Posts Tagged fish

This is Just the Beginning

The morning after my friend’s wedding, CK and I woke up in bliss. We started talking in hypotheticals about our own wedding. I’d never given any thought to my wedding since coming to terms with my homosexuality. I never had this great picture in my mind. It always just seemed like this big dream I’d never attain. But, now that I had CK, it was growing in possibility. I still didn’t imagine our picture-perfect wedding, but I did picture myself spending the rest of my life with him. I could see us old and gray together sitting on rockers on the front porch or going for our evening constitutional after a nice meal we shared at home on the sun deck.

Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. This isn’t exactly how I woke up. Before all this marriage talk, I awoke to warming, wet sensation in my groin. He continue this while I slowly woke and writhed with pleasure. I reached down and grabbed the back of his head while it bobbed up and down. Eventually, I grabbed hold of his hair and directed his head up to meet mine so I could kiss him. What a way to wake up. We continued fooling around in bed until we both finished.

I have had quite a few men in my life. Some of these men I’d dated for quite some time. CK was the first man to figure out how to make me finish every time. All that remained of my former embarrassing “condition” was barely an echo of a thought in the back of my brain. CK had often times mentioned to me how stupid my previous love interests were for letting me go. It was then I realized Broadway let me go when the sex started to deteriorate. Sex was a large part of our relationship, and when I found it difficult to finish, he lost interest in me. It made me question the relationship as a whole. Was the whole thing based on sex? Did he simply keep me around cause I was good in the sack? None of my previous relationships have instilled any bit of confidence in me, so I thought it better to not think about them anymore. I had something new and magical to concentrate my brain power on — There was no need to live in the past.

CK made me finish by manually stimulating my prostate. His magic touch is what kept our sex life alive and strong. By relieving this burden, I was able to concentrate more on other things, and I was able to relax. As a result, we had an incredibly healthy sex life. However, this comes with a price. No one likes to talk about it, but anal play can be awkward. Although I’d learned to relax, I was very self-conscious about things. I tell you this because I want to ease your fears about this. It gets messy. There are no two ways about it. There are ways to reduce this, and I highly recommend learning them. But, in the end, you both realize it’s no big deal and move on. I’m not saying this time was messy, but over the time I’d been dating CK, we both became comfortable with dealing with any situation that arose. There’s nothing a strategically placed small towel and a little soap and water can’t remedy.

When we finished in bed, we hopped in the shower and began to fool around more. We didn’t have sex because water is an awful lubricant! We washed each other from head to toe, making sure not to miss any of the nooks or crannies.

Afterwards, it was time for breakfast. I was being healthy, so I had yogurt. I’d decided to begin a new diet (and by diet I simply mean I was paying attention to what went into my face hole). I taught him how simple it was to make French toast, so he had that for breakfast. He was fascinated to learn how easy it was to make and enjoyed it even more knowing he made it.

I had made plans for us for the day to head to a friend’s for a barbecue. I made the mistake of assuming since we were in my neighborhood, I was responsible for entertaining us. We talked and decided to take the motorcycle out for a ride before we did anything. It was only when I mentioned we’d be dropping off food at my friend, D and K’s apartment that he learned about the barbecue. He wasn’t mad about it, but he didn’t appreciate not being consulted before plans were set. I apologized for being inconsiderate. I knew I was in the wrong and felt bad about it, but all was well.

We planned to film the motorcycle ride with CK’s iPhone similar to what we did on the bikes in Central Park, but it didn’t exactly work as planned. We rigged a contraption to record the ride, but the angle of the camera was toward the road. We’ll have to make a second attempt and post the video here when we get it down pat.

When we finished our ride, we went back to D and K’s apartment. There was a fun crew gathering, and I introduced CK to a few newbies he’d never met before. We spent the afternoon eating and having fun. The conversation was bustling between everyone, but the time came for us to head out. CK asked if we could go. He wanted me all to himself. I didn’t argue because I thought it was incredibly sweet of him. I was also happy to learn he liked all my friends and enjoyed seeing how well he fit in.

We went home and cuddled in my bed while watching a few more episodes of Game of Thrones. I made us fish for dinner, and when we finished, we made our way back into the city to spend the night.

While walking back to his apartment, he commented how he enjoyed taking the publicly more submissive role, cradling his hand in the crook of my arm. Being a guy who likes to protect and cuddle my man, I enjoyed being the more dominant role. We really fit well together, in every sense of a relationship. It’s as if we were meant for each other. When we finally got back to his place, we relaxed in bed with some Rachel Maddow. I was exhausted after a long weekend, so I didn’t last long before I dozed off cradling the man I love.

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Leavin’ On a Jetplane

Another Monday. Another day at work. My staycation was officially over. Another day periodically checking Grindr.

I spent my vacation getting myself back. The only problem was I only repaired the physical me, not the mental and emotional me. I wasn’t on Grindr all day long, but I would periodically check it to see if anyone had messaged me. I was simply a Grindr fish. No longer would I be a fisherman.

I had a dermatologist appointment in the middle of the day. While walking to my appointment, I fired up Grindr. I was curious to see if anyone was scoping me out. I was also in a new neighborhood. I was hoping to find something new and unexpected. In the short window it took me to walk about twenty blocks, I’d managed to strike up a conversation with three different guys. All seemed to be quite level-headed. I told them all I was looking for dates, and all of them seemed excited at the prospect. It was difficult trying to keep three conversations going at the same time. I told them I was walking into my appointment and asked each of them for their phone numbers. I managed to pick up a lawyer, an actor and someone who worked for a magazine rating cruise ships. I asked each of them for their pictures to add to my roster and went to see my doctor about lightening up a scar.

When my appointment was over, I thought I’d make my walk seem shorter by checking messages on Grindr once again. A guy near my office was on and started messaging me. He seemed pretty hot and well fit. He was staying at a hotel near me and was anxious to give head. I told myself not to even continue the conversation, but once again, I found myself thinking with the wrong head. I entertained the idea and asked him what he was proposing specifically. He told me he had to catch a flight in a short while, but wanted some fun before leaving New York. I immediately knew which hotel he was staying at and his occupation. “You’re a flight attendant staying at the Radisson, aren’t you?” I asked. “Yea. How did you know?” he replied. “Not the first one I’ve talked to at that hotel. You guys love that hotel, and you guys love Grindr. So what exactly are you looking for?” I texted.

He asked me to come to his room. He would leave the door ajar. I would walk in, he would tear off my pants and just begin orally pleasuring me. I wouldn’t have to touch him or do anything to him. He just really wanted to blow someone. I knew better, but I still bit anyway. I figured, “What’s the harm?” Work had no idea how long my appointment would last, and it was a slow day at the office. I decided to take a detour, but I basically had to run to his apartment. Thank God I have long legs to get me there. He was anxious because his checkout was very soon.

He was very worried about STDs and HIV. I assured him I was clean. I also asked if I would be allowed to play with his manhood if I chose to. He enthusiastically said yes.

I arrived at his hotel in time for an afternoon tryst. I hopped in the elevator and made my way to his room. I’d been here before. This wasn’t my first b.j. from a flight attendant at the Radisson. I really needed to stop making that a habit, but at the time, I was excited to get off in the middle of the afternoon. I arrived at his room, and the door was left ajar.

Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. I walked in and said hi. He immediately began lifting my shirt and sucking on my nipples. I lifted my shirt off, and he undid my pants. Just then, he turned to me and asked, “You’re really clean right?” I assured him I was. “You can never been too sure,” he added.

He began pleasuring me. After a few minutes, I made my way to the bed and laid back. I wanted to fully enjoy him. It wasn’t too long before he worked his magic, and I was able to conjure up exciting mental images. I shot in his mouth and all over his face and chest. He spit on my chest and began working on himself. Seconds later, he shot all over my leg. “Let me grab you a towel,” he said immediately. I wasn’t moving. I was quite anxious to get both of “us” off me.

I cleaned up and began to exchange small-talk with him. He was Austrian and was headed home that evening shortly after I would be departing his room. I needed to get back to the office, and he needed to finish getting ready for work. He told me how much he enjoyed himself, and with that, I made my way out the door.

Shamelessly, I had a smile from ear to ear. I was still high from the endorphins. It felt amazing. I was ashamed and proud in the same moment. I still knew I was broken inside and needed to stop having these trysts with strangers, but I was also enjoying my sexual liberation. Somewhere, there had to be a happy medium. It was up to me to find it…

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