was more about the relationship between he and I, not involving N. He even asked, âShould I tell him to come over?â I loudly protested how bad an idea that was. I donât know if he meant in the sense of a three-some, but I thought me meant more to confront him on his indiscretions. I told him it wasnât my style to make a public spectacle of things. That type of action was not proper, not matter how much N was playing games.
At that very moment, Mr. Grindr got a text notification. He said, âThatâs one of two people. Either my roommate or him.â I told him he didnât need to look for me, but if he wanted to look for himself, that was his business. He looked, and sure enough, it was N asking him to hang out still. I got GREAT satisfaction out of this. Not only was N home alone with just his hand, but after trying to manipulate both of us, I got the guy. The two of them never had the opportunity to meet. Both were closeted and had roommates. They had nowhere âsafeâ to hookup.
Mr. Grindrâs morals kicked in at this point, and he decided it best if he went home. I tried to convince him to stay and chat further (and also finish what we started), but it was no use. He insisted on leaving. If I wasnât feeling guilty enough for dragging him into this mess, now I felt downright awful. As he left, I walked to the window to watch what he did. I was curious if he was going to try to meet N. He walked to the corner of my street, looked at his phone, and looked toward Nâs apartment. He paused a moment as I said out loud to myself, âDonât you dare!â Just then, he turned and walked home. âGood boy!âÂ
After about a half hour, I responded to Nâs texts. I told him my appetite was returning and the online chatting was just Facebook. I then played dumb and followed up with, âDid you need something?â
The next morning I woke up to a text from N saying, âI wanted to see you.â What a prick! He didnât want to see me. He wanted to get off! And, he didnât care if it was Mr. Grindr or I. This cut deep, but my anger provided a sufficient band-aid for the time being. To me, it was his worst transgression. Even if they never met, he had every intent to do so. He even went as far as covering his bases by texting me should their plans fall through again. It was over. We were done. I do not stand for anyone treating me this way. After 26 years of single life and tormenting myself, I wouldnât stand for this behavior! I deserve better! This was the wake-up call I needed, but this was just the beginning of my transformation back to my old self.
Sick to My Stomach
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 26, 2011
Monday morning, I woke to the sound of my alarm clock. The night before, N entertained the idea of taking the day off or working from home, however, this morning, his tone changed. He rushed to get ready for work since he was late, as usual. While he got dressed, everything from the night before slowly bubbled up in my brain. My disposition changed as I realized the hell my relationship was in. He gave me a kiss goodbye, and I gave him a forced smile as he walked out the door. I could tell by the expression on his face he knew how I was feeling.
Besides feeling like someone ripped my heart from my chest, I was feeling even sicker than the day before. My stomach was turning. I had so much work to do that day, but I couldnât fathom going into the office. All morning, I was back n forth to the bathroom. I also realized sitting at home all day by myself with just my thoughts for company would be THE WORST thing possible for me at the time. The distraction of work would be a good for me, but I just couldnât do it. I didnât know if I could make the walk to the PATH, let alone make it through the whole day, so I called in sick.
All morning, I curled up in a ball on the couch watching TV. I tried to eat a bowl of cereal, but after four bites, I felt nauseous. I really did a number on myself that weekend. I drank very heavily both Friday and Saturday well into the morning, as well as a few cocktails on Sunday, which was because I thought a little hair of the dog might help. NOPE!
After a while, I tried to fall asleep, but sadly all I could do was think about N. I started to tear up again, but refused to let myself cry. Finally, out of exhaustion, I fell asleep.
After some time, my roommateâs girlfriend came by. She was packing their things for their move to a new apartment. I needed someone to talk to, so I told her what happened. She gave me her take on the situation and offered advice. I didnât fully agree with her on some things, but I knew she was right about most of it. It just wasnât what I wanted to hear. I knew in my brain I needed to break up with him â the guy in which I had zero trust to be faithful to me. But, my heart was not in sync. It still wanted him â this great guy I met and integrated into my life so easily. I was torn. I knew if I just had hard proof, it would be the closure I needed to get over it and end things with him.
Nevertheless, I didnât think our conversation was over. I didnât have all the answers I needed, and if I was going to be treated like a second string booty call, this relationship was over. I asked him if he would be around that night since he couldnât spend the day at home with me. He responded by telling me he completely forgot, until his roommate reminded him, he was going to her brotherâs graduation party and would be spending the night. I would not see him for at least another 36 hours.
A big red flag went up in my head. Since I had no trust in him whatsoever, I began stalking him on Grindr. Was he meeting up with a man? Grindr would tell me how far away he was. I knew his job was 6 miles from my apartment. At one point that evening, he was 10 miles away, and then it jumped to 33 miles away. Of course, my brain racked over what the pit stop was. Did he stop at a Grindr friendâs apartment on the way to the party for a quickie? Who knew? This is was I was reduced to.
I was driving myself insane, so I took my frustrations out on someone who was bothering me for some time, Gatsbie69. The week before I met N on Grindr, I met what seemed to be the perfect guy for me also on Grindr. He was 28, and his name was Tim, or so he said. We talked for hours between Grindr and AIM. He emailed me numerous pictures of him and his hot body, but something never quite added up. Long story short, we discussed our lives and interests and matched up quite well. I was excited to meet him, except he always had an excuse why he couldnât. Over two months, I did some research and came to find how much of a fake he was. I couldnât figure out what he was getting out of this arrangement, and in my agitated state, I ripped into him that night on AIM. He denied the accusations, but with little fervor. When I finished telling him what an awful person he is, I made sure to make a full report to Grindr for impersonating someone else.
I needed to get out of my apartment. I was driving myself crazy. I texted my friends to see what everyone were up to. I didnât care what it was. I just needed a distraction. K finally answered. I told her how much of a wreck I was. I explained my lack of appetite during the day (K knows how much I love to eat, so she knew how out of sorts I was), so she invited me over for dinner. I jumped at the invitation. I was at her apartment in five minutes. She made lobster ravioli, and I was able to stomach four of them. So if youâre keeping track, I had four spoonfuls of cereal and four raviolis. But, I couldnât help it. The thought of food made me nauseous. At this point, I knew it was more than just a hangover. I was causing myself so much emotional distress; it was beginning to affect my digestive system.
I was stronger than this. I didnât do this. This is not who I am. Why was I letting one boyâs folly tear me down? It was ridiculous! But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldnât shake it.
After dinner, I laid on her couch watching TV with her. We didnât talk, but it was just nice to be with someone and watching mindless TV. She doesnât realize it, but she really helped me that day. I havenât felt that depressed in a long time, and I really needed a friend to be there. Thanks K!
When N posted pictures of the party to Facebook, I knew he actually went to the party. When it started to get late, I walked home. I didnât want to keep K up, and I knew it would probably do me good to get more sleep.
When I got back to my room, I hopped into bed. My California King never felt so empty as it did that night. I know I didnât want N in my bed that night, but I also know I didnât want to be alone either. The nightmarish thoughts that were my love life ran though my head until I was finally able to doze off to sleep.
Your Cheating Heart
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 22, 2011
Saturday, I woke up fairly later in the morning. N was still sleeping in my bed, and Boston was still sleeping on the couch when I started to make breakfast. I fried up some frozen homemade sausage patties and eggs. In the meantime, my two favorite men woke up and joined me in the kitchen. I brewed a pot of coffee, and we sat and ate. Boston and I planned to go into the city for the day. He hadn’t been to the city in ten years. He is in music school and asked to check out the original Steinway store to play on some of their finest pianos. We invited N to join, but his plans included shaving his back and getting a haircut.
When breakfast ended, N and I went into my room and fooled around. I was horny since we didn’t do anything the night before and hungry for real sex. But, N wasn’t 100% cooperative. “I feel bad that Boston is out there alone right now. Ya know, we could let him watch,” he said with a wink and a smile. I just laughed it off and continued with my heavy petting. (I did feel bad for Boston because he got out of the shower and all his clean clothes were in my bedroom.) When I finally realized it wasn’t going to happen, we stopped. N went home to get ready for his day of primping, and I showered to get ready for the city. (I would later come to find N accusing me of hooking up with Boston at this point)
When Boston and I arrived in the city, we came upon a street fair. We walked around and got lunch. Following, I showed him some of the major attractions. It was really nice just relaxing with Boston and walking around the city. He started to feel like a little brother. Finally we arrived at the Steinway and Son’s a half hour before they were about to close for a recital. Boston sat at a few of the pianos and blew me away with his talent. I told him if he ever wanted to impress a guy, he should take him to a piano store and it would be in the bag.
We also stopped into to Saks to visit one of Boston’s old friends. We said hi, and he invited us to a house party and a drag show at a bar on the lower east side, Drom.
On the walk back to Port Authority, we passed a few of the pianos sprinkled around the city. I made Boston sit and play after The Naked Cowboy finished tinkering in Times Square. He ended up being filmed by the man in charge of documenting the project. Overall, I’d say it was a good day for Boston.
When we got back to Hoboken, we got dressed to go out and went to my friend K’s for a bbq. We were skipping the house party, but were going to meet them at Drom.
Likewise, N had plans for the night. Originally, he told me he was going out to dinner with friends and they didn’t know if they were staying in the city or coming back to Hoboken. To me, this meant straight friends. I figured i received no details because he wasn’t out to his- fellow diners. I was wrong. As the day went on, I received more details. He was going to dinner with eight gay men, and then it evolved into them going to Industry, a gay bar.
I asked him if it was an issue if we met up at Industry until Boston’s friends went to the lower east side. He told me to come. When Industry had a long line, they decided to go to Ritz, not my favorite bar. Boston and I finished at the bbq and headed to Ritz. On the walk there from Port Authority, I expressed my concerns about N and the night. I told him how shady it felt since he was being somewhat secretive. When we arrived, N’s phone was dying. I tried calling and texting to no avail. We went into the first floor and couldn’t find him anywhere. We tried upstairs to no avail as well. Finally, he texted me back. He was outside to smoking and trying to find us.
When he finally came back in, he was a drunk sweaty mess. I was way too sober to be there. I get very uncomfortable in gay bars for some reason. So, I ordered four straight vodka shots, two of which were for myself. He began to grind his ass in my crotch, and I liked it! This was the first time we could dance together and not create a total scene. A good portion of the night from then on is a blur for me. I got very drunk so I could tolerate the heat and the club and have blacked out a few bits.
When Boston got a text from his friends, we decided to leave. N told me he was coming with us. I was very pleasantly surprised. Boston and I went outside while N said goodbye to his fiends. When ten minutes passed, and he didn’t come out, I went back into the bar. As I was walking up the stairs, I noticed him talking to someone. Men were passing between us going up and down the stairs, but just then I saw him lean in and kiss this man. My heart shattered into a million pieces. In that millisecond, I felt my world crumbling around me. I know it was just one little kiss, but the fact that he was talking to another man, exchanging numbers and kissing broke my heart. I was crushed.
I didn’t know what to do other than run. I turned and sped down the stairs. He must have seen me at that instant because he chased after me. He tried to spin me around by grabbing my shoulder, but I flung my arms into the air and shouted, “Don’t touch me!” All that went through my head at that point was how many other guys were you grinding on and kissing before I arrived at the bar? We never had the exclusive conversation, but at that point, he was sleeping in my bed almost every night. We were in a relationship, even if it wasn’t defined.
He tried to calm me down on the street, but I was making a scene. I didn’t know what to do. When I get heated I get loud. He asked me to have a conversation and stop shouting, but I couldn’t be calm. I couldn’t be rational. I was enraged. Somehow, he managed to calm me down and convince me it was just a peck on the cheek in passing. Out of my inebriation, I let it go, and we went to the next bar. I felt awful. Boston was standing across the street witnessing this whole scene uncomfortably waiting for us to meet up with his friends at Drom.
In the cab ride, I decided I would pretend it didn’t happen for the night. Boston was only in town until the morning. I would deal with the situation later. I needed to entertain my good friend.
Boston lost his ID the night before, so when we attempted to enter the bar, the bouncer was not cooperative. Finally, when I shoved $40 into his hand, he let us in. After we each paid the $12 cover (on to of the $40), we came to realize Boston’s friends already left. The scene was dead. When I realized there was no chance in hell I was going to have fun the rest of the night, we grabbed a few drinks, and I volunteered to go on the hunt to find Boston a man to have fun with. We asked him what his type was. He explained. Then, N asked him if he was a top or a bottom. (This really had no relevance to the situation, and I think N took advantage to satiate his own curiosity.) When Boston was reluctant to elaborate, N said, “I’m a total top, but I love it when he puts his dick in my ass.” This was news to me. Especially since it never really fully made it there. It was just confirmation he was pumping Boston for information because he had a crush on him.
At one point, N and Boston walked to the bar to get drinks while I went to the restroom. Days later, Boston recounted for me the following exchange: N firmly gripped Boston’s ass and said, “How do you get an ass like that? So tight and firm. I’d really like to put my dick in there.” Had I known this happened that night, I would have left the bar with Boston and that would have been the end of it.
When we were all thoroughly exhausted and bored, we hopped in a cab back to Hoboken. No sooner we were in the door, and N was passed out face down on my bed in his underwear. This raised a whole new red flag in my brain. He was donning the sexiest underwear I’d ever seen him wear. His back was freshly shaved, his chest was cleanly shaved and he had a new haircut. All those are fine, but who was he expecting to see his underwear at a gay club. He spent the entire day getting ready for this night out. He never spent that much time primping to see me. Everything was starting to add up. From the business trip I took on, N was quickly distancing himself and seeking relationship freedom.
I went back out to the kitchen to chat with Boston. He immediately said, “OK! What happened!? What did you see!?” I explained to him the kiss, and in typical fashion, he dealt me the truth. He explained how N manipulated me that night as he watched from across the street. He told me to trust what I saw and trust my own instincts. We talked for at least another hour after that.
N’s phone was sitting there the whole time as well. I picked it up and was about to look through his Grindr messages because I wanted to find the closure I needed to tell him it was over. I couldn’t trust him anymore, but if I had proof, I would be able to get over it myself. Boston convinced me how bad that idea was. I put the phone down without pushing a button. To this day, I still regret not looking. It’s completely out of character for me to not trust someone and read their phone, but it would have delivered me the closure I needed.
At that point, I was exhausted. Physically and emotionally. That night I was delivered a heavy blow to the gut and needed to sleep to forget about it even for one instant. Boston went to the couch, and I begrudgingly went to share my bed with the man I had seen kissing another man. I laid down with my back to him and tears streaming down my face. I was crushed by what happened. I had no idea what to do. I still had very strong feelings for him, but couldn’t turn a blind eye. It isn’t who i am. I’m no one’s fallback or second best. However, I did know it was certainly not going to be a fun morning for him either…
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Romantic Dinner for 2
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 13, 2011
There were many nights I cooked for N and I. I enjoy cooking so much because I enjoy eating so much. It was also nice to have someone to take care of again. Tonight was a different story.
N had offered to make me his famous eggplant parmesan. He told me every time he’s made it, his friends have raved about the results. I told him, “I’ll have to judge that for myself.” The night before, he said he would make it for me for dinner the following night.
We spoke earlier in the day about how to pull it off for him to make dinner at my apartment. I hadn’t been in the pool in weeks, and I finally had the opportunity to get back in, so I wanted to swim that night. I was trying to get back into summer shape, and who doesn’t want to look good for their man?
The plan was for me to hide my key somewhere outside my apartment, so, when he got home, he could just come over and start cooking right away.
This may have been a dream of mine – Coming home to a fully cooked meal made by the man I couldn’t stop thinking about all day long. Does it get any better than that? However, I was skeptical. In the back of my mind, I was expecting to arrive home to find he hadn’t even made it over to my apartment yet.
If he was already cooking, he was working hard. And, he deserved a small reward for his hard work. I got out of the pool a little early. I couldn’t take the excitement anymore. After I finished my pool workout, since I 
was the only one in the locker room, I decided to take a few shots of myself in my drag suit to text to him. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated what he was doing for me, and I also wanted to get his engine revving for what I was going to do with him for desert.
After I got dressed, I hopped on my motorcycle and sped home as fast as I could. I checked my phone as I was keying into my apartment building, and I had no responses from the texts I sent. Now, I was legitimately worried he wasn’t there yet (If I was smart, I would have looked to see if the keys had been taken from the hiding place). But much to my pleasure, he didn’t let me down. It was incredibly sexy walking in the door to see him hovering over the stove making us a meal. I was sooooo turned on.
After asking if I could help in any way and being politely turned down, I plopped myself down on the bar stool and watched him cook. It sure was a nice change to not have to play chef. At one point, my roommate came home. She immediately made a comment about how strange it was seeing me sitting on the stool instead of standing in front of the stove. I explained to her he was cooking us a romantic meal, and I wasn’t about to mess with a good thing when I had it. She got the hint and went into her room.
I went to the wine fridge and picked out one of my favorite bottles. This truly was a special occasion. When the meal was ready, I went into my room and grabbed a few candles to put on the table we were eating on. I thanked him with a big kiss and dug in. I never had eggplant parmesan before, but this was spectacular! He wasn’t kidding about how good it was, but now I was experiencing it in my mouth. If you can’t tell by now, I’m a foodie. He truly found the way to my heart. The first few bites were all followed up with a kiss. We ate and ate until we gorged ourselves. Luckily, we had leftovers. I would be able to relive the memory of this night a few more times.
Following dinner, he went into my room to use my facilities. I began to make us desert – a simple dish, but one I knew he loved. I sauteed sliced up fresh peaches in a pan with a splash of oil and a dash of Splenda. This was our way of making a slightly healthier desert. However, when I finished making desert, and he still hadn’t returned from my room, I assumed he passed out on my bed. He had a habit of passing out on me. I tip-toed down the hall to see, but he was still using the restroom. I heard a magazine page being flipped, and it all began to make sense.
When he finally emerged from the bathroom to find me on the couch with the rest of our wine and two bowls of peaches and whipped cream, he said, “Oh. I didn’t know you were making that for us tonight. I thought you were just making it to have around.” I told him he was dense, and we dug into our desert. This of course was followed up with some heavy petting and a lot of making out, until we moved things to the bedroom. That night, we both had a great time. I wanted to make sure I pleased him good! And he certainly reciprocated.
The night was simple, but spectacular. I had amazing food and an amazing man to share it with. What else could I ask for? And with that, I fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face.
On a side note, I just found this video yesterday. It’s an adorable take on gay marriage. Totally cute and brought tears to my eyes. Very relevant as NY just legalized gay marriage. Check it out.
Follow @onegayatatimeHeart-to-Heart
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 11, 2011
That Saturday, on the way home from the lake, we stopped and picked up supplies for a bbq that night. I was making a ton of food and invited a bunch of friends and the two new roommates. They hadn’t met yet, and I thought it would be a good idea to get them together if they were going to be living together. Plus, I wanted to spend time with my man, N, and I wanted to show him off to my friends.
The one thing I have to say about my friends, besides the fact that I love them all, is they all get along with each other. No matter what computation of friends I pull together, they always seem to be able to chat amongst themselves and have a good time.
We started off with muscles for an appetizer, and they were a huge hit! Everyone loved them! We all gathered around the island in my kitchen and ate while we talked. N’s roommate was also invited that night. I had yet to meet her but heard so much about her already. I was only hoping she would like me because I knew her opinion would carry a lot of weight. She came by after a few people had already arrived and settled in. We were introduced, and I immediately knew I would get along with her. She had a spitfire personality and was very attractive. So much so, that all my male friends asked to be set up with her. I know better though. Most wouldn’t getting anywhere near her. At least not with my help.
We moved things out to the balcony while I grilled burgers for everyone. The wine and beer were flowing, and everyone was having a great time. When everyone finished eating, I started to clean up and put things away. About half way through, N came in and asked if he could help me. I thought it was very sweet and thanked him for the offer, but told him, “I got it. Go back and enjoy the party.”
When 10:30 rolled around, we started to make moves to a bar. N’s roommate had friends at the Turtle Club, so we decided to go there. We all piled in and ordered drinks. Some in the group found entertainment in the company of others, while a bunch of us stuck together in a group. I had the opportunity to talk to N’s roommate one-on-one. At one point, I asked the burning question to ask her. “Where do your other roommates thing N is all the time? Don’t they notice that he’s never sleeping there.” She told me that he spends a lot of time a the gym and they just assume he’s there all the time. We talked a little more about N and myself and I told her how much I liked him. She told me she thought I was cool and good for him. I really enjoyed getting to pull her aside and bond with her a little. She means a lot to him, and she is like his little sister.
I spent most of the night at the bar not with N. He was talking to other friends and dancing most of the night. I thought it was great. He was bonding with my friends, I was bonding with his. Our lives were becoming integrated.
Of course, we all had a lot to drink that night, but N had a little more than most. When the time came to go home, he came to my place and ordered food. We laid on the couch watching TV until he fell asleep on me once again. When the food arrived, I attempted to wake him up, but to no avail. I signed for his food, put it in the fridge and went to bed. I was a little annoyed, but what could I do. He was out like a narcolept. If he wanted to pass out on the couch again, he was going to feel uncomfortable once again the next morning…
Follow @onegayatatimeDrunk Introductions
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 7, 2011
That Friday night, NÂ went to his friend’s birthday party at a bar in Hoboken. I was pretty beat, so I decided to stay in for the night. I had 2 Netflix waiting to be watched.
At this point, N is only out to 3 women in his life. His mother, his roommate and a friend in Florida. He was going to the party with many of his college friends, none of which knew of his penchant for men. Earlier that day, we discussed our plans for the night, and N mentioned I could pop by the party unannounced. He wanted to see me, but no one knew about us, so we’d have to be discreet and “just friends.” They were going to a bar that I have frequented a lot. I could have easily gathered a few people and gone, but I knew better.
First off, I had no desire to go out. Secondly, I knew he wasn’t really ready for that step yet, even though he was half extending the invitation. We would be trying to hide it so much it would be obvious. Instead, I stayed in, receiving picture messages of him in the mirror of the bathroom.
I made dinner and plopped down on the couch in a pair of gym shorts; a perfect night if you ask me. One of the movies I had from Netflix was Amistad. I had never seen it and remembered it getting a lot of hype when it came out. Half way through it, I realized it was not a movie for a Friday night. I had no idea it was so heavy. It was almost as bad as watching Schindler’s List.
Late that night, around 1:00 in the morning, I got a call from N. He told me he had someone who wanted to meet me, and asked if he could bring her over. I assumed it was his roommate. He had spoken about her many times and told me how badly she wanted to meet me. When I finally buzzed them in, much to my surprise, it was not his roommate at all.
N was very drunk. He had a stain down the front of his shirt and was slurring his words. He introduced me to his friend and went on to tell me he told her he is gay that night at the bar. Apparently she didn’t take it very well, but was consoled by his roommate who also knew. But after that, she was dying to meet me.
This gave me warm fuzzies. He was so excited about us, he couldn’t wait to tell someone and was now bringing her home to show me off. It was a big night for him. He took a big step forward as a gay man, but we also took a step forward as a couple.
Shortly thereafter, his friend left so we could do our thing and go to bed. N was so drunk, he slid down the back of one of my living room chairs and broke the leg off. I picked him up and we moved to the couch to snuggle. It was nice having him there that night. I was very happy to see him. We watched TV for a short period before he fell asleep on me. I tried to wake him, but no matter what I did, he just lay there. I even gently slapped him across the face, but no movement, just grumbles. He is too big of a man to when he’s dead weight to carry, so there was nothing I could do besides leave him sleeping on the couch. I managed to lift his legs up onto the couch so he would be comfortable, and I went to bed.
In the morning, I woke and came out to the living room to find him still sleeping. I began to make breakfast, and shortly after he woke up. He told me at one point he woke up on the floor pinned between the couch and the coffee table. I told him that’s what he gets for not coming to bed with me.
We sat and ate breakfast and rehashed the night before. He didn’t remember a lot of the things I told him, so it made for an interesting conversation.
I was really starting to enjoy this new groove we were getting into. When I was with Broadway, I barely saw him. It was usually only to sleep together. With N, I was really starting to build a relationship with a strong foundation.
Follow @onegayatatimeLazy Day
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 1, 2011
After a spectacular beginning of the weekend, the next day, we woke up around noon. Both of us were starving so I made pumpkin pancakes, eggs and bacon. After we housed that, we both plopped down on the couch to watch some TV. We had great aspirations for the day and hoped to be productive, but failed epically.
After we both fell asleep on each other, we woke and decided to walk to the grocery store to get ingredients to make dinner that night. We chatted on the walk there, and I can remember thinking to myself the whole time how I couldn’t believe neither of us was sick of the other. We pretty much just spent the past 48 hours at each other’s side, and we were both still very happy. 
We picked up vegetables and feta and a few other ingredients. When we got back to the apartment, we relaxed a bit before I started to make dinner. I was preparing lamb burgers with feta and red onion served over lettuce instead of in a bun. We also cut up copious amounts of vegetables and grilled them in olive oil and spices. The meal was amazing. Everything tasted so fresh and delicious. While we ate we watched a movie. For desert, I made sauteed peaches with a small cake round and whipped cream. He was in heaven. He was regretting the calories of it all, but couldn’t get enough. I calmed him down by pointing out how healthy the meal actually was.
When we finished desert and the movie, we began fooling around on the couch. Then the time came to move things to my bed. We had yet another special night to top off one of the best weekends I’d ever spent with someone. I felt like I really got to know him over those few days and was hungry for more. We were moving at lightning speed, but it all just felt so right.
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At the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 