The End of an Era

guy-using-laptop-iStock_000011252227XSmall_zps1ec6b795Two years ago I said goodbye to you, the readers of this blog to start an adventure with the man you know as Superman or CK. It seemed there was nothing we couldn’t conquer. We were ready to take on the world.

In order to respect his privacy, I agreed to stop writing this blog. I needed to prioritize my relationship over this community because he was incredibly important to me. Many of my readers still reach out to me and request that I do a follow-up piece to give everyone an update. After nearly two years, I’m here to give you what you want. Please be patient as I have far less time to write than I used to…

To start, I’ll have to begin at the end. After just over two years of dating, CK and I parted ways. A lot happened between my last post and the end of our adventure, so let me catch you up on what you’ve missed…

superman_crying2_zps4ea8512eAfter dating for six months, CK and I moved in together against my friends’ advice and maybe my own better judgment. He had a terrible living situation in New York City, and I was tired of living with my roommates. I was also tired of having to commute to see each other. Moving in would make life so much simpler on top of saving a boat load of money for our future. Little did we know that Hurricane Sandy would also be joining us in our move.

After surviving a natural disaster without killing each other, we barely survived moving in together. We fought EVERY night about things literally as insignificant as inches when hanging pictures on the wall. We were not in a good place, but we eventually got through it.

What I never expected was that CK would take that as an opportunity to explore other options. I’m not exactly sure what it was, but I really began to question my trust in CK. He never fully had it, but alarms were going off in my head.


cell-phone-main_zpsa7242bc0One night when he was in the shower, I searched through the text messages in his phone. What I found broke my heart and made me feel like my stomach turned inside out. Obviously not my finest moment, as I invaded his privacy, but I can’t say I regret it after finding messages and pictures he was exchanging with another man. I wasn’t sure what to do with the information I learned at the time, so I did nothing.

The following night, he was meeting an old friend in the city after work. I had other plans, so I told him to go without me. He came home rather drunk late that night, and after telling me about his dinner, he tried to have sex with me. I felt sick knowing what I knew. I questioned if this dinner ever even happened. Did he use this as an excuse to see this other guy?

I could only imagine the other guy all over him, and I was so disgusted. I turned him down. He hopped in the shower, and I made the choice to look at his texts again to see if my suspicions were right that things progressed further with this man. I found exactly what I didn’t want to find. All the exchanges led to my conclusion they had sex that night in some way shape or form.

479676225_zpsb5d8da17I was crushed. When I started dating CK, I made one request — “Please don’t cheat on me.” I told him about my baggage regarding cheating, and I wasn’t sure I could deal with it again. He betrayed me in the worst way possible. I would never be able to trust him again.

I cried, and my head was spinning. I composed myself, and when he came back out of the shower, I began to ask general questions to see if he would come clean. Question after question, he lied, until I was fed up. I told him we were due for a round of testing. I knew that would send him into a panic, wondering if he was caught. He casually agreed, but I could see the panic in his eyes.

I felt trapped. We had only been living together for two weeks. I wanted out, but I didn’t know how I could end things. I felt embarrassed and crushed and a flurry of emotions I can’t begin to describe. We moved in together way too soon. I didn’t know how I could face my friends and tell them they were all right. My hope and pride got in the way of better judgment.

The next morning, I checked his phone once again. I figured at this point, I’d already crossed that line — No turning back now. I read the message he sent the man he’d been cheating on me with: “You’re clean right? My boyfriend wants us to get tested now.” This message painted to perfect picture in my mind of what transpired between them. I was livid. Not only was he betraying my trust, but he was also gambling with my life.

lies-barrio_zpse1b2e262That night after work, I called him out on the fact that he was cheating on me. In his mind, this came out of left field and there was no way I could know the truth. I gave him every opportunity to come clean, but he never did. He insisted he did NOT cheat on me.

I knew he was lying. I had proof. I told him I knew what was going on. When he asked how I came to this conclusion, I admitted to going through his phone. He turned things around on me, but I wasn’t going to stand for that. I admitted what I did was a breach of trust and apologized, but I wasn’t going to let him make this be about me. He admitted to being inappropriate with this man, but insisted he didn’t cheat on me.

Beyond the betrayal, what hurt even more was that he was willing to risk my life just to get his jollies. He tried to have unprotected sex with me the same night he was having unprotected sex with this stranger. I explained this to him through tears and pain, but it never had the impact I’d hoped it would have.

An entire week went by without me speaking a single word to him. Eventually, he apologized for straying, but I knew I could never trust him again, specifically since he could never admit that he did indeed cheat on me. It would take a year and a half before he finally did not deny cheating on me when accused of it, let alone admitting to it himself.

For years, I told no one about this. I held on to this and tried to bury it down deep. Deep where it would fester and grow until I couldn’t take it anymore.

But this… This is just the beginning…

  1. #1 by ivansblogworld on January 9, 2015 - 10:33 AM

    Sad to read, I have to agree with you on the cheating point. I experienced this with my first relationship, I think I have never fully recovered. Why be in a relationship if you want to still play the field. Take care. Ivan.

  2. #2 by bking84 on January 9, 2015 - 10:45 AM

    I was following your blog for a long time before you dropped off. I was very happy to see an update coming, but very sad to have read it. Back at the time I was dealing with my own relationship issues, which me and my partner overcame until about two weeks ago. Just know you’re not alone, you’re not the first nor last person to be betrayed. From what I can tell you’re an amazing person with a lot of amazing qualities. Chin up!

  3. #3 by Stuart on January 9, 2015 - 11:21 AM

    Oh dude…good to see you back, but I’m so sorry about what happened :-/ someone as reckless and dishonest as that doesn’t deserve you. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if my bf ever did anything like that to me :-/

  4. #4 by ChrisVigilante on January 9, 2015 - 7:47 PM

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you are able to find someone that deserves your trust.

  5. #5 by Mike on January 12, 2015 - 10:38 PM

    What is wrong with people? As if cheating isn’t bad enough (it is) putting someone else’s life in danger is just unbelievable. I cannot even understand putting your own life in danger let alone someone you supposedly love.

    I came to your blog much later and have been binge reading the whole thing. It is amazing and I am so addicted. I still have a bit to go but couldn’t wait anymore to get to your new post. Now I feel sick to my stomach and wish I would have waited. I won’t give you advice because I don’t really know you (even though I feel like I know you better than some of my own friends at this point) other than to say everyone isn’t like this.

    I think its a part of being young and finding these things out. Finding where to meet honest people who really care about you. I am hoping you have a group of good friends to take care of you and I am hoping some of them are gay by now. In the “gay life” some of your gay friends can be closer to you than any family member. It comes with the territory and mine have gotten me through some really tough times.

    • #6 by One Gay at a Time on January 13, 2015 - 9:05 AM

      I’m convinced that with some people, cheating is inherent… They just don’t have it in them to settle down. I have an amazing group of friends. Mainly straight, but a few gay. Stay tuned to hear how I dealt with all of this and everything that came my way…

  6. #7 by Clean Cut on January 26, 2015 - 8:44 PM

    I hope the upcoming storm will give you some need to pump out a new blog post!

  7. #8 by nick on February 6, 2015 - 1:57 PM

    Glad to see the blogs are back! I’ve been reading your ups and down since the beginning and was sad to see you dissapear, though understandably.
    Every gay guy has experienced infidelity, it is the gay world after all…(unfortunately) What hurts most is the lies and deceat IMHO. I’m looking forward to hearing how you battle through, and wish I had friends like yours!
    Ps you blog too slow! Lol.

    • #9 by One Gay at a Time on February 7, 2015 - 10:05 AM

      I’m doing my best to find time to write, but I take it as a compliment nonetheless. haha

  8. #10 by Troy Aussie on May 9, 2015 - 1:09 AM

    ive just came across your blog today and i hope your in a much better place in your life now and when you finally meet your soul mate life together will be utter bliss… good luck 🙂

  9. #12 by odiaed on June 9, 2015 - 3:53 PM

    Wow. I really like how you honestly told us about your relationship and how infidelity issues really destroyed your relationship. You took us into your relationship and openly expressed how you felt when you snooped around and saw that your boyfriend was cheating on you. And how it was difficult for you to ask him. But you had to. And you had to ask him if he was clean to test him to see if he would falter. He still lied about his infidelity and that really rocked your relationship. I learnt so much from this. I guess it’s hard for some not to stray away but it’s important to own up to it for the relationship to keep growing. But you did a fantastic job expressing your feelings and your voice. I liked the whole piece and best of luck.

    • #13 by One Gay at a Time on December 29, 2015 - 7:32 PM

      Sorry for the delayed response, but thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. It means the world to me.

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