Moving in with a significant other certainly comes with its set of challenges. The key to overcoming these challenges is compromise. That being said, when you have two very strong personalities coming together, compromise is no easy task.
CK and I moved into our apartment the weekend of hurricane Sandy. When we learned of the impending storm, I insisted we stay in Hoboken because it’s attached to the mainland. Manhattan is an island, and I feared being stranded. At least in Hoboken we could get out to my parents’ house or a friend’s place further inland. Furthermore, the majority of contents for our new apartment resided in Hoboken.
Later, I would learn in a sharp twist of irony, CK’s apartment never lost power, Internet, TV, etc., and his neighborhood didn’t flood. And don’t think CK didn’t throw it in my face that he wanted to stay at his place on the 52nd floor.
When the water finally subsided, we needed to begin moving into our new home. It was literally just around the corner from where I was living, but that didn’t matter as we were moving boxes via hand truck past piles of sewage and gasoline soaked trash.
In the middle of moving, three of my friends showed up out of nowhere to help. I was fried from the stress the storm and having to move, so when I saw them all walk through my door, I was moved to tears. I realized then how awesome my friends are. It meant so much to me that they would think to come help unsolicited after having no electricity or running water themselves. I never forgot what they did for me that day, and when I was the first one to get power back, I invited them over to shower, watch TV, surf the Internet, etc. We were so disconnected from the outside world. We had no idea what was actually going on.
After moving as much as possible without the use of a truck, we only left with furniture. My friends drove us to U-Haul to pick up a truck and grab a hot breakfast at McDonald’s on the way. Let me tell you. McDonald’s never tasted so good!
CK and I transported all my furniture from one apartment to the other without the aid of an elevator. When we were finished, the sun was beginning to set, but we needed to head into the city to collect all CK’s belongings. Luckily, we’d packed as much as possible well before the storm hit, so there wasn’t much of that left to do. But, we still didn’t finish until about 1:00 am.
The time finally came to actually begin living in the our home together, and that meant decisions needed to be made. We fought about everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything.
Most of the items in the apartment were mine. I take a lot of pride in my home and invest heavily in the comforts of it. I think CK seriously resented that. He had very little to contribute, and much of it did not fit the space or match in style. There were many objects that were not necessary, but because he had them, he felt the need to find a home for it. Many of these objects, as well as my own, began to develop magic powers, as they would move around on a daily basis “of their own volition.”
One night after work, as we were hanging pictures, we were literally fighting and screaming at each other over inches. I wish I were exaggerating.
The atmosphere in our new home quickly grew toxic. Because of all the stress, our sex lives were nonexistent. There were a few nights we fought so bad, the second bedroom became an asset. Yes. We had a second bedroom. I learned a great lesson from an old roommate of mine. Get a second bedroom so you each have your space. And, if things don’t work out, you don’t BOTH have to move. I’m pretty sure I owe him a few rounds of beers for that little tidbit of advice.
I knew the fighting wouldn’t last forever. I felt we could get back to normal once we were settled and everything was set up, but that wouldn’t happen over night.
I take a majority of the responsibility for the fighting and the lack of inroads made. I am not the best at compromising, and there were a lot of instances where I should have given in or backed down, but I didn’t. Looking back, I actually believe this was when I began to develop and acute ability to manipulate situations to ensure my interests were met above his. Perhaps it’s the Taurus in me (I don’t actually believe this). I am rather stubborn. This living experience has taught me to be far more self-aware of my stubborness moving forward so I don’t make the same mistake.
I knew we just needed to get over the hump. CK wasn’t so optimistic. It was this toxic environment CK attributed as the root of his philandering. “I wasn’t sure what was gonna happen with us. We were fighting about everything,” he remarked.
I should have learned then and there he didn’t have what it took to stick out a monogamous relationship. Literally, the writing (and a few extra nail holes) was on the wall…
Two years ago I said goodbye to you, the readers of this blog to start an adventure with the man you know as Superman or CK. It seemed there was nothing we couldn’t conquer. We were ready to take on the world.
In order to respect his privacy, I agreed to stop writing this blog. I needed to prioritize my relationship over this community because he was incredibly important to me. Many of my readers still reach out to me and request that I do a follow-up piece to give everyone an update. After nearly two years, I’m here to give you what you want. Please be patient as I have far less time to write than I used to…
To start, I’ll have to begin at the end. After just over two years of dating, CK and I parted ways. A lot happened between my last post and the end of our adventure, so let me catch you up on what you’ve missed…
After dating for six months, CK and I moved in together against my friends’ advice and maybe my own better judgment. He had a terrible living situation in New York City, and I was tired of living with my roommates. I was also tired of having to commute to see each other. Moving in would make life so much simpler on top of saving a boat load of money for our future. Little did we know that Hurricane Sandy would also be joining us in our move.
After surviving a natural disaster without killing each other, we barely survived moving in together. We fought EVERY night about things literally as insignificant as inches when hanging pictures on the wall. We were not in a good place, but we eventually got through it.
What I never expected was that CK would take that as an opportunity to explore other options. I’m not exactly sure what it was, but I really began to question my trust in CK. He never fully had it, but alarms were going off in my head.
One night when he was in the shower, I searched through the text messages in his phone. What I found broke my heart and made me feel like my stomach turned inside out. Obviously not my finest moment, as I invaded his privacy, but I can’t say I regret it after finding messages and pictures he was exchanging with another man. I wasn’t sure what to do with the information I learned at the time, so I did nothing.
The following night, he was meeting an old friend in the city after work. I had other plans, so I told him to go without me. He came home rather drunk late that night, and after telling me about his dinner, he tried to have sex with me. I felt sick knowing what I knew. I questioned if this dinner ever even happened. Did he use this as an excuse to see this other guy?
I could only imagine the other guy all over him, and I was so disgusted. I turned him down. He hopped in the shower, and I made the choice to look at his texts again to see if my suspicions were right that things progressed further with this man. I found exactly what I didn’t want to find. All the exchanges led to my conclusion they had sex that night in some way shape or form.
I was crushed. When I started dating CK, I made one request — “Please don’t cheat on me.” I told him about my baggage regarding cheating, and I wasn’t sure I could deal with it again. He betrayed me in the worst way possible. I would never be able to trust him again.
I cried, and my head was spinning. I composed myself, and when he came back out of the shower, I began to ask general questions to see if he would come clean. Question after question, he lied, until I was fed up. I told him we were due for a round of testing. I knew that would send him into a panic, wondering if he was caught. He casually agreed, but I could see the panic in his eyes.
I felt trapped. We had only been living together for two weeks. I wanted out, but I didn’t know how I could end things. I felt embarrassed and crushed and a flurry of emotions I can’t begin to describe. We moved in together way too soon. I didn’t know how I could face my friends and tell them they were all right. My hope and pride got in the way of better judgment.
The next morning, I checked his phone once again. I figured at this point, I’d already crossed that line — No turning back now. I read the message he sent the man he’d been cheating on me with: “You’re clean right? My boyfriend wants us to get tested now.” This message painted to perfect picture in my mind of what transpired between them. I was livid. Not only was he betraying my trust, but he was also gambling with my life.
That night after work, I called him out on the fact that he was cheating on me. In his mind, this came out of left field and there was no way I could know the truth. I gave him every opportunity to come clean, but he never did. He insisted he did NOT cheat on me.
I knew he was lying. I had proof. I told him I knew what was going on. When he asked how I came to this conclusion, I admitted to going through his phone. He turned things around on me, but I wasn’t going to stand for that. I admitted what I did was a breach of trust and apologized, but I wasn’t going to let him make this be about me. He admitted to being inappropriate with this man, but insisted he didn’t cheat on me.
Beyond the betrayal, what hurt even more was that he was willing to risk my life just to get his jollies. He tried to have unprotected sex with me the same night he was having unprotected sex with this stranger. I explained this to him through tears and pain, but it never had the impact I’d hoped it would have.
An entire week went by without me speaking a single word to him. Eventually, he apologized for straying, but I knew I could never trust him again, specifically since he could never admit that he did indeed cheat on me. It would take a year and a half before he finally did not deny cheating on me when accused of it, let alone admitting to it himself.
For years, I told no one about this. I held on to this and tried to bury it down deep. Deep where it would fester and grow until I couldn’t take it anymore.
But this… This is just the beginning…
Curious what’s been going on? Been missing your One Gay At A Time fix? I’m here to give you what you’ve all been asking for. An update is releasing soon!
After almost two years, I have some major news to share with all of you, my devoted readers and any new ones who have stumbled upon my blog over its years of collecting dust.
In April 2011 I began chronicling my life when I came out as a gay 25 year-old man. Since then, I’ve shared some of my most intimate stories with you. Stories about love and heartbreak. Stories about one-night-stands and STDs. I’ve recounted my coming out to my family and friends and so many more.
I began using One Gay At A Time as an outlet to share my feelings. I had no idea it would blossom into an entire community of followers who shared their stories and feelings as well. That has become one of my proudest accomplishments. At its peak, One Gay At A Time drew in over 1,700 visitors in one day. While I was flattered that many people cared about what I had to say, I realized it was simply because others shared such a similar story to mine.
I hope I have been able to help my readers get through their issues knowing they were not alone, but I am no longer able to keep up with the blog. My private life has grown rather busy as you can tell from my lack of posts. I do not think myself so important that readers are still waiting on the edge of their seats after so long. I do however realize I need to be realistic and fair by telling you not to expect posts to continue.
If you are coming to this blog for the first time today, I encourage you to start from the beginning. There is a plethora of content I hope you can learn from, or at the very least, will be entertained by.
I do hope to be able to continue to use this platform in the future when my schedule allows for it, but until then I have to say so long.
I will be checking my emails as usual, so if you’d like to reach out to me directly, I welcome your emails, and I will respond in a timely fashion.
Thank you for your time and dedication.
We all know that red roses are the queen of Valentine’s Day, and chocolate is king. If you read my blog, you know just how much I like chocolate. Although I never heard of them before this weekend, I am thrilled to introduce Sugar and Plumm, the Purveyors of Yumm!
Chef Pichet Ong spoke to our intimate group about the delicious creations they are whipping up. Perhaps best known as a judge on Top Chef: Just Desserts, award-winning corporate pastry Chef Ong is the whimsical creator behind the sweet and savory confections of Sugar and Plumm. He combines the fond flavors of his childhood with modern cooking techniques to create culinary offerings that are seasonal, pure, light, and delightfully experimental, yet nostalgic.
After introducing us to the brand, he was kind enough to treat us to their For The Love of Chocolate gorgeously packaged box of some of their finest chocolate creations. It is an amazing assortment of hand-crafted artisan chocolates with origins from around the world. This box included two white chocolate blueberry and six pure dark Mexican chocolate ganache. However, the pleasant surprises didn’t end there. Hidden below were chocolates with flavors and aromas consisting of raspberry, vanilla, coconut, hazelnut praline, jasmine tea infused ganache, ginger, milk chocolate and pure dark Peruvian. On top of allowing us to sample some of their finest chocolate creations, we were also give a pair of their brightly colored, delicate French macaroons. It was all I could do to keep myself from digging in immediately.
When I untied the ribbon and opened my brightly colored box, I was blown away by the impeccably pristine chocolates before me. They were almost too pretty to eat. Luckily, that would not stop me. What did stop me was the thought of my boyfriend waiting for me at home. There’s something incredibly romantic about fine artisan chocolates that makes it sinful not to share with a loved one.
On our anniversary, the day before Valentine’s day, I told my boyfriend I had a surprise for him. I told him to close his eyes and open his mouth. After a bit of trepidation, he complied, and boy was he glad he did. His face lit up from ear to ear as he savored his first bite of the dark chocolate ganache-filled heart. I sampled the white chocolate blueberry-filled heart. I’d never tasted anything so complex and exquisite. It was heaven. I was reminded of the first time blueberry wine touched my lips, and I had to have more. The combination of blueberry and white chocolate was pure genius. I forced myself to put the box away so I could savor these the little bits of chocolate heaven for a few days; I simply did not want the experience to end!
There was no way I could possibly ignore the fresh macaroons waiting the ultimate demise. Although there were two, I wanted the best of both worlds. As it’s rather impossible to split a macaroon, I simply bit half for myself and passed the other half to my boyfriend. We made long extended moans as we enjoyed these incredible indulgences, and that was just the vanilla macaroon. I repeated our ritual with the strawberry poppy-seed, and the moans of happiness only grew louder. The flavors transported me back to the beach with my parents snacking on strawberry Twizzlers.
It was amazing how incredibly nostalgic Sugar and Plumm’s confectionaries were. How could so much be contained in such a small morsel?
I was shocked to learn that Sugar and Plumm serve breakfast, lunch, dinner, weekend brunch, and every craving in between. I was expecting a purveyor of sweets, but they create works of art from homemade ice cream and macaroons, to house-smoked salmon and Berkshire pulled pork, our team of master chefs, bakers, and chocolatiers are purveyors of all things delicious and delightful. The bake shop even makes everything handmade, from scratch. The only problem you’ll find is deciding what to order (and possibly that top button on your pants).
Although it’s too late to place an order for Valentine’s Day delivery, if you’re looking for that perfect way to show the special person in your life just how much they mean to you, this is a perfect for Valentine’s Day — Or any of the other 364 days of the year. The have gift boxes for every budget and an in-store experience you won’t soon forget! This Upper West Side spot with Parisian charm and a downtown vibe is sure to knock the socks off anyone who enters and will certainly not disappoint!
For more information, visit the on Facebook.
What would Valentine’s Day be without chocolate? Whether you embrace the holiday like the warmth of a fireplace or avoid it like the plague, you have to admit, you will always enjoy those little cocoa bits of heaven. From garish heart-shaped boxes to small delicate boxes to simple pink foil-wrapped factory-processed milk chocolates — We all love chocolate (unless of course you have some rare and exotic chocolate allergy). Chocolate makes everything better, especially when coupled with the right companion.
Move over peanut butter! I’ve found chocolate’s new best friend — Casa Noble’s “El Beso de Luz” Margarita. I can see you now. Your furrowed brow and head tilted to the side. Yes. Chocolate and margaritas. But, not just any chocolate or premixed margaritas. I myself would have never thought to put the two together before Single Edition’s Sweets in New York event, but now I will never think of a margarita again without thinking of chocolate.
No matter how you take ‘em, nothing quite warms a winter night and brightens up the gloom and gray like a margarita. And, we’ve already established chocolate makes everything better. These two powers combined will warm you from the soul on outward, making any day special and unforgettable.
Casa Noble is an ultra premium tequila meticulously crafted from choice blue agave plants. Employing only traditional methods, slow-cooking the rich agave piñas for 38 hours, they use only the agave hearts to extract their sweet nectar. Their fermentation process is 100% natural and is followed by triple distillation, resulting in a tequila so pure and full of agave flavor it has globally elevated the concept of tequila to new heights.
When the “El Beso de Luz” Margarita first passed Carlos Santana’s lips, he likened it to the first time he fell in love, giving the cocktail its name in tribute to his wife, Cindy. Mixing Casa Noble’s tequila with lime, orange, and Licor 43’s hints of citrus, fruit juices, vanilla and aromatic herbs and spices (43 ingredients in all), this mystical concoction is an experience for the senses worthy of Aphrodite herself.
Pairing that with artisanal chocolates from Essence By Chocolate creates a very unique and sublime tasting experience. As if by Cupid’s own hand, pairing these powerhouses of taste in tandem will leave you taking delight in luscious aromas and flavors.
After carefully preparing our cocktail, my boyfriend and I cozied up in front of the fireplace. Starting with a few sips of my margarita, I was blown away by the freshness and lightness. Before the flavors dissipated, I took a generous bite of the first chocolate. I had the pleasure of sampling the Mango, Chile Pepper & Crystal Tequila Infused in Milk and White Chocolate, the Resposado Tequila and Caramel Infused in Dark & Milk Chocolate and the Black Cherry & Anejo Tequila Infused in Dark Chocolate Dome. Alternating sips with bites until we finished, we were making sounds normally reserved for one’s bedroom. We enjoyed the symphony of flavors stimulating every inch of my tongue (And then we mixed a second drink).
This Valentine’s Day, what could be a more appropriate tribute to love than cuddling up with two glasses of this romantic drink and a box of distinctly paired chocolates?
And, should you find yourself not particularly enjoying this lover’s holiday? I think the citrus and vanilla notes, complimented by the knowledge that you’re indulging in one of Mexico’s finest exports will remedy even the sourest of moods. Top that off with some of the finest chocolates I’ve ever tasted, and you’ll be transported to your own personal heaven.
The recipe for the aforementioned cocktail:
“El Beso de Luz” Margarita
2 oz. Casa Noble Crystal
1/2 oz. Licor 43
1 oz. lime juice
1/4 orange squeeze & dropFollow @onegayatatime
Good Things Do Come in Small Packages!
Valentine’s Day will be upon us before we know it. I myself have never celebrated Valentine’s Day. I haven’t much had the chance to be honest. I’ve only ever been in a one relationship that spanned over the “greeting card holiday,” but when that day came, I was traveling domestically for work.
As we close in on V-Day, I thought it would be nice to shine a light on some of NYC’s finest establishments. This weekend I had the pleasure of attending Sweets in the City, an event hosted by Single Edition. Originally planned as a bus tour of some of Big Apple’s most romantic locations, the recent blizzard forced plans to be altered. Instead, Single Edition scrambled to gather all these great NYC treasures in one place.
Certainly when I say cupcakes and New York City in the same breath, most think Magnolia’s. I’m here to change that. The first confectionary I’d like to share with you is Sprinkles Cupcakes. Located near Bloomingdale’s between 60th & 61st streets, this purveyor of pure, delicious, uncomplicated, scratch-based cupcakes has blown me away.
The days of sharing a late-night romantic slice of pie at a diner have gone by the wayside. And, since the cupcake craze hit the scene, I personally (and unsuccessfully) have been trying to supplant it with a pie craze. After my first bite into a Sprinkles cupcake, my struggle ended and I was officially onboard.
Sprinkles has struck the perfect balance of cake and icing ratio. Most cupcake peddlers botch this entirely, forcing me to scrape half-a-pound of icing off my dessert before biting into it. Sprinkles has mastered this art, and made me reevaluate my love-hate relationship with cake’s red-headed stepchild. But enough about my cupcake hang-ups!
I got to sample Sprinkles’ decadent red velvet. Much to my delight, I didn’t have to sink my teeth in to find out what flavor awaited me. They’ve devised a brilliant color-coded system of dots adorning the cupcakes, revealing the flavors hidden within. Although not all flavors are available every day, they’ve developed a calendar telling you when your favorite flavors will be available.
When I got home from the event, I plopped down on the couch for a romantic evening and split the cupcake in half. The portion size was perfect for sharing, although truth be told, it was so sinfully good that my better half nearly missed out on his half. The cake was incredibly moist and scrumptious, the icing was perfection, and my teeth didn’t ache from sugar overload.
On top of their first-class cupcakes, Sprinkles offers great service as well. No matter the occasion, they can accommodate — weddings, parties, gifts for all occasions, last-minute orders, deliveries and more. They’ll even print your logo, monogram or any graphic on a sugar decoration. The pleasant surprises didn’t end there. When discarding evidence of my indulgence, I was also pleased to see my treat was packaged in a tiny, recyclable and aesthetically simple brown box. Who doesn’t love an eco-friendly, green company these days.
Disappointed you can’t experience this decadence because you don’t live in New York City? — Not to worry. They are baking cupcakes specially for you in Chicago, Washington DC, Dallas, Houston, La Jolla, Newport Beach, Palo Alto, Scottsdale and their flagship store in Beverly Hills. You too can find true love in the bottom of a small brown box.
So this Valentine’s Day, show that special someone just how much they mean to you with one of NYC’s true treasures — Sprinkles cupcakes.