Circle of Friends

After telling my sister and my parents I was gay, everyone else was going to be a piece of cake.

This wasn’t going to be some sort of event. I wasn’t about to fling open the closet doors and pronounce, “I’m here! And I’m queer!”

I was going to tell friends on an individual basis. When the timing was right, I opened up to them with the hope they would accept me for who I am.

Sometimes, I invited friends (individually) for dinner or drinks. It was nice catching up with them, and when I mustered the courage, I explained to them that I was seeing a guy in the city and things were progressing very well. Some of them knew of my budding relationship, but he was under the guise of a woman, not a man.

Over time, I eventually told all of my closest friends I was gay. Everyone was very accepting. I was worried about telling my roommates. My male roommate got very quiet. He just moved into my apt, and I was afraid I put him in an awkward situation. But, after a heart-to-heart, I realized he was more than cool with it. In fact, he begged me to let him take me to gay clubs.

I was particularly nervous telling one friend. Our friendship got off to a rocky start, but eventually we were able to get past the petty bickering. We had a really great friendship, but we never dug into the personal stuff. It just wasn’t something we shared often. I had a strong feeling he would be accepting of my lifestyle, but I was still worried he would start to get awkward around me.

He was home recovering after surgery, and I thought this was an opportune time to stop by to offer any assistance and my news. I sat in his room for an hour watching TV and talking about random b.s. Finally, I told him about my man in the city. The news was a bit of a shock to him, not because he was under the impression I was straight, but for the fact that I felt comfortable enough to share this part of my life with him.

Later while we were on vacation, we had a falling out after he shared my secret with someone he just met. I was furious at him for betraying my trust. After he refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing or apologize, I stopped speaking to him for the remainder of the trip and the week following. Things were very uncomfortable. When he finally came to me to apologize, we had a very adult conversation about the whole issue.

He said something to me that I will never forget (made me realize I was a large part of the problem). He said, “You have to understand. I don’t see you as my gay friend. You are a friend who happens to be gay.”

Of course, I couldn’t be mad at him after that. Regardless of this fight, our friendship grew since I shared my news with him. His comment made me realize I can’t burden my friends with my secret just so I don’t have to bear the load myself. No one else is going to be comfortable accepting of my homosexuality until I was.

From that moment on, I fully accepted who I was and was no longer ashamed of being a gay man.

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  1. #1 by Daisy Sassypants on April 29, 2011 - 6:34 PM

    I think it’s great that after your fight, your relationship with your friend grew and became more solid. Also, I’m glad you realize there is no reason to be ashamed. Just reasons to be proud, comfortable with yourself, and happy! Also, your pecs are very hot.

  1. Alumni Weekend « One Gay at a Time

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