Posts Tagged fit in

PR Independence

I had a lot to think about since PR left. Was he really what I was looking for after all? I learned things the hard way over the past few relationships. I’d stayed with too many men for too long after I saw the writing on the wall. I didn’t want to repeat past mistakes.

Was I jumping the gun? Should I give this a shot? There were so many questions and no answers.

I began to build a pros and cons list in my mind.

I didn’t want to lose a great guy, but I was so tired of wasting my time with guys who just weren’t a fit for me.

CONS

He enthusiastically showed me pictures from his ski trip with his buddies in which everyone dressed in drag. They went all out with wigs, heels and bras among other things. I had a strong feeling I was not going to fit in with his friends. He also was a big fan of gay bars. He went on and on about his desire to go to Griffin in NYC on Sunday nights. It is apparently a huge gay party everyone on the scene knows about — News to me. This is not my thing, but I’m not made of stone. I would be willing to be flexible, but if this is the norm for him, we were going to differ greatly. Sadly, he may be “too gay” for me.

We are both tops. I am willing to play ball with a guy I’m in a relationship with, but I get no pleasure from bottoming. That’s not to say he wouldn’t also be willing to trade positions. But, if we both prefer it, it’s probably going to become a problem down the road for us. This was a very frank conversation we needed to have to establish expectations.

I wasn’t thrilled that he didn’t have a full-time job. I wasn’t writing him off because he was unemployed. He was in a long-term relationship with a man, and when that situation changed, he needed to find something. He fully realized what he was facing, but I just don’t know if I’m cut out to date another guy trying to get back on his feet. I put in a lot of work emotionally supporting Smiles until things ended. I really don’t want to come off as elitist at all, but I also wasn’t thrilled with the jobs he was applying for. I never did ask if he went to college, but I got the feeling he didn’t. I wondered the financial stability we would attain if we forged a long-term relationship. He was applying to jobs that I could have done over summer break from college. They had odd hours, and there was a good chance we’d see even less of each other.

PR was a good-looking man, but he wasn’t something you would double-take. I was attracted to him, but some of his physical attributes left something to be desired. I know he was making an effort to get back into the gym, as evidenced when we went together, but was that just because of me or because he really wanted to be in shape. I worried he may be habitually lazy.

Lastly, he was moving back home. Home was at least a half hour drive away, and I don’t have a car. This was going to make seeing each other even harder. I wanted someone who was going to be around when I wanted/needed him.

PROS

PR is only a year older than me. Finally I found someone in my own dating pool. We could share many pop culture references and understand them fully.

He is one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met. He always had my best interests at heart and took great care of me. He was chivalrous and loyal. He exhibited many of the qualities I really look for in a man. It seemed I’d finally met my match in the dedication department. I knew I could trust him to be faithful and love me for a long time.

He was passionate in the bedroom. Recently I’ve put more emphasis on my needs in the bedroom. I took a major back seat with Smiles in the sack. I needed someone who could truly exhibit the passion I required between the sheets. He certainly fit the bill.

He is easy-going and always up for a good time. I could spring a fun trip on him, even a day-trip, and I know he would be onboard. I lead a very active lifestyle and need someone who can keep up. I had a feeling he could.

Overall, I was leaning towards the cons pile. It seemed to be the stronger argument. They seemed to outweigh the pros this time, and for once I was going to trust my gut.

I had a hard time deciding what to do. I spoke with Boston on the phone, and he told me I would be ill-advised if I went out with him on Valentine’s Day misrepresenting my true feelings. I thought I would have been breaking his heart if I called the night off. I thought it better to go out with him and tell him some other time I didn’t think things were going to work out. He told me I had a tough decision to make, but I needed to deal with it delicately. My friend D told me I shouldn’t cancel on him the day before Valentine’s Day. He suggested going on the date and explaining things later. He was worried PR made plans already, and I would be ruining them completely.

In the end, I finally decide I just don’t want to go. I am so tired of pretending with guys. I need to be more honest. If I feel a date is going south, I need to speak up and stop being so damn polite. I decided to tell him my feelings, but I also did it as a coward. I sent him a text…

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My California King

Things were going well for PR and I. He was turning out to be a great guy.

He’d been out with my friends and fit in. We’d had fun in the bedroom, and living room for that matter. I still had yet to meet any of his friends, but so far I was liking where things were going.

One evening after work, we made plans to finally go see The Woman in Black in the city. We both shared an interest in horror/scary movies, so I agreed. It sounded like a nice date too. I was sure it would involve some intimate hand holding in the theater and a nice night on the town for us.

I stayed at work killing time by writing a few blog posts until the time came to go to the movies. We agreed to meet in midtown by the PATH station and walk to the theater together. I didn’t hear from him for quite some time. It was getting very close to showtime, and I was getting annoyed. Why wasn’t he answering me? We were going to miss the movie.

Finally, I got a call from him. I met him on the street after learning he’d already started walking towards the theater. When I met him, I informed him we missed the movie. We needed to go to a different theater or find somewhere to grab a bite before the next showtime. He was very apologetic, but I was okay with everything. I didn’t have a schedule for the evening. I was just happy to be spending it with him.

We altered our plans and started walking to the theater on 42nd street. This would work out well because we could just hop on the bus at Port Authority to head back to Hoboken after the movie.

PR tried to pay for my ticket, which I thought was very sweet of him, especially since he was just working part-time until he found a full-time position. I thanked him for offering as I put my own credit card into the ticket vending machine to buy my own ticket. He tried to fight me, but it was no use.

We grabbed a big bag of popcorn and sodas and found our seats. I enjoyed holding his hand or rubbing his arm while we watched the movie. He was an affectionate guy like me. I liked that we were a match in that department. I was falling for him pretty fast, and we were spending a lot of time together over a short period of time.

The movie was decent. I don’t know that I would have picked it, but I was entertained and was happy to be out with PR.

We decided to grab dinner back in Hoboken. PR had only lived there a short period of time. He was anxious to get a lay of the land, so I suggested a few places we could hit up along the way. We settled on It’s Greek to Me and rode the bus through the Lincoln Tunnel. We hopped off the bus at our stop and went into a convenient store to grab a bottle of wine to take to the restaurant.

We sat at a table and decided on our meals. I insisted he try my favorite appetizer there, saganaki cheese. It was perfect with the wine we bought. I was really enjoying a casual night with him. The conversation was so relaxed and easy. We’d already gotten well past the awkward date stage. I was happy to just sit there with him at times, not even talking.

After we split the bill, we made our way home. We chatted more while we walked, and when we got to the intersection between our apartments, he was ready to say goodbye. I questioned him, and asked, “Aren’t you going to spend the night?” He replied immediately, “Do you want me to?” To which I confirmed and pulled him towards my apartment immediately. He asked if my roommates were home, but I told him that wouldn’t matter. They were cool and had people over all the time. He had no worries.

He’d forgotten to call his sisters to wish them a happy birthday, so he made a few phone calls to them while I answered a few emails and checked up on the blog. We relaxed on the couch for a little bit before making moves to the bedroom to go to bed. We watched Archer and Chelsea Lately in bed together, and laughed at all the same parts. It was nice to just sit and watch TV with a man.

When a commercial break came, I asked him what his “roommate” thought about him not being home all the time lately. “I told him I’m sleeping in a cute guy’s California King bed,” he quipped. I laughed and joked with him: “Is that all I am to you — A comfy bed?” He laughed and kissed me to show the contrary. Shortly thereafter, we dozed off and went to bed.

When my alarm went off in the morning to get ready for work, I looked back to the bed and smiled. I was happy to be waking up next to him. Of course I hopped back into bed and started to get a little frisky, but that wouldn’t make me late for work. I planned ahead and set the alarm a few minutes early.

I always leave room for play time…

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Testing Boundaries

Once again, today is another double post to make up for lost time. If you are just visiting for the first time today, scroll down to the previous story to keep up with the timeline. Enjoy!


It had been a long work trip. I didn’t have any spare time for anything fun other than work. The one hour I had free, I spent on the treadmill trying to get back in shape for the rapidly approaching warm weather.

After my meeting, I sped to the airport. I wanted to get home so I could start my weekend off right. I began texting everyone back home to see what they were up to so I could be efficient with my time when I landed. I sent out a flurry of texts and received a few responses before taking off. I knew at least a few people were up for drinks at the bar. I also decided to take care of my pre-game at 30,000 feet. I ordered two scotch on the rocks to help get me started.

When I landed, I got more responses to my texts. Some people were too lazy to go out. They received harassing phone calls from me urging them to sack up and join the able-bodied and willing. It was no use. I also texted my Grindr friend who recently moved to Hoboken from the city — Much closer to me. I asked him if he wanted to check out the Hoboken scene. I warned him it would be all straight bars, but he was down.

I picked up some food at the airport I could eat in the car on the way home. When I arrived, I quickly showered and got dressed. My friend took a little longer to get ready, so I had to wait for him a bit. I was getting messages from my sister and friend who were at the bar waiting for my arrival. I told them to keep their pants on… I was en route.

I met my friend on the corner and walked with him to my local watering hole, McSwiggans. I told him about the bar as we walked. He asked how my trip was, and we continued the small talk.

I hadn’t told anyone I was bringing a guy with me. They were a bit surprised. But, I wasn’t bringing him as a love interest. I was bringing him as a new neighbor and friend. He didn’t know Hoboken, so I thought I could show him around a bit. I also knew he was normal enough he would fit in. I introduced him to everyone, and we got beers. I spent a lot of the night chatting with him, but mixed in with my friends/sister as well. As the night progressed, my sister grew more and more intoxicated. She started rubbing her a$s on me like she does with people when she’s drunk. It took a lot to get her to stop.

After some time, I got a text from one of my teammates from college. He was in town at another bar, so I gathered everyone up, and we made our way to Black Bear. He was there with his new girlfriend and her friends. When we arrived, I needed to relieve myself immediately. He came down the stairs and joined me standing in line to hit up the bathroom. After we all finished using the facilities, we made our way upstairs. My group grabbed a table, and my friend dragged me over to meet his group. He introduced me while my Grindr friend followed me. His girlfriend was already three sheets to the wind and shouted into my ear, “Is this your boyfriend?” I explained he was just a friend, and we all continued chatting. When I realized I was neglecting my other friends, we made our way back to the other table.

By then my sister was wasted, and she needed to go home. Luckily, one of the guys in the group who is utterly chivalrous, volunteered to escort her home since they both lived uptown. I said goodbye to both and was left with P and my Grindr friend. When my Grindr friend went to the bathroom, I explained my predicament to her. Until this point, we were just friends, but I wasn’t sure if maybe we could be more. I asked her if I should make a move.

“Why not!? What do you have to lose?” she asked. I told her I liked having him as a friend, and if I crossed that line, I wouldn’t have a friend anymore. I wasn’t sure which I would rather have. A new friend or a new guy to date. She still suggested I go for it. I decided I would make a game time decision later.

I felt like it was mine for the taking. He always seemed interested but who could really tell? I was purposely putting out the friend vibe, but I think if I escalated things, he would be interested.

The night was dragging on, and I was tired. We closed our tab and made our way for the door. P lived in the opposite direction of my new neighbor and I. Furthermore, we decided to stop at Cluck U and get a late night snack before heading home. When he asked if we were eating there or somewhere else, I volunteered to go back to my place.

When we walked into my apartment, we sat at the counter eating and talking. When we finished, he needed to use the bathroom. I moved over to the couch in hopes he would as well when he came back into the room. He didn’t get the hint. He sat back down at the counter until I suggested he join me in the living room. When he did, he sat in the chair next to the couch. This was going to take some work.

We talked some more before I finally moved to the chair and said, “I hope this isn’t out of line, but…” and I laid a big kiss on him. He totally kissed me back. It was great. Taking the risk paid off. When I pulled back, I asked him, “Did I surprise you?” “Well… YEAH! Of course I was surprised. I just thought we were going to be friends,” he replied. “I know. I was putting out that vibe on purpose. I wasn’t sure what would come between us,” I told him. He just smiled, and we kissed again…

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