Posts Tagged Boston
Was that a Date?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on August 22, 2011
I first downloaded Grindr as I was pushing back from the gate on my flight to San Francisco for business. Upon my return, I often played around with it at work. Early in my Grindr experience, I found a VERY sexy torso to strike up a chat with. The guy seemed very level-headed and not simply interested in hooking up. I also discovered he worked across the street from me.
But, when I asked him to hang out, he got very shy. He told me he was very picky and wasn’t that interested in meeting someone. I asked if he would grab a drink after work sometime, and he kinda let me down easy. Periodically, I messaged him after that just to say hi, but I never got much of a response. It was disappointing. Finally, I gave up.
Then one day, out of the blue, he messaged me. He asked if I had just been in Bryant Park sitting on a park bench for lunch. I was impressed and thrilled he recognized me without having met me. Ironically enough, I was on a lunch date with someone from adam4adam.com.
We chatted about the chances of him picking me out of a crowd in the city. I brought up the idea of getting a drink together. A month passed by since the last time I asked him. This time he was ready to play ball, maybe since he saw me in person? Not exactly sure. Either way, I convinced him to send me both his number and a picture of his face. At this point, I’ve had so many guys’ numbers in my phone, I needed some way to keep them straight (the first sign I was becoming a whore). My strategy was to get pictures of them to attach to their contact profile. I’m much better with faces than names.
A week later, on a whim, I sent him a text asking if he would be interested in grabbing lunch that very afternoon. I knew it was a long shot since it was such short notice, but why the hell not. Much to my surprise, he agreed. I had to run into a meeting, but would be able to meet immediately following since my work for the day was pretty much over. I told him to pick a spot. He told me he’d get right on it.
We met in the square between our offices and walked to KyoChon for some excellent wings. I had never been there before, so he explained all the ins and outs to the place. We took our food and grabbed a table upstairs.
He was great company. The conversation started immediately when I met him. The whole walk over we chatted about careers and how we got where we are today. The conversation still flowed while we ate. There were no awkward pauses or hiccups. I was very comfortable with him. He also had a great smile, something I’m coming to find is a weak spot for me. Ironically enough, he looked like Boston, had the same name as him, and he recently moved to NYC from Boston. The resemblance was a little uncanny, but I moved past it quickly.
I had a lot of respect for him. He left a very successful job at a law firm to come to NYC to find himself. He wanted a new job, but didn’t know what he wanted to do. He just knew he wasn’t going to find himself in Boston. Right now he was working in marketing, but that also wasn’t exactly what he wanted to be doing. He was still on the path to clarity.
We also talked about therapy. He was seeing a psychologist from time to time to talk through issues. He told me most people don’t realize it’s covered by most insurance companies to go for periodic sessions. He explained how it’s been a good outlet for him to get his head straight. I didn’t see him as a crazy person. I actually saw him as more sane for having such a healthy respect for it. I began to entertain the idea myself. My friends are my therapist. I have abused many of my friends in this respect and turned to writing a blog to alleviate some of that burden. Maybe a therapist was what I needed.
This was truly a quality guy. A guy I really wanted to get to know. I knew I would need to take it slow with this one. I didn’t want to come on too strong and turn him off right off the bat. We walked back towards our offices and said goodbye with a nice handshake. He turned and said, “This was good. We should definitely do it again!” I was very happy. I passed the test. Also, was this a successful “date?” It didn’t quite feel like it was a date going in, but maybe it was a lunch date by the time we were done. I was looking forward to our next.
As time passed, I didn’t push the issue of a second “date.” I also became distracted with other guys, but one day, while going through my contacts, I discovered him again. I shot him a text asking if he’d want to grab lunch again soon. He told me he was out-of-town for the week, but we would touch base when he got back the following week. Only time would tell if we’d figure it out…
Follow @onegayatatimeYour Cheating Heart
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 22, 2011
Saturday, I woke up fairly later in the morning. N was still sleeping in my bed, and Boston was still sleeping on the couch when I started to make breakfast. I fried up some frozen homemade sausage patties and eggs. In the meantime, my two favorite men woke up and joined me in the kitchen. I brewed a pot of coffee, and we sat and ate. Boston and I planned to go into the city for the day. He hadn’t been to the city in ten years. He is in music school and asked to check out the original Steinway store to play on some of their finest pianos. We invited N to join, but his plans included shaving his back and getting a haircut.
When breakfast ended, N and I went into my room and fooled around. I was horny since we didn’t do anything the night before and hungry for real sex. But, N wasn’t 100% cooperative. “I feel bad that Boston is out there alone right now. Ya know, we could let him watch,” he said with a wink and a smile. I just laughed it off and continued with my heavy petting. (I did feel bad for Boston because he got out of the shower and all his clean clothes were in my bedroom.) When I finally realized it wasn’t going to happen, we stopped. N went home to get ready for his day of primping, and I showered to get ready for the city. (I would later come to find N accusing me of hooking up with Boston at this point)
When Boston and I arrived in the city, we came upon a street fair. We walked around and got lunch. Following, I showed him some of the major attractions. It was really nice just relaxing with Boston and walking around the city. He started to feel like a little brother. Finally we arrived at the Steinway and Son’s a half hour before they were about to close for a recital. Boston sat at a few of the pianos and blew me away with his talent. I told him if he ever wanted to impress a guy, he should take him to a piano store and it would be in the bag.
We also stopped into to Saks to visit one of Boston’s old friends. We said hi, and he invited us to a house party and a drag show at a bar on the lower east side, Drom.
On the walk back to Port Authority, we passed a few of the pianos sprinkled around the city. I made Boston sit and play after The Naked Cowboy finished tinkering in Times Square. He ended up being filmed by the man in charge of documenting the project. Overall, I’d say it was a good day for Boston.
When we got back to Hoboken, we got dressed to go out and went to my friend K’s for a bbq. We were skipping the house party, but were going to meet them at Drom.
Likewise, N had plans for the night. Originally, he told me he was going out to dinner with friends and they didn’t know if they were staying in the city or coming back to Hoboken. To me, this meant straight friends. I figured i received no details because he wasn’t out to his- fellow diners. I was wrong. As the day went on, I received more details. He was going to dinner with eight gay men, and then it evolved into them going to Industry, a gay bar.
I asked him if it was an issue if we met up at Industry until Boston’s friends went to the lower east side. He told me to come. When Industry had a long line, they decided to go to Ritz, not my favorite bar. Boston and I finished at the bbq and headed to Ritz. On the walk there from Port Authority, I expressed my concerns about N and the night. I told him how shady it felt since he was being somewhat secretive. When we arrived, N’s phone was dying. I tried calling and texting to no avail. We went into the first floor and couldn’t find him anywhere. We tried upstairs to no avail as well. Finally, he texted me back. He was outside to smoking and trying to find us.
When he finally came back in, he was a drunk sweaty mess. I was way too sober to be there. I get very uncomfortable in gay bars for some reason. So, I ordered four straight vodka shots, two of which were for myself. He began to grind his ass in my crotch, and I liked it! This was the first time we could dance together and not create a total scene. A good portion of the night from then on is a blur for me. I got very drunk so I could tolerate the heat and the club and have blacked out a few bits.
When Boston got a text from his friends, we decided to leave. N told me he was coming with us. I was very pleasantly surprised. Boston and I went outside while N said goodbye to his fiends. When ten minutes passed, and he didn’t come out, I went back into the bar. As I was walking up the stairs, I noticed him talking to someone. Men were passing between us going up and down the stairs, but just then I saw him lean in and kiss this man. My heart shattered into a million pieces. In that millisecond, I felt my world crumbling around me. I know it was just one little kiss, but the fact that he was talking to another man, exchanging numbers and kissing broke my heart. I was crushed.
I didn’t know what to do other than run. I turned and sped down the stairs. He must have seen me at that instant because he chased after me. He tried to spin me around by grabbing my shoulder, but I flung my arms into the air and shouted, “Don’t touch me!” All that went through my head at that point was how many other guys were you grinding on and kissing before I arrived at the bar? We never had the exclusive conversation, but at that point, he was sleeping in my bed almost every night. We were in a relationship, even if it wasn’t defined.
He tried to calm me down on the street, but I was making a scene. I didn’t know what to do. When I get heated I get loud. He asked me to have a conversation and stop shouting, but I couldn’t be calm. I couldn’t be rational. I was enraged. Somehow, he managed to calm me down and convince me it was just a peck on the cheek in passing. Out of my inebriation, I let it go, and we went to the next bar. I felt awful. Boston was standing across the street witnessing this whole scene uncomfortably waiting for us to meet up with his friends at Drom.
In the cab ride, I decided I would pretend it didn’t happen for the night. Boston was only in town until the morning. I would deal with the situation later. I needed to entertain my good friend.
Boston lost his ID the night before, so when we attempted to enter the bar, the bouncer was not cooperative. Finally, when I shoved $40 into his hand, he let us in. After we each paid the $12 cover (on to of the $40), we came to realize Boston’s friends already left. The scene was dead. When I realized there was no chance in hell I was going to have fun the rest of the night, we grabbed a few drinks, and I volunteered to go on the hunt to find Boston a man to have fun with. We asked him what his type was. He explained. Then, N asked him if he was a top or a bottom. (This really had no relevance to the situation, and I think N took advantage to satiate his own curiosity.) When Boston was reluctant to elaborate, N said, “I’m a total top, but I love it when he puts his dick in my ass.” This was news to me. Especially since it never really fully made it there. It was just confirmation he was pumping Boston for information because he had a crush on him.
At one point, N and Boston walked to the bar to get drinks while I went to the restroom. Days later, Boston recounted for me the following exchange: N firmly gripped Boston’s ass and said, “How do you get an ass like that? So tight and firm. I’d really like to put my dick in there.” Had I known this happened that night, I would have left the bar with Boston and that would have been the end of it.
When we were all thoroughly exhausted and bored, we hopped in a cab back to Hoboken. No sooner we were in the door, and N was passed out face down on my bed in his underwear. This raised a whole new red flag in my brain. He was donning the sexiest underwear I’d ever seen him wear. His back was freshly shaved, his chest was cleanly shaved and he had a new haircut. All those are fine, but who was he expecting to see his underwear at a gay club. He spent the entire day getting ready for this night out. He never spent that much time primping to see me. Everything was starting to add up. From the business trip I took on, N was quickly distancing himself and seeking relationship freedom.
I went back out to the kitchen to chat with Boston. He immediately said, “OK! What happened!? What did you see!?” I explained to him the kiss, and in typical fashion, he dealt me the truth. He explained how N manipulated me that night as he watched from across the street. He told me to trust what I saw and trust my own instincts. We talked for at least another hour after that.
N’s phone was sitting there the whole time as well. I picked it up and was about to look through his Grindr messages because I wanted to find the closure I needed to tell him it was over. I couldn’t trust him anymore, but if I had proof, I would be able to get over it myself. Boston convinced me how bad that idea was. I put the phone down without pushing a button. To this day, I still regret not looking. It’s completely out of character for me to not trust someone and read their phone, but it would have delivered me the closure I needed.
At that point, I was exhausted. Physically and emotionally. That night I was delivered a heavy blow to the gut and needed to sleep to forget about it even for one instant. Boston went to the couch, and I begrudgingly went to share my bed with the man I had seen kissing another man. I laid down with my back to him and tears streaming down my face. I was crushed by what happened. I had no idea what to do. I still had very strong feelings for him, but couldn’t turn a blind eye. It isn’t who i am. I’m no one’s fallback or second best. However, I did know it was certainly not going to be a fun morning for him either…
[twitter-follow screen_name=’onegayatatime’ link_color=’00ccff’
Boston in the House
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on July 21, 2011
The next day, I did my best to forget the Grindr guy quickly. He was just a body I used, and the guilt I felt for using another human being like that was more than I could take. I disgusted myself. Not to mention what I did to N. I betrayed his trust. Something that is devastating to me, because if I’m nothing, I’m honest. I did exactly what I thought he did, and it didn’t make it any better. Just worse.
Much to my pleasure, Boston was visiting for the weekend. We planned it weeks prior and the day finally arrived. It just so happened we picked Pride Weekend in NYC for his visit. Perfect timing.
I left work at 2:00 to pick Boston up from Port Authority. However, his bus didn’t arrive for another two hours. I sat across the street at Schnipper’s Quality Kitchen reading the gay edition of the Village Voice. I found a lot of interesting articles to entertain myself while I waited. Especially the “Why I Hate Being Gay!” article. Once he arrived, we grabbed a quick lunch and hopped back on a bus to Hoboken.
That night, I planned an elaborate seafood dinner to welcome Boston and invited many of my friends, some of which he previously met in Miami. They too were excited to see him again. He’s just a good guy you always want to be around.
After he dropped his bags and got settled, Boston and I walked to the grocery store to get the few ingredients I needed to make the meal that night. I was going all out, with every kind of seafood I could think of. The night before I went to the store and bought so much seafood, the guy gave me a bunch of free things because I “just made his night” buying so much. He is a very nice older gentleman who I believe plays for my team. Boston was a really good friend who was always there for me when I needed an ear to talk off. I was going to treat him like a king while he visited.
When we got back, we talked while I prepared the meal. People slowly started trickling in, and everyone pitched in to help. We were all having fun, and Boston was getting to know a few of my friends. One friend was absent, however. N was nowhere to be found. He knew that I was making this meal. I had been talking about it the entire week leading up to Boston’s visit. Where the hell was he?
Finally, I got ahold of him via text, and he told me he was still at the gym and would be missing dinner. He was going to come by later after he showered. I was a little disappointed in him. I wanted him to be there, and he knew it. We were already on shaky ground with everything that was happening, and this was just one more thing to fan the flames. I told him I would save him some if he was lucky. He said, “I’ll just grab something now, and snack on it after the bar later tonight.” That got me even more annoyed. I felt like I was being treated like a short order cook.
While we ate, the wine was flowing, and following dinner, the spirits were too. Everyone was pregaming before we went off to the bar. Finally, N arrived. We already decided on a bar. My favorite bar, McSwiggans. I’m treated like royalty there. I know every bartender, bounce, and manager, and they take GOOD care of me. Once we were all properly lubricated, we journeyed to the bar.
It was a good scene. Lots of people dancing and having fun, and because I’m well connected there, we didn’t have to wait in line. Some of my friends who were unable to make it to dinner were meeting us at the bar. One of my old roommates was already there with his friend having a blast. I introduced Boston to more of my friends, and we all had a blast.
N and I were particularly flirtatious that night. We had been to this bar together, but it is definitely a straight bar. We normally let our guard down there because we feel comfortable, but that night we were probably obvious. We did everything but kiss right in the middle of the crowd. I was having a good time with him. All the problems drifted away. I was also happy to have Boston finally come visit, and he was having a good time too.
Apparently, N forgot I told him Boston is gay. He began to tell me how perfect a match he would be for his roommate until I reminded him. Then, I think he started to crush on him a little, as well as my old roommate. He kept on talking about how attractive they both are and how perfect my old roommate would be for his roommate as well. He was “just her type.” I tried to brush off the fact that he was telling me how he was attracted to my friends. It was off-putting, but I assumed it was innocent.
After some time, the three gay amigos started to bond. There was a very attractive guy who I had often seen at McSwiggans. We always made eye contact, but never spoke and never exchanged anything of substance. I always wondered which team he played for, and I expressed this to the two other gay men I was with. I felt bad for pointing this guy out in front of N, but he talked about the guys in the gym on a regular basis, so I didn’t feel that terrible. We all have terrible gaydar, but I thought our forces combined would be able to work it out. We couldn’t come to agreement, so we sent in the troops. Boston volunteered to walk past him on his way to the bathroom and cup his ass with his hand while he did. We would hypothesize his sexuality based on his reaction.
When Boston returned from the restrooms, he informed us how much of this guys ass he grasped. “I got a serious handful and a long feel. He didn’t budge an inch. I can’t decide what that means!” So, it would still remain a mystery.
The rest of the night was spent drinking a lot more and dancing our asses off. We had a blast. When the closing bell rang, Boston, N and myself walked back to my apartment. We hung out on the balcony for a while until I fell asleep on N’s shoulder. At that point, he tried to carry me to bed, but only woke me up. I walked to my bed while they walked to get slices of pizza. I immediately passed out again as soon as I hit the sheets. I only know N spent the night because he was in my bed the next morning…
Follow @onegayatatimeFinally Taking Boston Out for Steak Dinner
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 2, 2011
News flash: Started a new Twitter feed. Follow me @onegayatatime for up-to-date tweets about my gay dating life…
On with the show…
When the opportunity arose for me to accompany my company’s U.S.A. CEO on a speaking engagement at Boston College, I jumped at it. I would finally get to go visit Boston.
I reached out to him as soon as I heard about the possibility to see if he was available. I made arrangements to spend the night at his apartment if I was able to come up the night before the speech. I asked if I could crash on his couch. He told me how ungodly uncomfortable it was and offered to dust off his air mattress for me.
To be honest, in my head, I was considering the possibility of both options looking slightly old fashioned, and he would offer to share his bed with me. I certainly wasn’t expecting anything sexual to happen, but was not opposed to the idea of cuddling. In the meantime, I met San Francisco, and it became much more evidently clear Boston was not interested in a relationship.
The point of sleeping arrangements became moot when an overnight stay was necessary for me as far as the company was concerned. I booked a hotel room near his apartment and made arrangements to meet him after the speech for dinner. I was finally going to be able to make good on my offer to take him out to dinner, even if it was just as friends.
We met at my hotel and strolled along until we found a suitable restaurant. My CEO suggested Abe and Louie’s, so we ate there. We sat, and the conversation flowed like water downhill. We dove right in and got caught up on each other’s lives since we last saw each other in Miami. We had spoken online and on the phone, but there were more details to discuss.
I told him about the few dates I went on, the guys I was talking to on adam4adam.com, downloading Grindr, etc. He was a little surprised by my embracing of these social media as a way of finding suitable men. He told me about his dates and his love life. The whole time we talked, I was mesmerized by his smile and kept thinking how great his lips would feel again. I had to put the thought out of my head though. We were now good friends, I was interested in San Francisco and another long distance relationship should not be in my plans.
We stayed and chatted until we realized everyone else in the restaurant left. We both would have stayed there for another two hours if we could. When we walked back to my hotel, I probably should have invited him in since we both still wanted to chat longer. However, I had a 4:00am departure for the airport. I also wasn’t sure how he’d react to my inviting him in. Instead, we discussed him coming to New York to visit, we exchanged a nice hug and we went out separate ways.
Now, when I have a story to share with someone or just need to talk, I call Boston. Last time we were on the phone for almost an hour. He’s a great friend and couldn’t be more pleased to have him in my life.
I’m still looking forward to his visit to my neighborhood.
Breaking Up Broadway
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 17, 2011
Just want to start today’s post by reminding everyone it is the International Day Against Homophobia, held on May 17 every year. Keep it in your thoughts today, and every day.
On with the show…
After Florida, it’s pretty clear I was no longer committed to a relationship. I needed to end it. It crushed me to think such thoughts, but my heart was no longer in it.
When I got back, I texted Broadway asking if we could talk. After a short exchange, I wasn’t sure if he could see what was coming. I agonized over how to break the news.
That night, I met him after his show; no overnight bag on my shoulder. We awkwardly hugged and exchanged a peck on the lips. He asked me if I was ok. I said, “Yes,” with a shrug. He asked me what I wanted to talk to him about. This was the moment of truth.
“I feel like we’ve been drifting apart over the past few weeks,” I said.
He responded, “That’s it?”
I said, “No. I just want to hear your thoughts.” After that, I elaborated. I explained my feelings about how he acted during his trip to Barcelona and the previous weeks in general. He silently walked beside me taking it all in. I was so proud of myself for saying how I truly felt. I didn’t sugar coat it.
When I finished, he took his turn. He told me all my points were fair and valid, but I could never be prepared for what came next. He said, “You’re just not a priority in my life right now. I have school and work…”
I felt like someone punched me in the gut. I turned to him and said, “I have to say, that was very hard to hear.” I began to get a little choked up. Until then, I was strong and resolved in breaking up, but that statement tainted out entire relationship together. I wasn’t prepared to hear anything so harsh.
He acknowledged his emotional issues and his inability to call me his boyfriend. He also took the opportunity to unload a lot of issues he’d been holding back for some time. He pointed out my issues with the gay scene. I have never felt comfortable in gay clubs, and he knew this. He went on to tell me how uncomfortable and threatened he felt going to my favorite straight bar in Hobobken.
This was news to me. I defended myself. While not comfortable with the flamboyant gay scene, he never asked me to go. With the right crowd and understanding, I’m sure I could find comfort. I was uncomfortable because it was not familiar to me. He never gave me a chance.
This went back-n-forth. It never turned into a fight. We never fought through the 10 months we were in a relationship. We weren’t about to start now. It was a discussion about our differences. We came to an agreement. Although we were very compatible, we were not meant to be dating.
The conversation turned casual. He showed me pictures on his phone from Barcelona and asked about Florida. The he asked me how drinks with Boston went. After blatantly lying about its innocence, he said, “Well I had to ask. You know how it could look from my perspective.”
I immediately rebuked with, “Well, you have to know how it looks when you buy 2 bottles of lube the day you go away.”
He explained. He bought it for us to use. It was just cheaper than usual. And then added, “But, touché. I could see ho that looks shady.”
After walking around the city talking for an hour, I dropped him at his apt. We kissed and embraced. Finally, I pulled back and said, “Just because we’re not dating doesn’t mean we can’t hang out.”
As I walked to Port Authority, I felt power. Before this night, I don’t know if I would have had the confidence to be a person who set in motion the actions that would end a relationship. I was a new man who was about to fully exercise his new found freedom.
Florida Fun, The Sequel
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 16, 2011
If you’re just joining us, read Friday’s post before continuing…
The next morning, after only 3 hours of sleep, I woke and ran a few miles with D. I gave him the full debrief of what happened after he went to bed. He was very happy I was enjoying the new freedom I was allowing myself.
We got back and relaxed by the pool a bit. I texted Boston asking his plans for the day. He was heading to the beach after grabbing breakfast. Since the girls ate while D and I ran, we joined Boston and his friend for breakfast at The Hotel Breakwater. It was very casual and not awkward, however, I was fighting the beginning of a nasty hangover. Still I soldiered on. We discussed dinner the night before and all the stories that were swapped. Boston’s friend gave us all a new term to use referring to gays. “Pickle.” It was already part of my vernacular and fully utilized during my morning run and the remainder of my Florida trip.
We strolled down to the beach and met up with the girls. I hoped to get a minute to talk to Boston. I felt we should discuss the night before because I didn’t want things to get awkward. I was very attracted to him but also valued his friendship. We never got to chat exclusively. We did, however, have a very candid group conversation with D and his girlfriend about sexual encounters, oral sex, semen, etc. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I love how comfortable and open my friends are — like a breath of fresh air.
When we had to get on the road down to The Keys, we decided to take Boston and his friend to La Sandwicherie on our way out of town. His friend loved us. She asked, “Ok guys. Where’s our next vacation gonna be?”
Finally, the time came to say goodbye. We dropped them off near the hotel, and the best I got was a handshake reaching from the front seat to the back. I wanted at least a hug, but it would have been a full spectacle to get out of the car and do so.
I spent the next three and a half hours in a car with nothing to look at but wide open water. Of course, I texted with Boston the whole time. I was trying to be flirtatious without being overt. It seemed to be working… to an extent. I was having the conversation I wanted to have in person over text. Probably not the best solution.
Once we settled in at The Bahama House in Key West, D and his girlfriend went to the rehearsal dinner of a friend’s wedding. K and I were on our own for dinner. Halfway through, she scolded me to stop texting Boston. I obliged, but was in the middle of expressing to him my relationship with Broadway was over: It was just inconvenient timing to end it before my trip. He was worried that he was the catalyst. I reassured him I was having problems well before I met him, and he knew that.
We met up with the wedding party following dinner. Apparently I wasn’t the only ‘mo associated with this wedding. Everyone told me I needed to meet this great guy. Word to the wise. Not all gay men are compatible just because they are attracted men. While everyone told me we needed to meet, no one actually took the time to introduce us. This is partly my fault because I insisted I get more lubricated before I speak to him, but once I was relatively tipsy, no one made the effort.
The next night D and his girlfriend went to the wedding. K and I found a spot for dinner. At this point I curbed my texting to Boston. D’s girlfriend started texting me about the ‘mo at the wedding. She told me he was anxious to meet and we should meet them when it was over and all go out. When we arrived, he and I were finally introduced. It couldn’t have been more awkward. After a few minutes, he excused himself to go chat with friends. I have to admit, while not interested, my ego was a little bruised.
When the time came to head home, I was trying to coordinate with Boston if we would be traveling along the same route at any point. We were flying out of the same airport and his connection took him through Newark, where I would be landing. I called him to get details and tried to work it out for me to swing by their gate at the airport. Timing never allowed for it.
Days later, Boston and I were skyping. That day, I was psyching myself up to ask him out on a date. I knew it was a dumb idea since we lived in different cities, but I also didn’t see why I shouldn’t give it a shot. After chatting for a bit, he was ready to sign off. My window of opportunity was closing. I asked him if I could take him to dinner sometime. He responded, “Yea. Let me just hop on my private jet.” To which I responded, “There’s no reason why I couldn’t visit Boston some time.”
This was followed by a looonnngggg pause. I could see how uncomfortable the proposition made him. However, he graciously responded, “Sure. I’d be down for that.”
The potential of this was exciting, but certainly more one-sided than I had hoped. After talking with him more, I realized a relationship was never going to happen. At that point, I was able to step back from the situation and realize he was a much better fit for the “friend zone.” I stopped my advances and started talking to him like a true friend, and that’s when I started getting more positive feedback.
When a business trip would land me in Boston, I had the opportunity to make good on my proposition for dinner, but that’s another post for another day.
Freedom in Florida
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 13, 2011
Before ever stepping on a plane to Florida, I told the friends I would be traveling with I was giving myself a hall pass. If Broadway went to Barcelona alone, possibly with a bottle of lube, then I was going to Florida with some new found freedom.
I didn’t break up with him prior to my trip. If you recall from my previous post, he wasn’t my “boyfriend” either. I never heard the phase “I love you” pass his lips. We had been dating for almost 10 months, but I no longer had any indication this was destined for the long term.
I have never been single and gay. I met Broadway, and shortly after, I came out. I needed to give myself the freedom to date. I needed to explore and experience. Is this healthy for a relationship? Was I setting myself up to cheat on the man I was dating for the previous 10 months? Maybe. But was it something I needed to do? Yes. Yes, it was.
Before heading to South Beach, Miami, Boston and I discussed meeting up. When my friend K and I arrived, we checked into Essex House and went down to the beach. I noticed a guy who vaguely resembled Boston. I pointed him out to K, and she said, “Ooooo. Go for it! He’s hot!” But when he walked down to the water with a female companion, the chemistry between them seemed more than just friends. Their body language suggested they were dating. Furthermore, this guy was wearing what I would later come to describe as “straight shorts.”
It wasn’t until I overheard their conversation as they were leaving the beach that I realized it was him. We were texting each other from 10 feet away for over 2 hours and didn’t even realize it.
Later that evening, K and I walked over to the sister hotel for happy hour. The other 2 in our party would be arriving any minute, but we were anxious to start drinking. I texted Boston and told him that if he could find us, I would buy him a drink. He was staying at this sister hotel, The Clevelander. After spotting us, he joined in our happy hour pitchers. Over the course of the next couple of hours, I drank about 4 pitchers. I was truly cutting loose.
Before this trip, I had no plans of attempting anything with Boston. He was just a solid friend. We were going to meet up for a drink or two, but after K made the comment on the beach, the possibility of more was planted in my head.
When my 2 other friends arrived, we discussed dinner plans at The Royal at The Raleigh and extended an invitation to Boston and his friend.
At dinner, I made a bit of a fool of myself. I had quite a bit to drink. When we finished eating, we walked back to the Clevelander for a night cap.
At the bar, I bought a round of beers. Boston tapped the top of my bottle to make it overflow. The only problem was I didn’t have a strong grip on my beer and it shattered on the floor. Minutes later, I retaliated, only to have the same thing repeat again.
After a short while, Boston’s friend went off to bed, shortly followed by my 3 friends. Boston and I were still sitting at the bar chatting when some guy came along interrupting us talking about real estate. Boston turned to me and told me to get rid of him. This was a window of opportunity. I was drunk and Boston is hot. I started getting a bit physical with him, rubbing his leg and petting his neck so the guy would leave. Finally, he got the hint and took off.
After my third trip to the bathroom, I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk. We strolled along the beach and found a comfortable spot to chat. We talked about careers and futures for some time before the authorities chased us. We moved our discussion to a wall at the edge of the sand. At one point, we were both just awkwardly staring at the ocean when I turned and kissed him. He immediately responded, and we proceeded to make out for what could have been a half hour. People passed by making cat calls, but we continued as if no one was there.
Things started to get hot. My hands were up his shirt feeling the chest I admired on the beach earlier that day. Finally, I put my hands down his pants and felt how much he was enjoying it. And he did the same. Me being 6’2″ and him being no taller than 5’6″, I picked him up and leaned back against the wall so I didn’t have to hunch over anymore. I was really enjoying myself. He was a great kisser and the wandering hands on both parties was rather pleasing. At one point, he pulled back and said, “But you have a boyfriend.” This didn’t stop me from going back in. Between kisses, I was able to utter, “He’s not my boyfriend, remember?” He was torn about the issue. He was obviously enjoying himself, but he didn’t want to get in the middle of a relationship.
After a while, I asked if he wanted to go somewhere more private. He pointed out we were both sharing rooms. I noticed the uneasiness on his face. I responded back, “I’m not trying to have sex with you. I’m not that easy. I just don’t want to stand here making out in public…” At this point, I could see his level of comfortability dropped significantly, so we went back to our separate rooms. I sent him a text explaining my enjoyment and my respect for him.
Stay tuned. The remainder of the trip will have to wait ’til Monday’s post.
Broadway Goes to Barcelona
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 11, 2011
Broadway is a huge fan of Kylie Minogue. In fact, that’s an understatement. Shortly after we started seeing each other he reintroduced me to her when he gave me her latest album. While a fan of a few of her songs, I would never venture to one of her concerts.
However, Broadway bought a ticket to see her in concert in Barcelona, Spain. Yes, Barcelona for a concert. He told me about this trip months in advace, but the closer to his departure, the odder I found this excursion. On top of that, we were drifting apart over the weeks leading up to this trip.
Over President’s Day weekend, we ventured to Rhinebeck, NY to stay at the Belvedere Mansion bed and breakfast. We needed to get away from the city bustle. But, for the first time in our relationship, we started getting snippy towards each other. While driving there, we argued about dinner plans. At dinner we didn’t talk much. It was almost awkward. The next day we went for lunch at Gigi Trattoria (amazing pizzas btw). He spent the entire meal taking pictures of me and other things in the restaurant and playing on his iPhone.
When we got back to the room that night, we opened the champagne and strawberries I brought in an attempt to be romantic. I was ill shortly before this trip and wasn’t quite over it, so I was having a hard time feeling romantic. We had our fill and went to bed, arguing about the sheets being tucked or untucked. He made no advances that night. I would have been a sport and tried to ignore my ailment, but the effort wasn’t necessary.
Looking back, I think that night is when I knew it was ending.
The clear sign came in mid-March while he was in Barcelona. The day he was flying out, we spent the morning together. While shopping at Bed Bath & Beyond, he purchased 2 small bottles of lube. We had used this during sex, but I found it strange he would be buying 2 the day before heading to another country… alone.
Before he left, I barely got a kiss from him. We chatted at lunch about the difficulty we would have being an ocean away but knew we would figure it out. And we said goodbye.
When I didn’t get a call from him before he took off, red flags started popping up in my head. I started talking to Boston online about my issues. He pointed out that I was raising a lot more red flags than mere coincidence. But when I received the following message on Facebook, I was livid:
– B
The following is our exchange on Facebook:
— Got your message yesterday. Have to say I was a little disappointed. Felt a bit like a mass message… Especially after not hearing from you since I said goodbye on the street Friday afternoon. (This was on Monday) I don’t doubt it’s tough without a phone. But I was also surprised not to get a call/text from the airport before taking off.
— I don’t know what to say
— Just think it’s a little odd when you’ve been dating someone for almost 10 months not to reach out before you’re about to leave the country for a week by yourself… and then when you finally do 2 days later, it’s just a rundown of what you’ve been doing followed by, “hope you are well.” Not sure if im being melodramatic, but i’m a little hurt to be honest… The content of your message was sterile.
— Yes I understand and maybe Facebook wasn’t the best way to contact you, but I wanted to let you know I was alright. I didn’t mean for it to be, but now that i look at it again you are right. I don’t know what else to say here…
We talked some more, I was very hurt and upset. It wasn’t that he messaged me on Facebook. It was what the message said. We were dating for almost 10 months, and it appeared that meant nothing to him.
I didn’t decide to break up with him immediately following our exchange. I wasn’t about to break up with someone across an ocean, especially when he was traveling alone. It just didn’t seem fair. But we certainly needed to have a discussion upon his return.
The only problem was, the week following Barcelona I was headed to Miami and the Florida Keys for almost a week. The discussion would have to wait…
At the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 