Posts Tagged gay sex
Cup of Sugar, Neighbor?
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 24, 2011
At this point in my dating life, online dating site, adam4adam.com and phone app, Grindr have produced fairly decent results. Sure, a lot of them were flakes, but the ones who made it to a first dates were all fairly decent guys.
One day, I messaged North Carolina to ask him how Grindr was working out for him. He told me about a few dates he went on. In turn, he asked if I had any positive dates from the app, and I told him about my encounters. He then asked if I had spoken to a particular guy, one of his coworkers, who happened to live in Hoboken. I checked my list, and in fact, I had been chatting with him for some time.
I took the opportunity to message the individual and tell him I knew one of his coworkers. He wasn’t too happy. He’s not “out” and was annoyed North Carolina was talking about his sexuality to other people he’d never met. When I explained he did it to set us up, things calmed down a bit.
We began chatting more and came to find we were neighbors. But, not just neighbors in the same hood. He lived across the street.
We attempted to find time to grab a drink, but he was always at the gym or I was in the pool. It never seemed to work out. Finally, on a random Friday, I texted him late in the evening while making dinner with my sister to see if he had plans. He was entertaining the idea of going into the city to meet a guy at Boxers. But, when I suggested we grab a drink locally, he was all over it.
He waited for me outside my building, and we walked a few blocks to a local bar. We both ragged on each other for taking long to get ready. He also took the opportunity to poke fun at my flip flops, all the while wearing men’s U.G.G.s. Who even knew they made U.G.G.s for men?!
We grabbed a high top near the bar and drank vodka sodas and Guinness all night. I learned how new he was to the gay world. We were both very fresh, and we swapped coming out stories. There wasn’t a single moment during the date that felt uncomfortable. He was perfect. Not only that, he had a smile that could melt granite. His dimples made me swoon, and his eyes when he smiled made me giddy.
We talked about Grindr and the guys we knew in common. He informed me others asked him about me. This was intriguing and surprising to me. First off, it’s an ego boost, but secondly, why would a guy talk to dudes about other Grindr dudes? Isn’t that your competition?
The time came for us to close our tabs and go home. He was ecstatic because his tab was so low. He thought it was beacuse he had a temporary debit card and the bartender made a mistake, but in reality, the other drinks were on my tab. I allowed him enjoy thinking he made out.
When we got back to my place, I asked if he wanted to come upstairs. He hesitated for half a second, but accepted the offer nonetheless.
Once we got upstairs, we started making out on the couch. He said, “I’ve wanted to do that all night!”
I proclaimed, “Me too!” Things started to heat up, and our hands were exploring each other’s bodies. He suggested we move to my bedroom, but my roommate was still awake with her light on in her room right next to mine. After a short period, I noticed the light was out and was confident she was asleep, so we moved things to the bedroom. We fooled around and finally dozed off.
The next morning, I awoke especially horny. I woke him up by arousing him, until we were both fully enjoying ourselves. At one point, I was grinding against his backside when he suggested I get a condom. I obliged and we began to have sex. I could tell he wasn’t used to this, and it was short lived. This is the one big regret I have from our encounter. I think he found himself in a situation that pushed the boundaries of his comfort zone, and he gave into the moment. While he “asked for it,” I feel we took things too fast too early. I really liked him! A lot! I wanted to do things right by him.
After we showered, he got dressed and went home. I thought about him a majority of the next day. I had other prospects in the queue, but this one had boyfriend potential. So, I took what I learned from my relationship with Broadway, and I applied it to the current situation. I wasn’t going to rush things, and I wasn’t going to try to define or label it either. I would patiently await whatever was going to happen next.
Follow @onegayatatimeSick Day Training Session
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 23, 2011
Every once in a while, work gets the best of us, and it becomes necessary to take a mental health day. My friends can all attest, I take my fair share of these.
One specific mental health day, I woke up feeling particularly horny. The idea of having the apartment all to myself all day long sent my mind spinning. From my bed, I pulled up Grindr and began messaging all the hot men on there.
One in particular had a gorgeous body. I messaged him and asked him for a face picture. He obliged, and we began to chat back-n-forth. He was absolutely stunning. He also sent along numerous other pictures that drove me wild!
I told him I had the place to myself, and he needed to get his ass over to my apartment. It took a lot of convincing, only because he had a full day planned for himself. He didn’t exactly live nearby and had no means of personal transportation either. On top of that, he is also a personal trainer and had an interview and training sessions later in the day. I convinced him to come by for a romp over his lunch break, and I told him I would cook lunch for us both. His only request was I also supply wine.
At 1:00, he arrived at my door. He was incredibly sexy and wearing workout gear. We sat and chatted a bit over a bottle of wine. He is from the Dominican Republic and had a thick accent, which I found adorable and sexy all in one. He was still learning English, but he had an impressive grasp on the language.
After some chatting and wine, he walked over to me, grabbed me by the waste, pulled me in and planted a big kiss on me. We moved things to the bedroom where it really started heating up. He took his clothes off and I laid on the bed admiring the god that stood before me. His body was incredible — ripped and tight. I told him how impressive his body was, and it was then I learned he was also a model [See picture at right… Yea… That’s him… No joke!].
He hopped into bed, and I went at him like a fat kid deprived of cake. I explored every inch of his body. It was spectacular. We had sex for about an hour. It takes me a while to finish most times, but he was begging for it. I was surprised how passionate and open he was the entire time. He was constantly concerned with my pleasure. By the time we were done, we were both dripping with sweat. It was the best sex of my life! The passion we both brought into the bed was intense.
He hopped into the shower while I checked on our lunch on the grill. When he was finished, I hopped in. Finally, we sat and ate lunch on my kitchen counter. He told me all about his situation and how he came to live in America. He was unemployed but also the hungriest person I’ve ever seen looking for a job. He was working do hard, just to find work.
When we finished, we talked about meeting again sometime. He continuously commented on how my passion was such a turn-on for him. I saw the same passion in him as well.
When he left, I gave him a long kiss goodbye. We’ve continued to text each other, but haven’t found the time to be together again. At one point, he was dancing (go-go style) at the only gay bar in my city. I tried to make an appearance but had to work late that night. It’s also been hard to meet again because he went to LA for three weeks for a special trainer certification. I think of him often. I daydream of the day I get to experience that hot body once again…
Follow @onegayatatimeWandering Eyes
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 21, 2011
Now that I have a fair amount of dates under my belt, I feel comfortable meeting more men without much prescreening. Normally, I try to qualify them by talking a fair amount before meeting in person. Now, it’s worth it to save this conversation for a first date.
I came across a very attractive 25 y.o. on adam4adam.com. His profile was far from substantial. Play safe only. HIV neg and STD free — looking for same. His name also had nsa (no strings attached) in it. This is not the arrangement I seek out, but at this point, I was having fun and not asking too many questions.
We exchanged a few messages over a decent time span. The conversation actually died to the point I messaged, “Hey there. Haven’t heard from you for some time. If I’m barking up the wrong tree, let me know.”
He responded with continued interest, and shortly after, I said, “I hope I’m not being too forward, but I’d love to meet up for a drink sometime. Toss me your number if you’re interested.” I got his number and set a date. We agreed to pick a location the following day as the workday was ending.
I texted him the day of the date to make sure we were still on. Nearly an hour passed. Just when I had about given up on him as yet another flake, he responded. He told me to meet him at 7:00. I purposely left my office late to arrive fashionably late. That would have gone well, except he showed up for the date a half hour late.
I waited for him at a high top in the dive bar he chose, Whiskey River. When he arrived, he apologized for being late and grabbed a beer at the bar. The conversation started slow, but picked up quickly once we got comfortable. I asked him why he agreed to go on a date with me. He said, “Because you asked me out for a drink. It was a nice change from all the guys looking for hookups.” When I asked him what he did, he told me he was unemployed and unleashed a story like I’ve never heard before.
He was born in Israel. After he served his military term for one year, he decided he wanted to explore the U.S. for 6 months. He left behind a boyfriend of about a year (a very complicated relationship). He ended up staying in NY working as a waiter. When a woman heavily flirted with him, he informed her he was gay. She introduced him to her other gay friend, and they all became close. So close, he and the woman married (took me a few minutes to realize for immigration purposes). This woman had fallen in love with him, but he realized this too late. They had a big falling out, and he moved out on his own.
That’s when he met a new man. They were dating for about a month when this man decided to take him to his Connecticut house. My date was expecting to be visiting a cottage, when in reality it was a mansion. This man was a millionaire 10 years his senior.
The whole time my date was telling me this story, he looked past me. His eye contact was unnerving. He periodically glanced back to me, but spent a majority of the date looking elsewhere.
So Wandering Eyes went on to tell me this man asked him to move to California with him for the winter. This was his typical schedule, and he wanted Wandering Eyes to come. W.E. left his job managing a hotel and his friends and moved to California.
He lived the life of a kept man. They even discussed marriage. He drove a Porsche, wore Armani suits, was waited on hand and foot by servants and went to galas, award shows and benefits, all the while not working. The millionaire was also very possessive over him. He read his emails and checked his phone periodically. W.E. had nothing to hide, so he allowed this behavior. He started to get bored with his new lifestyle and missed his NY friends,. He decided to plan a trip back east for a week.
Upon his return, the millionaire was acting very different and suspicious. When the opportunity for W.E. to read through the millionaire’s emails arose, he jumped on it. He discovered that while he was in NY, the millionaire had an affair with another man and even took pictures of the two of them in the bed he shared with W.E.
W.E. decided he wanted nothing to do with this situation moved back to New York. The millionaire did everything in his power to get him to stay, even asking for them both to have action on the side, and they would just stay together. No dice. W.E. was gone.
In the meantime, the woman he married was interested in marrying a new man and filed for divorce. W.E. came back to New York jobless, divorced, newly single and homeless (the millionaire allowed him to live in his Manhattan apt until he got back on his feet). I wanted to walk around the table and give him the biggest hug. My heart bled for him.
I learned so much about him from that story. His character ran deep. His friends told him he was crazy for giving up the lifestyle he had, but he was still able to recognize his own unhappiness and moved on.
We chatted for about 3 hours before we walked to a Starbucks for a coffee. There we talked about movies and one of his interests, comic book heroes. We discussed our favorites and why.
The time came for me to go home, so I walked him to his subway stop. He had the most beautiful eyes and lips. I had been staring at them all night. A majority of the night, all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss them. However, when the time came, I lost my nerve. I hoped he would make a move, but he didn’t. We hugged goodbye and talked about a second date.
On my way home, I texted, “Hey. Prob supposed to wait til tomorrow to msg you, but not my style… Really enjoyed meeting you tonight. Can tell deep down you’re a really great guy… And you’re even hotter in person… I’d really love to see you again some time if you feel the same… P.S. I’m really awkward with goodbyes… Sorry… Felt like such a sh*t when I walked away…”
He responded, “No worries. I probably would’ve kissed you if you didn’t walk away… So maybe it’s not a bad thing that you did…”
This is very confusing. How would it be a good things I walked away without a kiss? “Of course it’s a bad thing! Wanted nothing more than for you to kiss me ;),” was my response.
His next text was much more reassuring; “Well… Guess we’ll know better next time.”
I told him I was happy to hear there would be a next time. Sadly, there never would be. We tried, but plans never seemed to work out. Things fizzled out, and we haven’t been in touch since…
Follow @onegayatatimeGay Terminology
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 20, 2011
When I was single and “straight,” I used to think about how gay men would react to me when I came out. I kinda always knew I’d be a catch. Now, it’s a little out of control. I have been propositioned by sooo many men on Grindr and adam4adam.com. I’m not tooting my own horn here. I recognize the quality of men admiring me. And, quantity does not make up for the lack of quality.
Many of the messages I receive are easily understood, such as:
Would you let a dude lick ur feet for cash? $200 U come in, we watch porn, I lick and massage ur feet. I jack off… U sit back and relax. No other touching… and also…
Wanna come over and breed me?… A bunch of guys are gonna take turns with me. Want in?… (After some time passed with no response from me) Guy who was gonna host can’t anymore. Wanna breed me?
Some take it even further to illustrate their point.
Let me show you what’s gonna happen… (Picture of his massive black dick) U gonna need stitches!
Some of the messages and profiles I see are not so easily deciphered. Things like, looking for? Looking for what? Does this mean what am I into? Are you asking me if I’m looking for a hookup or a relationship? Just ask the question you want an answer to. I’m already in the dark about so much in the gay culture. Code and cryptic messages aren’t helping!
This is where you come in. I’m enlisting the help of everyone who reads my blog/tweets to compile a gay dictionary. I’m new to this game, so things like “M4M” confuse me. I know it means man for man, but when you’re on a gay app, why would you feel the need to say that? Did you mean something else? Obviously, I need someone to help me decode the lingo.
What’s a power-bottom, and how is it different from a regular bottom? I’m so lost!
I tried doing my own research for many of the terms I’ve come across, but this was an overwhelming task.
So I’m asking you to think about the gay terms you see or use and define them in the comments for me. Thanks!
Follow @onegayatatimeThe Repeat Offender
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 17, 2011
It’s amazing what the power of suggestion can do to you. All it takes is for someone to put an idea in your head, and you are rendered incapacitated. It can consume you and become all you think about. This power was wielded over me by who other than the 40 y.o.
Following my birthday weekend, I reserved Sunday night to sit my single ass on the couch and catch up on the DVR. I was all but finished watching everything I taped the week before when I got a a text message from the 40 y.o. “Recover from your birthday present? Want another bj?”
That’s all it took. The seed was planted. My mind raced back to the last time he came by, and all I could think about was how good it felt. I told him to come by my apartment. When he asked if I could come to his place, I became a little uneasy. I wasn’t sure about not being on my home turf. He wanted to host because he was doing laundry and packing for a business trip the next day and he “figured I’d take a break to blow you. lol.”
I explained to him I felt more comfortable in my own setting. To which he responded, “Understand. It’ll just have to be a raincheck then. I’ll be back in a few days.”
That’s where he had me. I lost the upper hand, and he knew it. I would either have to come to him, or I would have to wait for the blowjob that was just planted into my brain.
I tried my hand at being clever to lure him to my apartment. “Put a load in… Then I’ll put a load in, and you’ll be back just in time to switch it over. You know you want to.”
My tricks didn’t work. “I have to be smart. I have to be up for an early train. Guess I’ll have to watch porn and spank it.”
We sparred back-and-forth with our words, both trying to convince the other to come to them. Just when I had him convinced to make the 7 block trek to my apartment, one of my roommates came home. I was so close, and yet so far away. With that, I finally agreed to go to his place. He lives in the same building as one of my friends, and I needed to drop something off at her apartment.
When I arrived, he gave me a hug. He proceeded to show me around his apartment, the whole time playing with himself in his gym shorts. Finally he pulled me into his bedroom and sat me down on the bed. He pulled my shorts down just enough so he could get working on me. I took his shirt off and began to play with his nipples. We were both enjoying ourselves. He pulled off his shorts and sat naked on the hardwood. His member was BIG just as I remembered from the first time, however, he never got fully erect. I remembered this from our first encounter and how worried I was it would happen to me at the age of 40.
Then he did something that both shocked and disgusted me. He pulled out a small bottle, untwisted the cap, held it to his nose and heavily snorted in each nostril. I don’t have a lot of experience with drugs, so I wasn’t fully aware of what was going on.
I didn’t really want to look at him anymore. I told him to come up on the bed so I could lay back. He disagreed and said he wanted to stay on the floor. I complied.
It wasn’t much longer before my whole body was tingling, and I was ready to finish. I let him know how close I was by the volume of my moaning. He pulled me in deeper and took everything I had to give. When I was depleted, he commented, “Wow, that was a lot!”
I responded with the only thing I could think of. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you…”
He walked into his bathroom to rinse his mouth as I got dressed. When he came back into the bedroom, he pulled on his shorts and shirt and said, “I’ll walk out with you. I need to take the dog for a walk.”
As we walked down the stairs, we discussed the noise level of his neighbors. I began to wonder about his noise level. That’s when the thought crossed my mind, how many of “us” are there in his roster?
We got outside, and I said goodbye to both him and the dog. On that walk home, I was still feeling euphoric from the bj, but I also decided this was the last time I would have a sexual encounter with the 40 y.o. It was fun, but there were too many things about the whole situation that made me uncomfortable.
After that, he began stalking me on Grindr — heavily. After some time, I blocked him so he could no longer track my whereabouts. For a little while, I would respond to his text messages, but as of late, I’ve taken to simply ignoring him. I’m dreading the day I run into him on the street.
Follow @onegayatatimeBirthday Pop-In
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 16, 2011
My “Birthday Weekend” status in Grindr was producing an exorbitant amount of hits. Men were throwing themselves at me left and right for no other reason than the fact that I provided them material for an opening line. Almost every message was “want a birthday blowjob?” or “how bout some birthday sex?”
After my encounter with the 40 y.o., I couldn’t tell if I was excited or scared. It awakened something deep inside me. I craved the promiscuity of these random encounters. I wanted more. On the flip-side, they scared the hell out of me. I had no idea who I was meeting or what they could do to me.
The Saturday following my birthday, I went back to my favorite bar with my friends. I was on the hunt. It was my birthday, I was single, and I was horny. Grindr was my best friend all night. I didn’t stop checking it.
One guy in particular was very persistent with his messages. We exchanged a few messages back-n-forth throughout the night. He wanted to meet somewhere. When I told him I was going home for the night, he was insistent upon coming over. We could not meet at his place because his roommates didn’t know he was gay, and he was very worried whether or not my roommates were home. I assuaged his fears, explaining they were both already sleeping in bed.
Since it began to rain, he insisted I meet him half way and walk back to my apt together. This was beginning to become more work than it was worth. Finally, I convinced him to come to my door and text when he arrived. Yes, I gave him my phone number. I’m slowly learning I need to be much more contentious about giving that out.
I had seen his picture on Grindr, but when I walked down to the front door of my apartment building, I was shocked at what I saw. This is going to sound very shallow, but I’m just being honest. He was fat. And, I don’t mean husky or chubby. I can deal with that. He was F-A-T fat. I’m sorry if this offends people, but it’s just not my type. I take very good care of my body, and I am attracted to men who do the same. I was immediately turned off, but I’m not the kind of guy who just slams the door on someone who walked through the rain to come “pleasure” me.
When I opened the door, he quickly but quietly came rushing in. He looked panicked, like his parents just walked in on him having sex. When he explained why he was in a rush, I couldn’t help but notice how flamboyant he was. There was no way in hell his roommates didn’t know he was gay. It was written all over his body language. We walked up the stairs to my apartment, quietly opened the door and crept in silently. Silently until he allowed the metal door to slam behind him. Now, he looked like he was ready to sprint back down the stairs. After the 40 y.o., this felt like old hat. I wasn’t nervous at all.
We walked back to my bedroom and closed the door. I have never seen anyone strip down so fast in my life. I began to do the same, at which point he decided to help me along. He was sprinting, when sex is meant to be a long distance run at the least.
We started with the heavy petting. He felt like ziplocs full of pudding. On top of that, he was all over. He never stayed in one place for more than a second. I was so confused. I felt like I was going through a car wash. After some making out, heavy petting, oral pleasure and grinding, he turned onto his back and began masturbating. In my confusion and lack of a better idea, I did the same. He finished rather quickly, and I got him a towel. He started to rubbing me all over again. If anything it was a major distraction, not help. He asked if I was going to finish. At this point, I was so fed up with him I replied, “No. It’s going to take me longer.”
Much to my dismay, but also my pleasure, he responded, “Ok, well I’m gonna go. I have to get back before my roommates notice I am gone.”
As quickly as he removed the, he put his clothes back on, put on his shoes and quickly shuffled down the hall and out the door.
To date, this was the worst “hook up” I have ever participated in. To top it off, he continued to text me over the next few weeks. And if the whole situation wasn’t awkward enough, I found myself standing next to him and his friend on the PATH train one day. I kept my head buried in my newspaper and darted out the door the second they opened. To this day, I still get offended every time he texts, but I have yet to respond to a single one.
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A Special Birthday Present
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 15, 2011
Warning: This post gets a little graphic towards the end…
Thursday, for my birthday, I went to my favorite watering hole, McSwiggans, where I know the entire staff, and they take good care of me. And boy did they take care of me! As did my friends. Each and every one of my friends bought me a shot, on top of the free beers the bartenders were handed me. Needless to say, I was successfully inebriated by the end of the night, even though the plan was to have just a few drinks at the bar with friends and celebrate on Saturday.
The next morning I woke up. Still drunk. I stumbled to work, counting in my head how many shots I could remember from the night before. While walking, one of the guys from Grindr asked me how my night went. I explained (surprised I could remember it all), and told him how miserable I was. This particular Grindr and I had chatted before on adam4adam.com. I found him interesting and mildly attractive, until I found out he is 40 years old, well beyond my age comfort zone.
The night before, I change my Grindr profile to reflect this special occasion. I don’t exactly know what I was hoping to accomplish by adding “Birthday Weekend” to my profile, but it certainly produced results. Many people took the opportunity to wish me a happy birthday. Some even went as far as to offer me their services as a gift…
I made a decision the next day, Friday morning, not to go out that night. I was going to need to recuperate if I hoped to have a successful Saturday birthday celebration.
That night when I got home from work, the 40 y.o. messaged me again on Grindr. He was a bit of a stalker, always commenting on my location and whereabouts. When he asked me what I was doing for the night, I told him I was sitting home alone on my couch catching up on my DVR.
That’s when he propositioned me with a birthday blowjob. I sat and debated his offer for quite some time. This kind of interaction was totally out of character for me. I’ve never had the random hookup. Part of the idea scared the crap out of me, while the other part thrilled me.
After our exchanges back-and-forth for some time, he managed to convince me this was a good idea. He lived only a few blocks away, my roommates weren’t home, and I wouldn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to. This was a present for me for my birthday. I sheepishly agreed. We exchanged phone numbers, and I gave him my address. On his way over to my apartment, I texted him pre-apologizing for my awkwardness when he arrived. Again, this was not something I had ever done before, so I had no idea how to act or what to do.
When he arrived, I awkwardly introduced myself. I had no idea what I was doing, so I gave him a tour of my apartment. After we chatted, he made a move to kiss me, and suggested we go into the bedroom.
Once in there, he sat me on the bed, pulled my shorts down and went to town orally pleasing me. I laid back and enjoyed my gift. After some time passed, he told me he wanted me inside him. I was very horny, and in the heat of the moment, I agreed. I was smart enough to grab a condom (won’t make that mistake twice), and we went at it. When I was close to finishing, he ripped the condom off and starting blowing me until I finished in his mouth. It felt AMAZING!
At that point, the fun was over. We were both very sweaty, and while he went into the bathroom to clean up, I took the opportunity to towel off and get dressed. When he came back into my bedroom, he got dressed and said to me, “See. That wasn’t so awkward. Was it?” I just replied with a laugh and a smile.
And with that, I walked him to the door and said goodbye. And, with that, he was gone.
I felt amazing, mainly because of the thrill of the risk of the whole situation, and I just got off. But, emotionally, I felt guilty and dirty. I had never used another human being in such a way. This was something new and foreign to me. I needed to purge the guilt and the self-judgement, so I immediately went back to my room, showered, and went to bed.
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Breaking San Francisco’s Heart
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 14, 2011
After San Francisco’s visit, I realized we were not compatible. He had quite a few skeletons in his closet. And, it wasn’t the skeletons that bothered me most. What bothered me most was the feeling he was hiding all these secrets. So many past relationships with such a diverse crowd of men much older than I, drug use, some cross-dressing, etc. We come from different worlds, on top of the fact that he lived on the other side of the country.
After playing it cool for a week, I decided to end it, or at least find a way to morph it into a friendship. I spent the week being slightly less available to his phone calls, instant messages, etc. I was doing all the cowardly things I preach against. If I were a real man, I would have told him while he was still in New York, before he went home. Apparently, I need to grow a pair before I tell everyone else to.
Furthermore, I decided to clue him in on my feelings with a text message. I’m such a coward. I wasn’t about to “break up” with him over text, but I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone and say it all out loud. Pretending like everything was okay was really getting to me. I don’t do the charades very well. Especially after spending 26 years in the closet. Life’s too short to pretend anymore. So, I sent the following textwhile walking through the mall with my friend:
Hey. I think we need to talk about things. I had a really great time with you out there and when you came to visit, but I just don’t think I’m cut out for the distance thing. I ended my last relationship because I never got to see him, and it appears I’ve gotten myself into the same situation… It’s really been wearing on me over the past few weeks. You are the biggest sweetheat I’ve ever met! You deserve someone you can be with… I have no regrets and hope that you will still want to be a part of my life as a very special friend I cherish forever… I hope you understand!
I didn’t tell him it was because of all of the hidden facets of his life I discovered when he came to visit. I didn’t think it was necessary. The distance thing had already gotten to me before he even stepped foot on a plane. That was the root of the issue. The others were just what made me step into action on ending whatever it is we had.
He responded, I felt like something was up. Can you talk now?
I replied back, I figured you would… I can’t now… Out with friends, but we can talk later…
He took the opportunity to respond with his feelings and sentiments:
I understand. I always say people come into our lives for a reason… You have taught me how good it feels to love regardless of age, distance, and future. Love knows nothing, except how happy one can be. I took a chance to open my heart and have no regrets. Boo, I know distance did not change how happy you made me every time I was with you, texting, skyping or just thinking of you. We both deserve someone to be with, and I hope you find somoene who will always cherish every minute with you as much as I did. A hui ho, 😉 (Hawaiin for until we meet again).
I told him he is the sweetest man I have ever met in my life and apologized if I hurt him. To which he responded, You have a piece of my heart, and I have a piece of yours, so we will always be connected. And will cherish your friendship. Let’s talk later.
We did speak later on the phone. He understood where I was coming from, and he agreed on many points.
We still talk to each other periodically. For a while, it was still uncomfortable because he sent me messages telling me he missed me. Now, he’ll message me to ask what I have planned for the weekend or to ask how my day’s going. We’ve talked about dates we’ve gone on with other people as well. Recently, he had to find a new roommate. Turns out the new roommate’s name is the same as mine, which is not very common. I guess it’s safe to say I’ve officially been replaced.
We will forever be friends, and I do cherish his friendship. And, maybe, one day our paths will cross again…
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Lunch on Broadway
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 13, 2011
Broadway and I have been civil since our breakup. Periodically, he messages me, mainly after he reads a misconstrued or particularly positive Facebook status update. He always messages me to make sure everything is okay or to congratulate me. It’s very nice to know he still cares enough about me to reach out with concern/praise.
When he asked me to find time for the two of us to meet up, I graciously agreed. Over two months had passed. And, it had been a while since we fully caught up with each other’s lives, and I hadn’t seen him since we broke up (with the exception of his profile on adam4adam.com and Grindr). A little part of me missed him too.
I really enjoyed the lunch I had from Cosi when I met “The Wild Card” in Bryant park, so I suggested we do that. We met in front of Cosi. He warned me on the phone beforehand he injured his ankle and was wearing a boot. When he hobbled up to me, I couldn’t help but smile. It truly was good to see him. The feelings of a relationship did not come rushing back. I didn’t miss him like an ex. I missed him like a friend who moved away and I hadn’t seen in a while. We kissed each other on the lips and gave each other a hug.
I have seen so many gay men kiss their friends on the lips, especially when San Francisco came to visit, and I have always felt slightly uneasy about it. I could not put myself in that position. I have just a few gay friends, and we do not greet each other in this way. I also don’t kiss my female friends in this way when we greet each other. I don’t know if all the men I’ve seen were in previous relationships with each other, or that’s just a gay culture norm. But, it felt right to kiss Broadway on the lips. We’d done it so many times before, not doing it would feel strange.
After our hug and peck, we went in to Cosi. Broadway and I have a bit of history with Cosi. We’d eaten there many times, and he even used to work at one when he first moved to NYC from California. It felt a bit like old times, but once again, not like we were simply picking back up where we left off. We got our food, and we made our way into the park to find a table to sit and chat. I helped him get settled in since he was slightly immobilized.
He immediately started with, “So, what’s new?”
I began to tell him about work, and how things were goingin my life. I avoided discussing the dates I had gone on, as well as the fact that I was on a4a.
I asked about what was new in his life. He told me about his new roommate situation and how the dynamic between his friends deteriorated. He told me about how he was possibly pitching a pilot to the L.O.G.O. Network from one of his college courses. He told me how he injured his foot, and what that meant as far as his show was concerned. He always joked about wanting to get injured in the summer so he could live on Fire Island during his recovery. I said, “Well, you got what you always wanted!” All in all, he seemed very happy with life.
As the conversation progressed, I could tell he was pressing to see if I was dating anyone. I decided to tell him about San Francisco, especially since I was beginning to have serious doubts about any possibility of us continuing our relationship anyway. After I told him about all those doubts, I could see it in his face. He looked at me with this “get out now” look. And, it wasn’t a jealous look. It was a “just lookin’ out for ya” kind of exchange.
We both finished our sandwich/salad, and it was time for me to head back to work. My hour was up. As we began to leave the park, I realized how easygoing our lunch date was. I was slightly worried early on it might be awkward but not the case. The conversation flowed smoothly, and I don’t think anyone got their feelings hurt. It was good progress.
I expressed my pleasure with the lunch, and I suggested we do it again and more often. We obviously got along well and enjoyed each other’s company. There is no reason why we shouldn’t spend more time together. I expressed this sentiment, and he agreed happily. And, with that, we head our separate ways.
That reminds me. I think I owe him a phone call…
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Dumping HR
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on June 10, 2011
I had two good dates with HR. There were no fireworks, but after our make-out session at Industry, there could be a connection there.
After closer examination, I came to the realization we weren’t a good fit for each other. We had a lot of common interests, but there was nothing about him that made me yearn for more.
I had to bite the bullet and tell him. Because I was having a busy week, I kept putting off the call. It was awkward, and any excuse I could muster to not call was a good one.
Finally, I got to the point where I realized I was dragging this out far too long. I decided to just text him and explain the situation. I was worried he would be offended I was telling him this over text since he was a classy guy, but I thought it was better than putting it off any longer.
“Hey man. I know I owe you a text or a call. I’m not the type to just fall off the face of the earth… You’re a really nice guy, and I had fun, but I just don’t think you’re what I’m looking for right now. Sorry! I hope you understand…”
I was out with friends for trivia at a local bar in Hoboken when I sent the text. As soon as I sent it, I felt a burden lift and began to enjoy my night out.
While I ate my dinner, I got a reply from HR.
“No worries. Thanks for letting me know. I had fun too, but agree we’re not a match. Best of luck to you in everything.”
I turned to my friends with a smile on my face and said, “See! Why can’t they all be this easy!” showing them the text on my phone. They all laughed because they could sympathize with the uncomfortable situation. They’d all been there before at some point.
Every date I go on teaches me something new. I’m glad I went out with HR, but I’m also glad I could realize when a relationship wouldn’t have legs to stand on. I’m also proud of myself for having the confidence to realize there are other guys out there who may be a much better fit for me.
And with that, I was back out in the dating pool.
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At the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 