Waste-a-Date

The time came for me to start going through the roster at a better pace. I was going to meet these guys for dates and slowly widdle the list down to a quality few. I started with the guys I’d been talking to the longest and worked my way up from there. I knew their patience was probably waning, so I figured it best to start there.

One specific torso had been talking to me for weeks. He was very busy when we first started chatting with a move to a new apartment. We chatted sporadically but never seemed to nail down plans.

I messaged him on Grindr and asked if he was available to go out that week. Surprisingly, he was available that Wednesday. We made plans to grab a drink after work and take it from there. He seemed like a really nice guy and was eager to meet me. His torso shot on Grindr also proved he had a great body!

I started off that Wednesday on the wrong foot. I left the house in the morning and got half way to the PATH before I realized I forgot a belt. It was going to be a long day of me constantly pulling up my pants. Not a good day.

When work ended, I decided to walk up to the neighborhood in which we were going to meet. It was about 20 blocks and 3 avenues — nothing I wouldn’t normally walk. However, it was much more uncomfortable without a belt to keep my pants up.

We met in front of his apartment. He came down and was dressed in what I describe as spunky gay — tight striped tank top and tight straight-leg shorts. I already knew he was not going to be my type. On top of the fact that he was about 5′ 6″ to my 6′ 2″. I wasn’t going to completely write him off, but it wasn’t looking promising.

We chatted while we walked to Therapy, a bar around the corner where we could grab a drink. He had a thick hispanic accent, and at times, it was difficult to understand him. This was going to be a long date. On second thought, this was going to be the shortest date ever!

We sat upstairs at a table and ordered a round of drinks. We had NOTHING in common. We went to completely different bars, we were into very different things, and he said he doesn’t really go out much. We couldn’t have been more polar opposites. The date was very awkward and uncomfortable, and I couldn’t wait to get out of there. He asked what I had planned for later. I told him my roommates and I make dinner for each other every Wednesday, and they would be very upset with me if I skipped. This was a complete lie, but it was my out to leave after we finished the first round of drinks.

I excused myself to go to the restroom. I felt like I wasted my evening on this wet noodle of a man, so I wanted to see if I could salvage the night. I texted the next guy in my Grindr roster to see what he was up to. I couldn’t wait for a response, so I told him I’d be up for hanging out if he was around. I walked back up to the table and asked my “date” if he was ready to go. I paid the tab, and we walked down the stairs. I complained about all the old men ogling me as I descended the staircase, but he told me he was turned on by it and got off on it, reestablishing our differences.

I walked him home, and we talked about future plans. He was aware I was going to Ocean City, Maryland with my family the following week. It was an excellent out to not have to call him again. He mentioned the possibility of grabbing a movie when I returned. I told him it was a possibility, but I knew it wasn’t. I would never call or text him again. I gave him a hug and said goodbye.

As I walked to Port Authority, I pulled out my phone to see if the second Grindr guy responded. He told me he was having dinner with a friend. I offered to hang around a little while longer if he would be available later, but he suggested we do something some other night. With that, I chalked the night up to an utter failure and hopped on the bus back to Hoboken.

When I got home, I pulled up Grindr. I messaged and was messaged by some quality guys to beef up the roster. I was back to my old self. But this list was filled with guys I wanted to date, not just have sex with. I was turning over a new leaf, or so I hoped…

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