How Do I Tell Him

Last night, I received a comment from one of my favorite dedicated readers, ty-curious.  “So I have been wondering. Do you ever get scared that Smiles might stumble across your blog? Also, do you worry that your relationship will get to a point where you have to tell him about the blog?”

This is something already on my mind, but someone else pointing it out is forcing me to face the reality, I have to tell Smiles about the blog. The problem is how and when?

So, I’m looking to you, my readers for suggestions. You can read how I handled it in the past with N here, and give me advice on how to proceed.

Last night, Boston told me I have to tell him sooner than later. I agree, but I disagree. I agree because the longer I wait, the more he may feel exposed. But, if I wait until we are in a stable position, it won’t rock the boat nearly as much. Reading all my inner thoughts may freak him out and scare him off. This isn’t something usually shared in a relationship, especially this early. I’m okay sharing my feelings with him, but I don’t want to scare him away.

I really don’t know how he’ll react to the news.

So, please, send me all your thoughts and comments and pep talks. I need your help! If you don’t want to post your comments, email me at 1gayatatime@gmail.com

P.S.  I will be posting my regular post later today…

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  1. #1 by K on December 6, 2011 - 2:58 PM

    The fact that you’ve had it on your mind says a lot and when you tell Smiles that I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. I think you should invite him out for something super casual, like coffee and spend some time together in private and tell him about your writing hobby and very attentive readers who crave your writing and everything that entails. Maybe talk to him a bit about the blog and show him a post (and he should see how important he is to you!). Ask him how he feels about the blog and what, if anything, you need to do to please him (cease posting or stop discussing him.)

    Smiles seems like a guy who knows what he wants and although shy at times, will make his message understood. So, I bet he’d appreciate you “blogging-out” to him ASAP and being upfront, clear and state both of your needs. If he cares about you as much as I think, he’ll understand that you had a life pre-Smiles and will maybe even enjoy the blog! But, there’s no doubt that your most inner-thoughts and feelings revealed here may create a strain once he becomes enlightened. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll be able to articulate your feelings and blogging activity to him in a fashion that helps Smiles understand. If he were to read a few posts he’d see how far you’ve come along since he met you and I bet he’d be honored. You should make that clear to him, too.

    One final thought: What if you had ice cream (I know it’s Winter), had a nice stroll where you told him you had something you wanted him to see; came back to your place and showed him a Smiles -related post that you love the most? I think that would be romantic! It’ll also be a great point to lay out the nature of the relationship. Thank you for welcoming feedback and suggestions! I’m so happy that you’ve become a part of my morning routine.

  2. #2 by John Juston (@jjuston) on December 6, 2011 - 8:31 PM

    The question of telling someone that is in your life about your blog is something that I grapple with often. I recently made the mistake of telling someone too soon about it. We were only talking at that point and I really didn’t think that we would ever actually meet. It came to pass that we did end up meeting and hanging out and I didn’t have the greatest experience with him and I detailed it in my blog, as I so often do. The only problem was that I forgot that I had told him about it before. The reaction to it was not so nice.

    In my experience, I have found that most people do not have a problem with it, especially because we do the same thing as far as nicknaming someone and to never use real names. But, there is a segment of people that feel that their privacy was invaded because they were not told from the beginning.

    I am sure that you will choose the right venue to tell him, but I suggest having a gentle approach and be ready for any reaction.

    I wish you luck with this and enjoy reading about your journey. Of course I understand it, because my story has some similarities to yours.

  3. #3 by tycurious on December 6, 2011 - 11:56 PM

    Thanks for mentioning me again buddy! Made my day. Best birthday present ever!

    I unfortunately dont have any advice for you, I asked because I’m wondering myself, when do you tell someone your private life is public?

    Good advice so far. If you get anything else make sure you send it my way 🙂

  4. #4 by Bivantate on December 23, 2011 - 10:40 AM

    Lets play devils advocate here for a minute…It could be perceived as a violation of trust. Not every aspect is meant for public display, especially if there are what we consider Down Low tendencies. I am new to blogging so I understand your dilemma. Have you thought about posing the questions regarding how he feels about PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection) Yet? From there you should be able to test the waters and see if he would be receptive to people knowing about the lifestyle, yaddy yaddy yah…you know fish out the answer before you give him the question…

    • #5 by One Gay at a Time on December 23, 2011 - 8:50 PM

      Gauging him, I think he’ll eventually be okay with it. However, everyone’s gut first reaction is one of betrayal and anger… It’s just going to be dealing with that.

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