Posts Tagged Bed and breakfast
Playing It Cool
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on November 21, 2011
My weekend with Smiles was a decent one. I’m not self-destructive, nor do I get in my own way enough to think it was a failure or a bad weekend. Any time I spendt with him was progress, and it made me happy. But, I left the weekend feeling a little uneasy. I was denied twice in two days. Did he not find me attractive? Was he just thinking of me as a friend? Not knowing where I stood was eating away at me.
It’s obvious he was interested in me. But, it was his level of interest that worried me. We were in the beginnings of a budding relationship, or so I hoped. Things were supposed to be carefree and fun. The heavy stuff comes later. We should have been having sex like rabbits and dying to see each other.
I felt like I was constantly chasing after him. I got no indication he was interested in chasing me. But, maybe I wasn’t giving him the opportunity. Maybe I got so excited about him, I was constantly initiating our time together, and if given the chance, he would be asking me out on dates.
On Monday evening I texted him to see if I could spice things up with a little getaway. “Hey. What would you say to getting out of the city for a weekend?… Celebrate your birthday, just the 2 of us… Something totally low-key and relaxing like New Paltz, NY. Gorgeous this time of year too and not that far…” I thought if we hit up a bed and breakfast, we could find the time to get wrapped up in each other with no other distractions.
A big part of me thought this was a giant leap forward, and I was moving too soon, but another part of me noticed a little bit of stagnation. Things were getting a little stale. Maybe I needed to intervene to get us to that happy-go-lucky mindset.
Just as I expected, he safely replied, “Hmmm that sounds like fun, can I think on that one for a min? I’d want to be able to give you my full attention and I think with [work] this weekend, the [possibility of a new prospective work project] starting and the over two jobs with a bit of clock on them, I might not be totally present. Which wouldn’t be fair.”
I was right. Too soon, too fast. I didn’t want to cower and backtrack. I had to play it cool. “Certainly. Wasn’t exactly talking about this weekend. Was more thinking 3+ weekend out. Just wanted to throw it out on your radar,” I replied. I wasn’t lying. I was really just planning in advance.
He got my drift. I soon got a text back: “Ah. Ok. Sleep well. I’m crashing early tonight for a change.”
I decided to take some advice from friends and play a little hard to get. I stopped texting or calling. The next point of contact was going to be initiated by him. It killed me. I wanted to text so bad. I never went anywhere without my phone, waiting for him to text or call.
Tuesday went by without a word. I was in a bad place. I started having doubts about the whole thing. We were only a couple of weeks in, and he already grew tired of me. These weren’t good signs, and I started to really get down about it.
I decided, I wasn’t going to put myself back out there completely, but I was going to continue to put my ear to the ground to see what was going on out there. I started answering my messaged on OKCupid and chatting with a few guys. It was nothing crossing the line, but in a way, I was laying some groundwork if Smiles decided he was done with me.
Finally, on Wednesday, he texted me to ask me how my day was going. The exchange went back and forth a bit before simmering out. I was thrilled — Back on top. I recognized how happy I was, but I also recognized how dependent I am on others for my own happiness. This is an issue. I really need to learn to be more independent. It’s not healthy to need other people to that extent.
In our exchange, he invited me to come with him to a bar to watch a friend’s band the following night. I reminded him I had volleyball on Thursdays and couldn’t go. I really wanted to go, but another part of me was happy I had to turn him down. I have a tendency to drop everything for men I’m interested in. I needed to show I was independent as well.
Thursday went by, and we didn’t talk to each other during the day. On my way to volleyball, I texted him: “Thinkin’ bout you 🙂 .” He responded, “Good luck at your game!” It was nice he remembered I had a game. He was showing a vested interest in my life, which is always a good sign.
After volleyball, we texted a bit. He told me about how he didn’t get the project he was counting on for work. I knew it meant a lot to him, so I tried to console him as best I could. I knew he would be depressed for a few days as a result because he was really looking forward to it. I called him, and we spoke on the phone. I also took the opportunity to ask if I would get to see him Friday night.
Since he asked me to watch the band with him, I was satisfied he wanted to spend time with me, and I knew it wasn’t simply me chasing him down.
He had plans to go to a friend’s birthday party Friday night and talked about us going together as if we planned this long ago, and it was assumed I would be attending with him.
It appeared things were back on the upswing, at least emotionally for me. The question remained. Would we continue moving up, or was it only a matter of time before things started sinking again?…
Follow @onegayatatimeBroadway Goes to Barcelona
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 11, 2011
Broadway is a huge fan of Kylie Minogue. In fact, that’s an understatement. Shortly after we started seeing each other he reintroduced me to her when he gave me her latest album. While a fan of a few of her songs, I would never venture to one of her concerts.
However, Broadway bought a ticket to see her in concert in Barcelona, Spain. Yes, Barcelona for a concert. He told me about this trip months in advace, but the closer to his departure, the odder I found this excursion. On top of that, we were drifting apart over the weeks leading up to this trip.
Over President’s Day weekend, we ventured to Rhinebeck, NY to stay at the Belvedere Mansion bed and breakfast. We needed to get away from the city bustle. But, for the first time in our relationship, we started getting snippy towards each other. While driving there, we argued about dinner plans. At dinner we didn’t talk much. It was almost awkward. The next day we went for lunch at Gigi Trattoria (amazing pizzas btw). He spent the entire meal taking pictures of me and other things in the restaurant and playing on his iPhone.
When we got back to the room that night, we opened the champagne and strawberries I brought in an attempt to be romantic. I was ill shortly before this trip and wasn’t quite over it, so I was having a hard time feeling romantic. We had our fill and went to bed, arguing about the sheets being tucked or untucked. He made no advances that night. I would have been a sport and tried to ignore my ailment, but the effort wasn’t necessary.
Looking back, I think that night is when I knew it was ending.
The clear sign came in mid-March while he was in Barcelona. The day he was flying out, we spent the morning together. While shopping at Bed Bath & Beyond, he purchased 2 small bottles of lube. We had used this during sex, but I found it strange he would be buying 2 the day before heading to another country… alone.
Before he left, I barely got a kiss from him. We chatted at lunch about the difficulty we would have being an ocean away but knew we would figure it out. And we said goodbye.
When I didn’t get a call from him before he took off, red flags started popping up in my head. I started talking to Boston online about my issues. He pointed out that I was raising a lot more red flags than mere coincidence. But when I received the following message on Facebook, I was livid:
– B
The following is our exchange on Facebook:
— Got your message yesterday. Have to say I was a little disappointed. Felt a bit like a mass message… Especially after not hearing from you since I said goodbye on the street Friday afternoon. (This was on Monday) I don’t doubt it’s tough without a phone. But I was also surprised not to get a call/text from the airport before taking off.
— I don’t know what to say
— Just think it’s a little odd when you’ve been dating someone for almost 10 months not to reach out before you’re about to leave the country for a week by yourself… and then when you finally do 2 days later, it’s just a rundown of what you’ve been doing followed by, “hope you are well.” Not sure if im being melodramatic, but i’m a little hurt to be honest… The content of your message was sterile.
— Yes I understand and maybe Facebook wasn’t the best way to contact you, but I wanted to let you know I was alright. I didn’t mean for it to be, but now that i look at it again you are right. I don’t know what else to say here…
We talked some more, I was very hurt and upset. It wasn’t that he messaged me on Facebook. It was what the message said. We were dating for almost 10 months, and it appeared that meant nothing to him.
I didn’t decide to break up with him immediately following our exchange. I wasn’t about to break up with someone across an ocean, especially when he was traveling alone. It just didn’t seem fair. But we certainly needed to have a discussion upon his return.
The only problem was, the week following Barcelona I was headed to Miami and the Florida Keys for almost a week. The discussion would have to wait…
Over-Serviced at a Bn’B
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on May 4, 2011
When Broadway suggested we get away for a weekend, I was thrilled. He had a place in mind from the get-go — a bed and breakfast in New Hope, Pennsylvania. I grew up in PA and never heard of the town. It’s a quaint little gay-friendly town nestled on the banks of the Delaware River in the outskirts of Philly. I highly recommend checking it out, especially in the fall or around Christmas.
Until then, I had never stayed at a bn’b or had any burning desire to stay at one (nor did I ever have a companion). However, the idea of getting away for a few days with him sounded amazing! Our relationship was really taking shape, and I couldn’t have been happier with where things were going.
One crisp fall Monday afternoon, I borrowed a friend’s car, and we drove out to the country. For the next 2 days, it was going to be just the two of us. No distractions. I wasn’t even sure if I would have cell phone service.
We arrived at The Mansion Inn and checked in to our room. The manager of this establishment was nothing like what I would expect from a bn’b. He was a very handsome, muscular, masculine man who looked more like a wrestling coach than the manager of an inn.
The room we booked was located outside the main house. We decided a little more privacy would be ideal, so we booked the upstairs room of the carriage house. We were both hungry, so we dropped our bags and began exploring the small town.
We arrived around 3:00, and the town was pretty much shut down. Everywhere we went, we struck out. The kitchens were switching over to the dinner menu. So we meandered around, popping into shops and boutiques and taking pictures on/with a few of the local statues (one of which is a very large dinosaur).
Finally, we came across a pizzeria where we got something to hold us over until dinner. We took our food back to our room to eat in front of the fireplace. You’d be surprised, but pizza on the floor with pillows and a roaring fire can be very romantic. We enjoyed our food, but more importantly, we were really enjoying each other’s company.
Things got so romantic that we moved to the bed. We didn’t take the time to get into the bed as clothes were being flung off. Just after the heavy action ended and we were lying there naked. Him on top of me, I heard a noise at the door. I pick my head up and look over his shoulder to see the housekeeper keying into the door and turning the knob. I was so surprised that when I opened my mouth, nothing came out until the door opened. We both shouted “HELLO!” just as she picked her head up to catch a full glimpse of his bare ass. She quickly shouted back, “I’m so sorry,” and turned to run back down the stairs. We both just looked at each other and laughed hysterically; joking about how it was good she didn’t come in a few moments earlier or we could have asked her to join in.
The Landing Restaurant tucked away on the banks of the Delaware
After that, we showered and went out to dinner at The Landing. We had a very good meal paired with a nice bottle of wine and the sweetest waitress who offered to take a picture of the two of us.
We decided to go back to the bn’b for desert and to use our 2 free drink tickets before heading to bed. The manager was there playing bartender and gave us suggestions for desert. We got 3 and shared them.
We were not embarrassed by the events that took place earlier, but we were very curious how the bn’b would handle the situation. The housekeeper was walking around cleaning things up at the bar, never once making eye contact with either of us.
Finally the manager came over to us and offered 2 more free drinks tickets. “We have 2 other guests coming in late tonight who won’t be able to use their tickets. You’re more than welcome to use them if you like.”
I was a little annoyed because we knew why they were really giving us the tickets. I didn’t appreciate the elaborate story. Acknowledgement of the accident would have been more than ample.
After we finished our desert, we walked back to our room holding hands, slipped off our clothes and hopped into bed for the night.
The next morning we went for brunch and got back on the road to NY. This trip, to date, is the most romantic thing I’ve ever done with anyone, and I will remember it forever.
At the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
It took me 26 years to realize this and come to terms with it, but coming out's been the best decision of my life.
This blog is about my dating life in NYC and what happens next...
One Gay at a Time 