Posts Tagged relationship
Circle of Friends
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 29, 2011
After telling my sister and my parents I was gay, everyone else was going to be a piece of cake.
This wasn’t going to be some sort of event. I wasn’t about to fling open the closet doors and pronounce, “I’m here! And I’m queer!”
I was going to tell friends on an individual basis. When the timing was right, I opened up to them with the hope they would accept me for who I am.
Sometimes, I invited friends (individually) for dinner or drinks. It was nice catching up with them, and when I mustered the courage, I explained to them that I was seeing a guy in the city and things were progressing very well. Some of them knew of my budding relationship, but he was under the guise of a woman, not a man.
Over time, I eventually told all of my closest friends I was gay. Everyone was very accepting. I was worried about telling my roommates. My male roommate got very quiet. He just moved into my apt, and I was afraid I put him in an awkward situation. But, after a heart-to-heart, I realized he was more than cool with it. In fact, he begged me to let him take me to gay clubs.
I was particularly nervous telling one friend. Our friendship got off to a rocky start, but eventually we were able to get past the petty bickering. We had a really great friendship, but we never dug into the personal stuff. It just wasn’t something we shared often. I had a strong feeling he would be accepting of my lifestyle, but I was still worried he would start to get awkward around me.
He was home recovering after surgery, and I thought this was an opportune time to stop by to offer any assistance and my news. I sat in his room for an hour watching TV and talking about random b.s. Finally, I told him about my man in the city. The news was a bit of a shock to him, not because he was under the impression I was straight, but for the fact that I felt comfortable enough to share this part of my life with him.
Later while we were on vacation, we had a falling out after he shared my secret with someone he just met. I was furious at him for betraying my trust. After he refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing or apologize, I stopped speaking to him for the remainder of the trip and the week following. Things were very uncomfortable. When he finally came to me to apologize, we had a very adult conversation about the whole issue.
He said something to me that I will never forget (made me realize I was a large part of the problem). He said, “You have to understand. I don’t see you as my gay friend. You are a friend who happens to be gay.”
Of course, I couldn’t be mad at him after that. Regardless of this fight, our friendship grew since I shared my news with him. His comment made me realize I can’t burden my friends with my secret just so I don’t have to bear the load myself. No one else is going to be comfortable accepting of my homosexuality until I was.
From that moment on, I fully accepted who I was and was no longer ashamed of being a gay man.
Roller-Coasters, Waterslides and Homophobes…
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 28, 2011
Talon
About 2 months into dating the Broadway dancer, I came up with a brilliant date idea.
Of course, since his schedule only allowed for Mondays off, I took a Monday off and borrowed a friend’s car.
We were going to DORNEY PARK & WILD WATER KINGDOM!
He spent the night before at my place so we could leave early in the morning. However, this did not happen.
At the time (and still do), I had a penchant for morning sex. Since we started sleeping together, I always woke up horny, which rarely worked in my favor because he was not a morning person. I would have to coax it out of him for about 15-20 minutes before he’d finally come to life.
I also had another internal dilemma. My friend’s car needed to be moved for street sweeping that morning. The choice was sex or a $45 fine.
Of course I chose the sex. Yup. This would be the first time I paid for sex… (Hopefully the last)
After we finally got a move on, he was very sweet the whole ride out there. He was holding my hand and giving me kisses at stops. I had only told him where we were going the night before so he could dress accordingly. Up until then I told him I was kidnapping him for the day.
We grabbed lunch and went into the amusement park hitting up all the great roller-coasters.
About half way through the day, we came across a pavilion where a dance show is performed. The show was scheduled to begin in a half hour, and he really wanted to see some bad dancers. We grabbed a bite and a bench and waited for the show to start.
At the start, it was obvious there were a few ‘mos in this dance troop. About half way through, there was an audience participation element. Two of the girls came out into the audience and immediately walked up to us. I wasn’t paying attention, looking off into space, but when I turned back, luckily he was shaking his head no… There was no way in hell that I was walkin’ up on that stage to put on some straw hat and hold a banjo. They soon found two little girls who were more than thrilled to replace us. You know those guys were backstage picking us out of the crowd specifically.
Later that day, we hit up the water park. Now, we’re in the middle of Pennsylvania at this point. This park was like the website peopleofwalmart.com. Not the most tolerant and accepting of locales to the gays. But we managed to make do. We found moments passing through a cave or under a waterfall to make out for a hot second in “private.” I was starting to come out of my shell and learned to care a lot less about other people watching our PDA in public.
All-in-all, the day was pretty spectacular. We had to dart home because he had a birthday dinner to attend. I drove like a madman in a taxi cab (only in a Ford Explorer instead) up the streets of NY so he could quickly shower, change and return him back downtown to the dinner.
To this day he still talks about how great of a date choice it was…
The Case of the Mysterious Toothbrush
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on April 25, 2011
4th of July arrived one month after I met the Broadway dancer. For the first time in years, I had no plans.
I knew I wanted to stick around to see the Macy’s fireworks since they were on the Hudson River again.
I asked him what his plans were. He was going to have friends over to see the fireworks since he lived in Hell’s Kitchen on a high floor and would have a great view of the fireworks.
I began hinting that I would love to join in the fun, but wasn’t about to invite myself.
After many phone conversations, saying, “I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet,” and “No plans as of now,” he never got the hint. He asked me what I was doing, but never extended an invite.
This was strange. I felt like he was purposely keeping me from something. Not sure if he wasn’t ready for me to meet his friends… But, we weren’t “dating” yet. We’d been seeing each other a month. I wasn’t going to force it. I was doing a very good job of relaxing and just seeing where things went. Every day became more and more comfortable.
In the end I had a bunch of people over at my apt to grill and went on the neighbor’s rooftop to watch the fireworks. It was a really great night, but I wished I spent it with him.
After that weekend, I spent a night in his apt. While climbing into bed, I noticed condoms under the bed that had not previously been there. It raised a red flag in my head, but it wasn’t a used condom wrapper, so I didn’t overreact. In fact, I didn’t react at all. I was very proud of myself.
The next morning we were both in the bathroom about to brush our teeth. He pulled a toothbrush out of the cabinet and said, “Here’s your toothbrush.”
I looked at him with a look of shock and utter confusion until I was conscious enough to utter, “I never left a toothbrush here.”
He blushed awkwardly, and I could see him searching his head for a recovery, only to say, “Well this is awkward.”
I was a little blown away and a little worried. Was this guy some kind of player? Is that why I wasn’t invited to the fireworks? What kind of other fireworks were going on that night?
But again, I gained my composure and told myself that we hadn’t discussed exclusivity yet. I tried to just forget it.
To this day, I still don’t know the full story about the mysterious toothbrush. I brought it up casually 9 months later, but still never got a straight answer…
At the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 