Sunday night in LA, I took quite a blow to my heart. I tried to prepare myself for the inevitable goodbye, but I didn’t get to say goodbye. I’d driven all over LA trying to connect with The Navigator, but he wasn’t responding.
I faced facts and drove to the airport. I had no idea what else to do with my time, so I just drove to the car rental lot and returned my car. I figured I could at least use some time at the airport to blog a bit. I sat int he airport diner and ate my dinner alone.
My flight home was awful. First off, it was a redeye. I was set to land at 6:00am Monday morning. I had to go to work later that day so I tried my best to sleep on the plane. It was also awful because I was crammed in a widow seat towards the back of the plane. My airline status with United got me nowhere. I barely fit in my seat, and I wasn’t able to stretch out and walk around because the two men next to me were sleeping the entire flight.
I managed to sleep for two hours, but woke up after that. I had no feeling in my ring and pinky finger of my left had. Apparently I slept on it funny. When a fair amount of time passed, and I never regained feeling, I became worried. Maybe I had a blood clot or maybe I’d done some nerve damage. I tried to think about other things and distract myself, but I really started to get worried. I took out my laptop and did some more blogging, but even that was a challenge with two numb fingers. I was really starting to worry, but the feeling didn’t return the rest of the flight. (Four weeks and a doctor appointment later, and I finally regained feeling — I had a nerve impingement — Cubital Tunnel Syndrome).
I was exhausted all day at work Monday. I’d only gotten a few hours sleep on the plane and about one hour in my own bed before work. When I got home after work, I was still horny from my rambunctious trip. I was on Grindr, and a cute guy from the city wanted to come over for some fun. I didn’t turn him down since he was hot and said he’d wear his jockstrap.
When he arrived, I realized he was a redhead. He also had a slight Hispanic accent. He was also quite a presence clocking in at 6’4″. He was not born in America, but had been here a majority of his life. He was decent on the eyes, but nothing you’d run to your friends about. When he arrived we went straight to my room. He slowly got undressed and comfortable until we were both laying on the bed, me in my boxer briefs and him in a jockstrap.
Warning: The following may be too graphic for some. I found the jockstrap very sexy. I’ve always been attracted to the athlete types and find locker rooms to be one of the sexiest places. They just turn me on. Always have.The jockstrap really gave him the leg up in my book. He was looking for a hot top, and I agreed to fill the position, literally. I broke out the condoms and lube, and we have a good time. Sometimes it was a little weird and awkward, but sex is never perfect! He really seemed to be enjoying himself. I did as well, but I could already tell this guy was going to linger. He was a gentle spirit. This would be no wham bam thank you man. I was going to have to sit through some pillow talk.
He started talking about his grandmother and how she is sick. He was flying home the following day to see her before she passed away. It wasn’t looking good. I started to feel bad for him, but then my emotions became distracted when he mentioned things like sleeping with her in her hospital bed. He looked like he was ready to cry, but all I could think about was this strange layout in a hospital room. I understood he was close to her, as she was responsible for raising him, but some of the things he was saying with his accent seemed very strange to me. There was obviously a cultural divide.
After we chatted some more, and he asked if he could use my shower. Now he was really pushing it! I obliged the request, but after that, he was gone.
He showered and toweled off. He began to get ready to go home. He talked about getting together again when he got back. He mentioned how heartless a lot of the other guys he’d hung out with were, and how sweet I was. He said how much he liked me. He wanted this to be an ongoing thing of friends with benefits. He told me his real name and that the name he gave me, Keith, was completely made up. Someone was a little paranoid. I felt like I found a stray puppy who wanted to follow me home. There would never be a next time, but I told him to hit me up when he got back from visiting his grandmother. After about three weeks, he did of course text, and I of course did not respond.
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At the ripe age of 26, I came to a life changing conclusion. I'm GAY!
One Gay at a Time 
#1 by James on April 11, 2012 - 12:26 PM
I read your blogs pretty religiously. It is like a daily ritual. I can’t help but wonder when you are going to remember that you claim to not be a guy who just hooks up with guys. I guess I have just never encountered a guy who does this sort of thing as often as more than one guy in one night. Sort of super promiscuous and somewhat risky behavior. I am more concerned than anything. I know we do not know each other but I feel this odd sort of friendship through reading the intricacies of your love life. But anyways, I’m not one to judge, we have all had our moments, just wondering if your feelings have changed on the matter.
#2 by One Gay at a Time on April 11, 2012 - 12:32 PM
Dude. I am utterly moved that you would reach out to me so strongly on the matter. I do consider you a friend even though we’ve never met. The fact that you’d tell me this speaks volumes about your character.
Trust me. I recognize my behavior and realize I am heading down a bad path. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. That being said, I keep the blog honest, no matter how ashamed I am of myself. And I am just that. Ashamed. I am not endorsing this behavior and work to rein myself in quite a bit. Trust me. I judge myself!
I truly take your words to heart. Keep reading and you’ll see how things unfold.
#3 by James on April 11, 2012 - 10:16 PM
I have wanted to reach out for a little while actually and I am glad that I decided to!
I also am happy the blog is honest, some of the struggles and what not of the dating world and the feelings you are having are nice to relate to. I guess in other words, good to know I am not the only one feeling a certain way!
I am looking forward to the upcoming posts 🙂
#4 by One Gay at a Time on April 12, 2012 - 10:38 AM
I’m very glad you reached out! And, I’m glad I can be a voice for others out there to relate to. This $hit ain’t easy!
#5 by Anonymous on April 11, 2012 - 8:11 PM
I have to say, I totally agree with James. This is beyond satisfying the animal within, or whatever you normally excuse it as. Everyone goes a little wild after break ups, but you’re already searching for the next before the current is done with? I think what you need is some time alone. Some time with and by yourself. Proper time. The fact that you’re not happy being by yourself probably has a lot to do with why you can’t seem to find someone to be happy with. You NEED to be happy with yourself before you can expect someone else to be. I would suggest that you get off all of these ‘dating’ sites, and stop ‘dating’ for a bit. Focus on yourself and your life and when the time is right, you will meet someone worthy or you naturally. I feel like you’re trying to force it too much and are just ending up with just a long list of hook ups. Which is fine, if this is what you want, but you claim not to.
I hope you don’t take offense to this because I’m not judging or trying to be rude. Just talking, really. I think you’re great and I love your blog. Just putting my opinions out there.
#6 by One Gay at a Time on April 12, 2012 - 10:28 AM
You’re both right, and I have to say, you two are the first to speak up and tell me I’m getting a little out of hand. Your thoughts certainly have an effect on me, know that! You’ll even see the results of your comments in future posts. I’m not happy being alone, but it is something I can do. I just enjoy the company of others all the more. Maybe this is a flaw, but I see it as simply a character trait. You’re probably right about why I have a hard time finding someone to be happy with.
I don’t want a long list of hookups, but they instead are a result of weak conviction. This is what I need to work on with myself. Changing that will have a positive effect on my dating life.
I take no offense and welcome comments with open arms. None of my friends spoke up and told me I’m out of control. You guys did. And for that, I love you guys!
#7 by Anonymous on April 13, 2012 - 7:36 AM
Friend here, wanted to speak up but not sure you are open to it and I know you know what you are doing so really up to you to change. I’m glad your loyal followers have said essentially what I have been thinking and I really hope you take their comments into consideration. I feel like I know you to NOT be this guy (promiscuous guy who can’t be alone, serial dater), so I know if you want to change your behavior, you can. I do agree that a little inward looking might be helpful.